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i hate you, i love you

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Jimin can’t move further into the cafe, he keeps his feet firmly on the ground as if scared somebody will make him move. His eyes are zeroed on the man standing with his back towards him, a couple of meters away from him, chatting with his manager. He knows this back, neck, and hair, even if now the hair is bleached to a white blond. Jimin was supposed to get introduced to an artist he will be collabing with for his new single, yet he still hopes this isn’t who he thinks it is. This can’t be him, it just can’t.

 

They haven’t seen Jimin yet, presumably focused at the menu hanging on the wall as they talk in low voices. Jimin can’t hear what they are saying, mostly due to the indie music mashing in their words, but he can make up the depth of their voices. He recognizes both of those voices right away, making him swallow almost too loudly. 

 

The coffee shop is quite big and it makes it look almost empty; a few people scattered around as far from each other as possible, everyone looking busy, focused fully on their laptops and phones. Nobody seems to care that somebody walked in, or more like stopped at the door. Nobody, other than a barista, who seems to impatiently look at the two men who still aren’t ordering.

 

The barista’s eyes shift from the men at the counter to him. He throws Jimin a glare when he keeps staring at the door, letting the cold autumn air into the cozy space. This seems to also catch the attention of his manager and the man standing with him at the counter.

 

His breath gets stuck in his throat when his manager turns around, making the man standing next to him turn his way as well. Jimin isn’t fast enough, his eyes are stuck on the man for too long because suddenly their gazes lock. He knows those eyes, those sharp eyes that once looked at him with love and adoration.

 

Now, he was looking straight at Jimin with something he can’t read, something cold and unfamiliar. He no longer knows what those eyes want to tell, it’s been too long. 

 

Jimin feels cold stir inside him, clashing with the hot anger that warms up his blood - a natural reaction to the other man. He can’t stop a shiver from running down his spine. There isn’t any happiness he would usually feel when he would meet somebody he hasn’t seen in years. There is just anger, the same anger he felt when they saw each other for the last time.

 

“What is he doing here?” Jimin asks sharply, looking at his manager, not walking up closer.

 

His manager looks between him and the other confused, keeping an eye at the people around them. Jimin almost wants to roll his eyes at the way his manager always fears scandal. “This is Agust D, the producer, and rapper you will be collaborating with.”

 

“No,” Jimin says, shaking his head. 

 

His manager looks at them both, clearly panicked, “Jimin, don’t speak like that.” he says much quieter, rushing to Jimin.

 

The barista takes a small rag and starts cleaning up the counter, sensing the awkward atmosphere. Jimin’s louder than necessary voice brought the attention of some woman sitting closest to the door. Her eyebrows knit together and from the corner of his eye Jimin can see how her eyes lit up the second she turns her head towards him.

 

He ignores it.

 

“This is not Agust D, this is Gloss,” Jimin says loud and clear, taking the attention of the woman from himself to the other two. “He is lying.”

 

“Things have changed.” The other speaks up, locking his arms on his chest, “Artists change names, you know?”

 

The barista throws them one last glance before he hides behind the staff door, Jimin’s manager has panic in his eyes as he realizes people are starting to look at them and Min Yoongi seems nonchalant as always.

 

Jimin knows he is being dramatic as he turns around on his foot and leaves, the door slamming loudly behind him. He doesn’t care that his manager must be embarrassed and mad. He also doesn’t care that Yoongi probably has a smug smirk on his nasty face.

 

He just wants to be somewhere else.

 

Jimin runs almost three whole blocks down to the underground parking lot he left his car at. By the time he finds his car he feels nothing but a pure rage, he feels somehow betrayed by his manager. 

 

The door to his car slams so harshly the whole vehicle shakes. No matter how many deep breaths he takes it’s all for nothing. Jimin almost can’t hear, the anger and hot blood rushing through his system making him deaf to the outside world. His eyes are stuck at one point on his windshield as he tries to calm down, the ringing and echoing sound becoming more and more annoying with every breath.

 

“Jimin!” He hears his manager saying, there is pounding on his window and pulling on the door, “Jimin get out and apologize now! Jimin, stop acting like a brat. You wanted this collaboration.”

 

He opens the door aggressively, barely giving the man time to move away, “No!” He screams, the sound hitting every wall of the underground parking lot.

 

“What happened to you.” His manager asks annoyed, “I’ve seen many things but this? This was fucking ridiculous and so unprofessional.”

 

Jimin can’t even look up from the pavement, too busy trying to collect his breath. His manager stands still, waiting for him to respond, when the silence stretches and Jimin doesn’t lift his eyes from the ground, he speaks again.

 

“I will need you to apologize.”

 

“I will never apologize to this piece of shit.” Jimin says, looking up to catch the puzzled look on his manager’s face. 

 

Even if they have been working together for years by now and he asked Jimin multiple times to not hide things from him - he has no idea what occurred between Jimin and Yoongi. Jimin never spoke about it to anyone other than his two friends: Seokjin, his friend and industry colleague, and he also drunk cried about Yoongi into Taehyung’s shoulder, his official soulmate, and stylist. But never in his life, he wanted to talk about his broken heart with his manager .

 

It’s nothing personal. Jimin just doesn’t really see the reason for him to cry in front of a forty-year-old man with a wife and kids about his relationship and breakup. Plus he knows that his manager would be dramatic about it, going into full panic mode. He would probably start waking up in cold sweat, having nightmares about the media finding out.

 

His manager nods slowly, still confused, “Okay.” He says softly, lifting his arms in defeat. “Whatever happened, you don’t have to go back to the cafe.”

 

Jimin nods sharply, finally feeling a little calm. He really wishes he would never see this man again. 

 

“I’ll reschedule this.” He finishes, crushing Jimin’s hope of this being the last time they ever speak about Yoongi.

 

Before Jimin can protest his manager walks away, giving him time and space to calm down but not giving him false hope. He had to face Min Yoongi again.

 

Their history isn’t really as bad as people might assume it is whenever somebody mentions the name Min Yoongi in Jimin’s presence. Yoongi isn’t Satan himself but Jimin just simply hates him. 

 

Jimin can’t even pinpoint exactly why he hates the older other than the unbelievable pain and humiliation he made him go through. It’s probably also a little bit of the fact that the older’s mere existence is reminding Jimin of the mistakes of his youth. A taste of bitterness he wants to forget so badly. Bitterness he tries to cover with something for years.

 

Their paths crossed when they were both young but Jimin thinks it was just him who was naive enough to fall deep into something that wasn’t all that hard to move on from for the great Min Yoongi. And that’s something that makes him angry since he first realized he was nothing deep for the older.

 

Jimin promised himself to move on, he promised himself this years ago and he tries, he really tries. There are days, weeks and even months when he is completely fine, living his life as it is. But then one smell can throw him back in time and he is back to the beginning, in a park, Yoongi’s hair is still black, still badly cut and his multiple earrings bulky and mismatched. Back then Jimin still thought this could be forever.

 

The smell of hair dye often reminds him of the time he watched Yoongi bleaching his hair for the first time in his parent’s small bathroom. He remembers laughing until his stomach hurt when the older’s hair turned orange and how he still looked good like this, cute and soft. 

 

Although there were times when he would accidentally hear or see something about the older, he no longer searches the man on the internet himself. If he somehow stumbles upon any news about Yoongi dating, which always turns his mood sour, he can’t brush off the feeling that all the men and women he gets involved with are similar toJimin himself. Most of the people Jimin saw with Yoongi somehow resemble him when it comes to facial features. It can be just the type of people he likes to have fun with, but Jimin likes to think he left a scar on the older as well, a scar he tries to cure by finding something similar.

