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To play in harmony

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The gig was something special. They all played in harmony. The message of the song was crystal clear. This was the song of the underdogs. Even if the singer was not as much as an underdog as his other band members, that was Brienne's fleeting thought as she beat the drums to submission. She as a ugly and extremely tall woman playing sports and music genres that was male dominated had always had to fight to exist. Sandor the base player had an large scar in his face and looked as he always was in a bad mood. Tiny Arya the guitarist that had always felt like she wasn't as beautiful as her sister and she revolted against everything.
Then having Jaime Lannister the golden star, the most handsome man in she knew singing about fighting to belong could feel dishonest. But his voice and emotion was perfect.
Without him they would not be playing at this venue. It was his brother Tyrion that had hooked them up but it was his voice that separated them from the other bands.
Jaime was so enchanting, Brienne couldn't stop taking glances of him in front of the scene. He was so beautiful it hurt her. Feeling like she was the troll living in the bottom of a well and he was the prince in the sun. His personality was not matching a storybook prince. But he was charming and nice enough for her to fall for him. She tried to beat that though out of her. But the feelings she had for him was too strong. She only hoped that he would never find out.

The show went excellent. The crowd screamed for an encore. They delivered. Brienne was drenched in sweat as they exit the scene. Her band members was wet as well, but they didn't get red spots in their face, Brienne felt as an boiled lobster.
She thankfully took the towel a assistant offered her.
Jaime the second they were inside the green room demanded a group hug. It was tradition for him. And the others grumpy agreed to humour him. Brienne secretly liked the sweaty hug. This was almost all the human touch she got. Sad but true. It could be weeks in between a single touch. Even if she missed human contact she would never be the one taking the first step. She had been hurt to many times as a child when she had tried. The women her father had brought home, the once she would hope to be friends or maybe hoped that they could be her new mom. Classmates that had shunned her, boys with their hurtful words. Most people didn't want her to be near them it seems.
So forgive her for enjoying the arms of her few friends around her for a little while. Sandor that laid his big arm around her and Arya. Arya that complained every time that group hugs with the band is was like hugging giants. It made Jaime and Sandor laugh and hugg her a bit harder. Brienne and Sandor was always the ones ending the hug first.
"we were fucking great" Jaime was drunk on the energy from the show. It was endearing. Like child high on sugar.
He swinged Arya in the air as she was a child. "you played as a god, little wolf!"
"let me down!" Arya laughed.
"Sandor!"
"Fuck no, Lannister!" Sandor complained as Jaime hugged him again. "you're the best, big man"
Sandor looked tired at Brienne, she smiled and shrugged her shoulders.
"Wench!" it was her turn. Like an octopus he hugged her. "my rock. Always guiding us right" His head in the crock of her neck.
"You were great, Jaime. Your best performance yet."Jaime hugged closer. Jaime loved getting praise. That was something that he needed. So Brienne would gladly give it.
The duty of the ugly, best friend.
"Come on Star, we need to refresh so we can eat. I'm starving." But he didn't let go. He just hugged her closer.
Brienne looked to Arya and Sandor. Telling them with her eyes that they could go ahead and shower, this would take a while. Sometimes Jaime got like this. Brienne felt like he was grounding himself by hugging her.
She put her cheek on his hair and stroke his back.
"you are born to be on stage, Jaime. Your voice is hypnotic. It carries even over my drums."
Jaime was almost purring and he was snuggled close. Brienne called this Jaimes post good gig drop. She wished that it meant something. That it was her that he needed. But after the first gig they made Jaime had tried to snuggle up to Sandor. Sandor fled and Jaimes drop had been terrible. So it became her role after big gigs to keep Jaimes drop smooth. She was his security blanket and it was torture. It was so easy believing that he needed her, that she meant something more to him, that one of these times he would see that she was good for him. She couldn't even dream that he would fall in love with her. That would not happen. She had seen his girlfriend. She was as beautiful as him. But icy cold as he was warm.
Brienne didn't have a chance.
As she heard that Sandor was coming back, she looked at Jaimes face, he was ready to let go.
"Thank you"
"Always, Jaime"
Jaime gave her a quick hug and let her go and went to the shower.
Sandor pat her shoulder as she passed him. Sometimes she was afraid that Sandor knew of her one sided crush. Hopefully he didn't.
They, Sandor and she had dated for a week, when she had been in her late teens. Neither had felt a spark.
Brienne had wished that they could have grown to love each other romantically in this 7 years. It would have been easier and so much less painful. They would had been a good couple. But she was happy being his friend. He was a grumpy but loyal friend. He would be the first to call you out for your bullshit. But would always have your back.

