“Stop that,” David said in mock-irritation, his voice lilting as he pulled his fiancé’s hand away from the front of his jeans for the second time, though he was unable to hide his amusement. Patrick was a few shots into holiday cheer, and tipsy Patrick tended to get handsy. David was eager to make their polite goodbyes to Ray and his guests so that he could get him alone and enjoy those hands in privacy.
Patrick slid that hand around David’s waist to join the other one resting on his ass. He nipped playfully at David’s shoulder, then licked messily at David’s ear before whispering—well, what David assumed Patrick thought was whispering—“can’t help it. Yer so hot, wanna play.” Meanwhile, Twyla gave David a bright, if slightly uncomfortable, smile, and Ronnie just shook her head and clucked her tongue.
David made an apologetic little grimace toward the two women, tilted his head away from Patrick’s sloppy mouth, and took a step back. “Honey, why don’t you grab our coats so we can head out?” There’s cute handsy, and then there’s licking someone’s ear in front of Ronnie, most definitely not correct. David needed to get Patrick away from the crowd before this devolved into something more regrettable.
“I should probably get him home,” he said, reaching out to give Twyla a quick goodbye hug.
“Yeah. You better watch your boy,” Ronnie laughed, taking another long drink from her beer. “See that he doesn’t embarrass himself off the field, too.” David just shook his head; Patrick and Ronnie could keep that little feud of theirs on the baseball court, thank you very much.
“Goodnight. Happy holidays.” David headed in the direction Patrick had taken off in, hoping that they’d be able to make a quick exit. But, as David rounded the corner, he was once again reminded that he must have inflicted unspeakable carnage in a past life. Fuck.
Patrick was trapped by the washroom door, boxed in by Roland and Ray in the midst of a heated conversation about…something. David really didn’t give a shit what they were talking about; he just wanted to wrest his fiancé away from what promised to be a painful, long conversation that didn’t matter to him.
Patrick shrugged helplessly when David caught his eye, the corner of his mouth turned into a pitiful little grin. Even with whiskey-lowered inhibitions, Patrick was too nice to extricate himself from that conversation. They were going to be here for hours unless David took charge.
David briefly massaged the space above his eyebrows, willing the tension threatening to tangle itself into a headache to dissipate. He took a couple deep breaths and braced himself for an encounter with Schitt’s Creek most extroverted residents.
“Gentlemen,” David used his light and airy customer-service voice, “I need to steal Patrick away from you.” He smiled as brightly as his clenched jaw would allow, and maneuvered his way through the other two men. Patrick gave him a glassy-eyed grin has he nudged past Roland to Patrick’s side. With a gentle hand on his back, David guided him away from the conversation about Ray’s latest business venture.
Once they were clear of the washroom trap, Patrick wrapped an arm around David’s waist, hooking his thumb through the belt loop on his jeans. He rocked up on the balls of his feet and pressed a soft kiss to David’s temple, then his cheek. David pulled him in closer so that Patrick could tuck his face into the crook of David’s neck, peppering tiny kisses along David’s jaw as he nuzzled in close.
“You saved me,” Patrick crooned in an off-key singsong as he swayed them in an awkward little dance and continued to feather kisses along David’s neck. “My hero—” he broke off with a sharp intake of breath, and then looked at David with a grin equal parts shit-eating troll and heart-eyed puppy dog.
“There's a hero,” Patrick mouthed quietly against David’s ear, pausing to lick and suck at the spot just behind his lobe that he knew made David crazy.
“If you look inside your heart / You don't have to be afraid / Of what you are,” he continued, his voice growing louder and cockier—if that was possible—with each word, bolstered, perhaps, by the myriad expressions flickering across David’s face in a reaction overload. Irritation battled amusement, frustration butted up against fondness, and everything was magnified by the raw lust building up just beneath the surface courtesy of Patrick’s lips and tongue at his neck, his hips rolling gently as they pressed against David’s, showing David only too clearly just how much Patrick wanted him. This angel-faced, teasing little horndog was making it entirely too difficult to do things like walk and interact with people.