 

There are also those text messages from Yoongi, the oldest from 2015. Messages in which he begs Jimin to text him back, to let Yoongi hold him, to let him kiss those lips again. Deep down he knows it really doesn’t matter because Yoongi was drunk, in a club and later was seen with somebody else. Jimin can’t make himself to delete screenshots of those, no matter how much they hurt sometimes. It’s not helping in trying to forget about the older’s existence. 

 

However, even if he clutches to some things from the past he doesn’t want to have anything to do with the man himself. His only wish in life is to never see him again. It was going so well for a while. They haven’t met at any award shows or any variety show and Jimin always made sure this will be near to impossible for them to even walk in the same direction.

 

He was so happy, life was going so well lately. Especially after Gloss disappeared from the music scene, long after he disappeared from Jimin’s life.

 

But now he is back with a brand new pseudonym and Jimin just knows this can’t end well for him.

 

Unfortunately, he can’t run from him. It takes a lot of begging and a very long conversation with Seokjin, his only voice of reason, to finally pick up a call from his manager.

 

“Jimin,” the manager starts. He braces himself for bashing and screaming but all he gets it’s a deep, tired sigh. “Whatever reason you have for reacting like this — I don’t care about those. I just need to know if it really makes you unable to work with him?” He sounds almost hopeless.

 

The man spent most of Jimin’s youth with him and although he got used to Jimin leaving him out in the dark, he still cares. Sometimes he is simply tired, there is always something Jimin refuses to do, a place he refuses to go to, a photoshoot he denies. It must be hard on him and with Jin’s help, Jimin finally understood in what situation he left his manager today.

 

“No.” Jimin answers under the hard gaze of his hyung, “No it won’t be a problem. I— I just needed to process my emotions.”

 

“I’ll contact the producer.” His manager says, avoiding asking questions Jimin won’t answer. “From what he told me earlier, you should be fine to meet up tomorrow. If he hasn’t changed his mind, of course.”

 

Seokjin pushes him, nodding at him in a way that says “you know what to say”.

 

“I should apologize.” He says, eyes glued to his hyung, voice barely a whisper. If it’s a hard thing to say to his manager, he doesn’t even want to imagine what he will feel actually saying those words to Yoongi.

 

“Just try your best. Can you promise me that?” His manager asks softly as if Jimin could cry at any moment.

 

Jimin throws Seokjin a questioning gaze for which his hyung nods, “Yes. I can promise that.”

 

Once Jimin gets a text confirming that he has to show up at a brand new, expensive studio of the grand Agust D the next morning he starts to feel a little nervous. The song he has laying in front of himself right now is not something he wishes for his ex to sing or produce with him. 

 

He has a thing for making very personal songs and he likes to work with people who have no prior relationship with him, so there is no judgment and guessing what this song is about. But this time not only is he working with somebody who used to understand him without any words but also the person that’s the main subject of the song.

 

Jimin tries writing the song from the beginning and when he fails he tries fishing out another song from his box of drafts but nothing feels like this one. He was looking for the right person to produce this song for the longest time. Hearing the sounds Agust D produced in the last couple of months he was so sure that he found the one who will be able to create the right mood for those lyrics. But he didn’t mean it literally.

 

There is no other song to show up with and there are no other words that would suit better the song he wants to create. He tries being more subtle with his words, maybe driving away from the literal meaning of the song but he likes the honesty of his style and he can’t make himself to hide what he means.

 

The sky becomes a cold gray color and the first birds start to sing when he finally gives up and makes peace with the possible comments and smirks he will get. Jimin is ready and he can’t wait to snap back and burn the producer with his own fire. 

 

Jimin doesn’t sleep much. Before he will meet up with Yoongi in the afternoon he has some other things to take care of. The stress of knowing he will see Yoongi and not knowing what will happen in there keeps him awake. With the little rest he got he decides to put extra effort into looking effortlessly handsome. He might hate the man but it doesn’t hurt to show how well he looks and does without the older next to him. And he is both looking and doing amazing. Even if he is running on two hours of sleep and endless RedBull.

 

Jimin gets Yoongi’s phone number from his manager and he is a little shocked to see it’s the same number he had memorized years ago in case of an accident. He doesn’t even save the number, hoping their contact will be brief and soon he will be going back to forgetting this man is living in the same city.

 

He tries to stay positive, hoping to have a good day ahead of him. Jimin truly hopes he won’t have to spend too much time in this studio today, and he will be free soon to maybe meet up with some friends to recharge his positive energy. 

 

He can stay positive. People call him sunshine for a reason.

 

Or so he thought because from the very moment he walks into Yoongi’s company’s building something irritates him. The security at the front desk doesn’t want to let him into the building further than the lobby. It gets him irrationally mad and if he didn’t bite his tongue he would throw a tantrum. 

 

All of his forced positive attitude is down in the drain and he wants to punch a wall. He checks the address he got a couple of times and contacts his manager who tells him simply to call up the producer. As if it’s the most obvious of things.

 

Jimin hates when the old man is right. With lips pressed into a tight line, suppressing his will to scream he clicks the number into his phone from memory. The way his heart is pushing into his ribs when hears the first short signal makes him feel embarrassed. Those short couple of signals feels like he is waiting for hours for somebody on the other end to pick up. 

 

He hates the way his heart acts, even more, when it stops for a second at the sound of the voice at the other end.

 

His mind does a nasty trick on him and decides to remind him how he used to love Yoongi’s voice through the phone speaker, how he used to wish to hear it whenever they were kilometers apart and he couldn’t sleep.

 

“Hello? Hello?” Jimin hears, coming back to himself with a loud gulp, “Stop calling me before I will contact the police.” He hears Yoongi deadpan.

 

“Yoongi-ssi!” He almost screams, realizing he hasn’t said a single word, “It’s me, Jimin.”

 

He takes the phone away from his ear to check if the connection is still on when there is no sound at the other end.

 

“Can’t you speak?” He hears from the other end, a little bit too harshly for Jimin’s liking. “What do you want? Calling the last second to say you won’t be coming in today? You are all the same, wasting the time of hard working peo—“

 

“I’m downstairs.” Jimin hisses, not wanting to scream but feeling so much anger inside him, a natural reaction to telling him he is just like all the other singers.

 

“So why are you not coming up?” The older asks, his tone still attacking.

 

“The security doesn’t want to let me in. Maybe this is why.” Jimin raises his voice, the guard eyeing him suspiciously.

 

“Oh.” Yoongi says, much quieter this time. “Wait.” 

 

The older disconnect the call just like that and Jimin isn’t sure what he is waiting for.

 

Jimin feels embarrassed when he starts fixing his hair in the window reflection. He keeps looking out in the corridor, his heart embarrassingly freezes whenever the elevator stops at the ground floor. 

 

“Park Jimin?” The security at the front desk asks, putting down the phone. 

 

Jimin nods, walking up in the quickstep. The guard passes him a plastic badge, looking like he is doing it as some kind of punishment, “Floor 6.”

 

Jimin looks big eyes at the badge and the guard before it clicks. “Oh! Thank you.”

 

For some reason he was really expecting that Yoongi will come out for him, he should know better than to think the man will do anything more than necessary for him. At least he actually did something and he doesn’t feel like wasted half of the day for nothing.

 

The closer the elevator is to the sixth floor the more he wants to turn around, call it off and never come back. He never had a problem with facing his ex-boyfriends but this time is different. He and Yoongi have a long history and they ended their relationship in a very unhealthy way, while all of his other relationships were ending peacefully. Plus he never fell in love again after Yoongi and he knows how deep he was. 