Brienne enjoyed feeling of the water on her skin. She started hum a song. It was an really old song, hundreds of years old. Jenny of Oldstone was one of her favorites and it matched her mood. It was so unlike the rock her band played but it suits her voice. Not that she would ever let anyone hear her, she belongs to the shadows. She had an voice coach as a teenager. That coach was the one that crushed her dreams of singing in public. The nicest thing she had ever said to Brienne was that even if she would have a nice singing voice no one wants to listen to someone as ugly like Brienne. Brienne had tolerated paying to be bullied for one month, then she started drumming lessons. She loved Godwin who was an excellent teacher, and she fell in love with playing the drums. But she never sang in public again.
She finished showering and got dressed for the celebration at the local pub. She didn't put on any makeup, she never did.
Just a clean, blue oversized t-shirt and leggings and she was ready to go.
Jaime was the last to join them.
It was not their regular pub the had chosen one close to the venue. Sandor got them a table. He had embraced his hard look. People got easily afraid of him and he did use it for his advantage.
Brienne wonder if it was sad that she envy Sandor some times. He got instant respect. She only got it if people really tried to get to know her. Men often wanted to ridicule her even if they had never even meet her before. It was like her looks was making them feel less masculine or something.
Jaime had been the same at the beginning. Questioned if she really was an woman. He had asked for forgiveness a couple of months after that, when they had become friends.
Now he and Sandor her bodyguards if anyone was rude to her and if they heard, they came swooping in scaring people away from her.
She was glad that they cared. But it didn't make it less hurtful to always be reminded that she was ugly and unwanted. That strangers took their time to attack her on sight.
Brienne saw that Jaime was scrolling social media and she overlooked a picture of Cersei, Jaimes girlfriend. Blond, powerful and beautiful. She was out with a couple of men. Beautiful and all over her and Cersei smile was sensual.
Brienne looked up to Sandor.
Her eyes by a series of eye movements told him:
Can you take Jaime tonight? We will get a Cersei meltdown tonight.
But his eyes answer:
Sorry girl. I promised to take Arya home. Pretty boy will be your responsibility.
She sighed and saw how Jaime got more drunk as his texts to Cersei remained unseen during the night.
Brienne drank one cider. She couldn't be drunk as well if she needed to take care of Jaime.
It was a nice night even if she couldn't relax completely.
At the end of the night Sandor rode Arya home on his bike. Brienne had to take Jaime home to her flat in a taxi.
Jaime was this night an affectionate, needy but almost a sad drunk.
He didn't stop touching her. It was innocent, nothing improper, but she felt that she was blushing. It was stupid but she couldn't help it.
"you're my best friend, wench. Am I yours?"
"yes, Jaime."
"Not Sandor? Please tell me I am your favorite friend!" He was hugging her arm.
"You are my favorite, Jaime." she was afraid to joke when he was like this. One wrong word and he would burst into tears complaining about Cersei the whole night.
"I knew it." he laid his head on her shoulder. "I am much prettier than him"
"yes, you are the prettiest, Jaime. But that's not why you're my best friend."
"why,then?"
"you're kind, funny and smart. And the best musician I know."
"thank you, I need to hear it"
It was sad that Jaime was so insecure. Brienne had a terrible feeling that he had been neglected by his father as a child. And his relation with Cersei was not good for him. He was someone that needed love and conformation almost daily. Sadly she didn't believe that Cersei gave him that.
She allowed herself to drag her fingers through his hair.
His sigh of pure happiness was killing her. So she continued patting his hair until the cab ride was done. Letting them have this moment. Let herself be selfish for a moment.
Jaime started to be sleepy when she opened the door to her flat. She helped him to bed. She let as always him sleep in her bed. She would take the sofa.
This night before she left him outside her bedroom she petted his head and said softly.
"you deserve to be with someone that makes you happy and loves you like you love them"
She didn't stay long enough to him to answer her. It was just something that she felt like he needed to hear.
He fell asleep soon after that.
Brienne stood on her balcony. Cursing herself for always falling for men that would never love her back. Did she choose them because it was safer or did she just want to torture herself? She would never know.
She went to try to sleep on her sofa.

