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reflecting in your eyes (like an endless summer)

Summary:

-

"But you don't have a hickey," Kara points out, and Lena just smiles. Like it's a silly thing to say, like there's something Kara's not getting that should be painfully obvious. Then she tilts her head and drops her eyes to Kara's lips, and suddenly it is painfully obvious. "Lena, what, I can't—"

"Kara," Lena frowns. "It's like six seconds of licking my neck, it's not the end of the world."

'But i'm a vampire', Kara wants to say out loud, except that gives them a bad reputation. Really, she should say, 'but i'm in love with you. i've loved you all along and Jesus christ this is pushing me over the edge', but she can't get those words to formulate for some reason, so she goes with, "I just don’t think it's the best idea."

 

OR,

the vampire au.

Notes:

I'm on TUMBLR and TWITTER. Come hang out with me!

<3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"So, what do you think?" Lena asks, tilting her head. Kara's chest feels tight the second she looks up.

This is the fourth choker Lena's modeled for her, and Kara feels like she can't breathe every single time she takes in the leather across Lena's skin. Every time she catches Lena's breath hitching as she stretches her neck out. Nervous and hesitant, like asking and hearing Kara's opinion is something that actually makes her anxious. Kara's staring again. She can't help it.

"I really like the black one, I think," Lena tells her, casual as anything. "But I could go with blue or red or purple if you think one of those is better. I could try them on again if you want me to?"

"No, that's okay," Kara says. The words come out fast enough to be awkward.

It feels like there's so much tension in the air, but for the life of her, she can't figure out why. Sure, she's a vampire, but that doesn't mean this has to be weird. Sure, she drinks blood and has fangs, and every once in a blue moon she gets the urge to sink her teeth into something fleshy, but an inherent neck fetish isn't a part of her identity.

She doesn't even think about necks normally, or look at them or care about them. But there's something different about Lena pulling Kara's attention to her neck that gets under her skin. It makes her notice things she otherwise wouldn't: like how Lena's neck is corded with muscle when she strains it, or how it's dotted with these adorable little freckles, or how it's long and pale and would probably look nice covered in lovebites. And she absolutely means the normal kinds that aren't vampire specific. It drives Kara crazy just thinking about it, but she knows it only gets to her because underneath it all she's head over fucking heels for Lena, and if it's not her neck, then it's her eyes or her hair or the way she bites her lip when she's thinking too hard about something. Kara always gets this feeling around Lena like she's teetering too close to the edge of a cliff, like one incorrect step and she'd just slip off and fall into the unknown.

And she'd be happy about it, too. Falling with no real direction. Because it's for Lena.

And that somehow always makes it feel worth it.

"The black one is perfect," she decides. She looks down to where she's toeing at the carpet. She can never keep her eyes on Lena when it's just the two of them, afraid she might give something away if she does. Lena might finally clue in to how desperate Kara feels for her if she catches the way Kara gets lost sometimes or stares too long. "Where'd you say you're going?"

"I'm meeting up with my ex-boyfriend," Lena says. There's a lightness to her voice like she's happy about that, like she's looking good just for him even though she's the one that ended it. "He has some things of mine that I need back."

"And you need to wear a choker for that?" Kara asks, hoping she doesn't sound disappointed, but she keeps her eyes on the floor just in case she does. She can't even hide it anymore. "I thought you said he was a jerk."

"Yeah, he's a total dick," Lena says, no hesitation, and Kara glances up just in time to catch her adjusting the choker.

It's black leather with a small heart carved out right in the center. This time Kara makes the mistake of letting herself look a little bit too long. She isn't obsessed with necks, she isn't, but she's not imagining the fact that Lena only wears low-cut shirts now, or the fact that she only sends selfies with her full-neck in view: like the one she sent angled upwards to showcase her earrings, or the one she sent right after hot yoga. Where her skin was glistening and Kara could practically taste the salt from how slick she looked.

But, not like, in a creepy way. She's not weird about it. Or at least she thinks she's not. It's just... ugh. Maybe she's reading too much into it. Maybe she is weird about it and needs to shove it to a faraway corner of her mind.

"The choker's just the first part of my plan to get under his skin," Lena goes on. Her fingers are still dancing on the leather of the choker even now that she's got it positioned perfectly. "I figured he deserves to be fucked with, at least a little bit."

"What's the next part, then?" Kara asks, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking away again. Lena would never be interested in her seriously or want Kara's fangs in her neck. Besides, Kara's not even into that, so why bother thinking about it. "Why do you need to drive him crazy?"

"He was a dick, Kara," Lena says, like it logically follows that she should look good for him as a punishment. "The other part is the hickey I'll have from my new boyfriend. The choker is just to draw his attention to it."

"Your new what?" Kara asks. She lifts her head fast enough that her fringe tumbles over her forehead. So much for her not being obvious. But Lena never mentioned another guy, and Kara's not sure she can handle going through that again. "You have a new boyfriend?"

"No, you'd be the first to know," Lena scoffs, rolling her eyes. It's a sassy gesture but her eyes feel playful, like Kara's genuinely in on it with her. She always has this way of making Kara feel included, even when she's not included or doesn’t actually agree with the plan. Or know exactly what it is, for that matter. "The hickey is just to make him think I have a new boyfriend. That's all."

"Oh. But you don't have a hickey," Kara points out, and Lena just smiles. Like it's a silly thing to say, like there's something Kara's not getting that should be painfully obvious. Then she tilts her head and drops her eyes to Kara's lips, and suddenly it is painfully obvious. "Lena, wait. I can't—"

"Kara," Lena frowns. "It's like. Six seconds of licking my neck. It's not the end of the world."

But i'm a vampire, Kara wants to say out loud, except that gives them a bad reputation. Really, she should say, but i'm in love with you. i've loved you all along and this is pushing me over the fucking edge, but she can't get those words to formulate for some reason, so she goes with, "I just don’t think it's the best idea. It could be weird. We've never done something like that before."

"But, you're my best friend, so. Who else would I ask?" Lena reasons, then she pauses like she's waiting for Kara to speak, but Kara just stays silent, so finally Lena shrugs and says, "Fine, I'll grab a guy in the lounge. Does that sound like a better solution?"

"Wait, no, that's not," Kara starts to say, then gives in and says, "Okay, I'll do it, but—"

"Awesome," Lena cuts her off. Then she takes a step forward and suddenly she's close in Kara's space, pressing up on her toes so her neck is craned in the direction of Kara's mouth. Her heart is beating so fast, and Kara latches on to that rather than focusing on her neck. She lets herself get lost in the thrum of it, imagining for a second that she has a heartbeat herself. She's confident it'd be pumping double-time right now too. She knows it would have skyrocketed as she was watching Lena model the chokers, fluttered every time Lena smiled at her or batted her lashes. It would have stopped completely when Lena looked at Kara's lips and suggested she give Lena a hickey. The thought alone of tasting Lena is enough to make it feel like there's fire underneath Kara's skin. 

"Crap," Kara gasps. She snaps her hand over her mouth the second she feels her fangs pop out. It's not on purpose, but she knows Lena understands what it means when it happens involuntarily, and it's so embarrassing. "I'm so sorry." She moves her hand away and instantly feels guilty about it. "I didn't mean for them to do this. They just come out sometimes. On their own."

"It's alright," Lena says, calm as ever. She still has her head tilted as if Kara's still supposed to like? Give her a hickey. With her fangs out. With her fangs that are trying to either express i want to eat you or i'm so turned on right now i could just... eat you. Or a combination of the two.

"I can't," she says. "I mean. It's too dangerous if my fangs are out. I could puncture the skin or something."

Again, Lena just shrugs, like even that isn't a big deal. As if Kara sinking her fangs into her neck wouldn't be weird or creepy or like, at the very least, slightly painful. "It's okay. Just be quick so I can run and get this over with."

Her voice sounds calm, low and even in that way that's typical for Lena Luthor, but Kara can still hear her heartbeat. She can hear the cadence of Lena's breathing. She can see how tense Lena is and how her chest is rising, and she can smell Lena. And not just her perfume or her toothpaste or expensive shampoo. Because, the thing is, Lena has been sending her unusual pictures. Kara's not imagining it. She knows she's not. And sometimes they're more risqué than they should be, and they're always accentuating Lena's neck, even when Kara's actively trying not to think about it. And she could be crazy, could be batshit losing her mind crazy, but right now she can swear that Lena's turned on, because she can smell her. And that's a lot to process, let alone figure out what to do with it. 

Kara Danvers doesn't spend her days fantasizing about necks, plural, she spends them thinking about Lena's neck.

And now it's right there, in front of her, angled towards her, and. It's still a terrible idea. "Lena, I just. It's not a good idea, alright?" she sticks with, even if her brain is yelling otherwise.

There's a stiff pause after she says it though, not a single breath between them for a few too many seconds, then Lena opens her mouth, and closes it. And then she opens it again like she's failing to formulate a sentence. The entire moment is so fucking ridiculous that Kara can't help but sigh. She doesn't have to be weird with Lena when she can just be honest.

She has a crush on her, but they're still best friends. 

"Honestly," she says. "This whole plan just feels like a bad idea. You broke up. Just let him go."

"Yeah, I know," Lena says. Kara sees it in her eyes when she finally gives up. She relaxes, blinking up at Kara as she lets her shoulders sink. She looks disappointed, but maybe Kara's misreading that. She could be frustrated with Kara making something big out of something simple. "You're right, yeah. It's dumb. He's not worth the time. Do you want to go to the store instead? You can get a blood pop."

"He was never worth it," Kara smiles. "And yeah, I'd love to go."

-

Kara knows blood drinking is an actual thing. She isn't oblivious about it. She knows there are people who are more than okay with offering warm blood straight from the source. Ones who don't mind the fangs or maybe even like them. She knows there are even non-violent ways to drink human blood like donations and whatnot. But it's all a slippery slope if you ask her.

It's like X-Men, where the mutants have to protect the typical humans or else they're the bad guys. Always straddling the line between safety and one small slip, between freedom and losing all rights and autonomy. The moment vampires show an increased interest in human blood consumption, is the moment they get hunted again. And Kara's not interested in that. She already lost everyone she had in the last war, already spent twenty-four years in a sleep chamber just praying she'd wake up in a time where Stake and Bake parties weren't a popular pass time.

And she did, weirdly and miraculously. She did. She woke up in a world on the cusp of change, one that took a while to iron out the kinks. But one she can finally exist in mostly peacefully. She doesn't want to mess that up for a sweet drink or a couple of seconds with her fangs in some cute girl's neck. She doesn't want to go back to the way things used to be all because Lena Luthor is rich and beautiful and soft in a way that shows she's never had to fight in her life. She doesn't want to do that. She's perfectly happy with the way things are.

The only problem is that she's not actually happy with it.

She doesn't think Lena's just another girl. She thinks she's smart and amazing and she's seen how incredibly brave she can be. She's watched Lena speak out publicly in support of vampires, even though her mom pretty much leads the current anti-vampire crusade. Lena doesn't care, though. She's always in Kara's corner. Always speaking out and protesting and aligning herself in ways that alienate her from her family. She’s gone on the front lines and gotten smoke-bombed and organized blood drives for animal-allergic vampires.

Lena’s different, Kara knows that. She knows that Lena’s not just another girl that wants her blood sucked, and that maybe she truly believes she’s trying to help. Or maybe she does have a little bit of a thing for Kara. But it’s complicated.

It’s complicated in a way that Lena can’t comprehend no matter how well-intentioned she is.

-

"Hey, Ms. Danvers," Lena greets, smiling as she plops down in Kara’s space on the library couch. She’s wearing the choker casually now, and Kara hasn’t taken a breath since she started. "Lunch date?"

"We can’t, right? Your mom’s minions are occupying our usual spot, and you know I hate the blood at Carson’s."

"Not an issue," Lena says. She leans in and drapes herself over Kara, her body wash filling up every inch of Kara's brain. "I already snuck in and got your favorite. We can picnic it under the oak tree if you want to?"

"I have work," Kara says, but she’s already shutting her book and turning so Lena’s head is resting on her shoulder. "Some of us don't have a big, genius brain to rely on. We actually have to study for school to work out for us."

Lena rolls her eyes, but they bright up afterward in a way that hits Kara hard in the belly. "Some of us are immortal, Ms. Danvers. Trust, half of this will be debunked in a hundred years. Don't waste your time learning things that don't matter."

"It's good to keep yourself occupied," Kara comments, but Lena's already tossing her book in the general direction of her backpack. She's losing this fight no matter what she says. "It helps the time pass faster."

"I can think of a million better ways to pass the time," Lena says. "Using my big, genius brain and all."

Kara laughs. She's half-tempted to ask like what, but the other half of her is afraid of the answer. Particularly if it involves Kara's mouth on Lena's neck. Which she shouldn't even be thinking about. No one brought that up.

"The oak tree sounds great," she goes with. "And I didn't forget my sun protection this time." She shifts again on the couch and Lena lifts her head, their faces close enough Kara could kiss her without even having to move much. She really needs to stop having thoughts like that. It's not good for her sanity. "Lillian's really ramping up, don't you think?" she asks awkwardly. "I haven't seen this much unrest since right after the peace accords."

"She's stirring shit up, but it won't go anywhere," Lena comments, except six vampires have been murdered since the start of the year and there haven't been any repercussions. "I just. I mean. I don't mean to downplay it, and I know it's scary, but we're on the right side of this, and—"

"The right side always wins?"

"It does when it has me," Lena assures her, and it looks like she actually means it. "I mean, I'm just a smarter version of her, aren't I? The curse of having children."

Kara gets her arm around Lena and pulls her in close, considering for a second how to answer that. She knows Lena has a precarious relationship with her family, and it's hard not to stray too far to either side, but Lillian's been as shit as possible to vampires, and it's also hard to ever get on board with that.

Family or not.

"I think you're a lot more than that. But if I had to pick a Luthor to be on my side, it'd always be you, okay?" Lena nods and cuddles closer, and Kara lets her mind drift a moment. She lets herself think of the Krypton settlement, the sound of it burning and her being snatched from her bed, the thought that chaos could ever erupt like that again, and... then she decides thinking about the picnic is better than that.

"Anyway," she says, sucking in a deep breath and perking up, "let's go eat, yeah?"

-

It's a bright, bright day at the park, so Lena offers they can grab a tent from the recreation office.

It's probably since the last time they picnicked, Kara was sunburnt for two weeks, and Lena spent the entire time pouting and over-using the medicated lotion to make it better. Kara did bring her sun-blocker this time, though, so she's not as worried, but she still doesn't turn down the chance to be snugged against Lena.

She could spend all day lounging with her, cuddling to the sound of the wind blowing, face pressed against her hair, fingers curling in whatever shirt Lena's wearing, or making excuses to play with her hands. She's so in love with Lena it hurts to think about it sometimes, but it also feels like it's so much more than that, more than anything physical or pure attraction. She's never experienced with anyone else the way Lena looks at her and talks to her, or how gentle Lena is when she touches Kara. It's as if Kara's this delicate, fragile being that needs to be loved and protected, someone to handle carefully, lest she turns into dust and blows away.

Kara's used to being seen as more beast than she is human, branded as a killer, highlighted for speed and strength in the most negative of ways. And it's like, in a way, Lena's the only person that's ever made Kara feel like she's perfect just the way she is and deserves good things, too.

Not just bad.

"Don't you have super speed?" Lena asks, leaning against the oak tree in her sleeveless shirt and wide-brimmed black hat, watching Kara set up the tent. Kara does have super-speed, but it's one of the first things they were cautioned about during integration—don't use your abilities around the humans, because it scares them. The more that vampires look like them, the more they can be trusted.

She hates mentioning that around Lena, though, hates talking about all the ways she has to blend in and limit herself. And it's not even that Lena wouldn't understand, but that she would. Whenever Kara's brought it up before, it's always sparked a flare in Lena, rage and indignation at how shitty things are. And as much as Kara would like to feel that too, she's just grateful vampires have gotten where they are now.

"I'm immortal, remember?" she says, securing the tent loops in the ground with the stakes, trying not to think negatively about it. "There's no use in moving fast when you've got all the time in the world."

"I guess so. But, I think I'd use my powers all the time if I were a vampire," Lena says, slinking down on the tree a bit more, knee-caps pinking from grazing in the sun too long. "I'd be a thousand times more efficient. Like, could you imagine being a daughter of Alura? I heard all her progeny could fly. I'd love to fly."

"All of her progeny are dead," Kara comments, before she can stop herself, and then adds, quickly, "But yeah, I mean, flying sounds cool. Who wouldn't want to fly?"

"You never talk about your maker much," Lena comments, lifting off the ground now that the tent's set up. "And, you know, not to pry or anything like that, but I'd love to hear about them. Even if they weren't that great or something. After all, Lillian isn't exactly the Hallmark of parents. So, I get it if it isn't the best story."

"Yeah, of course," Kara says, feeling the suns' heat particularly now, like the more they talk about Alura and makers and flying and powers, the more it sears into her skin. "One day, yeah? Right now we have a picnic."

"Yeah, of course," Lena says, then she sucks a breath and smiles as she walks over to join Kara.

It's not much of a picnic, as it turns out, just Kara barely finishing her blood drink and Lena barely nibbling on a sandwich. But Lena tells Kara a little bit about her childhood, about horse-riding and how she spent a lot of time learning how to ride well, but never learned how to look good doing it, never learned how to be impressive enough to compete in anything.

Kara tells her she thinks she looks good, anyway. That she's probably more impressive than she thinks. Then Lena tosses the rest of her sandwich in her bag, waits for Kara to top off her drink, and proceeds to tackle her into a cuddle that's too warm for the hot day. But neither one of them are complaining about it.

"I didn't mean to offend you earlier," Lena says, locking legs with Kara and resting her chin on her shoulder. "I didn't want to invade your space with talking about your maker. I just know we talk about my fucked up family a lot, and I wanted you to know you can talk too."

"I know," Kara says, fingers dancing at the edge of Lena's shirt, mind daring her to slip them underneath the fabric and trail her fingertips up Lena's back. She wonders how Lena might respond to it. Maybe she wouldn't mind. She never seems to mind when Kara explores her skin. Kara's throat feels tight just thinking about it. "It's just a little complicated and I want to figure out the right words first."

"But you do wanna tell me?" Lena asks, nibbling her lip and looking hopeful. "You can trust me."

"I know," Kara says. She decides it's probably not the best time to try anything, so she just rests her hand on the band of Lena's shorts instead. "I'll tell you one day. I swear."

 

Chapter 2

Summary:

thanks everyone for reading and commenting and making me feel comfy having the creative freedom to write some cray shit. hope everyone enjoys!

Chapter Text

The first time Kara saw Lena, she thought she was made of moonlight.

They were in the forest on the outskirts of campus, and it was so dark that Lena first appeared as just a shadow. She looked ethereal almost, unfathomable, like cream in a mist of black smoke. Which would be poetic, maybe, if Kara didn't mean that in literally the most terrifying way possible. It wasn't like a cute scene from a movie where she saw a pretty girl and her jaw dropped. She thought her life was in danger, right up until the moment her eyes adjusted and she realized Lena was just a human.

She'd been trekking home from a long night of gardening in the uni greenhouse, using the world's scariest shortcut as if there weren't vampires foraging in the forest at night. Which left Kara in the awkward position of explaining that she wasn't being nefarious, she just bared her fangs and hissed at Lena because she thought she was... well, a demon.

Lena just smiled at that though, big and wide, then untied her sweat-damp bandana from around her forehead and reversed it as she said, "You thought I was a demon, and your gut reaction was baring your fangs and doing a kitten screech?"

Which made Kara pout, ridiculously, killing machine that she is, and explain that, "Vampires are only kittens insofar that we're the height of apex predators. That wasn't a screech, it was a warning noise, and my fangs were out in defense preparation."

Which, for some reason, made Lena smile even wider and say, "Sure, but that's what cats do whenever you bring out the vacuum cleaner. You know, definitely screams top of the food chain."

And they've been friends ever since.

Honestly, they've had each other's backs through thick and thin right from the start.

Kara stuck around even after Lena admitted her family has a long history of being staunchly anti-vampire, and she comforted Lena after Lena made the decision to cut Lillian off. Lena's been patient enough to stick it out as Kara struggles to let a human in, so Kara figures they'll get through whatever it is they're going through now. They'll cut through the tension and get it all sorted, and she's sure sooner rather than later they'll be back to normal and they can stop acting so unreasonably weird around each other.

They are probably, however, not going to sort it out today. Today they're still weird.

"I'm not just reading too much into it, right? This is... what do you think this is? It's weird, right?" Kara asks, handing her phone over to James as they sit on the park bleachers.

They're waiting for the others to arrive so they can start up a game of basketball, and maybe, hopefully not have it turn into a full-contact sport this time.

But that's always a moot point when it comes to wolves; since they're always aggressive and quick tempered, and always play like it's the last game they're ever going to have in their lives. Which, honestly, is exactly why Kara loves playing with them.

James takes the phone from her hand and only looks at the screen a few seconds before he snorts, brown eyes darting from the phone to Kara playfully. 

Capture 

"You know, she didn't even send me texts like this when we were actually dating," he says, and Kara feels like that's partially a joke, but her heart still swells thinking there's something exclusive about her and Lena. "She likes you, Kara."

"As a friend, yes, I know," Kara says, nodding her head for emphasis. "But friends don't just—"

"No, they don't," James cuts her off, laughing in that way that's mocking and familiar at the same time. Like Kara's being laughed at, but she still feels like she can laugh with him. "Look, Lena's confusing and hard-headed at the best of times, which is why we clashed. But when she likes you, she's clear about it."

"She's not confusing or hard-headed," Kara defends. "You just didn't get her."

"No, I didn't," James shrugs. "But it seems like you do. And it seems like you like her, too. So, what's the hold up?"

He hands her back her phone and Kara twists it in her hands, considering that. She doesn't exactly know how to phrase it, but, "You know how you couldn't tell her you were a wolf, and you felt like that hurt the relationship a bit?"

"Yeah, but everyone already knows you're a vampire, so that shouldn't be an issue, right?"

"That wouldn't be," Kara says, tucking her phone in her bag as she glimpses the others coming. "But there are some things I... There's some stuff I'm not sure I can be honest with her about, and—god, I'm not even sure if she really likes me."

"You're hopeless," James says, shoving her shoulder, smiling wide. "Look, Kara, I love you and you're one of my best friends, but I need you to get it together with this Lena thing. Especially if you're on my team today. We can't have you groaning about being in love while we're trying to win."

"Hey," Kara laughs, shoving him back. "Shut up, whatever, bet I put up more points than you today, anyway."

"Twenty dollars, you're on."

"Make it thirty," Kara says, and then shoves James once more for good measure, before she gets up and skips down the bleachers.

-

"How was basketball today?" Lena asks, later that night. She looks rosy-cheeked and tired, wearing nothing but her black hip-hugger undies and Kara's old Pearl Jam t-shirt. A combination that has Kara taking deep breaths every few seconds. "Did you win?"

"Yah, was fun," Kara slurs around her toothbrush, doing her best to keep her eyes on Lena's face and not like, anywhere else. "My team won most of the games, but I lost a bet with James. Thirty dollars. So, could you spot me money for lunch tomo?"

"I'm gonna murder him, god, and you too," Lena says, rolling her eyes, but Kara just smiles. She says that every week when Kara inevitably loses the bet. It's sort of tradition now.

Lena joins her at the sink after fixing up her hair in a bun, checks her face, rubs her cheeks, and then she grabs her toothbrush like it's the most natural thing in the world, like it's normal that they just... exist together, side by side, doing everyday things. It gets Kara thinking: maybe it is weird that Lena has a toothbrush in her personal bathroom, and maybe James had an actual point, and they did have that moment a few days ago, and then there are all the neck texts. But also, maybe, it's all just a massive coincidence.

"You're coming with me to trivia tomorrow night, right?" Lena asks, inspecting her teeth in the mirror, spot-picking with floss. "It's usually just me and Sam and a straggler, but you haven't met Sam yet, and I think having a vampire might be nice. On the team."

"Yeah, course. I'm a vamp of my word, aren't I?" Kara asks. She thinks about flossing herself but decides it's too tedious. "Besides, you don't need excuses to ask me to hang out, I'd do it just because you want to."

"Oh, cool, then," Lena says, cheeks a little bit rosier like she's blushing. Kara adds that to her list of maybe weird things. "It'll be fun, promise," she goes on, nudging Kara's arm. "Anyway, do you want to cuddle a bit and watch AHS before we head to bed? I'd watch it alone, but this season's scary and I like that you let me maul your arm every time some shit goes down."

"It's because I'm immune to mauling," Kara laughs, knocking shoulders with Lena. "And I hate AHS, but I'm always down to cuddle, so. Sure thing."

"Alright," Lena smiles back. "We can start after I wash my face."

Truthfully, Kara's never seen Lena afraid even once during their horror-watching sessions. But Lena's always snuggly, warm and soft and heavy, and like hell if Kara's ever going to object to having an arm wrapped around her. So, maybe this goes on the list of weird things, too. Maybe the list is dumb and Kara should stop making it.

"Sarah Paulson is so attractive," Lena says, inching backward so her shoulder blade is pressing against Kara's chest. "I mean, so is Angela Bassett. I feel like this show is half me being in love with the actresses, and the other have is trying to figure out if it's actually quality content."

"What a dilemma," Kara says. "Back in my day, we didn't even have these moving picture boxes."

She itches her cheek against Lena's arm and waits for her to laugh, hopes she'll laugh. And she does, but it's right as a body shows up on the screen, burnt crispy and hoisted up. So Lena's laugh is cut off by her twisting up her lips to say, "Ew, that's gross. But also, I don't know, I guess I really appreciate their dedication to the gore."

Kara doesn't mind the gore, but she doesn't know if she appreciates it, and she really doesn't appreciate the idea of spirits or demons zooming around and causing mass havoc. But she appreciates Lena, is the thing, loves watching with her. And like, how could she not, when Lena's nice and positive and encouraging about everything, when she's always the first one willing to right a problem for Kara, when horror shows make her laugh or scream or inspire her to spout off on a twenty-minute rants of why certain things shouldn't happen, getting herself worked up to the point where she apologizes and blushes about it.

Kara's just a little smitten, maybe, just a little bit.

"Looks like this one's ending, still wanna pace them out?" Kara asks.

Lena looks like she considers that for a second, then she squeezes Kara's thigh and asks, "One more?"

-

Kara wakes with such a startle she stops breathing. "Hello," she gasps, kicking her legs in the tangle of blankets around her feet. The room lights up white from outside the window and the shock of it – of the sudden crack of lightning through the air – makes her breathing start up again, twice as fast. It's like being woken up by ice water in the middle of winter, her brain running on instinct and adrenaline, so maybe that's why it takes a second for her to realize someone is calling out her name.

It's so gentle she thinks she's imagining it, but then she remembers watching Netflix with Lena and them falling asleep, and suddenly the body she's curled around feels so obvious she's not sure how she missed it.

"Lena?" she asks, voice muffled in the sound of the rain. She absolutely hates thunderstorms, so she groans miserably as she pulls her head up from Lena's shoulder to look at her face, but when she catches a glimpse of Lena wincing, she freezes. She takes stock of her hands: one is just pressed against the mattress, which is good, but the other one is planted against Lena's ribs. It could be nothing, but Kara can still feel the rush from how fast she snapped awake, and she might have gripped Lena without even realizing. The blood rushes from her face.  She lifts her hand so she's hovering above Lena's shirt. "Did I squeeze you too hard?"

"A little," says Lena. "But it's okay."

It's not okay. But there's no use in Kara saying that. She swallows past the pit forming in her chest—a mix of shame and guilt—and gently touches her fingertips to Lena's ribs. "Here?"

Lena doesn't need to answer; the way her body flinches says enough. "Yeah, but it's not too bad, just sore."

"You don't have to sugarcoat it," Kara says. "I know how suddenly I woke up."

"It's just the storm. You're always so tense when - it was an accident."

"I know," Kara comforts. Lena's always concerned about Kara before she is about herself, but it truly doesn't matter if it was an accident because this type of situation is exactly what they warn about in integration: it's dangerous to get too close, humans are too delicate, too fragile, easier to hurt than they like to let on. "But you're still hurt." 

"It's only a little," Lena says. "Maybe a bruise."

Kara pulls her hand away and pinches the little space between her eyebrows. She can't help scolding herself because she did get too comfortable with Lena. There's a piece of her that's always known they maybe shouldn't sleep together, but she let her guard down and now she's gotten them in this position. "I'm gonna turn the light on, okay? We'll look at it."

"We don't have to," Lena grunts, shifting and placing her hand on Kara's thigh.

Kara doesn't listen to that. She lifts up and stretches over Lena to flip the switch on the bedside lamp. When she moves back, Lena's blinking up at her with a frown curled on her mouth. "You're not in trouble," she says instantly. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I don't think I'm in trouble," Lena huffs, lowering her hands to pull the hem of her shirt down. "I just know how much you get in your head, and I don't see the benefit of this. You're just going to see it and make it into something it's not."

"If it's a bruise, we should at least ice it," Kara goes with, because the only way to navigate this is rationally. The second she lets any of her emotions slip through, Lena's going to shut herself off to the conversation. "And if it's not so bad, I'll be relieved more than anything, honest."

"Kara, I know you," Lena says. She doesn't need to explain herself.

Kara sighs. "Will you look at it, then? And let me know how bad or not bad it is, so we can make a plan."

"Yeah, when I officially wake up and it's not four in the morning. This can wait."

"No, it can't. You should look now."

"Why?" Lena asks. "It's not like it's going anywhere. I've been hurt worse than this protesting and come out fine."

Which is another thing Kara can blame herself for. It's getting harder to hold it together. Her nerves feel like they're being strummed with a guitar pick, and she can't calm them until she's positive Lena's okay. "But I hurt you." 

Lena groans. "We're not doing this."

"It's bad, isn't it?" Kara asks, and even the rain can't cover the silence that settles between them. "How bad does it feel?"

"It isn't anything I can't get sorted in the morning. We should just go back to sleep."

"Do we need to get in contact with Emergency Services?"

"You're panicking."

"Yes, I'm panicking," Kara says. It's not a yell, but it's loud enough to bounce against the walls in the quiet of the room. "I hurt you so bad you won't even let me look at it, and you're acting like it's not a big deal." Lena opens her mouth, but Kara barrels onward because she knows exactly what Lena's going to counter with. "I don't care if it was an accident; it doesn't make your pain any less real. And I know you're in pain because you keep flinching and you're barely breathing. And pretending nothing's wrong doesn't make me feel calm. I'm sorry," she softens. "I know you're trying not to alarm me, but if it's bad, we can't sit here and do nothing."

"I know," Lena gives in, softening herself, "but we don't have a lot of options, do we?"

"The hospital—"

"Is not a good option," Lena says. And it's true: it was less than a year ago when the story broke about the vamp who was sunflashed in the Emergency Room after admitting to hurting his wife on accident. Kara still thinks about the aftermath of his death, how the riots reminded her so much of Krypton that she had to keep away from the news for weeks. "We can't pretend that Lillian Luthor's daughter being hurt by a vampire isn't something that could start a war. It doesn't even matter that I cut her off. If people - if she knew, it'd just be a catalyst for things."

Lena doesn't even realize just how much of a catalyst it would be. If the world knew about Kara's existence, it'd change so many things. Which only highlights how dumb she is for letting herself end up in this position. She's more than okay with suffering the consequences of her stupid actions, but Lena's right. Lillian would take any chance she got to make this bigger than it already is.

This doesn't just hurt Kara; it hurts every other vamp as well. "Do you think we could say it was something else? Or I could drop you off and disappear. Or—I don't know. There has to be something we can do."

"I know someone, okay? But I can't call them right now. Just give it until the sun comes up."

"Lena," Kara says and hesitates a second because she's not sure how to properly get out what she wants to say next. She's never actually asked someone to drink her blood, but she saw her maker do it once, and she's at least 78% sure what happened will work with her as well. After all, she's supposed to have her maker's blood, so it should have all the same properties. "This is gonna sound weird, as a warning, so don't freak out, but—" She swallows and scans her brain for everything she ever read about Alura after coming from the sleep chamber and decides even if it's a risk, it's worth it. "I think if you drink my blood it might help."

She barely gets a second to process she actually let that leave her mouth, because Lena says, "Okay," right away. "I'm okay with trying anything that helps, but why your blood?"

Kara hesitates, then weakly says, "I'm not sure. My maker did it once and healed someone."

"You've never done it yourself?"

"I've never really interacted with humans," Kara admits. "Not enough to be in this position, at least."

"I guess it couldn't hurt," Lena says, then she swallows. "Could it?"

Kara wants to be reassuring, but she hardly knows enough about herself to be certain. "I don't think so, but—"

"Let's just leave it there," Lena says, grunting as she shifts onto her elbow and tries to lift up.

Kara leans over to help her, stomach twisting in knots as she watches Lena grit her teeth through the pain. A piece of her wants to take it back or say never mind because she knows it's selfish to offer a solution that skirts all the consequences. Lena would heal fast enough they could maybe even pretend it never happened, but where would the lesson be in that? Maybe she doesn't deserve absolution.

Once she's gotten Lena sitting up, Kara lets Lena rest her shoulder against her chest and she listens to her breathe for a few seconds. She trusts Kara even after something like this, and maybe she shouldn't. Maybe the blood is a bad idea.

"It's not fair for me to hurt you, then just offer my blood to make it like it never happened," Kara says. "I'm fine with going in tonight, whatever the consequences are. I should have been more careful."

"Stop being dumb," Lena frowns, nudging Kara's chin with her cheek. "You didn't offer for a selfish reason. And why would we risk you getting hurt if we can help it?"

"I could ask you the same, but I doubt you plan on going back to your room tonight."

"Because you're not dangerous," says Lena, her voice a mix of caring too much and obvious frustration.

Kara doesn't back down. "Right, tell that to your ribs, then."

"I don't have to," Lena tells her. "I'm already convinced that you're not even a little bit dangerous. Not intentionally. It was a weird accident, and this is hardly the first night we've slept together."

"That doesn't make it any better. It just means those other times were reckless too."

"Let's just keep arguing about it instead of acknowledging you offered a fix."

"It's only a fix because—" Kara starts, but gets stuck on the explanation. "I shouldn't get off this easy."

"Why not?" Lena asks. "Why are you so set on being punished right now?"

Kara opens her mouth to say because I deserve it, but it hits her that saying that would only prove Lena's point. Instead, she sucks it up and admits it's not actually the worst idea. Lena wouldn't have to be in pain anymore if it works, and that's more important than Kara's feelings. "Okay, but are you sure?"

"Of course, I am. I'd never think you're dangerous."

"No, I meant about drinking my blood," Kara says, and it feels weird coming out of her mouth. She never considered she'd be in this situation. But, then again, she never considered she'd let herself this close to a human. "I'll do it, but only if you're really comfortable with it."

"I wouldn't have agreed to it if I wasn't," Lena assures. She shifts against Kara, her heart rate doing a noticeable uptick. It reminds Kara of the thing with her neck a few days ago, and it's actually calming thinking this maybe doesn't cross into the realm of weird for Lena. "Besides, I wouldn't be excited going through the healing process over the next few months, so this definitely ranks higher than the hospital."

Kara finally relaxes and squeezes Lena close. They're friends, they're not weird, they'll get through this, she repeats in her head a few times before she tries to lighten the mood by asking, "And it's not going to make things weird for us, right? I wouldn't want to activate your bloodlust."

Lena laughs. "Not for me, but I'm actually a little curious."

"About how it tastes?"

"No," Lena huffs, elbowing against Kara's ribs. "About how it works. We can stick with blood being your thing."

"It's not like I have a choice," Kara says, smiling as Lena tucks her nose under her jaw. "Do you have a preference how we do it? I was thinking I could just pierce my wrist. I don't know if it requires a lot, but we can play it by ear."

"I'm just following your lead," says Lena, then she asks, "Did your maker not explain it to you? Lillian was like that, too. If it helps, we can find an older vamp that could act like your mentor or something. Is this something all vampires can do?"

Kara isn't sure if it's a vampire thing or a her thing. It'd be good to keep it concealed if it was everyone, but she doesn't think she's ever heard other vampires mention it even when they're alone. Besides, would that vamp have brought his wife to the E.R. if he could? Kara doesn't know, genuinely, so she goes with, "I'm not sure. I was brought up pretty isolated, so there's a lot I don't know."

"Oh," Lena says, then right away clarifies, "We don't have to talk about your upbringing. I know you keep it close to yourself."

"I hurt you and asked you to drink my blood. I think you get to have your questions answered."

"You've been hesitant for two years. An accident doesn't need to force you out of your comfort zone. I'm fine waiting."

"I know, but it's—" It hits Kara then that Lena's still in pain. They can have this conversation later, but right now they should actually do something about her ribs. "Okay, we can come back to it."

She can sense Lena's smiling. "Not sure why you even try to argue at this point."

Kara rolls her eyes but she's smiling too. "I'm only giving in because you're in pain. Otherwise, this would be the one I win."

"Let's just do it before you start something else you can't win."

"Whatever," Kara says. She takes a slow breath in and exhales a slow breath out, then she does it again and then again because she's nervous. This is Lena and she loves Lena and she hurt Lena and it's all going to be okay, and that part she's having an easier time wrapping her head around. But now it's settling in she's going to have Lena's mouth on her, and that opens an entirely different can of worms.

"It might taste weird, but swallow as much as you can, alright?"

"Mhm," Lena hums. "Don't worry about me. I'm okay if you're okay. The worst case is I drink your blood for nothing."

"I know, I just - I'm worried."

"I'm the one who worries about you, remember?"

Kara sighs and looks up at the ceiling. It feels like she's in confession when she says, "I can't get used to that. I've always had this sense that I mess everything up, and maybe it's me being full of myself thinking I'd be at the center of ruining everything, but—" ever since she came out of the sleep chamber she's had this sinking feeling she'd be the one to undo all the progress they've made. She can't imagine what the response would be if people knew about her existence. And maybe that's why this thing with Lena gets her twisted up in knots so much. "—it feels true somehow."

"It's not," Lena says, like it's as simple as that.

Maybe it's better if Kara lets herself believe that. At least for tonight. She lifts her wrist to her mouth and bites into it, deep into the flesh until she tastes the blood seeping out. "Only if you're sure," she says again, offering her arm to Lena.

Lena lifts her head from Kara's chest and pulls Kara's arm towards her face, then she says, "Okay, maybe it is a little weird," hesitating for a second. Kara only manages to get out a small laugh though, before Lena presses forward and licks the blood trailing down her wrist.

Her chest locks up the second she feels Lena's tongue. She can't take a breath in or out, so she's stuck frozen, watching as Lena latches on to her arm. She can't remember ever having anyone's mouth this close to her, actually on her body. And she's fully aware of how the inside of her own mouth feels, but Lena's is different somehow - warmer, softer, wetter, fuck. Kara can't even pretend she's not into it or look away or do any of her usual things to hide how she feels, because Lena's so close and her mouth is on Kara, sucking at her skin for what feels like ages before Kara can feel her letting up, breathing easier. She must be healed.

"Oh, wow, think it worked," Lena says, pulling away and letting Kara's arm go. And it's over, just like that. Lena looks down and lifts her shirt and there's no sign of bruising on her ribs when she looks up to reassure Kara. "That's amazing. It's like magic."

Kara's still having trouble finding her breath. Lena must notice because she lets her shirt fall and sinks against Kara again, gives her a second to shake it off, to process that everything in the past ten minutes actually happened.

"Okay, so maybe I am developing a taste for blood," Lena giggles, wiping her mouth off with the back of her hand.

If Kara were literally anyone else, she'd just go for it: she'd tilt Lena's head back and kiss her, lick inside her mouth, confess a million things and apologize for it later. But she's been reckless enough as it is tonight, so she lets her shoulders relax and closes her eyes, instead. 

"Pretty sure that doesn't surprise a single person in existence."

"You've never met my mom," says Lena.

"Yeah, well, let's just hope I never have to," Kara laughs, "Think there's a whole list of reasons that'd go wrong."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Lena hums, then she tugs on Kara's shirt so they can sink into a cuddle again. Kara reaches over her to flick off the lamp once they're lying down, and Lena snuggles deep into the curve of Kara when she gets settled. "We're okay," she says. "I promise."

"I know," Kara says, and she truly believes that, but she still stays awake the rest of the night, just to be sure Lena's safe.

-

 

"Um, m'pretty nice, I think," Kara slurs, twisting her glass bottle around in her hands, listening to it scratch across the wooden table. She's supposed to tell Sam three interesting things about herself before the trivia starts, but she's coming up short. She swears it has nothing to do with Lena's head casually resting on her shoulder, or with her brain still skipping over the feel of Lena's mouth on her wrist this morning. It maybe has a little bit to do with being too drunk. "And I'm a people person, and I have a nice singing voice, and. Oh. That's three isn't it?"

"That's adorable, you're adorable," Lena says, reaching up and flattening out her hand on top of Kara's hands, a sneaky way to grab Kara's bottle since she's instantly distracted by the contact. 

She's wearing eyeliner and mascara and burgundy lipstick tonight, and she's sitting close enough that Kara can smell her perfume and shampoo, and even the hints of her toothpaste since she brushed her teeth right before they headed out. She feels so attuned to Lena sometimes; she can't get enough of her, even though there's rarely a week they don't spend most of every day together.

"Alright," says Lena, "let's see what BAC we're at tonight." She twists the bottle around and studies it, obviously upset with something from the way she's clenching her jaw. "I haven't seen you this disoriented since Laurie's party when she did the blood mixing weird."

"S'not high, I swear," Kara defends, but Lena's already shifting her pretty mouth into a pretty frown. Kara would very much like to kiss it back happy. Or just make her happy with her impressive skills. She's been up the past twelve hours studying trivia since it's Lena's favorite night at the bar. Her confidence may be correlated with her drunkenness, but she's convinced she'll get them a win tonight and that's at least half the battle. "I'll still bring us home a win, so it's no worries."

"I'm sure you will," Lena says, dropping one of her hands to Kara's thigh and squeezing a bit, pretty much making her words incomprehensible, "but this is a .45 and you've already drank most of it."

"That's good isn't it? Bartender said it's what all the cool vamps 're drinking. Think m'a cool vamp."

"If by good, you mean unethical," Lena says, anger flickering in her eyes, fiery, just like the time she cursed out the waitress for nearly giving Kara human blood without informing her. "You're gonna be sick. This is basically drinking from an animal with alcohol toxicity."

"Isn't that the point?" Kara asks, since alcohol, in its essence, is just a mild form of poisoning. But also, she needs to keep the mood light so Lena doesn't burn the bar down. A blood-beer at .45 probably is too high, but Kara's shit at turning things down when people are adamant she try something. Blend in, be human, be approachable, easy and sociable, flicks through her head. The worst that can happen is she dies a second time, but she doubts spiked blood is enough to do the trick. "We make ourselves sick to be happy?"

"No, that's not the point," Lena says, crease settling between her brows.

Kara sighs. Maybe she is too drunk to handle this. Thankfully, Sam steps in. "You're acting as if we don't have access to Bacardi 151 or Everclear?" she laughs, quirking a brow across the table and nudging Kara's calf with the toe of her shoe to let her know she's on her side. "It's alright if vampires have the means to fuck themselves up just like humans do."

"That's also not the point," Lena says, but the fire in her eyes is starting to dissipate.

It's weird, but Kara loves it when Lena gets worked up over her and she's ready to start shit just for Kara's safety. Kara could lift a car or punch a hole in a building if she wanted, but she feels a special kind of safe whenever Lena steps in front of her if they pass a particularly nasty group of drunken vamp-haters, or if they pass someone on the street with a tasteless staking t-shirt. She likes being protected.

It feels nice.

"It's okay," Kara says, placing her hand on top of Lena's under the table, hoping she'll put her head on Kara's shoulder again. "We can also buy official stakes and handheld sunlamps at ye old local Walmart, so I'm pretty sure too alcoholic blood is the least of vampire worries."

"I know, babe," Lena says, and then she does turn to snuggle her face into Kara's shoulder again, right as Kara feels the tips of her ears start tingling. She's had people call her petnames before, of course, but it's never hit her square in the chest the way it does whenever Lena calls her babe or sweetheart, or anything else indicating Kara's worthy of a delicate name. "I just think it's shit that—"

"Hey," Kara interrupts, leaning over to nudge Lena with her forehead. "Deep red looks really good on your lips, you know. Maybe you'd make a decent vampire after all, with your newly acquired tastes and all."

"Shut up," Lena smiles, but she relaxes and Kara feels like she can breathe again.

 

The bartender announces it's vampire-themed night and Sam's face lights up like the fourth of July, since, apparently, tonight's the night they finally win. Kara's only a bit distracted by Lena, but she tries her hardest to focus on the questions.

It starts off easy enough.

"According to the vampire Book of Lilith, in what year did the vampire-faerie Great War start?" the bartender asks first.

"Do faeries even exist?" Sam asks, smashing a peanut with the side of her hand as a baby-vamp from another team spouts off 300BC.

"Actually, it was 315BC," Kara says, infinitely more focused on her cheek, that's pressed against Lena's soft hair.

The bartender shouts off wrong! And then Sam shouts back, "315BC," and they get the point.

"Dunno, it was way before my time," Kara says, addressing Sam's point, trying not to move her jaw too much so she doesn't agitate Lena. "Wouldn't be completely out of the realm of possibility, though, would it?"

"I'd love to just, hold the Book of Lilith at some point," Lena says. "You know? Like, to think that the vampires that were writing it were able to live long enough ago to know if certain things actually happened, I—" She cuts off and snuggles closer in to Kara. "I just think it'd be cool to hold something like that in my hands."

"So do most vampires," Kara says, wrapping her arm around Lena's waist. Which is entirely more forward than she's used to being, but she'll blame it on the .45. "We'd love to get our hands on it too, but apparently, legally, it belongs to the Smithsonian."

"Spolia," Sam says, pressing her mouth into something sympathetic. She tosses in a peanut and taps her knuckles on the table. "Gotta love the spoils of war. I say you guys storm the Smithsonian and take back what's yours. I'd help in that fight."

Lena sighs, just as the baby-vamp at the other table spouts off something about vampire physiology, and Kara tightens her grip around her waist. They apparently missed an entire question, but who cares when Lena's this close, hugged up to her in public.

"It's not that serious," Kara waves it off, and Lena sighs again, fuller and deeper this time.

Before Kara gets to acknowledge that, the bartender shouts, "Alright, next question," through the microphone. "This is a good one, okay. If we're not including Alura herself, how many members were there in the Daughters of Alura army?"

"Ten," Kara says, not at all meant to be out loud, and Sam shouts ten, and the bartender shouts wrong, and the baby-vamp shouts nine and gets it right, and then Lena lifts her head and looks at Kara a bit funny. "Sorry, think the beer's really getting to me," Kara explains.

Which only gets Lena to squint her eyes at her.

"Get it together, KD," Sam laughs, launching a peanut at Kara's lips. "These vamp questions are all you, babe."

"Sorry," Kara laughs, then again when she looks at Lena, "Sorry, promise I'm paying attention now."

But Lena keeps glaring at Kara for one, two, three seconds, and then finally drops her head again before she says, "Maybe we should both stop drinking. I don't think it's a good idea for us."

Kara agrees.

 

They do actually end up winning, though.

Chapter Text


Some nights Kara has a dream about her past. It's always of the same thing. The same point in time that sticks out like a sore thumb in her memories for no real reason why. She closes her eyes and suddenly it's just her.

It's her before the war and the sleep chamber. Before the peace accords and bottled blood and vampire senators. It's her in the forest again after the settlement burned and she'd just lost everything. Starving and afraid and desperate, staring up at the stars in the night sky and hoping against all odds that she was destined for something greater than the life she was living.

She wasn't sure what something greater would be, exactly, but on particularly bad days she liked to think it meant freedom. She wanted to have the sort of freedom you don't even notice until someone points it out.

She wanted to sing songs around late-night campfires and wear brightly colored clothes and flower crowns. She wanted to laugh too loud and never care who was around to hear her. She wanted safety and family and food security, and someone to love and hold hands with on pretty nights. It was the only fantasy she can ever remember having, but she never in a million years thought it would actually come true.

So some nights she feels like her chest is constricting. Some nights she wakes up gasping for air and blinking the dots out of her pupils in the darkness of the room. Because some nights she closes her eyes and remembers those moments, painful and vivid and uninvited, when the world felt like it was turning too fast for her to catch her breath. When she couldn't even imagine a world where she just existed and no one cared about that. When even Alura, herself, would stare at the moon with nothing but sadness in her eyes.

When all she had to go on, her only saving grace, was her will to survive and the smallest bit of hope. Some nights she closes her eyes and she remembers when nothing ever felt right in the world. And now, unfathomably, she somehow has Lena.

-

"The moon is so bright tonight," Kara says, looking up and blinking away the haze in her eyes so the stars stop blurring together. 

"Yeah," Lena agrees, smiling. Then she blinks up at Kara and Kara's knees feel like they're giving out underneath her. "It's really pretty tonight."

Kara nods her head at that, biting her lip to hold her words back. It takes a lot of restraint for her not to say something dumb or ruin the moment or keep her drunk mouth from spouting off every single thing that she likes about Lena. They're walking home slow with their fingers laced together, and whenever Kara isn't thinking don't trip, don't trip, don't fall she's thinking maybe tonight is the perfect time to finally tell Lena she's falling in love with her. Which, isn't even true, considering she's been in love with her for quite some time now.

"It's nice when it's full," Lena goes on. The cicada's singing in the trees are somehow louder than the whoosh of the cars on the street in the background. "When I was in high school, I went camping in Anza Borrego State Park during the wolf moon, and it was such a magical experience."

"We should go sometime," Kara thinks out loud, letting the natural tilt of her drunk equilibrium press her against Lena's shoulder. "Camping, yeah? Or just like, stargazing or something. I used to do that all the time."

"You like looking at the stars?" Lena asks.

"I like looking at them when I'm with you," Kara admits. Her mind flits through the handful of times she can match stargazing with something positive, and it's always been with Lena. "I always feel like there's something special about it when we're together."

"Yeah. Me too," Lena says. Kara's mind starts racing trying to figure out what that could mean. She knows what it mean for her, but she can't be sure it's what it mean for Lena. But that's a conversation for another time, maybe.

"I was a little nervous about trivia," Kara says, changing the subject.  "But I don't think I've ever been happier than when they gave us the trophy after winning. I don't think I've ever won anything before."

She holds up the trophy in her hand. The light from the moon bounces off the bright gold and makes it look more distinguished than it is. It's really just six inches worth of cheap, Party City plastic. But to Kara, it represents the fact that she was useful tonight. It represents something she can't quite put her finger on, but she knows she never wants to let it go.

"I got you smiling like a dork in at least a dozen pictures. I'm gonna put it in my scrapbook so I can make fun of you in ten years," Lena says, pressing into Kara and cuddling her bicep like she wants to fuse them together. She feels so warm at Kara's side. "We can put the trophy on the nightstand so we can have a reminder of how we dominated every time we wake up."

"We can win a bunch and build a statue," Kara says, palming the trophy in her hand again like it's actual gold. "Honestly. Between me and you, we could be unstoppable. Undefeatable Trivia Night Champions."

"We will be unstoppable," Lena corrects, pulling them to a halt as the numbers count down to a red hand on the cross light. She snuggles in more and hums as she says, so low Kara nearly misses it, "Stick close to me, alright?"

Kara just hums back, happy and content, because she'll always stick close to Lena. Then she notes the officer standing next to them and the other two on the surrounding corners, and she wonders why there have to be so many of them so close together. It seems like a waste of funds, or at the very least poor allocation.

The entire initiative is a waste, if Kara's being honest, and she was someone that was on board with the proposition. The Night Patrol Initiative was never a bad idea in theory. Having officers on each corner to monitor the campus at night seemed like a great idea for safety, and an even better idea for making sure drunken students could get home safely. Except, that's only what it was sold as, and not what it turned out to be.

Now, everyone is well aware the NPI is really a State-Funded Patrol for Wicked Vampire Activity initiative. One that employs vamp-hating extremists and allows lethal weapons and fosters an all-means necessary to subdue innocent vampires culture. But Kara must have forgotten that somewhere between the first sip of her beer tonight and her last. Because, without really thinking about it, she leans in close to the officer standing next to them and lifts her trophy in front of her to show off her accomplishment.

"We got first place in trivia tonight," Kara informs her. Lena gets an arm around her waist and snatches her back so fast she actually loses her breath. "You okay, Lee?" she asks, confused and a bit stunned.

Lena doesn't respond to her question, but she squeezes Kara's waist like she's reminding her she's there. Then she looks at the officer and says, "Excuse us, sorry. She had a little to drink. But we're on our way home. She's legal, by the way."

"It's okay," the officer says. Her brown skin is beautifully lit in the moonlight. Kara wants to tell her that, but Lena's hand is fisting in her shirt and she can sense that Lena's sort of... scared? "But, not all of us are okay with vamps in our personal space."

Lena's eyes follow the officer's head nod to another officer across the street, and Kara's eyes trace the outline of Lena's jaw and her neck and the way she swallows a thick lump before she says, "I know, she's just excited. But harmless, really. She's just feeling a little too friendly tonight."

"Yeah, I'm like a kitten. It's what Lena says." Kara smiles, letting her fangs flex out. "Even got my canines... or is it felines," she wonders out loud, beaming proudly at Lena because she made a funny.

But Lena apparently doesn't find the joke as funny as Kara does. Kara's smile fades on reflex as Lena steps around her and positions between Kara and the officer, inching them further away as the opposing cross-section light turns yellow.

"You might want to put those away," the officer says, which makes Lena's heart rate spike.

It makes no sense at all because the officer isn't escalating. She's being friendly, calm and relaxed, and Kara only wants to talk to her and show her the trophy and her kitten fangs and that's all okay, she thinks.

It's harmless, just like Lena said.

"It's okay, I'm really harmless," Kara says, trying her best to step around Lena and get close to the officer again. She just wants to show her.  Vampires aren't all bad. There's no reason for this moment to be so tense. "You could even touch them, my fangs. They won't hurt you, honest."

But the officer looks at Lena, and Lena tightens her hand on Kara, and then there's like, this weird-eerie feeling that settles between the three of them. Kara can feel it settling inside of her. So. She finally decides maybe she should just retract her fangs.

"She just gets excited sometimes," Lena explains, and Kara can't figure out what went wrong, how this moment got away from them so fast. She just wanted to show off her trophy. She wasn't being a threat. "Sorry," Lena says again. Then she turns to grab Kara and starts dragging her away, stumbling her across the street so fast Kara nearly trips several, several, so many times.

"Lena, wait," she says, overwhelmed and a little confused because everything feels so clumsy and she can't properly right herself so the toes of her shoes keep scuffing on the ground. "It's okay. It's a nice night. We can go slow."

"Please. Just walk, Kara," Lena says, and it feels like Kara's in trouble.

She can feel her ears tingling because she can't figure out what she did that was so wrong. But she can tell from Lena's face it was obviously bad, so she does her best to stay quiet as they walk the rest of the way back.

It doesn't get any better once they get home, though. Lena drags them both to Kara's room and lets Kara go, and then she barely even looks at Kara as she paces back and forth in front of her, wringing her hands together. Kara wishes she would just yell at her or tell her off, or say whatever it is that Kara did wrong. But she doesn't; she just keeps pacing and pacing, until she finally shoves her hands through her hair and storms off toward the bathroom, and shuts the door. Then, Kara hears the water start running.

And then she hears Lena start crying.

And her heart, it just - it sinks. Both because she fucked up, obviously, and because somewhere along the walk-drag home she accidentally snapped the stem of the trophy, so now it's in two pieces in her hand and she really, really keeps messing up. 

She wants to go in the bathroom and say sorry I keep messing things up for us, maybe it's best if I just go. But even more than that, she wants to hug Lena. She wants to hug her until she feels dizzy from how close they are, from Lena's smell and her softness and her presence in general, but she can't do that. She doesn't know how to do that, how to do it without messing up. Because she's drunk and it's late and she feels exhausted and defeated and overwhelmed, and maybe if she could just fix the trophy, then it would all be okay again.

So she goes with that, busies herself with finding their Gorilla super glue and getting it set up on the kitchen counter. She even gets the paper down underneath it and makes sure she opens a window so she doesn't get stingy eyes from the glue fume. Then she places everything carefully, tongue stuck to her top lip as she tries her best to get it perfectly lined up without getting it sticky on her fingers.

And once she's done, she brings it back into the room, and Lena's just… standing there. Waiting. She's staring at Kara with her messy black hair and smudged eyes, her smeared lipstick, and her cheeks that are still splotched with red from her crying.

She looks so sad, and Kara can't help feeling like this whole thing is her fault.

"Um, I fixed it," she tries, holding up the trophy with one hand while shoving her free hand in her pocket and looking down at the floor. Because that's just what she does around Lena. "Sorry about tonight, ruining it."

"You didn't," Lena says, and Kara nearly looks up, but she still feels ashamed. She still feels the weight settling in her chest from how thick Lena's voice sounds. "It's my fault, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you have the rest of the drink, and then it all happened so fast. And you could've gotten hurt, and I – Kara I know you just want to make friends, but—"

"I'm a vampire, I know," Kara says, feeling like, maybe if she could, she'd just let herself sink through the floor and the ground and all the way through the earth, down to hell where they say she belongs. "I'm dangerous and I break things and hurt my friends, and—"

"No," Lena says, and she's so close now that Kara stops breathing. Her voice isn't sharp anymore like it was outside, and for some reason that makes Kara feel so small, so fucking breakable. And it only gets worse when Lena pulls her into a tight hug, presses her face against Kara's shoulder, and says, "No, that's just what they think about you," so gently that Kara's breath snags in her throat. "And it just - it scares me because that's how they'll treat you, and sometimes it's a little like you don't realize that."

"I do," Kara says weakly, chest still heavy for some reason.

"I don't know," Lena huffs, hands twisting in Kara's shirt so hard they're shaking. Or maybe she's twisting them hard because they were already shaking. "Sometimes I think maybe you think they're all like me, and I wish they were, honestly, but they aren't and vamps get hurt every day because of it. Like, fuck, just, on this campus alone, three have been sun-flashed in the past month by night patrol for like, existing or being drunk or standing too close. And I was scared for you, Kara, not because of you. I just wanted to get you home safe, but you're so tall and clumsy and curious and it's cute when it's just me, but. I was panicking, and I'm sorry."

"Oh," Kara says, letting her hand fall with the trophy in it because it feels so insignificant now. She wraps her other arm around Lena's back and lets her face settle against her hair. "I know they, I know. But sometimes I think, like, maybe if I'm nice enough, it'll change their minds."

"Kara," Lena whispers, pulling her in tighter. "It doesn't work that way, I'm sorry."

And Kara knows that, somewhere deep down she knows that. She's been through the bad shit. She's been through the bad shit. But they're so close, so fucking close she can smell the equality in her morning cup of blood. So close that vampire senators, plural, have been elected and there was buzz at one point about one running for president. So close that sometimes they even get justice in high-profile discrimination cases, and yet. They're just. They're so far away. And she's normally so good at realizing that, and she usually doesn't get her hopes up, but tonight it felt like she actually has Lena, and if she could have someone like her, then—

It's all just so fucked.

"I think I'll grab something from the fridge," Kara says. She doesn't really want to let go of Lena, but she also doesn't want to think about things being fucked, so. She pulls away and excuses herself. 

She walks out of the room, through the living area, and then she's just. In the kitchen. Alone and sad with her stupid fucking trophy and all the hope she had for shit being better splashed in her face. And she's just so... dumb, is what she is. Things are better than before, she knows that. She keeps telling herself that. Keeps telling herself at least vamps aren't being murdered at high rates while everyone laughs about it.

At least there aren't public viewings of vampire burnings that people take their children to, or comics printed weekly about them dying and being the joke of the week. And she knows vamps have done fucked up shit, too, she knows. She knows the Peace Accords only came after the Daughters of Alura murdered so many humans it shook the world to its core.

But she also knows they had no choice, and that vampires have been peaceful despite what history sells. They were cornered into defending themselves and setting an example of what actual violent vampires looked like, but. Maybe Alura was wrong. Maybe when she put Kara in the sleep chamber and told her there was something she needed to do, and that Kara would wake up and things would be better, she was wrong.

Maybe she was wrong.

Maybe she didn't make things better. Maybe she just crapped it up even more, Kara thinks, defeatedly, and then toes the little mechanism on the trashcan that makes the lid pop open so she can throw the stupid fucking trophy away.

But then she hears Lena's voice, and it's amazing how much of her tension melts off instantly.

"Don't throw it out. We're putting it on the nightstand, remember? Or, if you don't want it, I'll take it."

"I broke it," Kara mumbles, flipping it in her fingers, not sure why all her frustration is being channeled into a piece of plastic that already has chips in the #1 black paint on the front. But she is and she hates this trophy and all she wants is to throw it away, so she turns around and says, "It's upsetting me."

For some reason Lena's eyes get bigger, so Kara reflexively lifts her shoulders and shrinks herself, in case she's being too threatening. Then, a bit unexpectedly, Lena says, "You were crying?"

"No," Kara says, but when she wipes her face, there's blood on her shirt sleeve. So, maybe she was.

"It's alright," Lena says, holding out her hand, keeping herself back like she's letting Kara come to her. Which makes Kara feel small and breakable again. And, honestly, a bit validated.

"Sorry, m'like, tired and still drunk and not having a good time right now."

"That's okay," Lena whispers, taking a small step forward, but still keeping her hand outreached. "Let's get you changed and we can go to sleep and the night will be over. We can even wake up early and read books on your favorite library couch until we fall asleep and get kicked out again."

"Yeah?" Kara asks.

"Yeah," Lena says, and Kara takes her hand.

She let's Lena lead her to the room, press her down on the bed, and wipe her face with a warm towel. She even lets her pick out an old t-shirt from her closet and unbutton the shirt she has on. Then there's a charged moment between them, because Kara's never properly had her shirt off in front of Lena, and it feels a little like Lena's staring.

"What's that?" Lena asks, pointing at the spot on the left side of Kara's ribcage, right underneath her bra. "Do you have a brand? Did someone put that on you?"

"No," Kara says, looking down at the red star design on her otherwise clear skin. "If it were a brand, it'd heal, I think? I'm pretty sure it's just a birthmark."

"You were born with an octagram?" Lena asks, brow creasing. "When you were human?"

"A what?" Kara asks, actually smiling a little, because Lena's so smart. "No, I didn't have it as a human and then I died, but when I was reborn it's just... it's always been there. I don't know what an octagram is."

"It's an eight-pointed star," Lena says, and she smiles back as she rolls her eyes, sitting on the bed across from Kara. Then she sets the t-shirt beside her instead of helping Kara put it on. "You have a perfectly drawn eight-pointed star on your ribcage, and your best guess is a birthmark? What am I gonna do with you?"

Kara wants to say something dumb like, anything you'd like, but she holds it in. She's good.

As far as the birthmark, she's really unsure. She asked Alura once, but she didn't really give a straightforward answer. She just said all the Daughters had it. "I dunno, no one really ever told me, just woke up and had it. It's like, not important? Though. I've had it forever and barely notice it's there."

