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My love for the President's daughter

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Diana Bartlet was driving in a car, with another secret service agent, following her father, riding a bike in anger, when he crashed into a tree. She and the secret service agent rushed out of the car and went to her father's aide.

Diana takes out her radio and says, "POTUS has been in a bicycle accident. Repeat: POTUS has been in a bicycle accident. No major external injuries. Sir, are you in any pain?"

"No," Bartlet lied.

"Sir, please answer truthfully. Are you in any pain?" She repeated.

"A little," He answered.

"Where is the pain, Sir?"

"My left ankle."

Diana turns to the other secret service agent and says, "Go get the first aid kit. It's in the back."

The secret service agent went and retrieved the first aid kit from the car, and brought it back. Diana opened the first aid kit and took out scissors to cut open her father's pants a little. She examined his ankle, but when she went to touch it, he hissed at the pain.

Diana speaks into the radio, "Minor injury to the ankle, possible sprain. No need for an ambulance. Davis and I will take POTUS to St. John's hospital, let them know we're coming in for an X-Ray."

As Diana and Davis tried to help him up, he refused by yanking his arms out of their grip and fell to the ground. The second time, they helped Barlet up and wrapped their hands around his waist, and placed his arms over their shoulders before walking to the car. When they arrived at the hospital, Diana and Davis helped her father into a wheelchair, and a nurse took him to X-Ray.

When the nurse came back, she told them that it was a sprained ankle and that he will need a cane, and she took them to his room.

"How are you feeling, Sir?" Diana asked.

"Well, considering that I didn't listen to your mother about not driving angry, I'm doing pretty good," He joked.

"What made you angry?"

Bartlet took a breath before answering, "The lambs of God."

"What did they do?" Diana asked.

"They sent Annie a Raggedy Ann doll with a knife in its throat all because of an interview she did for a teen magazine. She talked about movie stars and makeup tips, but also about a woman's right to chose. Elizabeth called me and told me what happened," He explained, "I was just so angry, I mean what kind of group sends a 12-year-old girl a doll with a knife in its throat?"

"What do you want us to do, Sir?" Davis asked.

"By now, I assume my staff has been informed about my 'accident'?" Bartlet asked.

"They have, Sir."

"Alright, Diana I want you to head back to the white house and see what you can do there."

"Right now, Sir?" She asked.

"Yes, and ask Leo, C.J, or anyone about what's happening with what Josh said in that interview."

"Yes, Sir."

Diana left the hospital and drove to the airport after having packed her things.

After a five-hour flight and a ten-minute drive, Diana arrived at the Whitehouse. She walks into the west wing, and after being cleared by security, she walks to Leo McGarry's office. When she entered, C. J., Toby, Josh, Sam, and three or four others of the west wing were in Leo's office talking but stopped when she opened the door and looked at her.

"I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" Diana asked.

"No, your not, Diana," Leo answered from his desk, "How's the president doing?"

"Last time I checked, he was doing well for someone who crashes into a tree on a bike and got a sprained ankle."

"Diana, how do you feel about the Cubans?" Toby asked her.

"Cubans? What do you mean 'How I feel about the Cubans? What's going on?" Diana asked.

"There are between 1,2000 and 2,000 Cubans on rafts coming here," Leo explained.

"This is the first I'm hearing about it, but if they risked everything to get here then maybe we should help them," She gave her opinion before asking, "Where are they heading?"

"Vegas," Josh joked.

"Miami," Sam answered, "Though, it's not clear how sophisticated their navigation equipment is."

"Navigational equipment? That way is north, I think is pretty-"

"Josh," C.J interrupted.

"C.J., if one of these guys could throw a split-fingered fastball, we'd send in the USS Eisenhower."

"That's not entirely true."

"Oh, for god's sake. Forget about the journey. Okay? The voyage is not our problem," Toby said.

"What's our problem?" C.J. asked.

"What to do when the Nina, the Pinta, and the Get-Me-The-Hell-Outta-Here hit Miami," Toby said with concern.

"Sam?" Leo asked.

"Can't send them back. They'll go to jail if they're lucky," He informed.

"We'll get whacked in what? At least . . ." Toby looked to Sam.

"Three congressional districts. Dade county," Sam answered.

