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Let Me Fall For You, You're Not Alone

Chapter Text

What would Crowley do is his angel Fell? He didn’t know, despite how much he asked himself though. He didn’t want Aziraphale to suffer the same way he did millennia ago.

The thing is, no being remembers the Fall itself. But they always remember the feeling of Falling. How slow it was, the fact that it took weeks for one to fully Fall. The burning sensation, the metallic taste of blood that never went away until a week in Hell. The sensation of your wings getting ripped clean off without warning and new ones, evil ones, being sewn right back to replace them. Like your whole being was falling apart and being sewn and welded back together into this evil creature that you didn’t want to be, yet must now take the identity of.

Crowley still got nightmares about it. Ever since the Ameggedon’t, the burning of the bookshop and the explosion of the Bently, the nightmares only multiplied, making his fears worse.

After all, there's no greater offense than supposedly going against the Plan the Almighty has supposedly set up for hundreds of millennia.

And he had only asked questions. He could fall no farther than he already had. But Aziraphale could fall much, much farther.

“Angel, I’m just saying… Ducks.” Crowley said in midst of yet another session of drunken banter, yet he was the only drunk one tonight. Aziraphale was completely sober. Crowley was wasted.

“Yes yes, Dear.” Aziraphale replied with a nod, taking a small sip of whatever wine the two had happened to open that night.

Then Crowley stood from his chair, across from the angel and practically waltzed over, plopping down onto the plush couch and setting his glass on the coffee table. He leaned against Aziraphale and let out a sigh as his face turned grim.

“What if you Fall?” Crowley asked his friend, well, closer to lover than friend but neither will admit that out loud, not yet at least.

Aziraphale was caught off guard not only by the sudden change in mood but also by the question.

“Dear boy, our respected authorities, are leaving us alone, we won't have to worry about that.” said the angel. There seemed to be an unspoken ‘yet’.

“Angel I asked questions. You broke the will of Gabriel and Heaven itself. We’re damned if we don’t worry about it.” Crowley hissed. His irises seemed to expand, eyes more yellow and snake-like as time went on.
“I know dear, but we still shouldn’t worry. Maybe you should sober up if you want to talk about this.” Aziraphale suggested.

“Nooooo,” Crowley whined.

“Dear please, this is serious if its a real concern of yours.” Aziraphale said.

Crowley muttered a “Fine.” and sobered up, leaning back against Aziraphale's side.

“Thank you, lo- dear. Now, what's troubling you?”

“It's just- I only asked questions and I Fell. You’ve LIED and DISOBEYED the Almighty herself! Yet nothing has happened! You don’t think that it won’t catch up to you? If it does, you’ll Fall no doubt! I just- I don’t- I can’t- I don’t want to- I can’t let you Fall Angel.”

Aziraphale turned Crowley to face him, his hands on the demon's shoulders. “Dear, take a breath, your spiraling. Calm down,” he said as he slowly took the demons glasses off and set them to the side. “There, like that.”

Crowley nodded, despite his only barrier of the angel to his emotions was now taken away. He took a few breaths before continuing, “I don’t want you t have to go through the Fall, Angel. It changes you. It hurts. It's horrible. Its worse than Death! I don’t want you to go through that.”

“Describe it to me. Tell me why it’s so bad.” Aziraphale said. Though he didn’t need it to be described. Crowley would always describe the Fall after the angel had woken him from a nightmare.

“It burns. It's like a thousand knives tearing you apart. Your wings, your beautiful, beautiful wings, getting ripped off and replaced with a demon's wings. It's torture. And so damn long. I knew I was Falling a week or more before I was actually sent to Hell!”

Aziraphale hugged the now tearful Crowley close, silently rubbing his back, and after a while just holding him before noticing the demon had fallen asleep.

They would finish the conversation in the morning, or whenever Crolwey woke up, whichever one came first.

Chapter Text

Burning

It hurts oh Almighty it hurts so much

Pain

Burning

Help, please

Please

Aziraphale quickly sat up, arms flying around his middle, making him curl up into himself and in turn, shove off the sleeping demon. The Angel let out a yelp of pain.

“Wha- Angel?” Came a sleepy voice from the floor that was suddenly very alert. “Oh my god, Ang- Aziraphale!”

