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One year ago, if you asked Lance what he thought he’d be Twitter-famous for, he’d have given you quite the list of possibilities.

His affinity for anti-humor jokes.

His extensive sneaker collection.

Secondhand fame from being the father of his miniature dachshund Frankie. 

All of these possibilities are probable, acceptable, but most importantly, not what he’s Twitter-famous for. 


The reality?

good evening all just wonderin why 'vacuum cleaner' is a trending search on phub thanks




He still doesn’t know how it happened. Can’t nail down the Origin Tweet™ that kicked it all off. But the followers came flocking - no, pouring in. Like some kind of biblical following latching onto his vague PornHub shitposting. He doesn’t even link to the videos. So it’s not like they’re using him as a rec for spank bank material. They’re literally just there for him. For his bullshit.

And it’s not...bad. He’s not concerned or anything that his name and face are now forever attached to the concept of non-aggressively liveblogging porn. It’s actually kind of hilarious to him, if he’s being honest. No one at the sushi joint he delivers for gives a shit. And of course he can’t deny he loves the attention it gets him on Twitter. 

Especially when a certain someone seems to creep out of lurk-mode, Lance’s latest string of tweets apparently too much to pass up:

bro five thrusts and then a long pause aint gonna cut it this is why this vids 48min

ffs keep fucking him why are u stopping

hooooooomg fuck him

ok this is just sad i feel bad for this bottom i could fuck him better than this

bottom im so sorry honey u come to my house we’ll fix this

Their name is @heykogane. And they hoist themselves right out of obscurity and into a whirlwind they probably never intended to start.

@lance-mclaid do you even get off to these videos or are you too busy running your mouth

And Lance just stares at it. 


Then sends off the reply for everyone to see.

@heykogane id like to see u try to cum when the tops plowin away wearin a lucky charms shirt

He doesn’t get a response.




Lance is nothing if not a curious bitch.

So you know damn well he hops right on over to @heykogane’s Twitter. You know, to see what kind of person it takes to call out a friendly neighborhood porn liveblogger.

He doesn’t get very far. 

The only things he can glean are that 1) @heykogane is a dude, 2) @heykogane is a dude born the same year as him, and 3) he likes space. that’s science-themed? Or maybe all of that.

But yeah. No personal posts. No selfies. Just retweets from @NASA and @GoogleStreetArt and other unhelpful accounts. 

Oh well. 

It was probably a one-time-thing. No need to over-analyze.




It’s not a one-time-thing.

@heykogane returns. Gets bold. Waits for Lance to go off on another tangent (which isn’t that rare, let’s be honest here) and then swoops in for the kill.

Tonight, it’s revolving around a particular bottom in a particular video - shot in a spotless white kitchen with high ceilings that have their voices echoing. But that’s not what catches his eye.

my boi on bottom has a blink182 tat and thats how i know hes my boi 

The minimalist background means he can focus more on what counts. Who counts. 

lookin up my boi’s other vids holy shit hes fuckin cute

Honestly, how can you go wrong with a Blink tattoo? How can you possibly deviate from th-


nooo hes got a watersports vid. noo dont go where i cant follow </3

It’s a crushing defeat, but Lance knows his limits. Knows exactly how far he’ll go for the sake of a particularly cute bottom. Which… Is it just him, or does that seem to be the theme lately…?

He doesn’t get a chance to dive into any sort of worrying introspection. Not before his phone is lighting up with a reply notification, that is.

It’s him.

@lance-mclaid youre not gonna link to “ur boi”?

Lance can feel the little fizzle of interest immediately bubble up in his chest as his eyes scan over the username. 

Well well well…

They can definitely play this game again.

@heykogane no im a v jealous person and hes my boi not our boi

And he responds again this time - keeps it going.

@lance-mclaid pretty sure hes got other people watching his vids

@heykogane nope im all 59,643 views but good try

@lance-mclaid if thats true you need to get laid in real life. like big time.

And oh… The smirk that dances across Lance’s mouth as he sends it off...

@heykogane roger that babe pm me ur address

It almost hurts his face. Nearly sprouts little devil horns from the top of his head. But he can’t pass up the opportunity. Not when it’s right out in the open, waiting for him to pounce on.

@heykogane doesnt respond in any way, shape, or form.




Lance isn’t the only one entertained. 

All their replies are public and frankly, his followers might be just as intrigued with this guy as he is. 

There’s no doubt in his mind that @heykogane’s page traffic has skyrocketed since their fateful exchange several days ago - curious clicks that only bring people to science and street art retweets. 

Lance wonders if that’s part of the intrigue. Not knowing. Like... anything. 

Kogane is probably a last name? And his Twitter title is ‘kk’ so maybe his first name starts with a K too? But what does he look like? What’s he all about - you know, besides being sassy to people he doesn’t even know. There’s just so much undiscovered.

And Lance is nothing if not a curious bitch.



hey no offense but this is the worst top in the world and he needs to treat this bottom better dammn

ok full offense im callin this top out rn give that bottom a break. let him lie down or somethin instead of straddling ur sorry ass for 20min

doin all the damn work smh his legs are gonna give out

gonna invite all these bottoms that deserve better over to the apt. we’ll kick it until their tops decide to stop bein such dbs

It draws @heykogane out of hiding like clockwork, the lurker unable to resist the urge to comment on Lance’s sudden heroics.

@lance-mclaid taking care of your own i see

Lance huffs a laugh that startles Frankie out of his early bedtime on his lap. Of course Kogane wouldn’t be able to pass this-


Hang on. Did he just imply-...

Oh no, honey.

@heykogane sounds like ur imagining me as a bottom which is unsurprising rly since uve been wrong about everything else so far


@lance-mclaid dont have to imagine anything. your pics say it all.