"Can I touch it?" Lena asks. "Is that okay?"

"Of course," Kara says, because what else is she supposed to say.

"Cool," Lena says, and then she crawls forward so she's on side of Kara and lifts her brow in a question one last time. Kara nods, smiles awkwardly, nods again, and then Lena touches it.

It's not a super huge deal at first, like her hand is soft and warm and Kara's heart is in her throat—right where she can feel herself swallow, it's pretty much lodged there—but that's all par for the course. The weird part comes a few seconds later when heat radiates from Lena's fingertip and spreads through Kara's ribs, her chest, her diaphragm, so fast it knocks the air clear from her lungs. It just keeps building, intense and overwhelming, rolling through Kara in waves so thick she drops her head, grips the sheets, licks her lips and mouths oh god.

Lena pauses at that, blinking up at Kara through her lashes.

"Are you okay?" she asks, but she's not really taking her finger off the star, so all Kara can do is hum and bite hard into her lip, swallowing down the saliva pooling in her mouth as she tries and fails to clear her head. It hurts a little, the energy of it, like it's hot and lingering underneath her skin, but it also feels like she can't get enough of it. It's sobering her up just to drag her back down. Her mind feels muddled, foggy from the lack of air she's getting, so it takes every ounce of willpower she has to crane her neck and look at Lena, to focus her eyes and get a clear picture of her pretty fucking face.

But once she does, she gets the feeling that... Lena feels it too? Mostly because Lena's flushed and nibbling her own lip, and staring intensely at her hand. Her pupils are so wide that the green in her eyes is mostly black.

She's also just, not stopping.

Which isn't technically the worst thing in the world, because it feels fucking amazing. But it absolutely is the worst thing in the world, because it feels fucking amazing. The longer it goes on, the more the heat feels, like. Focused. Concentrating in Kara's head and chest and... between her legs. It's dumb and weird and she doesn't know why it's happening, but she can't stop moving her hips on the sheets, everything going from good to great to pleasurable, like her brain's clicked off and the only thing that makes sense is closing her eyes and getting some sort of friction.

It's such a fast, such a sudden shift, that she keeps feeling her breath catch, keeps stuttering and gasping, tripping over the sounds until she's not sure what she's mumbling. And Lena's thumb is relentless, never stopping; she keeps tracing slow and steady across Kara's skin, and there's wave after wave after fucking wave shooting through Kara's body, thrumming like a pulse, like the shift of the ocean during a tsunami, like a volcano erupting lava, like - jesus fuck. Kara's pretty sure she comes. If that's the proper word for it.

She's, um, never even had an orgasm before. She doesn't think. But her entire body contracts and her breath gets sucked out of her. Then she slumps forward as her thighs shake, and suddenly the heat in the room is gone. She feels cold and weird and her head is too clear to not be embarrassed by what just happened, but yeah. Here they are. Sitting in the world's most awkward moment.

She doesn't really know what to say after that, but she says yes when Lena asks if she's okay again, and then this weird thing happens where neither one of them acknowledges it.

They just sort of. Go to sleep.

-

 

Kara's pretty sure her life is over.

She's barely even two hundred years old, hasn't even reached the first significant power increase for vampires yet, and she's pretty sure it's ended. Hell, she hasn't even graduated college for the first time and she's somehow gone and fucked up her whole entire future.

Things were going well: vampires are integrated, way safer than they were before, holding positions of power, living their dreams, with laws in place to protect them. Something that was so wholly unfathomable for Kara a hundred years ago, that her chest swells up just thinking about it. Things were going well for her, too: her life is normal, it's promising and free, and she has friends and food and family and Lena.

Well, she had Lena, maybe, but now she's gone and done that weird thing, a split second of letting herself go, and it was all it took to burst the precarious bubble they were standing on. She knows it's true, because Lena left bed early this morning. She left before Kara woke up, and didn't bother shaking Kara or nudging her or doing anything to let her know hey I'm heading out. And now it's two in the afternoon and Lena's still not back, and she hasn't even texted about the late lunch they had planned together. 

So, Kara's pretty sure this is it.

She keeps thinking about it, dwelling on it. Pacing the kitchen and living room and entire fucking apartment, because there's nothing else that can occupy her mind. There's this feeling she has in her chest, one that keeps sinking lower and lower and convincing her that she's messed things up beyond repair, and it keeps getting worse throughout the day. It feels overwhelming, suffocating, like she'd do anything in the world, anything at all, just to take what she did back and have Lena call her again.

But she can't. She can't take it back, and she can't figure out what to do. And some part of her recognizes that maybe she's overreacting, being dramatic, but she also can't get her mind to start wrapping around that thought.

In the end, she decides to visit Alex.

It's the last thing she imagined she'd be doing, especially since it's been so long since they've talked, and the last time did not end well. But she's at the end of a catastrophic spiral of what ifs and can't think of a better plan. So, whether she likes admitting it to herself or not, she knows that Alex was always good with things like this. And Kara's willing to swallow down whatever hurt feelings she has about her and admit that she really does need her right now. Because sometimes she really does need her sister.

She's still probably going to give Alex shit, to be fair, but Alex also sort of deserves that.

-

"It's amazing, isn't it? The different drinks they've come up with," Alex asks, and Kara squints at the sun behind her aviators before she finally takes a sip of the blood wine in her hand, swishing it around in her mouth for a second before wishing she could spit it out.

She doesn't, though, because she's civilized, and they're standing half-in Alex's garage and it's probably not a good idea to stain the ground and start multiple fights. "It's a little bit disgusting, actually," she mumbles.

"It tastes better chilled," Alex comments, grabbing the glass bottle from her hand, and Kara quirks a brow behind her glasses. "They put some sweeteners or something in it, I don't know. It's bad when it's warm. But—"

"I'm not here to talk about wine sweeteners," Kara says, as dry as she possibly can.

"Okay. Well," Alex says back, and Kara realizes suddenly that she's getting nowhere if she tries to go toe-to-toe with Alex on maintaining a not-giving-a-shit attitude.  "I'm not in the mood to take any more shit from you. So, you're going to listen to me today, and I plan on making you do that one way or another until you get it through your big head that things are not okay."

"You want another war, right? That's the gist of it."

"No." Alex twists her mouth up like she intends to say something mean, but instead, she just goes with a milder, "What I want is for you to shut up so I can talk about how we need to protect ourselves."

"By starting a very visible vampire army? Good job, you've put more targets on our backs."

"Oh god, here we go." Alex runs her hand over her face, through her hair, clenching her jaw and breathing shallowly, like Kara's the one being frustrating. "Shit, Kara, you're Alura's last fucking progeny—have you ever stopped to think that there's a reason she didn't let you go to war with them? That there's a reason you're still here?"

Kara shrugs. Maybe she has, and maybe she hasn't. "Because she knew I'd think it was a crap idea and not help out."

"Sure," Alex nods, and god, even her body movements feel like an attack. "Or maybe she knew she needed to leave someone to lead once she was gone. Maybe she knew vampires would need—"

"For the thousandth time," Kara yells, cutting her off because she can't listen to this for another second. "I'm not helping you lead your crusade to get all vampires murdered, so would you just stop asking and actively ruining our relationship? Please. I don't want to do it. I won't do it."

"Fine," Alex says, firm and clipped, hesitating a second before she softens and says, "Fine. Fine. You have a good point, you do. It's just, not an army, by the way, it's a coalition. But why did you call me?"

"It's nothing," Kara says, shoving her hands in her pockets. "I'm just gonna—"

"Please, come on. It's important, you came all this way."

Right, fuck, ugh. It is important, and Alex is both the only one she can mention it to, and the one that would give the best advice. "It's just that Lena and I—"

"Luthor?" Alex asks, like the name is sand in her mouth. "The family that was integral in bringing down Alura, but—"

"Christ, whatever, I'm leaving."

"No, I'm sorry," Alex says, putting the glass down and running to grab Kara's hand. "If you trust Lena, I'll stand out of your way and still be there if things go wrong. Let me worry about you, I'm your sister."

Which, fine. God. Fine. "She's different, okay? And like, god it's so stupid, but we were hanging out and touching a little, not even that much, but it felt really good and I got pretty into it, and then I accidentally like... you know? and we haven't talked since."

"Did you orgasm?" Alex asks, and it's such an ugly word and that's such an ugly smirk on Alex's face.

"If you want to call it that, it's your prerogative." 

"You need to talk to her about it."

"I know," Kara says.

"We need to talk more, too. Without yelling or insulting or pushing each other away."

"I know," Kara says.

And then, for the first time in probably a year, she hugs her sister.

-

So, Kara's going to talk to Lena about last night. She spends the next hour waiting at home in the living room for Lena to get back. And when Lena finally does, Kara just walks straight up to her, right between the kitchen and the open space with the couches, stands stiff as a board, and looks her in the eyes, and they. Both apologize at the same time.

Which is weird because Lena didn't do anything wrong. "No, um," Kara starts to clarify, tugging at the collar of her shirt because she's nervous. "Last night, you. We didn't say anything, but I think we both know this thing happened, and—"

"Yes, I know," Lena says, shoulders sinking. "And I'm so sorry, I swear. I've been thinking about it all day, and. I'm just. I'm so sorry, okay? I didn't mean for it to..." She clears her throat and looks so forlorn. "I don't know how to describe it and not be weird or something."

Kara isn't even sure why Lena's apologizing, but she’s curious so she says, "Just try and I'll understand. It's me, Lee. I get you."

"I know," Lena says, twisting her hands together. "I know, I just. Last night. I knew, like, on some level what was happening. But I couldn't. I wasn't sure. I can never be sure with you. And I figured you'd just tell me if it was too much, but you didn't, and—"

"Because it wasn't," Kara says, chest so full it feels like she's suffocating, because she's openly admitting to Lena it wasn't a miscommunication that she didn't speak up about it being too much. Because it wasn't too much. "It wasn't, honestly. I was just scared I was being too weird."

"You weren't too weird, you were perfect," Lena says, and Kara can see the blood flooding to her cheeks and her chest, and even her forearms as she twists her hands together. “I guess I’m mostly just sorry for making you feel weird.”

Kara smiles down at her hands, and then looks up at Lena again because it’s just like Lena to be so focused on Kara’s feelings that she completely misses the point of what’s happening. But maybe Kara can say the same for herself: she’s thinking so desperately about how much she wants to kiss Lena that she doesn’t even notice Lena’s moving until Lena’s right in her space, twisting her hands in the material of Kara’s shirt.

“Just to be clear, you can tell me if this is weird,” Lena says.

“Yeah, okay,” Kara says, and then she shocks herself by leaning in and kissing Lena first. It happens like a reflex, something she’s programmed to just do, and she’s guessing it shocks Lena too, because she gasps against the kiss before she sinks into it. It feels so good to have this moment, like they've pushed past something big to get here. So Kara kisses Lena with more confidence than maybe she should have considering she's never done this before, but it feels like second nature when it's Lena's mouth that she's exploring. She tangles her fingers in Lena's hair and tilts her head back, thinking god, it's finally happening as she opens her mouth and licks out at Lena's lips.

She wants to kiss Lena slow and have it be romantic like the movies. Instead, she just feels messy and uncoordinated, too eager, but Lena's eating it up like it's the best kiss she's ever had, sneaking her hands underneath Kara's shirt and dragging her blunt nails against her skin. It's a lot of touching all at once, enough to make Kara's brain feel like it's flitting in and out of focus. And maybe she can chalk it up to that, or maybe it was always going to be a surprise, but her fangs suddenly popping out catches her entirely off guard. "Oh," she says, at the same time Lena mumbles fuck, but she doesn't get another word in because Lena starts kissing her again. 

It feels more intense now, Lena pressing in hard and not giving Kara a chance to think or catch her breath. She's pretty sure she punctured Lena's lip, but she doesn't get a second to process that until she actually tastes Lena's blood in her mouth. The taste hits her like an emotion, or something deeper than that; a memory. Kara once took Sensation and Perception, and a girl said Jello-O salad always made her happy when she tasted it because it reminded her of church potlucks she attended as a kid.

That's what Lena's blood is like for Kara, like it's kicking up a memory she didn't know she had. It makes her happy the second it hits her tongue — shoots her brain back to Krypton and burying her head in old books and folklore. It's sweeter than the blood she gets in the bottles and better than any animal she's ever tasted. It's like the way older vamps used to describe faerie blood, and Kara's always thought those were just tales, but now that she's tasting Lena she knows there's definitely something better than what she's used to. It feels dangerous almost, letting herself indulge even the little bit that she is now.

Against everything that she's feeling right now, she pulls away. "I made you bleed," she says in a quiet rasp. She almost forgot what it feels like to talk. "I don't want to keep - I wish I could stop hurting you. Even if it's not on purpose."

Lena rests her face against Kara's shoulder. Her hair smells like Kara's shampoo, and it's not like that's out of the ordinary, but it feels different now that they've kissed. It makes Kara feel like her legs are jelly, like she should sit down. "We can work on it," says Lena. "We won't be perfect right away, but I think we can figure it out."

"Yeah?" Kara asks.

"Yeah," Lena says. "Sorry again, for last night. And for disappearing this morning. I just needed to think of a way to like, fix us."

Kara smiles and places a kiss against Lena's hair because she can do that now. "We weren't broken, I promise. It was just - it felt different when you touched me there. I think it's just a sensitive spot for me, but it wasn't bad or anything."

"Really?" Lena asks, blinking up at Kara. Her eyes are sparkling in the living room light. "It didn't feel bad?"

Kara's cheeks are on fire when she says, "No, it was good. It felt good."

Lena flushes an even brighter shade of red than Kara feels. "You sure? It's okay if it was weird or you didn't like it. It wouldn't hurt my feelings."

"No, I like." Kara has to duck her head, voice coming out like air as she whispers, "I really liked it, alright? Thought that was obvious."

Lena presses her face in and rubs her nose against Kara's shirt. "Good, then. It makes me happy you liked it."

"I love you, you know?" Kara asks. "I mean, I know you know, but like, I do."

"I know," Lena says. "I love you, too."

 

Chapter Text

Kara wouldn't say she's ashamed of being a vampire, but most days she is ashamed of her reflection. She doesn't know if she should call it a self-esteem issue or something other than that, but she knows she doesn't feel good when she thinks about it.

It's not even a beauty thing, because she knows she's beautiful. She's a vampire, after all, one who was turned at the height of her attractiveness, one who's forever solidified as a fit, blonde, twenty-something, and that's absolutely nothing to complain about.

The thing she gets caught up on the most, though, is that she used to have blue eyes. And it's dumb, maybe, to be stuck on that, but now she has golden eyes. Somewhere lodged between hazel and deep brown. And they're definitely pretty in their own right, but they're also so fucking different from anything else that it makes them a distinctive vampire thing. It's that part she hates the most. She hates everything about her eyes that make her stand out from everyone else: how they're reflective, how they help her see at night so they naturally bounce off of camera light, how they make her ruin good pictures, make her seem weird. She hates how they get her targeted, get her profiled, how they fuck up her life.

She hates how easy it makes it for people to just. Know. They know, and they avoid them, and they laugh at them, and they fear them. Fear them so much that vampire contacts are illegal in forty-eight states. Fear them so much that the first and only guy Kara's ever matched with on Tinder jumped back and said freaky when she got too close and blinked up at him on the walk home. Fear them so much that Kara's learned to duck her head, hide her gaze, be ashamed of just goddamn existing.

So, yeah. Some days she gets a little caught up on her reflection, gets a little sad about her eyes, hates the way they look. Some days her belly twists against itself when she sees herself in store glass or puddles or her phone screen, or ever catches herself in a fucking mirror.

But, then this thing happens. Today, of all days. On a random Thursday, mid-semester, after waking up twenty minutes late and stumbling haphazardly into the bathroom to brush her teeth:

Kara looks in the mirror and... she likes what she sees.

Which really sets it up like it's going to be a good day, but things always find a way to go downhill.

"Are you free?" Lena asks. She rounds the side of the sofa and squeezes in next to Kara. Her thighs are perfectly hugged in her dark blue joggers, and that definitely shouldn't be the first thing Kara notices. "Please say you're free. I impulse-bought tickets to this concert tonight, and I need someone to go with."

"Did Sam say no?" Kara asks.

Lena sighs. "That's definitely not the only reason I'm asking you."

"So, you still would have asked me if Sam said yes?" Kara teases. She splays her hand over Lena's thigh and scratches her nails against the soft fabric of her pants. She's happy she can touch Lena more and not have it be a big deal. "Why do I feel like a last resort?"

"You're only last because I don't think you know the band, alright? And Sam has a commitment, so. Right now you just so happen to be my first choice and the only one I can charm into it without a money bribe."

Lena smiles and leans her head on Kara's shoulder, and Kara thinks about how much she'd really love to kiss her again. Problem is, she dropped the ball after their first kiss. She thinks the issue is that she gave off the impression that she's comfortable initiating physical things with Lena. But, she isn't. She would much rather Lena kiss her, so she knows it's fine, so she can be bold enough to kiss back and be sure that it's perfectly okay. But she couldn't help herself the first time. She couldn't stop herself from doing it, and now they've fallen into this weird routine where they'll cuddle and stare at each other's lips and wrestle in bed and giggle until Kara's breathless and turned on and wants Lena's lips so much just looking at them feels like drowning.

But then, neither one of them ever actually kisses the other. It's been a week of that, a week of them being too close and touching just a little too much and staring just a little too obviously, and Kara's starting to figure she was maybe supposed to initiate all along.

"The volunteer coordinator emailed that I should call, but I'm free after that, I promise," she says, turning so she can nose against Lena's hair, because she's apparently comfortable doing everything but taking a chance and kissing her again.

"Call about what?" Lena asks, tilting her head against Kara's shoulder. "Are you in trouble before you've even had your first day?"

"No. Well. Actually, maybe," Kara says smiling against Lena's hair. "I was supposed to send in theme ideas, like, Tuesday, but I'm not finished yet and now I'm a couple days late. But it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I have it mostly planned out."

"What are you thinking, then? Maybe I can help you work out the kinks," Lena says, shifting up so she can look Kara in the eyes. "It's just arts and crafts with the third graders, right? It can't be too difficult."

Kara shifts too, so she can wrap an arm around Lena. She loves this feeling, holding Lena close to her. She's so warm and pretty and impossible, and Kara's so in love it's probably unhealthy. "Yeah, I was thinking I'd do a theme on diversity and acceptance, like doing art to appreciate others' cultures. But I'd want to do it in a tasteful way, you know? I don't want to go down the road of being offensive or appropriating. So it's been a bit hard to iron everything out. It should be simple, but. I don't know, I'm overthinking it."

"What was last year's theme?"

"I think it was just freestyle," Kara says, pinching her lip and rolling it between her fingers. Freestyle was really an excuse for the last volunteer to not have a theme, but Kara's been gunning for the afterschool arts and crafts slot for two years now, and like hell she's going to crap it up with freestyle now that she's got it. She loves kids, is really invested in their education being as well-rounded as possible, leaders of the future and whatnot. "It involved a lot of glitter and getting glue everywhere. And they didn't even use the glitter-glue pens, just old-school dumped it on Elmer's on paper. And, I don't know, I guess it was fine. But I can do better than that, just want it to be perfect."

Lena nods like Kara's the most interesting person in the world, reaching out to touch her knee gently. "I love that you're thinking so much about it. I'm pretty sure most people just call the theme the first word that comes to their head, then proceed with finger painting."

"Yeah," Kara says, and then sort of gets stuck staring for a second, struck dumb by the way Lena's mouth moves when she. Says words. Or just sits there licking out at her lips so they're moisturized, probably, not as a tactic to make Kara think about kissing her. Which, again, there's no real reason that they're not. Ugh. "Right, um, I know. But last year I did a multicultural theme for the senior center and a bunch of people talked about how they were seeing new perspectives and how hard it is to change thinking and ideology when you're older. So, I'm excited to work with kiddos because they're like, not tainted yet."

"Oh yeah?" Lena asks, and there's a playful grin on her face, so Kara smiles back, not sure what she said to make Lena bright up so much, but enjoying it anyway. And then Lena twists on the couch and crawls on top of Kara, pressing Kara back into the cushions as she straddles her lap. She just does it easy as anything, as if it's a natural part of the conversation. "I could listen to you talk about arts and crafts and theme ideas and volunteering with kiddos all day, you know that?"

Kara doesn't know what to do with her hands, but Lena made the first move and climbed in her lap, so it probably isn't inappropriate to rest them on her thighs. "I could talk about it all day if you want me to," she says, "I have a lot of things I want to say and incorpor—"

This time it's Lena that starts the kiss.

Or rather, she presses in and licks into Kara's mouth right in the middle of her dumb sentence, messy and unceremoniously, and Kara's brain stutters like a vinyl in an cheap record player. Lena doesn't seem to notice, though. She just grips her hand in Kara's hair, holds her steady and tilts her head back, and nibbles Kara's lip soft enough to be teasing. "Did you want me to keep talking about arts and crafts, or?" Kara still asks, dumbly, mostly to distract herself from Lena's thumb circling over her ear lobe.

"Only if you can while still kissing me," Lena says, laugh in her voice, shifting her hips on Kara's lap so they're pressed flush together. "If that's what you want? I've been trying to give you your space in case I was. Well. Just in case you were regretting last time. But I don't think I can wait any longer, so if you don't want this, just let me know and I'll—"

"No, I want it," Kara says, lifting up to kiss Lena so she's more convincing, but mostly just knocking their noses together.

Thankfully, Lena rights them quickly, kisses Kara soft and open-mouthed, letting out the smallest little noise—like a breath, like a sound that Kara just sucks down her own throat. Hands twitching because Lena's tongue is basically the softest thing ever, hot and silky and slick, exploring places in Kara's mouth that Kara didn't even know existed. Kara can barely make sense of anything, just knows she can taste Lena's saliva, tangy from too much cranberry juice because she found it in the back of the fridge today, and Kara if I don't drink this today I never will. She also knows she can feel the flex of Lena's thighs underneath her hands every time she leans in, every time she shifts her hips or presses up, or fuck, just, anything.

Which is absolutely making Kara's head spin for some reason, so she pulls back a bit and tries to blink the stars from her eyes, tries to catch her breath and stop rubbing her hands on Lena's joggers. Because she doesn't sweat. Her palms aren't sweaty. 

"Sorry, um. This is really nice. I like it when you start because I get anxious about it sometimes when we're waiting on me. I like being sure you want it, so. I don't know, I just get nervous," she explains, blinking up at Lena, mouth going dry when she sees her blown pupils and puffy pink lips that somehow look better than they normally do.

"I could kiss you more often, if you want. If that's okay," Lena says, heart actually thudding in her chest. Kara can hear it now, since her ears are apparently tuning back in. "I always want to kiss you, been thinking about it since, well, before it happened but way more since then. You can even touch me more, if you want. I don't mind," she goes on, taking Kara's hand and pressing it underneath her shirt, trailing it up until Kara's fingertips are nudging against her bra and Kara's hand... is shaking.

Which is incredibly embarrassing, so she pulls away and makes a good situation bad. "Hey, I um. I have to make the call, remember? And then I'm free after that, but is that okay?" Lena just frowns like the idea of Kara leaving is physically painful, but Kara's already made an ass of herself, so it's no problem at all digging her hole a little deeper. "It'll be quick, just have to make sure I'm not fired or anything, then I'm all you—yours—for the night, swear it."

"Fine," Lena groans out, crumpling into Kara dramatically, and yeah okay, that's the girl Kara knows. There's no need to be nervous around her. It's Lena, her Lena. "But you're all mine after, no takebacks. I'm holding you to it, alright?"

"Of course," Kara says, and then she just goes for broke, leans up and kisses Lena one last time on the lips. Quick, chaste, soft, and so incredibly lovely. Lena is very lovely. "I'll be right back."

Lena nods and climbs off Kara's lap.

Kara doesn't exactly run to her room afterward, but she does gracefully skip. With speed. She hears Lena turning on the TV once she's inside, but she shuts the door behind her anyway. Then she takes a calming breath, and. It hits her, a jolt to her whole body, like she's vibrating, electric. She kissed Lena again, and wow. She doesn't know how she ever got so lucky.

She's more jittery than nervous now, trotting to the window to open it for fresh air, because it feels like she's on fire, feels like she's going a hundred miles a minute. Which is probably why she doesn't even wait for the volunteer coordinator to say hello, before she's off on a rant. "Hi Elise, I know my theme is late, I'm working on it, promise. And I know the only thing Alice did last year was macaroni necklaces and glitter art and the kids loved it anyway. But I was thinking of taking it a step—"

"Kara," Elise says, firm enough that Kara stops pacing the room and grabs her necklace to suck into her mouth. 

"Yes?" she slurs, mouth watering around the metal.

"Slow down for a second, alright? Don't worry about the theme. We're not having you in the schools this year, there's been a complaint."

"Couldn't be about me, haven't even started yet," Kara says, letting her necklace slide from her mouth, toeing her sock in the carpet. "And I couldn't imagine it's from the senior center, like. Betty made me cookies and a cake, day I left. And John said I was the best volunteer they'd had in years, said I was nice and respectful and kept it interesting. I'm gonna do great in the schools, promise."

"I know you'd do great," Elise says, like it's hypothetical, like Kara's not going to get that chance. "No one complained about you in particular, just. About vampires. And look, to be frank, I don't buy into that shit, wouldn't organize the program around hatred and discrimination. But one of the parents complaining is a police officer and he's making a lot of noise about what the schools are exposing his children to. Plus, with the protests on campus and the—Kara, we're doing this for good, I don't want to make us controversial."

"I don't know what that means," Kara whispers, and it's stupid because it's just a dumb volunteer slot, but it feels like her heart is breaking. "What do you mean exposing children to? Vampires exist every day. I'm not doing anything wrong."

"Kara, don't make this hard," Elise sighs, as if she's the one being denied opportunities for just like, wanting to help. "You know I support all the vampire causes, right? I'm always signing petitions and donating, but my hands are tied here. Don't pretend you don't get it, because I know you do. Just take the senior center again, we'll double up there. They loved you like you said. You'll do great. I have to go."

"Right," Kara says. "Yeah, sure, I'll. Okay."

And then she hangs up.

When she stumbles back to the living room, Lena's on her back on the couch, scrolling through her phone above her face. And even though all of Kara wants to crawl in a hole right now, she still trudges her way over and sits on the floor next to Lena.

"Got it all figured out?" Lena asks, setting her phone down on her sternum, eyes big and more green than they were a few minutes ago.

Kara wants to open up and talk about what just happened, how shit it is, say it's not fair or we should file a complaint since it's blatant discrimination. But when she opens her mouth her throat seizes up, and her chest and her brain, and the only thing that doesn't hurt to say is, "Yeah, she was just checking in. On the theme. Like I thought. When's the concert tonight?"

Lena curls on her side on the couch, phone sliding on the floor, which she doesn't pay attention to because she's tangling a hand in Kara's curls. It's so caring Kara nearly starts tearing up, chest too full of whatever dark thing is currently filling it. "Starts in two hours-ish, but I'd rather talk about what actually happened on the phone call?" Kara feels like her throat clumps up, only thing keeping her put together is how soft Lena's hand is. "You're a terrible liar, always have been, so we're not going anywhere when you look this upset."

Fine, then. She always talks to Lena about everything, anyway.

"I'm not working arts and crafts in the schools this year," Kara whispers, saying each word carefully, making sure her voice doesn't crack, making sure she keeps it even because it feels like she's on a steady drop, and... this shouldn't even be a big deal. She's not hurt or any more dead or out of living accommodations or anything important. She doesn't even have to volunteer. It's something she likes doing, not a necessity. She hasn't even been robbed of a real opportunity. So she wishes it weren't currently dunking on her so fucking hard. "They don't want a vampire around children."

"Fuck that," Lena says harshly, turning so she can clumsily slide off the sofa. Then she crawls over until she's in Kara's lap again. She kisses Kara's cheek but her body feels tense enough to snap. "What do you. What do you want me to do? What do you need?"

"I feel not good enough," Kara says, taking a slow, slow breath, telling herself she at least should hold her tears so she doesn't get blood on Lena's shirt. "I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm not good enough for anything."

"Hey, don't let this get in your head like that," Lena says, scrunching her hands in Kara's shirt. "I'd be outraged in your position, anyone should be. But don't let this be something that defines you. It's just a shit situation perpetuated by shit people, but you're not one of them. I promise this isn't a reflection in any way. You can't let their hate make you feel less than they are."

It's not just this though. It's everything. Everything that's ever happened her whole life, down to losing the Daughters and Alura, and fucking shit up with Alex and just. She's not meant for anything it seems, and it stings. But it stings the most because... maybe she's just not meant for Lena, either. She knows how she feels about Lena. She's so gone for her she would risk it all just to be close to her.

She knows when she looks at Lena it's like watching living poetry, like every beautiful word that's ever been written or spoken is tangled up in Lena's existence. And she knows Lena likes her, too. Loves her, even. But what Kara feels is beyond that. This isn't trivial for her or just a relationship or a trial-and-error in the love game. Lena's her whole entire world. So, maybe they should stop this before it starts, because if Kara's learned anything about herself from the little bit of her life she can remember, it's that all she has to do is exist to fuck up everything around her.

She hurt Lena, made it impossible for Lena to seek healthcare, made it a shitty experience for them walking home from Trivia Night, made Lena bleed while they were kissing. Maybe it's better for everyone if she's left to herself. If she's alone.

"We shouldn't do this," she says, trailing her hand along Lena's thigh. "I can deal with the world being terrible, I can. I've done it my whole life and maybe internalized it a little too much, but I can handle it. But you—and I know the volunteer thing has nothing to do with youbut I've only kissed you twice and I already feel like I don't know what I'll do when I can't do that anymore. And I know I'm maybe fun for you, or exciting, but if we go any further, I think how bad society is will be the least of my worries."

It feels like the entire room takes a breath as soon as she gets the words out, and suddenly they're suspended in nothingness, neither one of them having the air to speak for a while.

Then, finally, Lena says, "I wanna show you something, if that's okay?" She turns herself in Kara's lap so her shoulder is pushed against Kara's chest, and then she presses her hand against herself low on her belly. "You want to know how much I want you, is that it? Do you need to be sure? I want you so much it's scary sometimes, and I can prove that if you want me to."

Kara does want her to. She wants to be sure. She wants it so much it feels like she's shivering from the tension. If there's even a small chance Lena wants her a fraction as much as she wants Lena, then she wants to know. Hell, she spent their entire first year as friends freaking out because Lena was so beautiful she could barely look at her without her stomach flipping, so. There's a very obvious answer to that question.

Still, Kara doesn't answer it. She doesn't know how to answer it. If she lets this keep going, it won't end well.

It doesn't really matter in the end, though. Lena must take her silence as a response in itself, because she trails her hand lower down her belly, presses her shirt up, then mumbles, "Fuck," as she undoes the strings on her joggers and sinks her hand underneath the waistband. Kara's stomach knots as she watches Lena slip her hand even lower; as she watches Lena's eyes flutter as she twists her hand where she's wet enough that Kara can hear the snick of the slickness without having to strain her ears or rely on her vamp hearing.

Then, clumsily as her wrist snags on the elastic of her joggers, Lena pulls her glistening fingers out. She parts them, and a shiny filament keeps them connected. Kara just stares. "This isn't just fun for me," Lena breathes, swallowing like she's anxious "I want you so much, it's hard to articulate it properly. But, I dunno, like. Sometimes all it takes is me sitting next to you for me to feel like I can't breathe, like I'm caught up in you so much I couldn't figure my way out even if I had a map. And some days I'm delusional enough to convince myself you feel the same, but most days it's like. I'm just not sure."

Kara flexes her fangs out preemptively, and then she grabs Lena's wrist and pulls it close to suck the shine right off her fingers. Lena yelps, and Kara's cheeks feel hot enough to catch fire, but she keeps going, swipes her tongue sloppy-wet between Lena's fingers and sucks until she has to pull away lest she risk passing out or literally dissolving.

"You have to know how much I want you," she says, voice rough and locked up in her throat. "It has to be obvious by now. I don't know how you'd be confused or unsure. Don't know how you'd assume there's a chance that I would even know how to live without you. I just get so scared sometimes and stuck in my own head, because," I'm a vampire and I've already fucked up and hurt you twice, and let's be honest it'll probably happen again, is what she wants to say, but that'll make it real, that'll actually confirm what she's thought all along: that it doesn't matter what she wants or how hard she tries, or if Lena wants her, too. They're just not meant to be, they'll neve be, they can't be. She doesn't want to speak those words and make that true, so instead she says, "I just don't want to mess this up and lose you, you know?"

"You can't," Lena says, sure as anything. "I don't know how to get that across without sounding naive or young, but I don't think there's a way you can mess this up. Not unless you do it intentionally. I know where your heart is, and I know how good you are, and as long as you don't intentionally try to hurt me, I can't see myself no longer wanting you."

"I'd never do that," Kara says, looking down at Lena's hands. "No matter what, I'd never resort to intentionally hurting you."

"Hey," Lena says, gripping her hand in Kara's shirt to anchor her. Then she twists in Kara's lap so she's straddling her waist, lifts her hands and massages them in Kara's curls until Kara's forced to lift her head and actually look in her eyes again. "Could you just talk to me about what you're thinking? You're always caged off and mysterious about certain things and it's real endearing until it's not. I don't know what you're feeling because you don't tell me. It's hard for to me to give you what you need when you won't tell me what it is."

"I want you, I do. I swear," Kara says, letting Lena cradle her head, letting Lena drink her in like she's some impossibly beautiful thing and she doesn't have the eyes of a vampire and probably no soul. "I'm just, nervous about how I might, like. I don't want to hurt you, you know? And please don't dismiss that like I won't or like it's not a big deal. Because I might hurt you. I've already hurt you twice before, once really bad, so can we just acknowledge that? It was scary, okay? So, I just think a little caution is in order."

"Right," Lena says, but it looks like she's not happy with that, because her nose twitches as she twists her mouth up. "If you're going to cover up what you're feeling, this isn't going to work. It's that simple. Don't pretend you're shutting down just about that."

Which is fair. It's not just that, and they both know it.

"I don't know, I've just," Kara starts, nervous enough that she's trembling a little. "I think you're too good and too pretty and too smart with too much going for you to want a long term with me, okay? And I've like, dreamed of having someone like you my whole life, or being safe enough to even entertain it, so it feels like I'm grasping at water now that you're finally here, and it just makes my chest feel hollow wondering when it'll stop being real. And the volunteering thing, it just, it really makes me sad because I wanted that a lot, and. It's just, all the - all the crap happening to me and in the country and in the world just scares me a little more each day, because what if—"

"There is no what if," Lena says, pulling Kara closer and pressing her lips to Kara's forehead. "I want you forever, and I'm going to protect you no matter what, I swear it. That's the only what if you have to think about. And everything that's happening, we're gonna figure it out, I swear. And I'll be with you every step of the way while we're trying."

Fuck, Kara thinks. She's in so deep there's no way out without getting hurt, so it's not even all or nothing anymore, it's just all.

"Alura was my maker," she says out of nowhere, like it's just been perched in her throat all this time. She looks up so she's staring Lena in the eyes, and she says it right into the air. "It's not that exciting because she made me long, long after the other Daughters, and I'm not sure why she even did. So I never really felt like one of them, and I've never been able to fly like them, and Alura never told me anything about anything. That's why I don't even know what this thing is on my ribs, but all the Daughters had one, apparently, and—"

"It's a rune. It's fae," Lena says, extra fucking soft, but so matter-of-fact that Kara nearly accepts that faeries actually exist without question, but then she stops to process the sentence, and... it doesn't make sense? "Runes can be a way for non-fae to channel magic."

Kara's read the translations of the Book of Lilith. She's read anything she can get her hands on about Alura and vampires, and none of it has ever mentioned anything about runes. A week ago, Lena didn't even know she had this. And Kara knows Lena's the smartest person she knows, but she's had this birthmark her entire life and she's never been able to figure it out. She doubts Lena could get it sorted in less than a month. But. Then again. Maybe she's seriously underestimating their gap in intelligence.

"How do you know that?" she asks. "I've been trying to figure this out for a while. I've read so many things, but I've never even seen faeries mentioned other than in the Book of Lilith. So I don't... understand. Why do you think it's a rune?"

"Um," Lena says shakily, clearing her throat as she flexes her thighs against Kara. "Most fae can identify a rune when they see one."

Chapter 5

Summary:

i wanted to say thank you(!!) all so much for the support so far on this story, and special thanks to lisamar1exo for THIS lovely picture of Lena. it's been really fun writing it, an i really do appreciate everyone!!

im over on tumblr: here if you wanna talk to me/send me anything/various other whatnots (((8

enjoy x

Chapter Text

In all fairness, Kara has no reason to not trust what she's hearing. After all, Lena's never lied to her. And they're having a rather Serious Talk so far, so it doesn't feel like Lena's taking a left turn and making a random joke right this moment. Not to mention Lena's shaking, her hands and thighs, trembling right up against Kara's waist as she straddles her lap, but... A rune? Fae?

Really?

It's not even that they can't exist, because Kara knows they can. She knows they did. But this whole thing feels almost too hard to process and at the same time... it's suddenly the only thing that makes enough sense to adequately explain it all. Alura and flying and her birthmark and all the Daughters sharing this one thing. So Kara's open to that whole idea. It doesn't even go against her natural thinking. She's always, at the core of her, assumed that faeries still exist in some capacity, one way or another.

She doesn't need more evidence than Lena saying it to make her believe it's trueHell, she can even put two-and-two together and fathom the logistics of it all, considering how old Alura was, and the secrecy around the origins of their abilities. It makes sense, is what she's saying. But that's not the flustering piece of this whole thing. What's really stumping Kara, really making her confused, is trying to figure out how Lena knows that. 

Kara nibbles the inside of her cheek and considers, for a really long second, what Lena might've meant by most fae can recognize. Then, after no good answer comes to her, she decides on just voicing her confusion because there's no possible way for her to rationalize that. "I don't get it," she mumbles, voice dragging carefully over the syllables of each word like even speaking is an absolute conundrum now. "I mean I get it, but I still don’t get it. If it's something most fae can recognize, then how did you figure it out? Do you know a faerie?"

"Yeah, I mean. I guess you could say it like that," Lena says, reaching up to scrunch her fingers in her hair, cheeks flushed as she ducks her head. Then she does that thing she does when she's nervous, presses her lips together and clenches her jaw, makes the outline of her cheekbones look sharp. And it's only then that it hits Kara that maybe Lena Luthor is too unfathomably perfect for a human because she's... not human.  "You know one, too," Lena says, then adds, "You know her really well, actually. Really, really well."

That sounds like a confirmation if Kara's ever heard one.

And that's okay. In the grand scheme of things, this isn't what breaks them.

Lena can be a faerie all she wants. She can do whatever it is that faeries do. Eat fruit and prank unsuspecting humans and masquerade as butterflies, or like. Actually, what do faeries even do? Kara takes a deep breath and tries to keep her cool. She's getting ahead of herself. Maybe Lena isn't actually fae and it's Sam or something. They both know Sam. It could be Sam. Kara needs to be sure before she starts decorating the kitchen with succulents to make the house more forest-y so Lena feels at home. Because faeries like flowers, right? 

How can Kara know this little about fae?

Okay. Game Plan. Step one: figure out if Lena's a faerie. Step two: figure out what she likes.

Kara's got this.  

"So um, this faerie we know, does she happen to be sitting on my lap?" Kara asks, and it's weird, but she's so jittery right now, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.  She keeps licking her lips, over and over and over, because she's so fucking nervous. And she knows at least one other person feels it too. Lena's cheeks are getting rosier by the second. So Kara does the only thing she knows how to do to cut the tension, and asks, as steady as she can, "Does she also happen to be the girl I'm in love with no matter what species she identifies as? Especially if she's fae, by the way, because that means I can actually love her physically forever. That would make my whole night."

Lena nods. She slumps against Kara and nods. Kara figured it out. She was already sure a minute ago, but now that it's confirmed, she's not sure what to do. Lena's still warm and wrapped around her, and she can barely process that, let alone the information that she's not... human.

But Kara won't let her confusion stop her from taking care of Lena. Because Lena's halfway to a panic attack and Kara's number one concern, above all else, is that Lena's healthy and safe and calm. "Tell me what you're thinking. Let me help."

"I don't know," Lena groans, muffled against her neck. Her heart is beating so hard that Kara can feel it against her own chest. "There are so many things I want to tell you, but I don't know where to start. I don't know what to say."

Okay, that's easy. Kara can start. She's good with questions.

"How about, um..." she says, trailing her hands over Lena's thighs so she can lace them behind the small of her back. There's one very obvious question she can think of. "Are all the Luthors fae? Is Lillian fae?"

"Yes," Lena says, stiff as a board, as if the Luthor family being fae magically taints Lena's character. As if the Luthor family name wasn't already  questionable. "There's a fae word for what Lillian—Luthors—are, that you wouldn't understand. But it very, very roughly translates to royal dark fae. She's not my mother, though, not my biological one. My real mother was light fae and Lionel—god can we not start there, it's messy and I hate it and it makes me feel gross. But yes, my entire family is fae. Not just me."

"Okay," Kara says, gladly dropping that topic. They don't need to do complicated right now. But that leaves her coming up empty. She blanks on what to ask after that, so she ends up being dumb and going with, "Do faeries like flowers?"

"Depends on the faerie, to be honest. But a lot of our magic is nature-based, so I suppose we're inclined. I think I'm just—know I'm just—nervous because I broke the biggest rule of fae law just now," she goes on without Kara's prompting, thank god. Kara's like a fucking fish out of water here. "We're not supposed to expose ourselves. But I couldn't not tell you I'm fae, not with how I feel about you. So I thought if you drank my blood you'd figure it out on your own, and I'd just confess, but you didn't, and—"

She takes a big gulp of a breath, and Kara rubs her back. Tries to keep her calm.

"I've tried to shake it, I've tried, but I can't, I physically cant, because the more I love you, the more my magic loves you—and it's like, it's so drawn to you, is the thing. So every time I touch you or I'm near you, it wants to spill out of me and consume you. Consume you so you're mine. So I can keep you forever. It wants you so much it's hard for me to control it sometimes. And I needed to tell you so you know what's happening. Because it's not just me that wants you, it's my magic too, and that means sometimes I can affect you in ways I'm not intending, but. This is a part of me, and I can't change that. So if you don't want that, just tell me."

Kara has no idea what to say. Part of her realizes this is supposed to be a big revelation, but the larger part is mostly thinking she doesn't care, because it's Lena. She'd accept Lena in any way, shape or form and it's not even that big of a deal for other reasons, either. She already accepted the Luthor family was central to bringing down Alura. So, the only thing this does is make it make more sense. Importantly, though, it doesn't change the way she feels about Lena, because she doesn't think anything ever will. Especially not Lena saying her magic is drawn to Kara so much she can hardly contain it.

"So," Kara starts slowly, deciding to not even entertain the idea of not wanting Lena. They don't need to go over that again. They're both here and it's pretty clear now they're both staying. "What happens if you just let it have what it wants?"

"What?" Lena asks.

"Your magic," Kara says. "I don't mind if you let it free. As long as it doesn't hurt me. Or at least not hurt me a lot."

"Oh." Kara can feel the tension melting from Lena. Her body starts relaxing in Kara's arms, she's soft and heavy against Kara's chest as she finally takes a deep breath that doesn't sound concerning. "I don't think you understand what you're asking for."

"Is what I'm asking for something you want to do?"

"Yes, definitely," Lena says, sure in herself. Resolute. "I want it so fucking much. I want to claim you for my own so I never have to worry again, but it's not something you do on a whim. So, as much as I want it, I would never force it on you. It's permanent."

Kara hums. "But we're also permanent, aren't we? In one way or another. Like a tattoo."

"No," Lena says, dragging her hand down slowly to tuck underneath Kara's shirt, trailing up until she's grazing Kara's birthmark with her fingertips. Kara feels a little buzz float through her, but nothing like the night Lena first touched it. "Not like a tattoo. Like a rune."

Oh. Jesus.

Kara tries to think calming thoughts. Reading books on stormy days. Strolling through flower fields at nighttime. Stargazing in dark spots with no city lights. Definitely not whatever it is that Lena has to do to leave a permanent mark on her body that's laced with fae magic.

"I think I'm definitely interested."

Lena tips down and nuzzles her nose against Kara's jaw, then she lifts her head and just looks at Kara. "Are you sure?" she asks. "I wasn't asking you to. I just wanted to voice what I'm going through, but it's not something I would ask. I want to, but we don't have to, okay? I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you, or like you have to do it because you love me."

"I don't feel pressured, but I do love you. So I want to know about it. Because, if it's something you're sure that you want, then it's something I want too. I'm being as honest as I can be. So can you go over it for me, explain it?"

Lena looks, for a second, like she might fight that, but then she nods her head. "Yeah. I can go over it," she says, leaning back and pulling Kara's hand into her own, flipping it palm-up and spanning out Kara's fingers as she holds it between them. "I can even demonstrate it a little bit, so you can see it's not so daunting. But, I want to point out that I'm not asking. You don't have to do this."

"I know, no pressure," Kara repeats.

"Good," Lena says, but she's still nervous. Kara can see it on her face. "This is going to be weird, so don't freak out," she warns, pressing her fingertips to Kara's palm. Then Kara looks down and sees that they're glowing. Actual light is coming out of Lena's fingers.

It's warm where she's touching Kara, a gentle thrum of heat that spreads through Kara's hand. Then it travels up her arm, her shoulder, across her clavicle and settles in her chest.

"Sometimes your magic latches on to someone," Lena explains. "It singles out your soulmate, is best I can put it in English, and when it does you just go with it. You can always trust your magic without questioning it, because it'll always do what's best for you." She looks up when she says it. Kara's never had magic inside her, she doesn't think, but she can sense from Lena's expression that it's true. It doesn't feel like Lena's magic would hurt her. It doesn't feel like it would hurt Lena. "So, in fae culture, once your magic latches on to someone, you give them your family rune. It's how you bond. How you're able to sense them at all times. How you commit yourselves to each other forever."

"I want to commit to you," Kara whispers. She doesn't know why she says it. It feels involuntary, but she knows that she means it. There isn't anyone besides Lena that she's ever going to want. She doesn't have magic, but she knows this is it even without it guiding her. "I always wanna be close to you. I feel like I'm pulled to you, too. Even if I don't have magic inside of me."

"I know," Lena says, still tracing her fingers across Kara's palm. "My birth mother taught me how to draw her family rune before she died. We used to trace it on paper and trees and in the dirt together for fun," she goes on, fingers tracing a more intricate pattern like she's mapping it out as she says it. "And I never thought I'd get the chance to pass it on, but I want to. With you. But I don't want you to feel obligated—"

Kara shuts her up with a kiss. Because she's had enough of that. She's been sure about Lena for a long time now, and she's even more sure now that they're not just a possibility but pretty much an outright guarantee if only she'd stick her hand out and accept it. So she kisses her, deep and hard and loving. She kisses her as passionate as she feels about her, because it doesn't matter anymore that she's a vampire if Lena's a faerie. They're just them, and Kara doesn't know how many times she needs to think that before it solidifies as a concept.

"You're not pressuring me, you're not, okay? I want that too," Kara says, pulling back and shrugging, because she doesn't see her life going any other way. She lifts her hand between them and grabs at her necklace, then presses a quick kiss to Lena's lips, before she adds, "Vampires don't bond or anything, but Alura gave me this necklace the last time I saw her, and it means a lot to me. I'd want you to have that? If it's not too weird."

Lena just looks at Kara, really looks at Kara, expression stuck somewhere between bewildered and amazed, and just when Kara feels maybe she should explain herself more, she says, "I love you. So much."

Oh. Good. Kara feels herself smiling too big as she says, "You told me that already, not too long ago."

"Yeah, and I'll probably tell you again in like, ten minutes. Get used to it. I'm not stopping."

"I don't want you to stop, not ever," Kara says, kissing her again, and then again and again and again, before telling her, "I love you too, by the way. Enough to take this magical journey with you, inject foreign unexplainable forces into my body."

"Okay," Lena laughs, cheeks red as she looks down. "So, um, awkward transition, but we definitely could drop this and go to the concert—"

"Or you could give me a rune?"

"Right. Yeah. We could do that too," Lena says. Her voice is calm, but her heart is beating so fast. "That's also an option if you want it to be."

"I want it to be," Kara says right away. Then remembers the last time Lena touched her and it was rune related. "But, um, is it okay if, like - do you remember what happened when you touched my rune? That was magic too, right? It must've been."

"Yeah, it was. And. It's okay, I promise," Lena says, and kisses Kara immediately, fast and sticky since Kara's lips are still damp. "When you don't have magic coursing through your body, it's - I guess it's just foreign to you. And there's no telling how your system's going to process it once you try it. So, it was only natural what happened."

Oh. Except, that doesn't make it any less... weird. "So my natural response was sexual? You're sure that's not weird?"

"Right. Um. So." Lena smiles a little, awkward and fidgety. "There were two forces working there. There's how your body processes magic, but there's also what the magic is conveying, and I think we both just really... like each other, so. Sorry for springing it on you like that. I should have explained it sooner. I shouldn't have let you think you were weird when I was the one who started it."

"It's fine, it was only the most embarrassing moment of my life," Kara jokes, leaning forward so she can touch their foreheads together. "But now we're both prepared for it, so let's give it a chance? I want to. I mean, of course I want to have your family rune. I'd be honored. I'd love every second of it, I swear, and even if I don't get all the connections that another faerie might get, like feeling you more or feeling bonded, I'd still feel connected. Because it's from you, and that's what makes it special more than anything else."

But it's more than that. More than Kara's willing to say because she doesn't want to sound weird. She'd probably touch it all the time, just to feel the magic coursing through it, or just to feel overwhelmed by having it. Just to feel close to Lena.

"I really do love you," Lena says.

"I know," Kara laughs, resting her hands on Lena's waist to pull her closer. "It hasn't even been ten minutes yet."

"You shouldn't be counting," Lena laughs, swatting at Kara's chest in a fake attempt to push her away. Kara sprinkles kisses all over her warm-rosy cheeks, until Lena's calm enough to settle in her arms again. And then she kisses her some more. Because she can. "Where are we doing this?"

 

They end up in the bed in Kara's bedroom, with Kara on her back and Lena pressed against her. Kara's head is spinning from the anticipation, but she still wants to make sure they're doing this correctly. "Go over it again?"

Lena stretches lazily against her side. "It's simple," she says. She sneaks a hand underneath Kara's shirt, lets her fingers roam until she finds Kara's birthmark. Then she starts tracing it delicately with her fingertips, heat spreading across the area. "Do you feel that?" she asks. "It's my magic, same as last time. But this time I'm controlling it more, so it should feel more focused."

Kara feels it just as Lena says it. It's intense at first, makes it hard for Kara to breathe. But it isn't bad, it's just. There. Almost pleasant if she lets herself sink into it. "Yeah, I can feel it," she says. She tilts her head back and lets her eyes close. "It feels nice."

"Good," Lena whispers, breath brushing against Kara's cheek, cool against Kara's skin. "But when I'm ingraining the rune, it'll probably be more intense. It's focused, but it's also lacing my magic inside of your body."

"Intense like how?" Kara asks, because her mind is already whirring just from Lena swiping her magic over an old rune, not sure how much more intense she can take without accidentally hurting Lena or breaking something. "Intense enough, I might hurt you? On accident?"

She thinks about the night she crushed Lena's ribs, and reflexively curls her hands against her sides. But Lena stays close, still tracing her octagram, apparently undeterred by Kara's inability to control herself. "I know a good rope charm that I could use it if that makes you feel better? I could hold you down so you couldn't hurt me."

It's dumb, but rope charm bounces around in Kara's head in a weird way. She gets squirmy just thinking about Lena tying her up. She probably shouldn't be turned on by that, but she's just. Dumb. Apparently.

And chewing her lip now. Fuck. She needs to stop.

"That would be good, I think. I'd feel better knowing you're safe from me grabbing you reflexively or something." 

"Yeah, that'd be good?" Lena asks, and Kara can tell she's smirking even with her eyes closed.

"Stop," she whines, wiggling her hips like that does anything but hurt her point. "I can't help it. You don't know what your magic, like, how it feels when you touch me. It's a lot and it fogs up my head, but it's also nice and good and . I like it."

"You're right. Sorry," Lena says. "I'm just keeping things light." Somehow Kara's cheek gets rewarded with a kiss, right before Lena pulls her hand off entirely. Kara does everything she can not to cave in on herself, not to feel disappointed. Lena's coming right back, of course, the whole reason they're lying here in the first place. "But, I do want to talk a little while you're not foggy. Before we start."

Oh. Kara perks up, then shifts over and opens her eyes to look at Lena. "I still don't feel pressured, if you're checking in. And I'm really okay with the rope, honest. If I wasn't okay with something, I'd say so."

"That's good," Lena says, "But, are you sure about this? It's permanent, like I said."

Kara nods. "I'm sure."

"I'm not taking advantage of you, am I? Is there any other way I can give you the option to say no?"

"You're not, okay? Not even a little bit." Kara smiles, curling her finger against Lena's belly. "And there isn't, not really, because I'm just not gonna say it. I'm saying yes, and nothing short of you telling me no will stop me."

"I already know you love me," Lena says, like she's still not convinced. Her hand feels hot on Kara's belly where Kara's shirt is pushed up. "I know I'm annoying you with my apprehension, but this is a big deal for fae, and I want to give it the weight it deserves.

"I know it's a big deal. I never thought otherwise," Kara says, tugging at Lena's shirt so she falls into a chaste kiss. Then she shifts more on her side and presses Lena back on the mattress, drops her shoulder, and makes sure she's at a good angle to properly splay her hand over Lena's heart. She's a sucker for romantic gestures, and this is the perfect set-up if she's ever seen one. "I'm not making this decision lightly. Any apprehension I've had about us was coming from a place of me not knowing if you want me as much as I want you. I've never even considered moving on, I've just considered not having you. Because this is it. You're who I want to be with."

"You've never been with anyone else," Lena says. "Not really. Not outside of first dates that you always seem to hate."

"Because I've never wanted to be with anyone. Not until I met you."

"You have to be so sure."

Kara traces her thumb over Lena's heart. "I am, but we could wait if you want to. Just for me to tell you the same thing a year from now."

"I'm fighting with my magic right now," Lena admits. "It's telling me it's the right thing to do, but my head feels so confused." She looks conflicted, but Kara can sense how much she wants it. Lena puts her hand over Kara's hand over her heart. "I've just wanted this so long, so I need to know that I can trust this. I need to be sure this is happening. That it's real."

"It's happening," Kara assures her. "It's real."

Lena smiles at her then, squeezing Kara's hand. "It's fucking ridiculous that we're doing this. I didn't know you'd be so gay about it."

Kara laughs at that, and then she starts to tickle Lena.

It's a dumb decision, in hindsight, since Lena's got multiple advantages. Mostly that she's smaller and more fragile so Kara has to watch herself, but also that she's ruthless and will completely overpower Kara when Kara's just trying to be careful. Which is how, five minutes later, they end up with Kara on her back guarding her ribs, and Lena straddling her thigh still holding up her curled fingers. "Shouldn't we get started," Kara giggles, out of sheer self-preservation at this point. "I'm ready, and we don't need to push it off if we both want it."

"You're the one who started tickling me," Lena says, but she lets her hands drop anyway. "Could you lift your shirt for me?" Kara does, and Lena settles back a bit, still straddling her thigh. "We're going to do it right here on the hip," she decides. "Is that good for you?"

She presses her thumb into Kara's skin and Kara shivers even without the magic added to it. "Yeah," she says. "It's..." and easy enough area for her to touch, is what she starts to say, but settles on, "a good spot to put it."

"Good," Lena says. "That way I can keep and eye on you and hold you steady if I need to."

"Okay. That makes sense. Are we still doing the rope?"

"Yeah, of course. Safety first," Lena says, smiling in a way that's teasing. "Hands above your head, crossed at the wrist, please."

Kara complies, and then Lena's hand starts to glow as she twists it in the air. A few seconds later, Kara can feel something cool and firm lacing across her skin, working its way into the mattress until it's secured her down to it.

"And you're sure these'll hold?" she asks, pressing up against the ropes to test. "I get pretty strong when I'm, like. Out of it."

"Not much out there is stronger than fae magic," Lena says, confident enough that Kara doesn't feel the need to worry about it. "As a final warning, though—once I start the rune process, I can't stop. I have to finish or it'll leave something fucked on your body. It only takes a few minutes to trace it on, but it's intense, and we have to keep going. Even if you feel like stopping. Understood?"

"Understood," Kara says, nodding. "I can handle it. I promise."

"I know." Lena's voice is a lot gentler now. "I just want you to know I'm not being an asshole if it starts to feel overwhelming. It's just part of the process, but it's worth it in the end if you just wait it out. I think you'll like being bonded."

"I'll love it," Kara says. "Just as much as I love you."

Lena smiles and shakes her head. "Let me stop you before you make another speech," she says, then she pulls the waistband of Kara's sweats down and touches her glowing finger to her skin. Kara instantly feels like she can't breathe.

Lena's magic doesn't feel intense in the same way it did before. It feels more purposeful in its presence. It doesn't just coat Kara's skin, it sinks into it. It ingrains into it, just like Lena said it would, weaving through Kara like it's patterning on fabric. Kara twists her hands against the rope without even thinking about it, her fangs coming out more as a defense than anything sexual. She feels less turned on by Lena's magic than she feels attacked by it. It feels like it's invading her. So much so that she can sense her body is fighting back against it.

But the magic is winning, inching across her body, scorching everything in its path. She wonders if it was like this for her star rune. She wonders who gave it to her. Did she have to be held down like this or did it happen in the space between her being dead and coming back to life? She would remember the way this feels. How it stings but doesn't hurt. How it's hot but doesn't burn. It feels like the swell before an explosion that never seems to come. Just energy constantly building with nothing to help it dissipate.

"Lena," Kara says, without really knowing what she wants. 

"If I stop now, it'll be something else entirely," Lena tells her, fanning her free hand over Kara's ribs and pressing her into the mattress. "You're doing so good, though. It's a lot of magic for a non-fae, but you're taking it so well."

"I know," Kara says, but talking makes it more intense. It's flooding her head now. "Am I supposed to feel like I'm fighting it?"

"You're not fighting it," Lena says. She's so calm despite how worked up Kara feels. "If you were fighting it, I would know. Your body just doesn't know what it is. It's activating your fight or flight, but it's not going to hurt you. I promise."

Kara isn't afraid of that, she just. Wants this to work. She wants it so much. 

"I know," Lena says. "I want it, too." Kara hadn't realized she said that out loud. "I've wanted this for so long. But I kept panicking about telling you I'm a faerie or thinking you'd take it bad, or worse, that - that you'd say no to this, and I'd just be stuck wanting you forever, but never really having you. So I'm so glad you said yes, and I promise once I'm done I'll make everything better, but we have to get through this."

"I was never going to say no," Kara says. Her head feels too full. She can't think straight anymore. She can feel herself squirming before she gets a chance to stop the motion, but Lena's quick to keep her pressed down. Which makes her feel frantic, antsy. She wants to move with the energy of it. She needs a way to dissipate this feeling, to fight off the intensity.

She wants to grab Lena. She wants to hold her. She wants to do. Something. Anything that isn't just lying here. It's driving her crazy just thinking about it. Her heart is beating so fast. It feels like it's slamming inside her chest. 

Her heart is beating.

Her heart is actually beating.

She tries to focus for a second. She can't figure out if it's her own heart she's feeling, or if she's just confusing it with Lena's. But this is different from how she usually recognizes Lena's heart. She can hear it most times, and feel it if they're pressed together, but this is something new. This is coming from inside of Kara's chest. This isn't coming from Lena.

"Lena, I think my heart is like. Beating?" she half-asks. She doesn't have enough energy to be panicked. "It's not supposed to do that, is it?"

"It's probably my heart." Lena seems sure, but Kara knows this is different. "It's a thing that happens when you're bonded. You can feel your mate's heartbeat. It's how you know they're still alive. It stays with you. Always. I'm almost done, so that's probably why you feel it."

"Oh." Kara can't breathe. All she can think about is Lena's heartbeat in her chest. "You're saying I can actually feel... your heart beating?"

"Yeah, it's normal," Lena comforts. "Just relax, I'm almost finished."

Kara doesn't think about anything else after that. She barely registers that she's feeling anything else. Not the heat or the magic or the ropes or the cold air in the room. Nothing, except the steady thump of Lena's heartbeat for the remainder of the rune. She's listened to Lena's heart for so long for so many things. To help herself sleep at night. To calm herself down when she's starting to panic. To convince herself that everything is going to be okay. And now Lena's heart is there, inside her, for the rest of their lives together.

"You're okay," Lena says, and she's so close suddenly. Kara must've zoned out, because now Lena's stretched on top of her, kissing against the side of her mouth while one of her hands is cupped over the fresh rune. "I'm here. You're okay. I'm here."

"That wasn't like before," Kara finally says. "You should have a better adjective than intense."

Lena huffs a laugh and settles down on top of Kara, heavy and relaxed. Warm. "I didn't really know how it would feel. I could only guess."

"You don't have any runes?"

"Regular runes are different than bond runes," Lena says. "And I've never been bonded before, so. This is new for me, too."

"Can you feel my heart?" Kara asks.

"No," Lena says. "But I can feel that you're alive. I can't explain why. But I know it."

"That's insane," Kara whispers. She's starting to nod off. She feels so sleepy for some reason. Her skin is so sensitive, and her head feels heavy, and she can feel her lips stinging from where she must have dug her fangs in. But she's happy. She's so fucking happy. 

She wants to tell Lena that, but she falls asleep before she can.

Chapter 6

Summary:

hi all, just wanted to say thanks so much for huge amount of positive feedback on this story, and for all of the love and support. also, thanks so much for being patient with me and for all the lovely asks you've sent on tumblr ;pppp

i included pictures of the runes Kara has in this chapter, because someone requested it. so if it helps your imagination, they're there. if you would prefer to imagine them as something else, feel free, whatever makes the reading experience better for you.

thanks again for reading the story, hope you enjoy the chapter.

Chapter Text

She's wide awake. 

It's 3 a.m. and even the cicadas have given up singing, but Kara's eyes are glued to the ceiling because she can't sleep. She's not sure if she'll ever sleep again, if she's honest, not with what's burned into her skin, seared into the fabric of her DNA. Not with Lena lying next to her in the dark, with her heartbeat in Kara's chest, and the knowledge that Lena is undeniably and irrevocably hers. She belongs to Kara now just as much as Kara belongs to her. Every single inch of Lena Luthor perfection—every breath she takes, every ounce of blood pumping through her system, every smile and laugh and and worry or fear—is now linked to Kara through magic that Kara can't even begin to comprehend.

But she can feel it. She can feel it all over like it's an actual piece of herself. An extra limb she never knew was missing.

She keeps replaying the moment. The pain and the excitement of every second it took to ingrain it. The horrible, lovely, scorch of it all. She wants to solidify it in her memory forever. She never wants to look back and realize she can't remember this. She doesn't want it to be like her other memories, washed away in a blur or barely even there. She wants this moment. She wants to keep this moment. She needs to have it.

