Diana was walking through the bullpen when Josh comes out of his office, “Victory is mine! Victory is mine! Great day in the morning people. Victory is mine!”
“Good morning, Josh,” Diana greeted.
“I drink from the keg of glory, Diana. Donna, bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.”
“It’s gonna be an unbearable day,” Donna muttered before hanging up her jacket.
Josh throws up his arms in victory in front of the other staffers, who are clapping for him.
“Congratulations, Josh,” Diana said.
“Thank you, Diana,” Josh hugs her before he goes back to his office and when the door closed everyone could hear a “Woohoo.”
Diana shook her head and with a smile on her face before leaving the bullpen and walked into the outer Oval Office, and saw Mrs. Landingham behind her desk.
“Goodmorning, Mrs. Landingham,” Diana greeted.
“Goodmorning, sweetheart. Want a cookie?” Mrs. Landingham offered.
“Sure. Thank you,” Diana opens the cookie jar and takes out a cookie before putting the lid back on.
“You try getting his attention on this,” C.J. said as she and Toby enter the outer Oval Office.
"Mrs. Landingham, does the President have free time this morning?" Toby asked as he approaches Mrs. Landingham’s desk.
"The President has nothing but free time, Toby. Right now he’s in the residence eating Cheerios and enjoying Regis and Kathie Lee. Should I get him for you?"
“Sarcasm’s a disturbing thing coming from a woman of your age, Mrs. Landingham.”
“What age would that be, Toby?” She asked.
“Late twenties,” Toby answered carefully.
“Can I have a cookie?” He asked as he lifted the lid of the jar.
“No,” Mrs. Landingham told him.
“Toby, they turned down our request?” Sam asked as he walks in.
“C.J.’s on it,” Toby told him.
“Good morning, Sam,” Mrs. Landingham greeted him.
“Have a cookie, Sam,” She offered.
“Thank you,” Sam takes a cookie.
Toby, still holding the cookie jar lid, looks at Mrs. Landingham and she looks back.
“They’re issuing a press release. We’re gonna be playing defense all day,” C.J. told after hanging up the phone.
“Is this really because of the joke?” Sam asked while his mouth was full.
“It’s because of the joke,” C.J. replied.
Josh steps in while Donna stays at the door.
“Someone give me a river to forge, a serpent to slay,” Josh declared.
“What’s his problem?” C.J. asked Donna.
“He’s been drinking from the keg of glory. We’re to bring him all the muffins and bagels in the land,” She answered.
“We heard,” Toby said.
“Good job,” Sam complimented.
“Thank you very much. C.J., they turned down the invitation?” Josh asked.
“They declined,” C.J. corrected before they then walk into the Oval Office.
“What does that mean?” Josh asked C. J.
“It means they turned down the invitation,” She told him.
“Because of the joke?”
“Of course, because of the joke. Why does everyone keep asking? As if it could be something…”
President Bartlet and Leo come into the Oval Office from the portico.
“...32 billion against the trade surplus,” Leo said.
“That’s no good,” Bartlet commented, “Jaworski knows that’s no good.”
“Mostly, he’s gonna say that the Japanese need to buy more American cars.”
“Americans need to buy more American cars,” Bartlet told Leo as he stood behind his desk and opened the folder in his hands.
“Which is what I told Jaworski,” Leo said.
“Good morning everyone,” Bartlet greeted.
“Good morning,” Everyone returned.
“What do you got?” Bartlet asked.
“443’s gonna stay in committee,” Josh answered.
“I heard,” He said.
“What else?” Leo asked.
“The Ryder Cup team is declining our invitation to come to the White House,” C. J told them.
“You’re kidding,” Leo said with a shocked expression.
“Because of the joke.”
“You’re kidding,” Bartlet repeated with the same expression.
“I’m not,” She told them.
Mrs. Landingham comes in and gives the President his schedule.
“The Ryder Cup team?” Bartlet questioned while looking at Leo surprised.
“It’s a group of the best golfers in the country…” C.J began before she was interrupted.
“I know what the Ryder Cup team is. Thanks, Mrs. Landingham.”
“Sir, this may be a good time to talk about your sense of humor,” C.J suggested.