Brienne awoke next morning earlier than she wanted. But she got up and started to make breakfast after her trip to the bathroom.
When she was almost done she noticed that she was singing softly. She stopped immediately. Jaime, she had forgotten for a moment that she was not alone.
Jaime got up soon after and they ate in silence.
Brienne wanted to ask about Cersei but she didn't.
"Thank you for letting me stay here tonight."
"You are always welcome, Jaime."
"I don't want to go home." Jaime took her hand. "Cersei is cheating on me. She has for a long time. I haven't wanted to see the signs"
Brienne took his hand between hers
"I am sorry, you don't deserve that"
He had an sad smile on his face.
"I don't know what to do"
"do you want to leave her?"
He nodded.
"do you want me to help you get your stuff back?"
He nodded again.
"we should get Sandor too. He has a great car to move stuff and he can take all the heavy lifting"
Jaime laughed. Before he stopped.
"where should I go?"
"You can stay here or maybe Sandor can take you in until you get your own space. We'll help you Jaime"
"I am so glad Arya made me join the band. You guys are my rock. I would fall without you." Arya had heard Jaime singing once in a small pub. Then she had asked him to join them. She had left tapes and given him a song Brienne had written. He had come by one practice. Almost made both Sandor and Brienne hate him with his comments. But his voice had made them give him a chance. Within a month he had changed and became their friend.

Sandor joined them to move him out of Cersei's flat. But that also ment that they had to witness Jaime breaking up with Cersei. The break up wasn't pretty. In the end Brienne had to move in between to protect Jaime from getting slapped in the face.
Cersei exploded then, taking out all her anger at Brienne. She started to scream and hit at Brienne.
Brienne used her long arms to turn Cersei around and lifted her, holding her still.
"I will hold you until you will calm down and behave yourself!"
"you fucking Bitch! Don't you know who I am!"
Brienne turned to Jaime.
"you can return to packing, Jaime. I will take care of this" as Cersei continues to rage.
"Bri…" she was touched that he didn't want to leave her.
"I will be her backup, get your stuff" Sandor stood with his arms crossed.
Jaime went with an concern look. Brienne was glad that he didn't have to witness what Cersei said next.
"you fucking cow! Release me!"
"I will when you calm down"
"Do you think that he will ever want you?! You will never be loved and especially not by Jaime! You're just an ugly pathetic girl. Desperately hoping for some scrap of attention from men that will never look at you"
She had to stop Sandor who looked as he wanted to strangle Jaimes ex girlfriend. Brienne shook her head.
Cersei wasn't wrong. It hurt and it was embarrassing that Sandor heard it. But it was the truth, Brienne knew that.
Brienne just softly said.
"Get it out of your system, I will release you when you're calm again"
Twenty minutes of constant verbal abuse was draining. But Brienne didn't let it show, at least she hoped it didn't show.
Then suddenly Cersei relaxed and started to cry. "He's mine… He has always been mine."
"yes, but he wasn't your only one. You knew that he only wanted that."
Brienne felt weird hugging Cersei but she couldn't stop herself. Maybe it was an apology for holding her so long.
"You'll be alright. You are beautiful and can have anyone else you like. It is just time to let Jaime go."
Cersei took a step back. Locking eyes with Brienne.
"You do love him"
Fuck.
"Jaime is my best friend."
"How sad it must to be you. Doomed to want them who will never want you." Cersei walked away into the bathroom leaving them in her bedroom.
Brienne was surprised when Sandor turned her around and hugged her.
"Please, don't take her words to heart." Sandors voice was soft. He was never soft.
Brienne couldn't say anything. She was afraid that she would break down crying. Because the words already were in her soul, they had been there for years.
She hugged him closer and released him.
Then they went to find Jaime. Who was bringing out boxes to the front of the door. Brienne went to start loading up the truck. But suddenly she was sandwiched between the two men in a great group hug.
"I am alright. Can we just continue, I want to get out of here."
Brienne was glad that she had her car for herself when driving home. She felt raw. Almost nothing Cersei said was new. But having her feelings out on display scared her. Did everyone know? Did Jamie?
She could keep her dignity if she could pretend that no one else saw her carry the burden of one sided love.
Now Jamie, the object of her affection, would live in her office. She really did like to torture herself.
The entire move she felt on edge. Afraid that Sandor would try to say something about Cersei's words.
When they were done Brienne ordered some pizza for dinner.
"I am sorry that Cersei lashed out on you."
"it's okay, Jaime I can take it. She was just angry."
"no it's not. She shouldn't say that stuff."
Brienne sighed and look at Sandor.
Did you tell him?
Sandor shrugged. That didn't tell her anything.
"Jaime I have heard all she said before and I will hear it again. It was just more concentrated than usual. So don't worry about it. I am used to it."
"that's not fucking okay! You're the nicest person I know. Why the hell is all the idiots picking on you, still. We're not in fucking high school anymore!"
Brienne smile was sad. She took both Sandor and Jaime's hand in hers.
"I don't know why people feel like they have to attack me. But I can handle it. It hurts, but I am strong enough."
"Bri…"
"Leave it, Jaime, you too Sandor. I don't want to think about it anymore"