Because she finally has someone. Someone who wants her enough to bond with her. Someone she wants enough she'd go to hell and back for. She'd do it all over again if she had to. Every single painful moment of her existence if it all means she'll eventually get to Lena. But it's more than that. Even beyond the magic Lena gave Kara and the symbolism of it. Beyond her liking and loving Kara without a shred of a doubt.

Lena wants Kara so much that her body reacts to Kara all on its own. 

Maybe that's the real reason Kara can't fall asleep. She keeps thinking about Lena sitting on her lap and sticking her hand inside of her joggers. She keeps thinking about Lena touching herself and letting Kara put her fingers inside her mouth. She didn't know it was something Lena struggled with, that she's been burning up inside just at the thought of being close to Kara. She didn't know Lena's been so worked up that she felt she had to stick her hand in her own pants to just to show Kara. Just to prove how wet she gets in her proximity.

God, fuck.

Kara shivers at that, then she turns over and rubs her face into her pillow, and nearly groans when she realizes, stupidly, that Lena used the same fingers she pressed inside herself to trace the rune onto Kara's hip. She feels both excited and ashamed at the thought of Lena touching her. At the thought of her maybe finally being able to touch Lena. She shouldn't be thinking about it because it feels wrong, and Lena's sleeping right next to her. But she can't stop thinking about it. She can't even stop her hips from grinding against the mattress. Because it feels good when she does it. Each point of contact drags it out, pushes her on, makes her head feel full and body feel wound up.

Her rune feels like fire any time she touches it, but she can't stop doing that, either. She likes the way the sheets drag over the sensitive skin when she snaps her hips into them. She likes the way the heat spreads through her chest and coats itself over her skin.

She wants to feel it all, the magic and the fire. She wants to know what's inside of her and exactly what it does. She wants to keep feeling it and feeling it because this is it for her. This is it. This is every wish she's ever wasted on a star, every prayer she's ever yelled at god, every dream she's ever had to reluctantly wake up from. This is what she never thought she'd be lucky enough to experience.

Because this isn't just a joke, just a phase, just a girl that likes the movie-sold idea of vampires. This isn't just a lukewarm college crush, a fun semester of experimenting with new shit, an opportunity to say, 'hell yeah, i've had fangs in my neck, thanks, it was fun'. This is deep and sophisticated and so fucking vulnerable they can't kiss each other without shaking or losing their breath. This is millennia of faerie magic and tradition coursing through Kara's fucking vampire veins. This is - this is love.

This is actual fucking love.

So, she should maybe stop, but she won't, because she likes the way her hips are sliding against the jersey sheets, the way her joggers are chafing against her skin. She likes the rub of the soft fabric against her thighs when she grinds down again and again. She's not even present anymore, just keeps feeling and feeling, everything growing inside of her to the point she nearly can't handle it, because she keeps thinking about Lena's lips and Lena's hands and her tongue, and the blood she tasted when she accidentally bit Lena's lip. 

The room is so quiet and dark except for the moonlight. It makes her feel like she could do anything and not even god would see her. So she sticks her tongue out and licks her lips, lets her mouth hang open as she increases the pace of her hips.

It shouldn't feel this good. It's feels bad that it feels this good. Her brain is fuzzy, and she can't catch her breath, and—

Then it stops.

She's still turned on but the feeling of the magic stops moving through her body. The heat seeps out of her skin, and she's left feeling cold and out of breath, too raw to be left alone with the thoughts in her head. Her heart is pounding. Lena's heart. Lena's heart is pounding.

Kara looks up, and Lena's just. Staring at her. This is awkward. "Hi," she says. Her voice comes out a rasp and she winces at it. She doesn't know what to say. There's no way she can explain this. "Not sure how long you've been awake."

"Long enough," Lena whispers. Kara wants to shrivel in on herself, but her body feels... different. She likes the sound of Lena's voice, how low it is when she's just waking up. Her hips want to keep moving, but it feels like she should stop. 

She's surprised she wants to keep going even with Lena looking at her. "It feels good," she says, both as an explanation and an excuse. Lena reaches over and slips her hand underneath Kara's shirt, rests it on her back. It's so warm, and the contact feels nice, nice enough for Kara to shift her hips and feel embarrassed all over again. "I just feel like. I have to keep moving. I have to get it out of me." 

It's weird but her voice is gone, breathy and strained and she doesn't know why, but it's making her spiral, making her want to start working her hips again, even though Lena's watching, even though Lena's touching, even though Kara's already made an idiot of herself dry humping the fucking sheets. She still has to blink a thousand times just to think.

"I thought that. You know. That, like," she stutters, tripping herself up each time she tries to get words out, failing miserably because she's weak and so turned on she's not ashamed of finishing while Lena stares at her, as long as the magic starts flowing again. "I don't know, it feels good when I touch the rune. I can't explain it, but. I want to keep touching it. Lena," she groans, turning her face and smashing it in the pillow.

She wants Lena's fingers in her mouth again. She wants Lena sweet and messy and all over her lips as she rocks into the heat of the rune. She wants Lena's fingers... inside of her, god, she'd love to know what it's like to be wrapped around them. But the thought makes her feel like her ribcage is cracking open, like it's too big to keep in her chest, too dangerous to rest near her heart. After all, Lena pushed Kara off her fingers when she licked them, so—so maybe she was trying to make a different point, one that hurts more and Kara doesn't want to think about.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," she finally goes on, and Lena doesn't say anything.

She doesn't say anything. Kara's on her stomach with her knees slightly spread, out of breath and wrecked and splayed, on display, and Lena just doesn't fucking say anything. She hasn't been saying anything except the bare minimum.

"Can you say something?" Kara asks, because Lena's acting like it's okay to kill her like this, and it's not. It's not because Kara already kills herself every other second of the day. "You don't know what it's like to want you so much, and suddenly have you inside of me. It's a lot and I can't stop thinking about it and thinking about you and thinking about earlier when you were on my lap, and. It's different for me than it is for you," she whispers, words coming out like they're old and worn and frayed around the edges from carrying them around too long.

She waits a second to see if Lena will even speak to that, and when she doesn't, Kara just... gives up.

"I don't know what you want me to say."

This feels like torture, when all Kara wants to do is hump the bed and think about Lena's fingers making that squishing sound inside herself. She doesn't want to answer for her sins. She's gotten off exactly one-point-five times in her life including this one, and she just wants to finish, mind her business and feel nice for a second and not upset anyone. 

"Alrighty, then. I'm sorry," she drags out, lifting her head and wondering why she's still buzzing, why she still feels heat sitting in her belly even without the magic working through her body, even with Lena being weird and distant. "It sort of got away from me, but I can stop if—" she cuts off. She wants to say she'll stop if Lena says to, but she doesn't really want to. She wants to finish, wants to feel good, brain already gone enough she can't pull it back so easy, so she goes for broke and asks, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No," Lena says finally, shaking her head. Kara can tell she's sure about it, so it saves her the discomfort of being embarrassed about the way her hips jump when Lena digs her nails in her skin. "I'm just. Frustrated, I guess. That you didn't want to include me. Even after I told you."

"Come here," Kara says, because it's suddenly obvious what this is. She flips over so she's lying on her back, then she pulls at Lena's shirt until she finally climbs on top of Kara, straddling her waist. "Are you upset with me?"

Lena nods her head, but she doesn't say anything. Kara's less frustrated this time. She knows what she's apologizing for.

"I'm sorry," she says. She likes having Lena on top of her. She likes how warm she feels. The weight of her. It's making her head feel hazy all over again. "I wasn't trying to exclude you, it just happened. I'd definitely like it better if it was with you, though."

Kara can see the shift in Lena's face, from her feeling hurt to feeling something else. "Can I touch you?" Lena finally asks, letting her hand graze gently across Kara's hip, trailing over Kara's rune between the low dip of her sweatpants and where her shirt's ridden up. 

"Yeah," Kara says, too eager to hide she's desperate, pressing up into Lena's touch, and nearly moaning from the ghost of friction she feels between her legs when she moves. It's like just the faintest hint of being touched by Lena has her belly twisting tight against itself, heat ripping through her like a cultivator uprooting weeds. "I want you to touch me. I always want you to."

"Sorry," Lena says. She keeps her eyes glued to Kara's hip where she's pressing her thumb in harder against the rune. "I don't know why I was so upset when I saw you. I guess it just. It felt like I was being left out."

"It's okay," Kara tells her. She doesn't want to spend the rest of the night apologizing to each other. "I was getting off against the bed only thinking about you. I never want you to feel left out. Everything I do ends up being about you."

"Fuck," Lena says, rushed like a string's been cut. Her hands trail up Kara's shirt, slow and so soft, over her belly, over her ribs, until she's cupping Kara's breasts into her palms. It almost hurts the way Kara's belly plummets, the way heat entangles itself in her gut, lining and lacing it, twisting until she feels like it's hard to breathe. She could come just like this, could let go just from Lena's warm hands and humping with all of the clothes in between them, too many layers for her to even feel anything, but it doesn't matter.

"You're so responsive," Lena whispers, flushed enough it's trailing down her neck and dipping beneath the collar of her shirt. Kara wants to lick right against where she's most red, wants to wrap her mouth around Lena's pulse and sink her fangs in so she can taste her. Fuck, she wants to taste her blood again so much she's panting just imagining it. She wants to do all these things she never lets herself think about, chase every thought flooding her brain, make them all a reality. "I feel like I'm doing a lot, but I'm barely touching you."

"It's just you. I want you so much I'm always making an idiot of myself, especially with my fangs," Kara says. She's rambling. But her brain clicked off some time ago, so she keeps going since being vulnerable just turns her on right now, instead of making her embarrassed. "I've never had them pop out involuntarily unless I was starving and finally found food, but then I found you and I can barely keep them in. Sometimes it's just smelling you or touching you or being too close, and it's like it sets me off. I can't help myself around you."

"Fuck," Lena says again, and then she leans down and presses their mouths together, kisses Kara three times gently before she opens her mouth and licks out slick and slow, almost too much for Kara to handle with how warm it is.

Lena bites her lip and quickly sucks off the sting of it, fists gripping in the fabric of Kara's shirt. It's like she's making up for lost time, moving to match her heart racing, kissing Kara uncoordinated and desperate and grinding against her as she does it. Kara can't believe this is happening. Her hands are shaking against Lena's thighs as she tries her best to keep up, tries her best to breathe, tries her best to ignore how tight her chest feels having Lena's heart thump inside of it. It's a different sort of heat coursing through her now, natural heat, not from the magic, and it's making her belly dip and turn, contort against itself each time Lena flicks her tongue over Kara's lips or kisses her jaw or spreads her legs wider and presses harder against Kara's thigh. She can't breathe or think or do anything but spread her own legs and lay herself out for Lena to take.

"If anything is too much, just tell me when to stop," Lena says, broken between kisses, fingers moving from Kara's shirt to the skin beneath it, gripping in hard and denting in against Kara's sides.

It takes a second for Kara to process what's happening, but she feels the magic start to prickle inside her again, thick and magnificent, body lighting up like someone poured on gasoline and lit a match, and then it clicks for her. Lena's using her magic just like she did with the birthmark. Before she completely loses herself from the intensity of it, she fits her hands underneath Lena's shirt, drags them across her damp skin and just feels Lena for a moment, feels her falling apart right on top of Kara—all heat and sweat and blood and heartbeats, alive and shivering with it. Probably wet enough it'd drip down her thighs if Kara pulled her underwear off. And then she decides, "I don't need the magic, today. I just want you. I never needed your magic to make me want this."

She doesn't expect Lena's thighs to snap around her the way they do, for Lena to push deeper into the kiss like she's frustrated with no outlet, like Kara said anything other than like, objectively, the least dirty thing she's let come out of her mouth tonight.

"You mean just my hands?" Lena finally asks. "You don't need the magic to help?"

"I never needed the magic," Kara says, running her fingers along Lena's sides and getting lost for a second in how it feels to be so turned on and touching without her head blanking out from being flooded with the magic. Sure, it still takes a second longer for each thought to form, but she likes it. She likes not losing herself completely, being able to be present and feel Lena. "It's always been about you. I've only known that you're a faerie just today. Everything I've ever thought about before then was thinking you're human."

"No, I just, I mean. Even though you know I can do it, you don't..."

"We don't have to," Kara stops her, mind racing as she trails her hands lower, fingers nearly shaking as she dares to grip Lena's ass. "Unless you're not up for like, actually touching me, you know? The messiness of it is probably—"

"God, no, I'd love to do that," Lena drags out, lifting up and shifting so she's pressed against Kara's side instead of straddling her. "I just thought. Maybe. You'd want that. Your past seems scary, and I didn't know if the magic felt safer for you. If you felt more comfortable that way."

"I'm wet enough to feel it soaking through my underwear," Kara admits, shyly. "And that's all thinking about you touching me."

"Fuck, I didn't. It's dumb but I didn't even know you could do that," Lena says. "Get wet. I have lube in my room just in case. I could still get it."

Kara laughs at that. She doesn't know the science behind it, but she knows it's happening. "I don't think we need it."

"Just my hands, then?" Lena asks. She's checking in so Kara lifts up to give her another kiss. "Tell me again that you're sure about this. It somehow feels more important than the rune."

"I'm sure about it," Kara says. She lifts her hips to encourage Lena. "It's a lot less important than the rune."

"We're only having sex for the first time."

"Yep, it's just sex."

"Totally no big deal," Lena says. "It only took you two years to kiss me."

Kara laughs at that because it's true. It doesn't make sense. But this feels so right, it would have been dumb if they didn't do it. "It's only taking you two years to stick your hand in my pants," she says, just to tease Lena. "You sure you're not upset about earlier?"

"You're so dumb," Lena says, but she's laughing, too. It's nice sound, one that Kara's happy to hear. Lena trails her lips from Kara's ear, along her cheek, down to the side of her mouth, and then she lifts up and presses her tongue in right as Kara's taking a breath just, nudging the front of her joggers down at the same time. "I'm gonna put my hand inside, and I'm telling you this time. Not asking."

"I'm probably gonna make embarrassing noises," Kara laughs. "Just a warning."

"It'll be hot, not embarrassing. You should let your fangs out, so they don't do it unexpectedly. It's about time I figured how to kiss you around them. We can work around involuntary if we expect it."

God, something about that makes Kara's head churn. "You're right, always smarter than me," she says, popping them out and testing the sharpness against her own lip, figuring out the pressure before Lena's too close. "Just be careful, don't get carried away."

"I think I can handle myself," Lena says, and then she slips her hand in Kara's pants. It's just a little past the band, nothing lower, but Kara still flexes underneath her like it's something more. "I'll start slow so you're used to it. Then I'll do more, but if you want me to stop..."

"I know," Kara says, and then she closes her eyes and thinks about how amazing Lena's hands are. She loves them on any normal day. When she just using them to gesture or pulling at her hair. When she's twisting them together or cooking or gardening or writing notes inside her textbooks. But she thinks she loves them even more like this. Inside her pants. Inside of her.

"Is this okay?" Lena asks, checking in, right as she slides two fingers down Kara's center, trailing them in slow circles right where Kara feels the wettest. "Is this too much or do you want me to touch you more?"

Kara wants this. She wants this so much. But she also wants more. She wants Lena to touch her faster, harder. She wants Lena to be inside of her. "Yeah, this is good," she says, circling her hips to match Lena's pace. "But also, like. More. I want more."

"More," Lena says, like she's testing out the word. "Like what?"

She's making Kara ask for it. Kara's too turned on to be shy about it. "I want your fingers inside of me."

Lena doesn't acknowledge that. She moves on like she was never even planning to. "You're so much wetter than I thought you would be," she says, still keeping the pace steady, slow and teasing. She's actually making a point to tease Kara and it makes goosebumps prickle over her skin. Lena lets her fingers start roaming between Kara's legs, soft and careful and everywhere. Never lingering in one place too long. Kara wants to rush her, but she also doesn't. She mostly just wants to feel. She wants to be touched. She wants to keep this moment where Lena's breathing hard and touching her soft and making Kara think she might actually be something worth having.

"I bet I could put two fingers in, no problem," Lena finally says, lifting so she can use her free hand to twist in Kara's hair. The pull of it makes something snap in Kara, makes her spread her legs wider.

"Yeah," she agrees. "I bet you could." She wants two fingers, doesn't even care if it's a stretch. 

"You're so hot like this," Lena whispers, kissing her deep as she just pets her, teasingly at first, brushes her knuckles lightly back and forth through Kara's pubic hair before she actually pushes deeper. "Fuck," she moans out then, drawing her fingers up through Kara's folds to rub the slickness over her swollen clit. "I love how wet you get. I love that it's not just me who feels this way."

"Never just you," Kara murmurs, stomach already knotting up because it feels like she's close, waves of heat crashing over her. Lena must sense it because she backs off, switches from firm, intentional, rubs to something softer, sweeter. "Keep going," Kara urges her, so close to begging for it she's already thinking please please please over and over again in her head. "It's not too much. I want it."

Lena laughs, low and breathy in her throat as she pushes two fingers inside Kara, crooking them just right so Kara moans, bears down. "I like when you get like this, even better than all the times I imagined it."

Kara doesn't know what to do with that, so she whines, fucking herself on Lena's fingers, hips rolling.

"You want to feel something nice?" Lena asks before she kisses Kara again, making it wet, hot. Kara opens her mouth and sucks on Lena's tongue, then her lip, trembling underneath the shifting weight of Lena's body in anticipation. Still thinking please please please in a messy loop, so close to coming from barely anything, just the idea of something more pushing her dangerously close to the edge.

"Please," she says even though she can already feel Lena's magic circling her thighs, spreading higher and higher with Lena's fingers still buried palm-deep inside of Kara, pumping out sweet and slow. It's such a good, hot, burn. Kara's knows it's just a matter of seconds before she comes once Lena starts adding in her magic. The feel of it spreading through her stomach alone sends her reeling, thighs reduced to trembles.

Lena chuckles against her mouth, the vibration of it making Kara's chest feel tight. It's so much at once. Her cheeks feel hot as her hand flies up to cover her face. Everything feels so good, Lena's fingers inside of her, Lena licking insider her mouth or pressing kisses to the side of it, the magic swirling hot inside her body. In seconds, Kara feels an almost unexpected orgasm wash over her, a series of deep, stomach-wrenching shudders as she pulses around Lena's fingers.

"Jesus," she whispers, writhing on the bed until Lena pulls her fingers out and just cups her, helping Kara calm her body down.

She feels relaxed like this. She feels good like this. Loved and calm and happy, and taken care of. She barely registers anything Lena's trying to say to her. She falls asleep just a quick as she did after the rune.

-

"I'm not sure if it was sex sex, but it felt like it," Kara explains, trying to lick the remnants of her morning blood from the cracks of her dry lips. It's like she goes through eight chapsticks a day. "I mean we both, you know, finished in the end, and that's what sex is about, yeah?"

She's absolutely not going to mention she didn't find out Lena finished until this morning, because that part isn't important.

"How aren't you sure?" Alex asks, and Kara taps the phone against her ear trying to figure out how to explain that one. "Literally. You two are the weirdest baby lesbians in the world."

"You don't know the half of it," Kara mumbles, kicking her toe against the living room table and sinking further into the couch. It's only Friday, which means Lena still has her classes, and Kara has to suffer through being home alone after what happened last night. It's only been a couple hours with Lena gone, but she already feels like she's dropping into a depression. Which is maybe why she's baring her embarrassing soul. "I guess it's just, she um, she did me, and then did herself too."

"Oh my god," Alex gasps, like she's choking on something. And Kara winces because that sounds so much worse than what it was. But at the same time it doesn't. Kara didn't do anything last night. "I thought I raised you better than a pillow princess."

"No, it's different," Kara groans. "It's not like I don't want to touch her, I just didn't get the chance."

"What do you mean didn't get the chance? If she's touching herself, just move her hand and replace it with yours. It's not that hard."

"Yeah, okay, except I was sort of like..." asleep, is what she starts to say, but she goes with a safer, "not ready yet."

Alex sighs, long and dumb in mock disappointment. "Did you at least think to return the favor this morning?"

"No, she has class. I didn't want to make her late," Kara says, tipping over on the couch and shoving her face in a pillow. She's an embarrassing excuse of a runemate. "I'll make it up to her tonight, honest, if she's in the mood."

"If she's not, then you get her in it. Shouldn't be too hard, she's either head over heels or this is a long-con to kill you."

Kara huffs and nearly says something dumb like shut up alex, we bonded, but she has a funny feeling that would make Alex even more alarmed about Lena Luthor than she is now. "I don't think it's a long-con," she says, simply, muffled against the cotton of the pillow. "And if it is, I don't care, I'd gladly die between her legs. She's so perfect. It'd be worth it."

Alex snorts. "You're fucking hopeless. This is the first time you've had semi-sex. She's not perfect."

"Whatever," Kara says. "I'm experienced now. I know what I'm talking about."

"Shut up," Alex laughs. "You've had two orgasms and one was an accident. And you've called me right after each one."

"Who else am I gonna boast to about my accomplishments? Eliza?"

"Please don't," Alex says, frown clear in her voice. "She's already more worried about you than I am. She spends a lot of time researching Lillian and all the LuthorCorp activities. She'd have a heart attack if she knew the extent you were canoodling with the devil's daughter."

"Good thing vamps can't have heart attacks," Kara says petulantly, mostly wanting to get off the topic of Lena, since now she's buzzing with all this information she can't spill the beans on. "Hey, I have a pretty serious question for you?"

"Yeah, shoot."

"Yeah..." Kara says, sitting up and clearing her throat. She wants to talk to Alex about her rune—the one from Alura—so she can dissipate some of the energy seated comfortably in her chest. She can't keep that a secret on top of everything else. She needs someone to share this with. "While we were touching and stuff, Lena asked about my birthmark. She asked if all vamps have one, and they don't, right? So I was wondering if you think it has anything to do with Alura and the Daughters having powers?"

Weirdly enough, Alex asks, "Are you just curious or are you really interested in finding out about it?"

"I'm really interested," Kara says slowly, rolling that question around in her head because something about it doesn't sit right. "I can't get my mind off it. Alura never told me much about it when she was alive, but I think I'd like to start knowing more about who I am and my history. Or, well. The history of the Daughters, I guess. Except I don't know who to ask to get the real information."

"Okay," Alex says. "I have an idea, but it's mostly just a feeling, so don't get your hopes up."

"That's better than anything I have," Kara says.

"True," Alex sighs, then, "Okay, so. When Alura asked Eliza and I if we could get you from the sleep chamber once it was safe after the war, she took us to this weird as fuck bar in the middle of the desert. At first I thought it was just a place she trusted to be secluded enough, no big deal. It's owned by some guy named J'onn, who was pretty low key, but didn't raise any flags. But I went back there a couple weeks ago to see if it was still there, and... the guy hasn't aged a day in over sixty years. He's definitely not human, and he's not vampire, and he doesn't smell like a wolf or a shifter. So he's some weird, unknown creature, and I think he knew Alura. I think she trusted him."

Kara really wishes Lena would do some squats or something, because, fuck, it's disconcerting how calm her heart beat feels right now. Kara is definitely not calm. "Did Alura say anything else to you and Eliza?"

"No. She was terrified, though, and I've never seen her terrified, so. I don't know. But everything she did was deliberate, so she had to have taken us to that bar for a reason. Something was up, and my best guess is that J'onn might know about it."

"Right," Kara says, licking her tongue out over her lips again. Alura always had her reasons and she never fucking told anyone what they were, so yeah. That sure as shit checks out. "So we're getting a drink tonight?"

"Yeah, 9:30, meet me there. I'll drop a pin."

-

Kara can't turn her brain off after the conversation. She lies on her back on the couch staring at the grooves in the ceiling and thinks about Lena and faeries and mysterious bars and Alura being terrified some time before she died. And she suddenly feels so small and so big all at the same time. It's like the world is vast and expansive and filled with all these things she doesn't know about, but—

But at the same time she somehow links them all together.

She wants to know what Alura knew, wants to know why vampires had faerie runes in the first place, why Alura never thought to explain it. She wants to know why no one knows about faeries, why none of this is documented, why everything is always a fucking secret. She wants to know, concretely, why she was made so many fucking years later than the other Daughters, why she was forced to feel like an outcast and left out of family meetings, why no one talked to her about anything important and forced her into being the black sheep and locked her in a fucking sleep chamber for twenty-four years that did nothing but scar her permanently with anxiety and nightmares.

She wants to know why it was so important to make her, if the sole purpose was to make her feel as useless and shitty as heavenly possible.

Kara feels mad by the time she's done thinking, feels worked up and edgy and like heats flicking down her spine, because she's never been important in her life and part of that goes to Alura-the-fucking-vampire-legend going out of her way to make Kara feel that way. She feels so angry she thinks about breaking things, but that never turns out well for beings like her.

So she throws on her jacket and takes a walk through the forest, instead—the sun blazing in her eyes as she chews her cheek until it's raw and counts the leaves on trees to clear her head. She walks and walks and walks and walks and walks, losing track of time, counting until her brain feels numb, until the air starts to feel chillier than when she started, and as soon as she sees the sun drop past the trees that make the horizon line, she thinks about the bar.

And then she thinks about Lena, and grabs her phone from her pocket.

Fuck.

She has sixteen texts from Lena and the last ones are burning like fire in her brain.

IMG-3089

hey, she texts back, then there's a long minute that passes before she sends, i have a lot on my mind, but it's not about the rune and it's not about you. i don't regret that, i don't regret you. i love you. i'll explain it all when i get home tonight. it'll probably be late.

She chews her lip a bit, then adds, last night was amazing and i have so many feelings about it, and m sorry im being dumb right now, but i swear it's nothing to do with you. i love you so much, lee. promise.

Then she turns her phone off and shoves it in her pocket, because as much as she loves Lena, she needs to figure this out.

 

She shows up to meet J'onn early, because she's too antsy about it. The bar is truly in the middle of nowhere desert—427 miles away from the dorm and so far away from anything else you'd have to be supernatural to get there or really fucking dedicated.

It's exactly the sort of place Alura would be found in, and it makes Kara's stomach twist thinking about it. Part of her knows Alura was measured, calculated, had her ways and her reasons. Part of her feels like if Alura was keeping her in the dark, then there was a reason for it, and she shouldn't go around poking bears. But the other part of her is curious, the other part of her is furious, the other part of her is wondering what it is that had the most powerful vampire in history terrified enough to create a disposable progeny, and then go on a suicide mission.

So she sits at the bar, alone in the space with the tables and the music, and watches the guy behind it take his time to clean a glass. He has big ears, dark skin and dark eyes and lines on his face that signal he's probably... seen things. And, weirdly, Kara can sense him, buzzing beneath her finger tips, low and humming and present, like the magic inside of her is trying to latch on to the... magic inside of him?

"You're a faerie?" she asks, voice low and scratchy, breaking the silence between them for the first time in the two minutes she's been sitting there.

He just shrugs and sets the glass on the counter, pops the cap on a bottle of blood and lets it relax a little, then pours it. "I'm J'onn," he says, like his name is more important. "And you're Alura's last daughter. She said you'd come, sooner or later, that you'd want answers."

"She could have given them to me herself," Kara says, taking the glass when he slides it in her direction, twisting it around and letting the silence settle over them. J'onn seems really good with silence. So Kara finally asks, "Why didn't she?"

"She said she wanted to let you come to it yourself," he says, leaning his arms over the counter and studying Kara like he's trying to commit her facial structure to memory. "Don't ask me what that means, those were her words."

"Is that it, then?" Kara asks.

J'onn shakes his head. "No. She left you something. I can't tell you much about that either, she told me not to look at it."

"And everyone just does what Alura says?" Kara frowns. "Even faeries, huh."

"Some information is too dangerous to be known, and I've lived long enough to see why that is. If Alura says it's for your eyes only, I don't want to open that can of worms for myself. You're more than welcome to, though." He pulls a large, old envelope from beneath the bar, paper of it yellowing and brown around the edges. It's like he sensed her coming. "Everything she left you is in here. All I can say is be careful."

"Everyone keeps telling me to be careful, like Lena or whatever the crap is in that envelope is anymore dangerous than me just living."

"I get that," J'onn says, sliding the envelope across the bar counter. "I was a Black man in this country before vampires became more hated than us. I just think this is bigger than human politics. But, it seems like you can take care of yourself. You got a faerie to bond to you, after all. Lena Luthor?"

"It's none of your business," Kara says, taking the envelope. It's embarrassing how much her hands are shaking just holding it, how nervous she's getting being this close to figuring things out. So she decides it can wait until she's home, can wait until she's not in front of J'onn or Alex or anyone and she can take some time to process everything that's going on. She tucks the envelope in the back of her pants, then fixes her jacket to keep it covered. "I don't need a lecture about the Luthors from you, too."

"Lena's light Fae, no matter what Lillian says," J'onn responds, and actually smiles a little, in the corners of his eyes. "No lectures from me, not about her at least. But your sister's almost here, and that's all I have for you."

"Alright," Kara says, and then she adds, "Thanks," because she feels like an asshole.

-

She tries to stay seated at the bar, tries to focus her mind on something other than what's in the back of her pants—the way J'onn meticulously cleans the glasses despite not a single customer—but no matter what she does, she still feels dizzy, like the air is too stuffy in the small building.

She decides to wait for Alex outside, tense in the brisk air, partially wanting to go back in, but she doesn't know what to say. So she shoves her hands in her pockets, and tries to channel her earlier anger to convince herself to go through with reading what's in the envelope, convince herself to not just hide it in a drawer once she's home. But that feels like more and more a possibility with each minute that passes, so she tries to clear her mind instead, drowns herself in the darkness as she stares into the black of the night sky and tries to fathom how there's so many stars.

She's thankful when she finally hears, "Hey," from on side of her. She's thankful for Alex's bright eyes and the strong smell of her leather jacket. She's thankful to have something else to focus on. "You ready to head in?"

"I already did," Kara says, and then she thinks really hard about what she wants to say next, and decides she's not ready to share about the envelope. She needs time. She needs to think. "He didn't know anything. Apparently Alura didn't trust anyone."

Chapter 7

Summary:

we'll pretend i posted this on christmas lmao. happy holidays everyone!

all typos and/or inconsistencies are my fault, but still blame my beta.

as always, hope you enjoy x

Chapter Text

She's thought about it so many times, over and over and over again: why did Alura pick her? Why did Alura make her?

She used to lie awake at night, thumbing the pendant on Alura's necklace like she was praying the rosary as she sifted through every inch of her human life she could remember, trying and trying and trying to search for a reason she was chosen. Alura had her reasons, she always did, Eliza used to say, but Kara's always needed a little more convincing.

The truth is: she hates that Alura left her something to find, left her answers to questions and not just mystery and secrets. The truth is: She wouldn't have minded hitting a dead end, never knowing about her past, just living day-to-day the best she can, living for Lena and love and happiness. The truth is: she hates this envelope. She hates what it stands for, what's in it. She hates it without even reading the contents, like it’s a blatant slap in the face for wanting to know too much. She hates the way it terrifies her, like she has to take it in alone, carry it on her shoulders, hide it away in fear of… god fucking knows what.

She hates the way it makes her feel like a wadded up two-dollar bill that's been through the wash too many times to recognize the Thomas Jefferson. She hates the way she feels right now, mostly, like she can't go home, like she's too antsy and weird and riled up to face the music. It's a cold night, but she doesn't want to be inside, she wants to spend some time with herself and think, chew on her thoughts and her messed up energy until she feels like something approaching normal again.

So she spends some time walking around the forest on the edge of campus, watching the moon grow big enough it feels like she could reach out and touch it, listening to the sounds of the nightcrawlers slowly disappear as the light drops low enough she starts to get the eerie-dark feeling. She wants to shove it all away, tell herself to stop being so melodramatic, that she bonded to a faerie and there's probably nothing in the envelope that can possibly be bigger than that.

She wants to tell herself to just call Alex up again, apologize and say there was something at the bar and she never meant to lie. She wants to tell herself that the why, how, or what she was made for will never be as important as what she actually does with her life. She wants to shake whatever this feeling is that's taking over her, but she can't.

So, she walks and walks and walks until she feels like her soul is tired. And then she decides she should probably head home.


She finds Lena in the common area, the one on the third floor that she hates, the one she says is always filled with the smell of hot pockets and depression, and grad students that haven't showered in weeks. Kara sees Lena as she's rounding up the stairs through the light of the hallway entrance—they see each other, rather—and she just knows she fucked up the moment they make eye contact. "Lena," she says, legs shaky as she walks over, close enough they don't have to talk too loud, but far enough she's still out of reach. "Hey. Sorry, um, you didn't have to wait up for me. I just had a weird day and needed to walk it off."

"Yeah?" Lena asks. She's sitting stiff on the couch and Kara can tell she's been crying.

So, Kara chews her lip and… digs her grave, honestly. She says, "Yeah, more or less," and watches Lena deflate, miserably. But, what can she say? J'onn said some things are better off not being known, and that's never the good shit, Kara knows that, so she can’t bring it up until she's sure she's not like, the fucking antichrist or something. "That's it, really."

"There's nothing else you want to tell me?"

"There's nothing else important," Kara sighs, almost convinced she's drained enough to get away with lying.

But Lena fucks that notion right away. "That's not true," she says, calm enough to make Kara nervous. Then she stands up, tense like she's one thread away from snapping, and adds, "I can sense someone else's magic on you. I could sense it the second I felt you coming up the stairs. It's pretty strong too, but I guess that's not important, right?" 

She shoulders past Kara and walks toward the stairs, and it feels a lot like they're fighting. Kara turns around and starts following her. "That's not true," she lies, like a complete dumbass, but her thoughts are racing through her meeting with J'onn, trying to figure out when and if he rubbed off on her. Trying to figure out how to tell Lena about J'onn without talking about Alura. Jesus, she hasn't - she just needs time to think. She just needs a moment. "You're the only faerie I know, I swear. I don't have anyone else's magic on me."

"Your defense is that I'm delusional?" Lena asks, starting up the stairs, voice falling like she's both angry and defeated. It hits Kara in a tender spot. She knows she's upsetting Lena, and she even knows how to fix it, but for some reason she can't get the words out and be honest because she doesn't want to face it. She said she wanted to know about her past, but now that the time has come, she can't. She just can't do it. Not yet, at least. "Thanks for letting me know, I guess. I'll just shut the fuck up, then."

"That's not what I'm saying, I just meant—"

"God, you know what's funny?" Lena asks, and it's not a yell, but it's loud. Then she slaps her hand against the railing and takes two stairs at once. Kara realizes she's let it spiral enough that it's going to be a fight even if she tried to put a stop to it and opened up right now. It makes her feel cagey, and that's counterproductive to ending this thing and getting them on the same page.

She wishses she didn't feel so dumb about this, but she can't shake it. She can't fucking shake it. All she's ever wanted was to have someone in her corner, someone to open up to. And she's aware she's found that with Lena, but. She can't right now. Fuck.

"I'm not having this argument in the stairway," Lena decides.

Kara wants to say she doesn't want to have this argument at all, not tonight at least, definitely not after last night. But she's smart enough to know when to stop digging, so she keeps her mouth shut until their apartment door is locked behind them, and Lena's facing away from her like Kara doesn't even deserve being looked at. It occurs to her, only now, that she turned off her phone after sending those text messages, and Lena's undoubtedly tried to contact her a lot since then. She feels so bad, like she fucked up enough she'd rather throw her phone away than face the fact she ignored Lena at her most vulnerable.

"What's funny?" she asks, small and quiet. There's no going around this, just through it.

She sees Lena clench her fists at her sides, and she wants to hug her, wants to get in bed and cuddle her until she doesn't feel like shit anymore, until Kara, herself, doesn't feel like shit anymore. The last thing she wants to do tonight of all nights is to fight Lena.

"You said you didn't know faeries existed," Lena starts, and Kara can already tell this'll go in circles unless she comes clean, which she would do, in all honesty, will do, probably, but she just wants some time with it now, just a little bit.

She spent a long time with Alura, barely even remembering who she was as a human, always confused about the why and what for and what was the point of herself, jealous she couldn't fly, like she was always holding everyone back. There are answers in this envelope for her and maybe it's supposed to make all that make sense, and maybe she comes out of this with a takeaway other than Alura was a masive asshole, and maybe she just has too many feelings about her past to talk about it right now.

But this will happen if she wants it or not, because she fucked up and Lena's still shaking, her voice soft and cracking and her back still turned when she says, "You were so quick to bond last night, and I thought it was just naïveté on your part. And maybe I was too caught up in the moment to slow down or see it, but now you've come home drenched in another faerie's magic, and it doesn't make sense if I'm the only one you know. It's not - it doesn't add up. Was this all a part of Alura's grand scheme to—"

"God, no," Kara cuts her off, taking a step closer, half a mind to grab her and shake her until she makes sense again. "This isn't - if Alura ever had a plan, she didn't let me in on it. I wanted to bond because I love you. I swear."

"Are you sure?" She turns around, cheeks splotchy like she's too close to crying. "Alura was so smart, I should have known that her last living progeny wouldn't want to bond to me out of, like—jesus I'm fucking dumb."

"You're not," Kara says, taking another step closer. "This has nothing to do with Alura, not the bond, our bond, that's me and you. We don't have to make it a bad thing, because it's not. It has nothing to do with her."

"Do you even know what it is?" Lena asks, and Kara… doesn't, so she won't embarrass herself by responding. "Do you? You agreed to it like it was the simplest thing in the world, but can you even fathom what it fucking is?" 

She doesn't care what it is; she wants to say that out loud, but she knows it'll come out bad, but it's the truth. She doesn't care what it is, because she did it for Lena, she did it for... god, she did it for herself so she could be close to Lena, and that's the fucking problem, isn't it? She didn't even care to ask or learn or figure out proper etiquette, didn't even have an extensive talk or discussion about the tradition, just rushed in headfirst when Lena was telling her she couldn't control herself. Kara should have known better. She should know better now, should open up and let Lena in. She owes her that. She fucking owes her that, but that doesn't make it easier.

"It's supposed to be about balance," Lena tells her, neck flexing because she's straining to keep from crying. Kara can see how close she really is, and she just wants to hold her. She wants to hug her, but she's not sure Lena wants to be touched. She needs to tell Lena what's happening and fix this, first. But it's like she's cursed, like she can't. "It's about putting partners on equal footing. In a bond you give away half of your magic, and your partner gives you half of theirs in return."

"I don't have magic to give you," Kara says.

And Lena says "I know," before she gets to respond, but I would if I could I'd give you all of it. "But I gave you half of mine, anyway, because - I don't know - because, it wasn't even a question in my mind, I just knew it's what I wanted to do. To have you and protect you and always be with you. But, if you die my magic dies with you. I don't get that back. I don't recover from that. It doesn't replenish itself or return to balance, it's just fucking gone. I gave you," she pauses, and she looks so sad, tears heavy on her eyelashes like she actually regrets this decision. "I gave you the most important part of myself, and then you disappeared the next day."

"Why would you do that?" Kara asks, frozen to her spot, because there's nothing she could ever do in this life or the next that would ever deserve Lena doing that. She barely deserves Lena's undivided attention, let alone the most important part of herself.

But she watches a tear fall down Lena's cheek, and fuck. It's so obvious. It's so fucking obvious, and Kara's such an asshole. All she thinks about is love, all she fantasizes about, all she wants, all she talks about, but the second she has to give up a little piece of herself, she cuts Lena off, when Lena - she gave it up willingly. Bonding to Kara was what true love looks like, not whatever the fuck Kara's doing to Lena right this second. She sucks at this, but she can try to fix it. She pulls the envelope out of the back of her pants before she thinks about it too long, and explains, as best she can, "I met up with a faerie, okay? You were right. But I didn't know he existed until tonight, honest, it's the truth," and Lena's eyes snap down to the brown of the envelope like it's offensive.

"It's magic," Lena says, and Kara thinks she hates that more than anything else tonight. "It's what I've been sensing."

"Alura left it for me," Kara explains. "I don't know what's in it. I really don't know, but it scares me thinking about what it could be, why she'd hide it, why she'd go through all this trouble to keep it from me, and I don't know what to do, because part of me just doesn't want to know. That's why I was out, okay? I've just been freaking out because, like, for so long it's just been this thing that I'd think about or get mad about or hate Alura for, this big mystery about what my life is, and I guess I'm all summed up with a piece of paper in a magical envelope, and it's hard for me. I was just processing that, okay? I wasn't – I haven't – everything we have is real, Lee. I swear."

She's crying herself, and it's so stupid because no one wants to see blood running down someone's face, but Alura is such a goddamn sore spot for her. She didn't keep her Maker from Lena all these years because she didn't want to tell her, but because she couldn't tell her. She can hardly think about Alura without crying or shutting down or getting angry. She even cut Alex off for bringing up their connection so much. She just can't talk about her, and maybe that's why this envelope is shutting her down so hard.

She's never communicated any of that to Lena though, so it shouldn't be a shock that her response is, "And you couldn't tell me that? After everything, all of the promises yesterday and things we said, and what I did, you couldn't even—"

"Lena," Kara cuts her off, because she really doesn't want to have this fight. She'd get fucking staked right now for Lena if it meant she'd stop crying. She's dumb, sure, but she loves her. "I'm nearly two-hundred years old, and—"

"Who cares? So am I, technically, if we're going off the human realm," Lena says, and okay, that's interesting. It's just not the point.

"I didn't know that, but can we bookmark it? Because I was just going to say—I'm nearly two-hundred years old, and I don't even know who I am or why I'm here, you know? So, I keep thinking all these things, terrified of what I'll find in the envelope, because what if I'm evil? What if Alura left me here for something bad? What if—there are so many things this could be, but I just know it's bad."

"You're literally the least intimidating vampire I've ever met in my life," Lena says. Kara wipes her face with the back of her sleeve, and she can feel the blood is already drying, so it's probably smeared now. Even worse. "What are you gonna do" Lena goes on. "Are you worried that you'll compassion someone to death? You're not evil, you're just dumb. I bet whatever's in that envelope will say as much."

"But, I don't know that," Kara yells, and Lena closes the gap between them to snatch the envelope.

"Oh my god," she says, pulling it out of Kara's hands. "You're fucking catastrophizing when all you have to do is open it and see."

"It's not that easy," Kara says, trying to snatch it back, but Lena turns around before she can. So she just hugs her from behind, instead, locking Lena's arms against her sides. "Give it back."

"Let me go," Lena squirms, "I didn't say you could touch me."

"Give me the envelope back," Kara demands.

"Give me my magic back," Lena says, petulantly, knocking the back of her head against Kara's chin as she squirms. "If I give it back, you're just going to shut me out again. It's what you always do, and I should have known you'd never change."

"I won't shut you out, I swear," Kara says, hugging her tighter so she'll stop moving some; she's surprisingly fucking strong. "I'm sorry, okay? And I know it only means anything if it's long and drawn out, but I need you right now, so can you just stop being angry."

"No, I can't just stop," Lena says, harsh, like it's actually her defense. She squirms particularly hard before she adds, "I'm a fucking faerie, a young one, too. Our magic is tied to our emotions, and it's not easy to control. So, if you're going to go through the trouble of getting me worked up, then you'll have to fucking deal with the aftermath."

Magic. If it's magic that's stopping Lena from calming down, then maybe talking isn't the right way to fix this. So, Kara does the only thing she thinks will work, a fucking long shot, but she closes her eyes and focuses as hard as she can, scrunches her face and concentrates until she starts to feel something. It's subtle at first, right underneath her skin, a buzzy feeling, pleasant and warm and familiar, but then it grows bigger and bigger until it's like a blanket coating over her, flowing through her, moving in and out of her like it's natural. It's her magic reaching out to Lena's magic, just like what happened with J'onn at the bar.

But it's so much better this time, lovelier and more breathtaking. It's intense.

"Stop that," Lena mumbles, a last ditch effort at being difficult as she melts against Kara. She goes limp enough that Kara has to tighten her grip, lulling into something soft finally. She's still trying to fight though, even though it's obvious her defenses are lowering. "You can't use my magic against me, s'not fair," she whispers. "This doesn't make how you're acting okay."

"I know it doesn't," Kara says, pressing her face against Lena's hair, holding her close. Lena's body feels so fucking warm pressed against Kara, so heavy and good and... god, she is hot. It feels like she's on fire, like she's heating up more and more by the second. "I don't want it to. I just want you to calm down so you can listen to me explain. I know I messed up, but this time - it's a piece of me I'd like you to understand, because then you really get why I messed up, okay?"

"Okay," Lena pouts, and Kara nuzzles in closer as Lena lets the envelope fall from her hands.

"This feels nice," Kara says, feeling heavy now herself, sinking further into Lena. "I wasn't sure I could do this, but I felt the faerie I met tonight, like my magic was reaching for him, so I thought it might work. Does this mean that m'like magical now?"

"Yeah, think you're an extension of my magic," Lena explains, voice slow and thick as her head falls to the side. Kara has to heft her up when her body sinks lower. "I don't know anything else, since, like, off the top of my head, I don't think I remember ever hearing anything about fae magic seeking out someone non fae. So, m'not sure how it works, but I feel settled, so I don't think I made the wrong choice. It feels - it feels good. It felt good, at least, and then you left today without saying anything," she finishes, sad and broken like Kara was gone for anything longer than half a day. "You were just gone. You were actually gone."

"I'm right here, I swear I—"

"No," Lena cuts her off. "I mean you left. I couldn't feel you anymore. I couldn't sense you. You cut me off and then you wouldn't respond to my texts or calls. All you said is you'll be back late and then you completely disappeared. My magic kept reaching out for you and not finding anything. I thought something bad happened, and I couldn't even feel for you to find out where you were."

"I didn't mean to do that," Kara says, loosening her grip on Lena enough for her to turn around and press her face into Kara's shoulder. She wraps her arms around Kara's waist underneath her jacket, and Kara snuggles her in a hug again and places a kiss to her temple. It's just as hot as the rest of her body, and Kara wonders for a second how she gets the magic to stop. "Honest, I just needed to focus long enough to get through that. I didn't want to talk right then, but it wasn't me saying I wanted to cut you off completely."

"The magic protects you, it's what it does. You probably didn't want to be found, and it made it that way," Lena tells her. It's all so intricate. Kara didn't realize she'd have to consider her magic or what it'd do when she's shutting down. "That's why you can't run off when you can't control it yet." Lena finally looks up and she's incredibly flushed, probably to match how warm she is, but thankfully she's not crying anymore. "I know that's partially my fault for just springing it on you, but you couldn't wait for for me to go to two classes?"

"Sorry," Kara admits.

"It's fine," Lena says, blinking up at her, really studying her face, clenching her jaw and swallowing and softening more the longer she looks at her. Finally, Kara sees the resignation on her face before she says, "Don't do that again. Ever. I'll let it go because I know you didn't mean it, but. Just don't do it again." Then she chews her lip a second, scrunches up her eyebrows, and frowns. "You're too pale."

"Yeah, I bet," Kara says, smiling a little and nudging Lena. It feels like a feat that she managed to stop this situation from completely going off the rails. Maybe she really is getting better at communicating. "Now's not the time for vampire jokes."

"Shut up," Lena says, and then she actually smiles back, nudging Kara with her fist. "I mean it, when's the last time you ate?"

"Um, like, this morning? But it's fine, used to go days without eating back when I was with Alura."

"Yeah, but when's the last time you went a single day without eating at least six times?"

"Fair point, I'll grab a blood," Kara says.

She walks into the kitchen and wets a warm towel to wipe the blood from her face. It takes a second to get it all, but once she does she heads for the fridge to grab a drink. She pauses though, when she hears Lena say, "Hey." She looks over and Lena's staring at her. "Could you come back? I wanted to ask you something before you grabbed your food."

Kara walks over without hesitation. She thought maybe they were okay again, but she could be misreading the situation. She can't keep walking away from Lena. "Are you still upset? I can try explaining better, but - I guess, sometimes I'm not the best with my words."

"No, you explained just fine," says Lena, and then she's silent a few seconds, before she adds, "I was just thinking."

It takes Kara a beat, but then she notices Lena focusing on her lips, and oh.  This is about that again, not about the fight. "There's no need," she says. "You don't have to prove anything to me, pretty sure I'm sold on you being a faerie."

"Right," Lena says, then, "I feel a little dizzy, can we sit?" Kara nods before she walks forward and grabs Lena's waist to help her sink down to the floor. Then she plops down on her butt on the carpet and shrugs off her jacket. She realizes her mistake instantly, because instead of sitting across from her, Lena crawls forward and climbs herself in Kara's lap again, straddling her waist like last night. It was this position that got them bonded in the first place, so whatever Lena's angling for she must really want it. Kara's not so sure she can put up an argument. "I think that's a little bit the point, though," she says, wrapping her arms around Kara's neck and scooting in as flush as they can go. "I'm not a human, so your no human rule doesn't fit with me. I think I'm perfect for consumption."

"You wanted to bite my head off two seconds ago," Kara defends. 

"Yeah, but then you did the thing with the magic, and—" she shifts her hips back, then forward, dragging hot across Kara's lap, "—I don't know, but I don't think it'd be a bad idea. I really want you to, honest."

"I guess I just don't understand why you'd wanna do it if it's not necessary," Kara says, putting her hands on Lena's hips and holding her still. "Is it just like a thing for you? You know, about something different than me feeding."

"That makes it sound like I'm dirty," Lena frowns.

"No, I mean does it, you know? Some people like, get off on it, sorry, don't know how else to say it."

"I'm sure it'd be pretty fucking sexy, but that's not my only or even my sole reason."

"Then what is your reason?"

"It's just, you know," Lena says, flushed and moving her hips again like she's getting off on this conversation alone. It doesn't really help her point, but it is cracking Kara, bit by bit. "Is it true faerie blood tastes different? Tastes better? You tasted it when we kissed, and I've heard stories that's why vamps were so interested in us back then."

"Yeah, it's amazing," Kara admits. "It's sweet and warm and it felt like... home. It felt like being in Krypton again, like it unlocked a happy memory I didn't even know I had. It was also just good, like eating for pleasure and not just for survival," she says, and Lena's hips snap against her like it's involuntary. Maybe she should stop. "I don't know, it's just amazing."

"I want that. I wanna give you that," Lena says, words tumbling out of her. "You're always saying how you went so long without feeding, how you were starving, how you were weak and sad and scared and fuck, you deserve to feed whenever you want, and not just the shit in the bottles. I just - I want to be yours to feed off of, I want you to have me after not having anything for so long, want you to be so satisfied that you stop being thankful for processed shit like you don't deserve better."

"Lee," Kara pleads, pressing her face against Lena's neck, so lightheaded she feels like she might faint. She doesn't know what to say to that, what to do with that. She doesn't think she deserves it, but Lena does, and she feels it so much her breath keeps catching talking about it. "You don't have to do that, you've already given me your magic, which is way more than I deserve."

"Babe," Lena pleads, and Kara actually snaps. The alarming part is that Lena snaps too, hot and gushing, her magic flowing through Kara like torrential rain through a gutter. This isn't good, it is not good. Kara can feel Lena's pulse throbbing against her lips and she wants it so much she aches. "I'm serious," Lena says, and then she whispers so fast and so rushed, "Iwannabeyoursustenance," that Kara nearly fucking misses it. Her head is spinning like a bicycle with no brakes on a San Francisco hill.

She pulls back to try reason again, but then she sees how dark Lena's eyes are and she kisses her instead. It's clumsy at first, like the other times they've kissed, except this time it doesn't stay that way. It's like they're more in tune now, maybe a consequence of the magic, but after a few seconds everything lines up and they just sync.

Kara lets Lena take control immediately, opening her mouth a little every time Lena kisses her lips, letting her take more when she wants it, letting her kiss Kara as slow or as frantically as she wants, hand cupping Kara's jaw to guide her where she wants her.

She can't keep her own hands off of Lena, either. She doesn't even want to. She lets them roam up Lena's thighs, trails them under her shirt and past her waist, up her stomach, supports the weight of Lena's breasts before wrapping her arms around Lena's back. She wants to touch all of Lena all at once—to apologize, to feel her, because she can have her—because Lena's unraveling just from Kara trailing her hands over her skin and it makes her feel so shitty about passing out last night, that she's fully prepared to do anything that Lena wants. She'd do absolutely whatever, and it helps that Lena hasn't been shy about saying exactly what it is she wants.

"We have to talk about it first," Kara decides, dropping her hands to grip Lena's waist, digging her thumbs in the waistband of her joggers. She's wearing Kara's joggers. And that's just another thing to add to Kara falling apart. "We need to discuss it. It'll make me feel better. I don't want to jump into this like we keep doing things, especially with something that can hurt you."

"Okay, I want you, and I want you to do it. I'm sure, I swear."

"I know," Kara smiles, trying to stay cool but she's definitely more flushed than she's ever felt herself. "I just meant like, we should discuss things like what to do when you want me to stop."

"I'll say stop," Lena huffs, and that settles that, then. She feels more hesitant when she asks, "Could you also, like, touch me a little? I know you're hesitant or, I don't know if you're even into that, but I don't need much. I can make it quick."

"I'm into that," Kara says, laughing this time. "I even told Alex earlier today that I'd make it up to you."

"Make what up?" Lena asks, shifting in Kara's lap.

Kara feels another blush spread across her cheeks. "I just - I felt bad after last night. Since I fell asleep right after and didn't get a chance to show you how inexperienced I am with this whole thing."

Lena snorts. "It's okay, you don't owe me anything. I know your life hasn't been fun and games up to this point, so take as much time as you need. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"But I don't want time," Kara says. She tucks a finger in the waistband of Lena's pants. "I want you now, and I'd prefer if you didn't make it quick, to be honest, but I'll take whatever you're offering." She snaps the elastic against Lena's hip, and Lena blinks up at her, heart pounding.

"Christ," Lena sighs. "C'mon, then," and then it shifts, familiar and new all at once, Lena pressing in to kiss her again and tugging Kara's lip with the sharp catch of her teeth. Kara breathes out hard through her nose, and Lena cups her jaw to guide her mouth so she's following Lena without really needing to think about it. She can feel their magic humming underneath it all, and that maybe the best part, how it lights up inside of Lena with every little touch from Kara, how it feels like it's growing the longer they kiss.

"This is my favorite outfit of yours," Kara mumbles, plucking at Lena's black t-shirt, the joggers hugging tight against her thighs as she squeezes her legs around Kara's waist. Lena can always make anything look good, but Kara always loses her mind when she happens to look her softest. She's seen Lena in everything from lace to tight dresses, but she still has trouble breathing when she hugs her in a sweatshirt.

Lena huffs out a low laugh. "It'd look better on the floor though, right?" Kara smiles, nodding, dizzy with happiness and the buzz of their magic. Lena pulls her shirt off, chucks it to the side, and then undoes her bra and throws it in the same direction.

Kara drinks her in. Her black hair cascading over her shoulders, some areas shorter than others because she convinced Kara they could do it themselves with a YouTube tutorial. It is what it is, it'll just grow back. Lena's never let Kara think anything she's ever done was or is bad, so Kara knows she fucked up for them to end up where they were today. Kara leans forward to kiss her collarbone, then lower, flicks her tongue over Lena's nipple. Lena hums out a sigh above her, tips her head back, and Kara gets an idea.

She flexes her fangs out so she can get ahead of them inevitably popping out on their own. They'd be a problem if she wanted to do anything with her mouth, so she can maybe touch Lena and address the feeding issue at the same time. "Hey," she says, grabbing Lena's attention. "I was thinking I could feed first, and that way I wouldn't be distracted from focusing my attention on you."

Lena tilts her head and slides her hair over her shoulder in response, but Kara was angling for something different. "Did you change your mind?" she asks when Kara hesitates. "It's okay if it's really not something you want. I know I want it, but I don't want you to feel pressured."

"No, that's not the issue," Kara says. "I don't mind trying it out. I just had a thought."

"Go on, then," Lena encourages.

"I was thinking maybe if I'm touching you while I'm feeding, it could work as a distraction. It'd feel nice and you'd notice the pain less."

"I don't mind the pain," Lena responds, but just as quickly, she adds, "That's a great idea, though."

Kara smiles, running her thumbs over the skin on Lena's hip. "I figured you'd like it, being spoiled and all."

"Hey, if I'm spoiled, it's because I deserve it."

"No one said you didn't," Kara laughs, "pretty sure I'm the one that spoils you the most."

Lena wraps her arms around herself, covering herself up. "It's how it should be. What's a bondmate for, after all?"

"Being better than I was today, I'm guessing," Kara comments.

Lena kisses her right away. "Water under the bridge," she says. "Besides, my reaction wasn't that great, either. It's not all you, okay?"

Kara presses Lena's hip as she says, "If you turn around I can start my apology for my portion of it."

Lena rolls her eyes and kisses Kara again, then she lifts up to turn the other way. Kara spreads her legs so Lena can settle between them, and she hugs her arms around Lena once she has her back pressed against Kara's chest. She doesn't know why it's always so calming having her face buried in Lena's hair. But it's just what she needs right now since she's about to do at least three things she's never done before.

"Show us your big idea, then," Lena says. She takes a slow breath as Kara slides her hand up her belly, and gasps when Kara cups her breast, cheeks pinking up when she looks down. Then, she tilts her head and slides her hair off of her neck. "Perfect angle." 

Kara ignores her neck for a second, opting to run her thumb over the nub of Lena's nipple instead. Lena keens into as soon as she squeezes, mouth falling open like it's not even voluntary. "You like the nipples, hm?" Kara murmurs, not sure if that's just a mental note or she's actually curious for the answer. She can feel Lena heating up again in her lap though, so she's sure she doesn't need words to confirm that. She circles her thumb lightly around Lena's areola, and watches Lena's body shake when she scrapes across her nipple again.

"Kara," Lena whispers, biting her lip. Kara bends down and kisses her neck, rubs her lips against Lena's skin. Lena lets out a shaky breath, shuddering a little when Kara licks out to taste her. Lena's been angling for this for so long, it's probably driving her crazy that they're so close and Kara's just teasing her about it. But Kara can't help herself—between the warmth of their magic and the warmth of Lena, the way Lena's struggling to breathe, it's all she can do to hold it all together and calm herself before she's supposed to like, actually drink her blood.

She needs a better distraction, she decides, because procrastination works as long as Lena is preoccupied. Kara slides her free hand to the front of Lena's pants and nudges the elastic, questioning, "Yeah?" against Lena's neck.

Lena lifts her hips as a yes, and Kara dips her fingers below the waistband. She hesitates once she's inside of Lena's underwear, trailing her fingers through the trimmed hairs and trying to psych herself up for what's next. Lena was so comfortable last night, went in with no hesitation, and Kara wishes she could do that, but nothing in her two-hundred-year existence has prepared her for this.

"It's okay," Lena whispers, sucking a long breath and sliding her hand inside her pants on top of Kara's. "I want you to see for yourself what I was trying to show you yesterday. It's actually ridiculous."

"I bet," Kara says, "sometimes I can sense it or smell when it's happening." Lena tenses underneath her and she clarifies, "It's not a bad thing or anything, I really like it. It's just - sometimes it's overwhelming or I convince myself I'm just imagining it."

"You're definitely not," Lena tells her. She pushes Kara's hand down farther in her pants, so Kara finally sucks up her nerves and lets herself explore. She's never bothered experimenting with her own body, which makes it both a shock and a delight when she dips her fingers in Lena's folds and experiences for the first time what wet feels like on her fingers. It's thicker than she expected, slippery and warm, and Lena feels so soft around her. She forgets all about her nerves in exchange for investigating every inch of Lena that she can. She wants to pull her hand out and taste Lena's slick again, but she figures maybe they can get there if only she'd get through the feeding bit.

She bends down and kisses Lena's neck again, so hot it'd be alarming if Lena weren't a mythical creature. "You still sure you want this?" she asks, a stupid question, really. But at least she gets to watch Lena flutter her eyes shut and bite her lip, twisting her hips against Kara's fingers. "Alright, then. I only have two rules for when I'm doing it: hold still so I don't end up hurting you, and make sure you breathe through it. If you're not doing both, I'll stop. And don't take that as a threat when it's for safety."

"Breathe and hold still," Lena says. "I got it, promise."

"Good," Kara says, licking her lips. Then, she kisses the spot on Lena's neck she wants to bite, rubs her lips against it, and prods it with the tips of her fangs just so it won't be a shock. She lifts her hand in Lena's pants and starts rubbing circles on her clit, before she closes her eyes and presses in. She can hear Lena hiss beneath her, but she otherwise keeps still while Kara punctures the skin with her fangs. They're sharp enough it shouldn't feel terrible, but her chest still clenches knowing Lena felt anything pain related because of her.

She pulls out when she's done piercing the skin and retracts her fangs, but she makes sure to ask, "Still good?" before she starts drinking.

"Yeah, perfect," Lena mumbles, leaving her lips parted as she takes in slow breaths.

She's doing everything Kara asked her, so it's only right Kara goes through with her part. Until now their magic has been a comforting lull in the background, but the second Kara licks the spillover of Lena's blood from where she punctured, she can feel it branching out inside of her, spreading warm over her skin as she leans in and sucks from Lena's neck. The magic feels inviting, protective and warm, which only adds to how addicting the actual taste of Lena is. It's like the blood from the kiss was just a teaser, because having it gushing into her mouth makes her feel drunk almost, more intoxicating than the blood beer and better-tasting than even the most exquisite animal blood Kara's had. It goes straight to her head, makes her feel hazy, so she gets a rush the second she pulls up to catch her breath. She spends a few minutes being as careful as she can, trying her best to leave nothing more than a hickey and not a full-on bruise, and when she finally feels the blood start to settle inside of her, she decides she's had enough. She doesn't want to push it too far.

"All done," she announces, licking the red area around the holes in Lena's neck. Then she pulls her hand from Lena's pants and bites her wrist, placing it close in front of Lena's mouth. "Drink so you heal up," she instructs. "We can talk about it after."

She flicks Lena's nipple as she waits for her to finish drinking, smiling when she feels Lena nibble into her skin. "Was it filling?" Lena asks, pulling off with the bruise just hardly fading from her neck. Kara won't challenge her on it though, knows Lena probably loves the idea of being marked up, considering everything else she's been into. "You can have more if it wasn't."

"No it was good," Kara says. "It was great, actually. I don't think - I didn't know it was possible for anything to taste that amazing."

"I wish I could experience it like you do," Lena says. "Yours is mostly just metallic for me."

Kara laughs, nuzzling down against Lena's hair. "I wouldn't wish being a vampire on you, alright? I think you're better off enjoying all of the human and fae food you get to eat, rather than relying on synthesized blood."

"But, you don't need the synthesized stuff now that you have me. I don't mind being your main source."

"We can discuss it," Kara sidesteps, "but right now I'd rather do something else."

"Like me?" Lena asks, and Kara flicks her nipple again in response. Lena smiles and turns her head to kiss Kara's jaw. "You could just finish what you started with your hand, surprised I held out while you were feeding, but focusing only breathing actually helped."

"I'm full of great ideas," Kara smiles. "Even have another one."

"I'm all ears," Lena says.

Kara takes a deep breath to ground herself, gently scratching her nails along Lena's skin. "I was thinking maybe I didn't have to finish with my hands. I don't think my fangs will be an issue since I'm full, so - maybe my mouth is an option? But only if you feel comfortable."