“There's an answer / If you reach into your soul / And the sorrow that you know / Will melt away,” Patrick was no longer pretending to be coy; his arms snaked around David’s waist, hands splayed across his back as he swayed them around the room. Overwhelmed at the earnest intensity of the whole business, David just melted into his fiancé’s strong arms, wrapping his own around Patrick’s neck as he closed his eyes and rested his temple against the top of Patrick’s head. He felt the familiar tug of a smile at the corner of his mouth and did nothing to stop it. Over the last few months, since their engagement, David found himself willing to let the smiles just happen, let them overtake his whole face and broadcast a sense of joy he had never known before. It was liberating. And it meant that in this moment, David just let himself be utterly delighted by Patrick’s impromptu serenade rather than worrying about propriety.
“You’re a troll. You know that, right?” David chuckled quietly into Patrick’s ear, nosing gently at the short hair of his temple. “And I love you,” he spoke the rest so softly that Patrick felt more than heard the words, “more than Mariah.”
At that quiet announcement, David was rewarded with his favorite Patrick smile—that wide-eyed, slow-motion grin that blossomed across his face, lighting David up from the inside out—as his fiancé leaned back to look him in the eye.
“Really?” Patrick breathed, his whole body lifting up at the question.
David was nodding furiously before he could form words, “Absolutely, love.” And with that, Patrick was on him like a man possessed, bringing both hands to David’s face and pulling him down into his eager mouth. His kiss was needy, messy, teeth and lips crashing into David's, Patrick’s tongue demanding entrance that David readily offered.
“God, I love you,” Patrick gasped as he licked into David’s mouth, his fingers carding through the back of his hair, “need you so much. Now.” Patrick was walking David backwards, pressing his body against David’s from hip to chest, moving with such purpose that David didn’t bother to wonder where they were headed, just held on and enjoyed the ride as Patrick maneuvered them through the room. This man was a goddamn make-out superhero, David thought to himself as Patrick manhandled him through the crowd, his mouth never leaving David’s.
And just as suddenly as they’d started, David’s back landed against a wall, eliciting a surprised, undignified grunt that made Patrick giggle. “You ok, babe?” he asked, voice husky with the promise of things to come, but before David could answer, he was pushing him through an opened door and into the washroom they’d just managed to get away from. Are Roland and Ray still out there? the question floated somewhere in the back of David’s mind, but before it could make its way to David’s mouth, his fiancé was on his knees before him, nuzzling against David’s crotch.
“Need your cock,” Patrick rubbed his face against the front of David’s jeans like a cat marking its territory, “need you inside me.” He looked downright pornographic as he gazed up at David, pupils blown with lust, licking his lips; just the sight of him on his knees like that made David’s dick twitch. David nodded, unable to make words happen, and Patrick just pounced. He worked, as quickly as his clumsy, tipsy hands would allow, to undo David’s fly, and then yanked down on his jeans...which did only slightly more than nothing, as they were ridiculously tight. “Daaa-vid,” Patrick whined, his pale brows knit together in frustration. David bit back a laugh and shimmied his jeans down past his hips. Patrick leaned in to mouth at David’s clothed erection before tugging his briefs down to his thighs.
“Much better,” Patrick hummed happily, eyes closing in pleasure as he slurped a wet stripe up the underside of David’s shaft. He swirled his tongue messily around the corona a few times before licking up to taste the precome beaded at the slit. David groaned at the sensation, let his fingers slide through Patrick’s hair, lightly scratching his scalp.
Without warning, Patrick took David deep into his mouth until the head bumped against his soft palate; he massaged the underside of his shaft with his tongue until David was muttering obscenities underneath his breath. He then slowly pulled off, flicking his tongue around the head before sliding David’s length back down into his throat. He continued this lazy, torturously slow blow job for what felt like hours, eons, until David was begging for release.
Patrick took one last, messy lick from base to tip before standing up, one hand loosely gripping David’s dick. “I have a surprise for you,” he murmured, voice raspy from swallowing David’s dick. “Wanna see?”
“Paaa-trick," David whined, a bit louder than advisable as he remembered the party just past the door. He lowered his voice to a silky whisper, "I wanna come.” Patrick took a few long, slow pulls on David’s cock as he leaned in for a kiss.
“Patience, love,” he teased, and then nipped at David’s lower lip. He tightened his grip around David’s dick, and started working to undo his belt with his free hand. “But if you help me with this, you’ll get your surprise faster.”
David whimpered against Patrick’s mouth, and then made very quick work of unfastening his belt and jeans. He palmed Patrick’s erection through his boxer briefs, and then thrust his tongue into Patrick’s mouth, hungry and seeking.
