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If I Can't Have You

Chapter Text

Katsuki stepped into the club wearing a tight, red tank top and black, ripped jeans, his eyeliner on point and hair as tousled and spiky as always. It was a get-up he’d waited a long time to wear on assignment, so to say he felt killer was right in more ways than one.

He took a seat at the bar and surveyed the scene, keeping an eye out for his target. Unlike most of the old perverts Katsuki seduced, for once he’d been assigned to a young guy: Izuku Midoriya, 23, and if the photos were right, he was a cutie too. It almost made it a shame that by the end of the night Katsuki was going to be slipping poison past those cute, pink lips, but he was pretty numb to that part of the job by this point. At least, he reasoned, he didn’t didn’t have to play up the feminine, helpless little boy act that got the older targets all excited. No, intel said this guy was more into masculine men, so he was actually thankful that the guy was, escentially, giving him a break.

Eventually, Katsuki spotted him in a booth with some friends, messy green curls and a face full of freckles just like the headshot. He stared at the guy for a long time, trying to size him up all while making it look like he was checking him out (not that he wasn’t, the guy was cute, but his job comes first). Izuku was wearing a printed tee and drinking water while the rest of his friends sipped on cocktails and beers. Katsuki cursed under his breath at that realisation – it was always easier when they were drunk – but didn’t let his disappointment show. Eventually, one of the guy’s friends noticed him staring, a brunette woman, and elbowed Izuku, pointing in Katsuki’s direction with a smirk on her face.

Izuku turned with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, but met Katsuki’s gaze. Katsuki raised his eyebrows at him, tilting his head back, and then let his eyes wander down and back up. Izuku got even redder and looked away.

“I told you he was checking you out!” he heard the woman say over the clamor of the bar. Suddenly all the friends were stealing glances at him, laughing and trying to give Izuku encouragement to go over and talk to him. The guy kept staring down at the table, his ears red too, and Katsuki began to wonder if it wasn’t going to work, that maybe he’d need to walk over there himself (something he never liked to do, as it would give the friends more to say about him to the police) but eventually Izuku took a deep breath and stood up, his friends all cheering.

Katsuki whistled. He couldn’t see when the guy was sitting down, but he was wearing some tight-ass jeans that almost made the ridiculousness of his printed tee and bright red sneakers forgettable. Almost. He was still a nerd.

“Um. Hi,” Izuku said when he got close to him. “Would you like… I mean, can I… would it be alright if I bought you… fuck! Can I buy you a drink?” he finally stuttered out.

Katsuki chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re cute,” he said.

Izuku froze. He still hadn’t looked him in the eye since coming over.

“Sure. I could go for a beer,” Katsuki nodded, and Izuku released a breath he must have been holding. The poor guy; he must not have much experience. The thought passed in Katsuki’s mind that maybe, just maybe, he was still a virgin, but he pushed it out of his consciousness.

“Um. Two beers, please,” Izuku said to the bartender, taking a seat next to Katsuki.

“So you do drink,” Katsuki said.

“Uh, yeah, sometimes,” Izuku shrugged.

“Especially if there’s a hot guy involved?” Katsuki asked. In his experience, it paid to be cocky.

Izuku laughed, but his shoulders tensed up a bit. Katsuki took note of it.

“So,” Katsuki started when they finally got their drinks. “You and your friends here for any particular reason? I’m not crashing a birthday party, am I?”

“Oh, no,” Izuku shook his head, but finally looked up at Katsuki. “We just needed a break from work, you know? We all have office jobs. Mostly boring ones, too. So they go out the first Friday of every month, and, well, drag me along about half the time.”

“Huh,” Katsuki nodded.

“Aw, shit. That makes me sound pretty pathetic, huh?” Izuku said, holding the beer glass like it was the only thing keeping him stable as he shrunk in on himself.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m sure half the people here would say the same thing,” Katsuki said, putting a hand on Izuku’s neck and rubbing gently.

“So… why’d you pick me?” he asked.

Katsuki smirked.

“You looked like you could use some company,” he said, and then allowed his eyes to drift over Izuku’s body again. “And you’re just my type.”

Izuku practically gasped, his whole body shivering as he looked up at Katsuki, and Katsuki couldn’t decide if it was the cutest thing or the hottest thing he’d ever seen, but either way he wasn’t going to wait any longer; he leaned in and stole a kiss.

“Oh, wow,” Izuku said, seemingly involuntarily, when their lips parted, and Katsuki knew he’d bagged the kill.

Izuku’s chest shivered under his hand as it slid up his shirt, the other grasping at the hair behind his head, but not pulling too hard. In the course of a few hours, he’d learned just about everything that made Izuku tick; he liked Katsuki cocky, even a little mean, but ultimately knowing that Katsuki wanted him, that Katsuki thought he was fucking perfect, made him literally melt; he liked Katsuki’s bad boy get up, but he didn’t like it when he was rough, he wanted him to be gentle, almost verging on torturous; he liked that Katsuki took the lead, but it wasn’t so much that he got off on being persued, just that he was too nervous to do the persuing himself.