"Oh," Lena says, and then she's silent long enough for it to be painfully noticeable. Maybe Kara's feeling herself, but a large piece of her thought Lena would just jump on the offer. Finally, she says, "I've never like, done that before."

Kara laughs at that, hugging herself around Lena even more to pull her in closer. "You don't have to - what do you mean? You've dated all those guys, I thought. How could they not want to—"

"It wasn't all those guys," Lena says, and Kara doesn't have to see her mouth to know she's frowning. "It was two guys, and I only dated them to make you - to get your attention. I was never in it to actually do anything with them. They're not you. I've always only wanted you."

"Then how'd you learn to make your magic feel that way? It just seemed like you'd done it before."

"I'm fae, it's just natural," Lena says, but Kara feels like that's only partially true. She's feeling bolder about teasing Lena, so she just hums mhmm mockingly into her hair, lifting both her hands to cup Lena's breasts. She doens't have to do much to get a reaction from Lena, feels her breath catch just from Kara gently squeezing them together. That's a large part of the motivation Kara wants her mouth between her legs. She thinks it'd be amazing feeling Lena react from there. "I mean, it's obvious, isn't it?" Lena trails on. "I was once a very horny teenage faerie. I don't know, like. My magic has always felt more reactive than everyone around me."

"Except that was what? Hundred eighty years ago?"

"In this realm, yes, I technically was here two hundred years ago," Lena says, moaning when Kara pinches her nipple a bit roughly. "I grew up mostly in the faerie realm, though. Time moves a little differently there, so I've only really experienced what's felt like twenty years."

"So, what you're saying is you're still a teenage faerie."

"Shut up," Lena giggles. 

Kara laughs, too. "Has your magic ever latched on to someone like it did to me? Like another faerie?"

"No, just you. That first night I met you it lit up in a way I'd never felt before. At first, I thought it was just signalling that you were someone important, just pointing me in your direction, but lately it's felt a little more... obvious about what it wants."

"I'm sorry," Kara says, "must be annoying having feelings you can't control."

She wonders if Lena would have been interested in her if her magic hadn't dragged her to Kara, if it hadn't been so adamant. But, like she's read Kara's mind, Lena says, "They're not separate, you know. You'll figure it out soon enough, but your feelings and your magic are in tune. Your magic only amplifies what's good for you and tries to steer you away from what's bad. But, it's all like, playing on your gut feelings. Sorry, I can't really explain it. It's not controlling, though. Everything is intertwined."

"No, I think I get it," Kara says. "Like if I feel off about something, the magic just amplifies it so it's more obvious."

"Yep, and it also senses danger you're unaware of, like when you're being attacked."

"That's useful," Kara says.

"Very," Lena says, "so, your mouth."

"Mhm," Kara hums, "but only if that's okay. If you're nervous we can keep doing this. Just the fingers."

"I'm not nervous when I'm with you," Lena says. And, like she's proving it, she disentangles herself from Kara and shuffles a few feet away, then flips around and lies flat on her back with her knees bent, legs slightly parted.

The surreality of the situation hits Kara when Lena lifts her hips and starts to roll her joggers down, when she's just in her underwear and Kara can see little glowy bits prickling up on her skin. She decides to focus that instead of how overwhelmed she's getting. It's a good overwhelmed, anticipitory and exciting, but it's still a lot of nervous energy she's unsure what to do with.

"What's happening here?" she asks, crawling forward and touching her hand to a spot of light on Lena's skin. She watches it spread out to a full... rune? and stares at it amazed. Lena must have at least a dozen or more of them. "Are they runes?"

"Yeah," Lena breathes, a beautiful shade of red cascading down her chest as Kara scans her body. Kara can't tell if the blush is about the runes or because she's naked. "I can make them go away, it just feels better when I'm not masking myself."

"No, keep them," Kara says. "I wanna see them. Fully, if you can, like how mine is just on my skin." Lena nods, takes a breath, and then a second later the runes start to spread out, appearing across her body - full sleeves of runes down her arms, one spread out on her ribcage underneath her breasts, another on her hip, and more circling her thigh. "Why do you have so many?"

"It's tradition," Lena explains. "I'm supposed to be like, basically the queen of the dark fae once I'm old enough to take over for Lillian. So all the dark fae elders gave me runes in case I'm ever in danger. I can channel their magic to call for help."

"This one looks like the one you gave me," Kara points, then traces her hand over the red patch on Lena's bicep. "Is it from your mom?"

"Yeah," Lena says, then rushes out, "I'd rather we talk about them later."

"Okay, but did you say queen?" Kara asks, sliding back, positioning herself in front of Lena's knees.

Lena blinks a few times, then shrugs. "It's not a big deal. It's not like I did anything special for it other than being born in the right family. I don't really care about the title," she mumbles, and Kara gets the feeling that's an off-limits topic, so she drops it.

She leans forward and tugs at the elastic of Lena's underwear. "Can I take these off, too?"

Lena nods, lifting up and clumsily helping Kara tug them off. Kara wants to kiss her a bit, but she's afraid she'd get caught up too long, so she settles down between Lena's legs instead, stretched out on her belly, and places a kiss to her hip bone. They have all the time in the world for kissing. She can worry about this right now. "If it's too much, you can always say stop to this, too. Just like the blood."

"I know," Lena says, blinking down at Kara. She looks nervous, but she also looks sure, like she wouldn't rather be anywhere else. "Last night you said you've wanted to do this. Does that mean you've thought about it?"

"Yeah, I've thought about it a lot," Kara rushes out, and feels embarrased right away. "Is that okay?"

"Of course, it is," Lena says. Then, she tips her head back and closes her eyes, legs falling open in front of Kara It feels like a proper invitation, so Kara wets her lips and shifts lower. Her shirt snags up her belly on the carpet as she angles to get a good look between Lena's legs, and it feels fitting that Lena's heart rate picks up the second Kara sees how wet she is.

They're finally sinking up and the beat in her chest is matching the feeling of the moment. So, she wets her lips again, just for good measure, and leans in close enough that the smell of Lena drowns out all of her other senses.

It takes her half a second to realize she doesn't know what she's doing, but she stays calm and closes her eyes, thinks about Lena's hands last night and imagines what would feel nice with her mouth. She wants to ask for instructions so she has a place to start, a prompt so she doesn't fall to pieces, cut open by her own desire to do and touch and figure out every little thing. But Lena said she was close ages ago, so Kara figures she should stick with what would feel best. She really liked when Lena put her fingers inside last night, so she starts there - nuzzles in and places her tongue flat against Lena's hole. Lena squirms underneath her, slight arch in her back as she gasps for air. Kara licks up a slow strip and its so wet she can feel the slick coating her tongue, so she has to swallow before she licks out to taste Lena again.

The problem is that she could do this forever, lick Lena clean then tease her until she's messy again. She could spend hours between her legs with no real goal, forget that coming is supposed to be a thing and lose time getting lost in the smell and taste and feel of everything. She wants to do that now, casually eat Lena out until her jaw feels too tired to move and Lena's melted into something too pliable for her own good. But Lena's so reactive, breaths getting caught in her throat, chest stuttering as she swallows, little moans and noises leaving her mouth that sound more unintentional than anything else. They're both too fucking into each other for this to last any real amount of time. So, as hot as it is that Lena's so touch starved she's gagging for it, it doesn't exactly make a good recipe for drawing it out.

She still takes it as slow as she can manage, takes her time licking Lena out before she inches up to pay attention to her clit. Lena's hands are tangled deep in her curls, so Kara can feel her nails starting to dig in her scalp the second she lets her breath hover over her clit, tense with anticipation. It's as red and swollen as everything else, so Kara moves in gently at first - leans in for a soft kiss before slowly opening her mouth and pressing her tongue to it. She lets herself salivate without cleaning it up, lets her spit drip over Lena so it's even messier when she finally starts to suck, the slickness of it sounding so sloppy she humps the floor herself. She feels more turned on than she ever has before, and Lena hasn't come close to touching her. She doesn't know if it's the magic, or if it's just this, but she swears the heat inside of her is thick enough she can feel it like pressure, like pain, rolling thick from her abdomen to her pelvis in waves.

She loves this, she keeps thinking, like if she can't locate a better reason for her creation she's satisfied surmising she only exists to live between Lena's legs. It's a nice enough fantasy after her rollercoaster of emotions earlier, so she gets lost in it and nearly misses the shift from Lena being more or less relaxed underneath her to her entire body stiffening up.

Her first thought is to stop and check in on Lena, but then she thinks what if this is Lena coming, and it feels rude to suddenly stop and ruin the moment. She keeps licking Lena just in case, softly sucking her clit as Lena goes from tense to shaking, and just when it feels like Lena's maybe riding out the last of it, Kara starts to feel a little tingle. It starts off distant, a tug somewhere in the back of her brain. Kara can't explain how she even notices it, but the sensation of it gets larger and larger and only registers for Kara as magic a split second before it pushes through her body and she comes herself, pulling her face off Lena so she doesn't accidentally bite down, shoving her hips against the carpet rough enough she can feel the button on her jeans digging sharp into her skin.

She feels as embarrased as she is aroused by the time she finishes, so she kisses Lena's clit one last time and quickly lifts up so she can bury her face in Lena's neck as fast as possible. Except that becomes an issue when she sees that Lena's eyes are... glowing. They're white like her hand gets when she has magic concentrated in it, and Kara wonders if that's the reason she came at the same time as Lena. Regardless, she can ask that question later. Right now, she's more worried about the fact that Lena's blinking like she doesn't know where she is.

"Are you okay?" Kara asks, gently touching the tips of her fingers to Lena's thigh.

"Kara?" Lena asks, her voice soft in the air around them.

Kara smiles. "Can you hear me?"

"Sort of," Lena says. "I feel so out of it."

"Your eyes are white. That's a normal thing, right? I shouldn't be worried?"

She watches as Lena flushes a deeper shade of red, inching her hand to her face to cover one of her eyes. "Yeah, it's just embarrasing," she admits. "You can think of it sort of like your fangs, can't control it yet when I'm overwhelmed."

"Oh," says Kara. That makes sense. "In a good way?"

"Of course," Lena smiles. "Come cuddle. I'll settle down in a bit, might need a nap."

Kara settles down against her side and buries her face in her hair before pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Hope that makes up for ealier," she says, "but if not, I'm fine with thinking of other ways to apologize."

"Like I said," Lena whispers, "water under the bridge. We can open your envelope once I wake up."

Kara's still unsure about that, so she says, "Don't worry about it."

"But I'm already worried about it," says Lena. "It has a blood seal on it and I really want to know why someone went through the trouble."


Chapter 8

Summary:

hi, im back! Yay! I think this chapter count is mostly final, we'll see. my outline says i can do it in 4 more chapters, so ;pppp

anywho, all typos, mistakes, continuity errors, etc are all my fault despite having someone try to save me.

hope you enjoy anyway! <3

Chapter Text

Kara actually reads the texts. She figures it's more responsible than throwing her phone away, so while she's waiting for Lena to wake up, she finally pulls it out and reads every single one of them. They're like a sobering slap to the face, a chaotic mix of Lena devolving and apologizing and freaking out and Kara just ignoring it all. She feels more and more like shit the longer she scrolls down the screen, the more she reads Lena panic and catastrophize and keep pointing out that Kara's never done this before.

God, she's an idiot. There are a million different ways she should have handled this, and she can't figure out why her mind landed on completely shutting down when she knows Lena's in her corner. She proved it, she's proved it, over and over and over again.

She's put it all on the line and laid her soul bare and apologized while doing it, and Kara feels like she just. She let her down.

She could have done better, and she knows that, doesn't want to downplay the fact she fucked up, but still. This time felt different. It's not an excuse, really not meant to be, but she also knows she hasn't had a wave of emotion hit this hard in a really long time. She can at least give herself credit for that. She's always had feelings about Alura, deep beneath the surface, always had a blur of love and heartbreak and resentment sitting at her core, because there's so much shit she doesn't know that Alura could have answered, that Alura could have shed light on. So, it felt different today just knowing that answers could be around the corner, actually having something handed to her from Alura herself, finally getting to the point where she might be figuring out what about her was so special, made Alura hide her away, made her make Kara in secret.

It just, it hit her like dynamite, an unexpected rush of feelings, all the shit she's tried to push down flooding back to her mind like old bodies floating up from a riverbed after a storm. She felt sad and anxious and afraid and angry, and maybe she didn't want Lena or Alex or anyone else to see that side of her, and maybe she's scared she's something bad, but she still knows she should have trusted them.

The little voice inside her head, the one that always has 20/20 hindsight vision is shouting that she should have trusted both of them the moment she was given the envelope. But she didn't.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, turning to kiss against Lena's hair.

"Hmm?" Lena hums, burying herself more into Kara's chest, sliding her thigh over Kara's and tangling their legs. She stills after a second, then she hums again and asks, slow and groggy, "For what?"

"Nothing," Kara says, because they can always talk about it later. "Just get some sleep, alright?"

"It's okay," Lena mumbles. "Give me a couple minutes, we'll open up your envelope."

"We don't have to, not right this second."

"Yeah we do," Lena says, like she's sure, and Kara's honestly relieved. "This means a lot to you, no point in drawing out the suspense anymore. Whatever is in there, whatever happens, I'm here, okay?"

Kara can feel their magic blending together, like they're interlocked puzzle pieces, and it feels so good knowing she doesn't have to second guess trusting every single thing Lena says. "I know you are," Kara tells her. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Lena says, then starts to rub the sleep away against Kara's shirt. She lifts her head after a minute, presses her mouth against Kara's cheek and smiles. When she lifts up to hover above Kara, her lips are dry and pink, but she licks them before she presses them to Kara's, moving her head so their lips drag together, too wet between them. "Am I being too much?" she asks, pulling away, lifting her hand to thumb against Kara's jaw. "I know I'm a lot to handle, especially now that I'm not masking as much or suppressing my magic, but I feel like I want to kiss you all the time and touch you, and I know that's new for you and you've had a lot of scary nights in your past, and. I don't know, when I'm around you I just feel like a mess. But I still want to be respectful. So if you ever want space just tell me, okay?"

"Lee," Kara says gently, making Lena gasp against her mouth as she tilts her head. For once, Kara's actually sure about something. "I don't need space from you. I want you right here. Always."

 

It's a gradual thing, but over the next fifteen minutes of Lena forcing herself awake, them kissing too much, them collecting the envelope and sitting with their backs against the back of the couch, Kara feels all of her anticipation being replaced inch by inch with nerves.

So by the time they're all set up, with nothing standing between them and doing this, she feels so jittery she has to hide her hands in her lap.

"I'm the one that should be sorry," Lena admits, fiddling with the envelope in her hands. "Just wanted to get that out there in the open."

"It's okay," Kara shrugs, going for casual while really her mind is buzzing. She can't stop thinking about what happens next, what it'll mean, if there's even a chance it can be anything positive. She's just, trying her best to prepare for the absolute worst, telling herself it's okay, it's okay, whatever's inside of it doesn't matter because you'll still have Lena, it's okay. "Take your time, it's no rush, you'll figure it out."

"Oh no, not that," Lena says, placing the envelope in front of her crossed legs on the living room floor. Her runes went from glowing to this burnt reddish color at first, but now they've settled into a lovely deep brown, almost like they're henna and not magical fae tattoos. Kara convinced her to put her shirt and underwear back on, but she seemed unnaturally content to just stay naked, which makes Kara wonder if that's a magic thing or a Lena thing. "I know how to open the envelope, I just meant sorry about earlier."

"Oh," Kara says. "You don't have to keep apologizing. You said the short temper thing. Plus, I was a total jerk, so. It's okay."

"Babe," Lena smiles, grabbing Kara's hand and pulling it into her lap, lacing their fingers together. "I'm trying to open up to you about fae things, could you let me for like, two seconds? I promise we're opening the envelope right after."

"Oh, of course, didn't mean to sound impatient, I'm just. Distracted."

"No, that's understandable. I just feel like an asshole, and I want us on the right page before we do this."

"Hey," Kara says, squeezing Lena's hand tighter, leaning down and nosing against her shoulder. "I heard you, I promise. You gave me half your magic, and I just disappeared the next day. That's huge, so I think I'm the butthole, here."

"No, it's more than that," Lena mumbles, shifting like she's shy about what she has to say. "It's just, other magical beings aren't supposed to be able to put magic on you. Once we bonded, I sort of claimed you for my own. So, when I sensed someone else's magic on you, I thought you were rejecting mine. Which is offensive, you know? I felt a little violated."

"It was just the envelope, I swear," Kara says, which is the least important part of that. "You claimed me?"

"You didn't want me to?" Lena frowns.

Kara laughs, can't help herself, nudges Lena's shoulder again with her nose. "I wanted you to. I don't want anyone's magic but yours."

"Don't be silly," Lena says. "It's only natural to get magic from others, but only once I've approved of it."

Kara rolls her eyes. "I don't know the proper etiquette for magic, but I'll do the thing that makes you the most happy."

"Good, then," Lena says, smiling, satisfied. "So back to the important bit. The blood seal on the envelope just means it can only be opened using the person's blood that did the original spell. Or someone from their bloodline. If Alura hid it away to give to you, I'm guessing she made it."

"How are we supposed to get her blood, then?" Kara asks, and feels dumb the second the words leave her mouth.

Lena pauses a moment, then says, "I'm not exactly a vampire expert, but when someone makes you, aren't you literally made from their blood? Or am I missing something there?"

"No, you are correct," Kara nods.

Lena snorts. "So that means you can open it, too. I'm pretty sure."

She smiles after that, and Kara feels herself relaxing a little, leaning against Lena. "So how does the blood part work, then? Do I cut my hand and drip it on the envelope?"

"No. It's not that dramatic," Lena smiles even bigger, rolling her eyes. "You can just poke the tip of your finger with your fang, and then you have to touch the envelope. Blood magic can be fairly simple, but it's pretty secure for things like this."

"I touch it with a little blood and we're in?" Kara asks, unbelieving, there's no way they're this close. "That's it?"

"Did you want there to be more? I can shoot sparkles out of my fingers when you do it."

Kara's so nervous, she'd rather play along than get on with it. "Different colored sparkles or just a bunch of white lights?"

"You'd be surprised what I can do," Lena says, rubbing her hands together. "And this is just in this realm, I'm much better in the faerie realm."

"Can do a whole Disney show, then, can you?"

"Could even put on a lace Tinkerbell skirt and do the whole flying bit myself," she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "But first we have to do this, don't we? It's what you've been waiting for."

"I guess we do," Kara agrees, rubbing her palms on her pants, letting her fangs flex out. This is it.

It's going to be fucking disappointing.

It's the one thought she allows herself to think as she pricks her finger, because if she's come to trust anything about shit to do with Alura, it's that it always ends up being disappointing. She won't let herself hope for more than that.

"Wait a second," Lena says suddenly, covering Kara's hand. "Is English your first language or like, the one you like the most?"

It's an odd question, but it gets their focus off the envelope again, so Kara entertains it. Truthfully, English is more like her fourth language, but the one she loves the most is the one she got from Alura, the one she only spoke with the other daughters. It made her feel like she was actually a part of their badass family, like she was in on an inside thing. "It's not. I love this other one, but no one really speaks it anymore. Alura taught it to me, though, and I used to speak it all the time when I was with her. I've tried to look it up, but I can't seem to find it or figure out a name for it, might have been something she made up herself."

Lena's face lights up more the more Kara talks, and that actually feels more important than the envelope. "I have this language rune," she says, flipping her hand to show the inside of her wrist. "I learn languages really fast by just listening for a bit. If you speak your language to me, I can talk to you in that, and maybe it'll make you feel more comfortable. It's worth a shot, right?"

"Okay," Kara says.

But she only gets ten words into the language before Lena snaps her hand over Kara's mouth, then removes her hand, then covers it again, then leans in and kisses her hot and fucking wet. She licks right against Kara's lips, sucks until she opens her mouth, dives right into it once she does. It's so intense Kara feels embarrassed they're doing this right in front of Alura's language and her envelope.

"Holy crap," Lena whispers, pulling her mouth away. "That's fae. You're speaking fae language. How'd you - you're so incredible, wow."

It's a little weird to hear that, but Kara won't let her curiosity dampen the pure excitement in Lena's eyes.

So she lets herself feel happy with her, spends a few minutes chatting back and forth in fae language until the envelope feels less daunting and she's even more charmed by Lena.

It's an overall crazy experience, but it's a good one.

 

The second time she pricks her finger, Lena doesn't stop her. They're settled again, mentally ready, both less anxious and just want it over with.

Kara's so focused on what's inside the envelope, that when she touches her blood down to it and it starts shifting right in front of her eyes she jumps, shoulder hitting Lena hard enough, Lena wraps an arm around her.

"It's okay," Lena comforts. "Fae magic loves turning things into other things, it's not that shocking. Let's just see what it turns out, yeah?"

"Okay," Kara nods, and tries to slow her breathing down.

It takes a couple seconds, but eventually it's obvious that it's taking the form of a book—old, big, brown leather with a strap around it and a buckle. It looks heavy and important and it makes Kara's chest clench up literally

It's weird, but she feels so fucking unsettled the second the transformation is complete, unhinged in a way she can't describe, like the whole mood of the apartment is off suddenly.

It grips her like fear. The air gets sucked right out of her lungs, gushing hot from her throat like she's continuously being slugged in the stomach. Her magic is stirring too, twisting and twisting, coiled and angry and edgy like a supercharged fight or flight response, like it's ready to jump out of her and attack at any second. She can't figure out why, but she knows she does not like this book. Her magic doesn't like this book. She can tell Lena's feeling it too, can see the way her hand shakes as she runs it over the cover, fingers tracing the letters delicately like something might jump out of it if she presses too hard. It's like it's an omen, like an eerie, icky thing that shows up in horror movies to signal shit is bad bad and they should maybe run the other way to have any hope of surviving.

Kara's just about to suggest that, just about to ask if they can chuck this book out the window along with whatever this fucked up feeling is that came along with it. But Lena speaks first. "Jesus," she whispers, blood rushing out of her face, away from her neck and ears and all the other places she's usually flushed, until she's more pale than Kara's ever seen her before. "This is dark magic."

"What does that mean?" Kara asks, biting back the urge to follow up with a million more questions, shoving her hands between her thighs, biting her lip, trying to swallow down the sour taste in the back of her throat.

"It's a book that's—" Lena starts, then she swallows and takes a deep breath, blinks incredulously at the book before going with, "One of the most powerful things you can do as a faerie is use your magic to enchant things—books, weapons, relics, anything you can think of that can serve a purpose beyond you. The spells are really complicated, and it literally takes you sacrificing part of your magic, but the things you create can be more powerful than you are yourself."

That makes sense, Kara thinks, shivering because it feels like the creepy sensation is crawling over her skin. There's no way this is mental, this book is attacking her. "So, this book is enchanted?"

"Yes, but it's enchanted with dark magic," Lena repeats, pulling her hand from the book, shaking more even though she's stopped touching it now. Kara's never seen her quite like this before, not even remotely close to this shaken up since their encounter with the police officer. "Dark fae and light fae don't agree on a lot of things, but we all get our magic from the source. Dark magic exists outside of that, like a counter point to the source, a balance."

"What's the difference?" 

"The source is all about free will and choosing. It's like a guide, tries to nudge us in the right direction, but it doesn't force us to do anything. With dark magic—" Lena cuts off, pressing her eyes against the backs of her thumbs. "I don't know how to describe it properly for you to get the weight of it, but. Enchanting something with dark magic is a line that even the most ruthless, nasty, lawless, murderous, all around not good dark fae would never cross. It costs you everything, your connection to the source, your—what humans would refer to as their humanity, you lose that.

"So, it's like becoming a vampire, then?" Kara asks, because she lost her soul, her humanity, a long time ago if you ask anyone other than a vampire. She doesn't have much left to lose in that case.

Lena looks so sad after she says it, though, makes her want to take it back.

"No, that's not—it's not like that, okay? When you give up your connection to enchant something with dark magic, you lose your autonomy, you become a puppet for spreading bad shit and chaos into the world. Dark magic is all about driving you to do what it wants, stomping out everything it can that's connected to the source."

"But we're not enchanting anything, right? We'd just be using this book. Someone already sacrificed for it." Kara has to clench her teeth right after she says it, because she gets a head rush stiffer than she's ever experienced, gets a flood of something pulling her towards the book.

"Babe, it's—dark magic is always the worst solution for the wrong reason. The simple act of using it can be just as bad as enchanting something with it. It'll take any chance it gets to corrupt you, so even a small opening like this can be enough. We should not use this book, Kara."

"Lena," Kara begs, out of breath, head floating away, thinking thinking thinking that she wants to open the book. What the fuck is happening.

"I'm serious," Lena says, grabbing Kara's hand, cupping it inside both of hers until it's heating up between them, snatching Kara back to reality. It has to be a magic thing she's doing, Kara can feel it spreading, trailing up her forearm, coiling around her bicep. This must be something serious if Lena's leading with using their magic connection. "You know the lore about wish granting? How western culture views genies or Jinn. That's what it's like using dark magic—you'll get what you want, but it won't be how you want it. I know you have a thousand questions and you're probably really curious about it since Alura left it for you. But I'd really like to show you something before... if you're absolutely going to use it, you have to see this first."

"See what?" Kara asks.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then I'll take you there," Lena says, letting go of Kara's hand. "It's a lot better if I show you than tell you."

What does that mean? Kara wants to asks, but Lena's hand is glowing in front of them before she can properly form the words.

So she stays quiet, transfixed by it, watches as Lena presses her fingertip forward and starts drawing lines furiously across the cover of the book, bright white magic against the brown of the old leather. It looks less like she's drawing on a rune with these strokes and more like scribbled words in a written language Kara can't recognize, focused and precise and serious, lip tucked under her teeth as she swoops each line carefully.

She finally stops about a minute later, pulls her hand back and takes a deep breath, and then they both watch silently as the book reverts back into an envelope, sucking in all the dread it brought with it like it was never there. It's actually quite magnificent to see up close.

 

Kara grabs on her jacket after they hide the envelope away, slips into her running shoes and waits for Lena to throw on a sweater and leggings.

It's still dark out when Lena takes her outside, still dark when they get to the forest and Lena snakes them down path after path, scary and unfamiliar, deeper and deeper in until Kara decides to just turn her brain off. She lets herself stop thinking too much, worrying too much. Lets Lena guide her wherever she wants as she tries her best to only focus on how safe she feels with her fingers laced together with Lena's.

She's just, content, happy holding her hand and trotting along and not being alone anymore. She doesn't have to be scared because Lena is sure, and Kara knows if shit came up, she'd protect her. They'd protect each other, and it feels amazing knowing that. It feels amazing knowing she's found someone and she doesn't have to ever worry about losing her, feels fucking fantastic, feels like a thought she could probably stay caught up in for the rest of her life if she really wanted to.

So she does for a bit, lets herself get lost in that feeling, get lost thinking of all the different ways Lena answers every prayer she's ever sent up to the heavens above... which is probably why she initially misses the shift. Her body senses it before her brain fully registers what's going on, hairs standing up on her neck and arms. They've been walking long enough at a lulling pace, that it takes her a second to notice there's something floating in the air around them, something tugging at her magic and it's not coming from Lena.

In fact, it's like it's coming from everything but Lena: the grass, the trees, the wind, the flowers; like there's some mystical force ingrained in every inch of the forest surrounding them. She feels it acutely everywhere, like it's coating over her skin, enveloping her and protecting her like she's meant to be here, like this is inherently a space where she's just. At home.

She's so fucking overwhelmed she finds herself letting Lena's hand go, looking around, dropping down in the grass, gripping her fingers in the soil and trying to breathe through the fact that she can feel so much right now: how many trees are in the forest, how many lakes, how many animals are actually sleeping and which ones are awake. She can still feel Lena's heart beating, but now she can also feel the sheer size of Lena's magic, like it's radiating off of her, like she could destroy this entire forest with the snap of her finger if she wanted to.

"What is this?" Kara whispers, like if she says it too loud, someone might snatch them up and ruin the moment. Visibly, she can see they're in a clearing, surrounded by trees on all sides, but it doesn't feel like any forest she's ever been in. She feels so completely in tune with everything around her, she just, god, she wants to cry. "What's happening? Can you feel that, too?"

"We crossed into the faerie realm," Lena explains, sitting down next to Kara, huge smile stretching across her face as she watches Kara make a complete turd of herself squeezing in the dirt. "There are certain places in the world where magic is naturally more concentrated, where it's easier to slip between realms. This forest is one of them. It's actually where I first crossed over."

"Has it been this way the whole time?" Kara asks, sucking in breaths in gulps because it's like she can't breathe suddenly. She's always been drawn to this forest, always comes here when she needs to clear her head or just walk or feel safe.

She thought it was because she spent so much time in forests with Alura, hiding and living and making them her home, but now. Now, she feels like it was because of this, now she feels like she must have been drawn here because of the way the world is draping across her skin right now. It's like she's light, like she's weightless, like she could float right off the ground if she wanted to.

"I mean, can non-fae sense magic? Is there a chance that's what draws me here?"

"Yeah, of course, sure they can," Lena says brightly. "You've heard of witches, right? Magi, shamans, there's loads of people naturally more in line with the magic. It's all about feeling the earth and what's around you. You don't have to be special, you just have to be connected."

"Even if I'm a vampire?" Kara asks, sinking into the soft grass and realizing if it weren't for Lena's magic, she'd probably never feel this, so full and happy, warm in a way she didn't even know was possible. It's like waking up before an early morning class on a winter morning, when the temperature under the blanket is so perfect she just doesn't want to move. "It wouldn't hide from me, since—"

"There's nothing inherently bad about vampires," Lena says quickly, tugging at the pocket on Kara's jacket. "I don't care what anyone says or tries to tell you or tries to teach you, but you're a part of this earth and you have been for a really long time, okay? People just don't like what they don't know, or they don't like it if it's not cute or wrapped in a pretty package. They don't like things that drink blood or have fangs or exist faster than their eyes can track. Humans are just... dumb and fragile, and so are faeries sometimes, but you are good."

"Vampires are dumb, too," Kara says, magic tugging and tugging inside of her until she finds herself crawling over so she can put her head in Lena's lap, humming when Lena starts gently running her fingers through her hair. "I mean, look at Alura," she goes on, muffled against Lena's shirt. "She killed all those humans, and for what? We're still treated like crap."

"But, she didn't," Lena says, and Kara freezes. It's like the forest does too, everything suspended right down to the breeze. So it's just Lena and Kara with no sound and stiff air, because no one's ever said that. "Alura didn't do what everyone said she did," Lena clarifies, and. There it is. Finally. Someone's decided they're not keeping Kara in the dark. "I mean, I don't know much, but I know she wasn't killing humans."

"Oh," Kara whispers, trying to make that mean anything other than... faeries. There's nothing else Lena could be implying by it, though, and that, that just makes everything so much fucking worse. God. Kara suddenly feels intrusive and heavy, like she's a dark spot in this world and she shouldn't be here, like it's a crime that the forest is so welcoming when she's so obviously capable of so much bad. It's like the more she finds out, the more she doesn't trust herself or Alura or anyone that's ever told her anything or kept her in the dark. She just doesn't know anymore, just feels like the only thing she can ever be sure about is Lena. "God, m'so sorry. I didn't know, I swear. I'd never—"

"No, I mean she should have. She was justified. She should have killed more of us, to be honest," Lena whispers.

Kara has no idea what to say to that. It wasn't what she thought Lena was going to say at fucking all. She knows Lena's supportive, but taking out her species feels like a tough one to ride or die through. "Oh? Shouldn't you be mad at vampires? Mad at me?"

"No, because we started it," Lena stresses, and Kara flips on her back so she can look up at her face. "I'm not sure why, but a few years after Lillian adopted me, she flooded the human realm with dark fae. There was this settlement Alura had, a safe haven for vampires—"

"Krypton," Kara whispers, and her heart sinks.

She remembers it so vividly. It's where she woke up right after she was made, her home, what she considered her new birthplace. It's where Alura taught her how to feed and hunt and use her abilities. It's where Kara felt safe, safer than she's ever felt in her entire existence, always surrounded by love and smiling faces, always getting into trouble for playing pranks with other baby vamps, holing herself up in Alura's library and reading every book she could get her hands on. It's the only few years of her life she can look back on and say she was truly happy, and in an instant it was gone, up in flames, destroyed. Everything they built and worked for and strived for just, it vanished. Over night.

"That was Lillian?" she asks.

"Yeah," Lena says, soft, face dropping like she actually understands the weight of it, like she gets how much it meant to Kara, how much it hurts. But that shouldn't be shocking, because Lena always understands, always, and Kara has to keep thinking that. Lena is not Lillian no matter how much this hurts coming from her. "Lillian was responsible for destroying it, I'm so sorry. But that was just the beginning—she was leading the crusade against vampires, exposed your existence to humans, made it seem like you hadn't been coexisting peacefully since the beginning of fucking time. She had so many of you guys killed that by the time Alura attacked back, there really was no other choice. But, I know Alura didn't kill any humans, just a bunch of dark fae. Anything else that happened was either done by or made up by Lillian or Lex, I'm sure of it."

"Why?" Kara asks, not even sure which specific part baffles her the most, just. Why. "I don't get it."

"I don't know," Lena says, words thick like she's one soft breeze away from tears. "I just know that almost every modern problem for vampires was caused by Lillian, and I've spent my entire time in the human realm doing what I can to make it right, but. I can't. I can't fix it."

"Hey," Kara comforts, sitting up straight so she's at eye level with Lena, wrapping a hand around Lena's thigh to let her know she's here, and she always will be. "You don't have to take that on your shoulders. Alura obviously did something to set Lillian off. This whole thing has been their war, it's not our fault," she says, and at least that much is crystal clear for her now.

It can't be a coincidence that Alura has that book and that she made a new progeny after so many years and that, suddenly, Lillian just decided to flood the human realm with dark fae, no possible way it's not all somehow connected, god. Kara just wants to know who she is and how she fits into all of this, and where the fuck that book came from. 

"I know," Lena says. "Well, I mostly know, mostly get that, but I just — I wanted to point out that Alura maybe wasn't as bad as she's made out to be. I mean, look at this," she instructs, dipping her hand under the collar of her shirt and pulling out Kara's necklace. "It's weird, you know, I've seen you wear this necklace everyday, but I never realized what it was until you gave it to me this morning. It's something you give young light fae as a gift." She holds it up and turns it in her fingers, concentrating on it until the necklace starts glowing, specks of light beaming what looks to be a constellation in the air in front of them. "It teaches you how to focus your magic, can put all sorts of cool light designs in them. I dunno, I was just thinking like, maybe it was a light faerie who gave Alura and the daughters and you those runes. And maybe they gave her this necklace and taught her the language. And if a light faerie trusted her that much, then she couldn't have been that bad."

Kara has so many questions about the necklace and light fae, and how often faeries just give non-fae magical gifts and teach them languages.

But there's something about being in the faerie realm with Lena that makes that all feel less important, makes her think about all those years she cried at night and hated her life and wished for something better.

This is something better.

This feels good and right and perfect, and right now, in this moment, Alura and Lillian and everything else, it just—it doesn't matter that much anymore. It just fucking doesn't.

The only thing Kara's ever wanted more than knowing about any of that, is to have what she has sitting right in front of her. So, right now, she just wants to be happy, wants them to be happy together. She just wants to enjoy being bonded and in love and surrounded by so much beautiful magic, and not taint how good it feels to have someone by dwelling too much on her shit fucking past.

"Show me how magic works in the faerie realm," she offers, massaging her thumb along Lena's thigh. "I'd much rather do that than talk about this. I just want to learn as much as I can about you, because that's more important to me."

"Really?" Lena asks, smile stretching across her face. She lets the necklace drop against her chest and it stops glowing. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you everything I knew right away when you told me, but I just, I wanted you so much, and I didn't know how you'd take it. Which seems super selfish, but I wasn't joking about my magic. I swear it's like, it's just so strong. I don't know how to describe it."

"It's okay. I feel it too," Kara says. "I've always been drawn to you. I would have said yes to bonding no matter what you said, okay? Because I trust you're good, and I trust you're good for me," she finishes, pausing to just... look at Lena, because she wants her to know she means that, from the most honest and vulnerable place in her heart, she means that with every fiber of her being.

"I really mean that, so. This is me. I'm all yours," Kara blushes, watching Lena's eyes bright up, wide and honest and beautiful, shaking out her bangs because the promise of forever makes her nervous. "Now, if you don't mind, I really would like to see some magic."

"Okay," Lena says, then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. There isn't really a spark or a light or anything to indicate that she's doing something, but a couple seconds later everything starts glowing, the entire clearing suddenly littered with different colored bioluminescent plants. It's stunning, breathtaking, so much light around them it almost looks like the best part of a sunset instead of the dead of night.

Kara would be absolutely mesmerized by it, truly, if she weren't too busy gaping at the fact that Lena's somehow also sprouted wings in the last few seconds. "How's that?" Lena asks, opening her eyes again. "I could show you more, if you want."

Kara doesn't know what to say, doesn't know if she even has the words to speak.

Lena's wings are beautiful—top and bottom sections, double-winged, just like a butterfly's. But they're so much bigger, black and broad and pointy on the ends, gold swirls of magic coursing through them like blood through veins. "Jesus," Kara whispers, eyes hazing out because she doesn't want to blink. "Those are amazing."

"Huh?" Lena asks, head swiveling around to look at them too, eyes widening. "Oh, sorry," she flushes as she turns back to Kara. "It's been so long since I've let them out. They must have slipped through my mask when I used my magic."

"No, it's okay, keep them out," Kara says fast, swallowing hard because she still can't believe what she's seeing. "I mean, please. I want you to. I love them."

"Really?" Lena asks, heart beating so fast suddenly, thumping hard inside Kara's chest, wings ruffling. God, Kara didn't know she could be that much more adorable. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, m'sure," Kara whispers. "They're like, royal, you know? It looks like you should be wearing a crown."

"Crowns are much more of a human show of royalty," Lena laughs.

"Okay, but hear me out," Kara says, smiling because—god, she can't even pick one explanation. There are so many reasons she's smiling: the forest, the magic, her girlfriend, her bondmate, the most beautiful faerie in existence, Lena, Lena, Lena. "Imagine wearing something made from only the prettiest flowers available. Something soft and natural and made by your most favoritest vampire. Maybe?" Kara beams, pressing her hands together in front of her. "If you'd like, that is?"

"I'd love it," Lena says, wings fluttering as she sits up straighter. "That sounds so fun. Have any flowers in mind?"

"Roses, of course," Kara says, barely a second after Lena gets the words out. "Also, peonies and cherry blossom. If you can, maybe some stargazer lilies and begonias. Sweet Pea, too. Oh, oh, also camellia and tulips and anemone and whichever else you think you might like."

"Wow, sounds like you've thought about this a lot," Lena laughs, force of her smile crinkling her eyes in the corners.

"I used to think about it all the time," Kara admits, because thinking about flower crowns and other impossible fantasies was the only way she survived. Because she used to make them for Alura back in Krypton, used to recite every detail she knew about every single flower after reading about them in Alura's books.

Because once upon a time she dreamed a dream she was meant to be happy.

"I used to dream about having fun in the forest instead of... I don't know. I guess I've just always wanted to make flower crowns, used to imagine the most elaborate ones I could design, which flowers would look prettiest together, how I'd combine them, maybe who I'd be making them for... or whatever," she trails off, clears her throat, decides she feels too vulnerable so she changes the subject. "Anywho, don't mean to ramble, sorry. Could I get the flowers in mostly reds and pinks? I have a theme here."

"You can have whatever you want," Lena says, waving her hand, flowers appearing all around them. Then she tilts her head, eyes dark and concerned, how they get when she's asking if Kara's okay. Kara nods, breathes, nods again, and then Lena nods herself, takes a deep breath, and says, "We can hold them together with magical vines, so you don't need wire or glue or anything."

"Okay," Kara smiles, peeling her jacket off her arms and setting it on the ground, rubbing her hands together, looking around her. "I'll just be a few minutes, then. I already have the perfect plan."

"Sure," Lena blushes, flicking her hand again, giving Kara way more colors than just reds and pinks, way more flowers than she asked for.

It makes the selection process a little tedious, but Lena looks content the whole way through it—smiles each time Kara sniffs a flower or thumbs its petals before moving to examine a new one, bites her lip and smiles when Kara lifts different flowers against her hair to check with her look and skin tone, even uses fancy magic on the flowers the first time Kara rips one, makes them stronger and even prettier. Once Kara's gotten them all selected, Lena lifts them in the air, fitting them together and looping vines through them until it looks even better than Kara imagined.

"Not to toot my own horn," Kara says, grabbing the crown out of the air, "but this is the best one I've ever made."

She crawls even closer and fits it on Lena's head, fixes her hair underneath it, admires it a second. Then she cups Lena's chin and tilts her head up as she blushes, cheeks bright pink as she murmurs, "Thanks, I love it," greens of her eyes bright and wet and honest, honest more than anything else. And that makes Kara feel like Lena's burrowed in her chest somehow, like she's nestled inside her ribcage, holding her heart in her hands, telling it how much she loves it even though it doesn't even beat.

"It looks good with your wings," Kara says, voice cracking because she's dumb and she wants to cry happy tears, even though she'd just stain the ground with blood and ruin the moment. "You're all pink and black now, like the prettiest punk princess."

"Yeah, you think so?" Lena asks, sitting up tall and stretching her wings out to their full length, each side big enough they look like they could engulf Kara. "Would you like to touch them? My wings? If you don't think that's weird."

"Is it rude? To touch them?" Kara asks, because she really wants to touch them, but only if it's okay. She can contain her excitement. She can.

"It's only rude if you ask to," Lena points out, "since our wings are our direct connection to the source. Like, if you rip them off we just sort of... die. But it's not rude if I offer. I really want you to feel them."

"I want to feel them too," Kara says, and suddenly Lena's falling forward, crashing into Kara as she wraps her hands around her and scoops her off the ground, wings gusting thick bursts of wind as she flies them higher higher higher to a tall, fat tree branch. She plops Kara down first, and then she sits in front of her facing away, wings so close Kara's losing her breath with how beautiful they are. "You just want me to touch them?" she asks. "Just like this? It's not a problem."

"Yeah, I want you to," Lena says, letting her head drop forward, arching her back. "I can't stop thinking about it now, please. Just do it."

"Okay," Kara says, airy and breathless, already lifting her hand because Lena said please.

She's never really touched anyone's wings before. She's always been afraid of birds and too clumsy to catch or attract butterflies. So she flinches the first time her fingers brush against the soft, feathery texture, pulls her hand back quick because it's like nothing she's ever felt before.

"You don't like them?" Lena asks, voice high and nervous, and Kara lifts her hand so fast she has to grab her own wrist to stop herself from knocking into the wings.

Once she's calm again, moving slow, she gently cards her fingers through the feathers, feels Lena ruffle against her palm, feels her suck in a deep breath and hold it, only letting it out once Kara starts to explore even more. It takes her a second to fully get used to it, the feel of it, but she loves it once she does. She loves how it feels sneaking her fingers underneath individual feathers, loves the way Lena reacts to it, heating up so much Kara can feel the temperature difference without even directly touching her body.

"Of course I like them," she finally tells her, once she's found her words again. "I love them so much, they're so pretty. And they feel so soft and delicate, but they're also so strong. It's amazing."

Lena doesn't say anything, just fans her wings out more as Kara gets bold enough to touch in broader strokes, hands trailing out, just feeling, thorough and curious and reverent. She takes her time, focuses on the little things: the tickle of it, how it feels brushing across a long feather, the way Lena's magic keeps buzzing against her fingertips.

She wonders why it feels a bit muffled, even though she can see the magic where she's touching, then Lena answers that for her when she says, "You're so gentle, you know? I want to let you touch them for real."

"Huh?" Kara asks, but Lena just flutters her wings in response.

That's when Kara feels it—it's like electricity, like a pulse, like there's a separate heartbeat thrumming right here in the feathers. But it's more than that, it's the magic, flooding out so swift and so sudden it feels like Kara's digging her hands inside Lena and touching it directly, like she's holding a concentrated source of it in her palms in some wildly fucking intimate way.

She's mesmerized by the whole thing, brain immediately hazing out as she touches everything she can. The edges of Lena's wings, the spaces between the top and bottom sets, the place where they branch out of her back, each individual vein of magic. Kara explores it all, touching and touching, getting lost in it, getting consumed by it, finally pausing several minutes later only because she realizes that Lena's making noises. Her head is so thick with Lena's magic, with the magic in the air, that she could hardly hear Lena moaning until now, low and throaty and desperate. Kara's just now catching on to the fact that Lena's shifting her hips as she touches her, that she's leaned forward with her hands planted on the tree branch, grinding back and forth like she's getting off just from this.

It's fucking intoxicating. Kara sinks both hands in her feathers like she cant help herself, combs through them tenderly, up and down, side to side, rubbing in circles until Lena snaps, and gasps, "Okay, stop, okay, fuck stop. Think I've had enough." She floats right off the branch without warning, dragging her wings away from Kara's hand, turning in the air quickly so she can place herself down in Kara's lap. She buries her face against Kara's neck as soon as she's settled, forehead hot and damp, heart throbbing. It's like she's completely falling apart. "Sorry I get sensitive really fast when m'like that," she apologizes. "Didn't mean to be so abrupt."

"It's okay," Kara whispers, wrapping her arms around Lena's lower back. "That felt amazing, baby. Thanks for letting me touch you that way."

"Don't thank me, I love it," Lena says, soft, almost whiny. "I hope you love it, too. I hope you love it here. Do you?"

"Yeah, this is—" Kara starts, then she swallows and finishes, "It's better than Krypton."

"This is what it feels like being connected to the source," Lena tells her. "I'm not trying to force you one way or another with the book, but there's a reason faeries just don't use dark magic. We don't want to give this up."

God, it makes so much sense now. "Why would someone give it up?" Kara asks. "Someone had to make that book, right? Who would do that?"

"Someone desperate," Lena says, solemnly. "Someone who needs something that the source won't give them. Faeries who enchant with or use dark magic usually aren't evil, they're just, they're out of options. It's sad, really. But I hope you don't feel that way."

"I don't," Kara says, and she means it. How could she ever feel that way with Lena pressed against her chest, with two whole worlds at her fingertips, ready to be explored and cherished. "I feel lucky, thankful, just. Happy I have you. M'not desperate at all."

"Good," Lena hums, relaxing her wings, sinking more into Kara. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Hey," Kara whispers, thumbing against the bottom of Lena's wing for a second before dropping her hand again. "If your wings are your direct connection to the source, then how am I connected, why do I feel it so strongly?"

"It's through me," Lena tells her. "You're like, connected by proxy, I think. Actually, I'm not sure how it works," she says thoughtfully, head getting heavier against Kara's chest. "We have a really long time to figure it out, though, right?"

"Yeah. Of course we do," Kara says, because they do have a really long time to figure this out. They have forever, and even without the dark magic, she's sure she'll pick up any other answers she wants along the way. 

 

Chapter Text

 

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"Lena," Kara calls from the kitchen, staring at the counter covered in plants, next to the window lined with plants, in their now plant-filled apartment that is really starting to feel like a literal extension of the forest.

Not that Kara minds. She loves the forest, loves slipping into the faerie realm and spending a few seconds every single time just appreciating the fact that this whole thing is real. She loves how her mind skips over the lines this can't be happening or holy shit this is amazing whenever Lena uses magic or so much as blinks at her in a field filled with flowers, like she's a fucking broken record.

She doesn't think she'll ever stop loving that. She'll never get over how amazing she feels in the faerie realm. In fact, it's become a little like her second home the past few weeks—the place they go when they can't sleep or want to escape, or where they go whenever they can think of any excuse to make the trip out. Actually, they don't really need an excuse. They just go. All the time. Everyday. Which is somewhat of a problem, considering at some point in the past few weeks, the world started ending—for vampires, at least—and Kara barely even noticed it.

She's definitely noticing now, though.

After a few too many seconds pass without a response from Lena, Kara frowns and thumps the leaf of a peperomia before she huffs and turns around. She's just about to call again, but Lena pokes her head around the corner, hair messy and held together with enough pins it can almost be described as up. "Hello," Kara greets her. "I've only called you six times now."

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not always at your service," Lena retorts, smiling as soon as she says it, and then Kara smiles, too. God, it's hard to be even a little bit frustrated with her. "What exactly is the emergency?"

Kara rolls her eyes and gestures toward the refrigerator. "I'm out of blood."

"Oh," Lena says, then a second later her face drops like it hits her, and she repeats, "Oh." It's such a sudden shift it almost makes Kara want to pretend she's not even hungry. But she is, and that's the problem. Not just for her, but for vampires across the city. "The stores haven't restocked yet?"

"No," Kara sighs, shoulders slumping forward. "It's like, I don't know, a really big deal now. Similar things are starting to happen across the country, and they—no one knows what to do about it. People are just buying out the blood and it's hard to regulate it."

"Can’t they just say you have to be a vampire to get it?"

"Maybe, but there's also a hold-up on production."

"Fuck." Lena sucks in a long breath and sighs it out. "LuthorCorp, right?"

"Lillian," Kara says, and Lena stumbles forward with her head lowered, crashing against Kara's chest as she wraps her arms around her waist. It's been so long since they've talked about it, between the fae thing and Alura's book and them deciding they were just going to enjoy their lives isolated from everything else, tucked in the faerie realm—they sort of lost touch with what their actual reality looks like.

They stopped paying attention, but Lillian still had an agenda, and it's apparent now more than ever:

Two weeks ago, there was an organized attack to buy out all the blood from most big-name suppliers. Two weeks ago, the entire city went on short-supply alert for all blood-related items and substitutes. Two weeks ago, Kara was spending upwards of eighteen hours a day in the faerie realm, forgetting everything she said about not drinking Lena's blood too much and constantly being high off the feeling of it.

She's the last Daughter of Alura, the only vampire in existence, probably, that's filled with fae magic, and she's somehow letting everything go to shit for her species without doing a single fucking thing.

She feels like crap for feeling happy, and if that isn't the story of her life, then what is?

"I mean, it was one thing when Lillian was encouraging the picketing outside of the only places we can eat, but this is—this is big. Way bigger than her zoning out Carson's, it's everywhere."

"You can always just drink from me," Lena says, nuzzling her face against Kara's shirt, but that's not the point.

There are too many baby vampires in the world that've never had to hunt before, and too many older vampires that know the second their viability becomes dependent on feeding off living creatures, humans or otherwise, that they're essentially fucked.

"Not every vampire can just drink from you," Kara says, as carefully as she can, because as much as Lena gets it, she's not sure how much she gets it. There are a lot of things a starving animal would do for food. There are a lot of things a starving human would do for food. Vampires don't have that luxury, no matter which group they're lumped with.

"I mean, I'm ready to kill Lillian whenever you are, just say the word," Lena says, and Kara lets out a soft laugh.

"Lena."

"Okay."

She nudges Lena back a bit so she can look her in the eyes. "You're very supportive and I love you, but that's not going to happen, okay? I'm being serious, just, trying to brainstorm what we can actually do."

"I know," Lena says, blinking up at her. She looks tired, and in a lot of ways they both are, but they need to talk about this. They should talk about this. "I know. I'm sorry, I just. I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless."

"I get that," Kara says, then she swallows, because she's trying so hard not to follow it up with a but. There's a lot she wants to say or point out, but she doesn't know how to do it without putting the pressure on Lena. Because the last thing she wants is for Lena to feel like this is all on her, but in many ways that's what it comes down to; plus, there's so much tension between their species, and. It's just. A hard conversation. She knows she told Lena she didn't have to take this on, knows that Lena already feels hopeless about fixing it, but she also knows Lena's their only chance of ever going up against Lillian.

The last time vampires tried to do it themselves, they… well, they ended up here.

"I get that," she says again, "but also, aren't you like, the faerie queen? That has to mean something."

"I'm not the faerie anything," Lena corrects, and Kara takes a deep breath because she's frustrated by the nuance, but she also understands the need for it.

She's spent the last few weeks trying to comprehend the scope of what Lena has to take on her shoulders, and it's a lot, she gets that, and adding this feels like a lot, too, but it also seems like it's necessary. It should be both of their responsibility to try to change what's going on, and Kara's coming to realize that more each day. It felt good pretending they could sit on the sidelines for a while, but it's obvious they can't do that, not with who they are, not with the potential they have to make a difference.

"I'm the future queen of the dark fae, which isn't even the technical word for it, it's more like—" she cuts off and uses a fae word, and it still, after weeks, makes Kara's chest feel tight knowing she understands it.

"Okay, you're the dark fae leader, then. Is there something you can do?" Kara asks. "I know you've tried on the frontlines, through human ways, but you said dark fae are behind this. Could you say something? Convince them to at least push to call off the people picketing. Being the future leader has to give you some sort of power, right?"

"Not exactly, because future is the keyword there," Lena emphasizes. "I pretty much have no power now, not over Lillian. That's been my whole point since I entered the human realm. I wanted them to see me being openly against Lillian, and it didn't change a single thing."

"Jesus," Kara mumbles. "So, what? They just ignore you and then do a complete one-eighty when it's your turn?"

"It's weird, but yeah," Lena says. "I think they've seen enough shifts in power fall through to be smart enough to stick with Lillian right up until I've survived my official ceremony. It'll be a little while before they start falling in line with me."

"How long of a while?" Kara asks, and before she can stop herself, she says, "we don't really have that much time to wait." But it's true and they don't. "We need you like, I don't know, yesterday."

"I'm really sorry," Lena says.

Kara frowns. "I'm sorry, too, but it doesn't change that much, does it?"

"No, it doesn't," Lena says, and she takes a step back, pulling off Kara and folding her arms in front of her. "Trust me, I've cycled through this a million times in my head. There's nothing I can—" she cuts off. "I don't know how we win, okay?"

"Lena," Kara says, and she doesn't know where to go from there. There are so many things she wants to say right now, but she also doesn't want to say them. She doesn't want to say that Lillian is the reason this is even happening, that Lena's mom started this. She doesn't want to say this is all a product of dark fae hostility and hatred and total fucking abuse of power. She doesn't want to say it feels like Lena's the only one that can do anything about this right now, and it's alarming she feels helpless. So, she just says, "We can't eat."

"I know," Lena says, closing her eyes for a long second, biting her lip as she opens them again. "I know, I know, and I'm willing to fight whatever fight you want me to, but it's not so simple when it comes to me being in power. I have to wait until I'm stronger than Lillian; it's tradition. And fae don’t reach full power until we reach full maturity, so I have like. A year."

"Is that why she's escalating?" Kara asks. "She knows she doesn't have long before she's out the door? I still don't get why she's targeting everything at vampires. Alura's dead. A lot of us are dead. Everyone hates us. She's won. Why is this so important to her?

"I don’t know, I can't figure it out," Lena says, twisting her mouth to the side like she's thinking about it. "I don't know what started it, just feel like if we knew that we'd know how to get her to back down."

"I feel like if she hates us so much, she should have stopped you from hanging out with me, from bonding to me. Honestly, why don't we just, I don't know. Go up to her and say, hey mom, I sort of bonded to a vampire, can you stop attacking them now?"

"I mean, it might work," Lena says, so casually it almost goes over Kara's head.

"Oh?" Kara stutters, not sure if… what? "Really?"

"Yeah, why target all the other vampires, when she could just kill one. The one who happens to be holding half my magic. Two birds, one stone, right?"

"Lena," Kara says slowly.

"We can't really undo it so we shouldn’t bother pointing out how dumb it was."

Kara wants to be anything but okay with that—upset, frustrated, anything—but she wouldn't give up being bonded to Lena just because it's a little dangerous, so. "Alright," she concedes, holding up her hands in defeat, and Lena smiles, rolling her eyes as she shakes her head. "Well, the next time you want to do some intense fae thing we should probably talk about it first. For at least six months. Maybe plan out all the ways it could get us killed, you know?"

"That would be wise," Lena nods. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, wouldn't rather do dumb, magical things with anyone but you," Kara says, holding out her arms, scooping Lena in as soon as she falls forward. "In all seriousness, though, we should probably talk to Alex."

"About fae things, or—" Lena starts, then groans, then, "Please don't say about fae things."

"She's my sister," Kara points out.

"I know but," Lena says, stopping like she's choosing her words carefully. "Alex has a tendency to, you know, well you said yourself she's a bit reactive, and look how well being outed worked for vampires."

"Yeah but faeries are cute and have wings and eat human food and grow flowers. You'd be adored, you know that?"

"Kara."

"I'm not trying to out you," Kara tries to comfort, tuning in to the magic between them. It's surprising how easy it's been getting used to it once they were in sync, how easily it's slipped into just being another part of her life, like an extra arm she's always had. "I just want to tell Alex. In case I die. And no one's even—" God, there's no way to make this seem comforting, even with their magic. "Look, Lillian doesn't get to kill my entire family, Alura's entire blood line and no vampire knows who she—what she—really is."

"I understand that, I really do, but—"

"Don't you think Alex needs to know what she's up against?" Kara asks, and the air changes between them in a stiff way, Lena's nerves bleeding into their magic, pumping through their shared heartbeat. She's more scared than nervous, and that feels a little much even for talking about Alex.

Kara's so focused on it, she nearly misses when Lena says, "Sun-flash guns use fae magic."

"Excuse me, what?" Kara blurts, before she even fully processes the words.

"Vampires aren't dying after being sun-flashed because LuthorCorp synthesized some way to mimic the sun," Lena explains. "They're dying because those guns are blasting them with a direct hit of fae magic."

She pulls away again, but Kara doesn't let her go, just keeps holding her because she can't catch her breath and she needs to hold something for stability. "What are you saying?" she asks, brain still trying to wrap around that. "Is it just some guns? Is it only fae using them?"

"No," Lena shakes her head. "Lillian has been using LuthorCorp and alliances with police forces and the DoD as a way of flooding troops and law enforcement with fae weapons. She's ready for this to be a war. That's what she wants. To kill all of you. She wants you to fight back. That’s what Alex is up against. That's what we're up against."

"Jesus," Kara mumbles.

"In case it wasn't obvious already, she doesn't give a fuck about vampires or their lives or who loves them. And I can't do anything to stop her. I just. I never wanted to alarm you, but I don't know what we can do about this. I feel like this is just as much my fault as it is hers, and—"

"Hey, it's not," Kara says, pulling Lena back against her chest, twisting so she can press her nose in her hair. "None of this is your fault, not even a little bit, okay? But that doesn't mean we can't be the ones to put an end to it. We'll figure it out. I know we will. You said it yourself, we have the best Luthor on our side, so. We can do this." Kara pauses and waits for Lena to settle a bit, then adds, "We should really talk to Alex, though."

"Fine," Lena gives in, "but after breakfast. We should eat first, you must be starving."

One of these days they'll need to talk about the amount of times that Kara's needs to eat, but today is probably not that day.

-

"Why the combat boots?"

Lena rolls her eyes. "They go with my outfit. You'd know that if you had fashion sense."

Kara snorts, watching Lena smooth out her hair in the mirror as she shoves her own behind her ears and dangles her legs over the edge of the bed. "So, it has nothing to do with the fact you're meeting Alex for the first time?"

"No, I don't need boots to take her, you should know that by now."

Kara laughs, she can't help it. "If she attacks, you'll just grow a tree through her window, yeah?"

"What?" Lena snaps, spinning around fast enough that Kara's life actually flashes before her eyes. "Do you know what I can do? Because it's a lot more than grow trees."

"No," Kara says, then admits, "A little bit, actually, to be honest. I can feel it when we're in the forest. Like, you're super cute when you're growing fruits and stuff, but underneath all that you feel a little bit, um. Dangerous."

Lena softens like it's reflex. Dangerous was probably a poor choice of words. "I'm not danger—" she starts to say, then goes with, "Well, I'd never hurt you, okay? I want you to know that. I don't want you to think I'm dangerous."

"I didn't mean it that way," Kara says, leaning forward. She's not afraid of Lena, not even in the slightest. The most dangerous part about her is probably how delicious she looks in her mesh-striped leggings. "I just mean I can feel how strong you are and it's like, everything you've shown me isn't even you tapping the surface of your magic."

"Because it's not," Lena explains, and Kara doesn't know how appropriate it is to ask for a demonstration. If Lillian was strong enough to take out Alura, then Kara's not sure if she even wants to see that demonstration, to be honest. "Faeries aren't defenseless creatures, we have our ways of protecting ourselves."

"Okay, I believe you," Kara goes with, because she's good, and polite. She's always polite.

But Lena knows her better than that. "You want to see it, don't you?"

"Only a little bit, maybe. Only if you want to."

"Just say yes."

Kara nods. "Yes, let's see it."

"Whatever," Lena huffs, but she's smiling, and Kara always gets what she wants when she makes her laugh. "Fine, okay, I'm not going to show you too much, because I like the way our apartment looks," she says, stepping toward the bed, resting her palm on the ball of the wooden bedpost and spreading her fingers out. "But magic isn't always friendly. When it's concentrated the right way, it can be pretty fucking deadly."

As she says it, her hand starts to glow, and so do parts of the wood, little tendrils of magic splintering out, zigzagging down in an intricate design. Kara reaches over to touch it, but Lena slaps her hand away, and when she moves away from the bedpost, Kara can see why.

It's basically disintegrated.

"And that's the same glowing hand you touched me with?" she gasps. One slip and Lena's hand could've gone right through her.

Lena frowns. "See, now you've made me scare you."

Kara knows that Lena is 75 percent joking, but she is 100 percent a little bit terrified by her magic. But it's mostly a terrified that makes her love Lena even more. "Come here," she says, voice dropping in a way she knows Lena will respond to even if there's a weird sort of tension in the air.

Lena moves over with a smirk, dragging her feet until she's close enough that Kara can grab her hips and pull Lena against the bed between her legs. "Mmm," is what comes out of her mouth when there's nothing but Lena's bodywash filling her brain.

Lena reaches up and tangles her fingers in Kara's hair, tugging gently until she lifts her head. "This is going to get scary."

"I know," Kara says. "We had fun, though, right? Pretending it wouldn't. You know, for a while I thought that things were tense for vampires, sure, but we were moving in the right direction. I guess we weren't. I feel like I should have been in front of this a long time ago. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe Alura did leave me here to be a leader."

"Hey, it's still a lot to ask of someone who didn't sign up for it."

"I bet you get that more than anyone."

"Yeah, I do. It's kind of like we're perfect for each other," Lena smiles, and Kara tugs her shirt until she falls forward for a kiss.

She hopes Alex understands how much she loves Lena.

-

It starts off as bad as Lena imagined it would. Alex opens her door with a smile, and then… she actually sees Lena. "Kara," she groans, and Kara leans against the door frame. "I hope you realize her family's behind everything that's going on."

"We realize that," Kara tells her.

"I'm not letting her in," Alex says, but she only lasts a few seconds before she sighs and nudges the door open wider.

Then she gives Lena tea and Kara blood, and they sit down at her table where Lena opens with, "So, I'm a faerie," and Alex somehow manages to not kill her during the entire explanation.

Kara's proud of everyone involved. She'll have to put that in her journal right next to so bonding to a faerie may not be the most eventful thing to happen in my lifetime. "Things are already so tense, and Lillian's still on TV every day defending people's right to protest against us for their safety. Lena and I aren't sure what we can do, but we're not okay with sitting on the sidelines."