“So fucking sexy,” David groaned as he broke away from the kiss, pleased to see Patrick looking up at him, slightly dazed. He reached his hand inside Patrick’s underwear, sliding his thumb through the precome drooling from the tip of his cock, and brought it up to his mouth to taste.
“God, David,” Patrick whined, all semblance of control vanishing as he watched David drag his thumb out of his mouth. “Fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Now.” He peppered David’s face with light kisses, dragged his tongue along the stubble of David’s jaw. “Please.” He nosed at the pulse point on David’s neck, then licked and sucked on it. “Please,” and bit down. Fuck. Yes. David was fully on board with this plan.
“Let’s go home,” David moaned, “I’ll fuck you until the mattress, love. Give you want you need.” David leaned his head back to offer Patrick better access to his neck.
“Can’t wait, David. Now,” Patrick insisted, sounding more than a little petulant, and then he turned his back to David, so that they were both facing the vanity mirror. “Now.”
Patrick grabbed David’s free hand—the one not currently gripping his dick—and moved it to his ass. As he guided David’s fingers between his cheeks, he leaned forward to give David access.
David’s brain sputtered offline as he took it all in—his gorgeous, button-up fiancé bent over to show off the new plug David had given him earlier that night. “I’m ready for you now,” Patrick growled.
“Fuck, Patrick.” David gave the base of the plug a gentle tap that made Patrick moan. He reached for the base and started to move it, millimeters at a time, in and out of Patrick’s hole. Patrick fumbled in his jeans pockets and pulled out a small bottle. “So you had this planned?” David lifted an eyebrow accusingly toward his fiancé’s reflection in the mirror.
“I…aaaaahmmmmm,” Patrick replied incoherently, resting the back of his head onto David’s shoulder. “Please, David.”
David was nothing if not a generous lover. He slowly pulled the silicone plug all the way out and set it aside. He lubed up his fingers and immediately slid two inside, and when they met with little resistance, added a third, massaging Patrick’s prostate with his fingertips.
“Please, David,” Patrick’s eyes didn’t leave David’s reflected in the mirror as he fucked himself onto David’s fingers. “Now.” David leaned in and pressed a delicate kiss to Patrick’s temple, licked up the shell of his ear. He removed his fingers, grinning just a little at Patrick’s huff of disappointment, then poured some lube into his palm and rubbed his hands together. He reached around and gripped Patrick’s leaking dick with one hand and slicked up his own cock with the other. David took his time lining himself up with Patrick’s greedy, pulsing hole, teasing the head of his cock along the rim to the same torturously slow pace he was using to jerk Patrick off.
“Ready?” he asked, staring at Patrick’s reflection in the mirror, waiting for Patrick’s nod of assent. He stilled the movement of his hand on Patrick’s dick, and slowly started to push himself inside. David feathered gentle kisses along the back of Patrick’s neck and gave a few long, lazy pulls to his cock as he waited for Patrick to relax a little more around him. Patrick mewled and squirmed in his arms. “David, please.” Fuck. He was already wrecked and David was just getting started. This was gonna be good. Inch by inch, David pushed deeper until he was fully sheathed within Patrick’s tight heat.
David brought his free arm up to pull Patrick closer to him, shoving his hand so carelessly into his button-up blue shirt that a button popped off and went flying toward the mirror. He splayed his fingers over the center of Patrick’s chest, and tightened his grip on his cock. “Move, David,” Patrick muttered, his voice needy and wanting, bracing his hands on the counter so that he could rock his hips, grinding onto David’s dick and then thrusting forward into his hand. “Fuck me. Hard.” Patrick slammed his hips back, forcing himself onto David’s cock, and it was rough, so fucking rough that the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed off the walls, making David yelp. “Fuck, Patrick.”
And with that, David let loose, pounding into his fiancé’s perfect ass, hips thrusting in a furious rhythm. He gave Patrick’s leaking erection a rough squeeze and then loosened his grip just enough that Patrick could fuck into his slick hand. All the while, David kept his eyes glued to Patrick’s reflection in the mirror, delighted to see him fall apart from David’s ministrations—head thrown back against David’s shoulder, his hands moving to wrap so tight around David’s ass his knuckles were white, babbling as David fucked him to pieces. “So good. Fuck. me. Yes. Fuck. Me. David.”