 

Whenever he goes into a new relationship he finds himself unintentionally comparing the way the new man treats him to the way the much younger and carefree Yoongi was towards him. Even now, all of those years later, knowing how teenage relationships always seem like all flowers and no rain when you think about them, he can’t seem to stop looking for somebody who would make his stomach buzz with butterflies once again.

 

He already saw Yoongi, for a brief moment before he stormed out, but now they will be there alone, talking and- and being in the same room! It’s a lot to think about. Jimin isn’t ready for that. Is anyone ever ready to talk to their first love after years? He isn’t even sure if he remembers his face correctly. He used to be able to tell the older’s face from the memory, every single line.

 

They used to be inseparable, Yoongi took care of him for years before they finally got together and they spent even more amazing years as a couple. They stepped into adulthood together, were each other firsts. They were each other’s support and critiques. 

 

But when it got bad it got really bad really quickly. Jimin feels like in a couple of hours he went from loving to hating and it’s like this since then. He can’t pinpoint exactly what happened in this small, cheap apartment that tore them apart but he can still feel it deep inside him.

 

The elevator signals his arrival on the sixth floor. Jimin is so deep into his thoughts, brows furrowed with a deep crease between then he almost screams at the unexpected sound. His spiral of thoughts brought him into a bad place but he rolls his shoulders back, trying to gain a little bit of confidence and moves forward. 

 

Just after looking around he realizes that he was never informed about the number of the door. Jimin looks both ways, trying to decide which way he should go. The floor is laid out with a gray, hard carpet, the light is harshly white and cold.  There aren’t many doors on the floor and the corridors seem much shorter than the main lobby. 

 

Jimin turns right just to realize there is information next to doors on golden badges. He makes his way to the end of the corridor, making a surprised face whenever he recognizes the name of an artist or a producer. He turns around with a whine when he checks the last door of this wing — not the door he is looking for.

 

Finally, at the last door, with a doormat with cat flipping him off on it, he finds the name he was looking for — Agust D. Also, the only door where he sees two password screens but he will ignore this. He rings the bell situated next to the name tag and waits. Jimin can hear the door unlock so he fixes his poster. Then he hears another lock and then a keypad, and then the door opens but not the door he is looking at. One more time he hears a sound of unlocking a door and the door finally opens. Almost hitting him in the face.

 

He quickly takes a step back, barely stopping himself from falling. Yoongi leaves the door open, throwing him an unimpressed look and moves back inside.

 

“What took you so long?” The older asks, his back to Jimin as he younger closes the second pair of the door behind him.

 

Jimin presses his lips together, feeling irritated just by the way Yoongi treats him. He has a feeling he isn’t welcoming other artists with his back when they come here to work on a song. 

 

“I couldn’t find the right door.” He says, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

 

He glances at a couple of things, the space feels weirdly small considering the wide spacing between other doors at the floor. He would like to not feel trapped here with the only person he hates in the entire universe.

 

Yoongi finally turns around to him with a sigh, “Let’s not waste time. Show me what you got there.” He says, nodding at Jimin’s folder he keeps clenching in his hands.

 

Jimin needs to take a deep breath and squeeze his lips shut to stop himself from blowing up. He hands the folder into Yoongi’s waiting hand. His brain once again thinks it’s a perfect time for a flashback, reminding Jimin how this hand used to reach deep inside him. Jimin feels a wave of hot blood coming to his face as he sits awkwardly on the leather couch.

 

He throws glances at Yoongi, trying to see his reaction to the lyrics but whenever he does he remembers things he shouldn’t. When Yoongi turns around, laying the paper on the desk as he turns on some program, nodding to some imagined beat Jimin remembers how his head used to bop between his legs. It’s making him feel really embarrassed.

 

Yeah, sometimes he remembers random things that happened in his life but it’s never like this and Jimin hates it. He came in here angry and it hasn’t even been a full ten minutes since they sat here but he wants to leave immediately. 

 

Jimin was sure he will want to leave because of Yoongi being annoying and making his blood boil but it’s all because his brain keeps reminding him of the nastiest of things they did together.

 

“I might have an idea for my own verse,” Yoongi says suddenly, pulling Jimin out of his embarrassing spiral.

 

Jimin snaps his head up, about to protest Yoongi collaborating but then he remembers they are here for this. He keeps forgetting this part of the whole deal. 

 

The whole time Yoongi reads the lyrics Jimin can see the small smirk that grows here and there and he can barely stop himself from getting up and strangling the older. This is exactly why he didn’t want Yoongi to work on this particular song. He wants to tell Yoongi this isn’t about him, just to wipe that smile off his face but he knows that speaking up about it will just assure the older it’s a song about him.

 

“It’s really good.” Yoongi says, taking the paper from the desk to look at it as he moves his chair from the desk to stretch out his legs, “I might have an idea for a beat but we will discuss that in a second.”

 

Jimin scrunches his eyebrows in confusion at Yoongi’s excitement about this song. Nothing is how he imagined it and it somehow makes him mad. He always was weak for the older’s compliments, it always meant more than anyone else telling him exactly the same. He hates how proud Yoongi makes him.

 

He knows his songs are good. He doesn’t need no ex-boyfriend’s assurance to feel good about his creations. Jimin wants to say that he doesn’t believe Yoongi’s compliment after he was his ugly smirk but he stops himself and it takes a lot in him.

 

If Jimin has to go with his intuition, this excitement seems fake. Too energetic and definitely not how he used to be. But maybe Jimin doesn’t know him at all, so he will just stay suspicious. For some reason, he feels like he is walking into some kind of trap. Like Yoongi tries to lead him into a vulnerable state and then crush him as he did before.

 

Jimin does everything he knows that will annoy any producer. He just whines and says no to everything, even if his heart picks up at a certain melody. He just doesn’t want to like anything Min Yoongi put his hands on. 

 

Yoongi’s good mood doesn’t last long, and Jimin feels somehow accomplished when he sees how he tries to stay calm. It’s easy to see that he is angry at how picky the younger is. He can’t hide the wide, bright smile when the older gets up.

 

“Can you fucking stop being a brat? I’m trying to make you a song!” He hisses, waving the paper in front of Jimin’s face.

 

“Make me a song? I thought I’m part of the process!” Jimin screams, not stopping himself from raising his voice. It feels like he was holding it in for ages.

 

He knows this is pointless to scream about it but when he sees Yoongi he just feels the need to scream.

 

Yoongi rolls his eyes, “I’m trying my best to be nice. Why are you like this?!” Yoongi says loudly, still not raising his voice enough for it to be called screaming.

 

“No! You were being a fucking liar! That’s what you have been! You are always lying about everything!” Jimin screams, taking a step closer, pointing accusing finger at Yoongi.

 

“I never lied to you, you stupid midget!” Yoongi says, throwing his head back with something akin to resignation.

 

Jimin shuts his fist tight, so ready to hit something or someone. His anger and frustration make him almost unable to think.

 

“Yes, you did!” Jimin argues with fists shut next to his stiff body. “Everything was a lie and now you came back to annoy me! You think I’m stupid and think you went out of your way to get ahold of me for anything other than to make my life a nightmare?”

 

Yoongi looks baffled as he takes a step back, taking in a deep breath, “Why are you making it hard?” He asks, turning around to face Jimin again with almost a pleading look. “Just why? Can’t we just make it a song in a nice atmosphere?”

 

Jimin drops his shoulder, all the tension leaves him and in its place is a weird sense of shame. He feels like he did something bad, as always he did something wrong. It was always like this between them. Yoongi was never at fault and even if it was only because he never did anything in their relationship, it always meant that Jimin is the bad one.

 

“I’m not doing anything.” He says, way quieter, trying to somehow turn this around. Trying to stop this awful shame that starts growing deep down inside him. “You are the one who came back to make my life hard.” 