The evening went peaceful. The next day Jaime brought a bed so Brienne got her bedroom back.
Time passed.
Brienne was scared how much she found herself singing when she did tasks around the house. Humming tunes when she was content. In the shower, cooking, cleaning and everything else that set her off. She always stopped when she realised what she was doing. She wondered how much she was hurting Jaime's delicate ears with her voice.
Jaime had lived with her for a few months. He was a good roommate. Paid his rent on time, did his chores, cooked and made her laugh. They had the same routines, woke up ate breakfast together, work, band practice, home or the pub. She had so much more money to spend and save.
To bad that her heart couldn't stop hoping. It couldn't see the truth. They were friends and flatmates, nothing more.
She almost hoped that he would start dating soon so she could mourn and move on.

They, the whole band were at the Pub. They were joined by Jaimes brother Tyrion and his two friends Podrick and Bronn. Sansa, Rob and Jon that was Arya's siblings they were laughing and having a good time.
"Let's play a game!" Tyrion proclaimed. One of us will say a statement about one of the others. Bronn say something about me!"
"You love wine"
"and then I have to drink because he was right. If it was wrong he would have drink instead. Any questions?"
The game started of fine.
Brienne laughed with the others.
Then it was Jaime's turn.
"Brienne, you love to sing but don't want anyone to hear you"
Brienne drank.
"now I want to know more! Why dear?" Tyrion
"I have paid hundreds of dragons for be told that no one will ever want to hear me sing. Who am I to argue with pros."
"That's fucked up!" Arya shouted.
"that's not true!" Jaime was fuming "I heard you sing every day and I am always sad when you suddenly stop whenever you realise that you are singing. Your voice isn't bad. Who was that fucking arse that told you that, I will ruin them!"
"Jaime… It doesn't matter."
"yes, it does!"
"I am happy playing the drums. Can we continue with the game now?... Sansa your favorite baked goods are lemon cakes." She said just to make them move on.
The game started to turn to sexual questions. Brienne knew that she should have left. But she didn't go away, she was having too much fun.
"Brienne your first time was in your childhood bedroom." Tyrion stated.
"Drink."
The game turned to trying to find out Brienne's first time.
Then she saw the terrible light in Tyrion's eyes when he connected the dots.
"you have never been with another person."
Brienne drank.
"Have you been kissed?" Sansa asked.
Brienne drank. "a few times. Can we change subject?"
She saw around the table. No, they were not ready.
"I will go to the bathroom. You will get this out of you systems before I return. I will not talk about this anymore."
She walked away.
Her virginity was not anything she was embarrassed about. But she didn't want to see the pity in people's eyes. The only truth on display: she was too ugly to anyone wanting to fuck her.
She went to the bathroom and then ordered some sparkling water. No more alcohol for her.
They didn't seem to stop the fucking game. But they leave her be.
But then the only person she didn't thought to stab her in the back did just that.
"Brienne, you believe every insult you have received." Not Sandor.
She took his pint of ale and she drank it all as she angry looked him in the eye. Slammed the glass on the table and said.
"if you excuse me, I will go home. Thank you for a nice evening."
Jaime rushed to stand up.
"Stay." she pushed him into the chair again. "spend some time with your brother. I see you later."
She left with a last hurt look on Sandor.
He was the one that she would have thought would be on her side. But he maybe didn't understand how it was never be left alone long enough to heal?
She was hurt, angry and a bit sad as she started to walk home.
So when she heard the sound of a woman in distress she didn't think, she just walked into the alley where the sound came from.
They were 5 men ripping clothes of an young woman. Brienne snapped, collecting every ounce of years of suppressed anger and released it, fueling her attack.
She had knocked out two of the men before any of them knew that she was even there.
The fight was brutal.
Luckily no one had any weapons on them or else it might have ended differently. Brienne won, but not without wounds of her own. Her nose was broken, she was bruised but she was standing. Cornering the single man that wasn't unconscious.
She called the police. The woman was pressed to her side. Sobbing but safe.