So after two beers and some dancing, after his friends had basically abandoned him to the whims of the handsome stranger, Katsuki led him to the bathroom for a little privacy and pushed him up against the cold tile wall for a handsy make-out session. The goal, of course, was to get Izuku to say those magic words – Can I take you home? – but if he didn’t, Katsuki felt pretty confident that he’d say yes if he asked the reciprocal question.

“Hah,” Izuku breathed out a half-moan as Katsuki squeezed his waist and mouthed at his neck, his movements practised, calibrated to ensure his prey was falling into the trap. Izuku’s arms hung over Katsuki’s broad shoulders, fingers tangling in the fabric of his tank-top and slowly pulling it up, mostly by accident, and Katsuki couldn’t help admitting to himself that this was the most fun he’d ever had on an assignment. They hadn’t even gotten to the good part yet, but hell if he wasn’t tired of letting men twice his age grope him in dirty bathroom stalls. Sure, they were still in a nasty-ass bathroom, but at least this guy was within a year of his age and liked it when Katsuki was, you know, himself.

“W-wait,” Izuku suddenly whispered, hands coming down to press against Katsuki’s chest.

“Yeah?” he asked, pulling his face away just an inch or two.

“I don’t even know your name,” he said.

“Kat–” he started then paused. Shit. They didn’t usually ask that, and when they did, he certainly didn’t answer with his own name. “Katsuo,” he said, wincing internally at how similar it was to real name.

“Katsu…” Izuku trailed off, running a hand down one of Katsuki’s cheeks. “Can I call you Kacchan?”

Katsuki chuckled.

“Sure. Now, what do I call you?” he said, nosing and nipping gently at Izuku’s neck again. Izuku practically squirmed in his grasp, an involuntary whine in his throat.

“Izu… zuku…” he stuttered out.

“Izuzuku?” Katsuki question before sucking at the sensitive junction between throat and shoulder.

“Ah! No, you… I can’t even… t-talk,” he said.

“You’ve got it so bad for me that you can’t even say you’re own name?” Katsuki asked, whispering in Izuku’s ear. He knew the alcohol was playing a part, too, but Izuku liked being teased.

“It’s Izu… it’s… I…” he trailed off, his voice suddenly sounding strained.

“Huh?” Katsuki pulled back, trying to get a look at his face, but suddenly Izuku’s grip on his shoulders was so tight, the guy’s face crashed into Katsuki’s chest.

“I don’t wanna lose my virginity to a stranger!” Izuku shouted, and between the wetness on his shirt and the quality of his voice, he was sure now that Izuku was crying.

Maybe he’d gotten him more drunk than he thought.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Katsuki said, trying to sound comforting as he peeled Izuku’s tear-stained face off of his chest. “It’s okay. We don’t have to…” he started, and then realized with a start that if they didn’t, it was game over. Katsuki wouldn’t get the job done.

“I’m sorry,” Izuku shook his head, hands covering his face as he stepped out of Katsuki’s grasp. “I ruined it, didn’t I? Eveything was going so good and then I opened my stupid mouth and…” his words devolved into sobbing.

“No, no, no,” Katsuki shook his head, reaching out to smooth his hands over Izuku’s shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m not, fuck, I’m not the kinda guy that expects everything after one kiss. But I… I like you. I mean, shit, man. We have chemistry. So if you need me to, you know, take you out to dinner first and all that, I’m down. I’m so, so down…”

Izuku peeked up through his hands, those big green eyes shining, and asked, “R-really?”

And in that moment, Katsuki felt his resolve snap.

“Yeah,” he nodded, reaching out to wipe the tears from under Izuku’s eyes with his thumbs, the tips of his fingers brushing those messy green curls. “Believe me. You I can wait for,” he said and leaned down to press a soft kiss against Izuku’s lips.

And then he started crying again.

“I like you too…” he said, smiling shakily up at him. “I like you a lot, I… can I give you my number? Can we… can this not be the last time I see you? Please?”

“What the fuck did you think I meant by take you out to dinner?” Katsuki asked, taking his phone out of his back pocket and letting Izuku put his number in. Everything happened so quickly, then: getting Izuku calmed down, kissing some more, getting ready to leave, kissing again, saying goodbye, running across the parking lot to kiss one more time, and then finally, finally, Katsuki was sitting alone in the driver’s seat of the company car with the engine off.

“Fuck,” he said. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he punched the passenger’s seat, a wave of shame and anger washing over him.

Not only had he failed, he’d done the worst thing imaginable.

He caught feelings.