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Eden DIY

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How to Build a Garden of Eden by yourself, step by step:

Local professionals recommend purchasing a few acres of tropical forest... Or a house with a backyard. In that case, order exotic plants online or acquire them on a port that probably isn't even on the map. Maybe get an apple tree, if you are of those who enjoy a nice parody. Also, a couple of conveniently ergonomic leaves, for you and your -if you happen to have one- partner of creation. The rest will be on the hands of the experts, or in yours if you insist.

Our friend recently acquired a little cottage near the outskirts of Tadfield, so the first point is checked. The plants, their distribution, space, and the weather were his main problems. All those millennia, all those gardening books and he never got to actually pay attention to a single one of them, none of his miracles would do justice for what he wanted (also because he didn't know exactly what he wanted).

Now he also regretted miracling every task he was given at the ambassador's garden. Not that their garden was especially unique, anyways.

He wouldn't ask Crowley even for the littlest piece of advice, this was for him, after all.

It was a sunny afternoon, his grumpy friend was out in their backyard teaching "Serpentine Martial Arts" to Pepper, who stopped talking to him for some weeks after he refused to teach her, basically, because he made up all of it and now he couldn't take it back.

The angel looked out of the window and muffled a little laugh with his hand when he saw the extravagant moves the demon was performing while the little girl tried to imitate them, and after he was sure no one would follow him, Aziraphale uncovered the portal drawn in the middle of their laundry room, he sighed heavily and tried to lock away any fatalist thought that came his way while he lighted the candles.

It's not like he would give his friend the entire walled garden with a couple of primitive creatures for him to take care of, he just needed some... Inspiration.

The angel set up the portal to go directly to the department where Everything was designed.

It's no surprise for those who are familiar with The Author that Everything is perfectly filed and cataloged between miles and miles of cold celestial walls. Neither that many of Her most relevant creations are sumptuously displayed along their entire length. The angel tried to not get distracted by them and strode towards the only desk on sight.

A very average looking angel pointed their gaze towards Aziraphale, leaving aside whatever they were doing.

"Hello! I'm looking for the Garden of Eden's… b-blueprints" He said while he tried to offer his good smile, which of course came out as super awkward.

"Aziraphale, former Guardian of the Eastern Gate," They said after their eyes turned to a creamy golden and probably even tasted the very core of his spirit, and continued...

"Due to suspicious activities related to Official resources that were given to you for your duty period on the Eastern Gate, your access to those files has been restricted until the investigations are finished, sir," The angel said as they pulled their gaze out of Aziraphale's soul who was frozen to the spot.

"But you can access to Gardens of the World section if that is of your interest, it contains projects on smaller scales, from more... Diverse creators. That does not make them less beautiful on their own!" The angel said as their five eyes crinkled up into a friendly smile and opened a drawer from which a card got out, battering its little wings, and posed on Aziraphale's hand.

"Why there can't be more people like this in here?" Aziraphale thought while he walked towards the door that was indicated to him after he thoroughly thanked the other angel.

The card disintegrated itself in a thousand golden flakes as soon as it touched the door and our friend entered the room. Now his right hand had little golden stains, like Uriel's.

He found himself in a balcony with two stairs on the sides and from there he detailed the room. The seemingly infinite hall full of shelves that contained a terrifying amount of files, even for the librarian, was obviously the first thing he noticed and instead of huge windows, the walls were covered with doors, dim light was coming out of those in which seemed to be daytime.

He skimmed through many files for what he calculated were hours, finding nothing but forest and public garden's records. The stains on his hand began burning a little bit, he knew he had little time left there, Aziraphale let out a long sigh and stopped for a moment so he could properly think of many fatalist scenarios.

"Are you looking for something specific, sir?" Another angel that looked pretty much like the one at the desk startled him, interrupting the flood of thoughts before he could drown. Aziraphale sighed to calm himself again.

"Everything here is too... Average!" He whined using his tragedy face #3.

The other angel put their hand on Aziraphale's shoulder and now they were so deep down the hall that the entrance was no longer visible. What the shelves contained were no longer file cases but books of all sizes and degrees of decomposition, he could even see some herb stems poking out of some pages, and now the doors behind him showed dense forests and apparently abandoned gardens.

Obviously, the other angel wasn't there anymore when he turned to thank them. To work, then.

Hedge Mazes To Not See your Enemy Ever Again Vol.1, Guide to Build a Tropical Jungle for Your Pet Quetzalcoatl [Seeds sold separately], Backyard with Everlasting Sun to Properly Dry your Clothes if You Live in London, were the first titles he stumbled across. He would come back for some of these later.

The angel kept searching, he was sure he saw Monet's garden a while ago and it took all of his strength to not go through the door and visit his old friend's house, this could be both the best and the worst day of his life.

He brushed the tips of his fingers over a row of confiscated grimoires and took the one that didn't emanate rage nor despair. Instead, he felt the love that was poured into its making, into every drawing, and every instruction, he also enjoyed the fruity fragrance of the homemade ink.

A Home for Their Heart was the title for one of the projects it's former owner must have completed.