David licked up Patrick’s neck and mouthed into his ear, “Open your eyes, Patrick. Look at me.” Patrick whimpered and struggled to comply, lifting his head up to meet David’s reflected gaze. His face was flushed, forehead shining with sweat, his eyes heavy-lidded and dark with hunger. “Feels…so…good…FUCK,” Patrick panted, “gonna come… so hard…for you…Wanna feel you—FUCK, DAVID.” David was hitting his prostate consistently now, making Patrick more nonsensical with every thrust; he could feel Patrick tensing up, hurtling toward the brink, and then he was there, coming over David’s hand, his release pulsing up toward the mirror and into the sink. As he came, Patrick brought one arm up to David’s neck and turned his head for an awkward, messy kiss, moaning as their lips and teeth collided.
“Wanna feel you come,” Patrick gasped against David’s lips as he took in a gulp of air, “Fill my ass.” He went in for another bruising kiss, tongue thrusting into David’s mouth as David quickened his pace. “Harder,” he grunted. “Wanna feel you tomorrow. Want your come dripping down my legs all the way home.” Fuck. David loved this filthy angel of man more than anything. He was so close; the blood was rushing in his ears, his whole world distilled to this moment, their bodies moving together, the slick of their skin, the smell of sweat and sex mixed up with Jocelyn’s snickerdoodles and the whiskey David could still taste in Patrick’s mouth. David tore his lips away to rest his forehead against Patrick’s shoulder, and then Patrick was crying out a litany of obscenities, punctuated by yes and good and David, and it was all David could do to answer back as he fucked harder, faster, “Gonna fill you up so good.” And with just a few more thrusts David was there, shuddering as he let himself go, his release shooting hot and deep inside Patrick’s ass, coming and coming until David was trembling, his body quivering from head to toe.
“Gotta…I’m gonna—…sit now,” he mumbled, pulling out quicker than he’d like to slide down onto the floor, knocking his head back against the door once he’d landed. “Wow,” he let out a breathy chuckle.
Patrick collapsed into a heap in David’s lap, feathering little kisses along his stubbled jaw. “Mmm-hmmm,” he agreed as he lazily kissed his way back to David’s mouth. “Very wow.”
“I liked my surprise,” David spoke huskily, in a fashion befitting the aftermath of a mind-blowing orgasm, opening his mouth to welcome Patrick’s eager tongue. He let out a surprised oof as the lazy kisses become more heated, as his fiancé’s cock began to stir against his stomach. “How are you real?” David playfully palmed at Patrick’s interested cock, “Settle down.”
“Don’t wanna,” Patrick was pouting now, hands reaching underneath David’s sweater to paw at his chest.
“Patrick!” Having begun to regain his equilibrium, David used his stern voice, grabbing Patrick by the wrists and pinning his arms behind his back.
“Not the way to get me to settle, David,” Patrick nipped at David’s bottom lip and pushed his now half-hard dick against him.
“This is not the place for round two,” David continued, but his voice came out weaker than he’d have liked. Fuck. Would it really be so bad just to suck him off here, he wondered. It probably wouldn’t take that long…
THUMP—THUMP—THUMP. The whole door rattled against David’s back. “Are you done in there?” Roland’s voice grated from the other side of the door, quickly reminding David of exactly where they were. He was suddenly all too aware of his bare ass resting on the cold bathroom floor, of the mixture of lube and come slowly making its way out of Patrick’s ass and onto his thigh.
“Not here,” David hissed, unceremoniously dumping Patrick off his lap and struggling to get to his feet. “Just a minute!” he called out, and then reached down to pull Patrick to his feet.
Glancing at the mess now dripping down his leg, David ordered Patrick to get the plug. “Good boy,” he murmured as Patrick complied, then leaned in close to nip at his ear. “I’m going to need you to listen very carefully,” David purred, “Bend over for me.” Patrick mewled helplessly as he leaned forward onto the counter. David scooped the lube and come from his thigh and brought his fingers to brush between Patrick’s cheeks.
David gently teased at Patrick’s entrance with two fingertips. “If you want to come again tonight, honey, you’re going to need to be quiet. Can you be quiet for me?” Patrick nodded furiously in response as David licked a wet line up his neck, and then pushed himself back onto David’s fingers, his leaking erection, a holiday miracle of epic proportions, bobbing against his stomach as he moved. Patrick started to wrap a fist around his dick, which David quickly swatted away.
“Hands off, Patrick. You're not coming again. Not. Here.” David pulled his fingers out of Patrick's needy hole, eliciting a tiny, frustrated whine. “Day-vid!” He gave Patrick’s reflection a stern, single eyebrow raise and waited. “OK, ok…I’m sorry,” Patrick breathed. David slid three fingers back in, teasing the spot that made Patrick whimper. “Hand me the plug.”