"I'm still—" Alex cuts off, then she twists her mouth in a frown and looks at Lena. "Seriously? Faeries?"

"I know, that's what I said," Kara agrees, "then her hands started glowing and she showed me her wings."

Alex opens her mouth, but Lena clears her throat loud. "Not a chance."

"Whatever," Alex mumbles, then sighs. "You guys can't just have a family reunion? You don't have any stake in the company to control things?"

"Not until next year," Lena says. "It's not a coincidence this is all happening right now. That much I know, but not a ton else."

"So," Alex stretches out, "just to be clear—Lillian hates vampires and the thought of you taking over, and you two had the smart idea to get married before Lena's old enough to take her on?"

"We're not married, we're bonded," Kara corrects her.

"Sounds even worse than marriage the way Lena describes it."

"Okay." Lena looks at Kara. "I told you this was a bad idea. She doesn't get it."

"You two are idiots, I'm just saying, but something-something magic made you that way. I get that part," Alex says fast. "What I don't get is why you lied to me, Kara. About J'onn. Does that have to do with this, too?"

Kara wants to say I didn't lie or how'd you know? but she supposes it's Alex, would be the response to both of those. "He's fae, too, yeah. But I don't know. I had a lot going through my head at the time. About Alura and the daughters and my existence. It was a long night. He was so mysterious, too, and he could sense us coming. It just made me like, edgy."

Lena pushes her tea away from her on the table, then she gets the little crinkle on her forehead she has whenever she's confused. "J'onn, you said?"

"Yeah," Alex says. "He owns this bar in the desert, and he is mysterious, I'll give you that," she says to Kara. "I went back again to talk to him, and he had blood waiting for me. It's like he knew I was coming even though it was unannounced. Is that like a level 10 faerie thing?"

Kara snorts, but Lena looks spooked and her heartbeat feels it. "I mean, it is if you're a, uh, I don't know how to say it." She looks at Kara and uses a fae word, but Kara doesn't understand it, so she shrugs. Lena bites her lip a second, then says, "I guess you can just call them, um, tracers? They can use their magic in ways that other fae can't." She pauses a long second, staring down at the table. Alex tilts her head like a question, Kara shrugs again, then Lena looks up and tells them, "There's only one tracer I know of named J'onn. I saw him meeting with Lillian once when I was a kid. I remember it because Lex acted like him being there was supposed to scare me."

"Oh. That's, um. Interesting," Kara whispers.

"No, it's fucking suspicious," Alex comments, chewing on her cheek like she's considering that, before she asks, "But, that definitely means we should talk to him again, right?"

The terrified part of Kara--the part that notices her magic clinging to her skin like sweat, the part that can sense something's wrong, something's off, something's hitting Lena fast and she's shutting down instead of talking about it--wants to say no. She wants to forget this even came up and hope to god that whatever J'onn was doing with Lillian has absolutely nothing to do with this. But the rational part of her knows there's really no other option, so. "Yeah, if he knows something that can help, we need to talk to him."

"Okay, then," Alex says, standing up from the table. "I guess, in the meantime, I'll contact Eliza and see if she can ask some of the older vamps about Alura. Or maybe see if they've ever heard anything about fae." Lena snaps her head up to look at her, but Alex waves it off. "It's okay, I won't mention you or Lillian or any of this, I promise," she assures Lena. "But I'm confident there's some way we can piece this together if we have more information."

"Yeah," Lena agrees, but Kara can still sense something's off, which is only confirmed when she squeezes Lena's thigh and gets hit with how prickly her magic feels. "I'll look into what I can on my end."

"Thanks," Alex says, offering half a smile, then she grabs her phone and steps outside through the back door.

Kara immediately turns to Lena and gives her thigh another squeeze, does the best she can to try and calm Lena a bit with her own magic. "Hey, look at me, talk to me. What's happening right now? What are you thinking about?"

"Something doesn't feel right," Lena frowns, like she's still churning it around in her head. Between the book and Lillian and whatever else J'onn is involved with, it's only right for Lena to have an off vibe about him. But this feels beyond that, like it's a bigger deal than both Kara and Alex are expecting and Lena's the only one that can see that far. Kara doesn't want to think about it that way, though, so she swallows and tries to calm Lena with her magic again. "I can't place my finger on it, but there had to be a reason Lex was acting so weird about J'onn."

"I'm sure we'll figure it out," Kara says. She doesn't know where this road will take them, but she is at least confident that Alura wouldn't have protected her all that time just to lead her to someone that isn't safe. It wouldn't make sense. It should be okay. "I'm sure it's okay, and even if it's not--we'll always be okay, right? We'll still have each other."

"Of course, we will," Lena says fast, draping her hand over Kara's. "Nothing can change that. I'm just concerned about Lillian, about what's behind everything she's doing, what exactly she wants. I don't want us to underestimate her."

"We won't." Kara leans forward and presses her lips to Lena's shoulder. "We have you on our side, remember? I think she's the one that needs to stop underestimating us. Not the other way around."

Chapter 10

Summary:

hi all, back again with another chapter. huge thank you to everyone that's kept up with this for so long!! hugely appreciate it <33 as always, all typos and inconsistencies are mine.

hope you enjoy!! xx

I'm on TUMBLR and TWITTER. Come hang out with me!

Chapter Text

They go straight to the forest after leaving Alex's house. It's not even a conversation; they're both pulled in that direction like it's instinct, both silently agreeing they'd rather be there than anywhere else right now. It's a foggy night and Kara's grateful for it. Everything is obscured around them, so it feels like it's just her and Lena and the world isn't watching—like the world doesn't exist—and for just a few minutes as they hold hands and stomp through the mud and damp grass, they don't have to think about vampires or faeries or humans or war.

There's just them, and their matching heartbeat, and maybe if they squint their eyes, they can pretend to be happy tonight.

"I'm starting to feel more at home when I'm here," Kara says as they step inside the cover of trees, breathing in the thick scent of the forest and listening to the leaves rustling idly in the chilly wind. "When this is over, I'd love to just stay here. Forever. We don't need anything else, do we?"

"They might need us," Lena points out. She slides her hand up Kara's arm and hugs against it, and Kara's magic fizzles beneath her skin, reaching out the way it does anytime Lena touches her. She's just glad Lena feels a little more settled now. "I mean, even if this ends, there'll still be clean up, right? Stopping Lillian doesn't change how humans and fae and everyone else sees vampires."

It's true, but Kara never signed up to be the vampire anyone looked to for guidance. She knows it's only natural once anyone finds out who she is, but there's still the large part of her that just. Wants to be alone with Lena. "We can pretend, can't we?" she asks, leaning heavily into Lena. "Just for tonight, we can pretend we don't have a responsibility to anything but this forest."

"Really?" Lena smiles. "This morning you were—"

Kara twists them to cut her off, wrapping her arms around Lena's waist and pulling them close. "I know, and then we made the connection with J'onn and you seemed scared, and it all feels more real now, and. I don't want to run, but you know."

"It's good to pretend you can?"

"It's the only coping mechanism I have," Kara laughs, not sure why it feels funny when it's really just sad. "All I really can do sometimes is think about what things would be like if the world was better."

"I'll make it better," Lena says, pressing up to push their lips together. Kara feels like she can't breathe. It's only been a few hours since they last kissed, but she gives in to it without a second thought, letting her eyes close and her head spin, because Lena's lips and her love and her heart are the only sure things Kara has in this world. "I'll make it better just for you, I swear."

"No, we should make it better for them," Kara says, kissing Lena again just because she can. "We should make it better for all the vamps that don't have the faerie realm, that don't have a space where they feel invited and loved and accepted simply for being who they are."

"Or we could pretend we don't have to," Lena laughs against Kara's mouth.

Kara catches her lip between her teeth, finally comfortable enough around Lena to control her fangs. "Sometimes I just want you, like all to myself. Is that so bad? If it is, I can stop. I can share if you—"

"Shut up," Lena nudges her. "We don't have to talk about J'onn tonight. But we do have to talk to him. We have to do something, like you said."

"I know," Kara agrees. "Bright and early tomorrow morning."

Lena kisses her cheek and lingers, breathing her in, pausing the conversation long enough for Kara to know she's shifting into something serious, chewing on a thought for way too long. "Do you trust me to keep you safe?" she finally asks.

It's so simple Kara laughs. Truthfully, she's never felt safer than she does with Lena. "Do you trust me to keep you safe, since that's my job?"

"No, I'm serious," Lena says. "I know you were just messing around this morning, but I don't want you to be afraid of me. No matter what happens."

"Hey." Kara moves to kiss Lena on the cheek, then pulls back to look in her eyes. "I love you," she says, rather than anything else. It's the only thing she's actually certain about. "You mean more to me than everything, and nothing could change that."

"I love you, too," Lena says, soft and out of breath. "I love you so much."

"I know," Kara says, and Lena smiles again, locking their fingers together as she drags Kara back along the path.

It's a nice way to start their night.

-

They don't get a chance to confront J'onn. They don't even get a chance to plan for it: as soon as they cross into the faerie realm, they're standing right in front of him. It's nothing short of a full-blown miracle that Kara doesn't pass out just from the shock of it.

Lena's wings expand faster than Kara can think, though, and it's something in the wave of protective magic that starts to spread across her skin. She can feel it warming all over her, shielding her, and she wonders if this is what Lena meant by trusting her to protect Kara. J'onn is as expressionless as he was in the bar, but now that they're in the faerie realm, Kara can sense he's nervous.  She can also sense his magic compared to Lena's, and she's having a hard time fathoming why there's such a huge difference. It's not even that J'onn doesn't feel powerful, it's just that Lena feels... more somehow, even stronger than Kara's sensed her before.

J'onn clears his throat to break the silence.

Right. They should probably do more than stare at each other. "Funny seeing you here," Kara says so weakly, voice cracking so awkwardly, that Lena actually grabs her hand. It's only a little bit embarrassing. "Um, this spot is already occupied, plenty of forest for you elsewhere."

"She reached out to me," J'onn says flatly. "You wanted to talk so I'm here."

Lena doesn't look amused. "There are more appropriate ways to respond. You didn't have to track me here."

"It wasn't that hard to find you," J'onn responds. "You're not exactly hiding that you're bringing a vampire into the realm. Which isn't smart, by the way. I know a lot of fae that wouldn't take to that kindly."

"I shouldn't have to hide it, and I didn't ask for your opinion," Lena says. They're both very good points, but there's an oh forming in Kara's brain, laced to a thousand different things—oh, i'm not meant to be here; oh, i'm not welcome; oh, lena has to hide me—as something sinks inside her because she didn't realize that being here is such a big deal. She loves the faerie realm, even more than she loves their apartment—as much as Krypton—but it feels a little different if she isn't welcome. "She's fine if she's with me. She's my responsibility. I'm taking care of her. It shouldn't be the concern of anyone else, including you."

"Sure, but some fae haven't forgotten the last time vampires were in the realm," J'onn says, not giving Kara a chance to appreciate the fact that Lena's taking care of her. She'll have to ask later what exactly the whole claiming thing means.

For right now, she's not attached enough to the realm to figure out just how much they don't appreciate her presence. "Is it a problem," she speaks up, "because it's fine with me if we don't stay here for the night. We can go home, or I can, at least."

"Hey. Stop that, okay?" Lena's voice is a lot gentler when she turns to Kara, which probably means that whatever Kara's feeling is bleeding through the magic. Which also means—she's quite certain—that J'onn can sense it, too. Also embarrassing. "No one can even tell you're here. I've been masking you with my magic. It's only obvious if a faerie knows exactly what they're looking for, or if they're just him. Then it's—" she pauses, nibbling the inside of her cheek like she's choosing her words carefully. "It's just a little easy to sense anything that's not naturally from the realm, but that's why I've been covering you. So you're safe. You belong here, I promise."

"Any fae with half-a-mind would know you're hiding something," J'onn points out. "You could be making both of you easy targets."

Lena frowns. Kara can sense she's annoyed. "I'd never be an easy target, figured you'd at least know that."

"Right," J'onn sighs. It's just one word, but there's so much weight to it, so much weight to everything he says and does. It makes interacting with him cast a gray filter over all of Kara's okay-but-maybe-if thoughts. It's like he solidifies everything scary she's ever thought about her existence, makes all of the hard truths feel obvious somehow. She wasn't just made on a whim. She wasn't Alura's midlife crisis. Her being protected from the war wasn't just a half-assed apology for a shit life. He makes this whole thing feel grave and important in ways that are hitting Kara hard enough she can't breathe properly. "You're strong, I know that, but you don't want to underestimate Lillian."

"I never have," Lena says, voice dropping low enough that Kara squeezes her hand reflexively. She's not sure what she's implying by it, but it's good to remind Lena she's here. "I don't know what you did for her, but you fucked up. Didn't you? That's why you're here."

J'onn's quiet for a while, drawing in a slow breath, then he waves his hand so there's more light around them and asks, "Did you use what was in the envelope? Alura said to make sure you did. It's important."

"Did you know what was in there?" Lena asks, and J'onn shakes his head. Kara squeezes Lena's hand again because she's not sure that he was supposed to know. The book felt serious enough to not just throw it around to anyone. "Then why did she ask you to hold on to it?"

"Because I owed it to her. It's the least I could do." J'onn's expression cracks for the first time, something bleeding through that isn't a blank fucking canvas, and it's sort of comforting in a way. Kara doesn't know him that well, but she reads it as sad, maybe even apologetic. "I owed it to you, Kara. I owed it to you too," he says to Lena. "Because you're right. I took a job from Lillian that I shouldn't have."

"Who was she looking for?" Lena asks, voice cracking. "Who did she want you to find?"

J'onn opens his mouth, and then he hesitates, and then he says, very carefully, "She wanted me to find whoever your magic was latching on to." It feels like the entire forest freezes, and Kara can't tell if it's Lena or J'onn, or maybe she's doing it herself, but there's enough tension between the three of them she can nearly see it floating in the air. "She said she could tell you were predetermined, and she just wanted to know, but it turned into so much more than that. I didn't think it through, obviously, but when I initially took the job, it never crossed my mind that I would lead her to someone she'd want to hurt. I didn't know until I - I just didn't know."

"She wouldn't do that," Lena says, like she's breaking. "She's a terrible mother, but she wouldn't do that."

"She would. She tried. She tried to have them killed. And—" he pauses. "I think we all sort of underestimated just how far she was willing to go."

Kara knows they're talking about her. The second J'onn hesitated, she knew, if she's honest. But she doesn't get to ask him, doesn't get to speak up or join in or clarify, because Lena grits out, "No," as soon as he's done talking, digs her nails into Kara's palm hard enough to sting, then suddenly and in a blink, they're back in their apartment.

It's so swift it knocks Kara flat on her ass, fingers gripping into the carpet because she's not sure if she's fucking hallucinating. Lena goes right with her, though, scrambling into Kara's lap to snatch her in a hug. Kara has no idea what's going on, but she knows it's fucking serious, can feel Lena's magic stretching over her in waves, flooding her so fast it's drowning everything else out. It's hot and messy and uncoordinated, and it's way too fucking much at once, but it feels desperate and necessary in some way and Lena's shaking against her—and then it clicks. In some deep trench inside her brain, or maybe the place where her soul used to be, Kara pieces together the fragments that should've been obvious all along. She almost laughs once she realizes—not because it's funny, god, the last thing it is is funny, but because it fits for her, fucking fits like a glass-laced glove—and then she hugs Lena tight, knuckling down her spine until her magic stops doing its best to suffocate Kara.

It's still a few minutes before they both calm down enough actually talk.

Lena's entire face is red when she pulls back to look at Kara, twisting her fingers in Kara's shirt as she starts with, "I'm sorry."

Kara smiles and lifts a hand to push Lena's hair behind her ear. Her green eyes are still bleary and wet, but she automatically turns and presses her face into Kara's palm. "There's nothing you need to apologize for, even though the teleporting might've knocked the wind out of me."

Lena slumps forward and presses their foreheads together, shifting more comfortably in Kara's lap. "I'm sorry about that, too."

"We're fine," Kara says. She wants to smile more or laugh to prove her point, but her heart aches looking at Lena, and they haven't even discussed it yet. But they're fine; they'll always be fine. She's sure of that.

"Did you even understand what he was talking about?" Lena asks. Her voice is pleasantly scratchy, but too sad to admire. "I feel like it's all my fault. I mean, I know m'not the center of everything, but if I hadn't. I don't know, I'm just sorry."

This time Kara almost does laugh. She thinks she understood J'onn well enough, or she at least comprehended all of the words he said. She's sure she missed the implication of the whole thing, or maybe some of the nuance, but even still, she's positive that J'onn wasn't saying that. She's also fairly positive about the other thing hovering at the edge of her mind, but she doesn't want to think it, even for a little bit, if she's not sure it's one-hundred percent true. She wants Lena to say it first. "I don't think it's your fault," she starts with. "From my understanding, it's Lillian that wants to kill me. Since your magic latched on to me?" Which makes no sense at all. There's no logical reasoning for Lena's magic to do that all those years ago, unless they actually weren't talking about Kara, or—god. But, it was Lena that said that fae magic only seeks out other fae. Fuck it, she has to know. "Because I'm fae?"

Lena pulls up fast and looks at Kara like she's lost for words, heart thumping hard inside both of their chests. It feels like the moment stretches on forever, but when Lena finally opens her mouth, it's not to talk, but to kiss Kara. 

This at least feels fucking familiar. Lena always does this when Kara does something she's fond of, whenever Kara gets something right or understands something important or demonstrates the absolute most basic, completely-surface-level understanding of complicated fae things. She nearly tackled Kara over the first time Kara grew leaves on a tree in the faerie realm, and then again when she managed to grow her own flower. Kara still hasn't gotten the hang of it, and can't grow more than one at a time or guarantee it won't wither away. But she's always more than encouraged to keep trying when Lena's by her side. That's how she knows they'll get through this. Not just Lillian and the war, but even simpler than that: she knows they'll get through this conversation and figuring everything out.

They've been patient with each other ever since their big fight, and this isn't the moment that all changes.

"I've suspected it," Lena says when she pulls away from the kiss. She slides off Kara's lap to sit across from her, folds her legs and rests her hands in her lap. "But I can't remember ever not feeling connected to my magic, even in the human realm. And you've been completely shocked by it this whole time. I just keep thinking it should feel at least a little bit familiar for you."

"I don't think I've ever felt magical before," Kara admits. "But I don't remember a lot of my human life. I just know I grew up in a village and people said I looked like my mom, and I just. I don't know. I remember being left out of a lot of things."

"Is it normal for vampires to not remember the time before they were turned?"

"No," Kara emphasizes. "Alex remembers everything right up to dying, and then everything after waking up again. She didn't lose a second. I just have flashes and feelings and all these things I think are true, but I can't really remember."

"Hmph," Lena hums, biting her lip, studying Kara for a long second. "And you said you never could fly like the rest of the daughters?"

Kara's heart sinks. Maybe she isn't fae. She shouldn't have thought it, knows she shouldn't have let it slip. "Yeah, I've just. Never been special. I'm probably not fae, then, right? That's what it sounds like?"

"No, the opposite. I think you are," Lena says, fumbling forward with so much conviction she nearly knocks Kara flat on her back. And just like that, she's in Kara's lap again, same as she always is: arms thrown around her neck, face pressed against her hair. Kara practically melts. Her world might be getting flipped on its head, but there's only one faerie that can make that feel okay. Make her still feel safe and loved and most importantly, at ease. "It mostly sounds like someone put a lot of effort into making you believe you weren't, like making sure you were never connected to any magic, fuck. That makes a lot more sense, then, doesn't it?"

"It does?"

"Well, yeah," Lena says, lifting her head as a smile spreads across her face. Kara smiles too. She can't help it. Her chest feels tight, and her head's spinning and she is so fucking overwhelmed, but for once it's a good thing. She has a thousand questions, of course—ones that Lena probably can't answer—but if she's fae, god, it just makes her feel in her heart that she at least wasn't someone bad. "Keeping you in the dark was probably the only way to protect you. It's a hell of a lot harder for Lillian to use me to track you if you're not connected to your magic. That's probably why Lillian hates vampires; hated Alura. For taking you. For shielding you. For letting us get this far when she was so hellbent on stopping it."

"Because we're predetermined?" Kara asks. She thinks that was the word. "What does that mean?"

"It means you're what makes me stronger than Lillian," Lena explains. Kara can feel Lena's heart clench tight, like just saying it out loud is affecting her. The most Kara's ever hoped for is not being important, because she always assumed it wouldn't be for a good reason if she was. Hearing it's actually the opposite, that she is important, and it helps Lena—she just, doesn't know what to do with that. "We're not sure why it happens, but some fae share a connection to the source, so they're basically linked to each other from the moment they're born. It usually means their magic is more powerful, which isn't always a big deal or enough to mean anything, but having royal blood and being linked to you—"

"Makes you dangerous?" Kara asks, offering half a smile.

Lena laughs then clamps her teeth into her bottom lip. "To put it bluntly, yeah," she agrees. "I think Lillian knew that killing you would've stopped me from becoming stronger than her. I guess once she realized that wasn't happening, she decided to take it out on everyone else."

"You said she wouldn't do that, though. In the forest."

"I don't want to believe she would," Lena frowns. Part of Kara wants to point out everything Lillian's done in the human realm, but the other part of her recognizes that Lena grew up with Lillian. She knows better than anyone that love is a weird thing, that you can hate a person and think they're bad and still hold them as a light in your life. "It's not just about power, like. Killing you would take away a piece of me. I'd—" She pauses. "I'd feel that," she goes on, quieter now. "Even if we never met. So, I guess I just don't want to believe she'd do that to me. But I suppose that's naive."

"No, I think it's fair," Kara comforts. "She's your mom, or was at least there to be."

"I feel like I don't know her anymore," Lena mumbles. "I'm not - I don't have any misgivings, I know she's done bad things. I just always thought maybe there was something salvageable in there. I thought if it came down to it, she'd realize I mean more to her than she lets on, but it feels like I don't, and that sucks. And it feels wrong to ask you to care about me being sad about that, but—"

"Hey, I care," Kara says fast, wrapping Lena in a tight hug. She rests her hands in the middle of Lena's back, where she's used to settling them now, right underneath where Lena's wings connect when she's not masking them. She just wants to give Lena the world. She wants to laugh with her and love her forever, watch her grow plants and climb trees and play with her hair every night when she's falling asleep. She wants Lena to always feel as important as she does whenever Lena looks at her, so she'll always care if something changes that. "I don't even wish bad things on Lillian, you know? I never have, and I still don't even with knowing this. It's okay if you don't think as little of her as she thinks of you. It's also okay if you do. How you feel is just, okay. No matter what it is. And I'll always care."

Chapter 11

Summary:

i haven't worked on this story in some time, so if anything is wildly inconsistent just point it out and i'll fix it lmao. anywho, happy new year and holidays and everything else i missed. thanks to whoever is still along for this wild ride, i truly appreciate y'all.

I'm on TUMBLR and TWITTER!!

as always, hope you enjoy xx

Chapter Text

Alex nearly chokes on the blood she's drinking. "She thinks you're what?"

"Ask it louder," Kara groans. "I don't think the girl by the window heard you."

"I heard her," the girl says without looking up from her laptop.

Kara presses the backs of her thumbs against her eyes. She's exhausted. She didn't get any sleep last night and didn't feed off Lena this morning, so she's been surviving on fuck all and prayers all afternoon and now she's crumbling. She hoped getting away from campus would help clear her head, but seeing protestors outside her favorite downtown cafe made her feel so nauseous she ended up in the park, pulling her knees to her chest under a tree and willing herself to not call Lena and interrupt her physics test.

That's how she ended up calling Alex instead and telling her about J'onn showing up. She wasn't going to tell her Lena's theory about Kara being fae, mostly because she was having a hard time believing it herself, but Alex knew something was wrong. That's probably why she insisted on lunch at the last place in twenty miles that still upholds its vampire-friendly policy. Still, Kara was doing great avoiding the topic, but then a Killers song started playing on the radio and she's not saying she believes in divine intervention, but when Brandon Flowers sang it's funny how you just break down, waiting on some sign, she cracked.

So, she told Alex she may be fae.

It went about as well as she thought it would.

"Are you serious?" Alex asks, dropping her voice. "That's huge."

"No, it's not. It might not even be true."

That makes Alex pause. She pushes the bottle towards Kara, the first time she's offered it up, even though they're supposed to be sharing and she's already drained two-thirds of it. "Of course, it is," she says gently. "If all this time you were meant to be fluttering around the forest instead of like, being oppressed - it's a big deal. But also, if you're fae—"

"I'm not," Kara frowns. "And I'm not upset I was supposed to have privilege, or whatever."

"You're focusing on the wrong thing, Kara. Forget I said that. If you used to be fae, then maybe you have ties. There could be someone you could reach out to, someone willing to talk since you're one of them."

"I don't know," Kara says. She grabs the bottle in front of her, hands trembling so much that it takes a second or two of squeezing it before she lifts it to her lips. She hates the taste of bottled blood and hates that she knows she's fae and hates that she can't keep living her life being oblivious and happy. Maybe Alura knew that all along, maybe she knew the only chance for Kara was if she just didn't know. Kara hates the thought of that, too. "I don't want to think about it."

"You're making your feelings the center of this, and that's understandable, I get it. Or maybe I don't get it, not exactly, but I'm not judging, alright?" Alex says. "All I'm pointing out is that thinking about it might make a difference in how we approach this whole thing. I mean, fuck, we're sharing expired blood, there are probably better ways to be living."

Kara twists the bottle and looks at the expiration date. Maybe Alex has a point. "I guess so." She looks away, over Alex's shoulder at the pastries underneath the glass in front of the checkout. She wonders how they taste, if they're as sweet as Lena's blood. "I wouldn't even know where to start, who to reach out to."

"I think I have an idea," Alex perks up. "It could just be nothing, but when you think about it - nothing is all we really have." She twists and clicks the buckle open on her messenger bag, sifting through papers, one-by-one adding sheets to a folder.

Kara takes another sip of blood and sighs. It could be a selfish thought, but her feelings aren't irrational. She deserves to have them even if the world feels like it's on fire. "Okay, maybe I am upset." She twists the bottle on the table, focuses her eyes on the label, and ignores the thrum of her magic. "Maybe I'm pissed that I could have had a better life, that it was snatched away. But is that so bad?"

Alex looks up, lips parted, forehead crinkling between her eyebrows. "I don't know, I don't - know." She looks down at her bag again, searching through it slower. "I mean, I guess I know. We all used to be human, and that was better than being this, and - you're right. Everyone is upset when they're first turned, and I guess you didn't get the chance to be because you didn't know what you lost. So, no, it's not so bad. It's just bad timing." She pulls the folder out and sets it down on the table, looks up at Kara again. "I'm sorry the threat of war and extinction is stealing your origin story thunder, but look. When this is over, we'll throw an all-out pity party and you can be the star of it. There'll be balloons and icy bloop pops and blood wine with high enough BAC you won't remember it in the morning. We can even have it at my place. Lena's invited, too. How's that sound?"

"It sounds dumb." Kara rolls her eyes, but she smiles. It's at least nice imagining there'll be an after. That life will somehow continue beyond this, and they'll live to see it happen. Alex smiles, too. Fine. "Whatever. So, what'd you find?"

"Magic," Alex says excitedly, poking the front of the folder. "But not fae, wolves."

"Wolves?"

"You mentioned runes the other day, right?" Alex opens the folder and starts pulling out scans of old books. "Runes are all over wolf history. So is magic if you look close enough. I spent all of yesterday trying to translate this. There's a section of this text where they say - she reads off some words Kara doesn't understand, then - protection comes from the forest is my best guess, but I'm not sure."

Something about that makes the magic inside Kara feel tingly. Lena always says it's like a guiding light, that it pulls her in certain directions, so maybe it can do the same for Kara if she trusts it enough, listens hard enough. 

"You think that means Fae?"

Alex nods. "I think so."

"I know a wolf," Kara says, "He dated Lena a little while back, said they broke up because she didn't know about him. If wolves and fae have a history together, it - it doesn't make sense."

"You're friends with Lena's ex?"

Kara quirks a brow. "Now who's focusing on the wrong thing?"

"Right," Alex smiles, then she shakes out her head. "Did either one of them..." She pauses. "Maybe they were lying."

"Maybe."

"Why did Lena say they broke up?"

Kara shrugs. "She said she only dated him to make me jealous."

"Right," Alex laughs. She rubs her hand over her face. "I'm trying really hard not to focus on the wrong thing." 

"More like not trying at all," Kara retorts, taking another sip of her drink.

"I just think it's funny she didn't, you know - just tell you she likes you. There are easier ways to get a girl than hooking up with her friend. Trust me, I've been doing this for a while."

"They didn't hook up," Kara says.

Alex arches an eyebrow. "No?"

"Lena said they didn't." 

Alex chuckles, and Kara has to bite back a groan. She's so annoying. "You asked?"

"She told me," Kara corrects.

"So, you were worried they did?"

"No, I wasn't." Kara dismisses it with her hand, letting her eyes drift back to the pastries.

Humans have so much food just lying around, so many things they can eat for sustenance, and they somehow think they're the ones getting the short end of the stick by vampires existing, being allowed to fucking buy blood. Humans don't even need the blood. They kill animals anyway and drain it, it just. Doesn't make sense.

"It just sounds like you asked, which means it maybe bothered you."

"Well then you're not hearing me correctly, because I wasn't worried about it. Like I said."

"It's okay if you were worried," Alex says.

"But I wasn't, okay? I wasn't," Kara says, too loud, then her eyes shoot to the girl by the window again.

"Heard that too," she says, still clicking on her laptop.

"Lower your voice," Alex giggles. "We're in a public environment."

"I hate you," Kara whisper-shouts. "Seriously, I hate you."

Alex takes a deep breath and lets it out, but she's still smiling like a little shitter when she's done. "We should talk to your friend."

"And say what?" Kara asks. It's objectively a good idea, but now she's worked up and her magic is buzzing. She should have just stayed in the park alone. Alex rolls her eyes, which doesn't help anything. "No, really. What should we say? Please tell me about your magical history, I'm asking nicely? It doesn't work that way. Everyone keeps their magic pretty close to their chest. I think it's even rude to ask. So, I doubt we'll get very far."

"We're a little past rude, right?" Alex tilts her head. "Besides, if you're connected to Lena and she's as strong as you say she is - I'm sure you could nudge him a little."

"I can barely grow a flower," Kara mumbles.

Alex runs her fingers through her bangs and ruffles them, chewing her lip. "You have a better plan?"

Kara doesn't. She wishes she had something better. She wishes she had any other plan, better or not, just so she could disagree with Alex and wipe the dumb look off her face. She always thinks she's right.

"No," Kara shakes her head.

"So, what then?"

"You're a turd, that's what," Kara grumbles, nudging the bottle back in Alex's direction.

"I'm sorry I messed with you," Alex says, "but I really think we should roll with this. It could be something."

"It could be nothing."

"I already said sorry, but I could say it again."

"God, just shut up." Kara grinds her teeth together and looks at the ceiling. It's not so much Alex or this plan or even the fae thing, not individually, but everything together is too much. She's only one vampire; there's only so much she can take. "I know you like giving me crap, but could you not? Not today. Not tomorrow. I'm not in the mood for it."

"I'm sorry," Alex says again, but this time she stretches across the table and grabs Kara's hand. Kara can feel her magic reaching out to her, warm and familiar, the way it does with Lena. If she were looking for a sign, she supposes that's it. "And we don't have to talk to your friend if you don't want to. We'll find something else."

"No, that's not - I guess it's worth a shot," Kara huffs, "but don't get your hopes up. I'm not great at navigating the whole magic thing, and it's complex and intricate, and. I don't know, we just. Might hit a dead-end."

"That's okay," Alex smiles. "At least we can rule it out, right? I'll drive."

 

When they're in the car, Kara looks over at Alex adjusting her seatbelt and says, "I'll ask him to meet at the pick-up courts on campus. But I'm talking to him alone and you're not going to argue with that."

"I was going to suggest the same thing." Alex starts the engine. "Do you know what you want to say?"

"I don't know. I'll figure something out."

-

"We're dating," Kara says.

James, sitting next to her on the bleachers, just smiles. "I know."

"Like, actually dating."

"I know."

Kara cranes her neck to get a better view of his face. "Like, we're sort of a really big deal now," she says, and watches as he drops his head, cheeks bunching from his laugh. That's a good enough response for her. "I just thought you should know."

"You've missed weeks of pick-up games," James reminds her, turning to look in her direction. "I figured you either started dating Lena or you got sucked into some underground vampire society. It was honestly a fifty-fifty, so I'm glad it's Lena."

"Shut up," Kara shoves him, laughing when he shoves her back and ruffles her cardigan. She missed him more than she knew she did, felt it in the way she nearly broke apart the second she saw his face. It's goddamn windy and freezing at the courts, but it's worth it. He always has a way of making sure her heads on straight, and she could use that more than anything right now. "I'm happy," she says, deflating a bit, picking at the frayed yarn on the end of her sleeve. "I'm happy in ways I didn't think I could be happy, but it sucks, you know? I feel like I can't enjoy it with everything going on."

"Yeah, I've seen the news," James says, followed by a long pause that's only broken by Kara clearing her throat. James rests his hand on her knee. "I'll always have your back, you know that. Even after being ignored for ages."

"God, m'so sorry," Kara groans, letting her head fall. "I didn't want to - I just - there's so much going on, and I guess I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it. But now I don't know what else to do, and there's so much, I just. I'm sorry."

"You can talk to me," James says, but she can't. Not really.

She can only tell him broken pieces, fragments, and half-truths. Everything she thought she knew about her life is turning out to be lies, and she can't even - fuck. "I just keep figuring out there's so much I didn't know, and it feels like I'm - like my head is - like it's—"

"I get it," James says, squeezing her knee to quiet her.

She opens her mouth to say no you don't, but there's something about the heavy way he said it that hits her in the chest. Still, she doesn't want to just spit it out, tell me everything you know about fae. She has to be sure first. "I know you understand the parts you've seen on television, but it's deeper than that. There are things I don't even think I'm allowed to talk about."

"Like magic?" James asks. He looks around even though they're alone at the courts. "Lena's fae, right?"

Kara blinks. That... was easy. "How'd you know?"

James' mouth quirks into a smile. "How could I not? It's practically bleeding out of you, could feel your magic as soon as I saw you walking up. Plus, I always knew about Lena." He pulls his hand off Kara's knee and starts tugging at his jacket sleeve, coaxing it up his arm. "Most magic comes from the same source regardless of what your culture refers to that source as, so it's all connected to each other. It's easy to sense other magical beings when you're magical yourself."

"Why can't I sense you, then?" Kara asks. She reaches out with her magic, but there's nothing there. He's as silent as Alex.

"Look." James holds out his forearm. It's bare for a second, but then a rune starts to fade into his skin. The second Kara sees it, she can feel him. He's strong, too. "Even if all magic is connected to the same source, not all magical species are friends. It's safer to mask, never know who might be out to get you."

"Oh," Kara mouths. She knows that Lena masks, but she always thought it was because she has so many runes, that she didn't want to draw attention to herself. "Lena never told me that I could, or that I should."

"Yeah, that makes sense," James says casually.

Kara blinks at him, confused. "Why?"

He laughs. "I mean, there's the one massive, obvious reason she wouldn't want you to."

Kara frowns. If there's some weird magical thing going on that Lena left Kara in the dark about on purpose, she's going to rip the leaves off of every plant in the apartment. They agreed to be open.

"You really don't know?" James asks. He shakes his head and rests his hand on her knee again.

"No, I really don—" Kara starts to respond, but then a sharp spark of pain shoots across her hip. It gets worse half-a-second later when James snatches his hand away and her entire side lights up white-hot and stinging. Kara yells and jumps from the bleachers, snatching off her cardigan and clawing her shirt up because it feels like she's literally on fucking fire. She nearly yells again when she looks down and sees that her rune is glowing bright red, the skin around it angry and pink and puffy. It looks worse than it did when Lena first seared it in and hurts more, too. "What the heck?" she spits out. "What'd you do to me?"

"She claimed you," James says, nonchalant, like Kara's head isn't spinning. "That's her magic flaring up, protecting you."

"By hurting me?" Kara asks. She grits her teeth and covers the rune with her hand. Maybe she can snuff it out. "I know I'm new to magic, but nothing about that makes sense."

James smiles again. Maybe Kara's losing her sense of humor, but she can't find the funny in the pain she's in. "If I kept touching you a second longer, I wouldn't have a hand. That's why she doesn't want you to mask. She's letting everyone who can sense it know that they shouldn't mess with you. Not if they want to keep living."

"Great," Kara mumbles. She can feel the pain start to let up, stinging less by the second. At least her skin is calming down. "But it didn't hurt the first time you touched me."

"Yeah, it only protects you from other magic," James explains. "You can still technically be staked, I guess."

"Wonderful." Kara waits a few more seconds before she takes her hand off. She can still see the aftermath of the flare-up, the irritation on her skin. But she's finally colder than she is hot, so she lets her shirt drop and sits back down to grab on her cardigan. "So, you were lying about her not knowing you're a wolf?"

"No, that was the truth," James tells her. He pulls his sleeve back down. "Masking works on fae, too."

"Why didn't you want her to know?"

"Why would I want her to know?" James counters. Kara thinks about that, then she tries her best to repeat the words Alex said at the cafe. She mostly ends up stumbling over them, but it looks like James gets the gist of it. He's smiling hard enough his eyes are squinting. "You did your research. You think wolves are connected to fae?"

"I'm pretty sure they are," Kara says, hugging her cardigan snug around her against the breeze.

"Well, you're only half right," James says, knocking their knees together. "We're connected to light fae, but not dark fae. It was a pact set up centuries ago for protection - they give us runes; we fight for them. It's mostly symbolic now, but the elders say we're pretty much the only thing standing between them and war."

"What do you mean?"

"It's no secret dark and light fae don't like each other. Dark fae have wanted to fight for power for who knows how long. They just don't have the strength to fight light fae and wolves." James juts his chin in her direction. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a bond rune, isn't it?"

"Um." Kara feels so exposed suddenly. It takes a second for her to realize it's her magic - it's reacting negatively to that question. Maybe it means she shouldn't talk about it. It's all so hard to keep up with. "It's rude to ask, right?"

"Fair enough," James laughs, scuffing his shoe on the concrete. Then, offhandedly, he says, "She must really love you."

Kara doesn't want to take the bait, but she does. "Fine, it's a bond rune. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Fae don't usually bond to non-fae."

"Why not?" Kara asks.

"Because it makes them weaker," James says. "I'm not an expert, but I know bonds are about reciprocation. If you're not fae, you can't. It's just one side giving up their magic."

"Lena says she can still access it," Kara points out. She really hopes that wasn't a lie.

"It's true," James confirms, "but only in proximity. If you're separated, even just physically, she's effectively half as strong as she used to be. No offense, but fae are a bit conceited. Most wouldn't make that sacrifice."

"Most aren't Lena."

"That's true," James shrugs.

Kara's probably been told enough upsetting information to last a million lifetimes, and that's only counting what she's learned in the past few weeks. She can't handle anything else. Even if it gets them closer to figuring this out, she just can't handle it.

"I have to go," she decides. "Alex is waiting for me, but. Thanks. Thanks for meeting up with me." She bites down on her lip, tries to come up with something more she can give, but she can't. She's exhausted. "I missed you. We should talk more."

"Anytime." He nudges her thigh again. "I told you I have your back, always. I mean that."

"I know," Kara says. "Oh, one more thing - how'd you know about Lena?"

"Right, yeah, that's the thing," James huffs, "Outside of humans, Lillian doesn't really hide that she's fae, never has. She's strong enough she doesn't have to. But it sort of follows that Lena would be, too, since she's her daughter."

"God, Lillian's annoying."

"Tell me about it," James laughs.

Kara rolls her eyes, then she knocks shoulders with him, gives him a hug, and gets up from the bleachers. She stumbles into Alex's car five minutes later, hands both numb and burning from the cold. She's so happy to be in the warmth again that she huddles over the fan blowing out hot air. "They're connected," she says, "wolves and fae."

"Oh shit, you got him to talk," Alex says, reaching for the radio to lower the volume. "How'd you convince him?"

"Apparently my magic announces itself before I've even entered the room, courtesy of Lena." Kara huffs over her hands, rubs them together, then leans back and buckles her seatbelt. "I didn't need to bring it up, he did. He said wolves are connected to light fae, the only thing keeping light and dark fae from going to war."

"Why's that?"

"Dark fae wouldn't have the numbers," Kara shrugs. "Wolves would fight with light fae, so it'd be a massacre, probably. Everyone knows that wolves are as strong as it gets. I mean, outside of—"

Oh.

Kara stops short, words clumping in her throat, but Alex doesn't seem to notice. She says makes sense, then starts talking about other things she saw in her research. Kara tunes her out. She keeps replaying the line from the cafe in her head over and over - it's funny how you just break down, waiting on some sign. It's never actually added up why Lillian didn't just kill her when she had the chance, why she didn't kill her before now, why she's still somehow alive. Lillian had no issue at all with killing Alura, with fucking over Lena, with going for Kara's life at least twice before now. She's too smart and too powerful and too fucking Lillian to not know who Kara is, so. Kara can't shake the feeling, the weight on her chest, the way her magic is coursing through her like blood tumbles back into a numb foot. It's just... it's funny and maybe not coincidental that the only species outside of fae to rival wolves is vampires.

She tunes back in just in time to hear Alex ask, "D'you think James could point us in the direction of some light fae to talk to? I mean it feels like we share a mutual enemy, right?"

Jesus, Kara's fucking heart is pounding. She tunes her out again. She wants to think it can't be true, but it's just wishful thinking because she knows it can. Her magic can sense it, too. It's prodding underneath her skin, prickly and frustrating, and it's funny how you just break down... "What if Lillian wants vampires to fight with dark fae?" she says out loud. "What if that's the plan?"

Alex stops whatever she was saying and stutters out, "Huh?"

"Think about it."

"I'm thinking about it," Alex nods, "and Lillian's said on national television how much she hates us. There's no way."

Kara rubs her hand over her face. "So, the move to pull our food supply was what?"

"Her being a cold-hearted bitch, what else?"

"Alex, think about it. She controls our food. She controls - she controls me. She controls us," Kara points out. "You've been saying for years that vampires will follow me. I'm Alura's last daughter, yeah? And now that I'm bonded to Lena, I - I'd do anything for her."

"Kara," Alex whispers, but Kara can see in her eyes that it's hitting her. Kara grips her hand over her chest. Her heart is truly goddamn racing. "Okay, fine, okay. That's a possibility. It's on the table. But that gives us power, right? If she needs us, then that's leverage. If, fuck, um - if that's true, then - I don't know. I just need to think about—"

"Oh my god, Lena," Kara cuts her off. Lena's heart is racing. Kara snatches her phone from her pocket, nearly dropping it in the process, and it's already ringing. She answers it. "I'm okay," she says fast. "Just breathe. I'm okay."

"Kara!" Lena yells, and it's obvious she's been panicking. This day just keeps sinking down the hole. "Kara, you just - what’s happening? Where are you? I felt it. You were in danger. Tell me where you are."

"It’s okay, I wasn't in danger," Kara says, and immediately feels embarrassed. "It was just a prank."

"A prank?"

Alex is going to give her shit; Kara just knows it. Even so, she's more worried about what Lena might do if she lies, so. "Someone said they could sense I'd been claimed and then they touched me with their magic to prove it."

"Who?" Lena asks. "Who would do that? That’s so dumb."

"It's not important," Kara says.

"Yes, it is," Lena says back. "If someone's out there treating claims like a joke, I want to know who it is."

"I'll tell you later, maybe when you’re not so worked up, so you don't do something irrational."

"Oh my god. Come home. Now."

"Yep, I'm on way."

"Good," Lena says, then she hangs up the phone.

Alex snorts. Kara cuts her eyes at her. "Don't start with me, okay? Don't start."

"He touched you with his magic?" Alex smiles.

"I hate you," Kara says, and then she pulls her shirt over her mouth and stays that way the entire drive home.

Chapter Text

"I can come up with you," Alex offers when she pulls up outside of Kara's apartment complex.

"Don't be a butt," Kara tells her, rolling her eyes.

"It was a real offer, you turd. Not just because you'll get chewed out, but to talk about your theory."

"No, it's fine."

"You sure?" Alex asks.

Kara covers her face with her hands and lets out a long, exhausted sigh. "I'm not sure I'll even bring it up," she says through her fingers. "Maybe not tonight, at least." She rubs her eyes then drops her hands. "James also said some stuff about our bond that Lena didn't tell me about, and I'm still figuring out how to bring that up, too."

"Hmm," Alex hums. She unbuckles her seatbelt and turns in her seat to face Kara. "Does it feel like—" She cuts herself off, then rephrases, "Do you feel like bonding to Lena has benefitted you more than its hurt you?"

"It hasn't hurt me at all." Kara drops her hands in her lap and focuses her eyes on them. "The bond has only helped me, really. It's made me stronger. The problem is that the more I learn about it the more I realize that it's only hurt her."

"It sounds like everything she keeps from you is to protect you."

"It is," Kara agrees, then yelps ow when Alex punches her shoulder. "What was that for?"

"Because you're dumb," Alex frowns. Then she punches Kara again when Kara just tilts her head, confused. "You have this awesome, selfless girlfriend who's out there killing herself to protect you, and you're whining in my car because you have to actually communicate about your weird magic bond. Just talk to her."

"I don't want to ask too many questions. But," Kara adds, when she sees Alex clenching her fist again, "you're right. She's amazing and I should talk to her, okay? I just sometimes feel like I'm asking too much and it's annoying since it's all common sense to her. Anytime I'd ask Alura too many things after I was turned, she'd just wave me off, so—"

"That's because Alura was a dick," Alex huffs. She sighs then, her face softening. "Look, I'm sure Alura probably did some hero shit with saving you or whatever, but then she was a total asshole about it for the rest of your life. From what you're telling me, Lena isn't like that. I'm positive she'll answer whatever questions you have."

Kara melts a little in her seat. Alex annoys her to no end, but she's always been in Kara's corner when she's needed it. "I thought you didn't even like Lena."

"Anyone willing to risk their life for you is okay in my book."

Kara shakes her head. Alex is ridiculous. "You do realize that's a really high bar to set for the people I date, right?"

"Well, you magically signed your life away, so you won't be dating anyone else, will you?" Alex smiles and nudges her as she says it. Kara smiles too because it's true: she's with Lena for better or worse, and it's already been so much fucking better than what she's used to. "She's not so bad, is she?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for ages."

"To be fair - her mom is trying to kill us."

Kara nods. "Yes, I know, and she's - actually, could you not make that like, a big thing in front of her?"

Alex tilts her head. "So, I'm supposed to tip-toe about—"

"No, no," Kara cuts her off. "I'm just saying she feels like crap and she's one hundred percent on our side, but - I don't know. It's her mom, and she thought she was different or something, so it's hard, I think. She's still processing."

"As if Lillian hasn't been a murderous bitch for years?" Alex shakes her head. "But, okay. I'll lay off her around Lena."

"Thanks," Kara says. "Really, I mean that. Thank you. I know it's a lot to ask."

"It's not, it's fine," Alex waves it off.

"No, it is," Kara emphasizes. "Lillian hasn't been amazing and we all know that, so it's a lot to ask, objectively. But I really appreciate - well, I appreciate you. I appreciate how steady you've been through all of this."

"Aw, don't make this weird," Alex gushes, smiling. "We're too tough to do mushy."

"Okay, well, I love you." Kara smiles back and leans over to rub her face against Alex's shoulder. "You're super tough, though. I'll say that if anyone asks. You're too hardcore for this world."

Alex throws her head back and laughs, then ruffles Kara's hair. "Get out of my car already. Lena's waiting for you."

Kara blinks at her. "Mmm, no. I don't think so. Not until I hear it."

Alex rolls her eyes. "Hear what?"

"You have to say it back," Kara says. "You can't just leave me hanging like that."

"I don't know, it's a little funny seeing it get under your skin."

Kara lifts up and squints at her. She always has to choose violence with Alex. "You know, sometimes - when we're in the forest - Lena will grow vines from the ground and trip me just to have a laugh."

"What are you saying?" Alex asks.

"I'm saying my girlfriend can make things happen," Kara says. "Just to let you know."

"Right," Alex nods, then she laughs and rolls her eyes. "Fine, I love you," she caves. "Now, go. Go get yelled at."

"Thanks, would love to," Kara perks up. "I'll call you later; answer your phone," she says, then she climbs out of the car.

She stumbles inside the apartment less than a minute later and finds Lena asleep. She supposes she could be respectful and busy herself watering the plants in the kitchen, but. She shrugs off her bag and walks straight to the sofa Lena's lying on to drape herself across her back.

Lena shifts into her before she fully yawns awake. Then she hums, always content with being crushed.

"I missed you," she says, muffled against the pillow. 

Kara blushes at that. She tries to bury her face in Lena's hair, but Lena shifts so she ends up nuzzling against her ear. "Does that mean you've forgotten about earlier?"

"You mean the heart attack you gave me?"

Kara kisses her cheek. "I'm fine, I promise. You don't have to panic every time we're separated longer than a few hours."

She can actually feel Lena rolling her eyes. "Yeah, okay, I'll just reserve it for when you completely go off the grid or send bright red warning signs through our magic - oh wait, that's every time we're separated for a longer time."

"It was just James," Kara tells her, opting for the truth since Lena would pull it out of her anyway. "I wasn't in trouble or even scared. It was your magic that reacted. For no reason, by the way."

"I told you it would." Lena frowns, twisting her head more towards Kara. "Also, James?"

"Yeah, he's uh." Okay, maybe it isn't Kara's place to out him. "He's like—"

"A wolf," Lena finishes. She relaxes into the pillow again. "I knew it. That's why he broke up with me, isn't it? I'm so annoyed."

"That he's a wolf?"

"No, that he broke up with me for it. It's not even a big deal."

"It's not like it was going to last," Kara says. "I mean, that's what you said."

"It wasn't," Lena says, then sighs. "I don't know. Sorry. I think I'm just hangry. And frustrated."

"Yeah, it's been a long day," Kara agrees. "How was your physics test?"

Lena shoulders against Kara until she lifts up and lets Lena turn over, a clumsy process that takes way too long to sort their legs out. But once Kara's settled on top of her again, Lena says, "It was fine, mostly things I already knew before the class. Which squashes your argument about me needing to show up." Kara laughs and leans in to steal a kiss, but she's obviously unsuccessful since Lena turns her head. "But that's not why I'm frustrated," Lena says, nudging Kara away as she turns to look at her again. "I'm frustrated because you've been weird these past few days and I'm not sure why."

"Weird how?" Kara asks. She lifts up completely and rests her shoulder against the backrest, looking down at Lena. She looks good today, like cozy in a ruffled sort of way. Soft sweater, worn sweats, messy hair.

"To start with the obvious, we haven't had sex in like, three years."

Kara snorts. "Four days at most."

"And you won't feed." Kara can't tell if Lena's angry or just upset at that. "You don't even tell me when you're hungry."

Because she can't , Kara thinks, but she also can't say that out loud, not without it being a big deal. So, she does what she does best - sighs and tries to side-step the issue. "Alex gave me a bottle today. I'll drink it tonight, okay?"

Lena frowns. "So, it's me. Did I do something?"

"No, it's just." Kara pauses. Truth is, she still isn't used to Lena being a food option, and she doesn't bring it up because it feels like she's asking. It feels like any time she says she's hungry, she's suggesting Lena should offer up her neck. She doesn't want to be a bother or want Lena to feel obligated, and it's hard because Lena will never say she feels obligated. So, Kara just doesn't talk about it. And she can't bring herself to talk about it, even now. "I don't know."

"Kara," Lena huffs. "Really, what is it? I always have to pull your teeth for you to eat even a little bit, and I don't particularly like feeling annoying. It's a lot easier if you're just honest about being hungry."

"I'll try," Kara says in a whisper.

"I don't see what the big deal is," Lena says. Kara feels a little like she's being steamrolled. "I'm more than capable of sustaining you if you let me, and it's not like it makes you a cannibal or something." Which, what? Kara laughs at that, can't keep her smile from spreading. "No, I'm being serious. I know we just figured you're fae, but it's not like you're eating me."

"Oh my god, that is not the problem." Kara groans and lets her head fall forward. Alex was right. She should just talk to Lena and stop being so frustrating about everything. "I just don't want it to feel like it's your responsibility."

"Well, it's not - it's my honor," Lena beams.

"Stop it," Kara laughs, ruffling Lena's sweater. Lena laughs too, a warm, pretty sound that makes Kara want to try kissing her again. So, she falls forward, settling between Lena's thighs, resting heavy on top of her. This time Lena doesn't turn away when she presses in, but she does dart forward, nips at Kara's lip. Kara just kisses right into it, licks into her mouth when she parts her lips and keeps going until they're both out of breath. She feels a lot more prepared for this conversation when she finally pulls up. "Okay, but what you said is - that's actually the other reason I'm hesitant. Because it feels like you don't know how to say no, and I don't want to take advantage of that."

Lena frowns at that. "I don't want to say no."

"And therein lies the problem," Kara says, chewing her lip where Lena bit it.

Lena wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, brow furrowed like she's thinking. "Okay - just imagine like, what if I was the vampire in the relationship. What if I spent my entire life starving and you figured out your blood is basically the equivalent of Wagyu beef for me? You're saying you'd be like tough luck, just drink the shit in the bottles? Because, if you would, then - actually I won't entertain that because I know you'd cut your heart out just to give me a sip."

"That's different." Kara doesn't like this scenario. "I'm more than happy with the bottles."

"Really?"

No. "Yes."

"So, you're fine with considering me inedible?"

"I don't, like." Kara sighs. "I don't know. What if you're mad at me?"

"I'm mad at you now," Lena says, and she's just so frustrating. "I'd say no if I need to. But not if m'just irritated or we're having a fight or I'm not in the mood - and I don't see myself not being in the mood - but the point is I know what I'm asking, okay? And if you're not interested, that's fine. But if you're just concerned that it'll blow up in your face, or it's too good to be true, or that you're forcing me or something, then don't be."

"Fine," Kara decides. "I think I'm a little hangry, too. And Alex said we could share a bottle today," she sighs, "but she drank most of it and it was expired, so I only had a little and what I did drink tasted like, really weird."

"Oh, we can't have that," Lena smiles.

Kara rolls her eyes and moves forward to kiss her again. Lena's lips are just as good as blood, if she's honest, already feels like the world is a little brighter. "You enjoy this way too much."

"Would you rather I hated it?"

"No." Kara nibbles her lip. Alex is always right and it's infuriating. "I'm sorry I'm being frustrating. It's not on purpose, I'm just. I don't think I'm used to - I think you—" God, she doesn't know what she's saying. She drops her head and groans against Lena's neck. "My brain is tired and I need to eat, but I'm sorry I'm an idiot. I love you."

"You're not an idiot," Lena corrects, tangling her fingers in Kara's hair. "You're just dumb sometimes. Which is fine, I think, because I'm dumb sometimes, too. But we're learning together, aren't we?"

"We're learning too much," Kara pouts. "I don't want to learn anything new for the rest of my life."

"Did you learn something new today? From James." Kara hesitates too long, which is just as good as a response. Lena nudges Kara's side with her knee. "What did he tell you? We can talk if it's about fae."

"It's about you," Kara admits. She doesn't want to look at Lena's face when she says it, so she buries deeper against her neck. "You're not as strong since you bonded to me, especially if we're not together. That's what he said."

"Well, that's rude of him," Lena mumbles.

Kara frowns. "So, it's true?"

"Technically, but I don't think that matters anymore," Lena says. Kara opens her mouth to object, but she adds, "Not saying I shouldn't have mentioned it - that part matters - but that in the big picture it might not."

Kara knows what she's saying even without hearing it explicitly. A part of her was thinking it too, but she never really let it get to the front of her mind. "You're never going to be stronger than Lillian. "

"I think I was supposed to be, but—"

"I died and lost my magic." Kara doesn't see the endgame where they win here. She doesn't know how this ends well or doesn't end up with her dead again or worse. "It's not looking good."

"Yeah," Lena sighs. "I'm not saying I couldn't put up a fight – I definitely could, and I'm still getting stronger, but I'm not sure I'll ever actually reach a point of being stronger than her. I thought I would, but I don't - I just don't know. And the fact that she hasn't been concerned about us getting together scares me. It's like she's not worried about it. I doubt she doesn't know who you are, and some part of me feels she may even know we've already bonded, but. She's just been silent and I think that means I'm no longer a threat. At least not to her throne." A heavy silence falls between them, filled with all the things neither one of them wants to say out loud, then Lena nudges Kara again and Kara lifts her head to look at her. "Look, I know this whole thing sucks and feels impossible, but no matter what, I'm not losing hope. We'll figure it out."

"Maybe," Kara says, then, "We don't even know what we're fighting."

"Yeah," Lena huffs, then a second later, she says, "Alright, get up." Kara frowns, but she complies - moves from on top of Lena and sits up again. Lena swings her legs over the couch to sit upright herself, and then she turns and pulls her phone from underneath the pillow she was lying on. "Okay," she says with finality. "I'm going to do what we should have done the moment this started looking bad."

"And what's that?"

"I'm contacting my mother," Lena says, unlocking her phone screen. "It's obvious she wants our attention."

"Oh," Kara whispers. "Wait - you can do that?"

Lena looks up and shrugs. "Sure, unless she blocked my phone number. Which, she wouldn't. I bet she's just waiting for the moment she can gloat because I came back to her. When I cut her off, she thought it was a joke."

"Really?"

"She laughed," Lena mumbles. "She's not the greatest, but she'll respond to me. I'm still family."

"So, you're just going to call?"

Lena chews on that for a second. "No. She's better at talking than I am."

"Text?"

"Too informal. This is serious."

"Email, then?"

Lena sighs. "I guess it's the best option we have, right?"

"Yeah, I think so, but. How do we even - what do we even put in the email? Like. Dear Lillian," Kara says, as serious as she can, "please leave us alone. You're being a turd. Respectfully, Lena and Kara."

Lena laughs and slaps her arm. "What? You have a better idea?"

Kara sighs and leans back on the couch. She's spent all of today wound too tight; it's maybe time she just relaxes. "Honestly, I have no ideas at all. I'm a starving dead fae with no memories, so. I'm basically useless."

"Don't say that," Lena says. "You make me happy."

"Okay, I have one use."

"That's all you need." Lena smiles and clicks open the Mail app. "She's already escalating - it couldn't hurt."

"True." Kara leans forward and taps her knees. She's antsy, but they don't really have any other plan, and this feels like action and action feels good. She needs to busy herself. "I can make you fancy easy Mac while you get that sorted."

"Are you just adding basil to it?"

"Is it not good? It's the only plant I know how to grow."

"No, I think it's great," Lena says, nudging Kara. "I just think it's funny you call it fancy. But I guess you do prefer bottled blood over me, so it's not all that surprising."

"And with that," Kara laughs, standing up from the couch, "I'll be in the kitchen. Just yell if you need me."

Lena hums at that, eyes glued to her phone as she types, so Kara swallows down her nerves about it and heads into the kitchen. She spends a few minutes trying to rejuvenate the wilting plants, and when she fails, she spends a few minutes being sad she lost her magic. It feels weird - like she's missing a piece she never knew she had, but somehow it still hurts the same. She used to be a faerie. It's a sentence that means a few things concretely, but for Kara it just means a lot of question marks. Like who her mother was and how she died, and if anyone looked for Kara after she was taken, or if there are fae she could connect with if she only knew who they were. So maybe she does want answers a little bit more than she doesn't want them, and maybe contacting Lillian isn't so bad.

She lets herself be fine with that, and then she only manages to grow the smallest part of the basil stem in the next fifteen minutes, and that's where Lena finds her - at the beginning of the cycle again.

"You'll get better," Lena says, as if she can read Kara's thoughts the second Kara looks up from the pot of dirt. "You're basically an infant with your magic. I bet I couldn't grow a flower at two months old."

"I bet you could," Kara sighs. She lets her shoulders sink.

Lena smiles. "Maybe, but I've always been a faster learner than you are. You mind if I help?" Kara shakes her head and Lena walks up behind her to wrap her arms around her waist. She can feel Lena's face settling against the back of her neck, warm and heavy, and it makes her melt a little. "Try again," Lena suggests. "I want to feel what you're doing."

It feels too much like a test, is the thing, makes Kara's ears burn. But she knows that's another thing she can't say, another big deal that she doesn't want to make. So, she says the only thing that'll get her out of it. "Maybe I should eat first."

Lena knows her better than that, though. She kisses Kara's neck and hums against her skin. "Just try, alright?"

"Alright," Kara mumbles. Then she tries and she fails, and she really just wants to give up. "It's easier in the forest, so. Maybe I should stick to that and quit trying while we're home."

"Okay," Lena says. She pulls away from Kara.

Kara turns to face her. "Okay?"

"Well, you're obviously not in a good mood," Lena says slowly, "which is understandable. A lot is happening, and I get that. I get it. I don't want to - just tell me what you need, and I'll give you that."

"I don't know," Kara says. She's being honest. She feels like she's cycling through six emotions a minute and she can't slow it down or figure out where her head is. Every time she tries to pull her mind away to something lighter, she just finds a way to circle herself back. "We could go with your plan."

"I had a plan?"

"Eating and sex," Kara explains.

Lena laughs. "Let's eat and we'll figure it out from there. How about that?"

"Yeah, sounds good." Kara slumps down until Lena walks over and pulls her in, and then she leans into the hug and sighs against Lena's hair. She feels so pathetic, like small and useless and taking up too much space, but she knows it's okay - both to feel that way, but also just to be that way. Lena never minds how much space she takes up. Even when they're sleeping and Kara spreads out across the bed, Lena just curls into her and finds a way to hold on. She's not used to having someone like that in her corner. "Alex says I'm making this about my feelings, and I don't know how to stop."

"You have to sort it out," Lena says, giving Kara's hip a squeeze. She pulls away after, then kisses Kara's jaw and walks over to the basil stem in the pot. All she does is look at it and suddenly it's growing. "We don't have to talk about it now, but it could help a lot with your magic if you didn't bottle so much up."

Kara walks over to the cabinet to grab out a box of Easy Mac. She doesn't always mean to bottle things up, but it naturally feels like the less annoying option. "I just don't want to bother you with like, whining."

"Talking about your feelings isn't whining," Lena says. She starts picking off leaves from the plant.

Kara opens the box and fishes out the powdered cheese packet. "Alex said you would say that, but it's hard to like -" she pauses for a sigh "-it's just hard after Alura made me—"

"She had to," Lena cuts her off. "She had to make you feel like you couldn't ask questions. She had to keep you away from the truth so she could protect you. But we're past that now. You deserve the truth, and you deserve answers."

Deserve. It's another one of those things that has a concrete meaning but also comes with a lot of questions. "Do you think there are fae out there who - do you think someone out there misses me?"

"I don't know." Lena grabs a bowl from the drying rack and drops the leaves inside, then she turns around to face Kara. "I'm not sure, you know? But if you want to look, I'll search with you. I'll search with you forever."

Kara twists the packet in her hand, thumbing across the edges of it. "I've just always felt so alone."

