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When Is It Going To End?

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“When were you going to tell me?” 

Cas’ voice floated across the garage. Dean raised his head from inside the hood of the Impala. He had been putting the finishing touches on Baby’s maintenance before he handed her over to Sam.

“Tell you what Cas?” Dean said, wiping his hands on a grease-spotted rag.

“About your foolish plan to subdue Michael. About the box that you were building out at the cabin.”

Dean turned around only to find Cas mere inches from him. 

“You were going to know when the time was right,” Dean said, resolving to stay calm.

“And when was that going to be, Dean? When you were already sinking under the waves?” 

Dean could almost see the grace crackling off of Cas. Suddenly his mind flickered back to the alleyway years ago, when he had almost said yes to Michael the first time. Clenching his jaw, he gazed back at Cas. “Look, Cas, do you think I want to do this? I didn’t want you trying to talk me out of it. Sammy already tried. It’s pointless. I need to do this to save all of you from Michael. That’s how it has to be.”

Dean started to push past Cas to leave the garage, but Cas stepped in front of him.

“When will it end Dean? When have our big gestures ever ended well? What makes you think that that recklessly putting yourself in a box at the bottom of the ocean will solve the problem?” 

Dean looked at Cas, expressionless. “Billie gave me my book, Cas. This is how it has to be.”

“And you’re going to take her word as law?” Cas got in Dean’s space. “Is it because she’s Death? Because I don’t remember that stopping you when the old Death told you that you had to kill your brother.”

“Cas, it’s different,” Dean said flatly. 

“No, Dean, it’s really not. We fall into this pattern over and over again. When I was dealing with Raphael, I wanted to save you the pain of dealing with more trauma after losing Sam, so I worked with Crowley. I—” Cas heaved a breath, hands shaking slightly. “I took all of those souls in, became a monster and hurt you regardless. My attempt to shield you only resulted in more harm. And then everything that happened with Purgatory and Naomi.”

Dean opened his mouth to retort but Cas crowded into his space, pushing him against the Impala.

“I’m not finished Dean. You felt the need to save the world from Abaddon so you took the Mark of Cain. You became a demon, Dean, the very thing you hate. All to save us and to save the world. Tell me how they turned out. Not to mention that Sam’s grand gesture to save you from the Mark resulted in the Darkness being unleashed which almost destroyed the world.”

Cas’ hand shook as it rested on Dean’s shoulder, naturally curling into the long since healed handprint. 

“And Dean let’s not forget my desire to be helpful which led me to say yes to Lucifer because I felt like that was the only way I could be of use. Which leads perfectly into when you said yes to save your brother, Jack and the world. So don’t tell me it’s pointless. We’ve been in so many pointless situations and we’ve always done the stupid thing. And yes, we win in the end but what’s the cost? So no,” he pushed a hand against Dean’s chest, “I’m not going to be okay with you doing the stupid thing once again and sacrificing yourself. We will find a way to get Michael out of you and defeat him for good. But you have to let us in. You can’t shut me out again. It’s never done us any good before. So let’s break the pattern.” 

Cas’ eyes were wide and his chest was heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Dean’s eyes were locked on his face as he let a small smile slip out. “Okay,” he softly said.

“I know you’re going to argue,” Cas froze. “Okay?” His head tilted to the side.

Dean nodded. “You’re right, Cas.” He leaned his forehead against Cas’. “I’m sorry, Cas. I just hate the thought of him using my body again, of me not being in control.”

Cas’ arms wrapped around Dean. “I know, but we’ll figure it out. I promise.”