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Up, Up, And A Peter

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Lois drives up to the driveway and runs into the Griffin house excitedly. Running into the kitchen, she sees Peter, Meg, Chris, Brian, and Stewie eating their dinner. "I've got some excellent news, guys!" Lois exclaims! "They have Botox for babies? Starting to get bags under my eyes...." asks Stewie. "What's the good news, my beautiful?" asks Peter. Lois says, "At the grocery store they were giving away free movie tickets! And I got free tickets for all of us to go see Welcome To Marwen tonight!" Everyone was happy about it expect Chris.

"OMG! I love Steve Carell! I've been wanting to see this movie for a long time! Perhaps he'll be there for an autograph signing......" said Meg with a dreamy look in her eyes. Stewie cuts her down, "You think Steve Carell will want to have anything to do with a ass rag like you? HA! In your dreams, Meg!" Peter agreeing with Stewie, "You heard your little brother, shut the fuck up Meg!" Chris was outraged. "Now hold on here a minute! Of all the movies that are showing, why were there only free tickets to Welcome To Marwen! Anyone seen the trailer to that? It's so stupid!" Brian says, "Maybe this movie will be a good educational experience for all of us. The man in this Mark Hogancamp is the victim of a hate crime, and it can inform us all about how much damage and truama hate crimes can do to people." Peter walks to Chris, "Yes, Chris! You have to come see this movie with us. Think of it as a live action Toy Story!!"

Chris shouts, "NO! I still won't go! I'll just stay home and watch whatever is on Netflix!" Lois grows worried, "The movie is on at 7 at night. It would not feel good to leave you all alone here at night."

Peter said, "She's right Chris. This'll at least be better than that Hogan's Heroes movie we saw last month where Will Smith played Hogan."

"I can stay here and take care of myself while you guys to go to the movie!" Chris pleaded.

"You know, I'm siding with Lois here, What're you going to do here alone, Chris? You'll be so bored you'll regret not coming with us. What if some vandals come to the house? What'll you do then?" asked Brian.

Chris stood on the table and answers, "I'll take them down Home Alone Style!"

Brian begins to laugh as did everyone else. "You really think robbers are really bungling dumbasses in real life?" "It's awesome to laugh at Chris for once. Since everyone is always laughing at me." said Meg.

"Let's put it this way, Brian, criminals are stupid to begin with. They're bound to have some kind of weakness!" said Chris.

Brian drags Chris into the living room. "WOAH! What the deuce Brian!" Chris snarled. "Hey, that's my line!" Stewie calls out.

Shoving Chris onto the couch, Brian puts in a DVD. "What are you going with this, Brian?"

"We are going to watch a scene from the classic movie Cape Fear with Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck." said Brian.

Turning on the DVD and presses 'play movie' on the DVD menu, Brian shows Chris some scenes from Cape Fear. Sounds effects and screaming are heard from the movie. Brian points to the screen and says, "HUH! HUH! Think you can defend yourself against that! HUH! HUH! Look at that! Look at that! See how helpless they are! There's no escaping and overpowering Max Cady here! See that! See that! See that!" Chris finally gives in. "All right! I'll go see the stupid movie! You win!" "That's what I thought." said Brian.

"Did it work?" asked Peter. "You have him quite a reality check, hey, Brian!" said Lois. Brian gave a thumbs up, "I think we broken him!" Later that night the Griffins went to see Welcome to Marwen much to Chris's perturbation.

The next day, Stewie was on the driveway looking like he was wielding something. Brian comes outside to see. "Hey, Stewie. What're you inventing today?" Brian emphasized 'inventing' as if he sees Stewie invent something everyday. "A fly scooter." Stewie said causally. Brian observed Stewie's invention. "Hmmm, more like a flying surfboard. Didn't I see one of those in Point Break?" asked Brian. "I'm trying to adjust the handlebars here, I need complete concentration." said Stewie. "Uh, whatever!" said Brian walking away.

Once Stewie was done with his fly scooter invention, he invites Brian to come take a look. "Brian! Brian! Want to come see that I had made?" asked Stewie. "You didn't want me to before, so why should I bother?" pondered the Griffin family dog. "I did tell you I needed concentration and no distractions." explains Stewie. Brian gets up from sitting so comfortably on the sofa writing this third novel on his laptop. "Okay, as Peter Frampton once said, 'Show Me The Way'."