Bartlet looks at his schedule and says, “I’ve got an intelligence briefing, a security briefing, and a 90-minute budget meeting all scheduled for the same 45 minutes. You sure this is a good time to talk about my sense of humor?” He asked C.J.
“No,” She replied.
“Me neither,” Bartlet agreed.
“What else?” Leo asked.
“It’s just that it’s not the first time it’s happened,” C. J. told them.
“I know,” Barlet said. He walked away from his desk and to the center of the room, while they followed him.
“She’s talking about Texas, sir,” Toby informed Bartlet.
“I know,” He admitted as he took a seat. C.J, Sam, and Toby did the same.
“U.S.A. Today asks you why you don’t spend more time campaigning in Texas and you say it’s ‘cause you don’t look good in funny hats,” C.J reminded The President.
“It was “big hats,” Sam corrected C.J.
“What difference does it make?” She asked.
“It makes a difference,” Diana and her father said simultaneously.
“The point is we got whomped in Texas,” C.J. told them.
“We got whomped in Texas twice,” Josh stated.
“We got whomped in the primary, and we got whomped in November.”
“I think I was there,” Barlet said.
“And it was avoidable, sir,” C.J advised him.
“C.J., on your tombstone, it’s gonna read, “Post hoc, ergo propter hoc,” He told her.
“Okay, but none of my visitors are going to be able to understand my tombstone.”
“Twenty-seven lawyers in the room, anybody know “post hoc, ergo propter hoc?” Josh?” The President asked.
“Uh, uh, post, after, after hoc, ergo, therefore, after hoc, therefore, something else hoc,” Josh replied, trying to translate.
“Thank you. Next.”
“Uh, if I’d gotten more credit on the 443…” Josh said before being interrupted by Bartlet.
“After it, therefore because of it,” Leo answered with the right translation. Josh looks a little weirded out.
“After it, therefore because of it,” Bartlet repeated before asking,” Diana, the meaning, please?”
“It means one thing follows the other, therefore it was caused by the other, but it’s not always true. In fact, it’s hardly ever true, sir,” Diana responded.
“Thank you,” He said to her before saying to C.J, “We did not lose Texas because of the hat joke. Do you know when we lost Texas?”
“When you learn to speak Latin?” C.J retorted.
“Go figure,” He responded.
“What else?” Leo asked.
A short while later, after the debriefing was finished, Diana opens the door and the senior staff exit the oval office. Diana saw that Captain Morris Tolliver, the president’s temporary medical examiner, had arrived and was talking to Mrs. Landingham.
“Sam, when are you writing the Hilton Head draft?” Leo asked.
“I’m closing my door from noon to three,” Sam replied.
“Let me see it at three,” Josh told Sam.
“Morris,” Leo greeted.
“Good morning,” Morris shakes hands with Leo.
“Stan, I’ll be just a second,” Leo said before asking Morris, ‘Take a walk with me, will you?”
“Sure,” He replied.
“Leo, be sure to bring Captain Tolliver back soon for the President’s medical exam,” Diana told him.
“I will,” He replied as he and Morris walked out.
Diana closes the door to the oval office and stands next to the door while the President goes ver some papers. A short while later, there is a knock on the door and Diana opens it revealing Captain Tolliver.
“Mr. President, Captain Morris Tolliver is here for your medical exam,” Diana informs him.
“Thank you, Diana,” Bartlet said to her before getting up and greeting Morris,” How are you doing, Morris?”
Diana left the room and stood outside the door. She spent most of her time talking to Mrs. Landingham, but opened the door and went into the oval office when Diana heard her father yell, “I want the Secret Service in here right away.”
“In the event of a military coup, sir, what makes you think the Secret Service is gonna be on your side?” Captain Tolliver asked before waving to Diana and she responded by waving back.
“Now that’s a thought that’s gonna fester,” Bartlet commented.
“Let me guess: flu shot?” She asked Captain Tolliver.
“Yes, Ma’am. Hold still,” Captain Tolliver gives him the flu shot. Bartlet groans a little, and then holds his arm after the shot.
“Thank you. I’m not comfortable with violence,” Bartlet admitted to his daughter and Captain Tolliver, “I know this country has enemies, but I don’t feel violent toward any of them. I don’t know whether that’s a weakness or not, but I think I know how the Joint Chiefs would answer that question.”