Lance blinks, brain torn between being confused by the assumption and taking interest in the fact that he clearly hasn’t been the only one snooping.

He’ll go with the latter. To feed his own hubris. And because it’s a lot more fun.

@heykogane aw ur obsessed with my selfies thats cute

But Kogane is once again quick to snap back.

@lance-mclaid not obsessed. just noting how unsurprised id be to see you pop up in the twink subcategory 


God, Lance is so intrigued he could fucking die. 

He doesn’t even care that he’s being called out - if that’s even what this is, anymore. Because it’s starting to feel different with every reply. Less hostile. More...playful? Is it just him?

And now, with the ball in his court, how’s he expected to not play back? 

its ok @heykogane i kno this is actually just u dancin around how much u wanna fuck me

The response takes a while. 

A good long while.

Long enough for the ‘likes’ to wrack up right alongside the feeling that maybe he miscalculated. 

But then it comes in.

Right on target.  

@lance-mclaid you fucking wish

And honestly, Lance can’t help it at all.

@heykogane ;)





Twitter freaks out.


Demands - mentions upon mentions upon mentions and Lance is swamped.

They want answers. Want a face for the name. Want all the things that Lance has been wanting since Day Fucking One, so all he can do is reply to their tweets with the “bitch me too - the fuck” cheers gif and continue his regularly scheduled shitposting -

theres way too much stuff plugged into that outlet thats a fire hazard irl my dudes


that was actually a rly nice shirt idk why ur ripping it off him he coulda worn that out wiht the boys after


pls tell me this guys gonna take his socks off plssss tellllll meeeee hes gonna take his soooooocks offfffff

- because he gets really hung up on clothing details in particular. Always has, always will. And as long as everyone continues to react to his tweets, there’s no need to change anything, right?

Because continue they do, on top of the constant stream of ‘get a @heykogane face pic!!!’ that floods his notifications day and night. It’s enough to finally get on his nerves - to rile him up enough to actually do it, his own curiosity just as piqued.

interesting how @heykogane blasts my selfies but doesnt post his own 🤔🤔🤔

It’s bait. Not a flat-out request. Because he hasn’t had more than a few conversation threads with this guy, but it’s obvious that he’s not just going to offer them up freely. 



And he waits.




Three days pass. 

Not a single tug on the line.




On Thursday, while he’s waiting for a sushi delivery to drive, he posts a recent selfie of himself and Frankie - types gotta love playin with ur wiener! but immediately erases it 



Scans the notifications for one very specific name until-

Until it pops up several hours later.

two (2) weenies.

The rush of the game beginning once again has Lance sitting forward, Frankie’s long snout pointed up to him as he watches.

Here we go.

@heykogane could be 3 but u playin

He doesn’t wanna have to wait any more.

Doesn’t have to.

@lance-mclaid im not doing a selfie. 

@heykogane 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

@lance-mclaid i don’t need your twitter people coming after me

@heykogane we dont bite!

(About three hundred variations of ‘unless you want him to’ are replied underneath, which...doesn’t quite help Lance’s case. He can see that.)

On his lap, Frankie has settled, unaware of the tightrope his father is currently navigating.

It’s not gonna work this way. Not with an audience.

@heykogane DM me ;)

@lance-mclaid nah.


Alrighty then.

Maybe it’s not gonna work at all. 

Lance lets a hand drop to absentmindedly scratch behind his pup’s ear. 

He should let this rest. Let it deescalate. He may be a curious bitch, but what Kogane’s saying definitely has merit. There’s a good chance these people are also bugging him if they’re already bugging Lance. People Kogane doesn’t know. People he doesn’t care about. 

So he’ll let it rest.

Let it deescalate.

Will circle the wagons when he’s got another plan.




i never seen a frat bedroom this organized in my life i call bs




guess we’re not tagging for piss anymore ok good to know. woulda been better to know beforehand but




dudes just lit a jersey on fire? theyre standin in a forest bare ass naked dick n balls at the ready and they got lighter fluid and fire



It’s a Saturday night when Lance gets the notification, his screen illuminating his look of surprise as he shields it courteously under their table at the bar.

“No way.”

“What’s up.”

Lance glances back up to meet Hunk’s curious attention, it now fixed on him. 

Clearly he said that louder than he thought. 

“Oh - nothin’.” He immediately dismisses, although the beers settling into his bloodstream have him swinging right back around. “Guess who just DM-ed me.”



The little eye-squint that Hunk does before the name connects in his brain would be funny if Lance’s excited curiosity wasn’t about to spill over. “Oh shit - really?”

“Yeah dude.”

“What’d he say?”

But that’s just it. That’s what’s got Lance’s heart going a mile a minute. Because it’s not what he said. It’s not a text.

“It’s a pic.”

Around them, the music has settled into something muffled and indistinguishable - so far from important as Lance thumbs the app open, the hopeful press of his lips slowly morphing into one of interest as he takes in the photo waiting in his new messages.

Because it’s him.

It’s Kogane.

It’s a freaking selfie.


Hunk’s leaning in a bit over the table - clearly trying to recapture Lance’s attention but oooookay how can he possibly focus on anything other than this?


Lance’s grin is deadly, eyes still scanning. “He’s hot.”


“Oh yeah.”

“Lemme see.”

“Hang on.”

He can see Hunk take a sip across the table in his peripherals, attention now fanning back to the rest of the bar as he waits for Lance’s Moment to play out. Because he’s a good friend. And he knows about Lance’s Moments. And this particular Moment is gonna have to drag on a little longer because damn.