It took the whole night to get everything sorted.
She had sent a text to Jaime. "Saved a girl. Is at the police station, don't wait up." then she turned of her phone. Giving her full attention to the police.
There was an surveillance camera in the alley so Brienne got to see the fight. It was weird seeing herself like an action hero. She didn't remember even a fraction of the moves and punches she had done or gotten. If the band ever fall apart she might have a career in thai boxing or martial art. She looked like she knew what she was doing.

The men was all arrested. This wasn't the first time that they had done this to other girls and women.
The girl, Pia, followed her to the ER afterwards so Brienne's injuries would be recorded and treated. Pia wanted to stay with Brienne afterwards. Brienne was too tired to argue. So when the sun started to rise Brienne showed Pia through the door to her home.
Jaime flew up from the sofa, where he seemed to have slept on. And he was in her face in an instant. Cataloging her wounds.
"I am okay, Jaime. You should have seen the other guys."
"Guys? How many was it?"
"Five…" Before Jaime could explode and he was setting of big time she pointed at their guest.
"Jaime, this is Pia. We are really sleepy. I will tell you everything later. Come Pia I will show you the bathroom."
Brienne had to stay with Pia even in the bathroom. So what followed was the weirdest morning Brienne had ever had. First of all Pia had joined her in the shower. Washing each others backs.
She understood that Pia needed to repay Brienne in some way so Brienne tried to be comfortable with the close contact with a stranger.
But it was not easy sleeping with a stranger hugging her like a stuffed animal.
Overall it was a odd beginning of a friendship.

Pia became a regular friend of the band. Following Brienne around with hero worship in her eyes, that Brienne didn't know how to handle. But she was glad that Pia had started therapy.

It had taken three weeks for Brienne's face to return to normal again.

One day when she came home from work all her friends were gathering around her tv.
"Great, sit down!" Tyrion and Pia ushered her to sit down between Pia and Jaime.
"And silence!"
Then he put on the video. Brienne took Pias hand to make sure she was alright.
It was the video from the alley.
They saw how the men dragged Pia in there. Brienne's blood boiled. She could remember the smells and sounds. It was a small comfort that it Pia wasn't in full view. You could see that she was being ripped off her clothes. But someone had shaded the video so her privacy was protected.
Then Brienne came into the picture like a knight on a white horse. She watched herself fighting with force and murder in her eyes. How she punched, kicked and headbutted like she was possessed. She was still impressed by herself. But she saw how Pia in the video looked at her like she was a supernatural being coming to her rescue. The video ended when the cops arrived.
"Remind me that never get in a fight with you." Sandor said stroking her head. Bronn nodded.
"to Brienne a knight of the seven kingdoms!" Tyrion shouted.
She started to laugh.
Pia kissed her cheek.
"my hero!"
Brienne really hoped that Pia didn't had developed a crush at her. Sadly, Brienne was straight. It would have been easier if she wasn't, she had have offers from a couple of ladies. She had even kissed one of them. But sadly no, it wasn't for her.

Jaime was acting weird. He was looking at her, hugging a pillow hard in his lap. Maybe he was angry? Jaime was a sort of person that could become angry if he were worried.
She patted his hand and got of the sofa.
"So that was happened. I need to get ready for practice. Arya how's the new song coming along?"
"it's coming." Brienne changed clothes and when Brienne returned from her bedroom, she was glad when she saw Pia standing close to Jaimes friend from work, Josmyn Peckeldon, that liked to be called Peck. Pia had a small happy blush on her face. Even better that Peck had the same kind of smile. Brienne though that they could make a great couple one day.
She heard that Bronn was helping Tyrion and Arya posting the video on the bands homepage. The title was "drums are not the only thing our drummer can beat". It was Aryas idea. Brienne didn't know what she thought of posting that video. If she was lucky it might scare one man from verbally attacking her.
She shouted:
"alright, everyone out. I want to make load music."

