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Magic Fingers

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"Y-you’re joking, right?”

“Huh?” A tilt of the head. Rose pink hair trickled down to her nose. “Why would that be considered a joke...?”

“You just want me to strip? In front of you?!”

“W-what?! No! I mean! I asked if you would be comfortable undressing yourself for the massage!” And just like that, she was a trembling mess, more so than me. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it…”

“It’s fine!” I shouted, trying to silence Estelle’s apologies and my own inner loathing. Yet again, I had upset Estelle. Well, there was nothing to it then. For some illogical reason, I couldn’t stand to see Estelle upset, especially from my own words.

Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m Rita by the way in case that wasn’t incredibly obvious. You know, hyper talented mage, savior of the planet, amazing researcher, blah blah blah.

I’m writing this down because… because, I don’t know why! Estelle’s always telling me I should write my feelings down in a journal. It’s supposed to help me deal with my emotions or some nonsense. I deal with my emotions just fine! But then Judith said that sounded like a ‘wonderful’ idea in that tone of hers where I can’t tell if she’s making fun of me or not. Apparently, she and Estelle both write journals of their own.

Estelle told me to think of it as writing notes for Blastia research, but for my emotions. Yeah right! Like something as stupid as this is helpful! …

Reading over that last sentence, though… that looked pretty harsh towards Estelle. I take it back. Partly. It’s probably okay. I don’t know.

Ugh, focus, Rita, focus! Am I always this rambly and distracted? The reason I’m writing this in the first place is because! … what happened earlier today! I just! I can’t … wrap my head around it. I never thought this journal writing thing would help, but right now my head feels like an Aer Krene going out of control! I just keep thinking!

It’s usually not an issue, but it’s just so much. It’s too much! Okay, also, I lied. It usually is an issue, but tonight even more so. I can’t like!... I can’t even write down what happened easily! It makes no sense! Logically, I know what happened. I should just put it down, like … agh. WRITE IT. LIKE. ESTELLE. ESTELLE CALLED ME OVER FOR TEA AND SGHIJ. GRGJ.

What the hell am I doing.

Fine! Whatever. Whatever! I’ll just try and start from the beginning! Maybe that’ll make it easier to process.

So, it’s been a few years since the whole ‘World-Ending-Giant-Space-Octopus-Trying-to-Eat-Us’ thing. No big deal. Things have been… … honestly? They’ve been good. I can’t complain. Before the final fight, before everything was going to be finished, I had trouble sleeping. More than usual. I was worried.

Yeah. No. I wasn’t worried about the Giant Hungry Space Octopus thing. That was a nonissue. We were going to stop all that crap no problem. The issue was… well the issue was… what was I going to do when it was over? When everything ended?

Everyone always talked about these grand plans. Judith was going to wander the world in search of other Blastia. Estelle was going to be a children’s book author! Or… maybe that other thing. Ugh, even Karol was going to keep working on his little guild and build it up into something of actual note!

But then… the question always came to me.

“What are you going to do, Rita?” Estelle would ask, eyes so bright they practically blinded me. She was so earnest, so excited. She was really interested in me! Me! Not just my research, not just my amazing abilities as a mage, she was interested in me as a person! Who… who does that?! Who just goes about like… caring about me? It’s weird!

So, ugh, like always, I just spout the usual. ‘I’ll continue my research.’ Great plan, Rita! Where were you planning on doing that? Your home up and left you, idiot!

And every time. EVERY! TIME! Estelle’s eyes would darken. They weren’t blinding anymore. They didn’t shine with that cheer, that warmth of hers, but I still couldn’t bear to look at them regardless. She pitied me. She was pitying me! She knew I was lying, didn’t she? She knew I had no home to return to, nobody to return to, nothing to actually do!  But she was just too afraid to say it. Sometimes she’d suggest visiting, or even staying at the castle with her till I found my own place to stay again.

And that’s why it was so hard to face her. That’s why it was so hard to keep her gaze. I admit it. I always wanted to. But I saw that pity all the time. Like I was just another one of those poor helpless people to heal.