 

Yoongi groans, falling on the couch, “From the second you walked in you’d had this hateful look on your face. Do you really hate me this much?” 

 

Jimin hugs himself, biting on his bottom lip, weirded out by Yoongi’s calm reaction to his words, “Don’t you hate me too?”

 

Yoongi’s eyes turn a little sad, “No, no Jimin. Why would I hate you? I didn’t agree to do this to, quote you, “make your life hard.”  I want to work with you.”

 

Jimin looks around, slowly taking in the studio space. It’s so different from what they used to share. Yoongi’s old studio was too small, too hot and dust piled up everywhere no matter how many times Jimin came in to clean. This is well lit and clean, the temperature here is kept just how Yoongi likes it those days and the equipment is expensive. Jimin bets he doesn’t have to fight with cables for the mixer to work.

 

Yoongi also seems different. Jimin doesn’t recognize him as the man he hates. Min Yoongi never enjoyed talking about what he feels and he never wanted to confront anyone. It was often the reason for their miscommunication and lack of understanding. And now, in front of him stands somebody completely different, somebody who has past behind them, looking into the future, not keeping grudges against anyone.

 

“I don’t have a reason to hate you,” Yoongi says slowly, trying to catch Jimin’s eyes. “You know that?”

 

Jimin feels like Yoongi speaks to him like he is a toddler and it irritates him. One second he was calm and now he is back at being mad at the older. He hates feeling like he is not being treated as an equal.

 

Jimin raises his brows, feeling ready to fight, “Oh thank you, you gold hearted, great mister! So nice of you to not hate me!”

 

“I was really hoping we can just have a nice time here-”

 

Jimin laughs, “Fuck no! There is nothing nice in seeing you!”

 

Yoongi looks hurt and disappointed with Jimin’s words. He smiles weakly, taking his seat at the desk. Without any response he goes back to fixing a beat, turning on and off one sound as he tries to place it somewhere it will sound better.  

 

Jimin wasn’t expecting this. He was ready for Yoongi to respond as rude to him. There was a time in their relationship where they did nothing but hurt each other. Yoongi was never the one to scream but if Jimin got mad enough, he said enough hurtful things Yoongi was able to respond and it always hurt more than Jimin could handle.

 

Jimin was the one to push Yoongi into telling those things to him but Jimin always took it personally. 

 

So now he is really shocked when Yoongi leaves him hanging.

 

Confused and still angry Jimin decides to leave. He can’t stay here much longer. Yoongi keeps making him feel like he is a small child, like he is the one who is in the wrong when in the end it was Yoongi who left him broken like this.

 

Yoongi doesn’t stop him, nor does he turn around when Jimin starts putting on his jacket. It hurts just like seeing Yoongi does. This pain feels weirdly familiar to what he used to feel all those years back. Jimin never liked to part ways with Yoongi after a fight but it often was better than kept fighting.

 

But now he can’t find a way to blame this on Yoongi or to even explain himself why he got so man at the older. It makes no sense but when he in the moment, angry, he feels like his hatred is logical.

 

Jimin drives not too far from the studio, stops at a random parking lot and leaves his car there.

 

The weather gets cold and his jacket doesn’t do much to keep him warm but he enjoys it. The cold breeze coming through his hair helps him calm down.

 

This day was way worse than he thought and he feels bad, really bad. It hurts to see Yoongi, to smell him. He hates how everything about his is the same but so different at the same time.

 

Jimin wraps his arms around his torso, trying to keep himself warm as he walks around Seoul, eyes searching for any stars on the gray city sky. It’s a sad view, it looks just how he feels right now - dull and empty.

 

He has no idea how he will explain this to Seokjin. Just thinking about this makes him feel ashamed. And his manager, he has promised him to try his best. Jimin disappointed two important people today only because he just couldn’t stop being petty for a while. 

 

He takes in a sharp breath, willing to stop his bottom lip from trembling.

 

Jimin knows he can’t lie to himself even if he can lie to everyone else. He is scared, so scared. He tries to push Yoongi away, to be mad at him and not let them be civil because he fears.

 

He can’t deny his heart picked up its rate today and his hands got sweaty. Jimin isn’t dumb when it comes to his feelings. It’s better to be mad because what if letting his guard down means falling again? 

 

Not again, that’s a lie.

 

Jimin never stopped loving Yoongi. And it brings him closer to tears because all he ever wanted was to forget but nothing ever compared. He was trying so hard to let those feelings go but instead he turned it into hate. 

 

Being nice means feeling everything again and he will be alone in this because Yoongi has long forgotten about him. There is no place in his life for Park Jimin and there probably never was in the first place.

 

He went over all of this many times in his head, continuously feeling like he is going through that young heartbreak over and over again. It’s probably why it stayed with him as a dull pain he can’t get rid of. Jimin might act like a child most of the time but at the end of the day, he can think rationally. It’s something many people, including his own manager, don’t believe after so many of his reckless choices.

 

Yes, rationally speaking what was between them is in the past but Jimin never truly put it in the past. He keeps dragging it behind himself into every relationship he starts. It’s bad for him and bad for people he dates and it’s a reason why he can’t stay in a relationship for long.

 

He hates Yoongi for absolutely no reason and every possible reason there might be. Jimin will turn every sweet memory of Yoongi into a bitter taste just to try and stop himself for missing the older. Because he misses him, so fucking much. 

 

No matter how many times he prays to any god there might be, begging for them to take those feelings away, crying himself to sleep, feeling embarrassed because he can’t stop himself from waking up and being disappointed no matter who lays next to him. 

 

He hates it and he blames Yoongi for all of this. If he would never show up in his life it would be so much easier. If he wouldn’t accept Jimin’s confession - his crush would just die down and he would move on. Yes, he would be sad but he wouldn’t be crying over it for months and carry this sadness further.

 

Yet, he can’t imagine his youth without Yoongi. It’s such a messy thing, he still doesn’t fully understand how his mind works. Because he is happy that Yoongi was his first, that he let him take his time and guided him through everything when it comes to love and relationships. It’s thanks to Yoongi he feels so confident in his skin.

 

Yoongi helped Jimin build his confidence, he cheered for him through all auditions and dance competition. He was next to Jimin when he was studying, fighting with his parents and friends. Jimin has so many amazing memories with Yoongi but instead of them bringing a smile on his face they bring tears to his eyes.

 

Jimin takes a long time to go back home, ignoring all of his friends' text asking if the meeting is still happening. It would be smart of him to go out and take his mind off of Yoongi and his mess of a heart but he really doesn’t feel he would be able to hold back tears.

 

The following days aren’t going easy for him. He is constantly annoyed, everything frustrates him and he is losing his temper over the smallest things. His friends start to avoid him, Yoongi doesn’t contact him since he left his studio which is both amazing and the worst thing ever. 

 

He understands why Yoongi wouldn’t want him back in his studio but he never canceled the collaboration, which means he is probably working on Jimin’s song on his own. He hates the idea of this; he never just lets a producer work without his supervision - he is a freak when it comes to his the way his music sounds like. 

 

Jimin keeps switching from feeling guilty and wanting to call Yoongi to apologize and ask if they can start this collaboration once again to want to call him to scream at him, to telling him horrible things just so Yoongi is as angry as Jimin is. Since he realized he was acting without a real reason to hate Yoongi he just wants to hate him more, he wants to go against any logic to protect himself.

 

When Seokjin hears it he just rolls his eyes, leaving Jimin without any help.

 

“Jimin,” Seokjin says, running a hand over his face. “I could help you but to be honest, your rational thinking is clouded with hate. You won’t take any actual advice from me or anymore, I know you.”