Leading Brian to his latest invention, he was quite impressed. "Wow! It's about time technology invents something like this. You can really get around, go where ever you want......." "That's the whole point. Nobody involved in STEM doesn't seem to take on the burden of coming up with technology like this. It's always cellphones, IPADS, and iphones, or what have you." said Stewie. "Is this for when we go on our adventures?" asks Brian. "Nope, I will show it to the Inventors Convention this Saturday. So, Brian. It's now up to you do watch over it until then so it won't fall into the wrong hands." said Stewie.

"You can trust me, Stewie! Think of all the money you can make with this! If it becomes popular enough this would be awesome for people who can't afford airline travel." Brian said.

"Why did I have the feeling you were going to get all liberal douche about this? Helping poor people travel. " Stewie said rolling this eyes.

"Well why not, right? It shouldn't be just all about the money." said Brian.

"It is all about making money, Brian. Now remember what I told you to do, and be sure this isn't seen by anyone else. Don't show it to Lois, Quagmire, Joe, especially the fat man!" warned Stewie.

"Absolutely." promised Brian. "We both know how curious Peter can get. I will do all I can to make sure this will not be known by anyone expect you and me."

"Excellent, Brian! I knew can I count on you. Did you know that was the name of the theme song from My Two Dads?" asked Stewie. "Actually I think it was You Can Count on Me." pointed Brian.

Lois picks up Stewie, "Oh Stewie! There you are! Ready for a fun filled day at daycare today?" Stewie tells Brian as he was being carried by Lois into her car, "Remember, Brian! Trust no one!"

 

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One hour turned into two. Three hours turned into five. Brian was growing painfully tired watching over Stewie's fly scooter. "What the fuck is taking Stewie so long!" Brian shouted out. He sees a figure in the distance and assumes it's Stewie running away from daycare. "Good, that must be him now. From the looks of things maybe Miss Emily got out of prison." thinks Brian out loud. Miss Emily was that abusive day care teacher that Brian had briefly dated then turned her in for abuse and neglect when she showed Brian a guy she was cheating on him with. The figure grew closer and it was really Chris on a cellphone talking to Herbert. "Oh Herbert! It was terrible. Last night sucked total ass! They made me see that putrid movie......."

"Still not over that I see." Brian said to himself. Tapping his foot, "Oh shit! Come on! How long does it take to get back from daycare!" Brian says. He sees another figure walking to the house. "Please let that be Stewie! PLEASE! STEWIE! COME ON! I haven't got all day......" Brian begged. The figure walks closer and it was Meg on a cellphone. Sobbing she cries into her phone, "What do you mean you like Connie D'Amico better than me! What does she have that I don't......"

"Double shit! Can a guy get a break around here!" Brian yelled. Getting fed up with watching over Stewie's fly scooter, Brian decides to take a small break. Putting a sheet over the fly scooter. "I gotta be able to at least take a piss!" The sheet Brian used was an old sleeping bag of Peter's that had the cartoon Silverhawks on it. Brian says to himself, "Okay, just going to take a pee, then get a drink, then I'll get back on it. Not like I got anything better to do." Going to the bathroom, Peter steps outside and takes a deep sniff. "Smell that outdoor air!" Peter sees his old sleeping bag. "A-ha! So that's where my Silverhawks sleeping bag was. Lois told me she gave it to a children's hospital! Hmmm. Children's Hospital? Whatever happened to that Adult Swim show anyway?"

Taking off the sleeping bag, Peter sees the fly scooter. "Woah! No way! What kind of holy freaking sweet shit is this?" Taking a closer look at the fly scooter Peter says, "Could this be? Are those flying skateboards from Back To The Future Part 2 have finally been invented? Think I'll take this baby out for a little spin! I'm reminded of another TV Show! Spin City! hee hee hee hee hee hee! Another Michael J. Fox reference!" Climbing aboard the fly scooter, Peter presses a button and it lefts off. Slowly rising Peter into the sky. Peter was impressed with the results.

Wanting to move forward, Peter tries pushing the handlebars ahead. "Wow! Haven't been this up high before. Expect when I took those airplane trips with Quagmire and when I went on that sky diving kick." Peter decides to fly around the city of Quahog. "So beautiful, who knew Quahog looked so small from up above! Makes me love my town even more." Deciding to circle the town once more Peter says to himself, "Just one more time then I'll put it back!" Peter also wonders where the fly scooter came from. "Wonder who thought up on this? Did someone buy this on Ebay or something? Uh, Oh well." Going around the city of Quahog once more, Peter said, "This must be how The Jetsons feel like everyday." Trying and wanting to land the fly scooter, Peter tries to find the brakes.