"Those seats are gone," Toby said.

"Not to mention the fact that it's wrong," Josh told them.

"Plus that," Sam agreed.

"What about Texas?" He asked.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Sam told Josh.

"Keep Josh in the loop on this throughout the day," Leo told Sam.

"Me?" Sam asked Leo as he pointed to himself.

"Yeah," He confirmed.

"The thing is, my day is a little tight. . ."

"Deal with it," Leo interrupted Sam.

"And I'm happy to. It's just that. . ."

Leo looked away from the papers on his desk and at Sam before saying, "Sam."

"I'm just saying, isn't this more of a military area?" He suggested.

The room goes silent as everyone digests Sam's argument in shock.

"Military?" Leo questioned.


"You think the United States is under attack from 1,200 Cubans in rowboats?" Toby asked Sam.

"I'm not saying I don't like our chances."

"Mind-boggling to me that we ever won an election."

"Pat Thomas wants to call up the guard," Leo informed them.

"He shouldn't."

"Josh is right," Diana said.

"He is right," Sam agreed.

"You send in the guard you create a panic situation," C.J. said.

"I agree with Josh and I agree with C.J. and I agree with Sam and I agree with Diana," Toby told Leo, "And you know how that makes me crazy."

"Yeah, I do."

"They're running for their lives. You don't have to start a game with red rover with Castro. But you don't send in the National Guard. You send food and you send doctors," Toby said.

"Sam, see that I.N.S. is working with the Red Cross and the Centers for Disease Control," josh said.

"I've got my guy from CDC on the phone right..." Sam informed them before he was cut off by Leo.

"Go. Talk to him."

"Talk to him," Sam repeated before leaving the office.

"Moving on. Let's talk about Josh," Leo said.

Leo then went on about Capital Beat and what Josh had said to Mary Marsh, which is now being called the 'Mary Marsh incident.'

When the meeting was over, and everyone was leaving, Diana gave C.J some information about her father's biking incident for the press. Diana walked around the west wing of the white house, got some coffee, and she stopped at Josh's office.

She opens the door and sees that all of the lights are out. Josh staring at the television and watching and rewinding a videotape. The videotape was of 'Capitol Beat.' On the show, he is sitting next to Mary Marsh.

"I can tell you that you don't believe in any God I pray to, Mr. Lyman. Not any God I pray to," Mary said on the videotape.

"Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted for tax fraud," Josh rewind it a few seconds back, "Lady, the God you pray to is too busy being indicted-"

"You keep that up and your gonna mess the tape up," Diana told him, "Also, you shouldn't have worn that tie. It bleeds."

"I don't think it was the tie that got me in trouble," Josh said, he turned to look at her.

"No, but Donna told me that she told you a zillion times."

"What's that?" He asked.

"It's coffee," Diana replied.

"Thought so."

"I brought you some coffee."

"What's going on, Diana?"

"Nothing's going on, Josh," Diana insisted.


"I just brought you some coffee."

"Close the door," Josh said. Diana sets the coffee on his desk and closes the door, "Diana Bartlet, when did we first meet?"

"During the campaign."

"And how long have I known you?"

"A year and a half."

"And when was the last time you brought me a cup of coffee?" Josh asked, but Diana didn't answer, "It was never. You've never brought me a cup of coffee."

"You don't have to make a big deal out of it-," Diana said.

"Diana. If I get fired, I get fired," Josh interrupted.

"Do you really think my father is going to do it?" She asked.

Josh paused for a moment before answering," No."

A knock on the door and they heard a man's voice announce, "It's Toby."

"You won the election for him. You, and Leo, and C.J., and Sam," Diana said.

More knocks on the door followed by Toby saying, "Open the damn door."

"And him," Diana whispered to Josh before she opened the door to reveal Toby.

"Thanks for the coffee," Josh said.

"You're welcome."

"Diana brought you coffee?" Toby asked Josh.

"Shut up," Diana said to Toby.

"What's up?" Josh asked.

Toby shuts the door before asking, "What did I tell you before you went on the air yesterday?"

"You said, 'don't get cute with Mary Marsh,'" Josh replied.

"I said, 'don't get cute with Mary Marsh.' I said Al Caldwell is not to be treated like some revival tent clown," Toby said.