 

“Plus, I know damn well that you know what’s happening and you need to let it happen.” It makes Jimin as angry as Yoongi’s face does and Seokjin decides it’s his cue to leave him alone. 

 

So Jimin is left confused and without any advice. Of course, he knows what’s happening but he doesn’t want it to be the truth. He was hoping Seokjin will help him find any other reason. (He was really hoping that Seokjin will tell him it’s okay to hate your ex-boyfriend and it doesn’t mean anything.)

 

Taehyung is even worse. Because Seokjin just left him to fill up the blanks in his statement but Taehyung just slammed the truth into Jimin’s face.

 

Through the whole story, Tae throws him a very unimpressed look, the one he has for him whenever he knows something. Jimin tries his best to show the story in a way that would seem like there is a reason to be mad at Yoongi. 

 

“He is in his studio, not contacting me at all! If he thinks he can just take my song he is very fucking wrong!” He almost screams, pacing on Taehyung’s very shiny and slippery wooden floor.

 

“So why don’t you call him and ask when are you meeting up again? You know, like an adult?” His best friend says with his mouth full of ramen.

 

Jimin actually gasps, looking at Taehyung with a shocked expression, mouth hanging open.

 

“Have you lost your mind?” He asks, squinting his eyes at Taehyung.

 

Taehyung rolls his eyes so hard Jimin gets scared for a second, “No, but it sure looks like you did.”

 

Jimin huffs, putting his fisted hands on his hips, looking away from his best friend, “I didn’t.” He mumbles.

 

“Jimin,” Taehyung almost whines. “I understand that he hurt you but it was years ago. Yes, you still love him” Jimin opens his mouth to protest loudly but Taehyung doesn’t let him. “and of course, you can feel bad about it.”

 

Jimin’s shoulders sag with a defeated sigh. He throws Taehyung a begging expression, feeling his eyes begin to water.

 

“It’s okay Jimin. You are allowed to feel.” Taehyung says much softer, slowly coming over with his arms open. “Does it hurt this bad?”

 

Jimin hugs into Taehyung’s warmth, hiding his face in his shoulder. He feels extremely fragile right now, completely exposed and even if it’s Taehyung - it’s scary.

 

“Tae, I’m so scared.” He whispers, his voice breaking at the end.

 

Taehyung runs his hand through Jimin’s hair, “Stop fighting it, let it happen. You know?” He murmurs into Jimin’s hair. “We will catch you if something will go wrong.”

 

At this Jimin breaks into loud sobs, fisting his hands at the back of Taehyung’s sweater. Jimin can feel the phantom pain in his chest caused just by pure thought of letting his heart burst with emotions once again. It’s something he wants to feel for so long but this isn’t how he wanted it.

 

Jimin spends the next couple of days moping around, imagining scenarios in which Yoongi leaves him again after he let himself love him. Those make him cry even when he is out in public. Some make him genuinely smile but even if all of them end in a sad way where Jimin is left broken, alone and feeling ashamed once more. 

 

His manager finally realizes that Jimin hasn’t talked to him about the producer and asks him how is the song going. Jimin, as the adult that he is, decides to lie to him about it going great. This lie is the push he needed to finally contact Yoongi after getting imaginary dumped hundreds of times.

 

Jimin’s hand is sweaty as he chooses the number and just three signals that keep him in the highest state of stress before he abruptly hangs up, throwing his phone on the other end of the couch as if it burned him.

 

What’s really scary is how it’s not even a full minute after he threw his phone when he can hear it vibrating again the cushion. Jimin prays it’s not Yoongi when he slowly moves to reach for his device to flip it and see who’s calling. He tries his best to move as slow as possible, hoping whoever is calling will give up before he has the chance to pick up.

 

Any hope is out of the window when he flips the phone to see the cursed number lighting up his screen.

 

Great.

 

He battles with himself for a moment before he gulps and releases a silent scream while accepting the call.

 

“Yes?” He says calmly, as he falls on the couch fisting and kicking the air in anger and cringe.

 

“Jimin, this is getting ridiculous.” He can hear Yoongi’s tired voice.

 

Jimin repeats his words in his head with a mocking face, “What do you mean?” 

 

“Can we meet and just talk everything out so we can begin working on the song?” Yoongi asks, clearly being rational. “I just really want us to get along.”

 

Jimin squeezes his lips tightly, stopping himself from telling the older to fuck off. “Okay, wanna talk it out?” He says like it’s some kind of a fight call. “Come around if you are so willing to get along and talk to me.”

 

“Okay.” Yoongi says in a passive aggressive tone that lights Jimin up.

 

“Okay!” 

 

“Okay!” Yoongi parrots a little louder. “Send me your address.” He says after a moment of silence, hanging up.

 

Jimin sends his address, just to prove a point. It’s a second too late when he realizes what he just did and the realization hits him hard. Yoongi is coming here, and he never has been here nor did Jimin even though he would step inside this apartment.

 

It’s no longer Jimin’s old childhood bedroom, a very small room filled with his anime figurines. This isn’t familiar just like Yoongi’s new studio felt weird, it almost felt wrong like they weren’t meant to interact in there.

 

In Jimin’s head, their relationship is paused at the time they were still much younger when they didn’t really have anything of their own. When he imagines Yoongi walking into this apartment he imagines a mint haired guy with a thrifted leather jacket and it makes him weirdly nostalgic. Since the conversation with Taehyung, he started to let his thoughts wander to weird places.

 

One of those thoughts he has, quite a lot actually, is that he wishes things would never go bad. He wonders how three would act in a relationship now.  Would people know they are a couple or would they keep it lowkey? If they would be living together, but that seems like an obvious question because they used to live together. 

 

Jimin couldn’t stop his smile when he imagined himself dying Yoongi’s bleached hair pink in his all white marble bathroom. Yoongi was fun to do hair with, he was always making Jimin laugh when he should be focusing.

 

Yoongi actually takes a lot of time to arrive and it keeps Jimin on his feet with nervousness. In a normal situation, he wouldn’t be stopping himself from texting whoever is about to visit him, asking when they will be here or at least where they are. But this is anything but a normal situation so Jimin just walks around, hiding behind his blinds to look out of his window (he doesn’t want Yoongi to think he is waiting for him or something). 

 

It takes Jimin by surprise when the doorbell finally rings. So much he almost screams in fear as he jumps away from the bag of chips he was about to stress eat.

 

It’s really awkward; neither of them speak a single word as Jimin opens the door, silently letting Yoongi step in. He hovers over Yoongi, not sure what to do and how to act.  When Yoongi is done with taking off his shoes they are kind of just standing there, looking at each other and Jimin loses his breath.

 

He truly was avoiding looking at Yoongi when they saw each other in the studio, not even mentioning their brief meeting at the cafe. He looks different but painfully the same. His face is a little rounder but his jaw got sharper and Jimin can even see some dark hair on his chin. Back when they were still together Yoongi often was whining about his facial hair failing him but it looks like it got better. His skin is smooth and clean, not a single pimple, just the little scar on his forehead.

 

When Yoongi lifts his eyebrow in a question Jimin finally snaps out of his daze, stiffly rushing into the living room space. 

 

In the corner of his eye, he can see the way Yoongi slowly takes in the place, every piece of furniture, eyes glazing over the bookshelves, his eyes stopping at a couple of titles and Jimin thinks he knows why. He still has some books Yoongi got him as birthday gifts, he never could throw them out. The books weren’t at fault in their breakup.

 

“So,” Jimin says waving his hands next to his body, his word a little too loud.

 

Yoongi nods, sitting on the couch, a little awkwardly. Jimin takes it as his cue to sit as well, his hands neatly put on his knees.