Practice was not great.
Jaime was mentally somewhere else and that threw everyone else out of sync.
Suddenly Sandor stopped playing.
"Brienne, Arya and I will go and eat a burger. You need to find out what's going on with pretty boy here." he slapped Jamie on the back and got Arya out of the studio.
Brienne got out from the drums set and walked up to him.
"talk to me"
Jaime couldn't stay still and he couldn't look at her.
"you're angry after the video" she tried.
"I… I don't know. I know that you're alright now but everytime any of the bastards hit you I felt sick! But at the same time every move you made was fucking magical. Don't take me wrong, I like Pia and I am glad that you saved her. But I hate that you got hurt! I keep wondering if I could have followed you after you left. If I could have kept you in the pub."
"No. Nothing you or anyone else would have done had kept me from going home that night."
"you got angry at Tyrion's game"
"off course! I don't like to have to emit my every secret, flaw and feeling, Jaime. I am only as strong as my inner wall and it was being undermined!"
He took her hands.
"I am sad that it had to take Tyrion's silly game for you to open up just a tiny bit. I felt like I was seeing new sides of you."
"that I am tone deaf, virgin that knows what's true or not? For fucks sake we're supposed to be talking about you and your mood!"
Brienne took a step back.
Jaime didn't let her, he took her hand.
"No, I will fucking hear you sing for real. I don't believe your stupid vocal coach for one bit. Come, I will sing with you!"
"Jaime…"
"don't you trust me?"
"I trust you, Jaime. But I don't trust myself."
He dragged her to the microphone.
She stood in silence. Not a song came to her head.
Jaime took his guitar and started play one of their old songs. Brienne had written the lyrics it was the same song Jaime had sang that had made them keep him.
She started to sing. Casting away every thought.
"I am the one in the shadows. I am the one banished from light. I am the one on the outside trying to get in." Jaime started to slow down the rhythm, she followed. She had written about how she felt like an outsider. But she had turned the narrators into a monster so maybe the band wouldn't know that it was about her.
She didn't have the courage to look at Jaime as she sang.
She closed her eyes. Let herself get lost in her own words for once. This would be her only performance.
The hurt she had written of, bleed into her voice. She thought it sounded haunting but she had been wrong before.
"I will always be in the dark looking for the light" As she sang the last word she opened her eyes and saw Arya and Sandor at the door. They had not even closed it!
"I will fucking kill that bitch!" Arya shouted. "she have robb us! It was amazing, Bri!"
Sandor didn't say anything but was frozen in place.
Brienne took courage and looked at Jaime. He was almost crying as he hugged her.
"I'm so proud of you! I knew that you could sing."
Brienne didn't know were to turn or what to say.
She couldn't sing. That was known! Why…
"Tarth, why are you such a arse magnet? You must have gone to the biggest hack in the music industry! Must have been deaf." Sandor came and kissed the crown of her head.
"You and pretty boy should do a duet."
Brienne looked sceptical to Arya.
"I mean it! It would be great. I will write it to prove it!"
The practice went more smoothly, even if Brienne was in a weird place. She could be allowed to sing. Maybe not at the front of the stage.That wasn't for her. But behind the safety of her drums she might dare.
Even with her erratic thoughts she could concentrate on the beat.
It was hard not to look at Jaime. Her heart called out for him.
All she wants is that he could be truly happy. So she vowed that the day he found someone to love she would be happy for him. It would hurt, but she would support him. As a good friend should. But the hidden part of her screamed: I wished that he could be happy with me!
Today was a sort of day it was so easy to fool herself that Jaime could one day fall in love with her.
It was exhausting for Brienne to always fight with yourself.
When was the last time she ever had relaxed? When she was a child? When her brother Galladon was alive?
Maybe she should go away, to a cabin in the woods or by the sea. To leave her bruised heart at home, and spend time with herself. Maybe even order a massage. Wouldn't it be something?
A silly dream. They had a gig next week and if ever Jamie would found out that she planned a trip, he would find a way to come along too. And that would just made it worse. Then her heart would imagine that it was a romantic getaway.