Patrick quickly obeyed.
Without breaking eye contact, David ghosted the tip of the plug up and down along Patrick’s crack until he was trembling, and then took it away. “Lube,” he held the plug up, and Patrick opened the bottle and dribbled it onto the tip.
David brought the now-slick plug back to Patrick’s eager hole and pushed the tip inside. “Are you going to be good, Patrick?” He stilled his hand and licked along the shell of Patrick’s ear—a test, challenging his fiancé to behave. “You’re doing so well, love. Being so patient,” he nuzzled his face into Patrick’s neck, sliding the plug deeper inside. Patrick’s knuckles were white where he was holding onto the counter; David could feel the tension through his shoulders as he worked hard to obey David’s command. David started moving the plug slowly, teasingly, eyes locked on Patrick as he struggled to not make noise. “I’m so proud of you,” he kissed the back of Patrick’s neck, grazed his teeth along the tender skin.
“COME ON IN THERE!” Patrick startled at the sound of Roland’s voice outside the door, but David stayed laser-focused on the task at hand. “Almost done,” he sniped back at Roland as he pushed the widest part of the plug in. Patrick’s eyes grew wide at the intrusion and then closed tightly as he bit his lower lip to avoid crying out in pleasure. “Such a good boy. When we get home I’m gonna make you forget your name,” David cooed, wiggling his jeans back over his hips, and then gave the base of the plug a rough tap. “Pull your pants up.”
David turned his gaze to his own reflection, did what he could to salvage his hair, and straightened out his sweater. He gave himself a satisfied smirk, pleased that he didn’t look as wrecked as the other man, still flushed and panting, even if he was ready to tear that gorgeous button-face apart.
“Now,” David pressed a gentle kiss to Patrick’s temple, “get yourself pulled together.” He wrapped his arms around Patrick’s waist and tucked his chin into the crook of his neck. “I’m going to go deal with that—he gestured loosely toward the door—while you do that for me, yeah?” Patrick just swallowed as if he were remembering how to breathe, and nodded weakly. “That’s my good boy,” David whispered against Patrick’s ear, and then moved to the door.
“You do not want to go in there now, Roland,” David plastered what he hoped was a passable friendly smile on his face as he stepped into the hallway, quickly shutting the door behind him. What’s something that Roland likes? After years of consciously avoiding contact with the mayor, David realized he had very little common ground for distracting small talk. “Have you and Jocelyn been enjoying that bergamot and white pepper oil you got last week?” he blurted, immediately regretting it as soon as the question left his mouth.
David considered it a sign of his immense personal growth, and of his enormous love for the fucked out man in the washroom, that he not only listened to Roland for the next several minutes, he did so while deliberately biting back his horror. As Roland yammered on, going into graphic detail about a particularly disturbing massage therapy role-play scenario, David gradually guided him away from the door until they’d arrived in the kitchen. There, thankfully, he could at least distract himself from Roland’s story with another Nanaimo bar.
A million eternities and two more brain-bleaching Schitt sex stories later, Patrick entered the kitchen holding David’s coat, still looking entirely too debauched for public consumption, shirt more unbuttoned than usual and walking like David imagined a cowboy would walk, if he’d just been fucked hard. As he raked his eyes over Patrick’s body, settling on that delicious pink spot at the base of his throat, David vaguely remembered the button that had popped off of his shirt.
“There you are David! I’ve been looking all over. Ready to go?” Patrick smiled shyly and leaned in to kiss David on the cheek before holding his coat open. David awkwardly finished his mouthful and slid his free arm into his coat sleeve. “Thanks, honey,” he spoke quietly to Patrick, then turned to Roland, “it’s been quite an evening, Roland. We’ll see you later.”
“Sure thing, Dave. You boys have fun when you get home tonight. Hope you enjoy round two…er, or would that be three?” Roland gave them both firm pats on the back and then turned on his heel, cackling as he walked away.
David’s eyes were wide in shock as he glanced at Patrick, who’d gone completely crimson.
“I think I need more whiskey. A lot more whiskey,” Patrick squeaked out, “But first…home.”
David quirked an eyebrow and sassed, “What a great idea. It’s a shame we didn’t think about that sooner.”
“Fuck you, David.”
“Of course, love. But first…home.”