Kogane’s cute as fuck. Thick, dark hair. Darker eyes. He’s not exactly smiling - a natural mean-mugger, apparently - but who’s Lance to judge? (Well - you know - except for all the judging he’s doing currently.) If anything, it fits the vague idea of Kogane that he’s already got in his head. It all does. Everything except for the very interesting fact that he did end up sending him a selfie. Privately. And... 

Did Kogane just take this?

Did he just take this for Lance?

He honestly can’t tell where he’s at, but that hardly matters. All that matters is the shameless satisfaction of getting a face to go with the name. And a hot face.

Lance has to say something back.

how can someone so cute be such an asshole

It hits different now. When he gets a response. It hits completely different because now he’s got those eyes and that pout saying it to him in his head. A complete person.

same way someone so stupid can be so hot

Lance grins, reaching out for his beer so he can take a drink, eyes never leaving his phone.

Oh, this is gonna be fun.



An uneventful morning leads to an uneventful afternoon… Leads to an uneventful evening… An uneventful shift, Lance’s posture slumped over the booth’s table as he waits for a sushi order that needs delivery to come in.

It’s started to rain, but that’s fine. He’s used to dodging raindrops as he runs up to front doors now. And he can’t deny the calming effects of the neon reflecting in each one as they collect on the window next to him.

It’s peaceful. 


Creates the perfect backdrop to the private message that blips up from Twitter. 

i dont have to tell you not to spread that picture around right? like youre not ACTUALLY stupid correct?

Lance hums to himself, a small grin working its way across his lips.

lol nw wont spread it

So this could be a thing now? Kogane popping up first?  He’d be more than okay with that. 

altho u should definitely post some selfies on ur own just sayin

thats alright

A wider grin. A more pronounced tingle in his chest.

k just my dms then

Kogane wastes no time in responding.


So neither does Lance.





An order never comes in and Lance never dodges any raindrops.

But the night’s not a total loss.

And what’s borne from it in the days to come is worth it.




He’s alerted to it by his swarm of followers first. 

The unthinkable.

Kogane’s posted. Created content for the first time. 

To say Lance zooms over to his page at the speed of light is an understatement. And when he gets there, the others’ intrigue is beyond insane.

Because he’s done it. A selfie. But not - not really - because he isn’t the one taking the picture, someone else controlling the full body shot, his back turned to the camera as he looks up at a mural painted across the side of the building he’s standing in front of.

A selfie but not.

Kogane but not.

Lance’s smirk is impressed.

That sneaky fuck.

Alright, well he’s gotta retweet it, right? He can’t not. 

mystery man spotted n still somehow bigass mystery 🤔🤔🤔 more news @ 11

He sends it off into the Twitter-verse, not sure if he’s ready for the massive wave of notifications he’s about to receive, but already made up his mind on what he is ready for.

so i guess this makes me special huh

It’s right into Kogane’s DMs. And yeah, maybe it’s a little cocky, but there’s just something about the exclusivity of it all that he’s finding hard to ignore. Because all he has to do is scroll up a few messages and the Big Mystery is over, those eyes staring back at him like it’s a secret. Their secret.

C’mon. Tell Lance that’s not exciting.

The several hours that pass without a response don’t even begin to touch that.




you can think youre special if you want to

im gonna 

ok have fun with that

oh i am





Alright so Lance digs when this guy uses emojis. 

Even when it’s the slightly confusing combo of ‘eye-roll’ and ‘DTF’.

But hey, just one more thing that fits his vibe.





On Wednesday, Hunk chills on the couch with Frankie while Lance does some sorely needed cleaning. It’s not that they’re not on top of it, it’s just...they’re...- Yeah, they’re not on top of it. That’s what it is.

“We’re going to that Twitter convention thing again this year, aren’t we?” Hunk asks right around the same time Lance reaches the front door to start chucking shoes into the closet. “Or like-…‘I’m going with you again, aren’t I?’ is what I should ask.”

A pair of Nikes collide with forgotten Chucks, the pile growing ominous in the dark space. “Hell yeah, man,” Lance nods, continuing his job. “You know I gotta have you there.” He doesn’t hear anything from the couch, but doesn’t need to. “And we both need a lil’ change of scenery, y’know what I’m sayin’?”

That one gets a reaction. A groan of a chuckle that usually works its way from Hunk around this time of year.

And then, “Who’s gonna watch Weenie - Rachel?”

“I think Ronnie’s good to this time.”




Lance straightens, hands on his hips as he stares at the pile of shoes he’s merely transferred from in front of the door to inside the closet.


Yeah, that’s definitely a task for another time.




dont like that TMNT is trending on phub rn but what ru gonna do amirite

i mean besides stop searching for TMNT shit on phub

that’s something u could do

u could not search for TMNT porn 

anyway here’s wonderwall




hey rec me something

It’s a Monday night. Quiet. Lance hasn’t even been on Twitter for two minutes when the message swings in.

But it has his curiosity piqued immediately. Because...

ur asking me for porn to watch?

is that a problem

His bed creaks as he repositions himself, the springs loud against the crickets chirping outside his open window.

A problem?


hell no i got u man

whatre u into?

idc just gimme your favorite

Lance lets his phone rest on his chest, eyes scanning his ceiling as he slips into heavy contemplation. 

He’s never actually recommended videos to anyone before. Followers have asked him - still ask him - but he’s passed them over for the sake of his own sanity. But this one. He can’t ignore Kogane, can he? 

He doesn’t want to ignore him.

Alright then - he picks his phone back up, thumbs already tapping away - time to do some of his best work.

He settles on something chill. Nothing startling or spiked with any red flags. It’s a pretty short video - only about five minutes long - but it’s one of his favorites. Has a relatively cute couple. Doesn’t feature any of that over-the-top moaning that’s way too easy to come across these days. 