“Let the chiefs get to know you, Mr. President. They’re serious men, naturally suspicious of your leadership. That’s what comes from spending a lifetime caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. They’re men of character. They may not like your résumé, but they’ll like you personally if you give it time. You have a once in a generation mind, sir. Ultimately, they’ll respect that. They’ll advise you well and go where you point. Let the chiefs get to know you, sir,” Captain Tolliver assured the President.
“I couldn’t have said it any better, Captain Tolliver,” Diana agreed,” And In the meantime, Mr. President, you outrank them.”
“So don’t worry about it so much, and cut back on the dairy,” Captain Tolliver instructed.
“And the red meat,” Bartlet added.
“And the scotch,” Diana added.
“Don’t forget your picture. Corey’s a beautiful child,” Bartlet hands the picture of Captain Tolliver’s baby over to him as he started to pack.
Captain Tolliver takes and looks at picture, “Yeah, I know. Look what I’d done.”
You didn’t do nothing, mister. You were a passenger on this one. Your job is to pay the bills, and do what these ladies tell you to do,” Bartlet reminded him as he rolled his sleeve down.
“Yes, sir,” Captain Tolliver nodded.
“Also, you got to teach her how to whistle. Her mother won’t do that.”
“I’ll see you next week, Morris,” Bartlet said.
“In two weeks,” Captain Tolliver corrected him.
“Right,” Bartlet walked behind his desk.
Captain Tolliver and Diana head for the door, but stopped when the President called to him, “Morris?”
“Yes, sir,” Captain Tolliver stopped and turned around along with Diana.
“Look at that picture again,” Bartlet said. Captain Tolliver looks down at the picture of his daughter in his hand, “See? The past isn’t the only thing your family can be proud of.
Captain Tolliver smiled, “Yes, sir.”
Bartlet smiled too and waved, “Go away.”
Morris leaves and Diana opened the door for him. He passes Leo walking inside with two distinguished men.
“Mr. President, you remember Stuart White and Ray Finley?” Leo introduced.
“I do, indeed. Mr. White, good to see you. Mr. Finley,” Bartlet greeted. White and Finley shake hands with the President. Diana left the oval office and closed the door behind her.
While walking in the bullpen, Cathay told Diana that Sam wanted to see her in his office. Diana knocked on the door, Sam opened it for her and Diana closed it when she was in the room.
“So, what is it you wanted to see me?” She asked.
Sam hesitated for a moment before saying, “About a week ago I met someone, Laurie.”
“Good for you, Sam,” Diana congratulated, “What’s she like? What does she do?”
“That’s just it; I slept with her and then the next day I found out she is a call girl,” Sam admitted.
“I slept with a call girl.”
“Has anyone found out about this?” Diana asked him.
“No, but I need your advise,” Sam told her.
“I’m sorry, Sam, but I have no advise to give in whatever this area is, or any area that deals with sex,” Diana said, “Just talk to Toby about this.”
“Thank you, Diana,” Sam said.
“Your welcome,” Diana left his office. She walked through the bullpen for just a few seconds before running into Josh and C.J, “Hey, Josh. Hey. C.J.”
“Hey, Diana,” Josh greeted before asking C.J, “Did you talk to Hoynes?”
“Yeah,” C.J. confirmed.
“Wait, what happened with Hoynes,” Diana asked them.
“We're fine,” C.J. told him.
“Hoynes said, “ his is a time when the president needs our support” when he was talking about the A3C3,” He answered Diana before asking C.J, “ You're sure?”
“Josh, stop worrying we’re fine,” Diana assured him.
“Okay,” Josh said, relaxing a little.
“Leo will call when he's ready,” C.J. informed him and Diana.
“Anyone but Mandy.”
“Right,” She said before walking off.
“See you later, Josh. And try to play nice if Mandy ever shows up here,” Diana told him before she went to go have lunch with her mother.
That night in the oval office, Diana stands by the door while her father packs his briefcase before retiring for the day.
“Mrs. Landingham?” Bartlet called.
“Yes, sir?” She responded.
“I'm done, right?” He asked.