"Al Caldwell wasn't there," Josh told Toby as he grabbed some paper from where Toby was sitting.

"He sure as hell was watching," He informed Josh.

"Look, I already took Leo's morning beating. What do you want?" Josh asked as he went back behind his desk.

"I want you to keep your job," Toby said.


"I'm going to make a suggestion, which might help you out. But I don't want this gesture to be mistaken for an indication that I like you," Toby explained.

"I understand."

"And I'll see if I can help convince the president that you can stay," Diana said.

"Thanks," Josh said.

"In preparation for the Sunday morning radio address on family values..."

"When did that get on the schedule?" Josh interrupted Toby.

"Listen to me for a second..."

"When did it get on the schedule?" Josh asked again.

"It's the regular Sunday morning..." Toby began.

"Yeah, but when did we schedule family values?" Josh asked with a raised voice.

"We scheduled it, Josh, after your smug, taunting, you know, calamitous performance on 'Capitol Beat," Toby told Josh while raising his voice to match his. A moment passed before Toby spoke again with a calm voice, "America for better families. The AAF and Al Caldwell. . . Mary Marsh. I've invited them all for coffee this afternoon, along with a couple of speechwriters to talk about..."

"What they want to hear," Josh finished.

"Yes. Yes, sir," Toby said.

"If you listen carefully, you can hear two centuries of Presidents rolling over in their graves," Josh said as he walked away from his desk.

"Come to the meeting."

"NO!" Josh exclaimed at Toby.

"Josh, just go to the meeting and be nice," Diana said.

"Why?" He asked.

"So C.J. can put it in the papers..." Toby began.

"Al Caldwell is friends with bad people! I think he should say so for the common good. Screw politics! How about that?" Josh said with a raised voice.

"You don't run social policy for this government. How 'bout that!" Toby said with a raised voice.


"I'm in charge of the message around here. It's my job to tell the President that the best thing he could do, from a PR standpoint, is to show you the door," Toby said as he pointed to the door. There was a moment of silence as he put his hand down, "Come to the meeting. Be nice. Keep your job," He said with a soft tone.

"Yeah, I'll be there," Josh softly said.

"Oh, take a look at this," Toby hands Josh a newspaper clipping.

"What's that?" Josh asked.

"One of the kids from the newsroom clipped that from the Journal this morning. Guess who's leaving Lennox-Chase to start consulting in town? She's leasing offices downtown. She starts today," Toby replied.

"Who's she working for? He asked.

Toby smiles, "I'm checking it out."

"See you later, Josh," Diana said.

Toby and Diana leave the office and went on with their day. Not long after leaving Josh's office, Diana was called in by Leo to stand in with him on a meeting with economist advisors. It was near the end of the meeting that Josh walked into the room and stood next to Diana.

"They're 2 ½ percent in the third quarter at the end of the fiscal year," Fred told Leo.

"That's fine, but the president's going to look at the W.B.O. revenue analysis and say that economists were put on this planet to make astrologers look good," Leo joked, making several people in the room laugh.

"Leo..." Fred began.

"Luther. Ballpark. One year from today. Where's the Dow?" Leo asked.

"Tremendous. Up a thousand," Luther replied.

"Fred. One year from today."

"Not good. Down a thousand," Fred said.

"A year from today at least one of you is gonna look pretty stupid," Leo told them.

"Can we go now?" Luther asked.

"Oh, go. Get out," Leo said. The economists all get up from their seats and leave the room.

Sam walks in and says, "There's a storm system moving into the South Florida area."

"See, with any luck the Cubans'll turn around and live to defect another day," Leo said to Sam, Josh, and Diana.

"Yeah, 'cause they're probably all tuned to the National Weather Service," Josh said with sarcasm, "but that's not what I'm here for."

"What's on your mind?" Leo asked him.

"We've gotta look at the whole field for a minute, 'cause I think we're about to get tagged."

"With regard to what?"

"Re-election," Josh replied to Leo.

"Oh, we're not there," Leo said before turning to leave.

"Don't let Lloyd Russell push us around on Medicare or medium-range missiles," Josh said to Leo, making him turn around.

"You're taking Lloyd Russell too seriously."

"His numbers are starting to get interesting," Sam told them.