I’m not, damn it! I’m not! That’s not who I am! I’m not weak! I’m not helpless! I’m not like them! I shouldn’t be like them! At least, not to her! I don’t want to be just like everyone else in her eyes!

I…

Geez.

Wow. I just wrote that didn’t I. That’s not… how I feel is it? Or, well… maybe a little. But that’s… that’s a horrible way for me to think of Estelle. What is wrong with me?

“Don’t judge yourself too harshly, okay?” Estelle had told me when she suggested writing a journal. “I know it’s easy to shame yourself when you confront your own thoughts. Just remember, you’re not a bad person. This is to help you! To grow as a person!”

And she had grabbed my hand. She held it so tight. So tight, it hurt. I never knew Estelle was capable of hurting anyone.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” I said, brushing it aside. I remember how quickly I withdrew my hand from hers. And even though she was holding so tightly, she let me go as if she had never held on at all. She wouldn’t force me to stay. And even though it hurt… I wanted to keep my hand there longer. I wanted that hurt.

But I didn’t want to be pitied. I refuse to just be another victim to her! She’s so caring to everyone! She tries so hard to protect everyone and help everyone! And that’s just… that’s all it is with me, isn’t it? When she looks at me, when she touches me, she just… she just does that with everyone doesn’t she?

Does she?

She’s too kind for her own good. Someone like me, I’m not nice. And, you know what! I’m not judging myself harshly. Who cares if I’m nice or not? I don’t! I think I’m pretty great just the way I am! Even though I am great and good…

Am I good enough for Estelle?

Maybe I’m good enough for some slack-jawed idiot like Raven or Karol! Yeah. And you know what! I’m more than a catch even for Judith! I shouldn’t have to change anything about myself for any of them!

But… but Estelle is on a different level. I can be cruel to her, can’t I? Too cruel. She doesn’t deserve that. She doesn’t deserve some insensitive jerk like me! She shouldn’t waste her kindness on someone like me.

You know the worst part about this? I can practically hear her voice saying, “Don’t say that about yourself, Rita!” And she’s right, isn’t she? Ugh. What a mess.

Anyways, I don’t think this rambling is getting anywhere. Let’s just try to focus on what happened recently.

So, okay, despite all that stupid nonsense I just wrote above, things turned out great. Like I said! I don’t know why I wrote so negatively. After everything happened, somehow, Estelle, Judith, and I all ended up traveling together with Ba’ul and the ship. It sounds crazy, I know! It was one of those things Judith just casually brought up. I thought she was kidding!

But Estelle, oh Estelle, like always she took it seriously. “Really? That’s okay?”

“I don’t see why not! It sounds like fun to me.”

“Oh, that’d be wonderful! Rita! Rita, you’ll come with us, won’t you?” And she turned to me. And she smiled. Brighter than the sun behind the great tree of Halure. She was certainly more beautiful than it, too. That’s for sure.

And me, idiot that I am… of course I said yes. How could I say otherwise to her? Where else would I go? It was the logical outcome. But I… I still feel these stupid thoughts nagging at the back of my head. Like… like she only offered to be polite.

But that’s… that’s not right. Estelle wouldn’t do that. I know this.

So we’ve been kind of living together? I guess? I mean, we still go out and do our own things, of course. Although, Estelle does tend to stay in my cabin when I’m reading. She doesn’t even bother me too much! Which is so weird. Usually I’m annoyed just by another’s presence! Or I don’t notice them at all.

But with Estelle, it’s like I know she’s there. I know she’ll look my way sometimes when I’m busy with my research. I’ll hear her giggle when I start having a conversation with Meowio.

Meowio is a little Blastia I’ve kept with me. He’s not too powerful, but he’s got a mouth on him! Sometimes when I poke into his formula, he likes to give me a little lip, so I’ll say something like “Meowio, I’ve had enough of your crap!”

And then I’ll hear Estelle giggle behind me. Before, I remember getting so hot. Getting so embarrassed. I could feel my face turning as red as Meowio’s ruby sheen. Usually when I get caught talking to Blastia, people always stare at me like I’m a complete nut.

Not Estelle though. When I turn around and see her laughing face, I just… I don’t even know how to describe it. You know how embarrassment tends to make your cheeks all warm but like… the inside of you gets all hollow and cold? Like your soul just sort of exits your body, leaving you as just a husk of failure and regret.