"Boy, that was fun! There's gotta be some brakes on this thing. I want to land now." Peter sees a button on the middle of the handlebars and goes to press it. "Maybe these are the......" Once Peter pressed the button, it was a huge mistake. The fly scooter then proceeds to accelerate up to 100 mph fast speeds. Taking Peter with it. "WWWWWOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Back at the Griffin home, Brian gets out of the bathroom, and puts an empty alcohol bottle in the recycling bin. "OKay, let's get back to guarding Stewie's stupid........" Being in for the shock of his life, Brian sees the fly scooter is gone. "AAAHHHH! Oh no! Who stole this! Aw, fuck! Stewie's going to murder me! He'll beat me up worse than when I didn't give him his money for that boxing bet!"

Lois parks up to the driveway and carries Stewie into the house. Stewie leaps from Lois's grasp. "Oh, ha ha ha!" laughs Lois. "Looks like he wants to play. Go ahead and play honey!" Stewie comes up to Brian and asks about the fly scooter, "Well, Brian! I assume you have my fly scooter in your safe custody?" "That's a weird ass thing to say? Safe custody!" Brian spurts off. "Woah man! Have you been drinking again?" Stewie shouts. "No I was here all day....." Brian said then trying to distract Stewie. "Hhhhey, I heard there's another boxing match on! Want to make a bet on it? Remember how much fan we had with that....... And don't worry about your fly scooter......I took care of it like it was my baby!"

"WHAT THE FUCKING DEUCE!" screams Stewie. "Shit! He found out!" said Brian. Marching up to Brian, Stewie was furious as hell. "I gave you one job to do! One fucking job! This is how you show me your competence!"

"Stewie wait! Allow me to defend myself. Meg stole it! I saw her!" Brian said.

"Don't give me that BS Brian! Tell me know! Where is my scooter!" Stewie yells in Brian's face.

Brian confesses, "I just got tried...."

"Tired! Tired! Haven't you ever heard of that Five Hour Energy Drink." Stewie shouts madly.

"I took a bathroom break then I had a little bit of a drink......" Brian stammered.

"That tells me everything! When I get through with you, you're going to wish you were never......" Stewie rolling up his short sleeves, was about to go psycho on Brian. As Peter Griffin flew over both of them on the fly scooter.

"LOIS!! CHRIS!! BRIAN!! STEWIE!! AND MEG NO HELP FROM YOU! GET ME OFF THIS!!!!!!"

Brian and Stewie both looked up in the sky. "Guess you're in the clear now, Brian. Sorry I've ever doubted you." said Stewie.

"Yep, Peter was the one who stole it! The real culprit!" Brian implied. "How dare he, right?"

 

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Overwrought and distraught that she can't find her husband, Lois runs out of the house. "Oh my gosh! I can't find Peter anywhere!" Chris runs out as well as Meg. "Dad's missing! Maybe we can file a missing father's report. Or send out an amber alert!" Chris suggested. "I can't believe my boyfriend dumped me for Connie!" cries Meg. "Fuck your problems, Meg! Your father is missing! Don't you care about that!" Lois shouted at her drama queen daughter.

Brian tries to explain what happened, "Peter isn't missing. He is in the sky on a runaway flying scooter."

"What exactly do you mean?" asks Lois.

"You see, Peter bought a flying scooter online and he's been stuck on it ever since." said Brian.

"But, there's no such thing as flying scooters!" said Lois. "Anything can exist in the cartoon world Lois." said Brian.

Lois comes up with a plan. "OKay, we'll call Joe and see what he can do."

Stewie seethed with anger, "Oh Peter is going to be in so much trouble when I get through with him!"

The Flying Scooter was still going at unbelievable uncontrollable speeds. Peter kept crashing into buildings but this time, he couldn't help it! The Flying Scooter takes him into Pewterschmidt Industries.

"Shit! I'm going to run into Carter's company!" screams Peter in fear. The window to the top floor building smashes causes lots of destruction. Carter was inside going over a report, "Sales are ahead by 100%!" said Carter, then the flying scooter sails across Carter ruining his office. "Sorry Carter! It isn't my fault this time!" Peter shouts. "Damn you Peter Griffin! Fucking asshole! You'll pay for this!" Carter shouts out.

Coming out of Pewterschmidt Industries, Peter is about to fly inside another building. "FUCK! I'm headed straight for that Tesla building!" Peter cries out.