"Hollywood likes him. He can raise money," Josh said.

"We're not there yet," Leo stressed as he stands at the doorway with Sam, Josh, and Diana near him.

"30 second hypothetical: You're Lloyd Russell, newly crowned prince of the White suburban woman, the upper-middle-class Black man, and teacher's union. You're no friend to the sitting President. What do you do?" Josh asked.

"Put together an exploratory committee," Leo answered.

"And who do you get to run it?"


"I already got a job," Josh said.

"For the moment," Leo said.

"That's one point for Leo," Diana joked.

"Who do you get?" Josh asked again.

"Well, if I could get Mandy to leave 900,000 a year at Lennox-Chase, I'd get Mandy," Leo replied.

"You'd be smart."

"Hey, come to think of it, you think she'd be interested in his job?" Leo asked Sam and Diana.

"You're in luck."

"She's in town?" Leo asked Josh.

"Just got here today," He told Leo.

"What she doing?"

"Working for Lloyd Russell."

Leo takes a moment to digest the new information then leaves the room as he calls, "Margaret! Get me Senator Russell's office on the phone."

Josh, Diana, and Sam stand in the doorway and watch Leo leave.

"Is that the same suit you wore yesterday?" Sam asked

"Yeah," Josh answered before asking, "You?"


Diana looked at them both and shook her head, "That's gross," She said before leaving Sam and Josh to look out for anything in the white house with her fellow secret service agents. A few minutes later, Diana got a call from her father saying he was on his way back to the white house. Later that afternoon, C.J. asked Diana to join her, Josh, and Toby in on the meeting with Mary Marsh, Al Caldwell, and John Van Dyke. She agreed.

A while later, Diana was informed that Mary Marsh, Al Caldwell, and John Van Dyke had arrived and that they were waiting for them in the mural room. Diana then got Josh, C.J., and Toby. Diana and C.J. try to help Josh as they walked to the meeting.

"She's gonna try and bait you, Josh, you understand what I'm saying?" C.J. asked him.

"Lloyd Russell. Yeah, that'll last."

"Are you listening to her, Josh?" Diana asked.

"They're gonna try and bait me," He repeated.

"They want you to say something arrogant," C.J. told him.

"I don't need baiting for that," Josh said.

"That's what we're worried about," Diana said.

They walk into the mural room where Al Caldwell, Mary Marsh, John Van Dyke, and several staffers are waiting.

"Hi. Hi, good afternoon," Toby greeted, "We apologize. We're running a bit behind today."

Josh sits quietly, as C.J., Diana, and Toby greet everyone.

"That's quite all right. How's the President's health?" Caldwell asked Diana.

"It's just a mild sprain, he'll be fine and should be here this afternoon," She said.

"Good, good. You all know Mary Marsh and John Van Dyke," Cladwell introduced.

"Everybody, sit, sit, sit," Marsh, Van Dyke, and Cladwell took a seat across from Diana, Josh, C.J, and Toby, We're happy you all could come talk with us today. As you know, the President makes a usual Sunday morning radio address, and in a few weeks we've scheduled-"

"Ah, Toby, if I may interrupt for just a moment," Caldwell interrupted Toby, "the goals and spirit of Christian and Family oriented organizations, while embraced by a great and growing number of

Americans, have been met with hostility and contempt by their Government. Now, yesterday morning, on the television program Capital Beat, that contempt was given a voice... and a face... and a name," He turns to Josh, "I'm referring, of course, to you, sir."

"Yes, I know, and I'm glad you brought that up..." Josh Began.

"I was surprised at you, Josh. I always counted you as a friend," Cladwell said in disappointment.

"And I'm honored by that, Reverend. First, let me say that when I spoke on the program yesterday, I was not speaking for the President or this administration. That's important to know. Second, please allow me to apologize. My remarks were glib and insulting. I was going for the cheap laugh, and anybody willing to step up and debate ideas deserves better than a political punch line. Mary, I apologize," Josh said with a sincere voice.

There was a pause before Mary Marsh says, "Good then," She turns to Toby, "Let's deal."

"I'm sorry?" Toby said.

"What do we get?" She asked.

"For what?" Toby asked her.

"For insulting millions of Americans," Mary Marsh explained.

"Well, like Josh said..."