Crowley scrambled to his feet and next to Aziraphale. He felt his heart clench and twist and turn in painful movements at the sight.

It was happening.

His angel was Falling.

And it was his fault.

It had to be right? He was the only one who was ever around Aziraphale constantly throughout millennia. He was the only one who made a real impact on the beings life on Earth.

So why now?

Why was God making him Fall now? She surely knew that Aziraphale could've Fallen way sooner.

Intervening with so many religious and historical events, giving away the sword and unintentionally making War, making friends with a DEMON.

So why now?

He would have to question it later because now it seemed like Aziraphale's pain was subsiding for now. Crowley only realized that he had made his dark black wings appear and had wrapped them around himself and the shaking Aziraphale.

“It's okay, you’re okay, I won’t let them hurt you.” Crowley muttered, softly patting down his lover's fluffy white curls.

Lover? Did that fit? Well, if it hadn’t before, it certainly did now.

“I-I'm okay. Just- Shaken is all my dear.” Aziraphale stuttered, leaning a bit into the comforting touch.

“So it's really happening then huh? She’s striking you dow after all these years, how fucking could She?! After all these years and you, bearly questioned a thing! You were Her perfect angel, Angel! Yet She HAD to make you Fall!” Crowley suddenly yelled, standing up and closing his wings close to his back.

“Dear please calm down-”

“I won’t calm down Angel! It's Her fault!” Then Crowley sighed and paused before speaking again. “No… It’s- It’s my fault.”

Aziraphale dragged Crowley back onto the couch and embraced him. “It’s not your fault Crowley. I was bound to Fall eventually. You didn’t cause it, if anything, I’d much rather Fall with you by my side than alone. And if the Almighty strikes me down for loving you dear, so be it.”

The last part he hadn’t meant to say aloud, but oh well, too late now. Neither questioned it yet, but one would question it later, but not now. They were too wrapped up in the loving, comfortable hold to care.

Chapter Text

Not an actual chapter, just an update.

I'm almost done with the third chapter. I just need a few more things added and then need to run it by my editor and then it will be posted.

But currently, school is kicking my a**. I'm also in an after school law program and have a bar exam on Monday I have to study for. With those things, theatre classes that I do, and just basic writer's block and average delay, I am currently unable to post chapters as fast as I want to.

I wanted to originally post chapters every three to six days, but clearly, that hasn't happened and probably won't until I get my post schedule even with the days my editor has free time and is able to help edit and revise the chapter.

The new schedule is just to whenever I can post chapters. I'll try to do two or three a month to keep y'alls interest but bear with me if it slows down.

If you ever have any questions feel free to comment them and I will answer to the best of my ability. Make sure to leave a kudo if you are enjoying the story and feel free to bookmark it to come back or find updates!

Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon guys, gals, and non-binary pals!

Chapter Text

Would he leave him?

He could.

But he wouldn’t.

He didn’t have the heart to. Though, many would say he didn’t have a heart. That he lost it long ago, or that he never had a heart, to begin with. Truth is, his heart was in front of him, holding him as he felt his hearts black and white wings wrap around him tighter, holding him closer.

Home is where the heart is, as they say.

Crowley can’t abandon both of those. Never can and never will. Leaving would mean abandoning, and abandoning meant that he would never see his heart again, now that simply can’t do. He had to see his heart. To know it was still there, to know that it was still beating, to know that it still cared. To know that he was still living.

Aziraphale was similar.
He didn’t know what cracked in him when he first saw Crowley on the wall of Eden, or at the flood, or in Mesopotamia, or the crucifixion, or Rome, or anytime after that. But something cracked. Something that made him care for the demon. Something that made him want t stay near to him, to keep him safe. Originally, he passed it off as angelic kindness, until he was hit with the hard truth that most angels weren’t nice.

That’s how it was. They were codependent on each other.

This was proven when the Fall continued.

Besides the burning, the wings were the worst part.

Aziraphale beautiful white wings slowly falling apart, feathers shedding off painfully and new black ones replacing them.

But Crowley was with him the whole time. Sometimes he had to step out, when he couldn’t stand to watch helplessly anymore or it was recovering memories that he had hidden for a reason.