"Me too," Lena says. "I know what it's like to lose your family and get stuck with a shitty replacement. You're preaching to the choir here. I'm in your corner, though, no matter what."

Kara wishes Lena didn't understand this feeling, that she didn't have to go through hell growing up, but she's also glad to have someone who gets it. "I'm really happy I have you. I know I'm not acting like it - know m'just complaining about how crappy things are when everyone around me is supportive, but. I do see you guys. I know you're in my corner, I'm just processing the best way I can. And I'm getting better at it with you. I think it just. Takes time."

"And food," Lena says, reaching out to grab the packet from Kara. "No more serious discussions until we eat."

That sounds more than fair. Kara smiles. "I like when you put your foot down."

Lena snorts, then waves her hand. "Whatever, just go get the bottle Alex gave you. I can cook this myself."

"No more offering yourself up?"

Lena tilts her head. "I would if I thought you'd take me up on it."

"Maybe I will," Kara decides.

"All you have to do is ask," Lena says, and then she turns around to unhook a pot from above the sink. Kara just stares at her because her mouth won't form the question and she can't understand why Lena never wants to make things easy for her. Enough time must pass for it to be frustrating because Lena sighs and says, "Okay, well. If you're going to stand there and do nothing, you can at least do something with the basil." Kara just pouts at the side of her face. Lena huffs and turns in her direction, tilting her head as she moves her hair aside. "Go on, then," she says, neck flexing.

"Huh?" Kara asks, distracted.

"Just feed, and we'll work on you asking later," Lena clarifies.

So Kara pins her against the sink and bites her neck. She loses herself the second the blood hits her tongue. The past few days are the longest she's gone without it since she started feeding from Lena, so it hits her brain like drugs and suddenly she can't get enough of it. She sucks for so long that Lena has to nudge her off, and when she pulls away her lips are tingling and Lena's skin is bruised purple, but she feels good. Her brain is less foggy and her chest feels lighter, and judging by Lena's flushed cheeks, she figures the bruise isn't really a big deal, either.

They're a lot more relaxed after that. They kiss a bunch until they remember they have water boiling for the shells, and that they both need to eat. Then Lena throws out the powder and makes a real cheese sauce, even grows tomatoes to add with her basil, and spends the whole time teasing Kara about the meaning of fancy. 

An hour later, after the food is gone and they've caught up on Hulu, the first thing Kara does is kiss Lena for salvaging her night. Then they strip down and take a shower (together, of course. It saves water), before finally snuggling up in bed. They spend every day with each other - practically inseparable save for the times one of them has to go to class for a test or mandatory attendance - but Kara still feels relieved to have Lena all over her, all to herself.

She knows Lena sympathizes, can feel it in the way she keeps pressing kisses against her jaw as they cuddle.

"You know I can heal it," Kara comments, splaying her hand in the center of Lena's back.

"What? Are you worried about my lovebite again?" Lena stretches out her neck like she's showing it off. "I told you I want to keep it. It makes me feel special, like I've been claimed."

"You're big on claims, aren't you?"

"It's a cultural thing," Lena says. She shifts over so she can slide on top of Kara, heavy and warm, straddling Kara's thigh. She lets her head settle, nose pressed to Kara's cheek. "I had an idea just now if you're up for it. But like, if it's weird, just say so."

"If it's weird then I don't want to hear it," Kara says, laughing when Lena tickles her. "Okay, okay, what is it?"

"Do you like feeling connected to me? Magically," Lena asks, instead of just coming out with it.

Kara hugs her in closer. "You know I do, just tell me what you're thinking."

Lena doesn't answer right away, but after a minute of her heart hammering, she finally whispers, "I think you should touch my wings again." Kara grips her tighter, reflexively. That was exactly the last thing she expected Lena to say. But it seems like Lena means it - she takes a deep breath, and adds, "I want you to really touch them, like you did the day I first showed you the forest."

"Oh." The memory of the first time is a hazy cocktail of magic and adrenaline, Kara losing herself and drifting just from the intensity of it. She knows it felt fucking amazing, and she definitely knows she enjoyed it, but she sort of thought it was a one-time thing; that Lena only did it to prove the book was a bad idea, but. Now she's offering again. "You'd like that?" Kara asks. Her throat feels dry when she swallows. She remembers how nice it was for Lena too, and that's enough for something heavy to settle in her chest - a mix of nerves and anticipation. "I mean, I'd like it. I really liked doing that—" for you, she starts to say, but it feels weird, so she leaves it there.

She can feel Lena's breath catch, though. She can also feel Lena shifting against her thigh, lips warm and wet against Kara's cheek. "Of course, yeah. I loved it when you did it," Lena says fast. "But I also felt so connected to you, so I thought maybe if we did it again, it could help with your magic. It could help you sort it out."

Kara shifts under Lena's weight, the pressure of it. She can feel it getting warmer between them, and she knows she runs cold, so it must be Lena heating up. She still hasn't learned to control her magic around Kara, and now that Kara's familiar with it, it's just as telling as Kara's fangs. Kara bites her lip to keep from smiling too wide. "It doesn't have to be about my magic. I'd do it just because you like it."

"What?" Lena sinks against her. "Really?"

"You said I'd cut my heart out for you," Kara laughs. Lena opens her mouth, probably to say she didn't actually mean that, so Kara quickly adds, "And you were right. I'd do anything for you, especially if it's something you enjoy."

"Oh," Lena breathes. She lifts up so she's hovering over Kara's face. She's already flushed and they haven't even done anything yet. "Are you sure? Is it too weird to ask? I don't want to make it awkward."

"How do you want to do it?" Kara asks, instead of granting that an answer. She trails her hands up Lena's sides. "You want to stay like this, or you want to lie on your belly, or sitting up, or... what's your preference?"

Lena nibbles her lip. She looks like she's spacing, but still holding on. "I want to do it how we are now, want to feel you." She pauses a second, then, "Do you think that'd be okay, though, not too overwhelming for you?"

"It shouldn't be," Kara says. She thinks she can handle it. She's been working hard to get used to the feel of Lena's magic. It still overwhelms her more often than not, if she's honest, but she's sure she can stop herself from completely losing it. "You afraid I'll accidentally fang your lip or something?"

Lena swallows. "Is that an option?"

"So this is what you meant by it might be weird," Kara says, then she lifts up to kiss Lena when she swats at Kara, smiling against her mouth. "I'll be careful, I promise. I'm good with my fangs now."

"I know, I wasn't even worried about that," Lena huffs, shoving her back down. She bites her lip again, then she flops down on top of Kara, snugging her mouth against Kara's neck and gripping her shirt tight in her fists. She takes a few deep breaths, in and out, slow and steady as her heart rate calms down, then a few seconds later, her wings are suddenly there – blanketing the bed, coating them in magic. It feels like the forest right in their bedroom, and it only hits Kara now how much she's missed it these past few days, how incomplete she feels without it. Her throat feels tight thinking about it, and she wants so much to touch Lena's wings, to feel submerged in it, but she makes sure to keep her hands on Lena's sides, does her best not to touch until Lena says she can.

Lena's already out of breath from it, panting against Kara's neck as she grips her shirt tighter. It takes a second, but she finally gives the go-ahead. "I'm ready whenever you are," she says. "Maybe try going slow at first, helps me ease into it."

"Okay," Kara says right away. She takes a deep breath and lets it out, then trails a hand from Lena's side to her back, makes sure to move slow enough it's not a shock, but fast enough it's not just a tease. She can tell Lena's holding her breath, so Kara starts with the back of her finger once she gets to the wing - gently runs it along the bottom edge of Lena's right lower wing - and it's barely a ghost of a touch, but Lena still shivers and grunts a soft sound. Kara pulls her hand away instantly, ears burning. "Sorry, did I—"

"You're okay. Just sensitive," Lena cuts her off. "Keep going. I'll warm up to it."

"Oh," Kara sighs, relieved, then she hums and runs her finger along the wing again. This time when Lena shivers she just holds it steady and waits for her to relax into it, sink down and catch her breath. Then she adds another finger on the left side, doing matching motions on both lower wings, and when Lena's noises go from slightly alarming to frantic and needy, she ventures off the edge to rub the underside. The magic is immediately apparent, jolting through Kara sharp and warm like fire and lightning, but she catches herself before she lets it cloud her head.

She remembers how overstimulated Lena got the last time - when Kara let herself get lost in it, let herself touch without taking cues from Lena - so this time she makes sure she's paying attention: attuned to every breath Lena takes, every gasp, every movement, every small fraction of feedback that lets Kara know she's doing the right or wrong thing. She learns a lot really fast, too - how the backs of her fingers are actually good for the underside of the lower wings, but as she goes higher toward the upper wings, Lena likes it more when she digs in and scratches a little. She learns when Lena starts moving her hips, it's more of a reflex than her seeking friction - getting too worked up - so Kara keeps pausing and letting her calm down before she touches again. She even tunes in to the rhythm of her magic, figures out which strokes make it pump slower, which ones make it thrum in time to Lena's heartbeat.

She manages to play with Lena's wings at least twice as long as she did the first time, only pauses once she notices Lena's warm enough to be hot, quiet and soft and sweat-slick on top of Kara, like they're six seconds from melting together. She feels like she could go on forever, intoxicated by the idea of figuring out everything she can about Lena, but it might be time to stop. "Hey," Kara says, giving Lena a nudge. Lena whines when Kara pulls her hands away but flinches when Kara grips her thighs. So Kara settles her hands on Lena's sides, over her shirt, and that seems to work fine. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah." Lena drags the word out, sounding almost sleepy. "I think m'just. Floating."

Kara lifts her hand and snakes her fingers in Lena's hair, scratches at her scalp and tugs until Lena lifts her head. Then she turns and kisses her cheek, breathes her in. "Are you sleepy?"

"No," Lena mumbles, shaking her head. "Cloudy, mostly."

"Do you want to have sex? We could do that." Lena shakes her head again. Kara plays with her hair some more and lets her settle back down. She's not really sure what she wants, which is weird since they're normally in tune. She wonders if she missed something. "Do you want me to play with your wings some more?"

"No, I think I've had enough for now." Lena hums, then, "Could you maybe just talk to me?"

"About anything in particular?"

Lena shakes her head. "No, just want to hear your voice."

Okay. That's easy enough. "Right, um. So, at the courts today, James was saying how he'll always have my back. And I've been thinking that maybe we're not as alone as we think we—"

Lena nudges her with her nose to cut her off and makes a frustrated sound. "Could you talk about something else? Please."

Oh. Kara takes a second to think, then she says, "I told you how I spent a lot of time in forests, yeah? When I was hiding with Alura."

Lena stretches against her like she's getting comfortable. "Mhm."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I helped a baby bear?"

Lena shakes her head.

So, Kara tells her the story and when it's over, Lena asks for another. They go on like that for a while. Kara keeps talking about her past, random experiences, and at some point Lena snaps out of the fog and starts participating in the conversation. They chat until the sun comes up, and Lena's blinks get heavy, and Kara has to flip them over and hide them underneath the covers to keep the light away. It could be the exhaustion or the stress or she might still be high off touching Lena's wings, but she realizes in this moment that she doesn't really need magic. She just needs Lena.

"I'd give it up for you," she whispers once Lena's finally drifting off.

Lena rubs her face against her. "What?"

"I mean magic. If it means keeping you safe, ending this whole thing, I'd give it up," Kara says. "I understand how beautiful it is, but - I need you more than I need magic, so. That's my choice if it comes to it."

"I won't let it come to it," Lena mumbles, and then she's asleep.

Chapter 13

Notes:

heyo, hope everyone is enjoying the new year so far! doing my best to finish this story ;__; all inconsistencies are my fault, pretend not to notice them (8 hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

Kara spends the next few nights staring at the ceiling after Lena falls asleep. Eventually, the monotony of it forces her to admit the thing she's been avoiding telling herself: she's starving. She can't tell Lena she is, but she knows what starving feels like. She knows it feels like this: makes her tense and depressed, moody and closed off and always too cold. She went through it before in the years after Krypton, and the fact that it's been days since she last slept isn't a good sign. Feeding off Lena was nice, lovely even, when she had other methods to supplement it, but now that Lena's her only viable source, she's having a hard time putting that responsibility on Lena's shoulders. 

She feels so helpless right now. She's never really felt helpful, to be fair, but the weight of their predicament is weighing heavier on her chest than anything she's experienced previously. It all feels like it's her fault. She knows she's not the one causing destruction, but she can't help thinking she could end it if she died. She wants to live, to have a happy life; it's all she's ever dreamed about and deep down what she feels she deserves. But she can't suffer the cost of it, and can't figure out anything else other than her own death that puts an end to the chaos. 

They don't have a lot of weapons in their arsenal. Anything they can do, she can bet Lillian's prepared for it, and even if it came to an all-out fight, there's no possible way for them to win. So, drinking Lena's blood feels like adding insult to injury, prolonging the one thing that's preventing vampires from achieving peace. She can't bring that up to Lena, though. Or Alex, for that matter, or even James. Because she knows they'd all fight like hell to keep her around, and they'd only see the destruction it's caused once it's done, not while they're doing it. Kara's had the luxury of living through Lillian's wrath once before, and while her memory is shot to crap, she can still smell the bodies burning, can still hear the screams and still dreams about the fire. She doesn't think she'll ever get rid of the scorched memory of Krypton because some things can't be taken away. She doesn't want that experience for anyone else. Especially not the ones she loves.

She doesn't know if it's that thought that keeps her up another hour, or if it goes back to her lack of feeding, but when she glances at the clock again, she sighs. Lena feels heavy on top of her, warm and solid, and Kara wishes she could at least find comfort in that, but it still doesn't help. Not her blood, not her wings, not Lena's attempts at connecting Kara to her magic. 

Nothing seems to work. 

At 4 a.m., she gives up on falling asleep altogether and heads into the living room with her thick socks on and her hands shoved into the front pocket of her uni hoodie. She's exhausted all of the usual things that make her feel sleepy, so now her plan consists of YouTube yoga and thumbing through relaxation podcasts until she finds a voice she can stomach for twenty minutes without getting a headache. Needless to say, she's thoroughly shocked when she flicks the lamp on and finds herself looking directly at Lillian.

As in, Lena's mom is currently sitting on their two-hundred-dollar Craigslist sofa, picking at a loose thread, and staring back at Kara like she's not really fucking terrifying as a surprise before the sun has come up for the day. Kara doesn't know what to do with herself, or her face for that matter, which results in her stopping and staring awkwardly with her mouth hanging open. She can still feel the warmth on her skin from Lena being curled around her for the past few hours, so her only consolation is if she has to die right this moment then maybe it isn't so—

"Pathetic," says Lillian, plucking the thread off the sofa. "Truly pathetic."

Right, so this is actually real.

"Hello," Kara whispers, out of shock more than anything else. She hardly expected a response to the email, let alone this. Ten seconds ago, she could only think about how good balasana would feel for her back after being trapped underneath Lena for hours; she can't—fuck, she needs Lena. She points over her shoulder. "Lena's just in the room, I could um. Grab her for this. She should be here."

"No need, this will be quick," Lillian says, then she stands up and Kara hates how surprisingly tall she is. It doesn't help that she's wearing all black, from her long overcoat and expensive sweater, down to her boots. "We have unfinished business."

"I guess," Kara says.

Lillian nods. "Okay. Then we don't need to bother her with what's between me and you."

"I doubt she'd think it's a bother," Kara deflects weakly.

She knows she's not exactly putting up a show of strength, but if by unfinished business Lillian means her centuries-long mission to kill Kara, then Kara would like to respectfully disagree about the presence of Lena. She tries to reach for Lena with her magic and, unsurprisingly, she can't even sense it's there. Maybe she is pathetic. What's the use of a claim if Kara can only activate it when she's goofing off with friends? They never should have talked themselves into thinking they were even remotely prepared for this.

She gives up on dignity altogether when she asks, "Is it really a fair fight if Lena isn't here?"

Lillian pauses. She just stands there blinking. After a few seconds and a too-long silence, all she says is, "Krypton."

Kara doesn't know what she means by that, but she figures Lillian just wants to rattle her. "I know what you can do," she says, putting her hands in her pocket again and sinking into her shoulders. She probably looks as small as she feels, but if Lillian is stronger than Kara's sensed Lena to be, then it's not like she's fooling anyone. They both know she's hardly capable of anything. "You could kill me if you wanted to. You always could. If it weren't for Alura, I'd be dead, and I know that. I know you burned Krypton. Lena told me."

Lillian purses her lips. "You were there," she says. Then, like more of a revelation than a question, "You don't remember."

"No," says Kara. "I remember the burning and the screams. I remember the smell. I don't remember you."

"What else don't you remember?"

Kara shrugs. "I learned I used to be fae just recently." She's not sure if it's good to give Lillian this information, but she figures there's no advantage in hiding it. They can't defeat Lillian, either way. They couldn't even stop her from getting into the apartment. "We figured out we're predetermined, too. We think that's why you've been after me."

"I didn't know you were alive," says Lillian, and Kara can't explain it, but she knows it's the truth. "At least not until Lena bonded to you with my family rune." Kara opens her mouth but shuts it again. She just, finally gives up on thinking she knows anything. "I saw you die back in Krypton. You weren't with the Daughters when they fought, so - honestly I wasn't sure you'd be you until seeing you tonight."

"I didn't die in Krypton," Kara says, because she couldn't have. That's the one thing she does remember. "I was already turned when I was there. If I died, that'd be it, wouldn't it? Unless there's magic?"

Lillian stares at her, and Kara just knows she won't get a straight answer. Still, she expects more than a shrug.

"Just tell me," she demands. "What is everyone hiding about me? What are they hiding about Alura?"

"Alura wasn't a savior," Lillian tells her, which doesn't help.

"I didn't think she was," Kara whispers, defeated. "She was probably just as bad as you."

"Worse," Lillian smiles. "She's the one that offered to kill you. She just couldn't finish the job."

"I wish she did," Kara mumbles, and recognizes that shouldn't have been out loud. She recovers with, "But she didn't, and I'm still here. So, what now?" She holds Lillian's gaze, as confident as she can. "What do you want from me? How do I get you to leave vampires alone?"

"What do you think I want?" Lillian asks.

Kara doesn't want to answer that one, not until she has more information, but she feels like something is compelling her to. She can't tell if it's magic, or if she's just fed up with this entire situation. "An alliance?" she asks. "Between vamps and dark fae."

Lillian tilts her head. It almost looks as if this is the first time she's considering that, but Kara really can't tell with her. She wishes like hell she could get control of her magic. There's probably a special way to handle Lillian and Lena's the only being she can think of that could possibly know the secret. "That's interesting," Lillian comments. "I assume you would lead them?"

"No," says Kara.

"It could work," says Lillian.

Kara frowns. "I said no. I wouldn't do it. Their lives aren't worth risking for a war they're not involved in. I don't know what the issue is between light and dark fae, but that's for you to figure out on your own. You don't need us."

"A fae war?" Lillian quirks an eyebrow, and she must get what answer she wants from Kara's face because she chuckles to herself. "If there actually was a fae war, it wouldn't be isolated. It'd impact a lot more than you think. All magical beings would choose a side."

"We wouldn't choose yours," Kara tells her.

"As if you'd have a choice," Lillian says. 

Kara wants to say she would, but she knows how far Lillian's willing to go. She doesn't have too many cards to play. "If you keep going like this, you'll lose Lena for good," she tries. "She still loves you. She still thinks you're not capable of all the horrible things you've done."

Lillian clicks her tongue against the top of her mouth. "I could have killed you the second you walked out of the room. The only reason you're alive is because of her. Killing you is the only way I'd break that tie, nothing short."

"That's what you think."

"That's what I know." Kara can feel her rune heating up, and for a second it feels like what happened with James, but then it starts to feel different, like it's pulling, like it's pointing her to Lillian. Which means Lena probably won't notice, but Kara still prays she does. If only she'd wake up or realize Kara's gone, but she's out like a busted light so hope is looking slim. "You'd be surprised how deep a family rune goes. It's an unbreakable connection. She can push me away all she wants, but in the end she'll be there."

"Unless you kill me? Then she could break it?"

"You're predetermined, like you said," Lillian confirms. "If I killed you, then yeah - she'd hate me enough to break it."

At the very least, Kara knows her death is no longer the goal. That just leaves every other vampire, though. Dying for Kara's existence because Kara can't protect them. She either leads them to their death or does nothing and watches them die for it. "Why did you visit?" Kara asks. "What did you want from me before you realized my memory was gone?"

Lillian shrugs again. "It doesn't matter anymore."

Kara starts to say, "It does," but then she wakes up, gasping for air, staring at the ceiling.

She looks at the clock and it's 4 a.m., and she can't figure out what the hell just happened to her. She springs out of bed at lightning speed though, notes she's still in her t-shirt and not her uni sweatshirt, and feels frantic when she can't locate Lillian in the apartment.

It couldn't have been a dream. It felt so real. Lillian was there; she had to be there. Kara could feel the air on her skin, could feel the fear in her chest and the gooseflesh prickling on her neck. She felt Lillian's presence. She couldn't feel her own magic, but it couldn't have been... a dream. Not with what Lillian told her. But then again, that could be explained away, as well. Was it really new information or just her fears taking form: Alura trying to kill her, Kara dying in Krypton, her rune—

Her rune. Kara looks down at her hip, hands trembling as she lifts her shirt, and that only confirms it. It's just like she thought: it wasn't a dream. Or maybe it was, but it was definitely something more, because her rune is bright red, puffy and irritated. She can even feel a lingering buzz of energy in the skin around it, so there was definitely magic there, recently on her body. And since Lena's still asleep, still hasn't woken up and sought out Kara, it had to have been Lillian. It's true, then, at least the part about the rune: it's connected to Lillian.

So, Lillian can get to Kara even in her dreams.

"Shit." Kara sighs, sitting down on the sofa and holding her face in her hands. Everything Lillian said could still be a lie, just a way to fuck with Kara and get her caught up in her own head. But it could also be the truth, and Kara doesn't know what that means moving forward. Lillian knows what they know now, even has it in her head she can force vamps to team up, thanks to Kara, and. It's all so fucked. "God," Kara mumbles, then she groans miserably, indenting her nails in her forehead and digging her heels in the carpet.

She should just use the book.

Maybe Alura wanted her dead, or maybe she didn't. Maybe there's a way for them to win this, or maybe there isn't. Kara just knows she feels like Schrödinger's Cat - can't figure out what's what, stuck in limbo, constantly wondering as long as she doesn't have all the pieces. They've been figuring it out bit by bit, but it seems like too little too late. And she's scared that by the time they piece it together, they'll only be preparing their defenses while Lillian has hers all sorted out. It's worth the risk when she thinks about it that way. Lena said dark magic could fuck up her connection to the source, so she's guessing she could lose her connection to her magic, but that's worth it, right? It's a small enough price to pay. Which maybe feels easy since the magic is Lena's and not her own, but she can take that as a victory and not a knockdown. It's better if she does it now, while she's frustrated with growing plants and struggling with her connection, better if she risks it in the early stages before she truly forms a bond and would be lost if she no longer felt it.

She needs to use the book.

Kara stands up from the sofa before she lets herself have another thought about it. Then she puts one foot in front of the other until she's at their bookshelf staring at the envelope. She starts to think about the worst-case scenario but decides to shove the thought down and grab the envelope, instead. Her hands are shaking when she sits back on the sofa, when she places the envelope on the living room table and stares down at it, drinking in the ominous feeling it's giving her. She has to push through it, though. She has to. She also has to do this alone. There are some journeys she can't take with Lena, and her gut is telling her this is one of them.

She pricks her finger and touches it down to the paper. She watches it shift into a book, and then she hesitates because she gets that eerie, icky feeling again, her magic cautioning her to stay away. She doesn't listen to it, though. This time she pushes through it and reaches out to undo the buckle on the book. It only gets stronger once she opens it, so consuming she can barely think straight. She shakes that off too, and wills herself to focus, because she needs to stay focused. The pages are blank at first, but the longer she stares, the more they shift, writing magically appearing in a language she can't read, line after line until suddenly her vision goes black and she can't see anything.

At first, she thinks she's passing out, but then it starts to feel more like a void, like she's somewhere else entirely. The darkness is everywhere, all at once, suddenly and swift, stretching on and on as far as Kara can see. It feels like she's floating, like she's drifting out in the center of space with nothing to tell her if she's up or down or in the right place, and it's weird but some part of her knows it's forever, knows it never ends. She gets the sense that if she looked too closely in any one direction, she'd only succeed in driving herself crazy. Examining the infinite doesn't sound like a good time, so she tries to focus herself instead: closes her eyes and lets her other senses expand to fill the void. Magic hums all around her; not quite hers, but not someone else's either. It's not differentiating between self and others like it usually does, just existing in an expanse that feels as hostile as it is welcoming. She has no idea where she is or where she's supposed to be, and she doesn't know if she's been transported physically or if she's still on the sofa but someplace else mentally. 

But she keeps focusing, pushing through the space, reaching past anything that feels too dangerous or too scary, hunting for something that feels like it's right, something that calls out to her as what Alura could possibly leave behind.

She has absolutely no clue what exactly she's looking out for, but when she finds it, she nearly yells in relief.

It's not a person. It's not even a place. It's a dot, barely discernable in the black. But it feels like Alura. And then there's another dot, not connected through space, but through the magic hovering around her, and then there's another and another, and Kara feels her mind slip away as she follows the trail. Falling into a place where it feels like there's infinite dark and infinite light, and she knows it's probably dangerous, but—

Kara.

She opens her eyes. There's fire all around her and she's standing in the center of it. Then someone grabs her arm, snatching her away from the flames licking at her skin, and it suddenly clicks for her where she is. She's in Krypton. She's back in Krypton and it's in flames again, but this time it's not just a memory. She can actually feel the sting of the burns on her hand.

"Kara," a voice says from behind her. "We have to go. It's not safe."

Kara turns around and, "Alura," she gasps. Alura stares back at her, eyes wide like she's just as surprised to see Kara. Kara doesn't know what else to say, so she goes with, "This already happened."

"I know," Alura says. "It still hurts, though - the fire. We have to move."

"You're dead," says Kara. "Like, really dead and not just the vampire kind. You've been dead for decades, actually."

Alura blinks at her. "I know, Kara. But the fire."

"Right." Kara looks down at her hand, the pink and red skin, and notices that it's still stinging. "It hurts."

"Yes, we need to move. It's not safe."

Kara steadies herself on her feet and follows behind Alura, trying to ignore the screams and keep up with her pace. This already happened. It already happened. She can't save them. She needs to focus. "What is this?" she asks, eyes glued to Alura's back. She's scared if she looked around, if she saw them burning, she'd be stuck, glued to her spot. "Why am I here?"

"The book," Alura says.

Kara waits for further explanation but doesn't get any. Maybe it's a test. "Dark magic."

"Yes," Alura says. She stops short and Kara nearly knocks into her. She doesn't let herself look around, refuses to, eyes focused on Alura's hair, now. Alura starts to move again. "I won't let it affect you. I just needed you here."

"What for?" Kara asks.

Alura doesn't answer right away, but a few minutes later she stops again, stepping out of the way and turning to look at Kara. They're on the edge of the settlement, surrounded by trees and covered by the darkness, out of reach of the flames, but in view of what's going on. Kara doesn't chance a look until Alura tilts her head. Then, she lets her eyes drift in that direction and her mouth falls open. "For this," Alura explains. "This works best if you're able to see it for yourself."

Kara can hardly believe what she's seeing, but she's looking at herself. Except she's not a vampire; she's very much fae, with large dark gray wings that have gold lines of magic running through them. She looks powerful and intimidating, so much more in control, more sure, more confident than she feels now. Even her hair looks better, fuller. Lillian wasn't lying, then. "I died here."

She wants to look away, but she can't. She hears Alura say, "Yes," though, so she reluctantly drags her eyes off herself to see Alura's face. If she's about to die, she really doesn't want to see that. "That's why I brought you here."

"Why?" Kara asks. She's confused. She doesn't know how this does anything but upset her. "Why bring me to the moment I died?"

"Because it's the only way you'll understand."

"Understand what? Why can't you just tell me? I'm pretty good at comprehending things."

"I don't have enough time," Alura says impatiently, "not the amount I'd need. You'll get it faster from watching."

Kara feels herself stirring inside, residual anger from all the years Alura left her in the dark. She's upset and risked so much coming here, just to hear Alura say she doesn't have the time to explain things to Kara in a way that doesn't involve traumatizing her. "You tried to kill me," she says, because so far Lillian Luthor hasn't told her a single lie. "Why should I trust you?"

"Okay," Alura says. Her eyes look impossibly dark. "This is risky, but I figured showing you Krypton wouldn't be enough."

Contingencies. It makes Kara even more upset that Alura prepared for her anger. "What's risky?"

"Prolonging your time here," Alura says, "but I think you're strong enough to withstand it. We just have to make sure you see Krypton."

"Fine," Kara says. "What else can you show me?"

Alura waves her hand and it's dark again, this time both her and Alura clinging to dots until they're suddenly somewhere else - a different forest. It's quiet all around them, but Kara can sense Alura's uneasiness, and it makes her feel on edge as well.

"This is where it started," Alura tells her. "Me, the Daughters, everything that's led to this moment." Kara can just barely sense it, but there's magic around them. She can feel it faintly, like it's just on the edge of her fingertips, not as strongly as she normally feels it in the faerie realm. So, either her magic is weaker here or they're very close to an entrance. "You can feel it," Alura observes. "The magic."

"Yes," Kara says, looking around. She can only see trees.

"You've found her, then. Lena."

Kara's eyes snap back to Alura. She's wary of answering that, but what can Alura do about it? She's dead. "Yes," she says. 

Alura smiles at that, first in her eyes, then the corners of her mouth. "You've bonded, then," she says, a statement not a question. "That's great, amazing news. And you're safe, the both of you?"

"If you call being hunted by Lillian safe, then sure," Kara frowns. "Perfectly safe."

Alura frowns, too. "But she hasn't gotten to you yet?"

"She did today," Kara tells her. "Not physically, but in a dream. I think she used my bond rune. She said Lena bonded to me with her family rune, but I can't understand why. She told me she was using her birth mom's rune when she seared it on."

Alura nods, closing her eyes for a brief second, then opening them again. "That's smart of her."

"Why?" Kara asks, curious but not skeptical. Lena's always trying to protect her, whether or not she's being honest about it.

"Naturally, your magic will caution you from hurting someone who shares a family rune with you," Alura explains. "Lillian can always override it, take control of her magic, but you having her rune will make her think twice."

Kara thinks about that for a moment. "So, she'll hesitate."

"And that may be all you need," Alura says.

That was smart of Lena. It was also smart of her to not tell Kara. She's not sure she would have agreed to it, probably would have talked Lena into giving her the other rune, convinced her they could defeat Lillian without the added hesitation. 

She would have been wrong.

"Okay, then," Kara says. "You said we're short on time, so tell me how it started."

Alura nods again. "Vampires. It all started with vampires, camping on the outskirts of the faerie realm."

"Your clan?"

"No, I was fae back then," Alura says, and Kara skips a breath. "Sorry, if I rush through this, but you'll need to process later. No time."

Kara nods. "Were they hurting you? Because you were fae?"

"Yes," Alura says. "We were a small village on the outskirts of the faerie realm. Two of us disappeared before we figured it out, and then we lost another before we could decide what to do about it."

"They were turning you?" Kara asks.

"No, just killing. We called for help from the light fae elders, but they told us no. They said just come deeper into the realm, to hide."

"This was after the war?"

Alura nods. "Still too fresh for most fae. They felt it wasn't worth the trouble, that we'd lead them to another war."

"It wasn't," Kara thinks out loud. "Why not just hide?"

"I had a sister," Alura says. "She was the last one taken. We thought - I thought I could find her. And if I couldn't find her," she trails off for a second, then, "the last thing I wanted to do was hide. My choices were to find her or to kill them all."

Kara wants to disapprove, but she thinks about Lena being taken and she understands. She would have felt the same. "You didn't find her, I'm guessing?" she asks. "How did you become a vampire?"

"In short?" Alura asks, but it's not a question, really. They don't have the time for long. "Dark magic. I wanted to be something that was terrifying to both fae and vampires. I didn't want to feel weak anymore. I gave up my wings for it, my connection to the source. I was still fae, but I was something more, dangerous and bloodthirsty. I had magic, dark magic, that took me hundreds of years to master."

Kara wants to slow down, to process now, but she can't. They don't have time and she has a lot of questions. "And the Daughters?"

"They were all from the village," Alura says. "We were so close, I - they joined me. After we lost my sister and I gave up my wings, they did the same. A village 'til the end, they said, no matter what form we were in."

Kara sees a light in her periphery, so she turns to look and suddenly she's standing in a cabin, watching as Alura—still fae then, with charcoal gray wings—touches the Book she gave Kara. For a few seconds, there's nothing, just her with her hand on the glowing book and her eyes closed, but then her wings start to disappear, slowly disintegrating into nothing. Once they're gone, she opens her eyes. They're golden.

Kara stumbles backward. "Did you kill them? The vampires."

"Yes," Alura says. "We didn't stop with them, either. We hunted them for ages, until our hearts weren't fueled by anger anymore and we could stop long enough to realize what losing my sister had done to us. That's when we started Krypton, built it from the ground up. A safe haven for vampires, shielded by magic, a place with a guaranteed supply of blood. It was our way of rectifying our wrongs."

"Until it burned," Kara comments.

"That's correct," Alura says. The crack in her voice is subtle, but Kara still notices it. "Which brings us to you."

Hardly, Kara thinks. There's so much in between she wants to understand. Still, she respects Alura's urgency. She wants to make the most of what time they do have. She doesn't want to test the limits of 'you're strong enough to withstand it'. "You tried to kill me?"

"It's what we told Lillian, yes," Alura confirms. "That was never the actual goal. You were supposed to be reborn. A hybrid, like us." She flicks her hand again and they're in a different forest, this time watching J'onn and Alura talk. Kara feels cold, lightheaded. She falters a little but steadies herself. She can tell Alura sees it. "We're pushing you too hard. Krypton is the most—"

"I want to see it," Kara says. "I want to understand. I can hold out, it's okay."

Alura nods, takes a breath. "You've spoken with J'onn, did he tell you what Lillian asked of him?"

"To find me," Kara says. "Lena's magic was seeking me out."

"Yes," Alura says. "He sought me after he found you, before he reported back to Lillian. He was afraid she'd kill you herself and risk catalyzing a fae war. J'onn only looked out for himself then, but even he didn't want that. He knew we were hybrids, figured that was a better solution."

"You'd cut me off from my magic and Lillian would assume I was dead without you having to kill me."

"It was a good plan," Alura whispers.

Kara thinks about the fact that she still had her wings in Krypton, and she wonders what went wrong. "Why not go through with it?"

"My sister," Alura says, and the silence after is long. Kara's chest feels tight. "Turns out she wasn't dead. Turns out she had a daughter. One who'd only just reached full age, who was predetermined, who reminded me so much of us when we were younger. I just, I couldn't."

"You mean me?" Kara asks. She can't possibly process that later; it's too much. She has to do it now. Her hands are tingling, though. She's feeling more and more faint the longer they stand around.  She takes an unsteady step, wobbling on her feet. "I don't understand."

"We don't have time," Alura says sharply, and in a flick, they're back to darkness. Then, they're in Krypton again. Kara can't keep her balance this time. She drops to her knees in the dirt, and it's a herculean effort getting back up. Her head feels like it's spinning, but she puts everything she has left into staying focused, trying to keep her eyes from glazing over or her brain from fogging out. "You'll have to find her," Alura says. "My sister. Your mother. She knows everything. She can explain it, but I can't. I need you to see this."

"Okay," says Kara. She lets Alura wrap an arm around her waist, and she leans into her heavily to conserve her energy. When she looks up to where her former self is standing, she tracks her eyes to what she's staring at: Lillian. "Did she kill me?"

"No," Alura says.

Kara watches herself take a step. She's limping, hurt badly judging from the way she winces. Still, she manages to avoid one of Lillian's attacks, swiftly moving out of the way and countering with her own. It's strong enough to startle Lillian, knock her off balance, and in the blink of an eye - Kara's behind her, hand in the center of Lillian's back, gripping her wings.

"I could have killed her," Kara whispers.

"But you didn't," Alura tells her, and Kara watches as Lillian's wings start to glow bright white. Lillian grimaces, face contorting more the longer Kara holds her, and when her wings turn black again, they both fall to the ground. "You could have killed her, but you overloaded her magic instead," Alura explains. "It incapacitated her, knocked her out cold, but it took everything you had. And you were already hurt."

It clicks for Kara, then. "I killed myself to avoid killing her."

"Yes," Alura confirms.

"Why?" Kara asks.

"Lena. She'd already lost one mother. You didn't want her to lose Lillian, too. You didn't want it to be at your hands."

"I could have ended this," Kara says, and just then something else clicks for her. When J'onn gave her the book - he said Alura told him she didn't want Kara to have to carry the burden. She must have meant this, knowing she's the reason Lillian's still alive to ruin the lives of every innocent vampire. Even so, she thinks about Lillian now and there's still a piece of her that pauses when she considers killing her. She doesn't remember her old self, but she supposes some things never change. "I was never going to kill her, was I?"

Alura actually chuckles, soft and warm. "No," she says, "none of us expected you to."

She starts to pull Kara towards the aftermath of the fight. A few dark fae fight with some of the Daughters, managing to get Lillian's body and escape, and then there's a silent, eerily still moment as Alura kneels beside Kara's body with the book. She places Kara's lifeless hand on top of it, and then she places her own, and the book begins to glow.

Kara tries not to think too hard about seeing herself dead. "Is this when you turned me? Made me a hybrid."

"It's more complicated than that," Alura says slowly. "You were already dead, so there was nothing you could give as a sacrifice. The reason fae are so terrified of dark magic is that it always requires some give and take. The source is easy; it asks for nothing, but dark magic wants you to give as much as you get. You had nothing to give, so someone had to give for you."

"What do you mean?" Kara asks.

Just then, the Alura kneeling in front of them says, 'It can be done, but the cost is high. Three lives. Two can be hybrids, but one has to be full fae. It requires the sacrifice of life with a source connection.'

Immediately, several Daughters step forward. Kara wants to say something, anything, but her throat feels blocked off. If she sacrificed herself to save Lillian, she can't imagine her old self—or herself right now—being okay with others doing the same for her. "I wouldn't want this," she whispers. "I wouldn't want to come back this way, not like this."

"We know," Alura whispers, hefting Kara up as Kara's legs threaten to give out. "Just a little more, keep holding on."

"Why then?"

"You're more important than all of us. We recognized that."

A male fae with dark blue wings and red lines of magic steps forward, closing his eyes but otherwise steady in his resolve.

Kara doesn't even recognize who he is, and it feels awful, fucking terrible, knowing someone gave their life and she can't even remember their name or who they are to her. "How could that be true?" Kara thinks of how useless she is now and looks away, closes her eyes as everyone begins to kneel to touch the book. She never would have wanted this. "I don't even have magic to defeat Lillian. This was all for nothing."

"This was all for your magic, so you'd come back with a source connection and not be stuck with dark magic. So you'd come back with your connection to Lena still intact," Alura says. When Kara opens her eyes, they're alone in the forest again, just her and Alura and the trees. Alura gently sets her on the ground and Kara has to blink several times to stop her vision from blurring. "We're almost done."

"Did you block my connection? To keep Lillian from locating me?"

"Yes," Alura nods, kneeling in front of Kara. "She used J'onn to find Krypton, and he's since paid his debt for that, but we had to block your magic so he couldn't do it again. You were torn apart, though. Once you came back. The sacrifice gutted you, and you couldn't handle the aftermath, seeing all the vampires suffering. You felt like it was your fault."

"I still do," Kara says.

"Very strong feelings are harder to erase than memories," Alura tells her. "We had a light fae elder help us with that, had to make sure you wouldn't seek revenge or out yourself or do something that got you caught before meeting Lena. We also just, wanted you to have a shot at a life that was something close to happy. After your death, you just - you shut down in a way we were afraid you wouldn't come back from."

"So, you erased it all? Everything."

"We wanted to leave some things," Alura says. "We left as much as we could to make you feel like you were piecing together a past. But even small things would have created too many questions, just enough information to lead you to the truth. We left it for you if you wanted it, left you the book, clues with Alex and Eliza, and we told J'onn to help you out but only if you sought after him. But honestly, we really just wanted to give you a chance to get away from it, to live happily with Lena. We knew Lillian was still a force, but we figured if you could stay under the radar long enough to get bonded, then it'd shut her down. We just hoped Lena would be stronger than her. Eventually."

"Lena doesn't think she will be," Kara mumbles. "She said it feels like she won't."

Alura smiles, circles her wrist, and then her hand starts to glow. "Contingencies," she says. "I figured if it came to that, you'd search for any way to win. It was inevitable you'd find the book and make it back to me. Can you lift your shirt?"

"I almost didn't," Kara admits, using what strength she has left to raise her shirt over her bra. Just lifting her arm feels like curling a six-ton boulder. She's definitely pushing her limit here. "I was nearly convinced I didn't need the book, told myself I wouldn't use it."

"You were always going to use it," Alura says, and then she touches her hand to the star on Kara's ribs. It starts to glow, branching out a few inches to the area around it. Heat settles over Kara's body like a warm blanket, and when she blinks, she nearly fails to open her eyes again. She doesn't have much time left here. She doesn't think she could even make it to her feet again. She feels like she's underwater when Alura finally pulls her hand away. "If you're concerned about your memories, or want them back, find Catherine Grant. She's light fae." 

"Okay," Kara says. She wants to ask more questions, but she's drifting off.

"It's okay, come back to me," a voice says. It's not Alura's, Kara registers, but it's familiar, saturated with care and urgency. "You can do it, Kara. Come back. It's okay, I'm here."

"Alura," Kara says out loud. She hears Alura say 'hm?'.

"Kara." She feels soft lips against her cheek. "You're almost here. I can feel you."

Lena.

Kara comes to with a gasp. Her eyes immediately snap to Lena, who looks as warm and concerned as her voice just was. Then she looks around the room and sees Alex and James, along with two people she's never seen before.

She's afraid she was just dreaming again, so she quickly tries to solidify everything she just learned, securing it in her memory. She opens her mouth once she's satisfied, but then she hesitates, looking at the people she doesn't know, then to James and finally Alex.

"Sorry," Lena says, "I panicked and called Alex and James."

"This is my sister, Kelly," James says.

"And this is Nia," Alex says. Kara squints at her. She didn't notice at first, but that is definitely the baby vampire that gave her a run for her money at trivia night. "She's part of my coalition. I trust her with my life."

"Okay," Kara says. Her voice sounds small and weak.

Lena's quick to snuggle against her side. She's still sitting on the sofa. The book is still on the table. "Do you need to feed?" Lena asks. "Tell me how I can help. What just happened? Are you okay?"

"Yes," Kara rasps. Vaguely, she recognizes light is coming through the window. "How long have I been out?"

"Five hours since I first felt your magic reach out to me," Lena says. "I don't know if you were out for long before then."

"Seriously?" Kara asks. "It barely felt like twenty minutes."

"What did?" Alex asks.

"I saw Alura," she says. "I touched the book, and suddenly I was in Krypton. Alura was there with me."

"Oh," Alex says, eyes wide. She quickly moves forward and kneels in front of Kara. "What did she say? Did she know how to take on Lillian?"

"I think she did," Lena comments, and everyone turns to look at her. She takes a moment, like she's concentrating hard before she says, "It's just that, I can feel Kara, sense her. In a way I couldn't before. There's something more now. There's more magic. A lot of it."

"Yeah, she gave it back, my magic. She touched the rune, and it was warm, and then a minute later I was back here."

"You're really strong," Lena gushes, and Kara sees a blush flood across her cheeks.

Kelly, the one James introduced as his sister, moves forward and sits on the edge of the coffee table. "This is good, then?" she asks. "James filled me in on you bonding, and Lena filled us in on the fae theory. If you have magic now, you can complete the bond."

There's a long silence as everyone processes that. Then finally, it's Lena who says, "Not to kill the mood, but it took me two years to learn how to give family and bond runes, so just wondering - do you ever remember giving like, a regular one?"

"You mean it's not just a 'lead with your heart' type of thing?" Nia asks. "Isn't that how magic works?"

Lena frowns and looks at Nia. "It's not Disney. She can't just wing transferring half her magic to me. She also has to give me a meaningful rune, and unless she's hiding something, or the star rune is what she'd bond with, then I've never seen a family mark or anything else on her." She looks back at Kara. "Do you know what your family rune would look like? Or have like, an image that jumps to your mind as important? Do you know if the star rune is for your family or just a Daughters thing?"

Kara shakes her head. Alex sighs, loud enough to draw everyone's attention. "This seriously cannot be what's stopping us."

"Well, it is," Lena snaps, rolling her eyes. "Do you think I'm just being dramatic?"

Alex squints at her. "No, probably not. But I am a little fed up with fucking magic and all of this fae shit."

"This is why we keep our existence a secret," Lena says. "Your brains are too small to even comprehend magic, let alone understand—"

"Okay, okay, okay," James says quick, holding up a hand. "Let's keep it together."

"I have a mom," Kara says, and everyone falls silent again, looking back to her. "That's what Alura said. She told me to find her."

"Oh, that's even easier," Lena chirps, perking up next to Kara. "It only took me two years to learn it because Lillian refused to practice with me, and all Lex ever did was sabotage everything I tried to do. Your actual mom could teach you in no time, like three months, maybe."

"Oh, good," Alex says excitedly, nodding along. She looks at Lena and tilts her head in approval. "Magic is okay again. I take what I said back."

"Whatever," Lena mumbles, scratching her nails against Kara's shirt sleeve.

Kara doesn't know if they have three months with Lillian already escalating, getting in Kara's head. She thinks about her old self, how powerful she looked, and she bets that Kara knew how to give a bond rune. She even knew how to defeat Lillian. If Kara found Catherine Grant, she'd be bonded by the end of the week. But that would mean she gets the bad memories, too. Alura said she'd reached a place they were afraid she couldn't come back from. Would it be worth it in the end? What kind of mate would she be for Lena?

"What are you thinking?" Lena asks, pressing her forehead to Kara's temple.

"Lillian visited last night," she tells the group. "She showed up in my dream. I think she was able to through my bond rune using magic, so I'm scared she's escalating. I'm not sure we have three months."

"Fuck," Lena huffs. Kara squeezes her thigh, comforting. "I'm sorry," she says, and Kara can sense she's apologizing for giving Kara Lillian's family rune. She makes a note to tell Lena that was okay when they're alone later. "I can't think of a better way, though. Bond runes are intricate magic, you really can't just do it or feel your way through it. You need to have the skill for it to actually work."

Kara can't keep what she knows to herself.

"I think there's a faster way," she admits, because they deserve to know. Their lives are at risk, too. "I think I already know how to give a rune. I just don't remember my life from when I was fae. But Alura said there was a way to get those memories back."

 

Chapter 14

Notes:

there are probably only a few people still reading this, which is good, because it gets worse as it goes along.

i think a few unanswered questions are cleared up in this chapter. there's still a bit to go to resolve the story in the final chapter, but at least if i disappear for two years again after this update you'll be left on less of a cliffhanger. hopefully. maybe. i don't know. as always, inconsistencies are completely mine, shitty plot ideas are completely mine, and whatever whatever, no one reads this before i post it, so there's just me and my disorganized brain convincing myself it's decent. i've written this over the course of four years now so it probably needs crazy edits lmao, but its at least free.

thank you to the handful of people still here, appreciate you (8

Chapter Text

Kara can feel the energy in the room shift as soon as the words leave her mouth. Nia and Alex mostly look surprised, but Kelly shoots James a look that makes him nod his head, and Lena stops breathing for a good ten seconds before she finally says, "I think we should get some rest and regroup tomorrow." It's not the response Kara was expecting, but she can't say she's upset about it. She could rest for the next ten years if she actually had the luxury to. "We can catalog everything you learned from Alura tomorrow, and then we can go from there."

"If that's okay?" Kara asks, scanning the room as she sinks lower against the sofa. Between starving and Lillian and whatever just happened in the book, she barely has enough energy to keep her head lifted. "I'm still piecing it all together myself, so sorry if I'm giving everyone whiplash. I also just - it feels - I'm just trying to get my head on straight, I think."

"You survived psychological warfare from Lillian Luthor. I think it's okay if you need a nap," Alex says, placing a hand on her knee. She looks back at Nia and tilts her head. "We can put together the books we found and bring them over tomorrow."

"You found more?" Kara asks.

"Yeah, we visited this really dodgy magic shop," Nia explains. "The owner was a wackadoodle, but she bought this storage unit at auction a while back and it had a ton of ancient books in it. We think it might have belonged to a vampire or something. Had to be someone old."

"That's lucky, then," Kara says.

Nia smiles at her, shaking her head. "No, it was more like deep commitment and perseverance and dark rabbit holes on Reddit. I can tell you all about it tomorrow if you're interested," she says, and in the same breath: "I also have this theory about Alura that I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I bet you'll think it—"

"Nia," Alex sighs, fixing Nia with a look that instantly makes Nia frown.

"It's actually a good one," she huffs, then she throws her head back in frustration and says, "Ugh, fine," before she barrels on about a different topic. "Anyway, I also wanted to say how cool it would be to have you as part of the coalition - and I know, before you say anything, that Alex said you wouldn't be interested, but I think - no I know there are so many vampires that would immediately look up to you."

"I don't see how that's an argument in support of the idea," Kara says. "I'm not much to look up to."

"But you are?" Nia says it like a question, as if she's actually nervous to disagree with Kara. "I don't even qualify for the casual side of being a Daughters fanatic, but even I think you'd at the very least be a good face to—"

"Okay, Nia, we get it," Alex cuts her off, this time giving Nia a look that completely shuts her down. It's amusing watching Alex try to wrangle a baby vamp, reminds Kara of when she first went to live with Eliza. "If you can't tell," Alex says, turning back to Kara with a smile that only highlights that she's fond of Nia. "Nia here is pretty much your biggest fan. I've had to hear about it every second since she found out Alura was your Maker."

"Alex," Nia groans, eyes flicking to Kara like she's checking for a reaction.

Kara tries to give her best smile despite the effort it takes. "No, it's sweet," she says. "I've never had a fan before."

"It's not weird or anything," Nia clarifies, chewing her lip like she's nervous again for no good reason. "You may not recognize it since you were so close to her, but a lot of vamps view Alura as this like, legendary creature from a fairy tale or something. I never thought I'd be in the same room as her progeny, or even get close to someone who's met her, so it's like - I don't know. It's sort of humbling."

Alex lets her head drop in defeat, Lena snorts and buries her laugh against Kara's shoulder, and James covers his laugh with his hand. Kelly mostly keeps her composure, but it's obvious she's amused. Kara can admit she's a little smitten. "Well, it's good to have you on the dream team," she says, letting her head fall against Lena's hair. "And don't let Alex discourage you, I'm totally down to hear your theory tomorrow."

"Wait, really?" Nia lights up.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Alex shrugs, exhaling a long sigh as she stands up. "I'll call tonight to ask Lena if you're still breathing."

"I'm pretty sure she'd summon you if I wasn't," Kara smiles.

"Well, I suppose that's good, then," Alex says, smiling back at her. "But I'm still going to call."

She ruffles Kara's hair on the way out, and Nia gives her an awkward, little wave as she stumbles over her feet. Kelly sympathetically pats Kara's shoulder while James reminds her she can call us anytime and we'll be here, seriously, it doesn't matter what it's about, I'll shift and run through the streets if I have to, and he doesn't leave until Kara agrees at least six times she'll call. Then, once they've finally gotten the apartment to themselves, the first thing Lena does is push Kara down on the sofa.

Kara doesn't have the energy to fight it, so she ends up on her back with Lena frowning at her. Even with the frown, though, Lena still somehow looks like she's simultaneously glad that Kara's there and skeptical that she's actually alive.

"Do I even need to say it?" Lena asks.

"No, I think my internal monologue has it covered. I'm dumb. I know."

"I was so worried about you," Lena says quietly. "What if you'd died or gotten hurt?"

Kara tries to shrug, but her shoulders don't actually move. "It would have been a bit redundant; don't you think?"

The glare Lena gives her pierces right through her. "No, I don't think that."

Kara tries to scoot closer, but the best she can do is nudge Lena with her foot. "I'm sorry," she says more quietly. "I'm sorry, I messed up. I know you said don't use the book, but I thought I could fix things if I could just—" She stops because she isn't quite sure; she doesn't know what she was thinking. She just knew it was something she had to do, regardless of the consequences. "In my defense, I've been wrong about everything else in my life so far, so I thought - you know - maybe we were wrong about the book, too."

The air seems to go out of Lena. "That's a hell of a way to test the theory."

Kara tries to move again, but even with all of her effort, she can barely shift her knee. It's frustrating. If she could just get her body to move—if she could just hug Lena—then she could...

Well. She can't really fix the situation, she supposes, and there's nothing she could say that actually makes it any better. But maybe the whole point is that she doesn't need to fix the situation. Maybe it's not on her shoulders to come up with some brilliant plan. Lena certainly isn't asking her for it. In fact, she hasn't asked Kara for anything in the past few days.

She's mostly given her space ever since Kara started to shut down again.

"Hey." Kara nudges Lena with her foot again. "I panicked."

"I know," Lena says right away. "I wish you just - I wish when you panicked, your first thought was to come to me."

"It was," says Kara. "When I first saw Lillian in the dream, I reached for you with my magic, and when it didn't work, I just - it was a lot to take in at once. I can't remember ever feeling so completely defenseless. I thought I needed to act, and I knew you might stop me."

"I would have," Lena says. She chews her lip for a second. "But I think you were right. The book was a good idea. You got your magic."

"The rune was also a good idea," Kara tells her, because she needs Lena to know.

Lena sighs and looks down at her hands. "It takes a lot of magic to do what she did, so I never even considered it as a possibility. It was also incredibly risky for her to do it, so - I don't know. I should have had more foresight."

"What do you mean?" Kara asks.

"I figured she might ambush us," Lena admits. She looks up at Kara like she's apologizing, and Kara shakes her head to tell her it's not necessary. She can trust Lena's intentions and her judgments at this point. "I thought it would be in person, though. The door she opened to your dream is a two-way street. You could have gotten in her head too if you knew how. I don't see why she'd risk that and use so much magic to visit your dream when it would have been easier, safer, and a lot less complicated to just physically show up at the apartment."

"It's because I used to be strong enough to kill her," says Kara. She knows if she hesitated to say it, she might have talked herself out of it. "I could sense something was off about her in my dream, but I couldn't figure out why until Alura showed me what happened back in Krypton."

"Before they cut you off from your magic?"

"Before I was turned," Kara corrects her. "I had it all wrong. J'onn said that Lillian tried to kill me twice, and I thought it was once when I was fae, and then again when she found out I didn't actually die, that I was a vampire. But I was still fae until the night Krypton burned."

Lena chews her lip again like she's trying to piece it all together. "Was Alura protecting you?"

Kara tries to nod, then gives up and says, "Yeah, she was trying to, but. It's complicated." Lena lifts an eyebrow after that, and then Kara spends the next twenty minutes recalling everything she learned from Alura. She doesn't bother leaving anything out, both because she's too tired to figure out if there is anything she should keep to herself, and because she's fairly certain if she does hold anything back, it'll only come around again to bite her on the ass. "I could sense there was a lot Alura wasn't telling me, but I don't see why she'd lie about any of the things she did."

"God, this isn't good," Lena assesses after a few seconds of silence. There could be any number of reasons she decided that, so instead of guessing, Kara decides to wait for her to go on. "Lillian must have trusted Alura."

"To kill me? Yeah, but everything got—" Kara stops mid-sentence because it hits her what Lena's trying to say. Lillian doesn't strike her as someone who would easily consider outsourcing a job that important to her. Kara's existence directly threatened her ability to stay in power. It was important she knew for sure that Kara would die. "You're saying she knew Alura well enough to trust she would kill me."

"She had to," says Lena. "I know Lillian, and she wouldn't trust her future to someone she didn't know, especially not with this. She wouldn't even trust any of the Dark Fae mercenaries, or anyone outside of her inner circle. She didn't just know Alura - they had to be close."

"So, this is personal," Kara whispers. "I was convinced she wanted to force an alliance with vampires, but she looked shocked that I even brought it up. I don't know if it was just her poker face, or maybe this really isn't about that. Maybe this is all about revenge."

"Probably," Lena agrees. "I don't think we're going to talk her out of what she's doing."

"Right," says Kara. She can't help if it comes out more defeated than she wants it to. This has simultaneously been one of the longest and scariest days of her life. She might need therapy just to process the moment she walked out of the room and saw Lillian. "Would you like to take a break?" she asks. "From thinking about it. I'm not sure if you've noticed yet, but I think I've lost functioning in pretty much every part of my body. I'm surprised I can still get words out."

"I've noticed," Lena says. She reaches down and slips her hand underneath Kara's shirt and trails it along her skin until it's resting over Kara's star rune. Kara braces herself for the usual jolt she gets whenever Lena touches her there, but there's nothing this time. She thought Alura was supposed to be giving her magic back, not taking what little she had left. "I'm pretty sure you somehow managed to overload your magic. That's most likely what Alura kept warning you about. If you were anywhere other than surrounded by friends today..."

She trails off, but Kara gets the gist of it. She could have died. "This is what I did to Lillian?"

"Yeah," Lena sighs, scratching her nails along Kara's skin. "There's only so much your magic can take before it burns out. It's mostly harmless, but it's a pain in the ass to get your energy up again."

"I'm guessing I need to feed, or maybe I need to find a way to heal... with magic?"

"Not exactly. It's different with this. You mostly just need to wait it out," Lena explains. "I'd be pretty much useless with healing magic, anyway. The Luthors weren't really big on teaching it to me when I was growing up since being a healer wouldn't have been very royal. Never mind the fact that some of the most powerful fae in existence almost exclusively use healing magic."

"I'm surprised you didn't learn it out of spite," says Kara.

"It's not like I can manifest tutors," Lena shrugs. "Besides, I always thought I had the rest of my life to pick it up."

"You still do," Kara comforts. "I even have this list I've been making."

"Of what?" Lena asks.

"All the ways I plan to spoil you once this is over."

Lena actually smiles at that, and it makes Kara feel like she's won the ring toss at the carnival. The feeling only grows when Lena crawls forward to settle down on top of her, tucking her nose against Kara's hair and relaxing enough to feel heavy. It's nice to feel the warmth of Lena. In total, she might have spent less than an hour actually enduring the events this morning, but even a minute of thinking she might never see Lena again feels too long. "What color were your wings?" Lena asks, a little while after they've settled into a comfortable silence.

It feels unexpected, but Kara likes this conversation better than anything else they've talked about in the last hour. "They were dark gray," she says. "They were big, too. Maybe even bigger than yours, I think."

"That makes sense," Lena whispers. "The color. You seem like the type."

"The type?"

"The color of your wings says a lot about your personality."

Kara snorts. "Are you telling me that faeries have wing astrology?"

"It's not astrology," says Lena. "I used to be best friends with this faerie who swore she'd never date someone with dark gray wings."

Kara almost feels offended. "And why is that?"

"You're too noble. Almost to the exclusion of everything else."

Kara scoffs at that. "There's nothing wrong with having good morals and strong conviction."

"Do you really think so?" Lena asks. "Even after Krypton?" 

Kara freezes. She expected they'd have to talk about it, but she never thought Lena would outright ask if Kara regrets not killing her mother when she had the chance. "Yeah, I still think so," Kara answers honestly. "If I had to do it over, I'd probably do the same thing."

Lena hesitates, then says, almost too quiet for Kara to hear, "I don't think sacrificing yourself will ever be the solution that you think it is."

Oh. Maybe she wasn't talking about Lillian. Even so, Kara would like to think her death was more than just a bad decision. "Maybe," she says slowly. "But I felt like that was the right thing to do. Better me than everyone else."

"But that's the issue, isn't it?" Lena asks, and Kara can feel herself tensing underneath Lena. "You assume sacrificing parts or all of yourself is the solution others are looking for, and you never take the time to really consider any of the alternatives."

Maybe that's true, but Kara still feels her stomach knotting up at Lena implying her death was all for nothing. "I don't know," she says. "I still think it was better than joining in. Being a part of all the pain - all the dying."

Lena doesn't answer right away. "I don't think you understand what I'm saying."

"I do. I do understand," Kara says. "I was useless then and I'm more useless now and you've never felt as helpless as you did today and it's my fault. And I'm sorry, obviously, but I understand sorry isn't good enough to fix any of that, and neither am I. I can't fix anything."

"No," Lena says softly, then she lifts up so she's looking Kara in the eyes when she says, "You've never been useless, and it doesn't matter if you can or can't fix anything. When it comes down to it, I'd rather have you alive than dead. That's what I need you to understand."

Kara starts to say that wasn't an option back in Krypton, because she doubts there was a viable scenario where both she and Lillian walked away from that alive, but then it dawns on her that Lena probably understands that, too. "Oh," is all she manages as a response.

"Yeah, well," Lena shrugs, and then she settles back on top of Kara and nuzzles against her hair again.

-

Kara doesn't remember falling asleep, but it's still light outside when she wakes up. She's surprised when Lena tells her she's been out for the last eighteen hours. "The amount of magic you have is working against you," Lena says. She helped prop Kara up against the headboard of their bed before she sat down with her, since Kara still can't get her body to cooperate. "It's likely that it's been a while, even sometime before Krypton, since your body has had to fully replenish itself. You'll probably feel like shit the next few days."

Kara can already feel it coming on. She can't remember the last time she had a migraine or felt flu-like aches in her body, and she's not so sure she missed those parts of being alive. "Have you talked to Alex yet?"

"She's holding off on coming over. For now, at least."

"Does it help if I feed?"

Lena shakes her head. "Not really. Eating might even make you nauseous. You'll be really hungry on the other side of this, though," she adds, but she holds off on saying the silent part aloud - the offer that Kara can still feed from her if she wants to.

Maybe it's up to Kara to extend a peace offering. "Try not to laugh at me, then," she says. "I already felt like I was starving even before this whole thing with my magic, so I'm pretty sure I'll cry the first time I taste your blood after this."

Lena looks shocked for half a second, but then she smiles it away. "So, we're back to being a cannibal?"

Kara returns her smile. "There's a reason they don't want my kind in the faerie realm."

For a second, Lena's smile falters, then she tilts her head curiously. "Is that why you haven't asked to go back since we met J'onn?"

"It's not worth getting you in trouble." Kara lets out a long breath. "I wouldn't want to get you banned or something."

"That wouldn't happen," says Lena. She chews her lip and Kara looks away to avoid the concern in her eyes. The faerie realm was always too good to be true, anyway. "You're homesick, aren't you?" she asks. "This whole time I've been - I couldn't figure out - you miss it."

The last part wasn't a question, so Kara tries to get away with not answering it. She does miss it, though. She'd never been happier than when she was frequenting the faerie realm with Lena, those few weeks where time and worries, and all of the shit bubbling up in the human realm didn't matter. She'd go back to it if she could, but she remembers what Lena said, that she'd been masking Kara with her magic. She hadn't even clued Kara in that she was being vigilant, that maybe there was something to worry about.