But with Estelle it’s like a warm blanket. Ugh, that’s so cheesy. Whatever. Her giggles are just so light and airy, and when she looks at me, I know she’s not judging me like everyone else does.

“Meowio giving you trouble again?” she’ll ask, like it’s completely normal to talk to inanimate objects. “Want me to scold him?”

And the best part! She’ll talk to the Blastia with me. And she gets it! She knows exactly what their personalities are! She’s not just playing along; she doesn’t get it wrong. She knows Purruigi is a perfect little angel of a Blastia and never gives me any trouble. She knows Mewria is a bit stuck up but will reveal her secrets if you show her a little respect.

Uh, okay. That’s all I want to say about that. I just read over that last bit and I sound absolutely insane. And yes, that’s me being ‘kind’ to myself as Estelle would like it to be.

So! Just! Whatever! We all travel together! We go through the world searching through ruins, finding Blastia and destroying the ones that pose too much of a threat while letting me study the ones that shouldn’t cause our planet any trouble! Blah blah blah! Never been more at peace with myself, yadda yadda, never knew I could ever truly feel joy and content, who cares, big whoop!

Sometimes Estelle has to return to the castle and do, you know, ~princess things~ and whatever! So I stay with her! But sometimes I guess I’m not allowed to go. It sucks. It’s usually only a couple days but man I always feel so incredibly… alone. I’ve spent my whole life being alone! But when Estelle has to go away, it’s like, all that loneliness I had ever felt just smashes into me like a ton of bricks. It’s so familiar but so heavy.

Except… this time when she finished her princess things, she invited me to the castle for tea. That’s fine, I guess. Tea is nice. But she also, uh… hmm…weird how it’s so difficult to write this. It wasn’t just tea! She also invited me for a massage. THERE. I said it! See? That’s not so bad.

But, okay so, A MASSAGE? What? That’s crazy! Why did she want to do something like that to me? I asked Judith about it, because, ugh, as obnoxiously obtuse as she can be, she can give out some pretty solid advice about this stuff sometimes.

“Oh, that sounds like fun,” Judith said with that wry little smirk of hers. It always feels like she’s saying fifty other things at the same time. I don’t know how she does this. “You’re going, right? If not, I wouldn’t mind taking your place.”

“Yeah, of course I’m going!” I had shouted, probably… a little louder than I meant. I got really defensive about that for some reason. Judith, of course, continued to smirk, but I’m positive she was smirking more. I’m certain of it! I have no proof, but I know!!!

Anyways, that wasn’t even the issue!

“But why a massage, though? That just seems so random.”

“Hm? I don’t really think it is,” Judith said, infuriatingly not expanding on that comment.

I caved. “And why’s that?” I asked, clearly annoyed. I say clearly, but I have no idea if Judith can really tell.

“Remember our time at the Hot Springs? Yumanju? Estelle was a masseuse there. She loved it. She even said she wanted to do it more often.”

I must have gulped or stuttered or something awkward then. “I remember that!” I lied. “Just, that was… so long ago!”

“So?” Judith countered, destroying my nerve in just one simple word. “Lots of people want to do things but never get a chance to do them. Now is a better time than never.”

“Pft, I bet you have no idea what that’s like. You do whatever you want whenever you want.”

“You’re probably right,” she said with a smile, completely immune to my insult. “Same could be said about you, hm?”

I remember Judith’s eyebrow raised at that. It did! I SWEAR it did.

“Just what the hell’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Oh, nothing nothing. I’m probably wrong, anyway.”

“You never make any sense, you know that?”

“I know,” she said casually, that fake smile forever staring into my soul. Sometimes! Sometimes I don’t know why I bother with her.

Ugh. I’m sounding really mean again, aren’t I? I don’t hate Judith, I really don’t. In fact, I really like her! She’s, you know, she’s not just some hot girl! She’s fairly in touch with everyone’s emotions, I think. I just… can never understand her. Or maybe I can and I’m over thinking it. Or I’m not thinking about it enough.

