Work Text:
I try to ignore it
I focus on what made him mine
When his eyes flickered to meet my own
When his skin seemed to glow in the firelight
When his fingers traced my arm
I think of his beautiful voice
I think of him strumming the lyre or
Telling me a story
I think of his kindness
His trusting heart and his loving nature
But it haunts me still
Because I also remember him coming back to the tent
Soaked in blood
But not his
When he looks over at me and smiles in reassurance in the middle of a pile of bodies
Or when I see his spear blade easily cut through men's throats
Who have families that will mourn
How many people grieve because of him?
How many people has he killed?
He was born to be a warrior
But he was so sweet to me
I feel like crying when I see him begin to harden
They're sharpening him into a weapon
But he's not a ruthless killer
He cradles my face when I cry
He saves the women they drag back from the villages at my request
He kisses me softly and I know he loves me
I was with him when we ran in the woods as children
Or swam in the creeks
Or sat under trees dreaming of a happier future
I was with him when we heard stories from our elders
And hungrily ate like wolves, forgetting our manners
I remember how horrified he was when he first saw death
How he grieved
They weren't there
They don't know
I sometimes feel like he is slipping through my fingers
Like sand in an hourglass
Like he'll become something else
I hide it from him
My grief
It would only bring him pain to know how sorrowful I am about him
And his victims
And he's so famous
He'll go down in history, possibly me, too
For being beside him
They will say I was his friend
Because we can only touch in the secrecy of his tent
We will be erased by time
It's all so hopeless
I'm so scared
Stranded outside the city of Troy
Listening to swords clash and the screams
He's running out of minutes
Will tonight be the last time he presses his lips to mine?
I try to ignore it
The death he causes
The tool that they are making him into
The fate our love has
The prophecy
His inevitable
Untimely
Unfair
Death
I hear him whisper my name in the dark
Patroclus
And tears slip from my eyes
Because I can't save him
I can't do a single thing to save my Achilles