“There are some calls, but you can make them from the residence,” Mrs. Landingham comes into the room with a file and a red paper bag.
“All righty. Thank you. What's in the bag?” Bartlet inquired as she handed him the flie and red bag.
“Delegation from the University of Nebraska was sorry you couldn't see them during their visit, and they left this for you with their compliments,” She said as Diana approached and pulls out a red shirt from the bag.
“It's a shirt,” He noted.
“Yes, sir,” Mrs. Landingham an Diana confirmed.
“They left me a shirt?”
“Yes, sir,” They repeat themselves.
“I think they left me something else, Mrs. Landingham,” Bartlet said before turning to his daughter, “Diana, I am saying this to you as the President not your father-”
“Now, Mr. President…” Diana began.
“I think they left me 12 center-cut prime fillet Omaha Steaks, Diana, Mrs. Landingham,” He interrupted.
Mrs. Landingham folds the shirt and puts it back in the bag before saying, “Morris Tolliver said…”
“I was going to have Mario fix me one of those steaks tonight,” He told them before he walks out into the Portico as Mrs. Landingham and Diana follow close behind.
“Dr. Tolliver was very clear about…”
“You two stole my steaks.”
“We didn't steal them. We were simply following the direct orders of Captain Morris Tolliver, M.D. who would like to see your diet contain a little less…”
“You and my daughter are cattle rustlers, Mrs. Landingham,” Bartlet told her.
“If you say so, Mr. President... And no scotch tonight, sir,”
“And if neither of us catches you, Mr. President. We could always go over your head,” Diana warned Bartlet.
“You wouldn’t dare?” He questioned her.
“It is my job as a secret service agent to protect the President of The United States, even if it’s from himself,” She retorted.
“Sometimes I wonder if your actually working for the enemy, “Bartlet said, “Between the two of you and Dr. Tolliver, who needs a wife or a mother?”
“Good night, Mr. President,” Mrs. Landingham said.
Bartlet walks toward the residence with Diana behind him and Mrs. Landingham returns to the office.
At 3:35 in the morning, Diana had gotten a call from Leo about bad new of the Airforce plane carrying Captain Tolliver and others. After escorting to her father to the Oval office, Diana went to get Leo in the Roosevelt Room.
Diana walks up from behind Leo, “The President's waiting.”
“Excuse me, gentlemen,” Leo heads for the door.
“Leo, do you need me?” Josh asked.
“No, “Leo answered before he and Diana leave.
In the Oval officer, the President is leaning on his desk. Diana and Leo come in and walks slowly toward him.
“Mr. President, Morris Tolliver is dead,” Leo informed Bartlet. Diana could tell that the bad news had hit her father hard, “An airforce transport carrying Morris, 1200 other doctors, 42 support staff, and a crew of five to a teaching hospital in Amman exploded in midair about 150 miles north of Tartus. What was first thought to be a mechanical failure was then claimed by a fundamentalist group after a keyhole satellite sent back a record of a heat stream coming from what's called an F.I.M. 92, which is a shoulder-mounted surface-to-air missile launcher. In the last 90 minutes or so that's been debunked as well. Hard intelligence is telling us the order came from the Syrian defense ministry. Baker and Lennox are on their way from the Pentagon, and Brodie's in the Situation Room preparing for your briefing.”
Bartlet takes a moment before he speaks, “What time is it?”
“It's 10:38 in Damascus, sir,” Diana answered as she checked her watched.
“Where is the Syrian ambassador?”
“He's at his residence on a secure phone line,” Leo replied.
“Tel Aviv and London?” Bartlet said.
“State's waiting for your word,” He informed the President.
“Alright, uh…” Bartlet lets out a big sigh, “I'm gonna call Morris' wife now. I'll meet you in the Situation Room.”
“Yes, sir,” Leo heads for the door but stops and turns around when the President calls him.
“Leo? I am not frightened. I'm gonna blow them off the face of the earth with the fury of God's own thunder,” Bartlet pauses for a moment, “Get the commanders.”
A look of concern is on both Diana’s and Leo's face. Leo slowly turns around, opens the door and leaves. Bartlet walks around behind his desk. He sits on his chair and lets out a big sigh. He then picks up the phone and makes the call.