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This Should Definitely Happen

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Wei Wuxian wakes up. 

Well — kind of.

There’s an attempt. 

Then he decides he doesn’t like that, and closes his eyes. 

When he opens them again, there’s somebody there, but everything’s so blurry, so he decides he should close his eyes for a few more minutes. Then he’s awake again —- and wow, things are still blurry. 

This happens for a few more times, and every time, he’s in the same place, and the same person is beside his bed. Which means that’s reality. It’s happening.

After awhile, he feels like he’s awake — he’s not sure, but he thinks he is. Things are so weird right now. 

There’s a man.

He’s holding onto his hand, but reading a book. 

He’s wearing a white shirt. 

He recognizes the book’s cover. 

Wei Wuxian squints — but wow, squinting takes so much effort. Whatever. He doesn’t understand what it says. It’s just a book. Whatever.

Things are difficult. Why is everything so difficult.

He’s in a room. 

He decides to try and communicate. 

“Hello.” He says.

The man looks up from his book. The way he smiles is — subtle. And cute. It’s not a big smile, and it’s not a grin, just a small smile, and it’s the best smile that Wei Wuxian has ever seen in his entire life, oh my god. 

“Hello.” He answers. He checks the time on his clock; “You woke up 3 hours earlier.” He mentions; “As expected.” He adds, as if this is something normal for Wei Wuxian. 

“As expected?” He repeats after him, because the way he said it is somewhere between extremely soothing and arousing and things are so difficult right now. 

“Well, the doctor said they’d keep you doped up for a few more hours. To help with the pain. You were supposed to wake up in 3 more hours. But you never do anything you’re supposed to do, so I’m not awfully surprised.”

“Why do you speak like that?” He asks. 

That was too much information. 

Things are difficult.

He doesn’t feel really sleepy, anymore — but things are difficult. Everything’s so heavy. Wei Wuxian isn’t going to move out of his spot any time soon.

The man is so good-looking, though. “You’re like — wow — dude, did you ever, like, see yourself? Like, in the mirror?” 

The man frowns. 

“You’re, like — seriously pretty , dude. Wow.” Wei Wuxian explains.  

The man is indeed seriously pretty. Somebody should give him a mirror. He is quite clearly unaware of how he looks like, and Wei Wuxian is going to be the one that will make him aware. 

Somehow knowing that he is the one that made him aware makes him filled with a sense of extreme pride. “Wow, man. Wow.” 

“You’re high.” The man snorts.

“I’m balls high, dude. I don’t even know where I am. It’s so bright in here. Like...” He trails off looking around. 

“You’re at the hospital.”

“Am I, like, dying?” 

This seems to amuse the man — damn, the way he smiles is fucking adorable, this is amazing, he should always smile, Wei Wuxian should just make him smile all the time. 

“No. You had a minor surgery on your chest area, so try not to touch there —” He actually removes the hand that Wei Wuxian already lifted to his chest. It was kind of itching and heavy there. 

That’s where the heaviness is coming from? The heaviness is every where. 

“Oh. Okay.” Wei Wuxian likes the feeling of his hand. That explains why he’s in the hospital. And the man must be the nurse that was assigned to him. Or doctor. Damn, this is amazing, if he knew there’s hot people hanging out in hospitals, he’d be doing surgeries every day. 

The nurse still hadn’t removed his hand from his. 

This guy is into him. 

Wei Wuxian is sure of it. 

“If I’m going to live — this —” He lifts his hand up, even though it feels so heavy, and gestures between them; “should definitely happen.” 

“This?” The man asks, and he’s amused again, and it’s all sorts of amazing. 

“Yes. You. Me. Maybe coffee. Maybe something more.”

“Maybe you should go back to sleep.” 

“No, man. I’m here, you’re here. We should like — communicate.” 

“Communicate.” He repeats after him. 

“Like — what’s your name and stuff? That sort of communication.” 

“You don’t know who I am?” His tone sounds a little doubtful. 

“No, I know who you are.” Wei Wuxian reassures him, furrowing his eyebrows; “You’re, what — that — you’re hotpersonsexy.”

“Hot person sexy?” 

“Yes.” 

“That’s my name?” 

“Look, you didn’t, like, introduce yourself, I’m doing my best, here.” 

“I can see that.” He snorts again, and then squeezes his hand — which Wei Wuxian forgot her was holding and leans back on the chair he’s been sitting. “Go back to sleep.” 

“No — I can do that. But later. I think we’re really hitting it off, here — and like, wow, I think we have a good thing going here. And —- I don’t want to wake up and you’re gone, and like, I’ll keep dreaming about you for years, and thinking how, like, I missed my shot, and then, we’ll meet again, when we’re, like, 35, and we’re both married, and then, like, it’s the wrong place and the wrong time, and I don’t want that, man. I want to live without regrets, I don’t want to wake up when I’m 30, and be like wow I did not live this life correctly and like, you know —”  

“Wei Ying,” The man cuts him off first chance he gets; “You’re 36. You’re past your 30s.” 