"I heard what Josh said, Toby, what do we get?" She interrupted.

"An apology," Toby told her.

"Sunday morning radio address. Public morals. School prayer or pornography, take your pick."

"School prayer or pornography?" Toby questioned.

"It's on every street corner," Van Dyke said.

"I've seen it. Mary..."

"Condoms in the schools."

"What?!" Toby asked.

"Condoms in the schools," Mary Marsh repeated.

"Well, that's a problem."

"What?" She asked.

"We have a Surgeon General who says they dramatically reduce the risk of teen pregnancy and AIDS," Toby said with a raised voice.

"So does abstinence," Mary Marsh argued.

"Show the average American teenage male a condom and his mind will turn to thoughts of lust," Cladwell told them.

"Show the average American teenage male a lug wrench and his mind'll turn..."

"Toby," C.J. interrupted.

"School prayer, pornography, condoms. What's it gonna be?" Mary Marsh asked.

"We're not prepared to make any sort of deal right now," Toby told her.

"Sure we are. Mary..." Josh began.

"My read of the landscape is that you're cleaning out your desk before the end of business today," Mary Marsh said smugly to Josh, "so I'd just as soon negotiate with Toby if it's all the same to you."

"Mary. . ." Cladwell began.

"Please allow me to work," She said to him before turning to Josh, "It was only a matter of time with you, Josh. That New York sense of humor was just a..."

"Mary, there no need..." Cladwell stressed before Mary Marsh interrupted him.

"Reverend, please! They think they're so much smarter. They think it's smart talk. But nobody else does."

"I'm actually from Connecticut," Josh informed her, "but that's neither here nor there. The point is, Mary..."

"She meant Jewish, "A stunned silence. Everyone stares at Toby, "When she said "New York sense of humor", she was talking about you and me."

"You know what, Toby, let's just not even go there," Josh told him.

"There's been an apology. Let's move on," Cladwell said.

"I'd like to discuss why we hear so much talk about the First Amendment coming out of this building, but no talk at all about the First Commandment," Van Dyke said.

"I don't like what I've just been accused of," Mary Marsh said bringing everyone's attention to her.

"I'm afraid that's just tough, Mrs. Marsh," Toby said while raising his voice.

"The First Commandment says "Honor thy Father," Van Dyke said.

"No, it doesn't," Toby disagreed.


"It doesn't," Toby interrupted Josh.

"Listen-" C.J. began.

"No, if I'm gonna make you sit through this preposterous exercise, we're gonna get the names of the damn commandments right."

"Okay. Here we go," Mary said ready to fight.

"Honor thy Father" is the Third Commandment," Toby corrected.

"Then what's the First Commandment?" Van Dyke asked.

"I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me," Bartlet said with a booming voice as he stood in the doorway with a cane and several Secret Service agents, "Boy, those were the days, huh?"

Everyone stands.

"Good afternoon, Mr. President," Caldwell said.

"Al," Bartlet and Cladwell shake hands before Bartlet turns to C.J., "What do we got here, C.J.?"

"Well, we've got some hot tempers, Mr. President," She replied.

"Mary," Bartlet and Mary Marsh shake hands.

"Mr. President, I'm John Van Dyke," Van Dyke introduced himself.

"Yes. Reverend?"

"May I ask you a question, sir?" Van Dyke asked.

"Of course."

"If our children can buy pornography on any street corner for five dollars, isn't that too high a price to pay for free speech?"

"No," Bartlet answered.

"Really?" Van Dyke said as he was surprised by the President's answer.

"On the other hand, I do think that five dollars is too high a price to pay for pornography," Bartlet said.

"Why don't we all sit down?" C.J. asked.

"No. Let's not, C.J. These people won't be staying that long. May I have some coffee,

Mr. Lewis?" Bartlet turns to Cladwell and says, "Al, how many times have I asked you to denounce the practices of a fringe group that calls itself The Lambs of God?"

"Sir, it's not up to me to..." Cladwell began before Bartlet interrupted him.

