Work Header


Work Text:

Darcy’s phone pinged on her desk. A text from Wade.


Not the emoji, just the word. Eggplant.

“Oh boy,” she said, swiping her screen to answer him. “Eggplant what? Are you growing some, or is this your idea of a cute booty call?”

Yes. Winky face.

Again, it was spelled out.

Your phone got smashed and you couldn’t afford a replacement with emoji capabilities, right?

There were a few seconds to spare before he texted back. Four texts in rapid succession. 





Smirking, she leaned back in her desk chair to take a quick lookout in the hallway. Mostly everyone was gone. Plus, Tony knew who she was dating. It wouldn’t be a big deal for him to show up here. As long as he wasn’t covered in blood again.

Not again. Not after last time.

You can just come up here, you know. I just have a couple more things to deal with and then we can leave. Go back to my place? Leave autocorrect out of the conversation?

His reply was a long time coming, and if she had to guess, it was because his phone only had T9 texting. Maybe she’d head out with her shiny new Stark salary and buy her boyfriend a new phone. 

If he’d let her.

He wouldn’t.

U sure that’s not copyright infringement? Me showing up where U work?

She wrinkled her forehead in confusion. Copyright infringement? What the hell was he talking about? Maybe he hit his head on top of smashing his phone.

Pretty sure it’ll be fine. So long as you’re not all bloody again. Are you?

His reply was pretty instant this time. No. Ish.

Rolling her eyes, she swiped a reply. Come on up here, then.

It didn’t take him long, in fact, if Darcy had to guess, Wade was probably already in the lobby when he started texting her. He was wearing a hoodie and cradling one arm.  At least the hoodie was black. As were his pants. Because once he entered her office and closed the door, she saw why his texting took so long.

He had to do it with one hand.

“Wade! Oh my god,” Darcy jumped up and he waved her off. 

“It happened this morning, it’s already growing back.”

What happened?” She asked. 

“I’m not at liberty to say… but there were some fireworks, beer, and bets involved. Unfortunately, I lost. My fucking arm and my fucking phone. And the eighteen bucks I put up for bootleg fireworks.”

Darcy chose to ignore most of the things he’d said and just move on to the next thing she could think of to comment on. “You were booty texting me with one hand! What even.”

He waved the injured arm vaguely, the sleeve flapping a little. “That might have been a typo and I just rolled with it. I mean… the hand’s regrowing, so you’ll have to be on top… but I’m not gonna turn you down, Darce.”

She sighed. “Well. Let’s just go, then. I’m pretty sure I can get time off for your regrowing arm.”

“Oh, for real? I was just kidding around…” He hopped to his feet.

“I was just saying so you could go rest… I mean… are you even up for that?”

“Nothing wrong with my dick, sweetheart. It’s full-sized and everything,” Wade grinned.

Call her a weirdo, but she wasn’t about to turn Wade down either.

“Just… come on…” she replied. “And can you not involve the tiny hand this time?”