 

“I hope we can reach some agreement and start working soon.” Yoongi states, his tone matching Jimin’s weird sitting position. “I-”

 

The older stops, eyes dropping to his hands where he is picking at the skin next to his thumb, a nervous habit. His thumbs seem to be even worse than they were those couple of years back. The skin is red, irritated and there is a fresh wound on both thumbs. Jimin feels the need to reach out and stop him from making it worse but he doesn’t feel like this would be appropriate. 

 

“I really don’t like this situation. To be honest, I was excited to see you again, I was curious how you’ve been.” He throws Jimin a quick glance. “I was hoping we could get back in touch.”

 

Jimin can’t stop the eye roll at that, “Your behavior at the cafe showed me something else.”

 

“Well, I got a little bit mad when you stepped in and threw me that look. But I really was happy to see you again.”

 

Logically Jimin knows his heart is singing in happiness, his hands are sweaty and overall his body feels just like when he first told Yoongi he likes him and he said it back. But he gets scared, terrified even. The way the older just got him back around his finger made Jimin want to fight back against it.

 

“I’m sure the people you fuck do a great job at making you see me. Don’t they?” Jimin hears himself say, the words are out quicker than he can even think about them.

 

Yoongi’s eyes go comically wide, his mouth stays open for a moment as if he is still processing what Jimin just said. Jimin can see his chance of having the older back next to him vanish just like that and it hurts; he wants to apologize, he wants to take back his words. But he can’t, he can’t make himself choke out those two damn words.

 

Yoongi cocks his head to the side, his eyes become sharper as he stands up slowly, “You know what? This song is quite ironic, isn’t it?” He doesn’t leave any room for Jimin to answer. “It’s a song about me, it’s it? Of course, it is, you just proved it.”

 

The older takes a step closer towards Jimin, making him stand up, not wanting to be spoken to from above.

 

“You think I’m the one who hates you and you think I’m going around trying to find a replacement for you. How come you think I’m the one trying to forget you when you did everything in your power to never see me?”

 

Yoongi takes a couple of steps closer to Jimin, making his back away all the way under a wall. He feels exposed and attacked.

 

“You think about me, you can’t forget it. Is that it? Is this why your relationships aren’t going as well as we did?” Yoongi says, a challenging look in his eyes.

 

“Don’t act like you are better than me!” He hisses, trying to make Yoongi drop the subject.

 

Yoongi steps closer, so close Jimin can feel his breath and it excites him. It shouldn’t but it does.

 

They haven’t been this close for years, Jimin’s wanted to feel Yoongi’s warmth again many times. He is angry and maybe can’t think straight right now but he wishes Yoongi would kiss him now. Even if it would be a mistake.

 

His heart skips a beat when Yoongi’s eyes drop to Jimin’s lips for a moment while they otherwise hold eye contact. Jimin decides to shoot his shot and moves a little closer, just a little. Enough to be suggestive if Yoongi wants it but not close enough for it to be uncomfortable for his personal space.

 

“But I don’t hate you.” Yoongi murmurs, making Jimin’s knees buckle.

 

They are both breathing heavily, eyes searching for answers, both waiting for something.

 

“You broke up with me.” Jimin whispers, feeling winded even though he hasn’t moved in a while.

 

Yoongi gulps loudly, nodding slowly, “I’ve made some mistakes in life.”

 

Jimin reaches out for Yoongi, putting his hand on the older’s neck but before he can pull him in Jimin can feel his warm hands on his hips as their lips connect in a bruising kiss. 

 

The kiss is rushed, tongues twisting together from the very beginning. Jimin wants to whine, feeling like he finally found water in the middle of a desert but Yoongi doesn’t seem much better.

 

The older uses his body to push Jimin harshly against a wall, his hands making their way under Jimin’s shirt and he lets him. He can’t get enough of the way Yoongi feels, how his mouth is just right, just how he remembers it. It feels like coming home after a long trip. 

 

Jimin can feel himself getting more and more excited with the way Yoongi kisses him how he likes it, touches him the way that always gets him hot. Combined with the way Yoongi moans, hisses and whines it makes his dick hard quicker than he can remember experiencing. 

 

Usually when a guy starts kissing Jimin’s neck he kind off cools down, starts thinking rationally but it’s the opposite with Yoongi. He feels his hips brush against Yoongi’s purposefully as the older kisses down his neck, teasing skin there with his tongue and teeth. The older seems to enjoy the way Jimin reacts, pulling their hips together and slowly grinding into him.

 

Jimin’s head falls back with a thud as he moans loudly, enjoying the way his dick feels trapped between their bodies. Jimin doesn’t remember the last time anyone was able to get him this horny in such a short amount of time but Yoongi has an unfair advantage none of his other boyfriends had - they didn’t own his heart.

 

This thought freezes his muscles as cold fear takes over once again. He can feel Yoongi’s warm, wet tongue on his earlobe. His heart picks up the pace as if it wasn’t hammering already as he lets out a shaky breath.

 

Just let it happen. - He can hear Taehyung’s voice inside his head and it calms him down. Jimin decides to go as far as Yoongi will want to go and see what will happen later. He wished for it for so many years and now Yoongi is here, holding him like nothing ever changed.

 

Yoongi’s hand brushes at Jimin’s waistband, making Jimin’s breath stutter but he doesn’t let himself get shy now. He isn’t sure what Yoongi likes nowadays and surely he doesn’t really care. Yoongi could ask him to do anything and he would do as he is told to. However, Jimin wasn’t expecting Yoongi to suddenly drop on his knees and teasingly nose on Jimin’s rock hard boner trapped in his tight jeans.

 

Yoongi starts nuzzling at Jimin’s erection, holding the younger’s thighs harshly to keep him in place. Jimin can do nothing but look in awe as the producer smiles into the bulge. A little unsure if he is allowed Jimin puts his hand in Yoongi’s hair. The delicate touch gets harsher as Yoongi starts mouthing his dick, wetting Jimin’s jeans with his saliva. 

 

“Can I?” Yoongi asks breathlessly.

 

Jimin can’t make himself speak so he just nods, pushing Yoongi back into his groin as their eyes lock. Something dangerous and lustful shines from Yoongi’s eyes as he unzips Jimin’s jeans, keeping the eye contact firmly. It makes Jimin almost look away, almost because he can’t stop looking at Yoongi, at his huge, pale hands in contrast to Jimin’s skin. 

 

Yoongi doesn’t even bother pulling Jimin’s jeans down. He seems satisfied as soon as he can pull Jimin’s dick out of his underwear. Usually, guys try to get Jimin fully naked but Yoongi seems too focused on what he is about to do to even care about clothes still being on. It seems rushed and lustful and it makes Jimin even hornier, the feeling of spontaneousness and a little bit of wildness.

 

The younger almost chokes on saliva as Yoongi starts slowly stroking his member, eyes dropping to watch his hand with a satisfied grin on his lips. Jimin’s tip is red and the need to finish is fastly approaching him as Yoongi starts teasing him with his tongue. Jimin feels like he needs something to hold onto but there isn’t anything he can use to support himself, so he grabs Yoongi by his hair.

 

The older hums in delight, taking the harsh tug as his cue to take Jimin in. 

 

Jimin remembers when Yoongi sucked his dick for the first time; he was shy, a little unsure and felt like his soul is leaving his body. Right now he is feeling exactly the same but it’s years later and their situation is different. But he feels a weird sense of familiarity, maybe because they used to be very close and explored each other’s bodies many times or maybe it’s just because in a weird way Jimin feels a sense of security here, with Yoongi.

 

Yoongi isn’t even doing too much, just slowly moves up and down, each time taking Jimin a little deeper than before. His tongue is pressing in all the right places in a way that make Jimin’s legs shake. The older runs his hands up and down Jimin’s leg in a calming gesture as he takes a deep breath and takes Jimin fully in, relaxing his jaw.

