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You are not a monster

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Chloe woke feeling very happy and very hot. She could feel a warm body snugged up to her back and gentle breathing near her ear. She smiled a small smile when she thought of her Devil.

She reached out to push the blanket down and got a handful of feathers. ‘Did they rip the duvet?’ she mused to herself. Sex with Lucifer had been pretty amazing but she didn’t remember them doing THAT.

She opened her eyes. What she saw had her mouth gaping open.

They hadn’t ripped the down-filled duvet. No, what she took for a blanket turned out to be a gorgeous white wing. She still had her hand on it and she could feel the rigid bone beneath the luminous feathers. His wings were fully healed, that she could see, but she was surprised that he had them out.

She didn’t want to wake him but she couldn’t resist the urge to run her fingers over the downy feathers. She caressed the top of his wing joint lightly. The wing twitched slightly at her touch but she continued down ridge as far as she could reach.

Gathering her nerve, she pushed her fingers into the underside of the wing and delved into the softer feathers there. Oh, they were so warm and velvety to the touch and she kept going until she reached the skin underneath.

“Mm, tickles,” she heard Lucifer mutter behind her. She stilled her questing fingers. She heard Lucifer gasp when he startled awake and with a low ‘bugger’, she felt him move and the wing disappeared.

She turned over to face him, staying within the circle of his arms. He was wide awake and looking at her like he was afraid she was going to run from him once more. She reached out to stroke his face and was glad to see the relief return to his eyes. He even gave her a small smile.

“Apologies, Chloe. The blasted things seem to have a mind of their own.”

“No, it’s okay. You can have them out if you want. I don’t mind.”

“Haven’t you had enough Celestial nonsense for one day?”

“Lucifer, they are a part of you. I love all of you remember?” She gave him a smile while she stroked his face.

His heart stuttered and he felt a pleasing ache when she said she loved him. He didn’t think he would ever get used to her saying it. Kissing her palm once more, he never broke eye contact.

“Can you… will you show me?” She looked at him, hoping he knew what she meant.

He hesitated, still not believing she was at all comfortable with his other side. He felt it was a punishment and not something she should care about but he could never deny her anything she deemed to ask him so he relaxed and let his other face show.

When Lucifer’s face changed, it was not as a slow melt from one to the other. Instead, one minute she was looking into the hypnotic brown orbs of an Angel, the next, she was gazing into hellfire irises residing in a sea of midnight black. In one blink of her eye, she went from feeling the enticing scruff of his five o’clock shadow to the rough scared planes of his demonic face. She blinked again and all traces were gone but she knew it was still there and she was glad. It too was a part of him.

“I’m glad it’s still there,” she whispered. Her hand had never left his face.

“Why?” he wondered. This woman would never cease to amaze him. “You cannot honestly tell me you like that face.”

“No, but Lucifer I don’t want you to change who you are. You are not just the Devil; you are also an Angel. You will always be both so yes, I am glad because that is who I fell in love with, all the parts of you. And besides, how would you get any confessions out of the bad guys using this handsome mug.” She teased him, gently smacking him on his face, happy to share this time with him.

He could live another eternity and still not understand this incredible woman. How she could love him, knowing all that he was, all that he was capable of? It would forever leave him in awe. His eyes flicked between her eyes and her lips then back again. He couldn’t resist kissing her.

He only meant the kiss to be an affirmation of all that he felt for her and her acceptance but Chloe had other ideas. She kissed him back with more passion and began running her hand down his side, inching ever closer to his groin. Suddenly, he broke from her kiss and moved away quickly.

“Who’s hungry, hm? No dinner last night and no brekkie today, I’m sure you are famished.” He continued as he got out of the bed, grabbing his robe and leaving the bedroom.

Chloe was shocked when he broke away from her so quickly and watched in utter confusion as he – there was no other word for it – fled the bedroom.

“Lucifer?” she called after him, scooting across the bed, grabbing the sheet as she went.

“Lucifer.” She followed him into the kitchen. He didn’t stop or acknowledge her.

“I’ll just clean up this mess and make you something, shall I?” He was cleaning up the spilt crepe batter from earlier.

“Lucifer!” she demanded, finally getting his attention. “What’s wrong? Is this… is this because I asked to see your other face?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous.” He scoffed, taking the bowl to the sink and grabbing a towel.