Wei Wuxian blinks at him, moving his head backward into the pillow, until his double-chin stops him from moving further. “I’m what?”

“You’re 36 years old.”  

He snorts. 

“How — how long was I in surgery?” 

“Two hours.” 

“Then —- was I 36 when I went to surgery?” 

He chuckles, rubbing his forehead; “You are so high right now.”

“How old are you, then?” 

“I am also 36.” 

Wei Wuxian opens his mouth. 

“Go to sleep, it’ll make sense when you wake up. I promise.” The man tells him, and goes back to his book. 

“No, wait — this is good. Listen, this is good. You’re old, but you look young, so, like, all the other geezers will think I scored myself a super hot young dude. This can still work.” 

He’s about to reply something, but he doesn’t get to, because next, the room is visited by some doctors and nurses. They actually wear medical robes and stuff, unlike the nurse that was in the room with him. 

They are so surprised that Wei Wuxian is awake, and they keep asking the hot nurse questions. Then they want to check the wound. Wei Wuxian insists that the hot nurse checks him and his vitals. Because, like, he’s hot. And the others aren’t as much. The dude’s nose is just like — it’s so noble? People don’t have noses like this, this is model-tier nose. 

When he reasons that as a valid reason to get checked by him specifically, he can tell that some people in the room are holding back from laughing, and he doesn’t get why? 

Because his nose — that’s like — wow —- wow — his lashes , though. Damn, they’re long as heck. 

Wei Wuxian is slightly disappointed that another nurse or doctor gets to manhandle him and check on his wound — and not the hot nurse dude — but he does get to witness him stands up to get the other nurse access to his wound. 

He shrugs on a blue flannel on top of his white shirt, and like — he’s just a tower of muscle.

Like there is muscles, everywhere . He’s just so big. 

It’s spectacular. 

There should be monthly pilgrimage to witness him. 

He crosses his hands on his chest as he waits for the doctors to discuss Wei Wuxian’s condition, and his shirt stretches on his biceps, and he’s like — wow, there’s so much of him, so much to take in.

Wei Wuxian can’t wait to take it all in.

Every single drop of it. 

Of him. 

By the time the doctors are finally leaving, Wei Wuxian feels the lull of darkness calling; he’s not sure how long he’s out cold, but when he wakes up, the man is sitting there, again, in his chair, reading a book; “Dude, are you, like, are you for real?” 

He looks up. 

“You’re perfect, there has to be, like, an unwritten rule about this somewhere. People can’t be perfect, that’s not fair. I don’t know. Did you ever, like — I don’t know, did you ever see yourself from somebody else’s perspective? because I can tell your right now, it’s a whole experience. I should recommend you on yelp.” 

Jesus .” He actually chuckles this time, shaking his head at him. 

Wei Wuxian grins, because he made him laugh; well, it was less than a laugh, but he doesn’t seem like the type of dude that laughs easily. 

“So — are we, like, are we going to talk about the intense sexual vibe here, or what?” 

“You’ve been literally awake for 7 minutes all together, exactly what sexual vibe are you sensing?” 

“Like this—” He gestures between them again; “this is amazing, dude, I never felt like this before.” 

“You’re lucky you weren’t eyeing the doctors just now, otherwise I’d think you’d be hitting on literally anybody in the room.”

“Oh my god, see? You’re already jealous, this is happening — this is so happening, we’re, like, meant to be. Listen — listen — listen,  wait until things aren’t heavy, listen, I can — I’m so good with my tongue, I had multiple people tell me that.” 

“Oh?” Now he actually looks interested, and he closes the book he’s holding; “Multiple people? Do tell.” 

“Yeah. Totally. I’m like — a sexual field. Fielnd. Fiend. Yes. But also, I’m romantic. I cried when I watched titanic. This proves I’m like — what — an attentive lover. And — I’m, okay, I’m like, awesome, too. I can be an awesome boyfriend. I can get you flowers, condoms, the whole shebang. And I don’t know if you noticed, but these nostrils — they’re all natural, baby. Like you will never find anybody else with nostrils as perfect as these. This is world class nostrils. Look at them go.” He huffs heavily through his nostrils, but this action actually makes him dizzy, so he half-snorts-half-sputters on his second attempt. 

He chuckles again; “I want to hear more about the people who told you you’re good with your tongue.” 

“Multiple people, man.”

“I would like to hear names.” 

“Just trust me on this.” 

No , I really want to know.” 