 

Jimin can’t stop the high pitched whine as the older swallows around him. Yoongi takes Jimin out without any rush, sucking harder on the tip before he pulls away, letting his saliva run down Jimin’s dick into his pubic hair. The older doesn’t give Jimin a break before he puts his member back into his mouth and starts moving faster, using Jimin’s legs to hold himself as he sucks and slurps making sure the euphoric feeling doesn’t stop running through Jimin’s body even for a moment.

 

Jimin finishes abruptly with a loud moan, his legs shaking, eyes rolling back and hips pushing forward. Yoongi doesn’t try to back away but rather tries to take more of Jimin inside his mouth, his tongue stimulating Jimin through his orgasm. 

 

“Ah! Ah- Ah- Shit!” Jimin whines, tightening the grip on Yoongi’s hair, trying to pull him off his member when he starts feeling it’s too much.

 

The older releases Jimin but first he gives him one last harsh suck, making sure he milked Jimin of it all. The younger has no power in his legs so he slides on the floor where he is on the same eye level with Yoongi. 

 

The older looks so good, his skin is glowing, his lips are red and swollen, making his cute pout even more visible. His pale skin is dusted pink and Jimin can see the drool on his chin. They are both panting and Jimin can’t stop the low moan as he keeps staring at Yoongi. 

 

The older smiles when he hears that and leans in for a kiss, this time much calmer. Their lips slide together and Jimin loves the taste of himself on Yoongi, it makes him almost dizzy. Jimin can feel the ghost of Yoongi’s warm breath on his lips, they are still both panting, not giving themselves time to calm down.

 

There is only one thing on Jimin’s mind and it’s to make Yoongi feel good, as good as he made him feel. He wants to give back as much and maybe even more. The younger slowly lifts himself, lightly pushing Yoongi backward onto the floor. Yoongi lays down obeying, their lips still connected as Jimin starts unzipping his jeans.

 

The excitement is running through his blood system as he feels Yoongi’s skin under his fingers. The older seems to fully relax, letting Jimin do whatever he wants to do. When he finally touches Yoongi’s members he can feel his softening one twitching, edger to go back into full hardness. 

 

Jimin pulls away from the kiss and looks down at his hand going up and down Yoongi’s dick in a slow, precise movement. Jimin always thought that Yoongi has a nice dick, thick and long but nothing he couldn’t take. He also loved Yoongi’s balls, big and heavy. 

 

Yoongi is leaking, making the movements a little wetter but it’s not enough for Jimin. He moves down and lays on his side, one hand moving without a break as he gets himself comfortable at face level with Yoongi’s member. The older moves around, giving Jimin better access.

 

“Shit!” He feels Yoongi whisper scream as he starts to licks and mouths all over Yoongi’s dick, purposefully leaving his saliva dripping down the length. 

 

“You like it like that, don’t you?” Jimin murmurs, lips barely above the member, sending vibrations through it.

 

Yoongi chuckles, running his hand through Jimin’s hair. The younger melts at the feeling so familiar, the spark of pure happiness lighting inside him.

 

Jimin starts speeding up his hand movements pretty quickly, impatient to see Yoongi fall apart due to his actions. He keeps salivating all over it, making it sloppy and loud. He throws his leg over Yoongi’s, trapping one of them between his legs and starts humping it in the same rhythm he is jacking off Yoongi. 

 

He can’t stop himself from taking Yoongi inside his mouth, slurping him loudly, moaning and whining as he starts feeling overstimulated and not satisfied at the same time. Jimin can’t keep up with himself, his breathing is erratic as his body tries to keep up with his needs.

 

Jimin makes sure to get deeper inside Yoongi’s jeans, groping the older’s balls with a happy sigh. He keeps changing from sucking to jerking Yoongi off. He doesn’t remember when was the last time he was so hungry for a man he couldn’t make up his mind on what he is doing. 

 

Yoongi tries warning Jimin before he will cum but it’s too late, Jimin isn’t fast enough to catch him back between his lips and Yoongi finishes all over his expensive black shirt. Jimin sucks out of him all he is able to before he collapses on the floor next to the older, completely ignoring his aching member.

 

He feels satisfied. 

 

It takes them a while to calm down a little. With each breath, Jimin feels like he can think more clearly once again. Before any sense of fear can crush his afterglow Yoongi is scooping closer, pulling Jimin into his chest and he goes in willingly. 

 

It feels good, so good Jimin fears what will happen after they will collect themselves but he did as he was advised. There isn’t any sense of regret. Jimin feels perfectly content as he lays his head on Yoongi’s shoulder, breathes in his perfume. He feels like he found all pieces of himself.

 

“I think we should talk about us,” Yoongi says quietly, squeezing Jimin’s shoulder, hugging him closer to himself.

 

Jimin is scared but by the way Yoongi’s heart is beating he can tell he isn’t the only one feeling unsure.

 

“Okay,” Jimin says quietly, biting on his bottom lip.

 

Jimin doesn’t know what more to say so he doesn’t say anything. Will they be talking now? He kind of wishes to postpone this conversation, to stay in this bubble a little longer.

 

Yoongi pulls away enough to look at Jimin, his sharp eyes instantly making Jimin want him all over again. It wasn’t enough, he was away from the older for too much time and now he can’t be satisfied. Yoongi seems to think the same way because instead of speaking, he kisses Jimin. 

 

The kiss is less aggressive than the first one but it’s still full of passion and want. Jimin is still hard and his member twitches as Yoongi pushes him onto his back. Jimin pulls him closer, wanting to feel Yoongi all over him. 

 

It’s Jimin who breaks the kiss, unable to stop the loud moan as Yoongi takes his dick into his hand, squeezing him at the base.

 

“Can you go again?” Jimin asks desperately, panting as Yoongi starts slowly teasing his member with his fingers.

 

Yoongi smirks, coming closer for another kiss. “I think you know the answer.” He whispers, his voice dropping dangerously low.

 

Of course, Jimin knows the answer. They used to fuck like rabbits, especially if they were apart for a couple of days. It wasn’t just them being hormonal but also them being madly in love. 

 

“Let’s go to bed.” Jimin proposes between kisses, yet he still holds Yoongi tight, not letting him get off him.

 

They make it to Jimin’s bedroom pretty quickly after leaving most of their clothes on the living room floor. 

 

For Jimin it feels surreal to see Yoongi naked in his room, in his sheets. It’s something he’s used to in his fantasies when he feels especially lonely but tonight it’s real and he can feel it. Yoongi makes sure that he feels it everywhere, just how he likes it. 

 

Yoongi doesn’t break eye contact with Jimin, no matter how shy the younger feels, even if he almost cries when Yoongi keeps abusing his prostate with his fingers and pushing his dick back inside. His eyes even if lustful hold the warmth in them that Jimin missed, the same warmth Jimin remembers from years back. 

 

Even if Yoongi is slamming into Jimin with so much force the younger moves up the mattress his eyes stay soft, kisses become more and more delicate and Jimin holds onto them, tries to remember each one of them.

 

Yoongi never really was a talker when it comes to sex but tonight he makes sure that Jimin knows how beautiful he is. It brings Jimin closer to orgasm than anything else that Yoongi does to him.

 

Jimin finishes for his third time that night with tears in his eyes, arms threw around Yoongi’s neck as the older spills inside him, his hips twitching uncontrollably. 

 

“Stay, please, stay,” Jimin whines quietly, hoping Yoongi can’t hear him.  

 

Yoongi chuckles, kissing Jimin’s shoulder and falling on top of him, their sweat and cum mixing together.