“Then what? Why did you stop me?” A heaviness filled her heart and a coldness settled in her gut, “Was this… was this a game to you? Now that I’ve finally slept with you, you are done with me?” Tears were pooling in her eyes and her voice quivered with emotion.

“No, Chloe, never.” He looked shocked that she would say something like that. Didn’t she know how much she meant to him?

“Then what is it? Why don’t you want me to touch you? Why did you flee the room?” She still wasn’t convinced that she hadn’t done something wrong.

Lucifer was frozen in indecision. How could he tell her that he was afraid to have sex with her? That he could hurt her if he was not able to control his light? Afraid that his brother was wrong and it wasn’t a one-time thing? But she was standing there wrapped in his bedsheet, looking at him with such pain in her eyes, that he knew he had to explain somehow. Instead of answering her, he moved around the island, grabbed her wrist and made his way back toward the bedroom.

Chloe was taken aback when he grabbed her and her first instinct was to pull away, but his grip was like steel and it was all she could do to keep up with him. She briefly wondered what his intentions were when he headed to the bedroom but he didn’t stop and continued into the bathroom. What the…?

Lucifer stopped and placed Chloe in front of him before he turned her to face the floor length mirror.

“Chloe, tell me what you see?” He said, nodding toward the mirror.

Chloe had twisted her body somewhat in order to keep looking at him but now turned to the mirror he was indicating.

‘What did she see? What was he going on about?’ she wondered to herself as she looked at their reflection. She saw them obviously but that couldn’t be what he was talking about so she kept looking and she did notice something. Moving away from Lucifer, she approached the mirror, her hand moving to her face, her jaw specifically. The bruising on her face and neck were gone, her skin flawless. She worked her jaw up and down, but there was no pain, not even when she pushed in with her fingers. She looked at Lucifer’s reflection, her eyes wide.

“How…,” she began, still amazed at her recovery, “Did your wings do this?” It was the only thing she could think of that made any sense. She did wake up with his wing draped over her after all.

“They may have been part of it,” he conceded, “but is that all you see?” He had made a discovery when he had rejoined her in bed after his brother had left. He wondered how long it would take before she noticed it as well.

What else could there be, she had no clue, but she turned back to the mirror. Her eyes never left her face, wondering what he could be talking about but then she saw it, or rather it was what she didn’t see. Her fingers made their way across her shoulder to where the scar left behind by Jimmy Barnes’ bullet should be. It was not there. It was not faded or lighter in appearance; it was gone as if it was never there to begin with. She turned to look at the back of her shoulder. The exit wound scar was gone as well. She turned back to Lucifer, wanting, needing an explanation.

“What’s the last thing you remember, Chloe?” he asked her, “Before you passed out.”

She huffed a sigh and rolled her eyes, what did that have to do with anything?

“Just tell me.”

What did she remember? It was kind of hazy in her mind. She remembered wanting him, needing to feel him and the exquisite feeling that came over her when he entered her for the first time. But that wasn’t all she remembered now that she was thinking about it.

“I remember feeling a need for something, something more, so I flipped you over. I felt something building, getting bigger until it seemed to take over.” Her brow furrowed, wondering if she was making any sense but he just returned her gaze and let nothing show on his face.

“I remember screaming your name then everything turned white.” A blush spreading across her features as she recounted their first time together. “What’s going on, Lucifer?” she questioned.

Lucifer didn’t say anything at first and continued to stare at her without blinking in that otherworldly way he had and she began to get scared. What had happened?

“Detective… Chloe,” he corrected himself, “When you… when I… bloody hell, when I came, my light burst out, along with my wings. The same light I used to create the stars came out of me and went through you,” he confessed hurriedly before he lost his nerve. “That light has brought you back to the state you were in the day you were born. Back to beauty base one, if you will.” He stopped and waited for her to reply, unsure what she might say.

She didn’t know what to say. The light he commanded to bring about the stars in the sky went through her body? What could she say to that? She believed him, it explained the white, but she didn’t see a problem. She felt fine. Better than fine actually. She felt invigorated, energized, whole in a way she hadn’t felt before.

“Okay? So, your light came out and went through me, I don’t see a problem. I feel fine,” she told him, still not sure what was so wrong.