I shouldn’t have to explain myself to a stupid journal! No one else is going to be reading this! …Better not, or I’ll turn you into ash, you hear me???

Enough about Judith!

So, I decided I was gonna go see Estelle. Of course I’m gonna go see Estelle! What kind of coward would run away from Estelle just because she offered a massage?!

Zaphias Castle was the same as always: an enormous structure jutting out to the heavens in the pathetic attempt that they might reach the same level as a god, made on the backs of the lower quarter people they resent so much. Yeah, Yuri’s had a bit of an effect on me. The marble floors were still polished to perfection, reflecting my own incredulous look back at me. … Do I always look so grumpy?

“I say, halt!”

Ugh, the Schwann Brigade. The things I do to see Estelle…

“I say, state your business!” the knight shouted, bits of spittle sticking to the underside of his weird mustache.

“Do you guys seriously not know me by now?” I asked, unimpressed by their puny weapons pressed together like an X.

A strangely soothing baritone voice boomed from the smaller knight. “It matters not. We have a duty to protect Zaphias Castle and protect it we shall!”

“I say, what he said!”

My own glare reflected off their weapons, but this time I didn’t care. They were annoying me. “I’m here to see Estelle. She invited me.”

“I say, Lady Estellise?!”

“Still inviting you!?”

“You’d think you two would stop being shocked after the fifteenth time I’ve said this over the years.”

“She does have a point.”

“I say, she does, but it is our duty nonetheless!”

“And you have a point as well my good chum!”

“I say, thank you!”

Flames licked the air, as I fought the urge to blast this entire castle into nothingness, just so I wouldn’t have to listen to these idiotic knights compliment each other anymore. “Are you gonna let me through or not?!”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

“I say, have a nice day!”

With those two out of the way, I made my way down the halls once more. Honestly, I’m always surprised at how well I remember the place. Zaphias Castle was never somewhere I thought I’d care about, never something I thought I’d waste time trying map out in my head. But I wanted to find Estelle, and I wanted to find her fast.

“Ah, Rita, it is good to see you,” a voice down the hall called out. Not too loud, not too soft. Overly perfect. Flynn. “Here to see Lady Estellise again, are you? Would you like me to show you the way to her quarters?”

“I’m good, thanks,” I said, turning the corner. I gave him a wave of greeting and goodbye at least.

Thinking on it, that was maybe a little rude of me. Flynn is one of the few knights I’ve learned to like. Plus, say what you want about the guy, he protects Estelle when I’m not around, and I know he’d never let anything ever happen to her again.

I imagine his face must have contorted into shock the way I brushed off the Captain of the Guard so easily, but at the same time he knows me. Flynn probably just shook his head, smiled, and went back to his knightly duties, pleased that someone was here to keep Estelle company.

When I made it to her door my heart started pounding, and my hands were shaking. Just a little. Not too much. I don’t know why this always happens when I come to visit her. You’d think I’d get better about this by now. I knocked on the door too lightly on accident, no one could have possibly heard-

“Yes? Who is it?” a sweet voice replied.

“It’s m-me!” I stuttered. Why did I stutter. I think it was just because I hadn’t talked in a while and forgot how to do it. And I had a little something stuck in my throat. That’s all.

“Oh, Rita! Come in, the door’s open!”

I practically toppled through the door. My hand slipped on the doorknob because they were sweaty?? That didn’t make sense, but whatever. I quickly closed the door behind me, hoping no one but Estelle saw that, and honestly, hoping she didn’t either.

Relaxing wafts of lavender drifted through the air, giving the place an almost dreamy atmosphere. Her room was done up very differently today. White sheets were raised up to block most of her furniture and to shade the room from the sun’s harsh light outside. A tune rang out from somewhere, gentle and hidden, never distracting, but enough to keep the silence at bay.

In the center of everything stood a white massage table. It was strangely inviting, almost begging to be laid on. To the right sat a regular little table and two cushioned chairs with floral patterns on them. In one of those chairs sat Estelle, her bright smile blinding already.

I’d been separated from her for too long to look away this time. I’m not quite sure why this tends to happen when I’m away from her. I’m not usually a touchy kind of person but…

“Estelle!” I remember saying, pulling her up from the chair and wrapping my arms around her in a tight embrace before my brain could tell me to stop.