 

“Did I overstimulate you too much?” He jokes quietly and it breaks Jimin’s hopes for more.

 

Before he can say anything else, hoping to find something that would cover his humiliating begging, Yoongi is asleep on top of him.

 

Jimin falls asleep soon after Yoongi slips off him a little bit, mumbling in his sleep. Jimin covers them with a blanket and hugs Yoongi closer to himself, wanting to take as much as this night will give him.

 

But it’s not an easy sleep for Jimin, he keeps waking up from half-sleep to check if Yoongi is still laying in the bed. Yoongi seems to move around a lot in his sleep, way more than he used to and Jimin keeps wondering if the older is awake just like him. 

 

Finally, when the sky turns into a cold baby blue color Jimin decides to get up, take a shower and try to somehow numb the pain that shoots from his hips and ass. He forgot how really good, passionate sex feels like and now he has to stumble his way into a shower.

 

Jimin does a lot of thinking, planning a whole monologue in his brain. He really wants to try and keep Yoongi around, he wants to try again. Yoongi’s words from yesterday keep ringing in his head and Jimin can’t stop the blooming hope that he meant that he still wants Jimin. 

 

He leaves the shower after he makes sure there isn’t a single drop of cum inside him or on him. Jimin’s eyes open wide when he walks into his bedroom with a towel around his hips and sees Yoongi already sitting on the bed, fully dressed. Was he going to leave without saying anything?

 

They stay in complete silence, Yoongi keeps his eyes on the ground. No matter how many times Jimin takes a deep breath, wanting to say something, anything he planned on telling the words get stuck in his throat.

 

Yoongi breaks the silence after a while, “I did a lot of growing up in those couple of years.” He starts, finally looking up with a small smile on his face. “It took me a while to understand why we didn’t work out and-” He stops himself, taking a deep breath. “I always wished I would get a chance to fix that because I think I know where I made mistakes.”

 

Jimin frowns, eyes stuck on Yoongi’s hands as he takes a step into the room. Should this be this easy? He feels suspicious because he never thought getting back is possible and if it would be possible, he never thought it would be easy. 

 

“What do you mean?” He asks, trying not to sound too hopeful.

 

Yoongi clears his throat, “I know it’s a shitty way to do it but I want to ask you to give me a chance.”  He says quietly, getting up with an awkward smile. “If you could want me again, we could go slow.” 

 

Jimin looks at the older dumbfounded as Yoongi takes a step closer, reaching out for Jimin. Yoongi must have to take Jimin’s expression as a rejection because his smile flatters.

 

“If not a chance, then can we stay in touch?” Yoongi asks, scratching his neck as his ears become red.

 

“I thought you wanted a chance,” Jimin says, suddenly feeling close to tears.

 

This time Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to move closer, cupping Jimin’s puffy cheeks in his hands, “Of course I do.”

 

It’s enough of assurance for Jimin. He beams a huge smile at Yoongi, throwing his arms around the older’s neck. From this close proximity, Jimin can still smell Yoongi’s perfume and last night’s sex on him and he really doesn’t mind. 

 

Yoongi hugs him back laughing as he stumbles backward, “I wish you were this excited about me at the cafe.” He teases.

 

Jimin would say something back but he can’t think about anything else that words that are too big for now.

 

They take it slow, just as Yoongi suggested. It only feels right to meet each other again. Against what Jimin feared, Yoongi didn’t change that much at all, other than maturing, but so did Jimin. They still can laugh and talk like they weren’t separated for years and it feels good.

 

“Hey,” Jimin mumbles, mouth full of popcorn, nudging Yoongi with his foot as they lay with their heads on the opposite ends of the couch, watching a movie. “Did you finish your verse for the song?” 

 

Yoongi grumps a sound of agreement, “Made it petty.” He mumbles, eyes focused on the flat screen hanging from the wall.

 

“Should I feel attacked?” 

 

Yoongi scrunches his nose, shaking his head, “It’s nothing personal.”

 

Jimin gasps, kicking Yoongi on the back playfully, “Stop clowning me!” 

 

The song comes together slowly. It was weird at first to read his own words about Yoongi back after making up and going out on the first date. He felt embarrassed but Yoongi was very professional. Unfortunately for Jimin, the more comfortable they got with each other again, the more he was teasing him about it. 

 

“Not my fault you hate your ex so much.” He says, laughing and holding Jimin’s legs so he can’t attack him again. “He was a dick anyway, I’m better.” 

 

Jimin doesn’t tell Seokjin or Taehyung for a while, still scared something will go wrong and they will decide to not stay in touch. Yoongi seems less stressed about things like that because Jimin meets his friends pretty quickly. Jimin knew Yoongi is friends with Hoseok; gossip websites keep trying to prove that they are dating. In Yoongi’s friend group there is also Jungkook, a young star that takes over the country by storm, who Jimin never before had the opportunity to talk to and there is also Namjoon, a well known producer that Jimin had the opportunity to work with in the past.

 

However, Jimin’s manager stays left out, finding out only when he catches them making out in the bathroom during an award show ceremony. Which was Jimin’s idea because he always wanted to know how it feels to do something dirty while top national artists come in and out of the bathroom. But they didn’t make it far before Jimin’s manager stormed in. 

 

Yet, Jimin feels a little better when they come back to their seats after being caught like teenagers in a school’s locker room. They are sat together, since they are nominated as a duo, and Yoongi keeps teasing him the whole night. Jimin is thankful for the red lighting when Yoongi catches his hands between his own, warming them up. It’s cold in the building, it’s a huge place and it’s far behind the hot summer so it’s not so surprising. Yoongi enjoys teasing Jimin for the whole night, playing with his earring with very fake curiosity about the jewelry, just so he can run his fingers behind Jimin’s ear, the place the younger is very sensitive.

 

Jimin is throwing glances at Taehyung, who snitches, for the rest of the night. He took a break from throwing daggers at his best friend when he and Yoongi won the song of the year. 

 

The news about them being a couple breaks soon after than after a couple of other award shows where they keep smiling at each other. It’s hard to miss and Jimin is actually surprised how long it took for media to finally catch on it.

 

Yoongi takes Jimin can home for Chuseok, which really isn’t that big of a deal because they would be going to the same city anyway. They spend time with both of their families. Yoongi’s mom almost has a heart attack when she sees them both at her door, holding hands and bickering over who is handing her flowers. Yoongi’s father however only whispers that he always knew, earning a slap across his balding head.

 

Jimin’s family is less shocked, although they try to act as if they are. Of course, Yoongi’s mother probably contacted Jimin’s as soon as it was possible. It’s not shocking even if they weren’t aware that their parents kept in touch after their relationship fell apart.

 

Looking back at how things ended Jimin can definitely tell that it was a good thing. Yes, it hurt for a long time but it allowed them to grow into both separate people when as a couple they started to lean on each other too much in their young adult life. 

 

Yoongi is so much better at expressing his emotions and speaking up when he doesn’t like something and Jimin is so much better at listening to the older. It’s not until they are officially back together when Jimin realizes how bad he used to be at actively asking his partner about his opinions and thoughts.

 

They don't move in together too soon this time and enjoy their own social life where they can have a break from each other. Jimin used to worry when they were younger and the room became quiet but now he can be comfortable in silence as they sit next to each other. 

 

It’s not always easy and pretty. There are things that were said in the past that still hurt them both, that still need to be touched upon, explained and apologized for and they take it slowly. They build this relationship carefully, making sure they are both happy and comfortable while getting rid of anything that could wake up any insecurities.

 

They aren’t perfect and their love isn’t perfect and it will never be. But with care and understanding, they know they can build a beautiful life for each other.