His eyes began to slide faster over the pages and a smile grew slowly on his face, this was definitively something.

After some quick paperwork, he went back to earth.                                 

The way Crowley does and undoes things for him during the last six thousand years, even in front of Satan himself was something Aziraphale could never completely understand. Now he accepted to leave his apartment at the slightest suggestion that they should keep an eye on Adam for some time. Eleven years later, by the way.

His dramatic red throne, those seemingly familiar sculptures, and his plants were the only things he brought to the cottage.

He kept his plants in one of the rooms, he said they were too tropical for a Brittish backyard and that he didn't need a legion of old people knocking the windows demanding to know his tricks to keep them alive.

Instead, the angel's new library was a few blocks from the center of the town.

It's about time to do something for him, right?                                   

It took him the entire Monday night to read all the instructions, not quite understand what exactly the witch meant, freak out, and finally decide to do it anyway, and then spent the whole Tuesday night working on the thing.

Both nights he abandoned the demon in the living room earlier than usual and locked himself in his room.

"The last step to build a home for their heart is, in fact, their heart, or a vessel where they could've poured it in."

The angel prayed to whoever was listening at that moment that the demon didn't notice the little plant that now was missing from his collection.                                  

 —

Wednesday, about six in the morning, the angel bumped into the demon as he turned away from closing the new door. His wide-opened blue eyes were the only thing that stood out from his face that was covered in black soil as well as his old gardening clothes.

Crowley was no better, he was still in his black pajamas and his hair was falling on his forehead. His eyes, on the other hand, were piercing him, and the angel's Panic Bar began to rise, not even walking out of a door covered in soil like he just rolled down a hill was enough for that intense look he was receiving. Questioning and sad.

"This is not the way I- Crowley, I..." The angel stuttered harder the higher the demon raised his eyebrows. "Let me show you" He huffed.

As soon as the angel opened the door behind him, they felt the soft humidity and the warm earthy aroma that emanated from this new place.

They walked in silence a few feet, the redhead was amazed watching his friend's work. Aziraphale, on the other hand, was twisting the cloth of his gardening hat between his hands. The demon ran towards a very familiar bench that was in front of a little pond and pointed at it with unrestrained excitement, the angel nodded with a fond smile.

The demon followed the angel to wherever he was leading him, the whispers of the trees and the songs of the little bugs waking up to work were their only companion. The pale blue of the sky indicated that it was early morning in this little world as well.

Walking through a long arch covered by climbing plants, Crowley broke the silence.

"All this time I thought you didn't like this stuff, angel. And I know that you killed those little guys I left in your library some years ago." The demon said with a teasing smile, putting his hands on his pajama pockets and searching for the other's eyes.

Aziraphale laughed in a mix of surprise and embarrassment and walked some more steps ahead, "This is not for me, dear," He said softly, and courteously gestured towards what was just out the tunnel not without striking him with one of his shy side-glances before.

Third alternative rendezvous spot, the old bandstand, a bit improved, of course. Now it wasn't surrounded by grey asphalt and dry trees like that day, it was surrounded by fresh grass and flowering shrubs, there were planter boxes inside and lattice fences covering two of the side openings.

The demon got closer to it, gesturing with his open hands, he entered to the bandstand and turned to see the angel from there with the purest look of delight. Aziraphale followed his steps till he was by Crowley's side.

"So... this is what you were doing..." The demon asked slowly, almost carefully.

Aziraphale nodded quickly with a little smile, "I wanted this to be a surprise..." He let out a sigh "I'm sorry I left you abandoned those days" His gaze alternated between his friend and those brushes that didn't seem to be climbing the lattice before.

He only got a confused look from the demon, which he imitated before trying to make it all clear, "I made all of this for you, my dear."

Crowley's expression went blank for a second before it turned into a softer copy of the look he gave him back in front of the door "Angel..." He said slowly and barely audible and moved a bit closer "I- I thought you were starting to... starting to regre-" He suddenly stopped because the angel wasn't listening anymore, his gaze was fixed in something behind the demon.

A familiar aroma filled his senses, silky and mysterious. And he saw red roses blooming inside the bandstand.

The demon went tomato red, he knew this kind of spell. The warmth on his human face was only defeated by the magma burning inside him. It didn't get better the second he saw his angel was the same.

"That's... that's what it meant," Aziraphale whispered a bit teary-eyed and let out a beautiful laugh that reminded Crowley of the stars and how they tinkled when he stirred them with his fingers. The demon was stiff and embarrassed but he couldn't help but stare.

And another side-glance, and another knowing smile, and the Crowley went Satan red.

It wasn't a secret for them what the meaning of those flowers was, they were there when Lady Wortley Montagu released her first books and drove every southern pansy crazy.

"For the magic that breathes through this earth does not know distinctions between heaven or hell nor between angel and demon.

And you must know, the earth can say what the heart has not yet understood, dig their heart in this garden and no words will ever be needed."

And so they knew, that no more lies would be told under that bandstand.

Now you have your own Garden of Eden, be sure to send some floods from time to time and everything will be fine.