“Rita!” she giggled, hugging back so easily. I savored her softness, her flowery scent. Maybe that was creepy of me. It wasn’t often I let myself hug her.

She felt a little warmer than usual this time. And more, hm… fleshy? No, no that’s a weird way to describe it. But her soft skin pressed against me much more. It was only when I jumped out of the hug that I realized why.

“Hey, uh, what’s with the gettup?” I asked, trying both not to stare and not to turn away from her.

“Oh, this?” she smiled, looking so pleased that I noticed. “It’s the Yumanju spa parlor’s outfit! Only, this is the one Judith was wearing! I really liked the one they gave me, but I had trouble putting it on and the visor got crooked and it didn’t seem like the best outfit to massage people with…”

Geez. Yeah, it was Judith’s alright. Estelle wore nothing more than a fuzzy robe around her body, tied together so loosely, it looked like it could fall off at any moment. Luckily, she had a handy belt, filled with little bottles of maybe oils and other massage… things? But, I have to be honest, I didn’t expect my own reaction.

I must have been holding my breath. The robe (or was it just a towel?) hugged her body in all the right places. It really extenuated her, uhhh, chest area? I mean, it wasn’t Judith level obviously, but it was very eye catching regardless. I know she always complained about not being, you know, as big as Judith, but she was certainly bigger than me and ugh why am I still talking about her boobs??

Not to mention the way it hung around her hips too. Her legs bare, I couldn’t even be sure if she was wearing anything underneath it or not. It was just so close to revealing everything, and nothing at all.

“That, uh, seems like Judith’s all right,” I replied dumbly, my voice coming out in this weird sigh. It was like I was having trouble breathing! My clothes felt so tight and the room had gotten so warm!! It must have been the sheets or something.

“Do you like it?” she blurted out suddenly. She did the cutest twirl I had ever seen, the robe fluttering like rose. “If, um, you don’t like it, I can change. I know you don’t usually like it when I wear strange outfits…”

“No, no!” I said, shaking my head too much. “It looks great on you! It really, uh, seems easy to move around in! And it’s nice??? To see you like, wearing less bulky clothes??” Why did I make things sound like questions there. “Not that there was anything wrong with your bulky clothes! I think you looked really pretty in those, too, and…” ALSO WHY DID SHE AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME I DON’T LIKE HER WEARING STRANGE OUTFITS I JUST NOTICED THAT.

Man, I really can be a jerk sometimes, can’t I? I gotta work on that. Sorry, Estelle.

Even though I just spewed word vomit all over the floor, Estelle’s cheeks brightened, and she smiled even more. I’ve seen people compliment her, and it usually makes her happy, but for some reason whenever I do it, she gets even more cheerful. Maybe it’s because I’m usually so grumpy.

“Oh, thank you, Rita. That means so much to me,” she said earnestly.

“It’s nothing, you don’t need to thank me.” I had to fight the urge to avert her gaze again. She was staring at me so intently, and it caused this weird feeling in my chest… I think… I think I know what that is now, I think I always knew, it’s just… agh, it’s hard to admit for some reason.

She giggled, so pleased. She’d been cheerful ever since our main adventure came to an end, but today even more so. She glowed like a Blastia hidden deep beneath the earth, tucked away by a long-forgotten civilization. I know that’s a weird description, but it’s what I like, okay??

“Come, come, I made us tea!” She nearly skipped over to the little table, her hair bouncing along with each stride. I couldn’t believe how cute she looked. She patted the chair’s cushion, urging me to join her.

There’s always been this strange sensation with me. It’s not just Estelle, it’s with everyone. Someone invites me to do something, and my gut instinct is to just say ‘No! No way! Leave me alone!’ But with Estelle, it’s different. I do still hear that, but that voice is so much quieter, barely even noticeable. I can ignore it most of the time. It’s nice.

“Yeah. Thank you,” I said, taking a seat.