"We could go right now," Lena offers.

"And what if something attacks us? I'd be defenseless."

She looks up in time to catch Lena quirking her eyebrow. "I'd hardly call having me with you defenseless."

Kara bites her lip. "I'd distract you."

"There isn't a faerie dumb enough to take the fight," says Lena. There's a pause after she says it, too tense for Kara not to catch it, but then she goes on and it's obvious why she hesitated. "If I were ever hurt, Lillian would retaliate."

"How do you know?" Kara asks.

"Because I can still feel her magic protecting me."

Lillian did tell Kara that Lena was the only thing keeping Kara alive. She also knows Lena wouldn't do anything to get her hurt. Even if the list of things she wouldn't do to make Kara happy is very short - risking Kara's safety is definitely on there. "It wouldn't be a bother, then?"

Lena's response is to clamp her hand over Kara's, then everything goes black, the air gets punched from Kara's lungs, and a second later when she finally manages to open her eyes, she realizes she's lying on the ground in the forest. In the faerie realm. So, Lena can teleport on a whim, not just as a reflex to bad situations. "You'll teach me how to do that sometime?" Her voice is scratchy, and her throat feels dry, but she can already feel herself relaxing in the familiar, welcoming environment of the faerie realm.

"I don't think so," Lena says. She stretches out on the ground next to Kara and turns to cuddle her side. Kara forgot how nice the air feels in the faerie realm, crisp and fresh, cool in a way that never feels cold. Even her migraine seems to be subsiding. "You know how J'onn has his tracking thing? Well, I have this thing where I can teleport. I didn't have to learn it, it was just - it's just something I can do."

"Oh," says Kara. "Do you think there was anything special about me?"

"Other than the fact that you're strong enough to kill Lillian and also the niece of a literal vampire legend?"

"So, you're saying don't be greedy?"

Lena laughs, and for the first time since Kara came out of the book, she leans over and kisses Kara. It's just on the cheek, but it's still enough to make Kara long for the weeks they spent doing nothing but lounging and kissing, and... other things. It doesn't help that it's been a few days since they last made out. Lena must be thinking the same thing because she asks, "Would it be weird to kiss you when you can't move?"

Kara pretends to think about that. "I need a frame of reference for weird. My worldview has changed recently."

Lena starts laughing again and then she shifts so she's lying on top of Kara, her breath ghosting against Kara's lips. "I should have realized you're happier when we're in the faerie realm. I forgot how relaxed you get when we're here."

"Yeah, well. There must be something in the air here, like the mist they spray at Disneyland."

"Or it just feels like home," Lena says, reaching up to brush Kara's hair behind her ear.

"Or that," Kara agrees, smiling against Lena's mouth when she tips down and kisses her. Her breath catches with how soft it is, and she wishes more than anything she could reach up and wrap her arms around Lena. "That was only like a three on the weird scale."

"We can definitely crank it up a notch."

"You can," Kara corrects her. "I think I'll just lie here and enjoy the ride."

"Just like old times, then," Lena smiles, ducking to kiss Kara again before she gets the chance to scoff at that. The mix of being in the faerie realm and kissing Lena is familiar in the best way, a forgotten, easy way from another life. Kara can still feel the anxiety underneath it, but there's love there, too, like there always is, and it just feels so nice to have simple.

"Missed this," Lena breathes, so quiet Kara almost doesn't hear it. Her arms are trembling with exertion where they're braced on either side of Kara's head, fingers gripping the soft grass underneath them. She presses in to catch Kara's mouth again, and Kara gets her tongue in alongside Lena's and doesn't dare give herself time to chase the thought that maybe this is fleeting. She loves being here with Lena, surrounded by the trees and the magic, and the flowers, and the feeling that she's connected to something - to everything - like she's a piece of this world, living and breathing in sync with it, and she matters to everything around her. The forest would feel it if she left.

She feels the opposite in the human realm, like her existence is a dark spot on every life she touches, so maybe Lena is right. Maybe she's been spiraling ever since she realized that maybe she isn't wanted here, either. And if she isn't wanted here, then—

"What is it?" Lena asks. Her voice is soft, her mouth kissed red. "You're drifting."

"I was thinking," says Kara, and she suddenly remembers Alura saying very strong feelings are harder to erase than memories. "I think you were right before when you said that I've been homesick. I missed being here without even knowing it existed. I think I have all of these feelings about things, but without the memories to connect them to anything, I'm just driving myself crazy."

"Your memories," Lena starts, and then stops, and then she pulls up so she's sitting on Kara, straddling her waist with her knees pressed into the grass. "I know you think getting them back might help with things, but I'm not so sure it's the best idea."

"Because of the trauma?" Kara asks.

"Mostly," Lena says.

"But that's not all of it," Kara ventures. "I felt the way the room shifted when I said it. You and James and Kelly. What is it?"

Lena shifts back and slips her hand underneath Kara's shirt. She loves toying with their bond rune whenever she's nervous or saying something difficult, and Kara usually enjoys the comfort she gets from it, the calming reassurance from Lena's magic. But right now, she's barely getting a buzz, like her body is somehow a black hole for magical energy, sucking it in until it's nonexistent. Thinking about her lack of magic is enough to make her even more antsy with Lena's hesitation.

"Just say what you're concerned about," Kara encourages her. "It doesn't matter if the words aren't right."

"I'm pretty sure you've met the Raven," Lena says outright. Her words are still careful, calm, like she's still picking them cautiously despite Kara's encouragement. "She's the only creature with magic that can store and retrieve memories, but she's a Guardian. And Guardians usually only intervene when they feel there's a direct threat to the safety and integrity of the faerie realm."

"Why would I fall in that category?" Kara asks.

Lena shrugs. "I know she used to store the memories of Warrior Fae post-wartime so they wouldn't bring violence to the realm from their PTSD. And I think that makes the most sense," she says. "With how strong you are, and your trauma - it could be a deadly combination."

"We should still find Cat Grant," Kara decides. "I'm guessing she might know for sure."

"Probably," Lena agrees. "But do you trust me, at least? About your memories."

Kara starts to say she's always trusted Lena, but she knows her actions haven't backed that up lately. "I do," she confirms. "And I don't really want them back if I'm being honest, but - if there's no other way - I don't know."

Lena drums her fingers on Kara's belly, then she shrugs again and says, "That's fair, but we at least won't have to worry about it right this second. The best thing we can do now is continue to let you rest."

"I feel like you're enjoying my captivity," Kara says, smiling suddenly.

"It's like a metamorphosis," Lena says, and then she's smiling, too. "You're just in your chrysalis phase, and then you get your figurative wings."

Kara considers that. "Do you think you could make me a flower cocoon?"

"Shit, yeah," Lena says, and then she spends the next hour carefully growing flowers over Kara's body in intricate patterns. Kara's half-asleep when she feels Lena parting the flowers so she can slip in next to her. She slides a hand across Kara's belly before she covers them again, rests her head on Kara's chest, and curls up like she's smaller than she actually is. "I think you might sleep an entire day again."

"Sorry," Kara says.

"It's alright," Lena tells her. "I'll be right here."

-

For the second time, Kara wakes up without remembering exactly when she fell asleep. Directly next to her, an arm still wrapped around her belly, is Lena. She wakes up as Kara does, inhaling deeply and then snapping up to look at Kara. "Hey," she says. "Hey. Don't try to sit up." Kara listens, but only because she's fairly sure she can't sit up. But then she lifts her hand and she's able to place it on top of Lena's on her stomach, and. That's new. "You started moving in your sleep a few hours ago, but if you try doing too much, you'll feel sick."

"Okay," Kara says. She's so tired the moment she's awake enough to think, her head throbbing distantly. It doesn't stop her from squeezing Lena's hand, feeling as much of her as she can now that she has the ability to do so. "This probably gets worse before it gets better," she guesses, the moment that occurs to her. "Having to adjust to all of my magic plus yours."

Lena nods, a hint of sympathy in her eyes. "I once threw a tantrum and destroyed an entire section of the forest around our manor. The recovery feels like you're being scooped out and burned alive from the inside. I guess it's a built-in warning to not do that. It mostly happens to younger fae when they're limit testing or when someone loses control. Lillian must have fucking stewed going through this, being that old and that in control, but still... Sorry," she whispers, probably because of the way Kara's looking at her. Imagining Lillian Luthor having to go through this after something she did to her, after thinking Alura had betrayed her - it suddenly feels obvious it wasn't the way to get her to back down. "I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just thought about it as I was saying it. You did what you thought was right."

A dull pain spreads from Kara's chest through the rest of her, with every breath she takes. This isn't a surprise, she reminds herself. She knew Lena wouldn't be happy with Kara sacrificing in her name. Even still, it stings to have it pointed out just how wrong she was. "Is it better if we left the faerie realm? With the time difference. It's bad enough I'll be away for a week."

"We're close enough to the border that we're only adding a few days at most. It's torture to make you do it elsewhere."

Kara doesn't have the heart to propose another sacrifice. "What happens next in recovery?"

"You'll start to feel your magic again," Lena says. "But you feel it returning in the same way you feel a numb limb coming back to life."

"Burned alive from the inside," Kara says, repeating Lena's words from earlier.

"Yeah," Lena sighs. She flips her hand to grab Kara's, gently tugging until she has it resting at Kara's side again, and then she dips down to press a soft kiss to Kara's lips. "It'll fucking suck, but I'll be with you the entire way."

 

Kara soon learns that "fucking suck" is an understatement. She spends another day mostly feeling tired and just short of an intolerable level of achy, and then she falls asleep and wakes up in the middle of the night in pain so sharp it makes her ears ring. It's everywhere, all over her body, pulsing in waves so consistent that she doesn't get a reprieve. So, six hours into her biting chunks out of the grass and dirt with her fangs extended, Lena decides it's maybe a good idea to call in reinforcements. Kara's surprised to see she meant Sam.

"I'd say this is déjà vu, but it sounds like you don't remember it," Sam says, by way of greeting. Kara's lost the capacity for words, so the best she can do is grunt at her and try to hide the dirt lodged in her teeth. Sam plops down next to her on the grass and pulls out a jar of liquid from the bag she's carrying. Lena keeps standing, looking on like she's both hypervigilant and curious. "A little while back, Alura came to my moms asking for a spell that could put a vampire to sleep for a few decades," she tells her. "And then today, Lena asked me for the same thing. Well, I guess a few days and not a few decades, but it's still funny seeing it's the same vampire."

Kara stares at Sam and manages to grit out a very eloquent, "What?"

"Sam's the daughter of the three most powerful witches in existence," Lena explains. "She called a few days ago because she felt some weird reverberation or undercurrent when you used the book since witches are into fucked-up magic. I debated actually mentioning anything to her, but I can't seem to hold you asleep through the pain, and... she owes me a favor, so. I'll allow it today."

Kara wants to be shocked that it's been Lena making her sleep so long, that she hasn't mentioned it until now, but she's both grateful for being unconscious through most of this, and not in a position to use so many words to describe what she's thinking. So instead, she manages to look at Sam again and waits for a break in the pain long enough to, once again, very eloquently, ask, "You're a witch?"

"Next in line to be High Superior," Sam boasts. "If only witches didn't live a million years. But it is what it is. You're lucky by the way," she goes on. "There's only one faerie who could get me to come back to this shithole of a realm and elitist magic."

"If you're not directly connected to the source, can you even call what you do magic?" Lena laughs.

Sam squints at her. "Maybe I'll fumble my words and you'll be bonded to Sleeping Beauty for the next six years."

Lena folds her arms in a challenge. "Maybe my hand will slip and your coven will never grow a single herb again. No more fake magic."

Sam laughs at that, rolling her eyes as she looks back to Kara. "Imagine being so privileged that you're born with unlimited magic and you don't even bother learning to comprehend it." She shoots an annoyed look at Lena when she goes on to say, "Imagine growing the power of your own undeserved magic by creating superstitions and banning all other forms of magic you don't understand."

Kara would laugh at that if she could. She thinks about Alura saying she learned to master dark magic and realizes Lena being terrified of the book might have been more cultural than it was fact. If dark magic can be mastered, then there's probably nothing bad about it - it's just different, unfamiliar, pulling from a different source. She can tell the comment ruffled Lena's feathers by the way she frowns.

"Can you blame us?" Lena asks. "Your moms nearly destroyed the faerie realm using ancient magic."

"They're way more chill now," Sam sighs. "They even do Tarot readings for fun on Halloween to scare the humans."

Lena snorts. "Super chill, I bet. They're probably feeding off the terror."

Sam nibbles her lip over a smile. "It's rude of you to yuck our yum. We have to get our strength somehow." She looks at Kara and her smile fades as quickly as it spread. "I hear you've met the Raven," she says, and if Kara isn't mistaken, it sounds more like a warning. "I'm not sure about the ins and outs of her magic, but this spell might knock you deep into your subconscious as you sleep. Since your mind has been tampered with, I'm not sure how much you can or can't trust, but it'll be a trip, for sure. The good part is when you wake up, this will all be over."

Lena kneels down on the soft grass beside her head and strokes her fingers through Kara's hair. Her touch is worth the way it makes Kara's skin light on fire. "It'll be better than this," Lena assures her. "It doesn't matter what happens in the dream, it'll be better than this. Lillian made me go through it as punishment, and it's - I don't wish it on anyone."

Kara doesn't protest, mostly because she can't, but she also doesn't fight it when Sam tips her head back and pours the liquid down her throat, chanting words in a language that she can tell even Lena doesn't understand. It's easy to let her mind slip past the darkness, to let it burrow deeper and deeper until she falls into a void somewhere just below the realm of sleeping.

She can still hear the sound of Sam's voice like an echo circling the drain, growing closer and louder, morphing from indecipherable to vaguely familiar to abundantly clear, lilting like a bird singing right on her shoulder - you're in my realm now, it says, the sounds pressed against Kara's ear. But when she turns to meet the source of the words, she's walking.

She's walking through a part of the forest that she'd swear she's never seen before save for the fact that it feels so... familiar. She knows it the same way she knows the number of steps to take to navigate to her bathroom in the dark. She knows the flowers littering the ground and the feel of the roots underneath her feet. She knows these trees, too, the ones with the twisted-up bark that tower so high they almost disappear into the clouds. The ones with faces carved into their trunks that have sad, weepy eyes, black wood connecting up to dark, decaying branches, and bright red leaves. There's something weirdly disturbing about the trees, an inherent sense of wrongness.

"We're in the Old Witch Woods," someone says, even though Kara can see no one else around her. It doesn't feel weird, though. The voice belongs to these woods just as much as the trees do. "My moms always say that magic doesn't die a natural death. It's born from faith and dies from a lack of cultivation. It waxes and wanes, and if you don't look hard enough or forget where it's hidden, it might even seem to disappear entirely. But, as far as they can tell, it will never go gentle into that good night."

The last words are said with amusement. Kara realizes she's talking to Sam at the same time Sam's form starts to take shape in front of her. Or rather, it's some version of Sam, since the shape in front of her is no longer the sweet girl she went to trivia night with, but a shadowy figure dressed in all black, with metal bracers on her forearms and an intricately designed tattoo that covers half of her face.

"When I'm here you can call me Reign," Sam says, materializing into something more solid than shadow. It doesn't make her presence any less ominous. She smiles at Kara, digging her boot into a clump of dirt on the ground. "My moms actually raised me to be a faerie killer, believe it or not, but I decided I had better things to do with my life than hold a grudge I don't give a shit about."

"Lucky for me," Kara mumbles.

"Have you ever been to hell?" Sam asks suddenly.

Her eyes go black as the words leave her mouth and it makes Kara's hair stand on end. Kara doesn't know if it's a literal or philosophical question, but then again - her answer would be the same regardless. If there is a hell, she can't fathom how it'd be worse than how she's lived her life since dying in Krypton. "If you mean centuries of oppression and persecution, then I'm pretty sure I'm there now."

Sam stares at her for a second, like she's shocked by the answer, or maybe just intrigued. "You're different than most fae," she surmises. "And I'm not just saying that because you're a creepy-as-shit zombie faerie held together with witchcraft and dark magic, and... however the fuck they managed to finagle you a source connection. I don't think you understand the number of reasons you shouldn't exist."

Kara has so many questions. She starts with, "Why are you saying it, then?"

Instead of a straightforward answer, Sam asks, "Do you know where we are? I think you'd be less calm if you did."

"My dream?" Kara tries.

Sam nods. "We're inside your head," she confirms, "but it's a place more tangible than dreams. If I wanted, I could trap you in an illusion so lifelike you'd spend the rest of your existence living in a personal hell you wholeheartedly believed was actually real."

"Seriously?"

Sam smirks at her. "My moms had high hopes for me. It's rare that a witch can access this realm, let alone control it."

Kara takes a step back and lets herself feel the air on her skin, the leaves underneath her socks, the visceral... realness of the forest, and now it feels shocking that this is supposed to be an illusion. There's a part of her, somewhere far beneath the surface that sounds an alarm, a sense of panic rippling along her skin that maybe some things are actually worse than hell, but she pushes it down and swats it away. If Sam wanted to hurt her, she probably wouldn't start with this. Still, it doesn't hurt to ask. "Why'd you bring me here?"

Once again, Sam doesn't answer the question. "Would you prefer the nightmares?" Kara's not sure at this point. She shrugs. "I can tell you what you had queued up," Sam offers. "Krypton, Alura, sadness, depression, anger. This is way more fun."

"You said you felt when I activated the book's magic," Kara remembers.

"That was a lie," Sam says simply. "We placed a sigil over your star rune to alert us when you accessed your magic."

Kara starts to ask 'why' but something tells her Sam isn't allowed to - or maybe just doesn't want to - tell her why she's here. "You lied to Lena," she says instead. "You wanted her to know you put me to sleep, but not that you brought me here."

Sam tilts her head from side to side like she's weighing that. "Maybe. Or what if I told you that was all part of the illusion."

Kara pauses, unsure what she meant. She assumes the worst. "You never visited us in the forest? The whole interaction was a dream."

Sam shrugs. "Now you're catching on. Dreams and illusions are both art forms to be mastered. You ever think about your own dreams, how you go from being a soldier in a war looking down to end a man's life, and then you blink and you're stabbing the plunger into the toilet in your bathroom? You never even question it, do you? It's all a reality that makes sense until you wake up."

Something white hot lights up inside of Kara at the realization. She's so tired of everyone playing with her head. She regrets ever even thinking about her star rune, regrets bringing it up to Alex, regrets finding the book, finding out she's fae, bonding to—she cuts the thought off before it gets a chance to finish. She can feel her skin heating up at the fact that she let herself get pushed this far, let Sam make her regret the one good thing that's ever happened to her in this life. She remembers what Lena said about dreams being a two-way street and grits her teeth as she digs deep down in herself to find her magic, to push back, to maybe take a chance at getting in someone else's head for once.

Sam flashes to her the moment Kara starts to feel the magic tingle underneath her skin, close enough that Kara can feel how angry she is even before she bares her teeth. "No, no, no sweet faerie," she says, gripping her hand in Kara's shirt, lips pressed against her ear. Kara knows that Sam didn't say the words particularly loud, but they still echo around in her skull like a canon in a cavern. "This is nothing like the dream Lillian trapped you in. This is my realm. I suggest you put your magic away before I start making decisions against my better judgment."

"Sam," Kara yells, like if she says it loud enough, maybe it'll snap Sam out of whatever this is. Or maybe it's just a nightmare, maybe it's not real, maybe she just has to grit her teeth and bear it until she finds her way through.

"Reign," Sam says firmly, loosening her grip on Kara and tilting her head curiously. "You're still convinced I'm Sam?" She laughs like the assumption is the funniest thing in the world. Considering it's Sam who put Kara to sleep—or maybe didn't—and it's Sam's voice talking to her, and that's Sam's face underneath the tattoo, she doesn't think it's too far of a leap to say it's fucking Sam that's talking to her. She doesn't know why it's getting under her skin like it is, but she can tell from the way Sam quirks a brow that she notices. "I'm not Sam," she says slowly, clearly amused now, but obvious that she's still angry - maybe even more so now that Kara called her by the wrong name. "Sam is a brittle excuse of a witch. She trapped me here, you know?" Reign asks, playfully ruffling Kara's shirt. "Convinced me she'd let me be the master of my own realm, that she'd feed me faeries, let her take care of the upper realm, she says, I have all the power down here. She was just afraid of me, afraid that I was stronger, that I was taking over. You're actually the first faerie I've seen since she promised me so many more."

Kara lets that sink in. For once in her life, she really wishes she weren't actually special. "Why me, then? Why'd she send me?"

Reign looks disappointed, like Kara's stamping out her fun by simply asking questions. "Someone very powerful needed her to use her magic. What she failed to tell them is that she no longer has control of it. I do."

"Then why'd she agree?" Kara asks.

Reign takes a step back, and then another, and then another, slowly inching away from Kara but never pulling her eyes away. "She promised me a weekend of roaming free. In the upper realm. Not down here."

"And what'd you promise her?"

Reign rolls her eyes as she groans. "I promised Sam that I'd behave, obviously, but how could I know how good you'd smell." She closes her eyes for a brief moment, and Kara gets this eerie feeling that Reign has been down here alone long enough that maybe even she doesn't have a grip on the realm. If Kara lets her slip too far off the deep end, there's no telling what might happen. Kara eyes her cautiously, preparing what she might say to pull this away from Reign's need to torture faeries, but the moment she finds the words on her lips, Reign disappears, and suddenly her voice is in Kara's head when she says, "I'd almost forgotten that nothing smells better than a dead faerie."

Kara closes her eyes to try to will back some of her control, but when she opens them again, Reign is right in front of her with a stare so distant in her eyes that Kara's afraid the string holding her together might have snapped. She can't explain the dread that rushes over her body. She feels it like an extra sense, an embedded survivor's instinct to protect herself. "I'm already dead, Reign," she tries. "The fun part is already over. There's nothing left here. You'd just be dragging your nails over old wounds, and you deserve better than that, don't you?"

"I know exactly what I do and don't deserve," Reign frowns. She folds her arms across her chest. Kara can see her warring with herself, like half of her is savoring the compliment and the other half is... desperate. "Sam wanted me to ask you something," she finally huffs, eyes still flickering like she hasn't fully made up her mind that this is the course she wants to take. "She told me I'd have to wait until you first accessed your magic, said I had to wait until you activated the sigil. I sensed you not too long ago," she says, sucking in a deep breath as she lets her eyes rake over Kara. It feels predatory, like Kara's a meal she's prepping to kill. "I could feel that Sam was close to you, physically, scanning over you with her magic, making sure I felt it. She was taunting me. She's always looking for new ways to keep me in check when her control slips. But you're here now, and I'm in control no matter what she says. I know you're worth more than a weekend out. I could hold you here for so—"

"Reign," Kara snaps. In the end, she's the first to have her threads come loose. She hates it here, and she knows with every fiber of her being - can feel it in the very fabric of her skin - that if Reign loses her head, she will, too.

She might be traumatized and depressed, and she's had her head fucked with enough to think that she's immune to it, but she's not. Lillian proved that with the dream. All it took was a few minutes of invading Kara's safe space to send her over the edge enough to risk her life and Lena's magic. And the thing is, Lillian was hardly trying to spook her. She was probably just too nervous to confront Kara in a physical form, but it still took a psychological toll that sent Kara reeling.

But Reign wants to cause her pain, maybe even gets off on it if it's true the faeries really did run witches out of the faerie realm, so Kara does not want to get trapped in her illusions. She'll do whatever she can to avoid that, even something as dumb as saying, "I promise you I will literally come back and visit you willingly if you just tell me what Sam wanted you to ask."

Reign doesn't hesitate even a millisecond before she's reaching out to Kara with a darkness in her eyes so deep that Kara almost loses her mind in it. "Contract sealed," she agrees, and then she grabs Kara's hand and grips her into a handshake that stings all the way up her forearm to her elbow. "I promise I'll enjoy every single second of torturing you. I'll prove to you that just because you're dead it doesn't mean you're already broken. You don't know what broken is until you're suffocated within an inch of your life, holding on to hope that's always destined to get snatched away." Kara yanks her hand away at the same time Reign lets her go, and then she's falling. Falling. Falling. Slipping backward toward the ground, her world moving in slow motion as she watches Reign grin down at her and say, "Sam wanted you to see my soul."

The world goes black just as Kara's head is supposed to hit the ground. She can swear she hears an echo of Reign's voice asking, how does it make you feel? and then there's a whispering sound that starts to rip through the darkness, a low murmur that causes Kara to feel a terrifying and inexplicable fear. An all-consuming panic takes over her as images flash before her eyes of monuments falling, giants colliding, a rift tearing between all realms and blending them together. She can see Lena flash before her eyes, too, her smile melting down into fear before she crumbles away and disappears. She can see vampires kneeling at her feet as the world...

Kara snaps awake with her head throbbing, her skin ice cold, and her mind running a thousand miles a minute. The sunlight filtering through the trees tells her it's a different time of day than when she went to sleep. The magic on her skin tells her she's still inside the faerie realm. Or maybe it's a dream and she's still inside Reign's illusion.

Disoriented, she lifts up off the ground right as she hears Lena yell, "Wait, no," and then there's shuffling and arms wrapping around her midsection. Lena's hugging her from behind, grounding her where she is, sending heat spiraling through Kara strong enough to make her dizzy. Her head is whirring, almost painfully, as she struggles to piece together whether or not this is real. "Sorry, I didn't expect you to sit up so fast. How are you feeling? I missed you," Lena breathes out, the last words coming out softer than she said the rest of them.

"When are we?" Kara asks, her voice dry and hoarse as it scratches out of her throat. It frightens her when Lena's body goes still. It's only for a split second, though, and then Lena's crawling forward to sit next to her, tilting her head as she studies Kara's face. 

She looks mildly alarmed, but she also looks happy to be seeing Kara. She's wearing a too-large long-sleeved gray shirt that looks incredibly soft, with old, worn leggings, and she smells like the woods, like flowers and trees and rain. "You've been out six days," she says. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," Kara huffs, wincing through the headrush she gets now that she's looking at Lena. She feels energy underneath her skin, growing larger the longer she holds her stare, almost as if every cell in her body wants to reach out and touch Lena. She's always been drawn to Lena, ever since they first met, but this feels different. More urgent, more intense.

She has to grip her fingers in the grass just to stop herself from surging forward. And that's not even mentioning the gnawing she feels deep in her belly, like a pit opening up and asking to be fed. She's fucking hungry enough she won't even think about hesitating the second Lena offers an invitation. She could feed nonstop for the next few days and still not be satisfied.

"Did I fall asleep on my own?" she asks. "Was there - how did I sleep for so long?"

"Sam helped," Lena says, confusion etched on her face. "You were in and out with the pain, so you might not remember."

"The spell?" Kara asks. Lena nods. So, maybe Sam really was here. Maybe she just had a shitty dream and she's thinking too much into it. She wants to believe that, wants to believe it more than anything else, but there's a small piece of her that knows it's not true. There was something real about Reign, something awful and wrong and horrifying. "She came even though she hates the faerie realm?"

"Yeah, she - yeah. She was in and out, though. I masked her. Is something wrong?"

Kara shakes her head. "No, sorry, no. I just had a dream that really messed with my head. But, Sam said I would, right?"

Lena studies her face for a long few seconds. "Right," she says slowly. "We can talk about it. If you want."

"The faster I forget it, the better off I'll be," Kara says, a half-truth. What she doesn't tell Lena is that she has a feeling that she won't forget it. She can still vividly remember every detail, still has chills from the terror she felt at the end. If she stayed there any longer, Reign would have succeeded in making her feel broken. She didn't know fear could sink that deep beneath the surface, spread out like tendrils in her soul until it was the only thing she knew. She's never one for eradication, but maybe faeries had a point with witches.

At least Lena buys her deflection. "How are you feeling?" she asks. "Is the pain gone? Is your magic—" she cuts off and nibbles her lip, probably too anxious to ask about it since Kara's done such a shitty job of connecting to Lena's magic, but she's glad to notice she can feel Lena's heartbeat again, although she could do without the pressure on her skin, the constant hum of energy that only seems to be growing. "Do you feel any different than you did before?" she rephrases. "It's okay if you don't. You might have to come into it."

Kara isn't sure if she feels any different. Blinking through the last of her haze and disorientation, she trains her ears to the sounds of the environment. She notices right away that she can hear more of the forest than she ever did before, miles in each direction, and she can feel more of it, too. She's always felt a connection in the faerie realm, but just like her connection to Lena, it feels stronger somehow, more intense. It hits her then that this probably is her magic, already so much fuller and more present than Lena's magic has ever been. She has a dull headache resting in her temples, she's hungry as all hell, and she still feels like she wants nothing more than to bury her face against Lena's skin, wants to launch herself forward and tackle Lena into a hug in the grass, but outside of that, she feels normal. More or less.

She hopes this isn't a dream. She pulls her fingers out of the grass to reach out to Lena, cups her cheek. Lena immediately presses into it, smiling as she does. Kara can feel the same heat radiating through her palm as she did when Lena hugged her. She wants to kiss Lena, pull her in and hold her tight, swallow her whole. She gets another dizzying wave rolling through her head and has to close her eyes to brace through it.

When she blinks them back open, Lena looks concerned again. Kara hasn't answered any of her questions, but Lena still presses on asking them, like she's just ascertaining information from Kara's facial expressions. "Are you hungry?"

"Famished," Kara says instantly.

"Did you feel any pain in your sleep?"

Kara shakes her head again. "Nothing," she says. "It was just the dream."

"The spell must have been strong, then," Lena says, like a thought. "You were shaking for a long time, trembling like you were developing a fever, but your skin felt like ice the entire time you were out. You even screamed a bit, mostly right before you woke up."

"Thank Sam for me when you get the chance," she says dryly, then adds, when she realizes she doesn't have the energy to explain Reign or add to Lena's confusion. "For getting me through that, I mean. It felt awful trying to grit it out."

Lena frowns at that, carefully studying Kara's face as she lifts her hand to hold it over Kara's on her cheek. "I tried to keep you unconscious as best as I could, but it got harder as time went on. I'm sorry Sam's spell had such bad side effects, but it felt like - she offered to do it, and I was a little desperate," Lena explains. "I felt so bad when I went through it, and I wanted to protect you from that."

Sam actually offering to help makes Kara even more concerned that meeting Reign was intentional. But she looks at her arm, and... there's nothing there but her skin, nothing indicating the sting of the handshake was anything other than a way for Reign to scare Kara. "Thanks," she says, letting a slow smile spread across her mouth as she squeezes Lena's cheek. She loves the feel of Lena's skin underneath her fingertips. "Honestly, I wasn't jumping at the idea of eating dirt for a week straight. It's good to - I'm lucky to have you."

"Yeah, you are," Lena smiles, spilling forward so she can crash into Kara with a hug. Kara scoops her up and kisses her nose, heat spreading through her chest when Lena giggles. "Do you want to try moving around a little bit?"

"Now that I have you in my arms?"

Lena tips her head and laughs at that. "You're right, this wasn't the best decision for your health." Kara can sense Lena moving before she does, and she knows she's strong enough to keep Lena pinned to her, right where she wants her to be, but she still lets her go when Lena pushes away and crawls back several feet on the grass. "Let's try hugging over here," she says, patting the ground next to her thighs.

Kara sighs but then she nods and stretches out her shoulders. She's surprised at how easy it is to lift up and get her knees underneath her. She presses them into the soft grass as she stretches out more, rolling out her neck and lifting her arms above her head all without so much as her back cracking or her limbs feeling sore or heavy. She still has the migraine, which she suspects is from her magic, but the heat of the day is starting to warm the iciness of her skin, and she mostly feels okay. She feels good, even, glad she has the strength to get on her feet again. Her magic feels nice, too. The more she lets it settle, the more she starts to acclimate.

She's still dying to touch Lena, but she can feel some of the tension starting to dissipate.

"Any nausea?" Lena asks.

"No, just a small headache, but I think I'm still adjusting."

"To being awake?

"To my magic," Kara says. The more she feels alert and awake, the more apparent it becomes. "I can feel it. Like it's just underneath my skin."

"Oh," Lena says, and then she chews her lip as she crosses her legs, twisting her hands together in her lap. She's obviously exhausted and that makes her look softer than she usually does. "There's nothing else, then?"

Kara shrugs. "Not that I can feel."

"Weird," Lena says, and then she falls silent for a while, studying Kara again.

Kara doesn't mind the silence, though, both because it gives her a quiet moment to clear her head of Reign and the events of the past week, and because it gives her a chance to study Lena, too, or rather - a chance to stare at her and maybe not look weird. It's so easy to get lost in how pink her mouth is, how perfect her skin looks over her pulse. It seems like a crime that she hasn't properly appreciated it before now, all of the times she's gotten to sink her teeth inside Lena. Normally she'd shy away from it, figure out an excuse to drink an expired bottle Alex dug up in the back of her garage, but right now she's aching for it wondering what it would be like to taste her blood after so long, while she's so hungry for it. There's a tug in her brain warning her it's not her best idea, but there's also the flood of her magic telling her she's right. It's like her vampire instinct and her magic are intertwined into one, each fighting for the survival of the other.

"Maybe because you're a vampire," Lena finally determines, snapping Kara's attention away from her neck. "I felt like shit the first day back, felt like my head was sloshing around and every time I stood up, I'd nearly black out. I didn't have enough energy to do basic things, but I was also so hungry. It was like I could never eat enough. I was just a bottomless pit with no stamina until it evened out."

"I think that was the point of it," Kara says, "the whole reason Alura wanted to be hybrid. All of the strength of magic and being fae but none of the limitations of your body. We don't even require that much blood to keep living, think I would have died a long time ago if I did," she adds, aiming for comfort since she doesn't want Lena fretting over how much Kara needs to feed during the recovery process. But there's this softness to Lena's face when she looks at her, startling and unexpected. It makes Kara's magic go into overdrive, sparking deep in her belly.

She's gotten used to the gentle tug of Lena's magic, the light buzz underneath her skin, but her magic feels the opposite of that. It feels needy and insatiable like it has a mind of its own. She shakes the thought away and looks down at her hands, trying to clear her mind again. They're in the middle of a war, and she's useless as it is. It doesn't help if she gets pulled into her head every time she looks at Lena.

"Do you want to try using it?" Lena asks. Kara looks up and quirks an eyebrow. "Your magic," she clarifies. "Seems like you might need an outlet."

"I'd rather go back to hugging you," Kara answers honestly. She's never felt Lena's magic as strongly as she feels her own magic right now, but she's still nervous about trying to use it in front of Lena.

Besides, touching Lena is probably the only outlet her magic needs right now.

It occurs to her that Lena probably knows that, that she was probably hinting at that, at the same time she catches Lena smirk. "You can feel it, can't you?" she asks. Lena could sense Kara's magic a week ago when Kara came out of the book and was barely alive. Of course, she can sense it when Kara's obsessing over her. Not that Kara was trying to hide it from her, she just... hadn't realized she was projecting.

She wants to feel embarrassed by that, but she's not. Her magic certainly isn't ashamed. She can feel the air heating up around her like it's putting on a show. It'd feel ridiculous if she didn't catch the red washing across Lena's cheeks, the challenge in her eyes. She can barely contain her magic while they're just chatting; there's no telling how hard it would be to keep it in with Lena provoking her.

"Don't do something silly," she says, tilting her head, not sure if she's talking to Lena or the energy building inside of her. It's like they're feeding off of each other, both equal amounts of reckless and uncontrollable, and Kara's just trapped in the middle of it.

Lena frowns at Kara as she shuffles forward in her direction. "I wasn't going to do anything silly," she says. "I just feel like it might be good for your magic to have some release after being pent up for so long." She lifts up on her knees once she's close enough for Kara to touch, shifting back to sit on her heels, and Kara notices that part of her shirt is tucked into her leggings, careless, like she got dressed in a hurry. She most likely spent the last week vacillating between anxiety about Kara and projecting strength to keep Alex calm.

And after a week of that and two weeks of Kara not having sex with her, she's probably just hungry for the tension, happy that she's wanted. 

Kara opens her mouth, but she's cut off by Lena saying, "I have a proposition."

"You don't need to proposition me to kiss you."

"No, that's not—" Lena starts, cheeks flushing as she plays with the untucked hem of her shirt. Kara can actually see her wheels turning for a few seconds before she says, "You won't trick me into saying that's not what I want. But, it wasn't my proposition."

Kara tilts her head just to tease her. "So, we're forgoing kissing? Someone should check the temperature in hell." Lena pouting at her is all it takes for Kara to be wrapped around her finger, though. "Alright, let's hear it, then."

"I want you to use your magic for me," Lena says fast, then slower, and more quietly, she adds, "Even something small, it doesn't matter."

"Oh," Kara says dumbly, feeling her stomach drop as her magic curls inside of her at the same time, a combo that has her staring at Lena with her mouth hanging open for a good ten seconds before she has enough sense to realize she needs to respond with something better than that. She could be hesitant or even ask questions, but Lena looks apprehensive and Kara fucking owes it to her to say yes without question after the absolute rollercoaster of a last month they've had in large part due to Kara's shitty past. So, instead of giving Lena a hard time, she just asks, "And that's all?" smiling as she reaches over and pulls Lena's shirt towards her, wiggling it free from where it was tucked in.

Lena shuffles forward the short distance between them, still on her knees as she rests her head against Kara's chest. Kara wraps her arms around her and Lena melts into the hug. "You should eat first," Lena says against her neck, surprising no one. "And before you start being a little shit about it, you already said you're famished, and I don't feel comfortable with you using magic if you're not feeling up to it."

"I didn't even say anything," Kara frowns, running her hand along Lena's back and realizing, pleasantly, that she's not wearing a bra. There's something about the fact that she got dressed in such a hurry that's getting to Kara. Like she truly went home and showered and threw on whatever she could grab so she could get back to the forest as fast as possible. Just to watch Kara sleep and fret too much about her well-being. She's probably not wearing underwear, either, Kara thinks, dropping her hand lower and gripping Lena's ass to find out that she's right.

Lena groans against her neck and it suddenly feels so hot between them, the way it does when Lena starts losing control of her magic, when all she wants is to be touched by Kara. "Don't start anything you don't plan on finishing yourself."

"Of course, I plan on finishing it myself," Kara says immediately. She feels her magic flare even before she gets a chance to feel upset about that. She abso-freaking-lutely plans on finishing what she's starting. She didn't go through six different hells and back just so she could pass up on touching Lena again. If anything, she is now very acutely aware of how dumb it was to spend even a week pulling away from Lena considering the number of people that died to give them both a shot at happiness, including herself where Lena's concerned. And what does Lena mean by yourself? Who else is going to do it? "Are you saying there's some sort of alternative option if I didn't?"

Lena pulls back so she can look up at Kara and furrow her brows. "It's not like I can just magically stop wanting you every time you decide you no longer want me. And if you're not going to touch me, then someone has to do something about the fact that I get turned on just by like, smelling you or hearing your voice, or by anything, really, that has to do with you. And as much as I want to push it away, I can't. I can't just ignore it. I've tried really hard to, too, but I have to do something, and even though all I ever really want is you, I've just settled for—"

"Who?" Kara asks, moving her hands to grip Lena's arms firmly. "Who else is touching you?"

"Me," Lena yelps, her cheeks flushing an alarming shade of red. "I'm touching me. Sorry, I wasn't - I'd never..." She lets her shoulders sink as she looks up at Kara, obvious that she feels bad about the misunderstanding "I've just been touching myself in the shower or when you're gone or asleep, because I - I don't know. When I tried to bring up sex you just laughed at me, so I let it go."

Kara realizes how tightly her hands are wrapped around Lena's arms, how furious her magic is roaming over her skin, and it registers that's maybe why Lena's eyes are so wide. She loosens her grip and tries her best to smile in a way that calms Lena, mentally scolding her magic and her brain for the completely unnecessary outburst. She doesn't feel like she's ever been the jealous type, but then again Lena is her mate, and she's never really had one of those before, either. She doesn't like the idea of someone else touching Lena; she could barely stomach it a few weeks ago when Alex was making fun of her for being friends with someone Lena dated previously.

"Sorry, I know you wouldn't do that. I think I just sort of panicked," she starts with. "But also, I would never laugh at you for something like that. I was only laughing when you said it because I think you're really cute when you're pouting about things. But I didn't realize how serious of an issue it was that we weren't having sex." Which, might be dumb of her in hindsight. Lena even sat on her lap and touched herself to prove to Kara she can't control how she feels around her. "Which I should have recognized, honestly, so that's my bad. God, it's like, really my bad, okay?" she sighs, because Lena isn't delusional; Kara has been pulling away and avoiding Lena and she knows that.

In fact, she's probably the delusional one between the two of them, because she's blamed the way she's felt the last few weeks on absolutely everything except what the actual problem is. Sure, she's a little bent out of shape about finding out she was a faerie, about having it become more apparent she lost a life and a family. And yeah, she's fucking stressed about what vampires are going through right now and everything that Lillian is doing. But, in the grand scheme of things, that isn't what caused her to pull away from Lena, to stop touching her, stop drinking her blood. It's exactly as she said to Alex back when they were in the car together: the longer she's with Lena, the more she realizes that her existence only serves to hurt Lena, while Lena's existence only serves to make Kara better. It's classic Lena lighting herself on fire to keep Kara warm.

And there's something about that fact that Kara cannot fundamentally accept, but she realizes now that she's been going about it all wrong. They're already linked together, so pulling away from Lena only hurts her more when really, the only viable solution Kara has is to pour just as much of herself into Lena as Lena's pouring into her. It's not like Kara's ever been opposed to that, but she also hasn't been listening to Lena, because she's wholeheartedly convinced herself she has nothing to offer when this entire time Lena has been telling her exactly what she needs.

"I guess I just," she says, looking away from Lena, staring at the grass to make this easier. "I think something snapped in me when J'onn said you'd been protecting me in the forest and you didn't even hesitate before defending my right to be there. And I think I was like, already falling apart after you casually offered your blood to keep me fed during the shortage - once again, like it was absolutely nothing to you, like you didn't even have to think about it. And then—" She clears her throat. "And then James mentioned you're essentially half as strong after giving me your magic unless you're physically with me, and I think that's maybe what officially sent me over the edge, because you also didn't hesitate in doing that. In fact, you were more concerned about crossing my boundaries than you were about the fact that you were giving away a piece of yourself."

"I'm sorry?" Lena says, quiet and unsure, and Kara looks up to see her face starting to drop like she's sad.

"No," she says quickly, squeezing Lena's arm. She's doing this wrong. She's not saying the right things. "I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I'm saying that I've been handling this all wrong. I've been pulling away from you in some weird attempt to protect you from yourself when you're around me," she finally admits out loud. "Because I think deep down I thought you'd be better off if I pushed you away. But I shouldn't have been pushing you away, and I realize that now. I should have been pulling you in, bringing you closer, because that's all you really want, right?" Kara searches Lena's face to gauge if she's on the right track, and she thinks she is, finally, judging from how hard Lena's breathing.

Lena doesn't say anything, though. She just keeps staring at Kara like she's absolutely astounded by what she's saying. And it's so hard sometimes for Kara to remember that as smart and brave and lovely and capable as Lena is, she's not really used to ever getting what she wants. At least not in her personal life with friends and family and people that she loves. Kara was supposed to be better than everyone else was before, and so far she's only managed to send mixed signals, to be weird and frustrating, and more confusing than she needs to be. More than anything, Lena just wants to be loved and taken care of and studied close enough that someone truly understands her after a lifetime of being neglected. She just wants Kara to hold her and talk to her and have sex with her, and maybe even bite her sometimes, and it's ridiculous how difficult that's been for Kara to pull off since she wants those things, too. All of them, even the biting, because she'd be lying if she ever said she didn't.

She's an idiot, she thinks, and then she just says out loud, "I'm an idiot," because it needs to be announced. She pulls Lena into a hug again, holding her against her chest, and surprisingly—or maybe not—Lena actually melts into it, wrapping her arms around Kara's waist and sighing against her shoulder. There's a part of Kara that wants to laugh at herself for ever letting Lena think a moment goes by where she doesn't want her, but she doesn't feel like now is exactly a laughing moment. "I just want you to know," she says, pressing her nose against Lena's hair and breathing in the scent, "that I've wanted you from the moment I first—" She hesitates. "Okay, maybe not from the moment I first saw you, since I was busy having the life scared out of me, but I've definitely wanted you ever since the moment I saw you tilt your head back and laugh at the fact you were being growled at by a vampire alone in a forest. Literally in the middle of the night with no way of protecting yourself."

"Seriously?" Lena huffs, tightening her arms around Kara's waist. "First of all, you hissed, not growled. It was the exact opposite of intimidating since cats hiss to let others know they feel threatened. And second, I could level you with a flick of my magic, so I wasn't exactly defenseless."

"Okay," Kara starts, but Lena bites her shoulder hard and she shuts right up.

"I wasn't finished," she says. "Because you are an idiot, but you're my idiot. And I'm your mate, and at some point, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that we belong to each other no matter how hard you try to run away from it."

"Alright," Kara hums, rubbing her face against Lena's hair. "But don't you think there's a little flaw in what you said?"

Lena groans frustratedly and pulls back to look up at Kara. "A flaw in what part?"

Kara smiles to herself, drawing it out just to annoy Lena, but Lena rolls her eyes ridiculously and squints at Kara because she always finds a way to be more dramatic than Kara is. "You said it yourself that I'm strong, right? Maybe I'm strong enough to take more than a flick of your magic."

Lena looks caught off guard by that for just a second, but then she smirks, leaning in close so her breath is ghosting over Kara's lips as she whispers, "You have no idea how strong you are, do you? Because if you did—" she cuts off to hum against Kara's lips and Kara's breath hitches, catching in her throat when she sees Lena suck her lip into her mouth. Lena doesn't bother finishing the sentence. Instead, she leans in and grabs Kara's bottom lip between her own, sucking it gently and pulling before letting it go. She leans back with an even bigger smile on her face, dropping her hand so she can slide it up Kara's shirt. "Besides, your magic definitely likes me more than it likes you."

Kara starts to argue, but Lena's thumb traces over her star rune and, unlike a week ago, this time her body reacts to it with a jolt. She instantly feels the tug in her belly, the heat spreading through her chest so fast that she has to duck her head and bury it against Lena's shoulder. It takes a considerable amount of effort not to shift her hips forward, not to tackle Lena onto her back on climb on top of her just like this. It takes even more effort not to yell at herself for pushing Lena away when she wants this just as much as Lena does, maybe even more since she's nearly two-hundred years old and hadn't so much as touched herself before meeting Lena. She hadn't even thought about it.

"You're even more responsive than normal," Lena says in a hush, trailing her hands up to cup Kara's breasts. Kara squeezes her hands in Lena's shirt and turns her head so her mouth is pressed against her neck. She's very acutely reminded of how hungry she is when she feels Lena's pulse against her lips, but she doesn't have the willpower to pull herself away. Especially not when Lena tilts her head for easier access. "You can't hide from me anymore when your magic feels like this. I can actually feel how much you want it."

"Of course, I want it," Kara whispers, closing her eyes and focusing on how Lena feels against her mouth. "I've probably spent more time than I'd like to admit thinking about drinking your blood, biting your skin. It's never been something I don't want."

"Prove it, then," Lena says. She drops a hand to Kara's waist and circles it around to rest against her back while she pushes her other hand up to run her thumb over Kara's nipple. Kara shivers so hard she falls against Lena, using how steady she is for stability. "It's easy to talk about how much you want me if you never have to back it up, when you're not the one touching yourself to prove it to me or taking me to sacred places, or letting me touch your wings without masking. Do you know how long it's been since I've let my mask down and let someone touch me?" Kara doesn't get a chance to answer because Lena just keeps going. "Since I was eight," she says. "I've been hiding behind my mask since I was eight because I always thought I was better off being invisible, and it was fucking hard to let it down, to let you touch me, but I wanted to. All I've ever wanted is to be yours, but it's somehow fucking impossible to make that happen. It's like you're allergic to the idea."

"That's not true," Kara counters, pressing in harder against Lena's neck but leaving her mouth closed.

"Then why do I always have to beg for you to take me?" Lena asks her, dropping her other hand to curl around Kara's back as she pulls her into a hug. She presses her lips to Kara's ear when she says, "Unless you secretly wish I belonged to someone else."

The sudden tension Kara feels in her magic comes as a shock, hot and angry underneath her skin. For a flash of a second, she does want to take from Lena, prove to both of them that Lena does belong to Kara, that no one else is allowed to touch her. That split second is all it takes for her fangs to slip out against her bottom lip. It doesn't feel involuntary so much as it feels like a warning, like her magic is telling Lena it's more than willing to rise to the challenge if Lena's insistent on continuing to press Kara the way she is. Kara doesn't fight it, either. Suppressing how she feels is how they got here in the first place, and for once she's starting to understand that even in the worst-case scenario, Lena could easily lay her out with her magic without Kara ever considering fighting back against her.

Kara can tell Lena senses she's struck a chord. She has her fangs indenting into her neck even before Lena presses in and says, "Maybe you really did like it better when I was dating other people. At least then you had an excuse to hide from what you wanted."

Kara feels like her head is too full to even process her thoughts. She doesn't even realize she's moving until she has Lena on her back in the grass in one swift motion, her legs straddling Lena's thigh, her hands pinning Lena's shoulders down. "That's not true," she says again, because it isn't true, and a very small piece of her recognizes that Lena also knows it isn't true, but she said it.

She actually said it out loud and the words have Kara's head spinning and her ears burning from the intensity of her magic.

The hardest part is that she's upset, too, can't even pull it together enough to soothe her magic into calming down, and what makes it even worse is that Lena looks... surprised. "You know how much I hated seeing you with other people," she says, and then, because she doesn't want to make it seem like she's blaming Lena for her own apparent fuck-ups, she adds, "I'm sorry if I'm not so obvious about it, but I like you being mine. I like knowing I can hold you whenever I want, that I can touch you or hug you or kiss you, and that's just okay. And I like having sex, too, but it's like, I'm also really into the other stuff, just being around each other. I can go without sex because I'm happy just having you but that never, ever means I don't want you or that I wouldn't be up for sex if you were actually asking for it."

There are a few seconds after she says all of that where she just feels cold. Where Lena doesn't talk and the air is contrasting hard with how hot her skin is from her magic. Then Lena gently shifts underneath her hands and Kara lifts up to let her free.

"You confuse me so much," Lena says quietly, slowly, the words nearly swallowed up by the wind as she scans her eyes over Kara's face. It doesn't seem like she's judging Kara or angry or even upset. It almost seems reverent, like something's just now clicking into place for her. "Any other faerie would be tearing me apart with their magic right now, but you're just - you're apologizing. And it's fucking weird because you're so strong. I thought for sure you'd be an alpha, that'd you claim me accidentally, first chance you got, without even realizing it."

"I wouldn't," Kara says, but Lena shakes her head.

"It's what I would have I wanted, to be honest," Lena says. "That's how fae show their love. We claim each other and we're just like, weird and prickly and angry all the time when anyone else is near our mate. And there are all of these unspoken rules about touching and magic when you're around someone bonded, but it's like, no matter how hard I try, you just don't feel that way. And it shouldn't be memory based, since it's inherent. It's in our DNA. I thought maybe with your magic you'd start making sense, but your magic is the same as you. I can sense you want me, you both do, but you keep giving me space, keep making me come to you."

"If it's worth anything, I do get weird and prickly and angry when others get too close to you," Kara tells her, folding her arms over her chest. "But I never want to be overbearing about that. You're your own person. If you want me, I'm here."

"You absolutely can be overbearing," Lena says. "I'll never in all of my existence want anyone but you."

"Yeah, me either," Kara agrees, running her hand through her hair defeatedly. "I don't think I've ever told you this, but the night you touched my star rune, I'm fairly sure that was the first time I'd ever - you know," she gestures, too embarrassed to actually say the word out loud. "Before I met you I don't think I ever even thought about sex or wanted to have it, or wanted to touch myself, but then I could always smell—" Shit. She swallows up the rest of that sentence so fast that she actually makes a weird sound with her throat.

She wants to pretend she never started to admit that, so she really, really hates the fact that Lena's smiling at her when she looks down, slowly shifting her weight underneath Kara, chewing her lip, teasing her. "You could smell what?"

"I could smell you," Kara emphasizes.

"Smell what? You have to be more clear," Lena says, smile growing wider. Kara just tilts her head, but Lena doesn't relent. "They're just words, Kara. All you have to do is say them. They can't hurt anyone. They won't hurt anyone."

"Fine," Kara sighs, relaxing and sinking down against Lena's thigh. Both her hips and her magic stutter at the contact. Lena takes in a sharp breath and grabs her thighs, and she lets her eyes flutter shut for a moment before she opens them again. "I could smell you when you'd get turned on," she admits. "I wasn't sure what it was at first, but I was - I was really attracted to it, like it always made me want to be closer to you. Part of me thought I just like all of your smells. And then when it finally hit me what was happening, I was - well, I felt a little mortified, to be honest."

Kara expects Lena to tease her for the confession, but she doesn't. She just stares at Kara for a long few seconds before she hums to herself and decides to change the subject. "Your hair is getting so long," she says thoughtfully, reaching up and running her fingers through the ends of Kara's hair idly, twirling a few strands of scruffy flyaways around her finger while she stares unfocused at Kara's mouth. "Let me up," she says suddenly, letting her hand drop back to Kara's thigh. "I want to sit on your lap so you can eat."

Kara laughs at that, but she lifts up and scoots back to sit on the grass, crossing her legs. Lena lifts herself up and climbs into Kara's lap, wrapping her legs around her waist and going back to running her fingers through her hair. "Your two-track mind never fails, just sex and eating."

"You're not wrong," Lena says, chewing her lip. "You're definitely putting your head between my legs once you're done feeding." Kara clears her throat reflexively and Lena moves in to press their foreheads together. "I think I've decided that having a full-blown killing machine get flustered because she wants to have sex with me is even better than dating an asshole alpha faerie, so eat up. We have things to do."

"I'm not a killing machine," Kara says, smiling, watching Lena swipe her hair away from her neck.

"You are literally, not exaggerating, at least three times as strong as Lillian, and that's me being conservative since you came off being overloaded less than an hour ago. You are the actual definition of a killing machine."

"What?" Kara asks, stunned, shocked, dumbfounded. She doesn't even feel strong. She just feels like... herself. But, then again, she also isn't noticing Lena like she usually does. It always feels like Lena's taking up all the air in the forest, like her presence is even bigger than Kara can ever fathom, but right now she just seems small, delicate, fragile, even. Shit, Kara thinks.

She's been so distracted she hadn't even registered that Lena's probably feeling her the same way she usually feels Lena.

"Exactly," Lena groans, like the fact of it only serves to frustrate her. "And you can't even say orgasm. It's un-fucking-real if you ask me."

"In a good way?"

"Yeah, of course, in a great way," Lena confirms, voice soft as she squirms in Kara's lap and tilts her head. "Alex has been helping me stockpile blood to get you through this, and Nia even met some donors on Tinder to help out, but I told her I'm not sure if you're into stuff from humans. It's there, though, in the refrigerator if you want it. I'm not delusional or anything, I know you can't sustain yourself only using me, but I think it's safe enough once or twice a week, and we can figure out everything else in between."

"You really want this?" Kara asks, wrapping Lena in a hug.

Lena nods her head, a pretty flush spreading across her cheeks. "I like the way it makes me feel. It's like I'm becoming a part of you."

Kara pulls Lena in and kisses her soft, soft lips. "I think I can do once or twice a week without being annoying about it."

"Perfect," Lena says, happy, almost giddy. "I normally love this part, but I'm happy to be done with it faster today. I lit an intention candle to bring more sex into my life, and then I saved a bunch of pictures for, uh, research, in my phone trusting it would work."

Kara shakes her head. "I'm not even going to ask," she laughs, pressing forward to kiss Lena's neck right over her pulse, and Lena squeezes her thighs tighter as she shifts forward.

Kara has a brief moment where she wonders if drinking faerie blood in the faerie realm is considered sacrilegious, then she shakes the thought away and lets her fangs slip out, gently pressing them against Lena's neck and waiting for her to relax against Kara's body. She increases the pressure once Lena does, and when she first breaks skin, Lena lets a sound slip from her mouth that's even better than music.

Kara's stomach twists up the second she hears it but she has to ignore it because she needs to focus but she can't stop thinking about how warm Lena's getting on her lap but she needs to be aware of how much blood she's drinking but she can't stop her head from spinning thinking about the fact that this is, in fact, sexual for Lena. Kara knows it is even if Lena never says so or never wants to admit it or swears it's more about feeding Kara than anything else. And maybe it is about feeding Kara after years of being hunted and starving, but it's more than that.

She pulls back to inspect the area once she's finished, licking over the blood that starts to pool where the skin is punctured. Lena squirms hard in her lap at the feel of her tongue, though, and Kara makes the mistake of gripping her hair and pulling her head back to look at her face. She's biting her bottom lip so hard it's fading from a dark pink to white underneath her teeth, and her face is flushed a pretty red.

"You can have more," Lena says, the offer coming out wet and on an exhale.

"As tempting as it is," Kara says, massaging her fingers against Lena's scalp and shaking her head, "I think I'll opt to save some for later." She reaches up and rubs where the blood is dripping on Lena's neck, then pulls her hand back and sticks her thumb in her mouth to lick it off. She can't say she remembers what actual food tastes like, but she can't imagine anything ever tasting better than Lena's blood.

"Good?" Lena asks, eyes wide as she watches Kara pull her thumb from her mouth.

Kara nods, licking her lips, actually a little sad to see that Lena's blood is already starting to coagulate. "You ever eat something and no matter how much you've had it, it still shocks your taste buds every single time? It's like that, but probably better than what you're thinking."

Lena feels so warm in her lap, it's like she might burn herself up and turn them both into ash. "It can't be that good," she says, eyelashes fanning over her cheeks as she blinks her eyes closed and slowly pulls them open. She lifts her fingers and presses them into the skin where Kara bit her, pushing until it starts to bleed again, and then she has her fingers in her mouth before Kara can even process what she's doing.

She doesn't catch another breath before she's pulling Lena in to kiss her. It's clumsy at first, their teeth knocking together, but Lena sinks into it fast, reaches up, and holds Kara's face with both hands, turning it slick and hot with her tongue inside Kara's mouth, nipping at Kara's bottom lip. Kara can tell that Lena really missed this just from the way she's breathing, from the way she's leaning into it with her whole body, and god, Kara really fucking missed this, too. The weight of Lena across her hips, the sweet taste of her mouth, how she responds with her entire body when Kara rolls her lip between her teeth. Kara's hands slip underneath Lena's shirt, feeling Lena shake as she trails them up her waist and then her sides, pushing the fabric up with them. Lena arches her back, pressing harder into Kara, and for a moment she feels too delicate, small and pliable in Kara's hands, like Kara could do anything she wants with her, and - the thought makes her shiver, hard, a rush of energy flowing over her skin as she breaks away from the kiss. She can't tell if it's the magic or if it's just her, but she wants Lena so much right now it aches.

Kara pulls back to look at Lena, at her flushed cheeks and red mouth. She lifts her hands higher along Lena's ribs, nudging Lena's shirt higher as she slowly runs her hands over Lena's warm skin, teasing her thumbs underneath the soft underside of her breasts. "So, those pictures you saved?"

Lena blushes an even more hectic shade of red. "You said you wouldn't ask."

Kara laughs. "I lied."

Lena presses her hand over her heart. "Never thought I'd see the day when dark gray wings were treacherous."

"Hasn't astrology always been fake?"

Lena scoffs at that. "Are you even a lesbian at this point?"

"I am for you," Kara answers honestly, and she can actually see Lena's eyes darken, the black edging out the green and blue. "If you take your leggings off, I could show you. Contrary to popular belief, I do like having sex with a very dramatic, needy faerie."

"If you think this is dramatic absolutely do not read the text message thread between me and Alex on your phone."

Kara snorts. "Why were you using my phone to text her."

Lena frowns as if Kara said something unsavory. "As if I'd ever give her access to my actual number. No one gives a six-hundred-year-old vamp that kind of control. The things she could do to me via text. She already rick-rolled me on your phone!"

"She didn't realize you like to panic text if she doesn't respond right away, did she?"

Lena rolls her eyes. "She's a vampire. She has no business being asleep anytime before midnight and I texted her at 9pm."

"Alex definitely doesn't sleep before midnight," Kara tells her.

"Well she did yesterday," Lena explains, "when I was texting her freaking out because you were screaming in your sleep. And then she responded two hours later saying she was having such a good time in bed, she didn't want to—" Lena stops mid-sentence, and then she makes a disgusted face and shakes her head. "Gross. No way she texted me that. God, and I bet she's laughing her ass off because I didn't get it."

Kara's doing her best not to laugh herself. "Pants off," she says dropping a hand to Lena's thigh. "Let's take your mind off of it."

"It's okay, I've already started to go to my happy place," Lena tells her, but she's shuffling off of Kara's lap, anyway, lying on her back in the grass as she kicks her white vans off and shuffles her leggings down her thighs. It's a clumsy process, not meant to be sexy by any means, but Kara's pulse is absolutely thrumming with each new inch of skin she can see as Lena pushes the fabric lower.

"Your happy place?" she asks, licking her lips as Lena pulls the leggings over her feet and lets her legs drop into the grass, thighs falling open.

"Mhm," Lena hums, her exhalations shallow and nervous as they huff out over her lips while Kara stares at her. "I like to imagine us having sex in the back of a truck bed or something on a lazy summer night, with the sounds of a lake party off in the background, like people laughing and music with too much bass, and the air is doing that heavy thing it does right before a summer storm rolls in."

Kara smiles at that, running a hand over her face and shaking out her hair. "Why was that so elaborate?"

"I have a good imagination," Lena shrugs, nonchalant, lifting her arm to pull her sleeve back and pull a hair tie off her wrist.

She hands it to Kara, and Kara grabs it, taking a second to tie her hair back in a messy ponytail. She settles down in the grass on her belly, resting on her forearms between Lena's legs, and despite the way Lena's breath shudders when she inhales, she still manages to spread herself even wider. She's so wet she's glistening, dark pink and puffy, delicious enough to make Kara fucking salivate. She once walked in on Alex eating a girl out back when they both lived with Eliza, and after she realized she wasn't witnessing Alex murder a human through her vagina, and what she was seeing was, in fact, sexual, she had filed the image away as something she now knew existed, but would never find herself doing. So, it feels completely ridiculous that her stomach is doing somersaults as she smells Lena up close for the first time in weeks. Weeks. She's going to fucking worship Lena after this, going to be on her knees so much that even Lena gets tired of having her mouth between her legs.

The thought makes her giggle, a nice warm energy running through her as she turns and presses her smile against Lena's thigh. She kisses along the skin there, red from Lena being so turned on, and watches Lena frown as a shadow washes over her face. "The sun is gone," she sighs. "It was actually starting to feel really nice on my skin. It's so cold in the human realm and gray. I miss having sunlight."

Kara hums to herself, watching Lena's eyes drift with the clouds. "The sun should always be shining on you," she decides, feeling something rush through her that she can't explain, probably just the overwhelming amount of feelings she has any time she thinks about Lena. Then, as if right on cue, there's a break in the clouds and the sun starts to spill out across Lena's skin again.