One day when she came home from work, a woman's coat hanged in the hall. The voice from the kitchen made her cold. Cersei. Brienne didn't want that bitch here in her own home. Looking and judging her for her belongings.
If Jaime had gone back to Cersei, Brienne would never forgive him. She couldn't accept that he would be with someone that makes him unhappy.
She took her bag of groceries in to the kitchen. Jaime was standing behind a chair, his hands holding onto it hard. Cersei had that smile that Brienne hate. The smile that said that she knew that she would get whatever she wanted.
"Hi Jaime. I got some fresh burger meat. Oh, I didn't know you were here, Cersei. How do you do?"
Brienne started to unload her purchases.
Jaime smile grew as Cersei smile died.
"Welcome home. I have done the laundry."
"Thank you"
Cersei look with hate at them.
"Aren't you domestic? Playing make believe, you could almost believe that you are a couple "
Brienne came to stand with Jaime. Wanting to give him moral support.
But Cersei looked Brienne hard in the eye before she looked sweetly at Jaime.
"Do you know that she is pining for you? That the ugly beast is dreaming of you? That she loves you" Cersei spat out the words.
Brienne felt how her stomach dropped. This was a nightmare.
Jaime took her hand.
"Cersei, you need to leave. You are not welcome here. I am never going back to you. I am happy right here."
Brienne was surprised that Cersei just left. Without anymore backlash.
But Brienne was terrified.
He knew.
Cersei had run a bulldozer through Brienne's wall and dragged her most precious secret and threw it in the dirt. Exposing it, and mark it as something unsanitary.
Brienne was trapped.
In an last effort to keep her dignity she asked:
"Are you okay, Jaime?"
"Yes, I am great now. Thank you… And you?"
"I have been better." She sighed and took a step back. Giving Jaime some space before she started talking. "She's right, you know. I do love you. It's okay that you don't feel the same." she couldn't look at him. She both felt sick and relieved. It was best that he knew the truth. But it was the worst thing she had ever have to do. "If you are not comfortable living here anymore, I will help you move. I just hope that you will still be my friend." she felt tears in her eyes.
"Hey, Bri. Please look at me."
She couldn't, not before she felt his hands on her face. He was as beautiful as ever. His eyes searching her face.
"Brienne, I… am not going to move."
Dread filled her
"Did you already know? Did you know that I… " she couldn't bring herself to say it again.
"No, I hoped."
Brienne almost flinched.
"please, don't give me any hope if you don't feel the same. It better if you reject me clearly."
Jaime looked shocked, angry and worried at the same time.
Then he kissed her.
He got up on his toes to kiss her. Pulling her closer, pressed her against the kitchen counter.
When he pulled away he looked her in the eye.
" I am not rejecting you. I have tried to find the courage to confess to you the whole of last month."
"What?" nothing he said makes sense to Brienne.
"I didn't know at first what I was feeling. But first I never wanted to end our hugs. You made me feel safe and I didn't know that was something I missed. Then you saved me from Cersei, it was terrible hearing the things she said to you. And it broke my heart when Sandor said that he was afraid that you believed every word she said. It felt so wrong that the most amazing woman I knew, my knight in shining armor letting terrible words live within you." He kissed her cheek. She hardly remember how to breath. Jaime liked her.
"Then we started to live together and these has been the best months in my live. I love how effortless we work together, I love our routines, I love making your tea in the morning because I love your small smile when you thank me. It is what makes my mornings great. Hearing you sing makes my heart soar every time. Then the night of Tyrion's stupid game. When you laughed I was so happy. But when you were to confess the things you keep hidden I wanted to take you home, to keep you safe. I hated that you felt betrayed, and I want to find and ruin the bitch who wanted to kill your songs. And it is embarrassing, but I was happy to hear that you haven't been with anyone else and the only thing I could think of was that I want to be your first. If you hadn't walked away I don't know if I had been able to resist touching you. I feel like asshole when I got jealous on Pia."
"Pia… why?"
"She was everywhere with you. She slept in your bed and even showered with you! I wanted so bad be able to be by your side like she was. I wanted you back. And when I saw the video I was so confused. I was angry at the fucking idiot rapists, seeing anyone hurt you… I wanted to kill them. But you… Every move you did, was magic. Combined with you so close to me, your smell. It made me… aroused. If not everyone was there I would have tried to make a move then. When then you finally sang. Then I knew that I love you and I want to be by your side every day for the rest of our lives."
Brienne was crying. Her hands laid on his chest.
"I am fucking furious that my bitch ex is the reason we are having this conversation! I wanted it to be romantic. I wanted to sweep you off your feet. I wanted to give you everything you deserve."
Brienne couldn't take it anymore. She kissed him. It was addictive. Hearing his moans and feeling his lips and tongue against hers.
It was hard to stop. But she wasn't sure if she should go any farther.
Jaime seemed to understand that. They ate dinner, but couldn't stop smiling at each other.
He was holding her hand as they watched one of their series on the sofa. It was hard to concentrate when he started to kiss her hand. Then he moved on to her neck.
"Jaime…"
"I know, I will not do anything you don't want me to. But may I continue kiss you?"
"Yes, please"
Jaime kissed her on the lips before he kissed her cheek, moving slowly behind her ear and down her neck.