"Crap. It is up to you, Al. You, know, my wife, Abbey, she never wants me to do anything while I'm upset, "a staffer hands him coffee, "Thank you, Mr. Lewis. 28 years ago, I come home from a very bad day at the State House. I tell Abbey I'm going out for a drive. I get in the station wagon, and put it in reverse, and pull out of the garage full speed, "Leo and Sam appear in the doorway and quietly enter into the room, "Except I forgot to open the garage door. Scared the crap out of Abbey so much that she went into labor that very night and the next day she gave birth to Diana."

Bartlet pauses to take a drink of his coffee and smiles at Josh, who smiles back Uncomfortably.

Bartlet continues, "Abbey told me to not drive while I was upset and she was right. She was right yesterday when she told me not to get on that damn bicycle while I was upset, but I did it anyway, and I guess I was just about as angry as I've ever been in my life. It seems my granddaughter, Annie, had given an interview in one of the teen magazines. And somewhere between movie stars and make-up tips, she talked about her feelings on a woman's right to choose. Now Annie, all of 12, has always been precocious, but she's got a good head on her shoulders and I like it when she uses it, so I couldn't understand it when her mother called me in tears yesterday. I said, "Elizabeth, what's wrong?" She said, "It's Annie." Now I love my family and I've read my bible from cover to cover so I want you to tell me, from what part of the Holy Scripture do you suppose the Lambs of God drew their Divine inspiration when they sent my 12-year-old granddaughter a Raggedy Ann doll with a knife stuck through its throat? You'll denounce these people, Al. You'll do it publicly. And until you do, you can all get your fat asses out of my White House, "Everyone is frozen, "C.J., show these people out."

"I believe we can find the door," Mary Marsh said with smugness.

"Find it now," Bartlet said with seriousness in his eyes.

The group leaves the room quickly and quietly.

"We'll fix this, Leo," Cladwell promised quietly to Leo.

"See that you do," Leo said.

Bartlet has gone out the side door, through an adjoining room, and into the Oval Office.

The staff begins recovering from this last moment and following the President.

"Okay, can I just say that, as it turned out, I was the calmest person in the room?" Josh said with pride.

"Hey. . ." Toby began.

"Way to stay cool," C.J. said.

"I am not empowered to auction off the Bill of Rights," Toby said.

"I thought you were going to take a swing at her there," Josh said.

"Yeah, I thought I was going to have to pull you away from her," Diana said.

"She was calling us New York Jews, Josh," Toby told him.

"Yeah, but being from Connecticut, I didn't mind so much," Josh said as they enter the Oval Office, "You, C.J., on the other hand, were brilliant. I particularly liked the part where

you said nothing at all, same with you Diana."

"I'm sorry, Josh, I was distracted. All I could really think about was Lloyd Russell and your girlfriend," C.J. retorted.

"Mandy and Lloyd Russell?!" Sam said with shock.

"I'll be puttin' an end to that," Josh told him.

"Hello, Mr. President. Did you have a nice trip, sir? How's the ankle, sir?" Bartlet said from behind his desk and gained everyone's attention, "Seems to me we've all been taking a little break. Thinking about our personal lives or thinking about keeping our jobs. Breaks are good. It's not a bad idea taking a break every now and then. I know how hard you all work."

Margaret, Leo's secretary, brings Leo a note, which he slips to Bartlet after reading it.

"There was this time that Annie came to me with this press clipping. Seems these theologians down in South America were very excited because this little girl from Chile had sliced open a tomato, and the inside flesh of this tomato had actually formed a perfect Rosary. The theologians commented that they thought this was a very impressive girl. Annie commented that she thought it was a very impressive tomato. I don't know what made me think of that, "Bartlet opens the note and reads aloud, "Naval Intelligence reports approximately 1200 Cubans left Havana this morning. Approximately 700 turned back due to severe weather, some 350 are missing and presumed dead, 137 have been taken into custody in Miami and are seeking asylum. With the clothes on their backs, they came through a storm. And the ones that didn't die want a better life. And they want it here. Talk about impressive. My point is this: Break's over."

"Thank you, Mr. President," Leo said.

The senior staff say their thanks and begin to leave the office. Josh heads to the door but stops when he hears his name.

"Josh," Bartlet said. Josh turns around, "Too busy being indicted for tax fraud"? Don't ever do it again."

"Yes sir," Josh said quietly before leaving.

"Welcome back, Mr. President," Diana said to her father before leaving the Oval Office.