“Listen, listen, listen — you and me, it’s happening, dude. It’s happening. I can feel it. We are right for each other.” 

It’s true. Wei Wuxian can feel it in his bones.

“It kind of feels like you’re trying to divert the subject at hand.” 

“What is the subject, I’m all ears, dude. Talk to me — I’m, like, listening, you talk, I listen.”

“Who are the people who told you that you’re good with your tongue?” 

People , dude. I know I am. But I’ve been told. Oh my god — the person who told me— wow, wow, wow, wow, you’re not going to — this is amazing, dude, I just — the person who told me? He looked, like, just like you? I’m getting an image in my head, and, like — he could be your twin brother or something!”

“My brother, Xichen?” He leans closer, creases showing on his forehead.

“And he had a phenomenal dick—” Wei Wuxian remembers now. “That thing was huge! It could hide the sun if it were a celestial body! It was like godzilla of dicks! Dickzilla!” 

He leans back at his armchair, crease lines on his forehead gone. “ Unbelievable .” Is all he says, drawing his book opened. 

Wei Wuxian feels upset by this. 

Why the hell is he so transfixed on the book, when he got a perfectly healthy specimen offering himself up to him on a silver platter. He plops a heavy hand on the book, until it falls over. 

“Listen here, you aristocratic little schmuck—” He tells him things the way they are; “We are either having sex, or, like, we’re not, and we’re having sex because I said so, so that’s that. Now take off your pants.”  

He seems amused with that; “Using such big words while you’re doped up…? Are you sure you’re not pretending, Wei Ying?” 

“I’m fine. I’m done — with being high, I’m fine. I can have sex now. Just watch me in action. I’m, like, really good.” He reaches for his trousers. 

“Is that also what multiple people told you? Hey — no.” He puts his hands on Wei Wuxian’s when he tries to pull at his pants. But even that simple action is extremely taxing. His muscles scream at him to stop.  “It’s fine. I believe you. I was just teasing.” He sighs, and puts his hand through Wei Wuxian’s bangs, drawing his hair off of his face. 

Ah, his hand is magical. Wei Wuxian’s eyes flutter closed. His touch sends a tremor through his body. 

“Go to sleep, love.” He tells him, and yeah, yeah, he can do that. 

When he wakes up next, he feels much more clear-headed. 

Well, not really.

He still doesn’t feel like moving too much. 

The hot nurse is still there, though, so life’s pretty great so far. 

They’ve established he’s in a hospital, which is also cool.

They also established that he’s not 24, which isn’t cool. 

“So, like — dude, what’s your name, dude?” 

“Still?” He asks when he looks up from his book, dragging his chair a little closer to his bed. 

“I don’t want you to go without knowing your name, tell me your name, sexyhotperson.” 

“What if that’s actually my name? Maybe you got it right?” 

“Is it?” 

“No.” 

“Then tell me your name… I have to, like, imagine how it would sound like if it were my name? Like if we’d marry? Like, I have to know — which one would sound better, because you might have to take my last name? And like, what if we have a kid? Are we too old to have a kid? I was never 36 years before, this is like — concerning. There should be a manual, for, like, how to live at this age, because I feel like I’m failing this.” 

“No, you’re doing great. Don’t worry.” He finds his hand, and Wei Wuxian creases it. It’s a good hand. It’s big. He looks down when he feels the smooth metal on his finger. 

It’s a silver ring, with a golden band in the middle. On his ring finger.  

“Dude,” He says, breathless; “Dude — are you married?” 

“Yeah,” He answers. 

No .” 

“Ah-xian,” 

“-- No, this is not fair! We just met!” He hits the mattress with his free hand. “You have to get a divorce! So we can be together!”

“Wei Ying.” 

“When were you going to tell me? I’m — okay, I’m done with this, I’m going home, this is too much—” He’s about to pull at the wire that connected to his wrist, when the hot nurse grabs onto his hand.

“Wei Ying…! Look!” He shows the back of Wei Wuxian’s hand to him. He also has a ring on his ring finger — but his is golden, with a silver band in the middle. 

Wei Wuxian moves his fingers a few times, to make sure it’s his hand. 

It seems like it is, but it feels freaky. Like, is he moving his hand right now? 

It makes him feel drowsy.

He looks up and the hot nurse is looking at him expectedly, as if he’s waiting for something.

“Dude, your eyes are pretty.” He tells him. 

He sighs, and caresses his head a few times. 

Wei Wuxian is determined not to let it get to him and to stay awake, but everything just sort of fades away with his touch. 

When he wakes up next, there's a teenager in the room. 

“...If I knew he’d act so weird about it, I’d just ask Uncle Xichen to take me. He drove around the hospital like seven times and wouldn’t let me out. Jin Ling started giving him shit for it —” 

Language .”  Hot nurse warns, and the teen that he’s talking to scrunches his nose. 

