Work Text:
Citizens of Rome: Grain's too expensive! We're going to starve!
Caius Martius: Too bad, fragments. I'm off to fight in Corioles.
Aufidius: Damn you Caius Martius, you win again!
Roman Senate: Yay! We will call you Caius Martius Coriolanus!
Volumnia: Hooray, more wounds. Now run for Consul!
Caius Martius: Do I have to?
Volumnia: I'm your mother. If I say you run for Consul, you'll do it!
Caius Martius: Yes, mummy. Give me your voices, rabble... I mean, citizens. Please?
Citizens of Rome: Okay!
Tribunes: ...you do realise he secretly despises you all.
Citizens of Rome: Oh.
Tribunes: Banish him instead!
Citizens of Rome: Okay!
Caius Martius: Hi Aufidius. I know we're sworn enemies, but Rome banished me. Wanna kill them all?
Aufidius: I love you. I mean... okay, sure, sounds good.
Cominius and Menenius: We used to be your bestest friends. Please stop attacking Rome.
Caius Martius: No.
Virgilia: I'm your wife. This is your son. Please stop attacking Rome.
Caius Martius: No.
Volumnia: Mummy says PRETTY PLEASE stop attacking Rome.
Caius Martius: Dammit, Mummy, I hate it when you do that. Okay, okay. Peace treaty.
Aufidius: NOOOO! YOU TRAITOR! I HATE YOU SO MUCH! I KILL YOU NOW!
Caius Martius: *dies*