What’s best, Lance thinks as he runs through it just to make sure, is the closeness of it all - how tightly they’re pressed together - chest to back - the top reaching around to catch the bottom’s throat, firm but pleasant as he speaks in his ear while he fucks him.

It’s a good one. No frills. 

And Lance may feel a little bit of it already working at him as he copies the link into his message and sends it off. 

But only time will tell if it hits on the other end. Or completely misses. Or lands somewhere in between.

Only time.

Time that seems to stretch on forever.

And Lance isn’t gonna say that when he does end up jerking off, there’s a sliver of his imagination that slips into Kogane reacting to his recommendation. But there’s a little something extra there. Something heightened. Something a step or two deeper than just touching himself to a favorite video.

He won’t say it.

But that’s exactly what happens.




It’s radio silence straight through to the next night - something Lance has never been very good at.

so howd i do

It’s a little earlier than when they were doing this last night. But Kogane’s replies come in just as quickly as before.

it was good



The crickets are louder tonight. Moon is fuller. Air a little crisper as the breeze passes into his bedroom. 

And Lance isn’t gonna let this go so easily.

cmon u gotta give me a lil more than that

It’s when the delay seeps in. The clear thought from the other line. But then...

liked the bottom

There we go.


yeah he was hot 

so was the top actually

Lance smiles to himself, crossing his legs as he lays there, easily focused.

glad u recognize good taste

i do

gotta love some light choking too lol



doesnt always have to be light

The interest curling low in Lance’s stomach has him re-reading that last part. Has him contemplating - again - always contemplating. 

Because -

still talkin bout porn orrr

- because it’s not his business, but if Kogane’s just gonna offer that information like that…

not that im judging

no you have zero room to judge

watching teenage mutant ninja turtles fuck

Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa, he thought this was getting sexy!


i did NOT watch that shit i was just commenting on it trending!

wtf kinda guy u think i am???


u clearly didnt read the whole thread



Lance kicks around until he’s on his stomach, completely unaware of how stupid his smile is until his cheeks start to ache.

im never hooking u up again

thats fine

oh rly


i was just curious what you actually get off to

Okay well-...

Well okay. 


Wow, why does that make Lance kinda hot all over again?

well now u know

ur the only one

so i guess this makes me special huh

Ooo. Ooo okay, using Lance’s own words against him now. That’s just what’s happening, it seems.

Two can play that game.

u can think ur special if u want

i will


have fun with that

i already am



Lance is in trouble.




There’s a huge order to deliver on Thursday. Some sort of Thirsty Thursday situation but with sushi, he guesses. 

The clouds look about ready to open up, his steps brisk as he makes his way down the sidewalk and back to his car. 

Any minute now.

It’s all gonna pour down.

Any minute now.




He makes it inside.

Makes it in bed.

Makes it into the first layer of sleep when his phone lights up with Kogane’s notification.

A science account’s tweet detailing their attendance at the upcoming Twitter Convention. 

Asking fans to retweet if they too will be in attendance.

Kogane’s done it.

He’s retweeted.




“So. Guess who’s going to the con.”

“I dunno - Mark Ruffalo?”

“No. Kogane.”

A particularly pretty leaf floats past Hunk’s inquisitive eyebrow raise, joining the others on the trail just in time for his: “Huh… Gonna meet up?”

“We should, right?” Lance is hype. Giddy, almost. And it’s not just from the fresh air from their walk. “Like, that’s not weird? We should meet up?”

“I don’t think it’s weird.”

“Really? Can’t tell if I’m just thinking with my dick or not.”

Hunk stops their slow stroll as Frankie fixates on another fallen leaf. (It’s kinda been a recurring theme this whole walk.) “I mean… As long as you’re not just doing it to hook up.”


The hand that Lance throws up to his chest is dramatic. “As if I would ever!”

“You would. Ever.”

“I just wanna see how weird he is. You know - in the flesh.”


A gust of autumn breeze has the leaf beneath Frankie’s long snout fluttering away. Has Hunk wrapping his leash around his hand a little tighter. Has them back on track - ready to be distracted by something new.

But for once, Lance is the most focused member of the party.

“I’m gonna do it.” 

He’s gonna do it.

“Alright - godspeed.”

All it takes is a couple seconds. They don’t even stop walking. And as they venture deeper and deeper into the woods, Lance’s anticipation grows wildly.




@kogane ur goin to the con. im going to the con. meetup?



@lance-mclaid lol nah










So Lance doesn’t know how to read that. Doesn’t know if Kogane legit doesn’t want to actually meet up or if he’s just keeping up his normal front. But he’s not going to push too hard. Not yet, at least.

Twitter, on the other hand…

@lance-mclaid @heykogane OMFG DO IT

@lance-mclaid @heykogane literally when ever are u guys gona get a chance to meet up i mean cmon. god-tier opportunity. but that’s just me 💁🏼‍♀️

@heykogane if you don’t meet @lance-mclaid i’ll R I O T

It’s a campaign. A call to action. For a very brief moment in time Lance trends on Twitter and it may or may not be the sickest thing ever but listen. 

What’s it all for if nothing comes out of it?




The Night Before.

Everything’s packed. 

Plane tickets are sitting out.

Lance squeezes Frankie so tightly that they both might just burst.



The hand-off to Veronica is as depressing as it always is, but it has to be done! His little baby boy can’t stay home by himself for two days! Who will love him! And care for him! And clean up his pee when he gets too excited!


Veronica will do that.

It’s a necessary evil and Lance always hates it but it gets him where he needs to be - on the plane - touching down in Columbus - freshening up in their hotel room and then hitting the con floor with Hunk.

He misses Frankie but he doesn’t get a lot of time to dwell on it with all these people recognizing him and asking for pictures. 

