"Nice place you got here," Cable said.
He'd come knocking at are-you-fucking-kidding-me AM, looking fresh and fruity and like he'd packed an extra pair of knives to stab Wade in the dick with in case of hugs, so Wade had said something like 'buh?' or maybe 'gah!' and gotten out of his way under the assumption that none of this would make any more sense in the morning.
As usual, he'd been 110% right. Except that there was coffee. And fried eggs and bacon.
"Red, did you - " Vanessa. Right. Well, that would be Cable sorted out then, and good riddance. "Hello. Who are you?"
"Cable," Cable said, giving her a once over that suggested Vanessa reminded him of his wife, which hurt Wade's feelings just a tad, not going to lie here.
Even if a boy already had a very nice girlfriend, that didn't mean he didn't still like to feel special from time to time.
"All right then." Vanessa gave Wade a look that suggested this was his problem.
Wade gave her a look back that hinted this was not a problem he felt equipped to deal with, Cable's aversion to love and affection being what it was, and anyway, he'd made coffee. And fried eggs.
"Yeah," Cable said. "So I'll be crashing here for a couple days. If that's all right."
"No?" Wade tried, but then Cable glared at him with that creepy Terminator eye of his so he added, "problem,", trying to make it sound like he'd been planning to do that all along.
"Great," Cable said. "Don't worry, I plan to earn my keep."
Wade's mind went to several places. Bad places. Deep, dark places.
"French toast, anyone?" Cable asked.
Very deep, extremely dark places. Places where the wild things dwelled, and maybe a unicorn or two, not that Wade had a thing for My Little Ponies or anything. Or watched the new TV show. Ever.
"So," Vanessa said. "Cable."
Wade considered mentioning that she'd been dead at the time and also, what was a knife in the dick between friends? These things just happened.
"He seems nice," she said.
"Ha!" Wade said. "That guy? He's a dick. Trust me, Ness. Total asshole."
"So what you're saying is, I should definitely get my strap-on?"
"Does this feel like we're moving way too fast to you?" Wade asked. "Because it kind of feels like we're moving way too fast to me, and these damn cuts aren't helping. Like, how did I get here? How did you get here? What happened to our clothes? What time is it even? Does anyone care?"
Cable grunted. Wade figured that he was taking it like a man, which made sense, all things considered, even if it didn't explain why Wade was feeling half left out and half turned on.
"You talk too much."
"Well, hey, you want me to stop talking, you know what to do," Wade said.
Cable grunted again. The sound was doing things to Wade's brains, inasfar as he still had any that were up and functional. "What?"
"Make me. Duh." Wade wondered if his humble self (or, all right, his not so humble self) would be able to get this much of a reaction out of Cable. He liked to think so. Size wasn't everything, after all. There was also girth and length and ... mouth feel, maybe? Smoothness?
Cable bared his teeth at him. "All right, smartass. Why don't you come over here and make yourself actually useful for once?"
"Ladies first?" Wade tried. True, he'd been thinking about it - who wouldn't?
"I'll wait," Vanessa said, leaning forwards to nip at Cable's earlobe. "Besides, I'm not a lady."
"He is," Wade said, because soon enough, it'd be him doing the grunting, and he had no intention of risking a single moment of that by starting an argument now. "He is such a lady." With Vanessa, that was. Cable, he could handle.
"Maybe I should cut out your tongue."
"Not if you want me to ever give you another blow job ever again you shouldn't."
"What?" Vanessa said.
"Again?" Cable said.
Wade did some quick thinking and fact-checking and decided that yup, he was totally in the clear here. "Sorry. Time travel. You know how messy that gets. But you totally did tell me you'd never gotten a better one ever. And you weren't talking about that drink Weas makes either. It was the real deal."
Cable grunted. Wade should be bored of the sound by now, and yet his dick clearly wasn't.
"You really do talk too much."
"Yeah, yeah. Heard it all before, tough guy," Wade said. "Talk to the hand."
"Babe," Vanessa said. "Speaking of hands, think you could give me one?"
"Left or right?" Wade asked. "And his or mine?"
Cable groaned. It made a change, Wade supposed.
"Babe," Vanessa said, in that tone that meant she meant business or rather: pleasure. Provided the person she was talking to got on with business.
"You know, you're really lucky you're cute," Wade told Cable.
"Fuck you, Wade," Cable said, which Wade figured meant he was at least getting with the program - a bit late, considering, but then, better late than never and anyway, given that Wade had seen by now what Cable was packing, yes, please?
"Not if I fuck you first," Wade said, more or less on auto-pilot. "Wait. Can I take that back?"