“So, how have things been?” Estelle asked politely, pouring sweet smelling tea into my cup. “I’m sorry I had to go away again. I try to avoid any meetings when I can, but you know how worried Flynn gets, and then there’s the political side of things…”

“It’s okay,” I lied. “Things have been good,” I lied again. A selfish part of me wanted to say ‘It’s horrible without you! I get so bored; I get so angry! You shouldn’t even bother coming back to the castle!

And when I looked into Estelle’s eyes, so interested, so beautiful, I could swear she wanted to hear me say that too. Wishful thinking?

“Went to visit Dahngrest to see if the little brat had found any more Blastia on his ‘quests.’”

Estelle giggled, her laughs flitting between the soothing musical notes. “Karol’s not a kid anymore, Rita!”

“Yeah, well, he’s still shorter than me, and no matter how big his guild gets, he’ll always be a brat in my eyes.”

“Aww, you still have a soft spot for him, don’t you?”

“S-shut up, will you?!”

The conversation came so naturally between us. It always surprises me. I’m not great at small talk, but with Estelle I can say whatever mundane thought I have on my mind, and she’ll listen. She’ll actually care. I can say shut up to her, and she’ll just laugh instead of getting offended. This doesn’t mean I can’t offend her or hurt her feelings! She knows when I’m being mean. Most people think I’m always being mean, and you know? Maybe I am! But Estelle, I think, understands me. She understands me more than I do.

And you know what else? I’m not a tea person by any means. It’s usually way too bitter for my taste, but Estelle always makes it the way I like. I think this was meant to be a lemon tea? I could only really tell by the sour yet sweet smell to it. The rest was mostly honey. It was a lot more like gulping down liquid sugar, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sweet warmth trickled down my throat with each sip, and it left my lips tingling.

Estelle’s eyes fell on the empty cup with pride. “Okay! Now that we’re all finished, how about we start that massage, hm?”

It’s a good thing I was finished drinking or I would have spat it out there. “Huh? Already?!”

She frowned. A sight I never like to see. “Oh, um, well if you don’t want to, that’s okay.”

“No, it’s fine!” I said back, trying desperately to put the pieces of her broken smile back together. “We can start. Is there anything I have to, uh, do?”

It worked, and her smile returned to me. “Yes, actually. It’ll be a little hard to give you a good massage with your outfit, as much as I like it! If you could just undress for me and lay down over there, I’ll-”

“Y-you’re joking, right!?”

And, well, I already wrote this part up there. You know how it goes.

“Huh? Why would that be considered a joke?”

“You just want me to strip? In front of you!?” So, okay, new confession. I felt this thrilling spark in my chest when I said that.

“W-what?! No! I mean! I asked if you would be comfortable undressing yourself for the massage! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it…”

“It’s fine!” I said again, trying to cool the inner meltdown I was having. “Do I just, like, uh, get… naked?” I huffed that last word out, the mere concept of it frying my brain. Like, yeah, sure, we went to a hot spring together, but we were in towels!

Seemed Estelle was having a bit of trouble too. “Oh, um, well, i-if that feels comfortable! For you! But, um, obviously can just wear your underwear, too. Whatever, um, you know! Works for you!” Geez, I swear when she said that she didn’t look at me once. Her face was so red, and the way her breaths came out… I don’t know how to explain it yet.

“Okay! Yeah, that’s fine.” I certainly said fine a lot!!!

“Just, um, go ahead and use the divider over there,” she pointed at it without looking, like I was already naked. “And then just, just lay down and tell me when you’re ready! I’ll, I’ll just wait at the table, I, need a drink clearly.” She laughed sheepishly before moving back to the tea table. Her back turned to me, she let out the deepest sigh, and something inside me stirred.

I scurried over behind the divider and began undoing my robes. They, uh, well! They come off easy enough! Lucky… me. I let it all slide off with a thud, feeling like I had just shed a thousand pounds. I shivered. Luckily there wasn’t a mirror around to see myself, but unluckily I wasn’t wearing a bra.

Look! I don’t usually need one, okay?! It didn’t occur to me that I’d need to wear one! I don’t know why! I’m supposed to be a genius, but man can I be dumb when it comes to this stuff!