It was surreal the first year. Is still surreal. 

His dumb ass? 

They recognize his dumb ass? And give a shit?

As surreal as it may be, the supreme boost to Lance’s ego is always welcome. And he has to admit, it is fun hanging out and talking to people about random shit with Hunk. Plus, Mark Ruffalo is definitely here. And Batdad. And was that just Josh Peck walking by them?

But it all comes back to the same thing. The same question. The selfie and then the curiosity.

“You gonna try to find him?”

And Lance just smiles. Just does a little knowing shrug and puts on the act that isn’t actually an act and says it.

“Guess we’ll see, huh?”


_ _ _


Three hours have passed. 

Three hours and Lance is getting tired, but Hunk is keeping him sane. Keeping him hype. 

He loves this man, he swears to God. But he absolutely needs a little break.

The hallway to the bathroom is wide but so much chiller - the perfect place to let the insanity of the con floor melt away for a moment.

“Hey man - you got the time?”

Lance bypasses his longing stare at his phone background of Frankie to focus on the clock display. “Yeah, it’s almost seven,” he answers, always polite, extending his courtesy smile as he glances up… Sees the face... Has a second and then registers and then actually sees the face.




“Yyyeah…” he can’t stop the way his smile slides into something entertained. Because- “No problem.”


It’s Kogane.  

Like…for real. Slouching against the wall. Cool and collected and-... 

Dang...he thought that selfie was hot... 

Should he-

Do they- this a hugging situation-

“Not really making yourself available to find in this hallway…”

Ok, no hugging. 

Lance slides his phone back in his pocket, pulse heavier against his wrists than it should be. “You found me.”

“Wasn’t looking for you though.”

Kogane’s grin is almost non-existent. Barely noticeable. 

But Lance sees it.

And okay, wow - he didn’t realize just how badly he wanted to end up meeting him here until right this second. 

But he’s gotta play it easy. “Who’re you here to see then?” Can’t come off too excited.

Because Kogane’s definitely still cool as a cucumber lounging up against the wall like that. “Couple street artists,” he says, expression calm as he takes the badge hanging from his jeans pocket and flits it around a little between them. “NASA lady. You know. The usual.”

“Sure.” He’s cute he’s cute he’s cute. “Lotta different people here.”


A steady trickle of people continue to move behind Lance - on their way to and from - but nothing can break up the gaze held between the two of them…



Everything on the tips of their tongues but held back for the sake of something. 


“I gotta go see a panel.”

Lance blinks, focus returning as he coolly slips back into the swing of things. “Alright, cool man.”

“Yeah.” Kogane straightens from the wall, “But uh…” fingers messing with the badge hanging from his pocket again.

And Lance is just gonna ask it. “Got any dinner plans?”

His question seems to both pleasantly surprise and spark guilt. “Yeah, actually. Me and my friend have reservations at this one place.”


“Yeah but-” but? “I’re at the Hyatt, right?”

It’s another mental recalibration for Lance. “Right.” Because that means Kogane saw his ‘ just got in’ tweet from this afternoon.

“‘Kay, so…” he reaches his hand out - “Lemme give you my number.” - like he doesn’t expect him to say no - “Then we can take your stupid selfie and I can go.”

It’s a lot to unpack. Has Lance’s eyebrows raising just from the sheer confidence of it. But like… What is he gonna do, say no? Of fucking course he’ll swap numbers. Even if he has to slip in a tease as he takes his phone back from him. “Who said I wanted a selfie?”

“Your face.” He’s short but just as playful with it. “And like, half of Twitter.”

Alright, double-kill. But still. “You really ready to drop that whole Mystery Man thing you got goin’ on?” He asks it but his camera is already pulled up. Is already waiting because-

“Yeah, whatever.”

-he knows he’s gonna say it. Somehow. Anticipates the rush of excitement as Kogane steps over to him - gets in close - shoulder to shoulder and Lance holds his phone up at the best angle to snap the pic and woo-wee he feels like he’s in high school again, what the fuck?


But he can keep it all under control on the outside, turning his head to meet where Kogane’s kept the close contact, but is now examining him with a keen eye. “What.”

But he’s not judging. Just - “You smell good.” - expression composed. Collected. Almost impressive and then- “A’right, bye.”

And then he’s…

Lance can’t help the captivated little chuckle as he watches Kogane walk away - just...head back down the hallway toward the commotion of the con floor...completely unphased. 



_ _ _


Well, then!

Lance immediately clues Hunk in on his encounter. Immediately realizes he’s possibly a scootch too hype about this. Immediately self-regulates and finishes out that last hour of walking around and taking pictures and watching actual-real-life famous people from afar.  

But Lance has never been the best at focusing. 

And maybe he keeps an eye out for a certain someone in all the passing faces.

And perhaps he makes an interesting discovery - the new number in his contacts - the name attached to it sparking that intrigue all over again as pieces start to slide into place.



_ _ _


Another Twitter convention down. Another in the books. 

The rush of the day starts to finally settle after pizza and a couple beers with Hunk, all the tension easing in his muscles to the tune of Too Much Cheese.

He misses Frankie.

He’s gotta do some preliminary packing so the morning isn’t so rough.

But most of all, there’s a certain photo that needs to be uploaded.

The tiny smile that peeks out at him as he pulls up the selfie is contagious - has Lance admiring for maybe a bit longer than necessary. But they look good. Him and Kogane. Or… 

Keith, he guesses.

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

It’s what he captions the tweet with, slapping that good ol’ @heykogane on there and then sending it out into the atmosphere to be gobbled up and judged.

But he’s got a sneaking suspicion it'll be a favorable light it’s judged in.

