Actions

Work Header

Aziraphale did WHAT?

Work Text:

“So, I got in trouble a long time ago for doing too many, you know, miracles,” Crowley explained over French toast. Well, it was over Aziraphale's French toast. The demon was peeking over his dark glasses, showing what Aziraphale thought of as his snakey eyes.

“They wanted me to go tempt this guy in Venice, but I had to do it manually. I was waiting for him outside his house for hours. Turns out, he was visiting his mother, and I had to go racing over there.”

“Mm. that must have been fun. The canals, the bridges, the lovely little boats, the panna cotta…” The angel was lost in memories.

“Well, you wouldn’t know much about physical efforts, in your job, I wouldn’t think. Aside from praising God and the odd spot of dancing.”

“A lot of dancing. All night. You never know when some poor human might need a helping hand in a dance hall. Or at a wedding. Or a private club. Or, I don’t know, various places for dancing. So I felt it my duty to be on hand just in case.”

Crowley rolling his eyes. “Dancing. That’s hardly grueling work. I’ve danced in the line of duty. Plenty of times. Name some real physical work.”

“Well, I did a spot of wrestling this one time.”

“Wrestling? WRESTLING? Like with the capes and the funny names and the giant belt buckles?” Crowley’s mind was generating pictures like a picture-generating thing.

“No, proper wrestling.”

“And how did THAT come about?”

“Well, Heaven wanted to give a nomad a little boost in the direction of a multi-generational settlement. I was in the area, so I got the job.”
“They gave you a wrestling job.”

“Well, it wasn’t initially a wresting job. I was supposed to go talk to this man in the desert. He was busy with this and that, crossing rivers, taking all his wives and children and the rest over various bodies of water. Would not listen to a word I said.

“I didn’t want to put on the whole Angelic Form and scare him to death. I just improvised. I told him I’d wrestle him and if he got two out of three, I’d leave him alone. If I got two out of three, he’d have to listen to me.”

“And of course, he figured he’d be rid of you in five minutes.”

“Exactly! Because my corporation wasn’t as impressive in those days. Once we got started, I was thinking, I could do this for quite a while.”

“I’m not seeing it.” Crowley generated waves of skepticism. Nobody saw them, but several people nearby felt itchy and went home.

“Well, you’ll have to take my word for it. This man and I wrestled ALL NIGHT. I finally had to dislocate his hip.”
“You DISLOCATED HIS HIP FOR THE GREATER GOOD?”

“After that, he was plenty ready to listen to me. I had him change his name, and then I blessed him. I went on my way, he went on his, and Heaven gave my several prizes.” Aziraphale looked quite pleased with himself.

“I’d like to see you wrestle with someone all night.”

“Would you really? I suppose it could be arranged.”

"Just don''t dislocate my hip!"