Okay, so! Then the moment of truth. Do I take my underwear off and go completely nude? Or do I keep it on? My underwear is a little cute, I guess. I figured Estelle might like it. But at the same time, it’s like… I think… I wanted to take it off? I wanted Estelle to see me. I remember my fingers buzzing around the linen, so close to slipping inside but…

I couldn’t muster the courage. Topless was going to have to be good enough! Besides, why would she even need me to take my underwear off anyway? The bra would just get in the way, but underwear? Not like she needed anything under there, right? She wouldn’t want to see that!

Would she?

I physically could not stand there any longer. My own legs were turning into jelly, and my head was lighter than Raven’s. (I’m calling him a brainless buffoon if you can’t tell.) Even though I knew Estelle would never peek, I still covered what little chest I had as I stumbled out from behind the divider and toppled onto the massage table. Thank whoever or whatever it was so soft! It was way more comfortable than I expected, and it was even built for me to lay my head down, too! I didn’t have to look up and worry about Estelle’s facial expression when she saw me.

 “O-okay! I’m ready, Estelle.”

I heard her quickly fumble over my way. There was a long silence, accompanied with Estelle’s light breathing.

“Estelle?” I asked, worried. What was she doing? Was she okay? I turned my head, afraid maybe I had done something wrong.

Estelle’s face, man, her face was SO red! I have seen her get embarrassed, I’ve seen her get flustered, but she was like a steamed carrot. Hey eyes were locked onto my bare back. One of her hands was at her legs, playing with the hem of her robe. She let out a yelp and waved her arms around in apology.

“I-I’m so sorry! Sorry! I, uh, I spaced out!”

Surprisingly, I laughed. I would have expected myself to freak out as well, but there was something so comforting about seeing Estelle act like such a dope. I guess it made me feel like I wasn’t the only one.

“It’s okay! Don’t worry,” I said evenly, actually proud of myself there. “Do you need to sit down for a moment? You’re a little flushed.” She nodded silently, exhausted. “You can pull up a stool. You don’t have to stand the whole time.”

“Right!” She nodded again; this time much more determined. It was so cute. She quickly brought over a taller stool, about the same height as the table, and took a seat. She let out a relieved sigh. Her hands were trembling, and her legs were having trouble keeping still. Not to mention-

Ah. AH. Whoa. WHOA.

I quickly put my head back down against the padded table. Okay. OKAY.

You remember when I was talking about her outfit right? It’s basically just a towel wrapped around her and you couldn’t tell if she was wearing anything underneath it, blah blah blah, yeah?

Well.

Estelle… certainly was not wearing anything underneath. All that cool confidence I had vanished in an instant at the sight of her, uh… you know! It’s … it’s a thing that meows! Well, okay, it doesn’t meow, but it’s commonly named after a cat which meows, you know? Argh, I can’t… I can’t write that down!

And it’s not like it was bad or anything! It was, uh, you know! Really pretty? And, okay, what the hell, that’s a weird thing to say. Let’s move on, I can’t deal with this right now.

“Ahh, that’s much better,” Estelle said with a heavy sigh. “Sorry, again. I just felt a bit light-headed for some reason. I’ll stand up when I get my bearings.”

“I-it’s cool!” I said, failing to sound as calm as I did before. All evidence pointed to Estelle having no clue what I had just seen. Was this a good or bad thing? I could even sneak another glance if I had wanted…

“I’m going to start now if that’s okay!” Estelle said, her voice picking up again.

“Mmhmm!” I mumbled into the padded table.

Agh, okay okay, I admit it. I… uh… I looked over to nod at Estelle. She was so happy to see my face, and I got to steal another glance at her smiling lips and her… other lips. Since her knees were weak, she had her legs spread just a little and I could see everything. It was, well. It was perfect. Exactly what you’d expect from a princess. I can’t believe I got to see the princess’s…

I put my head back down.

“Are you okay, Rita?” Estelle asked genuinely.

“Yeah,” I breathed out. “Just, really hot.”

“Oh, I know what you mean! I’m feeling quite stuffy myself. But it still feels a bit breezy somehow?”

Estelle. She really had no idea. I’m a total creep, aren’t I?! Am I any better than Raven!?

… Yes, absolutely, what am I saying.