The Flying Scooter takes Peter into the Tesla building, but this time the window was open. Sailing past the inside of the Tesla building, all the cars were flying around as was broken glass and car parts, getting broken and landing on people causing a bloody mess.

Peter yells, "Please forgive me Elon Musk! I can't help it that I'm stuck on this scooter!"

Yet there was another building Peter was going to crash into, the scooter was leading Peter into a woman's locker room at the YMCA.

"No please! Not the YMCA! The Village People are going to be so mad at me!" Peter screams.

The Scooter flew into the YMCA and it flew past the woman's locker room. The women inside were screaming in fear. Flying out of the YCMA, Peter was covered with bras, panties, and thongs.

Getting the unmentionables off himself, Peter says, "Hmmmm, this wasn't so bad! But still! I want off this piece of shit!"

At the Quahog Police Station, Lois reports to Joe about Peter's latest tour de force.

Joe tries to comprehend, "What you are saying Lois is that Peter is on a runaway flying scooter?"

"That is correct Joe. Please tell me you're going to do something! Peter is going to get killed!" Lois whines.

"Afraid there's not a thing we cops can do." Joe said with concern. "Believe me I would like to help."

"We need some guidance here! What're supposed to do?" asked Lois.

"Try some branches of military. I'm done here." said Joe.

Brian tells Lois, "You know, Joe is right. Let's ask the Army and see if they can intervene. We need the military for this."

"You're right, Brian. " said Lois.

Brian, Lois, Chris, Meg, and Stewie visit all the branches of the military and every last one of them lets them down and refuses to offer any services.

They go to the Army and get no help..

"NO!"

Then the Navy and get no help....

"NO!"

Trying the Air Force and got nowhere....

"NO!"

Then finally The Marines!

"NNNNOOOOO!!!!"

"One last thing to do. Report it to the news." said Brian.

"Or we can try GoFundMe!" said Meg.

"That's a definate no-no! We are not getting social media involved so forget it!" Lois snaps at Meg.

The Channel 5 Local News in Quahog has a news report about Peter Griffin on a runaway flying scooter.

"Good Afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker." "And I'm Joyce Kinney."

Tom Tucker reports, "Our top story today, local gormless moron Peter Griffin is sailing around the Rhode Island skies on what appears to be a UFO of the sort."

Joyce adds, "That's right Tom, but however it's not a UFO it's actually a flying scooter."

"Flying Scooter? Really? That can't be right. Anyway, moving on. His family says he keeps flying into buildings and yet cannot help himself whenever he flies into building causes massive damage." said Tom.

"Tricia Takanawa is on the scene, Tricia?" Joyce says.

"Tom and Joyce I'm standing here....." Tricia was then blown away by the force of Peter on the flying scooter. "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" Tricia then lands in Ollie William's mouth that has Ollie rolling on the ground. "HMPH! HMPH! HMPH!"

Watching the news report at home. Meg responds panicky and sobbing, "Oh no! Everyone is going to know that's my father! My school will never let me live this down!"

"Everyone already knows Peter is our father!" said Chris putting Meg in a sleeper hold until she dropped on the ground.

"Don't worry, Lois. Somewhere somehow. We will get help for this." assured Brian. "I hope you're right, Brian!" said Lois. "Somebody better get the fat man down in time for the Inventors Convention which'll start at any minute! If it doesn't there will be serious hell to pay!" said Stewie.

Someone else far away was watching the news report and turns off the TV. Sitting on his couch was none other than Ernie and Chicken. Who then goes to make a phone call. Ernie's wife asks Nicole asks him, "Honey, where are you going?"

Ernie tells Nicole, "I'm going to be away for a while.......So you take charge! Give the kids my love!"

 

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In a plain open field, Ernie stands in the middle. He does his trademark cluck and a whole bunch of chickens such as himself appear before him in fighter jet planes about ready to launch into the air.

Before the launch into the sky. Ernie demonstrates his plans to his fellow chickens who were in the fighter jet planes. The chickens know knew they had to shoot down Peter Griffin in the runaway fly scooter. Ernie gives the chickens in the jet planes his signal. Standing over a radar he spots Peter about to go over the Rhode Island-Connecticut border. Ernie screams into the dispatcher to his chicken friends "FIRE!" Then gives off his loudest cluck he can deliver.

Peter still flying around. "Will anyone ever find me and get me out of this one! I hope so! I don't know how much more of this I can take! I even flew past that salesman from that 1990 Puritan Oil commercial that one who was stressful!"