Lena blinks up at it for a few moments before she pulls her eyes away and looks at Kara. There's something serious about her stare, curious, but eventually, a smile blossoms on her face and she lets her head fall back against the grass. "Shouldn't your mouth be busy already?"

"I thought we were having a moment," Kara says, leaning down to kiss the trimmed patch of hair between Lena's thighs. She has half a mind to savor the moment, just spend the next five minutes placing soft kisses all over Lena's skin before she even gets into licking her, but Lena whimpers at the contact and grips her fingers in the grass, so Kara decides she has the rest of her life to laze around between Lena's legs. Right now, though, it's more important that she makes Lena come before her head explodes.

Kara shifts lower, wrapping her hands around Lena's thighs and pulling her in as she licks right up the center of Lena where she's wet and shiny like a semi-precious stone. Lena tilts her head back in the grass, and Kara licks her again with the flat of her tongue right under her clit but not over it. She knows the goal is to make Lena come, but she figures it'll be that much better if she makes her wait for it even a little bit. So, when Lena digs her heels in the grass and pushes down, Kara holds her hips and places as soft a kiss as she can right over her clit.

"Fuck, please," Lena whines, and her voice sounds strained and desperate, spaced out and turned on, like music to Kara's ears. She loves reducing Lena to the point of begging, loves how needy she gets for it, frantic and whimpering like she's afraid there'll ever be a day when Kara doesn't get her off. Lena grips her hand in Kara's ponytail and makes a frustrated sound in the back of her throat as she says, "You're teasing me."

Kara scoffs at that, staying close so Lena can feel the air between her legs. "I'd never," she says, pressing her nose against Lena's clit and circling her tongue in how slick Lena is, taking her time as she slowly teases around her entrance without dipping in. "I'm just enjoying how good you taste after being away for so long. You can't fault me for indulging myself."

"Not to break up the reunion, but I'm this close to coming already. You really don't understand how much I've wanted this."

"You say that like you ever last more than a few minutes," Kara murmurs, not able to hide how fond she is of Lena, how happy it makes her that she's somehow that vampire that Lena decided to attach her life to, that she somehow turns Lena on so much that she spends her days just fantasizing about the next time they touch whenever they're not actively doing. Sad, starving, insignificant Kara, who had her memories erased and her life ripped away from her happened to pull off being the one thing Lena Luthor can't live without.

She doesn't fight it this time when Lena shifts her hips to get more friction. She licks up Lena's clit, wraps her mouth around it, and sucks it against her tongue. Fortunately, Lena doesn't come right away. She swears under her breath and fights to hold her body still as Kara licks slow circles over her clit again and again, breathing too loud because her nose is pressed into the patch of dark hair above her mouth. She shifts her weight to one side and moves her hand between Lena's legs, running her thumb up the length of her and rubbing Lena's slickness messily over her clit. Then she takes her time pressing two fingers inside of Lena, spreading them apart once she buried past her knuckles, licking around her slowly and then pressing her tongue inside. Lena moans, rolling her hips down as she grips her hands in Kara's hair.

Kara's magic goes fucking insane at the sting of it, rolling across her skin, making her belly dip so low and fast and hot, that she has to spend a few seconds just panting over Lena's clit before she can pull it together again. Lena's so close her thighs are shaking around Kara's head where they're thrown over her shoulders, so Kara goes back to licking over her clit again, letting Lena lift up against her mouth and push her head down so she's basically riding Kara's face. "Kara," she moans, gripping her fingers even tighter and working up a consistent rhythm, squeezing so tight around Kara's finger that the best she can do is hold them there, keeping Lena full, giving her something more.

She sucks Lena's clit into her mouth, and Lena's legs clasp around her head faster than she knows what's happening. There's a wonderful moment where Lena's magic slips out of her and it floods Kara's body like a wave, making her brain white out as she slowly humps against the grass while letting Lena spasm against her face. She doesn't feel any clearer when Lena finally lets her go, when she's able to get some space.

She sits up on her knees and looks down at Lena, and her belly keeps tugging lower and her head keeps feeling heavier, and it feels like she's throbbing between her legs, so she does the only thing that makes sense: sticks her hand down her leggings and gets so close to actually touching herself, actually feeling some form of relief, but then her arm is being pulled away, snatched out of her leggings and tugged toward the ground on her side. She looks over and sees there's a vine curling up her forearm snaking out of the grass where it's holding her as she feels the same thing start happening with her other arm. And then she's just stuck there, on her knees with her arms being pulled away from her at her sides, being restrained at her sides, while her body is practically screaming to be touched, her magic a blur of heat and pain and pleasure that somehow feels so good underneath her skin. She's not surprised to see Lena's frowning when she looks up, squinting her eyes at Kara as she sits up and climbs to her own knees. Kara wants to make a joke of it, but Lena pins her with a look so angry she just stays quiet.

"Unbelievable," Lena says, running a hand through her hair, a mess of sweat and tangles at this point. "Like, I've already accepted the fact that you want me to be my own woman, that you're hesitant about putting a claim on me or being overtly possessive. I've come to terms with it, really, but I will not stand for you touching yourself after getting me off. I know you're always concerned with drinking my blood and having my magic because you feel like you're taking something from me, but I've never actually felt like you were taking from me until you went and did that."

Kara doesn't know what to do with that. Her brain doesn't, her body doesn't, the sound she makes low in the back of her throat doesn't. Because how is she supposed to handle Lena telling her she can give up her magic and her blood without ever feeling like Kara's taking, but she can't give up the opportunity to touch Kara? Kara's always wanted to be invisible, too, has always been afraid to take up too much space, but a selfish piece of her absolutely loves how much space she takes up in Lena's life, loves the way she's always monopolizing her brain.

She starts to say sorry, but she gets the impression speaking would only make this worse. It's a good decision, too, staying quiet, because she's rewarded for it when Lena crawls over and kneels in front of her, running a hand up Kara's belly underneath her shirt. Kara can feel her skin reacting underneath Lena's touch, the sensation lingering as she trails onward like she's leaving her mark behind on Kara.

"You feel that?" Lena asks, and Kara chances a nod. "That's because, unlike you, I actually did claim you," she says, and Kara ignores the dig because Lena's dropping her hand lower, lower, lower until she's tucking it inside the waistband of Kara's leggings and cupping Kara over her underwear. Kara spreads her thighs wider and sinks against her without even having a thought about it first. "This isn't even the first time you've tried, either. Which is ridiculous because it's not like I hide how much I like you." Kara groans and shifts lower, searching for friction, feeling too contained but also somehow getting off on it. She can feel the moment something snaps inside Lena, like she wants to be angry but it's being overridden by the fact that Kara's tied up and trying to fuck herself against her hand.

"It won't happen again," she promises. "But I can't say I hate the outcome of it." She pulls at the restraints to test the limits of them, squirming against Lena when she feels how strong they are. Lena pulls the vines down harder, stretches her tighter, and Kara bites her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. She didn't even realize she could be this turned on. "Benefit of the doubt?" she asks, the words huffing out too wet over her lips as she blinks up at Lena through her lashes. She really wishes she could sweat at this point, feels like she's on fire.

"Fuck," Lena mumbles, carefully studying Kara's face. She shifts her fingers over the center of Kara's underwear putting pressure on her clit, and watches Kara react to it like she's investigating wildlife in nature, like Kara's a rare flower blossoming for the first time. She moves in slow, but it still feels sudden when she kisses Kara hard enough to bruise, gripping her free hand in Kara's shirt as she gets her tongue in Kara's mouth, still teasing her between her legs so Kara's senses feel like they're all being overloaded. "I want you to watch me," she says, pulling away suddenly and getting up so she can walk around and kneel behind Kara. And then she's pressed to Kara's back, one hand wrapped around her waist resting flat against her belly while she shoves her other hand down inside Kara's underwear and twirls her finger in the slickness.

"Ridiculous," Lena whispers, mouth pressed against Kara's ear. It's probably supposed to be chastised, but it mostly comes out awestruck, like she can't believe just how wet Kara is for her. "The next time you do it, I'll tie you down and make you beg for it. And not just please or whining or taking the easy way out, but I'll hold you there until you tell me exactly what you want." Kara's hips jerk at that and Lena slips her finger from playing around her entrance to slowly circling her clit. "Are you watching?"

Kara nods, forcing her eyes open to watch Lena's hand. It feels a little dumb because it's not even explicit, really, she can only see the shape of it moving inside her leggings, but it still hits her like she's being punched in the chest.

"What happens after I beg?" she asks, out of breath. "Do I get the things I ask for?"

"I bet you'd find that even scarier than if I didn't give it to you." Kara nods again because it's true. She doesn't know why it's true, but it is. Lena puts more pressure on her clit and she lets her head fall back against her shoulder, pulling at her arm and feeling frustrated to find it's still restrained. She wants to thread her fingers in Lena's hair, wants to pull her forward so she can turn her head and kiss her. "Keep watching," Lena instructs, and Kara blinks down to focus on her head again. "I want you to have a mental image of what you're missing."

Kara's thighs shake as she says it, and she feels like she's close. Feels like she's so close. As if she senses it, Lena nibbles her ear and starts working her hand faster, Kara moving her hips to match her rhythm, giving up on watching to close her eyes and just feel how good it is to have Lena between her legs. She needs more, though, needs something extra to make her come. She doesn't know what it is until she feels the vines coiling tighter around her arms, reminding her they're there, constricting more and more until they're digging into her skin just under the side of too painful. She comes just like that, gasping for air that never reaches her lungs, feeling her magic dance through her in a frenzy as Lena holds her close and presses soft kisses against her neck.

It's too much at once, and somehow just enough, and it makes Kara angry she almost missed this.

She doesn't register the vines are gone until she feels herself being pushed to the ground and rolled onto her back. Lena crashes down on top of her, holding herself up to stare at Kara's face. "You're still totally, utterly confusing," she sighs. "First you use your magic to move the clouds just so the sun will shine on me, and then you use it to tighten the restraints and you immediately come afterward, and like, what do I even do with that?" Kara gapes at her. She hadn't realized either one of those was her doing. "Wow. And judging by your face, neither one of those was intentional," Lena says slowly, thoughtfully, like she's less frustrated and more curious again. She leans down and rests her head on Kara's chest, smoothing out the fabric of her shirt. "It'll be fun spending the rest of my life trying to figure you out."

"I don't think there's really that much to me," Kara comments.

"You're so much more interesting than you realize," Lena says dreamily, or maybe she's just sleepy.

"That's possible," Kara says. "Do you want to go back home? We can shower and hang out in bed for the rest of the day."

"Yeah," Lena whispers, but Kara lets her nod off for a bit before she rustles her awake, just enjoying having her in her arms again.

-

Kara's afraid to sleep. As much as she hates to admit it, she's fucking terrified that she'll close her eyes and find herself looking at Reign again. She's terrified she'll close her eyes and realize none of this is real and she'll have to give another awkward speech to Lena about how much she really does want her and keeps fucking up. So, she waits until Lena's sound asleep, and then she sneaks out of bed, grabs her phone, heads out of the apartment, and plants herself on the sofa in the shared lounge as she dials Alex's number and prays she's awake. It's nearly 3:30 in the morning so no one else in the apartment complex is awake, or they're at least not in the lounge.

Alex answers on the second ring with a frustrated, "It wouldn't kill you to just save my number in your phone. We're practically family now. You don't have to keep getting my hopes up that my sister is finally alive."

"Your sister is finally alive," Kara retorts. "Stop being a turd to Lena."

She can hear Alex gasp. "I'm not hallucinating, right? Nia did once try to give me blood laced with shrooms."

Kara smiles to herself, leaning back into the sofa. "She sounds like a good influence."

Alex snorts at that. "Her pride for her vamp identity is somehow even stronger than your internalize vamp-phobia."

Kara rolls her eyes. "That's not a thing."

Alex hums on the other end. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than I should be," Kara says. "Literally. I think being a vamp is actually saving me here."

"Glad to see you show some appreciation for our species. Where are you right now? I'll come to you. I want to see you."

"I'm in our apartment shared lounge," Kara sighs. "But don't worry about it. It's so late."

"Shut up, I'm coming," Alex snaps. "Just give me five minutes to get there."

"You always were a slow runner," Kara laughs.

"Fuck off," Alex huffs. "I don't need five minutes to run there. I need at least four minutes to kiss my angry girl back to sleep."

Kara makes a disgusted face, glad Alex can't see it. "Is it the same girl you were with while Lena was having a minor panic attack?"

"Did she finally catch on?"

"I caught on for her."

Alex hums. "Yes, it's the same girl, and no, don't ask any more questions."

"Fine," Kara huffs. "See you in five."

She clicks her phone screen off and drops it in her lap, listening to the sound of the overhead lamp buzzing for a few minutes and zoning out, and then her senses perk up in a way that has her hair standing on end. She glances at the door to see Alex coming through. She has to be going full speed, which is pretty fucking fast for a vampire as old as she is, but Kara's seeing it in slow motion.

Alex used to come out of nowhere and punch her when they were younger, then she'd speed away too fast for Kara to chase. Kara can sense this is exactly what Alex is doing, which is why she doesn't even think about hesitating before she's jumping to her feet, carefully stepping out of Alex's path as her body slowly pulls past her, and then she reaches back and punches Alex square in the shoulder. She doesn't expect time to speed back up just as she watches Alex crash through the refrigerator in front of them.

"What the fuck?" Alex yelps, stepping away from the refrigerator with her arm hanging limp at her side. She's smiling, though, so Kara figures the damage isn't too bad. "Are you like the goddamn Terminator now? How'd you move so fast?"

"I have no idea," Kara admits. "You were moving in slow motion that entire time. It was wild."

"Shit, really?" Alex grins. "That's badass."

"Yeah, this magic thing is crazy. I even moved the clouds today just to let the sun shine on Lena." She leaves out the sex part on purpose, but Alex would never do that, so maybe it's her turn to brag. Ugh. Never mind, it'd open too many cans of worms.

"You get your romantic side from me, by the way."

"Maybe," Kara shrugs, "but Lena thinks I'm not possessive enough, so."

Alex nods at that, laughing. "Yeah, okay. You definitely get that from your dad, then."

Kara laughs and rolls her eyes, plopping back down on the sofa and gesturing at Alex. "Do you need help with that?"

"No, I'm good," Alex says, then she grunts as she shoves her arm back into place before walking over to plop down next to Kara. She's wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans and she feels so fucking much like home right now that Kara's feeling choked up. "You had us going there for a while, you know? I actually had to give Lena a hug when you first went into the deep sleep. She cried and everything."

"She didn't tell me that," Kara mumbles, looking down at her hands.

"She's a tough cookie," Alex comments, ruffling Kara's shoulder. "I actually felt good knowing it was her looking after you."

That pulls a smile out of Kara as she looks up at Alex. "Why were you giving her so much crap, then?"

"That's just the nature of our relationship. I don't think she'd have it any other way, either. She fucking teleported out of our hug, said it felt weird."

"Mmm," Kara hums. "That's probably true." She thinks about the nature of her relationship with Lena, and she wonders if they'll work out in the end, if maybe she needs to be the one to compromise and Lena's just being... reasonable.

"What's on your mind?" Alex asks.

"Nothing," Kara lies, frowning, rubbing at the beginnings of a hole in her sleep joggers. "Just thinking, I guess." And then, because it's late at night and the safety of Alex sometimes makes her feel reckless, she adds, "Can I ask you an embarrassing sex question?"

"That is literally the purpose of having a sister."

Kara clears her throat, rubbing her hands together for a few seconds before she spits out, "Lena's really into being bitten." She sighs after that, more comfortable now that she's said one of the harder parts. "When we talked about it she said she just wants me to be like, happy and fed, and she likes being the one to help do it, but I also think she's just, really into being bitten. Sexually."

"Oh yeah, I've dated girls like that," Alex says casually.

Kara doesn't know why she feels shocked, but she is. "You have?"

"Sure, plenty of people are into it."

"What did you do when they asked you to bite them?"

"I just did it," Alex shrugs. "I mean, we talked about it beforehand, like boundaries and stuff, and if they had limits or what signals we would use if things were going too far, but - I don't know. We're all adults and if it's what they want and I want it, too, there's no point in saying no."

Kara thinks about that. "Even if it hurts them?"

Alex tilts her head like she's thinking about that, too. "I'm sure it stings, but I'm also pretty sure they get way more pleasure from it than pain."

"Yeah, I guess," Kara says. "It just feels weird to me for some reason."

"It's not your place to judge that," Alex says gently, like she's being considerate of Kara's feelings even as she points out  Kara's wrong. "Especially not with someone as important as Lena. If anything, you should be thanking her for being open about something she probably already feels a little shy about. You think she'd be throwing herself at you as an actual meal if she wasn't really into it?"

"Maybe," Kara whispers. "I don't know for sure, and I'm scared she wouldn't tell me."

"It's fucking Lena," Alex says slowly, like her time with Lena while Kara's been healing has somehow given her more insight into Lena than Kara's gotten in years. Shit, it probably has, if Kara's honest with herself. "She'll tell you if she's uncomfortable with you doing something. I think the problem is that she's owning all of the things she wants from you and you're projecting your own ideas of what she should be uncomfortable with."

"Okay, but how do I stop doing that? I don't want to judge her. It just happens when she catches me off guard."

"You've always had weird self-esteem issues about being a vampire."

Kara frowns. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"If you think of yourself as being gross or weird or dangerous, then you're going to judge anyone who doesn't think of you that way."

That actually... makes sense. Kara did spend a long time at the start of their friendship keeping a safe distance so she wouldn't scare Lena. Then she spent a lot of time in between then and now being angry at herself for letting it go so far, letting them get so close. "I think I get that. It's like, I'll feel like something must be wrong with them if they like me even when I don't like myself."

"Exactly," Alex says. "You have to accept who you are, and accept that people love you that way, you know?"

Kara sighs. "So it really wouldn't be predatory if Lena and I regularly incorporated the biting and feeding stuff into our relationship?"

"Nah, I don't think so. Just make sure she's taking vitamins and whatnot, like iron or something. I know a few vampire-safe doctors you two can probably talk to about it. But I don't know if her body is different or whatever with all the faerie stuff."

"Yeah, me neither," Kara admits. "I still feel weird, though. Like I'm benefitting more than she is. Like I'm taking something from her."

"You're not taking anything from her, she's letting you have it. She has all the control here. She decides when and how much and whether or not she'll do it, because the moment she says stop, you will, and you know you will. You're only taking what she's willing to give you."

Kara knows that part is true. Lena even said so herself in the forest today. She just doesn't know why she's having such a hard time letting that sink in for her. "Why am I so bad at this?" she groans. "I don't think you're even saying anything that Lena already hasn't."

Alex laughs again, leaning back on the sofa. "It's because all you want to do is hold her and make sure she's safe, and she's asking you to make her bleed and leave bruises on her neck. And I think, maybe, the hardest part about that is that you want to do those things, too. And it feels like that goes against the first bit. But it doesn't. Honestly. You're both consenting and making sure it's safe. It'll be fine. Just keep communicating."

"You are probably correct," Kara agrees, puffing out air through her lips. She decides it's time to change the subject. "So, who is she?"

Alex groans and lets her head fall back. "It's too soon to say, alright? I don't want to jinx it."

"How's it too soon if you're already having sex?"

"Some of us don't move like glaciers," Alex laughs. "It's new. Like, super new. I gave her my number and didn't think she'd ever text me, but she did, just to check in at first, but then we kept texting nonstop for the next few days. Then one day she texted me that she'd normally ask me over by saying she'll cook for me, but she doesn't know how to subtly get a vampire into her house without food motivation. And I told her it's fine, being a vampire also threw off my game since I had to stop asking girls if they were also on the menu when that took on a whole new meaning."

If Kara could blush, she would be doing it right now. "And then you went over her house and ate her instead of dinner?"

Now it looks like Alex wants to blush. "No," she laughs. "She came over to mine."

Kara wishes it were that easy for her. "I think I should get back to Lena before she wakes up and panics."

"Probably," Alex says, leaning over to wrap Kara in a hug. Kara lets herself be scooped up, letting her temple fall against Alex's chin and liking that she still feels small with her big sister. "I'll take the fridge with me, too. Don't want the building blaming you for it since you're a vampire."

"But, I did actually do it," Kara points out.

"Yeah, but not because you're a vampire," Alex says. "That was one-hundred percent faerie."'

-

When Kara makes it back upstairs, Lena's on the sofa with her head leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "I didn't panic this time," she says, lifting her head to look at Kara when Kara gets the door closed behind her. "Okay, so maybe I did jump up when I felt your magic and ran downstairs to peek my head inside the lounge, but I saw you staring at Alex and figured you were okay?"

"Yeah," Kara smiles, walking over to sit too close to Lena, pressing their thighs together. "We just play around like that."

"Good," Lena nods. "I ordered a new fridge, expedited shipping."

"Have I ever told you that you're the best?"

Lena lets her head drop with a blush. "Most likely, but not nearly enough, I don't think."

Kara leans over and kisses her cheek. "I didn't even feel you, by the way. Which is weird, because I sensed Alex like I never have before."

"The beauty of masking," Lena hums. "It's good for invisibility and getting a jump on your enemies. Or unsuspecting mates."

"I think I'm fine without the jumpscares," Kara says, leaning her head on Lena's shoulder.

"Why can't you sleep?" Lena asks softly. "Are you still worrying about - are you traumatized because Lillian—"

"No, no," Kara cuts her off. She honestly hadn't even thought of that since Lillian seemed like the lesser of two evils compared to Reign. "Remember I said I had a really bad dream when I was asleep in the forest?" Lena nods, and Kara takes a long breath before she says, "It was actually this like, super realistic encounter with someone named Reign. She said she controls this like, realm of dreams, and I have absolutely no idea if I was just having the most lucid dream of my life or if she was real, but going back to sleep terrifies me. I'm scared she'll be there again."

Lena doesn't respond right away, but Kara can feel her shoulder tensing underneath her head. She knows something's wrong even before she lifts up and sees the deep-set frown on Lena's face. "I'm going to fucking kill Sam," she says. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"That I dreamed about Sam in a costume with a face tattoo? I'm not sure."

"Reign isn't Sam in a costume," Lena says. "She's fucking evil incarnate, is what she is. Sam shouldn't have let her near you."

Kara freezes. She's not a big fan of having her worst nightmares confirmed. "You know Reign?"

"Who do you think helped Sam lock her away again after she got too drunk during orientation week and nearly let the devil inside of her kill me? She's fucking lucky I'm as strong as I am. I've never been so afraid in my life. That's why she owed me the fucking favor."

Kara audibly gasps. She wished she'd known that beforehand. "She really needs to learn to control that."

Lena shakes her head. "This wasn't an accident. I should have known something was up when she contacted me out of the blue and then volunteered to come into the faerie realm. I was just so preoccupied with—"

"No, stop," Kara says, turning to pull Lena into a hug. "You did great, okay? You're amazing. This is all on Sam."

"We're going to her tomorrow," Lena says, frowning again. "She owes us an explanation."

-

They show up at Sam's door barely ten minutes after the sun comes up, and Lena rings the bell no less than seventeen times. Sam looks both shocked and not very surprised at all when she finally opens for them. She's wearing an old gray t-shirt and a cardigan over black leggings. "I didn't think you'd pick the crack of dawn to do this," she says, "but sure, come in."

"I'm going to murder you," Lena says, in place of a greeting. "I just want to be upfront about that so we're on the same page."

"That's fine," Sam sighs, surprisingly unafraid of a not-so-idle threat. "Do you want to do that before or after I tell you what I know about Kara?"

"Me?" Kara asks, pointing at herself.

"Yes, you," Sam says, gesturing in front of her. "Now come the fuck inside, please. The sun is giving me a headache and I can barely sleep at night since whatever you said or did got Reign so riled up she's nearly breaking her containment."

"She really liked the way I smelled," Kara mumbles. "And she also was angry that I kept calling her Sam."

"That makes sense," Sam groans, and then she stares at them until Lena grumbles fine under her breath and shoulders past Sam inside the apartment. Kara follows after her, giving Sam an apologetic smile, and then they all head to the living area. Kara drops down on the sofa right next to Lena and Sam sinks down in the recliner to the left of them. "I never would have done it without a good reason," she opens with. "Introduce you to Reign, I mean. I don't like faeries much, and for good reason, too, but I'm not into the whole torture and kill thing like she is."

"How do you even know Kara?" Lena asks.

"I don't," Sam says. "Not really. I was just hired to do a job."

"To terrorize me?" Kara asks.

"To kill you," Sam says, and there's nothing about her face or posture indicating she's joking. "I was hired to be an executioner, but only if it came to that. I was there when you were put to sleep, and that wasn't a coincidence. I was told to be there."

"You put a sigil over my rune?" Kara asks, remembering what Reign told her in the dream.

"I did," Sam admits. "Also part of the job."

"From the beginning," Lena says, and Kara reaches over to put a hand on her thigh because her jaw is clenching so hard. She doesn't expect Lena to practically melt when she turns to look at her. "I'm trying really hard to be patient right now."

"I know," Kara smiles. "But you're strong, and so is Reign, and so am I, so. Nothing good would come from us fighting."

"It'd be a fucking bloodbath," Sam sighs, leaning forward in her chair as she rests her arms on her thighs. "I'll tell it to you from my beginning, but I only know what the Raven told me. The rest you'll have to figure out yourself."

"Did the Raven hire you to kill Kara?" Lena asks slowly.

"More or less," Sam answers.

"But that doesn't make sense. Kara's met the Raven before," Lena says. "She has to have if her memories were erased. If the Raven was concerned she'd still be a threat even after her memories were gone, it doesn't make sense she wouldn't just—"

"Kill Kara while she had the chance?" Sam asks. "Yeah, that's what I said when she first brought me down. But, as it turns out, the Raven had a very particular soft spot for Kara, because Kara's mom is a fucking enforcer." Kara looks at Lena confused, before she looks back to Sam and tilts her head. Sam's eyes go wide when she asks, "Shit, she really took that much away? I didn't think she would go that far with someone. I know she has to protect the realm or whatever, but that's - it's your mom."

Lena clears her throat and shifts closer to Kara on the sofa, conveniently cutting into the split second Kara let herself feel sad about that. She'll find her mom one day. She knows she will. She has to. "Guardians aren't allowed to leave the faerie realm," Lena explains. "They're tasked with protecting the realm from threats that enter it, but every once in a while something outside the realm has the potential to do major damage inside. It's why they take on enforcers, or beings who act as an extension of their magic and aren't confined to one realm."

"So, sometimes my mom is here?"

"I guess, yeah, if there's ever anything that warrants it. But enforcers are like, magically married to the job. I don't think she'd ever break protocol and come to find you or something," Lena says with a soft frown. "But, we'll find her. I promise we will."

"I didn't know she erased your mom," Sam says apologetically. "But it puts some things into perspective, I guess. The Raven said something didn't sit right with her with the way Alura left things after she did your memory wipe. She said Alura was really upset, obsessed with getting more than just your source connection and a little bit of magic back. She wanted all of your magic, not just a tiny fraction of it. The Raven was content with Lena just being able to find you, though, maybe sharing her magic with you without you ever having much of your own."

Kara feels her skin go cold. "I wasn't supposed to get my magic back?"

Sam shakes her head. "I don't think so. Alura used a very old form of dark magic to bring you back to life. All dark magic is sacrificial, but the older magic, chaos magic, specifically requires the sacrifice of source magic - or rather, faeries - in return for anything it gives. It's why someone had to die for you to live, for you to get your connection back and some of your source magic. But your mom's an enforcer, so you had Guardian magic inside of you, too. And it would have taken a hell of a lot more than one dead faerie to bring back Guardian magic."

"Is that why the Raven found you? To stop it from happening."

"Sort of," Sam says. "It wasn't so much the idea of you having magic, but the way Alura was doing it. Alura had been silent for decades, when suddenly she started to appear all over the human realm, in an obvious attempt to lure out Lillian, to lure out dark fae. The Raven knew something was up by the way dark fae were flooding out of the realm, but she was confined like Lena said. Normally she would send your mom, but it felt too personal. Alura is your mom's sister and you're her daughter, so. She figured I'd be the next best option."

"Why you?" Kara asks.

"Because Reign was also born from chaos magic," Lena says. "It's the same magic that got witches banned from the faerie realm."

"Yeah," Sam hums. "She wanted to fight fire with fire. She figured Alura was making a play to get your magic back, but she was terrified of something like Reign ending up inside someone like you who also has Guardian magic. You'd be strong enough to end the world all by yourself."

"Exactly how many dead fae would it take to bring Kara's magic back?" Lena asks.

Something hits Kara, then. She remembers the first time they entered the forest when Lena told her Alura never killed any humans, that it was all fabricated in the media, and what she'd really done was kill hundreds of dark fae after they flooded the human realm. "I don't know," Sam says grimly. "It probably didn't require as many as Alura killed, but I think she suspected it would come to that. Alura locked Kara in a chamber away from all of it, then did what she had to do, and sacrificed herself to Lillian when she was done."

Kara feels frozen. It's like the room is spinning around her. "What do you mean sacrificed?"

Sam quirks an eyebrow. "Alura was channeling chaos magic and she'd just killed hundreds of faeries. There's no universe in which Lillian's able to come within a hundred miles of her without being obliterated. I think Alura knew she'd reached a point of no return and needed to put herself down before she did more damage. I also think—" Sam pauses for a moment, searching Kara's eyes like she's desperately looking for something. "You met Reign," she finally says. "You felt how scared she made you feel, terrified, and she's just a fraction of the magic Alura must have had running through her by the time she found Lillian. I think whatever Lillian felt when she was in the same room as Alura has her terrified enough to still be on a crusade to eradicate vampires decades later. I'm pretty sure she thinks Alura is what the devil has nightmares about."

"But, why not just kill Kara?" Lena asks again, voice barely a whisper. "There was a long time between Alura dying and Kara getting her magic back. With the way Alura went out - the Raven was risking so much. It doesn't make sense she wouldn't send you in early."

"The Raven saved her mom," Sam says, looking sympathetic when she looks at Kara, and then her face really drops when it hits her that Kara knows absolutely nothing about that, either. "Your mom was kidnapped by vampires," she slowly starts to explain. "She was basically passed around as a juice box before she made a crazy escape back to the faerie realm and got pulled down by the Raven for protection. The Raven really didn't want you to die. She just wanted you to be happy and live your life." Kara remembers Alura telling her the same thing in the book, but she can't help feeling like maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe it was just okay that she died. "Even so, she wasn't risking that much. She told me if you met Reign and Reign felt familiar to you, or calming, or if you had any semblance of an affinity to her, to chaos magic, to kill you right then and there. But she was willing to give you that chance. She's a Guardian, but she's not heartless."

Lena rests her hand on the back of Kara's and Kara just now realizes she's gripping her thigh, probably even hard enough to bruise. She starts to pull it away, but Lena just holds on to it, lacing their fingers together. "Did they know each other before all of this? Lillian and Alura," Lena asks. "We know Alura volunteered to kill Kara when Lillian found out we were predetermined. Before she knew they were related."

"We don't really know what their relationship was or why they seemed to hate each other so deadly and intensely," Sam says. "The only thing the Raven knew for sure was that Lillian didn't show up to Krypton to kill Kara. She showed up to kill Alura. Kara fought Lillian to protect Alura, and died to protect you. It's what Alura was torn up about when she met the Raven. She got her sister's kid killed, you know? Kara was apparently catatonic, too, like full-on fucking traumatized about the whole thing."

That's probably what Alura was adamant about Kara seeing in the book. She wanted to show Kara that Kara didn't hesitate to fight for her, didn't hesitate to die for Lena. She probably knew Kara would find out eventually what Alura did for her magic, and she needed Kara to see why she'd go that far to give her that last piece of herself, her happiness. Kara understands that, and even gets why Alura did what she did, but her stomach keeps churning at the rising body count around her. Even if it wasn't her fault, it was all still because of her, for her.

"Whatever was happening between them," Sam goes on, "it had to be something big, and you two being predetermined is what stopped it." She looks at Lena when she says the next part. "This is what I keep trying to tell you about source magic. It has a mind of its own just as much as my magic does. There's no chance Alura's niece gets randomly linked to Lillian's adoptive daughter. You and Kara share a source connection because you needed to share a connection to stop whatever they were planning together. You two being connected pulled them apart."

"Maybe," Lena says. "But, at least source magic isn't killing to get what it wants."

"You really think so?" Sam asks. "Do you really think it's random your mom died when she did, that you ended up with Lillian when you did? Lionel was bonded to Lillian and he stepped out on his mate. Why did his magic let him do that? With someone who was light fae, no less. He had a kid and then hid you away so deep in the faerie realm that Kara didn't even realize she was predetermined until she was an adult when it was convenient for you to show up. You two weren't even the same age anymore because of the time difference of you growing up so deep inside the realm. How does that make sense for you being together? The source didn't care about you."

"Shut up," Lena snaps. "Shut the fuck up."

"The source used you and it used Kara the second it felt threatened. I'm not saying don't trust your magic, but don't be dumb." She's breathing hard and she looks impossibly angry, but she also looks like she cares, genuinely. "Faeries are walking a really dangerous line by trusting their magic blindly, and I don't know why you can't see that. Your magic hates my magic, and my magic hates your magic, but guess what? I don't hate you. You're my friend. I love you. I want you to be happy. And that should tell you that you can't trust everything your magic makes you hate."

"So what?" Lena asks, and her voice sounds thick. "Do you want me to lock my magic away like you did Reign?"

"No," Sam says gently, lowering her voice like she's trying to calm them both down. Kara can tell this isn't a new conversation. "Reign is an extreme example, and besides - I've been working on it. It's why I haven't gotten much sleep recently. I've been trying to like, hear her out or bond with her, coexist better, I don't know. I'm just saying ask more questions, alright?"

"Fucking witches," Lena mumbles as a tear falls down her cheek. She wipes it away and sniffs. "Yeah, alright. Yeah. I'll ask more questions," she concedes, then adds, "And you could have said something, alright? You didn't have to leave us in the dark for so long."

Sam lets out a long, frustrated sigh at that, lifting her hand to run it over her face. She looks even more tired than before when she glances up again, eyes glued to Lena. "Do you think I'd risk crossing someone who can completely erase who I am? No offense," she says, looking at Kara. "But, I'd like to keep my memory intact as best I can. I've spent a lot of long years learning a lot of really cool things."

"Sure, whatever," Lena shrugs, squeezing Kara's fingers. "What do you know about Catherine Grant?"

"She's an elder faerie," Sam tells them. "She's also the only way to get access to the Raven without the Raven pulling you down herself, but she's... she's not really that nice. And she's notoriously hard to impress, both in and out of the faerie realm. I'll say this as fair warning: if you try going through her to get to the Raven, it'll take at least a year for her to like... even remember your name. But she's also—" Sam takes in a breath. "She's the reason people think Alura killed humans. She's the reason the Peace Accords happened. She used CatCo to spin a story of both fear and change. She made everyone think Alura was pushed to acting the way she did, when Alura's actions had nothing to do with peace, and she honestly probably couldn't care less about human-vampire relationships."

Kara feels shocked by that. "She protected vampires even after Alura killed that many fae?"

"Cat Grant knows a lot more than everyone thinks she does. She's always ten steps ahead. Remember that when you meet her."

"Right," Lena huffs, sucking in a deep breath as she pulls Kara's hand against her belly. She's had enough. "Thanks for - thanks for letting us know all of that, I guess. It helps out a bunch, but. Kara needs to eat, so."

Lena tilts her head toward the door and Sam nods. "Call me if you have questions," she says quietly, defeated. "I know you've pieced together by now that I became your friend to stay close to Kara, but I really do care about you. I'm willing to take the time to prove that."

"Maybe," Lena says. "I'll think about it."

Sam nods again, and then Lena pulls Kara up to lead them out of the apartment.

 

 

Chapter 15

Notes:

decided to split the last part into a few chapters instead of posting like, a 40k chapter lol. i'll probably do some continuity editing once this story is fully done, so if you see something off, you didn't. or, you could let me know lol. hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

"I'm surprised you didn't maul her," Kara says. They're back inside their apartment now. Kara's lying on the living room floor staring at the ceiling, and Lena's on the sofa with her head tilted back and her eyes closed.

"I'm pretty sure your magic was anchoring me somehow, like I wasn't as reactive as I normally am."

"That might be a good thing," Kara comments, then adds, "Not that I don't love when you're unhinged, but. You know. Calm is nice."

"I'm still going to kill her," Lena says, tense. "Once we're actually bonded it'd be a good time to start setting some examples."

Kara waits for Lena to talk herself out of that or admit she doesn't mean it, or do anything, really, to indicate that she isn't considering violent outcomes for their future. But even Kara's magic feels on edge with the statement, so she figures the backtracking won't come.

"Lena," she says, twisting her head so she can look up at her on the sofa. 

"Yeah?"

"I don't... I don't think you should do that," she tells her very softly. "I mean. Not that it really matters what I think."

It's an obvious set up, but Lena takes the bait, anyway. "It does matter," she says stubbornly.

Kara reaches over to gently wrap her fingers around Lena's ankle. "Okay, well. I don't think setting examples is really our thing."

"It could be." Lena opens her eyes and drops her head to look at Kara, extending her leg to press into Kara's hand.

"Yeah." Kara taps her finger against Lena's ankle. "But you're not actually going to kill her, right?"

"I want to. She deserves it, too."

Kara chews on the side of her lip. "Yeah, but. You're not."

Kara knows she has a point. Lena folds her arms across her chest. "No. I'm not."

"Right," Kara says. "So. Best case scenario, you just do something that annoys Reign. It doesn't get us anywhere."

"She won't try any shit like that again," Lena says. Kara can see her clenching her jaw, so she does her best to stay calm next to her.

"Maybe."

"No, she won't. I'll make her promise not to. That's the whole point of setting an example." Lena nudges into Kara's hand with her ankle. "She doesn't get to lie to me and show up with the intent to kill you. The Raven doesn't get to just..." she cuts off and digs her fingers into her arms where she has them crossed. "They can't keep doing this to us. We have to start drawing lines."

Kara knew, on some level, that Lena was going to be affected by Sam's comments about source magic.  She doesn't know if either one of them has it in them, though, to handle a complete breakdown after exhausting so much energy. So, she pulls her mouth into a slight smile and tries her best to keep the conversation light. "Okay. And I... really appreciate that. I love that you care so much about making things right for me. I know you just want things to be better, but I think this might make it worse. Besides, Sam was just doing a job. This isn't about her."

"Like hell it's not."

"It's not," Kara says, as carefully as she can manage. "I think you're more upset that you keep underestimating how awful Lillian is willing to be towards us. I also think you realize there may be some truth to what Sam said about magic, and that's a lot, right? You're coming to terms with a harsh reality about a lot of things you thought you knew for sure. I don't think attacking Sam is the answer."

Lena's entire body tenses up, and Kara goes still next to her. She expects Lena to be angry or maybe even lash out - god knows she deserves to after the last few weeks - but, she doesn't. She just says, "I know it's not. But it's something."

"I'm not sure if you know this, but a couple weeks ago I had to watch myself die to save a person who would kill me in a heartbeat," Kara says, and Lena rolls her eyes, but she sighs agreeably. Kara smiles at her, then says more seriously, "I don't know if anything can ever make what happened to me feel any better. Like, I don't know if there's something I can do that takes it away or fixes it or makes it right. But I get it. I get that you want to act right now, because not acting feels like hell. I get it, but... it won't change anything."

Lena loosens the grip she has on her arms and lets her hands relax into her lap. "I don't think hurting Sam is the right thing to do," she gives in, making a point to look at Kara. "And I do care about doing this right. We're better than people who hurt others just to get what they want. I don't want to be sucked into using the same tactics as Lillian."

Kara squeezes her ankle one last time and then sits up on the floor. "Good," she says. She's proud of Lena, and relieved it was easy enough to talk her down from that. She must be even more exhausted than she's letting on. Which makes sense, honestly. Both that she's exhausted, and that she's hiding the extent of it from Kara. Kara can't imagine what the last few weeks must have felt like, but she can try to make up for it. "It's not the same as killing Sam," she tries, "but if you want, I could cuddle you. It might make you feel better."

"You should already be cuddling me," Lena says. Which isn't wrong. Kara isn't sure why she's on the floor.

She rectifies the situation immediately and climbs onto the sofa. But it ends up being her who gets pulled in by Lena and smothered with the most affectionate hug. They topple backward on the sofa so Kara's lying on top of Lena with her smile pressed into Lena's hair.

And sure, alright. This is easy, it's always been easy, so she doesn't know why she keeps questioning it. It's starting to click for her, for the first time, that maybe there isn't a problem. Maybe there's just something deep inside herself that she hasn't come to terms with yet and she's been projecting it this entire time. Which also means Alex was correct about what she said last night. She should talk to Lena about it.

"Lena," Kara says then.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm ashamed of being a vampire?"

Lena spreads the fingers of one hand over her side, and her magic feels so calming that Kara understands how it could be an anchor. It's anchoring her right now.  "I don't think you like it," Lena says slowly. "I mean. I always thought that was what your beef with Alex was about. You were mad she wasn't satisfied just fitting in with humans. Mad that she wanted more."

That's a decent point to be made. Kara never thought about it that way. "Maybe," she says. "I don't think I ever considered why I was so upset that Alex wanted me to do something with the fact that I'm Alura's progeny. I kept telling myself I just wanted to live my life, just have a normal after being in a crappy situation for so long, but. There was probably more to it. I think you're right."

"You do?"

"Yeah, there's definitely more to it," she says. "I think it's important to recognize that."

Lena nudges her so Kara lifts her head to look in her eyes. "What's prompting this? What made you bring it up?"

It feels harder to talk when Lena's looking at her, but it's important. "I guess it's just. Alex said I hate myself, so I judge you for liking me."

"That's... deep," Lena says, hesitantly. "Did you talk about that last night?"

"Yeah."

"Are we actually talking about this right now, or..."

"No, no, it's not the best time," Kara decides, and they settle in next to each other, lying in each others' arms. "I just thought about it, and I think, maybe, I have some stuff I need to work on. So, I can be better. For you."

"We both do," Lena agrees, but Kara can tell she's too tired to continue this conversation.

"Yeah, true," she says, and drops it for now. "Do you want to watch a movie instead of talking about this?"

"A scary movie?"

Kara laughs at that. "You do realize you no longer need an excuse to cuddle me. You can just do it because you can."

Lena rolls her eyes, always stubborn. "Maybe I just like horror movies and it's not about cuddling."

"Sure, then," Kara gives in.

So that's how they end up snuggled on the sofa an hour later, halfway into watching something gory on Netflix. Lena hasn't made any other threats about killing anyone since they started watching, but she's also asleep. So as far as everything goes, Kara thinks they're in a pretty good place given all the shit they've had to deal with lately. 

The apartment gets darker as the movie goes on, a snowstorm brewing outside. Kara's just starting to nod off herself when she's startled awake by a loud sound. Instantly, she feels her magic flaring before she can even think what it is, and then she sees two silhouettes coming through the front door. Sees them and actually processes that she knows who they are. It's Alex and Nia, holding things in their hands. They shut the door behind them, lock it, and then just stand there, staring at Kara and not saying anything.

"Hey," Kara scratches out. She pulls herself up so she's sitting and rubs the haze from her eyes. "Did you just let yourself into our apartment? That has to be illegal." Her magic is calming down a little, enough for her to think straight. Lena is somehow still asleep next to her.

"Um," Nia says. She's carrying three large leather notebooks. She looks between Lena and Kara and then back at the door like she's thinking about going out again. Alex kicks her leg with the side of her boot and laughs under her breath, and that seems to snap her out of it. "Sorry, Lena gave us the key in case -" she cuts off. "We didn't just come in, we knocked three times. If that makes it better."

Kara didn't hear any knocking, but then again - she has been pretty out of it. Just to make sure, though, she asks, "You're not Lillian, are you? Because if you are, I don't think I have it in me to do this dream thing again."

"That's offensive," Nia scoffs, and then she walks over to sit on the floor in front of the coffee table.

Alex full laughs this time, loud enough to make Lena stir, but still not enough to wake her. "I didn't think Alura's progeny could offend you."

"I mean, objectively," Nia says. "Calling me the oppressor is offensive, right?"

"I didn't mean it that way," Kara points out. She turns the volume on the TV down as Alex gets the light.

"I don't idolize you, by the way," Nia lets her know. "I just think you're like, this beacon of hope for vampires. I idolize what you stand for."

"Slight difference," Alex says obnoxiously, walking over with her hand outstretched in an obvious attempt to scare Lena awake. Kara glares at her, and she's shocked to feel the full weight of her magic behind her stare, too. Alex must sense it as well since she pulls her hand away with more urgency than she usually would. "Sorry, sorry. I won't touch your wife. I was only messing around."

"Let her sleep," Kara sighs. "We had a long morning."

"In a good way?"

"I wish," Kara says, falling back against the sofa. Alex sets the bag she's holding on the coffee table and squishes in next to her. "We had an encounter with a witch that apparently needed to happen the second the sun started to rise."

"Can witches only be talked to at sunrise?" Nia asks, not missing a beat.

Kara lifts her head slightly to raise an eyebrow in her direction, and Alex explains, "She's making a bestiary."

"Ah, I see," Kara says, as if that makes sense. She's too tired to do anything other than play along, though. "No, we can definitely talk to them at other times. Lena was just particularly angry and spent the night stewing."

"Do fae not like witches?" Nia follows up with.

"I think it's complicated," Kara says. "But short answer - I don't think fae really like any creatures other than themselves."

"Fascinating," Nia mumbles, opening one of her leather notebooks and scribbling in it.

"Why did you need to talk to a witch?" Alex asks, getting them back on topic.

"Sam tried to kill me in the faerie realm while I was asleep. It was apparently the whole reason she volunteered to be there."

"Sam?" Alex asks immediately.

"Yep."

"Holy shit," Nia gasps. "I've always disliked her for some reason. She gives me weird vibes."

"She has three moms that are apparently into super messed-up magic."

"That's... intense," Nia comments. Kara gives her credit for sounding more intrigued than she does confused.

Alex shakes her head and tosses her hands up. "I have no idea what's going on anymore."

"We're discussing witches," Nia answers, and Kara laughs at that for some reason. "Did you find out anything else interesting? For the bestiary," she adds, as if it's not already obvious. "I'm shocked none of this has been written anywhere before this."

"It probably has at some point." Kara thinks about all the books Alura used to have in what she can remember of Krypton, everything that burned. The whole thing just makes her feel tired, both thinking about the past and the idea of having to explain the shit Sam told them to Alex and Nia. She knows she should probably clue them both in, but she finds herself deflecting instead. "I think we should wait until Lena wakes up to get into the witch thing," she decides. "But I think I remember you mentioning you had a theory?"

Nia looks at Alex instead of answering. "I still think it's ridiculous," Alex says. She sighs, tilts her head, then waves her hand in the air. "But if you really think there's something to it, I don't see the harm in putting it on the table."

"I don't know, it could be dumb." Nia taps her fingers on her notebook, chews her lip for a bit. "I felt really sure about it until like, basically right this second. It's one thing to postulate a wild idea to Alex, but it's different saying it to Alura's progeny."

"I'm not really her progeny if we're being technical." Kara doesn't want to explain what that means just yet, so she deflects again before Nia can start rapid-firing questions for the bestiary. "Just putting that out there as it not being a limiting factor. Let's hear the theory."

"It feels like you don't want me to ask questions," Nia observes correctly. Although Kara gets the feeling a correct observation with Nia won't amount to her abiding by it. "But I do have one I'd still like to ask. It's also relevant to the theory if that helps."

"Sure. What do you have for me?"

"This might sound weird," Nia says carefully, "but were any of the Daughters actually Alura's progeny?" The question catches Kara off guard. Her facial expression must say as much. It also seems to confirm whatever answer Nia was looking for, because she sighs out a breath and looks at Alex, tilting her head. "I told you. They were never introducing themselves as progeny."

Kara clears her throat to pull Nia's attention back to her. "What do you mean?"

Nia looks like she's searching for words, so Alex jumps in and explains, "Nia believes the Daughters never introduced themselves as Alura's progeny, and therefore Alura's name isn't actually... Alura."

Oh. That's... confusing.  "Interesting," Kara says. Alex drops her face in her hands.

"She's not explaining it correctly," Nia groans. She digs the backs of her thumbs in her eyes, frustrated, then she drops her hands. "I mean. That's the beginning and end of it, but there are a lot of dots that connect it along the way. I've spent the last few weeks translating and retranslating this book we found, and it - like - if you think about it... It makes sense."

"Maybe," Alex sighs. "But how do you even know you translated it correctly?"

Nia shrugs. "I don't know, I just. I think I'm right."

She could be right, if Kara's being honest with herself. She doesn't have the memory to argue this either way. "Lena has a language rune on her wrist. She could probably translate and check to see if yours is correct."

Alex perks up next to her. "Do we get to wake sleeping beauty now?"

"No, you stay away from her." Kara runs her hand along Lena's thigh and still doesn't get a reaction. This is probably the most exhausted she's seen Lena since she met her. "I'm surprised she's still asleep, though. Normally a change in my breathing is enough to wake her up."

"That's also a little... intense," Nia whispers.

"This is why I tell you love is overrated," Alex says.

"What? What are you even teaching her?" Kara asks, annoyed. "And aren't you already in love with the new girl you're dating?"

"Wait, I thought you said you were taking it slow with Kelly?" Nia asks.

Kara snaps her head towards Alex. "Kelly? As in James' sister, Kelly? As in the sister of my best friend, Kelly? That Kelly?"

"Yes," Alex says. "Now wake up Lena before I decide it's a good idea to strangle both of you."

"Why didn't you tell me it was her?"

"Because I didn't want to deal with this," Alex gestures. "Besides, I think we should worry about your struggles, not talk about my triumphs."

"I'm totally going to tell Kelly you called her a triumph," Kara says, mostly just to be a little shit.

It only takes Alex raising her voice the most miniscule amount. "Lena," she says with intention, and Lena blinks her eyes open.

"Yeah," she says right away, and then her brain catches up and she lifts herself up on the sofa so she's sitting next to Kara. "Oh. Alex, Nia. Hi."

"Tell your girlfriend that I can still throw her through a wall," Alex says to Lena. "Even with the cute little faerie magic she has now."

"Kara, she can still throw you through a wall," Lena says without hesitation. "Why are we having a party right now?"

"They showed up without invitation." Kara squeezes Lena's thigh to help ease her awake.

"It was very un-vampire of us," Nia admits, and that makes Kara exhale a small laugh. It's surprisingly hard not to like Nia.

"Why are we throwing Kara through a wall?" Lena asks. She shifts to sit up straighter but stays pressed to Kara's side.

"We're only threatening to at the moment," Alex answers. It's weird how gentle her voice gets when she talks to Lena, but Kara knows how to take a win when she's handed one. "But we woke you because we need you to translate something. Kara said you have a rune."

"I do have a rune. What are we translating?"

"We're translating this book that I like. Came across," Nia says.

"Came across?" Alex asks, with an innocent little eyebrow raise. But Kara has learned to fear that expression over the years.

Nia has too, apparently. "It's objectively a book that I came across," Nia emphasizes, annoyed, which feels ostensibly correct, though Kara suspects there's something more to it. Alex could be fucking with Nia. Or where she got it from could be important.

"Do I need to know?" Kara asks.

Nia sighs. "She's just giving me shit because I stole it." There's a slight pause. "From the Smithsonian."

"Oh." That's only concerning in one scenario. Kara tries to keep calm. "Please tell me it's not the Book of Lilith."

"God no I'm not an idiot," Nia says all in one breath. "I didn't even take it from an exhibit. They had it tucked in the archives somewhere."

"How'd you even know about it?" Kara asks.

"I have a boyfriend," Nia says, and it doesn't look like she's going to elaborate much from there.

"He's kind of weird," Alex supplies. "But he's pretty smart and useful. Mostly. I don't think you have to worry about the SWAT team showing up."

"I'd just turn myself in at this point," Kara says. Lena squeezes her arm because it's probably only obvious to her that Kara isn't joking. Sure, yes. She wants to keep fighting all of this. But also. She's getting tired of being piled on. "What's the book?"

"It's the original journal of Wyatt Atwood."

Oh. Kara hasn't heard that name in ages, not since her freshman year in vamp history. "Alura's first sighting?"

Nia nods and starts unzipping the bag Alex placed on the table. "I was reading a translation I found in the magic shop, but I started thinking about how I learned in history class that sometimes things get translated incorrectly, and everyone just keeps referencing it, so. I don't know, I just got it in my head that I needed to get my hands on the actual source of the material."

Right. That makes her earlier statement make a little more sense. "That's where he said the Daughters introduced themselves as Alura's progeny? And you're saying that's not what they introduced themselves as?" Which would also make sense, given that they weren't actually Alura's progeny. Kara's at least certain of that, but she's missing the connection with the name.

Nia carefully pulls an old box from the bag, nodding her head. "Yeah, so. Basically, they visit his village, and in the translation, it says Alura just stood back while the Daughters talked with the villagers, and they kept saying they were born from Alura, right?"

"Right," Kara confirms.

"But they weren't saying born from Alura," Nia emphasizes. She opens the box and very, very carefully removes an old, leather journal. "In his actual writing, if you translate it correctly, he's saying they were telling the villagers they were..." she pauses a second, chews her lip. She's still second guessing her translation. "I'm fairly sure what he wrote more closely translates to risen in honor of Alura. Which is why I don't think Alura is the name of their Maker. I think they were referring to some sort of other world being, or martyr, or like..."

"A deity?" Alex guesses. Kara feels like she can't breathe. Alura said they used the book after her Mom went missing. It would make sense. It would make so much sense. But she can't say it out loud for some reason. She can't get her mouth to start working again. "It could also be an old-time vamp thing, but Eliza said she's never heard someone introduce their maker that way."

Kara can feel Lena squeezing her thigh, which means she must be thinking it, too, so. Kara sinks her teeth into her lip and waits for Lena to say something. But then it occurs to her that Lena's giving her the space to say it herself. "Actually," Kara starts, and stops, and then she looks at Lena like a lifeline. Lena nods at her, encouragingly. "So. I think it might be my Mom," she finally says. "Alura could be my Mom's name."

Both Alex and Nia look confused. Understandably. So. The only reasonable course of action is to explain everything to them. Kara takes her time to go through what happened in the book. And then her encounter with Reign. And then all the shit Sam said about the Raven and magic. And then Lena uses her rune to check Nia's translation, which only confirms that Nia was right. They weren't saying born from Alura.

It feels like a clusterfuck. "I don't get why she wouldn't tell me. Even in the book, she talked about my Mom and didn't say anything."

Nia looks between Kara and Lena expectantly, most likely waiting for an explanation she can put in her bestiary. Kara can't think of a single reason for keeping her in the dark outside of torturing her on purpose, but Lena thinks otherwise. "Alura probably couldn't say anything," she says. "If the Raven went through the trouble of erasing your Mom, it would have been for nothing if Alura could decide at any point in time that she wanted to give you the information, anyway. She was most likely bound to silence. Even in the book."

"Oh!" Nia's face lights up. "That could be why she never corrected it to the public, then. If she couldn't tell you about your Mom, she could use the fact that the entire world thought her name was Alura to her advantage. She told you without telling you. She totally played the system."

"I hate this," Kara thinks, and then she realizes she actually said that out loud. Everyone looks at her. She can feel a migraine building behind her eyes with the frustration. She needs to eat, probably. And she definitely needs to sleep. She also just needs a break from talking about this. "I think I might be hungry," she decides. "Lena said we're stocked up on blood if you want to stay and eat, too."

Alex and Nia do stay to eat. Everyone gathers in the tiny kitchen, and they awkwardly try to avoid talking about anything that feels too overwhelming. Which, surprisingly, doesn't leave much else since Lena and Kara no longer have lives outside of being stressed.

"Is there a reason why half the fridge is stacked with casseroles?" Kara asks. There's blood in there, too. Lots of it.

Alex clears her throat and looks at her shoes. "The Coalition doesn't really know how much a faerie eats. But they wanted to support Lena. So."

"The Coalition?" Kara asks, with half a smile.

Alex rolls her eyes and sticks her hands in her pockets. "This is why I don't do stuff like this."

Lena moves away from Kara and walks over so she can knock shoulders with Alex, and it's weird all over again. How easily Alex drops her pout and loosens up when Lena's close to her. "Alex is like..." Lena starts and then she heaves a deep sigh, and Alex smiles at her so fondly. "She's actually pretty okay. Now that we're talking. She's like. Cool, and I dunno. Funny. Sometimes. So, we should all just. Get along. I think."

Kara laughs at that and grabs the first casserole she sees from the fridge, shuts the door. "How much did she pay you to say that?"

She can feel Alex frowning at her even with her back turned. She sets the Tupperware on the counter, grabs a fork from the drawer, and pulls the lid off. There's sweet potatoes and marshmallows topped with glazed pecans inside. It smells absolutely delicious.

"I told you she's the mean one," Alex says.

Kara scoffs at that, and then she dips the fork in the casserole and pops it in her mouth without really thinking about it. It tastes even better than it smells. Sweet and fluffy, and then there's the crunch from the pecans. It's fucking amazing. She takes another bite and then another. And she somehow makes it halfway through the Tupperware before she feels Lena's hand wrap around her bicep.

"Not sure you realize that you're shoveling cold sweet potatoes into your mouth at lightspeed."

"They just. Taste good?" Kara says. Which is weird. It's definitely weird. She usually only salivates over the smell of blood.

"Doesn't human food make us regurgitate... violently?" Nia asks, hesitant.

"In theory," Alex says. "It might be a good idea for you to stand over the sink, Kara. And for everyone else take a step away from her."

"Right," Kara says. She shifts and stands over the sink just in case.

Then, nothing happens.

Several minutes pass of them just waiting. "Alright, well. I need to get the Bestiary," Nia declares.

"Weird," Alex says. "Is it because you're an actual faerie now?"

Everyone looks at Lena at the same time, but Lena just shrugs. She's still looking at Kara, eyes wide. "I don't know. I've never met a hybrid before, so. This is... new territory. But you should probably stop," she suggests. "Maybe just stick with blood."

Kara doesn't want to stop. She wants to eat everything in the refrigerator. "I'm like. Really hungry. It didn't hit me fully until I smelled the sweet potatoes, but I could probably go through that entire refrigerator in a day."

"The blood?"

"And the food," Kara says. "Both. I don't know if I can stop on my own once I start. I feel like a vacuum."

"There's also banana bread and frozen hashbrowns in the freezer," Alex says.

Kara turns towards Alex and meets her eyes. She looks worried. She's being a good big sister, Kara realizes. Which is sort of huge for Alex because Kara isn't her sister in any real technical sense, and she grew up in a time where vampires thought it wasn't cool to show emotion. But she's showing up for Kara every single day, even when showing up for Kara means she needs to show up for Lena.

Maybe Kara has been the mean one.

"Thank you," she says suddenly, directed at Alex. "This has all been confusing. And weird. But you keep stepping up."

"Yeah," Alex says, awkwardly. "Um." She sticks her hands in her pockets again and turns to walk away. "I'll help Nia with the Bestiary."

Kara looks back at Lena, who is still just staring at her. She might be in shock. "We're way too tired for any of this. I can hear my brain melting."

"I think I left mine on the sofa," Lena says.

"We need sleep."

"I'm sorry," Lena says. "For waking us up so early. I should have let you rest, but. I got in my head."

"I'm always in my head," Kara points out.

Lena smiles at her. "It'll be good to snuggle in bed after being in the forest so long."

Nia and Alex both start walking toward them then. It's obvious they were listening in, but Kara doesn't blame them. "We should probably head out," Alex says. "But first we might want to plan next steps? I think it's a good idea for you to set up a meeting with Cat Grant."

"Sure," Kara says, then to Alex in particular, "Sorry I shut down when it felt like we were getting somewhere."

"Don't be," Alex says. "You have every right. After everything."

"I don't know. I think I'm trying to make this less about my feelings like you said. They're pointless. When it comes to this."

"They're not," Lena says, soft. She's trying not to make this a fight. A big deal. "Pointless. But it doesn't matter. They don't need to have a point."

Kara runs her hand through her fringe. "No," she says. "I mean, yes, but. I have to keep my head clear. To plan."

"No," Alex says. She's standing tall with her arms crossed. She looks so sturdy. "You're safe right now. You don't have to do anything."

The kitchen feels so still, the air stagnant. "I do," Kara says miserably. "You were right when you said being Alura's progeny has responsibilities. I have to make sure things get fixed, and if I don't you can get hurt. All of you."

"Maybe," Alex says. "But most likely not tonight."

"You can have all the feelings you want," Lena agrees. 

Kara knows there's something to this, but it's hard not to compartmentalize. She needs to be open with Lena, and more vulnerable with Alex, but she has to be strong when it comes to actually figuring this out. She can't let her emotions seep into the part where they need to save lives. "No, I can't," she says, straightening up as she turns to face Lena. "Too many feelings could lead to losing control."

"Then lose control," Alex says. "It's alright."

"I have magic now. I'm even stronger than I was before..." Kara clenches and unclenches her fists. "I don't know. Sometimes I want to lash out. And sometimes I just want to feel sorry for myself. But that feels stupid because all of this was for me, and I'm just. Pathetic. I'm scared and confused. And I don't know what's going on most of the time. And every time I try to figure things out, I do it wrong, and I'm. I'm so tired."

"I feel that way, too," Lena says. She scoops Kara into a hug and holds her body so tight that Kara... relaxes. "Let's just be scared and confused and tired tonight, and in the morning we can think of a plan. Both are okay."

Kara hugs Lena back, pressing her face into Lena's hair. "I just want to do things right."

"You can only do that by doing things wrong," Alex says. "Most times at least. Unless you get lucky."

Kara lifts her head to look at Alex, but she keeps hugging Lena. "It doesn't feel like luck is something that likes to visit me."

Alex cuts her eyes to Lena, then looks back to Kara. She doesn't need to say anything to make her point. "Call us if something big comes up," she says. "I'm guessing Nia won't sleep until she figures out what Alura's actual name was."

"You have a lot of feelings, and I think that's okay," Nia says, and something untangles in Kara's heart with that. She really likes Nia.

Lena eats half of what's left of the sweet potato casserole once Alex and Nia leave. After she heats it, of course. Kara sticks to blood, but the food smells even better once it's warm. Which still feels weird, so Lena's probably right they should be cautious.

They head to bed when they're done eating. Kara rests her head on Lena's chest because she wants to be held. She doesn't want to feel like she's in charge of anything or make decisions. She wants to feel small and protected. Lena seems to get that, too. She wraps her arms around Kara and lets her settle in. "We'll figure out the plan tomorrow," Kara says.

"We will," Lena says. "I promise."

"I love you," Kara says. "I said I don't get lucky, but I shouldn't have. I'm lucky I have you."

"I knew what you meant," Lena tells her, working her fingers through Kara's hair, and Kara dozes off to the feeling of it.

She dreams about Reign, because of course she does, and then she wakes up to the calming sound of Lena breathing and her arm stinging in the same place it did when Reign shook her hand. But she doesn't worry about that because tonight... she's tired.

Tomorrow they can go back to planning.

 

Notes:

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