“Then he started going off how dad ‘better wake up, or else’ and how if dad’s ‘stupid surgery won’t end him, he’d end him himself’.” The teen is clearly wired about what happened.

Wei Wuxian vaguely remembers him too.

 Actually, not really vaguely. 

He remembers changing his diapers.  

And crying hard when he disappeared into the school building, on the first day of first grade. His tiny little baby — going to school. Being a big boy. Excited about studying and meeting new friends. Not even looking back at daddy one last time. Daddy, who changed his diapers and stayed up to check on his fever. 

“Anyway, so Jin Ling opens the car door and tells me to get out while he’s talking, so I do — and I ran all the way here.”

Hot nurse dude doesn’t look very surprised by this; “Xichen could’ve drove you.”

“Yes — but; Jin Ling’s uncle came to take him home, so he said he’d take me while he’s at it.” He’s rubbing his head. 

“So you were alone. With Jin Ling. In our apartment. While nobody was there. Until his Uncle came to take him. ”

“Dad, I’m already 14!” Sizhui scrunches his nose. “We weren’t doing anything! I was just showing him the bunnies. He really likes animals. He has a dog, you know?” 

“Right.” Comes the dry reply. 

Sizhui makes a small noise at the back of his nose as if he’s exasperated; “You said I should go feed the bunnies, so I went to feed the bunnies!” 

“Yes, but nowhere in that sentence did I tell you to invite your boyfriend to — feed the bunnies with you. This action can — quite clearly — be done by one person.” 

“Dad, he’s not my boyfriend…!” Sizhui is rubbing his face in frustration, face red. “Can’t I have friends?”

“You can have friends. Jinyi is your friend.”

“Yes, but that’s only one friend. Jin Ling can… also be friend.” 

“If Jin Ling was a friend, you’d introduce him to your parents officially, instead of sneaking him into the apartment every time we’re not there. To feed the bunnies .”

“Fine! And stop — using that phrase like it means something dirty! We weren’t doing anything!” 

“Last time he escaped through the fire-exit of your window when I opened the door.” 

“That’s because you don’t knock, dad — and — like, he’s also scared of you, because uncle told him not to hang out with me and we’re—” He understands how it all sounds like so he just takes a long inhale; “Okay, whatever, fine, I’ll introduce him. Just please — Please be nice, for once. And tell dad not to bring out the naked baby photos. Or try to cook because it’s a special occasion . Or just — just both of you sit on the couch and be cool. Okay?” 

“I’ll see what I can do about the naked baby photos.” His husband throws him a bone. 

Wei Wuxian smiles because he’s enjoying this exchange; “We can be cool.” He says, eyes half-opened. 

This doesn’t go unnoticed, though; “Oh — hey… dad? Are you awake already?” Sizhui leans closer. 

“He’s been in-and-out of it the last two hours.” His husband explains. “He’s high as a kite every time he wakes up, though.”

Sizhui laughs. “Didn’t they say that he shouldn’t be awake until they lower the dosage?” 

“Yes, well. It’s your dad . He decided to wake up earlier.”

“A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.” Wei Wuxian tells them. 

“This can’t be good,” Sizhui says; “He’s quoting Lord of the Rings.”

He knows he has a stupid smile on his face, but he seems to have forgotten how to stop smiling. Things are less heavy now, but more — fuzzy and warm. And he’s surrounded by his two most favorite people in the world. 

Lan Wangji sits down beside him on the bed, and studies his face; “Wei Ying?”

“I’m fine, I’m, like — sober and stuff. Like, I’m cool. I’m a super cool dad, Sizhui.” 

“You just used ‘like’ twice.” Lan Wangji notes. 

“Yes. This is who I am now.” He turns to look at him, and raises his hand up to touch his cheek; though this time it’s his ring finger. Lan Wangji searches in his eyes again, as if he wants to find something in him, and mirrors his action by cupping Wei Wuxian’s cheek; “Hey,” He greets him, as if they weren’t just talking. “Remember me, now?”

“Yes.” Wei Wuxian says, a little breathless.

Lan Wangji snorts and leans down to give him a soft kiss on the lips. 

Sizhui bristles somewhere from the left of them, the sight of his parents making out probably embarrassing. He’s having his angst-y puberty period, which is super annoying, since he’s usually so well-behaved. 

“You’re dickzilla.” Wei Wuxian answers, proudly. 

Sizhui makes another displeased noise. 

“And your husband, who as far as I recall is your first. And only. Unless you want to tell me about the multiple people — which you mentioned.”

“I don’t recall that part of my drug-induced delirium.” Wei Wuxian does indeed remember it, but he enjoys the frown on his husband’s face.