On the worst day of the Fall, Aziraphale’s skin and hair were singed black and grey. It looked like ash. At this point, his wings were completely black beside the occasional white feather but that was rare.

“Aziraphale, do you regret knowing me?” Crowley asked that night as he laid next to his lover.

“No Dear, never, even now.” Aziraphale said with a small shake of his head, despite the small amount of energy he had.

“I’m the reason your Falling though. If you didn’t talk to me on the wall, didn’t even look at me, you would still be an angel.” Crowley said. He knew he shouldn’t be making this argument now, but, his emotions were taking over. His nerves were over his reason.

“But I wouldn’t have anyone to spend the next 6000 years with. Crowley, I would never regret meeting you.” Aziraphale reasoned. Honestly, he was too exhausted for this, but, his demon was fretting and he wouldn’t let the poor boy drive himself to a panic attack over this. So he tried to keep Crowley calm.

But Aziraphale’s attempts deemed useless as Crowley drove himself into a downward spiral of nerves. The red-haired demon felt his breathing quicken to a dangerous pace. The regret and what if’s driving his mental state to nothing but anxiety. He crossed his arms in a useless attempt to stop their shaking. He couldn’t- WOULDN’T do this now. Not when Aziraphale was Falling. Aziraphale was Falling. His angel was Falling. Falling. Falling. Falling. Falling-

“Dear, breathe.” Aziraphale snapped Crowley out of his trance. He spoke in a weary tone but was willing to help. “In for four, hold for five, out for six.”

Crowley paused his spiraling to breathe. He did what he normally did when he was panicking like this, placing his hand on his chest. Right at the bottom of the ribs, on the diaphragm. As he breathed, he felt the rise and fall of the muscle. It helped. And soon, though it felt like an eternity, he was calm again.

Then he took Aziraphale into his arms and held the Falling angel close The two fell asleep just like that.

Chapter Text

Finally, it was done.

The Falling was finished. Finally. After almost a month, the Fall was finished.

Aziraphale still went by the same name. His wings were now black. His hair had greyed a bit. From stress or ash, no one would be able to tell. No one wanted to know anyway.

He was still kind but that was because that's just who he was. It was similar to Crowley. Neither had their kindness burned away. Neither had their humanity burned away. But both had their faith burned away.

And what they didn't expect was who showed up at the bookshop.

Gabriel.

"Finally! Finally, you Fell! Then again, the Almighty set you up for it from the start. I mean, Aziraphale, AziraFELL, same thing different spelling." The Archangel loved the joy of the 'nuance' ex-angel Falling. He couldn't help but smile.

Crowley was probably the angriest he had ever been towards an angel. Especially an angel he used to respect. When he was still an angel of course. For some reason, Gabriel was always there when an angel Fell. Always there to taunt them.

"Your lot made him like this! The kindest angel! The one who protected others and gave them a second chance! Your damned lot made him Fall!" He hissed.

Gabriel only smirked. "Oh no. Don't think your friends want him down there either. Face it demons, you two just aren't wanted."

That made Aziraphale look away from both of them. "Not wanted" rang in his ears. Over and over like a mantra. He tried to ignore it.

"Get. Out." Crowley scoffed, pushing Gabriel out of the shop and slamming the door in his face.

It was the first year of the rest of their lives. And everything had changed.

Aziraphale had Fallen. Haster and Liger were making their lives hell on Earth. Beelzebub relished having another demon in Hell, especially an ex-principality.

It felt like the last year of the rest of their lives.

Things didn't seem like they would be okay again as time went on, but that was wrong.

The south downs cottage happened in the 23rd century. It was quiet. Hell at that point left them alone, as most angels had Fallen and Heaven held little power, Hell didn't need them. Even Gabriel had Fallen, he now helped rule Hell with Beelzebub.

Back to the cottage. It had a garden out back that Crowley tended to. Flowers and fruits and really whatever could be grown.

Aziraphale occasionally helped out but he mostly spent the day reading or his newest hobby, embroidery.

It was finally wonderful.

So, what would Crowley do if his angel Fell? Well, now you know. He would do everything he could to help and he would never leave his angel.