( 1 ) New Text Message - Keith


Speak of the devil.

Lance’s surprise is far outweighed by his curiosity, the notification barely dimming before he’s swiping it open, eyes reading hungrily.

It’s a text. Short, sweet, and to the point.

hot tub’s working

Lance blinks. 

Can’t help the smirk that dances across his face.

Weighs, for just a moment, the possible outcomes of his next move.

Oh yeah. He’s doin’ it.


_ _ _


It’s midnight. 

It’s midnight and the hotel’s indoor pool area is closed and dark but Lance can see the blue-green glow of the bubbling hot tub even before he starts his approach.

The butterflies in his stomach are gonna have to compete with the ball of warmth blossoming a little lower as he’s hit with it - the heady combination of intense chlorine and who it is lounging where the steam is beginning to rise.

“Risky business...” Keith’s head turns at the echo of Lance’s voice off the darkened ceiling as he walks closer, “No lifeguard on duty at this hour.”

He’s nice and settled - arms draped over the edge of the hot tub - posture relaxed. “I’ll be extra safe.”

Sarcasm. Dry as fuck and still somehow intriguing enough for Lance’s stomach to flip excitedly with every step closer, his bare feet padding against the smooth stone floor. “I was a guard for a couple years in high school, but I’m not tryna do any rescues tonight, you feel me?”


And then he’s there.

He’s here. At the edge of the hot tub. And Keith may be glancing up at him, but that won’t stop Lance from slipping his shirt over his head. And it certainly won’t stop him from maybe flexing just a tiny bit as he does so. Especially with the way he’s still being watched as he tosses his shirt onto the floor.

It’s impossible not to tease him. “Subtle.”

“Thank you.” (Of course Keith’s not self-conscious about it.)

The bubbling of the water doesn’t mask it - almost too hot as Lance begins his descent in - inch by inch - pulse quickening from the warmth passing over his chest and his heart and’s been a while since he’s been in one of these babies. Definitely been a while since he’s been in one with a hottie on the other side.

“So… Anyone stalking you in real life after that face-reveal?”

Keith lets his eyes close now that he’s done checking Lance out. Lets his head tip back to fully enjoy the heat. That’s definitely a neck Lance could love on until it’s black and blue. “Nah.”

“Give it time.”


Damn, it’s hot in here.

The switched off overhead lights hang still as Lance tips his head back to join in the lounge. He’s gotta let his muscles get all relaxed again. Gotta loosen up.


Keith’s looking at him again.



Lance swings his head forward, eyes trailing over the boy in front of him. 

The blush on his cheeks from the temperature…

The smooth dip of his collarbones…

Tight shoulder muscles where he continues to rest his arms out of the water…

“Where’re you from…?” It’s not exactly a sexy question, but Lance is so curious, he’s gotta start uncovering some mysteries.



“Like Texas.”


More staring. Fingers tapping absentmindedly on the stone. “What’s ‘hm’ mean…”

“I dunno…” It’s just kind of surprising. “You don’t give off the Texas vibe.”


The chuckle that rumbles from Lance’s chest is quiet but amused. “Do I give off a New York vibe?”


“Wow, you’re not even gonna think on it?”

“I don’t need to.” He’s smiling. Eyelids heavy. Relaxed but engaged. Arms drawing down to slip into the water. “My brother lives in Hudson.”

“For real? I’m in Kingston.”

“Hm,” the corner of Keith’s mouth curls dangerously. “Interesting.”

And it’s absolutely contagious. Because that’s not far at all. “Very interesting.”

They’re on the same wavelength. Understanding each other already. It’s all coming to a point and not breaking even when the jets turn off around them. Because it’s got Keith sliding forward, movements smooth as he eases through the water to push the button on the wall next to them.

The jets rumble to life once again.

And they aren’t the only ones.

Keith isn’t startled when Lance reaches forward to loop his hand around his wrist under the water. On the contrary, he seems heavily amused - like he was waiting for it - lips curling into a smirk again as he lets himself be pulled in.

The water bubbles around him...heavy lids blinking slowly...following - stepping - easing himself down into Lance’s lap with no more than that intriguing smirk. And his weight feels so right… Feels like heaven, thighs snug around Lance’s… Chests almost pressing... His head tilting down to grin so closely over where Lance can’t help but grin as well…


“You really think you’re gonna kiss me…?”

Keith nearly whispers it. Nearly seals the deal right then and there.

But Lance can play the game - wants to play the game - wets his bottom lip, leaning in with a low but confident “...mhm...” that brings it home so smoothly he barely feels the fingers snake through his hair before he’s being pulled in - Keith’s hand on the back of his head - mouth moving hungrily against his - and-

And thank god…

Thank god, thank god, thank god.

Lance moves under the water - slowly slides his hands up Keith’s back - feels the pleasant flex of his muscles and can’t help but wonder how they look in a steady grind.

But this is not that.

This is heated but not fast.

Hungry but not desperate.

Has Lance’s pulse going crazy but keeps his head above water because -

“D’you think people fuck in here…?”

Keith asks it, breathy against Lance’s mouth.

And honestly… “Probably...”  It gets those lips on him again. Has his eyes closing. “Kinda gross…”

“Mm...” should he sound that hot just from making out?

The urge to drag his hands down lower and grab Keith’s ass is insane. But that’d set in motion a whole new issue. “Wish we empty room…”

Is that too much?

Too thirsty?

Keith breaks off but stays close, breath heavy enough that Lance no longer feels self conscious. And… “...’m in Hudson in three weeks…”

Lance stares up at him. Attention divided. Slow processing. Just a little too much blood pumping in the wrong direction for critical thinking until-




Fuck! Well okay, then!