A swarm of jet planes flew to Peter like a pack of bumble bees. Peter could not be more happier. "Aww sweet! I'm saved!"

Lois, Brian, Chris, and Stewie hear the jet planes over head and run out to see what was going on. They saw Peter surrounded by the jet planes in the air.

"Yes! Yes! He's rescued! I knew someone would assist!" Lois cheers on. "Peter, Peter! This is Brian! If you can hear me! Those planes are going to get you down!"

"Those planes don't look very friendly..." said Chris in a worried tone.

The jet planes shoot at the fly scooter until it such a time it will crash on the ground.

Lois gasps, "No! Please no! Don't hurt my husband! For once he destroyed things and it wasn't even his fault!"

Peter screams, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! NNNNNNOOOO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET ME DOWN, NOT KILL ME!"

However, Peter was not dead. Some bullets went into his arm and his ankle.

Chris cries, "Why! Why! Why! Couldn't those jets try something different to help Dad? Why must we always resort to violence!"

Stewie grew livid with an anger that consumed him, "Those bastards! They ruined my creation!"

The fly scooter was now going to crash land. Peter holds onto dear life. Peter even prays, "Dear God in Heaven. Hallow Be Thy Name........"

Lois, Chris, Brian, and Stewie ran to where Peter was going to land. Much to Stewie's annoyance, Peter was going to land on the Inventors Convention.

"NO! NO! He's headed straight for that convention, Brian!" screams Stewie. "Let's go!" orders Brian.

Ernie the Chicken uses the dispatcher and calls out to his fellow chickens in the jet planes. "We got him! Great work, chickens!"

The chickens in the jet planes cheered as they flew down to meet Ernie again on the plain field.

At the Inventor's Convention, a judge is talking to the audience. "We have a wonderful gathering here tonight in which we inventors......"

The judge hears a squealing sound that was coming into the direction of the Convention. "Oh shit! Run for cover!"

The fly scooter lands where the audience was sitting. They got away just in time so nobody was hurt. Peter came down and landed next to the judge.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD! I am so so sorry! I am so so sorry! I didn't mean to cause this destruction! I swear!" Peter pleaded. "Sir? Just what the fuck are you talking about?" asks the Judge.

"I was joyriding in the fly scooter." explained Peter. "Did you sir invent this?" Peter decides to take the credit for it and says, "Well, yes I did!"

The Judge calls out two women in bathing suits and gives him a huge check. "BLAST! Damn the fat man! DAMN HIM TO HELL!" screamed Stewie.

"Did I win anything?" Peter asked astounded. The Judge said, "Indeed you have! A check for $1000000000000 for creating the Invention Of The Year!" People in the audience yelled out their hoorays. "Wow! What I thought was the worst day of my life, turns out to be the best day of my life! I'll take it!" Peter gladly accepts.

The Fly Scooter began to make a beeping sound repeatedly until it exploded. Everyone in the audience runs away. The Judge takes back the check. "You're nothing but a failure. You don't deserve this!" Peter sits and wallows. "This really is the worst day of my life!"

Lois, Brian, Stewie, and Chris run to Peter. "Peter! So happy you're okay!" Lois hugged her husband. "Aw, Lois! I was just trying to have some little fun until......" Peter was cut off. "It doesn't matter. At least you're safe." Lois said. Brian joining in, "If that fly scooter hadn't exploded, we'd be millionaires by now. But however, I am glad it did. Money doesn't buy happiness anyway. We didn't really need it."

Peter says, "For some reason Brian, I am pleased to hear you lecture me about not needing a lot of money." Chris runs to hug Peter, "Dad! Dad! You're fine! I was so worried you were going to die!" "Daddy's here Chris! Daddy's home!" Peter said. "And home is where we'll go." said Brian. Lois sees the judge with the check and says, "Hmmm, he must be using the check to fix the damage this all caused."

Out of nowhere Stewie comes out with an old Casio Keyboard and hits Peter with it.

"PETER! HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!!!!" Brian said, "Stewie must've watched Carlito's Way on Amazon Prime last week."

"Stewie! Bad baby! Calm down this instant!" Lois demands. "Wow! Stewie's really mad!" laughs Chris. "Let him pound on me! I deserve it! Speaking of home, that is where I want to be right now." said Peter who gets up from the rubble caused by the explosion of the fly scooter proceeds to walk home with his family back to Spooner Street.