"you don't know how long I have dreamt of doing this." he licked up the side of her neck once before he continued kissing her.
Brienne felt how she was getting aroused. It was hard to breathe properly.
The episode ended. Brienne ended the app and turned off the tv before she turned to she kiss Jaime. He pulled her up on his lap. As the kiss grow, Brienne found that she couldn't stop her hips moving, she was rubbing against Jaime. She was seeking relief,and she couldn't stop. Jaime was grabbing her hips helping her to find a good rhythm. Soon it was hard to kiss when all she could feel was the burning pleasure.
Jaime kissed her neck.
"that's it, Brienne. Take what you need. I want to see you come." he was panting and were so very hard against her.
It was so easy to let go. She came as she pressed her lips at his.
As she felt like she was returning to her body. She felt how Jaime was moving his hips trying to find his own release.
She kissed him before she asked:
"May I see when you touch yourself."
He growled and kissed her hard.
"Can we go to a bed? I want you to take of your shirt, lay you down on your back. I want to sit in your lap looking at you as I come. I will likely come over your stomach and chest. But I promise that I will clean you up afterwards. May I?"
Brienne nodded, she didn't even think about it.
He kissed her hard. She stood up and led them to her bedroom, her bed was bigger.
Jaime kissed her as they were taking of her shirt before they stripped Jaime of all his clothes. He was so beautiful. But it was how he was looking at her that made Brienne hot again. She almost wanted to throw him down on the bed. But she wanted to experience the picture he had painted.
Brienne took of her pants but left on her panties. Before she laid down on the bed. Jaime was stroking himself looking at her.
"Fuck, this is so much more than I ever imagined. I have dreamt of seeing you naked, but fuck."
Jaime got on the bed. Started to taste her nipples. Brienne hissed.
He explored her body.
"fuck, I want to taste you. Go down on you as you hold my hair."
Brienne growled and pushed his head down at the junction of her thighs. He got her panties of her. And then he kissed up her the inside of her thigh before he started to feast on her. Brienne could hardly stay still. Her hips followed him chasing his lips and skillful tongue. Her hands was in his hair. Jamie looked at her all the time. As his fingers joined his mouth. Brienne knew that she wasn't going to last. Two of his fingers was in her as he suckle her and she came for a second time. This was so much better than the first. She felt pampered and loved. Especially by the way he looked at her. In that moment Jaime looked very pleased with himself.
She saw his smirk when he only slowed down his fingers that moved in her. Slowly teasing her until she was there again. Chasing a third release.
She couldn't lay still. It was almost too much. The sound she released as she came was an she had never made before. She was panting hard as he crawled up to kiss her.
"Lovely, so lovely. Sometime I will see how many times I can make you come."
He was touching himself.
"If we had condoms here I would loved to make love to you."
Brienne almost whined. He could do anything he wanted to her in that moment. She was so satisfied.
"But I am a man of my word."
He straddle her thighs. Kissed her and straightened his back. Giving her the full display as he touched himself. How the muscles of his abs rippled as he worked. Brienne started to touch him. Slowly feeling his legs, up to his ass, front of his abs, played with his nipples only to start again. Never letting her hands leave his body.
He was panting harder.
Brienne couldn't resist. She caressed over his tugging hand and touched his balls that was changing shape as she touched them. They became tighter.
Jaime came with a grunt.
Spilling warm seed over Briennes chest. He kissed her desperately.
She thought she heard a small thanks to the gods from Jaime.
"the day we get wed. I am not inviting her to our wedding even if she made us take the first step."
Brienne started laughing. She would never have to wonder if he wanted her for the long haul.
He kissed her before he laid his head on her shoulder and chest.
They cuddle before Jaime got some paper to clean up the mess he made. His soft eyes looking loving on her body. Then he returned to cuddle some more before they fell asleep side by side.

It felt more natural than Brienne had ever thought becoming Jaimes girlfriend. They just started to touch and kiss each other more. The only thing that changes was the sleeping arrangements. Every night Jaime slept in her bed. One day he had sold his bed.
The band had been happy for them.
Tyrion had shouted and kissed her face when they told him. He was ecstatic. He had always hated Cersei.

But Brienne let herself feel the love. It was hard shutting down almost 30 years of self bullying. But she had started to see a therapist about it. Jaime was an enormous help. She just had to start to believe his words.
When they were making love, it couldn't be called any other word. When Jaime was worshiping her body with his mouth, tongue and words she let them wash over her. Soak her soul.
One day she would be nice to herself.

The gigs started to come more regular. Jaime and Brienne's first duet was a hit. Singing, with Jaime, on stage as she was beating the drums was magical.
After one gig she had joined Jaime in the shower. Jaime had taken her from behind while she was rubbing her clit. It had been fast and hot. But or else they would have not been able to join the band for after show drinks. Arya had been glaring at them when the joined them again. Brienne blushed when she understood that she had heard them. Jaime was too happy to even care.
He just gave her a quick kiss and hold her hand as they walked to the pub.
Brienne was happy. They were happy.

There was nothing more to say.