Keith must see the dots connecting in his head, because he breathes a cute little chuckle and then goes in for another kiss, hands finding their way up to his shoulders.

And who is Lance to deny him?

Three weeks.

He can definitely do three weeks.

_ _ _ 


(Lance jerks off in the bathroom don’t @ him.)




The plane ride back home is a fucking snooze compared to the day before. Honestly, just about everything is a snooze up until the moment Frankie is scooped up into Lance’s arms all safe and sound.

“The boys are back in town,” Lance whispers lovingly into the top of his head before planting a smooch there.

And resume normal life.




tops that dont take their shirts off confuse me. whatre u hiding chief. dudes got ur dick up his ass u dont gotta hide anything from him u feel me?




No one wants sushi on Tuesday.

Not a single person.

Lance sits in the booth and filters through the comments left on the bespoke selfie from the weekend.




help the bee movie is trending n im scared

_ _ _ 


j k its for the whole movie


_ _ _


its 2am and im fresh off a full watch of bee movie on pornhub how yall doin




got a rec?




Lance doesn’t see it in time.

His phone dies and he’s too lazy to charge it and when he sees that Keith’s messaged him on Twitter it’s already the next morning.


Well, that’s what he gets. But you can bet he waits all the way up until it’s nighttime again so he can make up for it.

prob already got the job done but this ones worth the watch if u want

He sends it with a link to a video much spicier than the first time. Way rougher. Definitely plays into that whole choking comment Keith had made what feels like forever ago. He sends it and hopes he didn’t shoot and miss. Hopes he didn’t go overboard.

fuck he gets back.

more like that




After the face reveal, Twitter all at once implodes - in a blinding light - and then settles off into a state of complete disinterest.

They don’t care anymore.

The mystery is gone, and so, Lance guesses, is the need for more information.

He’s completely fine with it. The constant notifications about Keith were about to drive him off a cliff. 

And besides, just because their curiosity has fizzled out, that doesn’t mean his has.

Hell no. 

Lance has never been so intrigued.

And on Saturday, when he swipes over to Keith’s page and recognizes the street art in his most recent uploaded photo, it all kind of builds up inside him all at once. 

thats a quick 3 weeks!!

He slides straight into his DMs. Has just a teensy bit of a panic attack. Flips over to the phone in his calendar to double check his math because-

i said two weeks


He’s a week off. A week early. Here, in Lance’s freaking state right as they speak and-

And why is he freaking out about this?

k well im here


whatre you doing tonight

Lance is already zooming around his room, tossing dirty clothes into his closet and opening his window to air everything out. What is he doing tonight? Seriously?

uhhhh moving some shit around so we can meet up?

He’s gonna be blunt with it. They both already know what this is.

grabbing pizza at 7

cool just keep me posted

God - god - god in heaven - Lance is gonna get laid tonight.

Alright. Shower, shave, clean.

Keith is here.

Keith is coming.

Shower, shave, clean.

He’s got this.

He’s fucking got this.


_ _ _


do you really never bottom?

Lance has showered. 

Lance has shaved.

And most importantly, it’s 7:20.

arent u at dinner

bottom? yes? no?

Jesus Christ.

His room has aired out considerably, everything moving into place for the perfect setup. But now this.

i do when i have to

There’s a pause. There’s a long ol’ pause and it could be because Keith’s eating, but something in Lance’s gut tells him that’s not it.

Alright. Fine. He’ll bottom.

Back to square one.


_ _ _


Hunk skedaddles. Like the glorious friend he is.

The apartment is straightened up and Lance has a talk with Frankie about being on his best behavior.  Yes, it all comes together so smoothly that he’s almost sure he’s forgotten something. But there’s nothing. Nada. Which frees up a lot of room for Lance to fucking calm his ass down before gametime. Before Keith comes. Before-

The knock on his door has Lance’s heart flipping in his chest. Has the heat already gathering in his stomach. Has his steps maybe a little too purposeful as he approaches the door.

But he takes a breath before opening it - takes another moment to calm his ass down before turning the knob and welcoming in his visitor and-

“Hey,” he smiles, moving out of the way so Keith can step in-


-close the door, and then-

“How- mm-” the lips suddenly sealing over Lance’s knocks the wind out of his lungs - has fire shooting up his body and eyebrows raised high as Keith breaking away leaves him breathless - leaves him at a loss for words - leaves him staring back, brain slowly coming to the glorious realization that it’s gonna be one of those hookups. Lance nods - on board - hand already reaching out to grab around Keith’s wrist with an agreeing “Yep,” as he turns to lead him back into the bedroom.

He gets absolutely no resistance, Keith hot on his trail and somehow already out of his boots by the time they reach the edge of Lance’s bed but that’s to figure out at another time. A time when they’re not pulling off shirts and unbuttoning pants and Lance is pretty sure he’s never stripped down so fast in his life. 

It speaks volumes. About him. About Keith. About just how badly he wants to be on top of him.

The bedsprings groan as Lance follows Keith down, mouth pressing to his throat and energy tingling up his spine and through his fingertips.

The cool breeze that floats in through the open window is pleasant but doesn’t stand a chance against how hot he is already - how hot Keith’s skin feels under his hands - under his tongue. 

“New York pizza really turns you on, huh…”

It’s a joke and it sucks and it’s so poorly timed but Keith laughs! He laughs! He pushes at Lance’s shoulders, flipping them over and pulling at Lance’s waistband and- “Fuck, it gets me so hot.”


He joked back.

And is taking Lance’s boxers off.

He joked back and is giving him head and-

Is Lance in love?