He couldn’t believe she didn’t think it was a big deal. To his mind it was a very big deal, how could she not see it?

“Chloe, no human was designed to withstand that sort of power. I could hurt you, ki… kill you.” His voice a mere whisper on the last word.

She went to him, finally understanding what was bothering him. But something, some instinct didn’t believe that, couldn’t believe that. Surely his Father, fate or whatever wouldn't be so cruel as to allow them to come this far just to take it all away.

“But I’m not just any human, remember?” she reminded him, reaching up to touch his face. “I’m a miracle.”

He wanted to believe her, wanted nothing more than to lose himself in her eyes and her heart but nothing good ever happened where he was involved.

“That’s what Amenadiel believes as well, but I can’t take that chance. Not with your life.”

“Amenadiel?” she wondered. She thought he went back to Heaven when Charlotte died.

“I… called him, prayed to him actually. You were unconscious and I didn’t know if you…,” he couldn’t finish, remembering the panic that had set in when she was limp in his arms.

“And?” she tried to keep him on track.

“He said that you were special, that it may be a one-time thing.”

“Did he say why he thought that? That it might only be once?” she asked him.

He held out his hand, palm up and light began to flow from his fingers, creating a small ball of light in the center of his hand. He kept it small but Chloe couldn’t take her eyes off that ball of energy. He closed his hand and extinguished the flame.

“Now that I can control it, he thinks it won’t be a problem.”

“But that’s great, isn’t it?”

“I don’t bloody know now do I?” he said, more forcefully than he intended but he was clueless about what it all meant and he hated feeling powerless. “What if I can’t? What if it happens again and next time, you’re not so lucky? I can’t lose you, Chloe.”

“You won’t lose me,” she assured him. “Look, we’ll figure this out, you and I. We make a great team, remember?” She smiled at him. She really didn’t know what it all meant either but she did know she was willing to fight for him, for them. “If we have to take it slow, we’ll take it slow. Whatever it takes, as long as we are together, no one can take that away from us.”

“There’s something else. Amenadiel also had a conversation with my Father.”

That was certainly a surprise. From what Lucifer had told her, his Father (God!) hadn’t spoken to his children in ages, an eternity even. Why would he speak now?

“I though He didn’t speak to anyone anymore? Why would he speak to Amenadiel now? Was… was it about me?” She was afraid of the answer. To know that the Almighty was speaking about her, had her in His thoughts was terrifying.

“I don’t know why He would suddenly condescend to speak and I have no idea if it has anything to do with what happened. Father has never been straightforward.”

“What did He say?” Again, she was not sure she wanted to know the answer.

“It’s a gift,” he told her simply.

“Gift? What’s a gift?”

“In case you haven’t figured it out already, Chloe, my Father delights in being obtuse. It may not mean anything; it could be my Father yanking my strings again. Dangling this chance of happiness in my face only to snatch it all away in the future.” His agitation beginning to show as he raved. “It may all be some cruel joke.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” she tried to soothe him. She knew she could never attempt to understand the history between Lucifer and his family but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try to be there for him. “Forget about your Father, your Brother, everyone. I’m here and I’m fine.”

“But will you stay fine,” he addressed her, reaching out and stroking her face.

“Lucifer, nothing is guaranteed. You know this. Three years ago, I never dreamed I would be here, with you. But I am now and I don’t plan on going anywhere. Whatever happens, we can face it together.”

Lucifer had fallen before, the biggest fall of all time perhaps, but this fall was one of his own choosing. He fell for Chloe a little more each day and never more so than at this moment. Her unwavering belief in him, in them, shook him to his core. He would never feel worthy of her, of her love, but he would spend an eternity trying to be the person she thought him to be.

“How do you do it? How do you give the Devil hope?” he said, completely in awe of this incredible woman.

“Easy, I love you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. His arms came up and held her closer. She listened to the thudding of his heart and held him tighter, pouring all her feelings into her embrace.

“And I you,” he told her, squeezing her tightly and kissing the crown of her head.

They remained wrapped in each other's arms, giving and taking what comfort the other could bestow. There was no hurry, no need to speak further, holding each other was all the language needed.

And for the first time in his immortal life, Lucifer had hope, faith in the future.