That train of thought completely flies off the rails at the feeling of Keith circling his tongue around him - a hard reset in his brain because all he can focus on is that mouth, swallowing him down like it’s his job and then pressing open-mouthed kisses up his stomach and Lance has to start stretching himself out - has to get himself ready because fuck-


“Drawer,” Lance motions upward, other hand very much preoccupied and once the lube gets tossed down to him man, do things get going quick.

Keith grabs it next, chest rising and falling somehow super gracefully as he works and Lance thinks he could definitely get used to this view - Keith over him - making sure he’s good to go and then leaning in, one arm bracing so he can knock Lance’s fingers away and do it himself and yes oh okay, he’s never actually had another guy stretch him out before but holy hell-


Lance swallows. “Mhm.”

“Makin’ a face.”

“Mhm.” He’s not gonna open his eyes. Doesn’t particularly wanna witness the smirk that’s hovering over him. “G-... ...good face…”

That’s all that matters, right?

Keith must think so, because Lance can hear that stupid smirk as he leans in closer. “Feel ready?”

God. Fuck, holy shit. 

He nods. He honest to god just nods because as weirdly good as Keith’s fingers feel, he’s definitely chasing after something a little more-


He can feel it - those fingers disappearing and the head of Keith’s cock pressing against him - teasing almost - waiting for him - waiting for Lance’s eyes to flutter open and lock in…

To hold tight…

To stare straight into Keith’s fucking soul as he presses forward, slowly sinking in and filling him up and ohhhh fuuuuuck…

The heat pools instantly, warmth spreading from the inside out. Lance’s mouth drops open but he can’t make a single noise. Has it all punched out of him for a second time, but it’s okay because Keith’s got him covered.

“Fuck, Lance…” he breathes out, voice low and eyelids gone heavy again. Just like they were in the hot tub. 

More sparks - his hips beginning a slow ease that has Lance’s hands sliding down to his ass - finally - giving it a nice firm squeeze but more importantly:

“C’mon…” He can say it now. Can egg him on now. Get his hips moving faster now and yes, like that. 

It all rushes over him like the mouth that leans down to tease him into a kiss. It rushes and it flows and it swallows him whole, his cheeks beginning to ache because how long has he been smiling like this?   

He’s lost time.


“Don’t stop,” but he can hear it in his own voice. The pleasure mounting.


“Keith-” come on - “don’t stop - I’m so close.”

The hands grabbing his waist are tight and getting tighter - more determined - almost hurt but it’s a good hurt and a good tight and Lance can’t help but touch himself, eyes taking in the blush on Keith’s face above him - the sweat gathering on his brow - the snap of his hips and clip of his voice and yes-

“...m’close…” - yes - “fuck keep going - I’m gonna c-” 

Lance’s eyes squeeze shut as it works up through his body, white-hot and blinding and Keith’s hands sliding up his thighs - up his stomach - coaxing the uncurled heat and chasing after his own and it all rolls over like a blackout - like a storm finally rumbling over from off the horizon line and Lance is in the thick of it.



Mouth at his neck…


“Oh my god…”

The ceiling meets his eyes when he finally gets them open again, Keith’s weight collapsed off to the side.

He can hear his breathing - labored, but satisfied.


So they’re on the same page.

“Al-... Alright, so…” Okay, maybe Lance is a little better off breathing-wise. He wasn’t the one doing all the work. “Next time… We’ll see who bottoms…”

The laugh next to him is more like a heavy exhale, but Lance gets the picture. And the fact that they need a few more minutes to catch their breath before the wrap-up.

“So… Speaking of ‘next time’...” 

Or… Okay, maybe not.  

Lance swallows thickly, head tilting to watch where Keith gathers himself up to lean his weight on his elbow. And why does that sound ominous?

“I’m gonna say something...and I don’t want you to freak out...”

Oh god, what the hell? “...okay…?”

Keith wipes the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand, eyes not meeting Lance’s. “I’m moving up here. It has nothing to do with you, so don’t let it jerk off your ego or anything-”

“Wait.” Wait wait wait. Lance gathers himself too, coming up perhaps a bit too close, but: “You’re gonna live in New York?”

“I wanna be closer to my brother. He’s the only family I got left.” There’s something to unpack there, but Lance doesn’t get a chance, Keith’s eyes snagging on him instead. “I said it’s not because of you.”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck are you smiling like that.”

He snaps it, which does absolutely nothing to squash the giddiness starting to fill Lance’s chest. “I can smile if I want to.”

Keith rolls his eyes, but it packs less of a punch with how he does it while reaching over for the lube rag to start cleaning up Lance’s stomach.


Alright, Lance is nothing if not a curious bitch.

“I’m gonna say something too. And you can’t freak out either.”

“No guarantees.”



“Since you’re gonna be up here…” woo boy he’s really just gonna do this, isn’t he? “I mean… Do you wanna go out?”

The rag stalls against him, those eyes flicking up to his. “You...mean like…”


“You’re asking if I wanna date you?”


The stare is caught off guard, but not insulted. “Uh-...” Thoughtful, more like, gaze fanning out. It’s the first time Lance has seen him tripped up. But… “...yyy-... ...yeah.”


“Yeah.” The smile that starts to creep its way forward is small but cute, his tone remaining pensive. “That...doesn’t sound terrible.”

And it brings a very real smile to Lance’s face, who’s just about ready to burst with everything that’s happened in such a short time. 

But, as always, he does his best to remain calm. 

To keep cool.

To calm his ass down.





They could easily tell Twitter but they don’t.

They could easily gain attention and followers and all that but they don’t.

Nope, that’s not in Lance’s plans. See, he’s got a very exciting few dates ahead of himself, Keith watching him from across the living room as he holds Frankie in his lap and smiles, a billion questions swirling around his brain at once.

“So, Wichita. Tell me literally everything about yourself.”