“I’m gonna start for real now, okay?” Estelle asked again, as if we really needed this much preparation.

“I-I said okay the first time!”

She giggled. Her laughter was like a cool splash of water against my ultra-heated face.

“Let me just get the oil and…” I heard a little pump and the rubbing of soft hands together. In the next moment something so soft, gentle, and cool pressed against my hot back. I had to suppress the urge to sigh already, and she had barely started. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah,” I breathed out.

She pressed her hands into me a bit harder now, but never too much. Her hands were so smooth, so gentle. I felt the tiniest of tingles thrumming into my skin as well. Was she using a small dose of her healing magic on me? That’d mean it was her own life force in a way. But nothing so dramatic as I fixed that flaw in her formula.

“Still good?” Estelle asked again, her voice light and airy.

“Uhh… yeah,” I sighed, the muscles at my back relaxing. “It’s uh… really nice.” I wasn’t nervous at that moment or anything. It just felt so good.

“I’m glad,” she said simply, and I knew she was content too.

Her hands carried me like waves through an ocean. Except, like, the waves were obviously not killer or crashing against rocks or anything. Estelle was like mother nature if mother nature was actually kind. She stayed at the small of my back for a while, just rubbing and pressing her hands against me and my sides.

It was heavenly. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relaxed. Stress melted at her fingertips, and the usual unending tide of thoughts in my head slowed into a relaxing river burble. When her fingers hit my sides, it felt like a jolt of … of pleasure, I guess, struck through me. I let out a few little grunts here and there, and I felt the way her fingers reacted to my own movements, surprised, gentle, but a little hungry. Almost like she was enjoying those sounds of mine.

“That’s um… amazing, Estelle,” I finally said so I could hide another sigh of relief.

“Yeah? You really think so?” she asked sweetly, her voice low but full of expectations.

“Yeah.” I was afraid to get the answer to this next question, but I had to know. “Have you been practicing a lot?”

“Oh, yes, actually!” Estelle paused. “Well, not too much.”

As selfish as it was, I found myself hurt by that answer.

“O-oh. Like on Judith or other people, then?” My voice was as shallow as my question.

“Hm?” She probably tilted her head. “No, not on anyone else. I practiced quite a bit on the training dummies the knights use! You’re my first real customer since Yumanju all those years back, and I can say, its way better practicing on you than those dummies!” She giggled.

“Are you serious?” I knew the answer to that. “Estelle, you’re so weird sometimes.” My words came out through another relaxed sigh as her palms rubbed over my shoulders, delicate fingers flitting against me.

“I don’t think it’s that weird!” she said with a slight pout. “I just, um, wanted to make sure it felt good for you.”

“It does.”

Another giggle. “And besides, you’re weird, too.”

“I am not!”

“You are!” she argued cheerily. “That’s what I like about you.” The way she had said like… it felt like she was going to say something else. Wishful thinking again.

Estelle quietly moved onto my arms, cradling one, running her hand across it. She stretched them out behind my back.

“Hey, do you really need to stretch my arms for me? I’m not a kid,” I whined, probably sounding like a kid.

“I do. I know how bad your posture gets,” she said sweetly, making it up by running her hands across my arms again. I don’t think that was meant to do anything to my muscles, I think she just did it to feel good. “This is much easier than it was with the training dummies.”

“Pft, I bet they complained less at least,” I said with a sigh. Her motions against my arms were so hypnotizing.

“That’s the problem! They should have complained!”

I’m glad she couldn’t see me rolling my eyes. “Let me guess, you like that about me too?”

Another giggle. “Yep!”

Maybe it was the music, maybe it was the relaxation, maybe it was the magic, or maybe I was just comfortable with Estelle. Without any warning or context, I just said, “Thanks.” Like that made any sense.

“You’re very welcome,” Estelle said easily. It was weird thing to say, I know, but I’m so glad Estelle took it in stride. She always knows just the right thing to say, doesn’t she?

Next was the legs. Have I described the oil yet? I should probably describe that. The oil, or whatever it was, was um… well it was nice. Slick warmth dripped down my legs, making it easy for Estelle to work. She was using quite a bit. Her hands glided across my skin, spreading rivers of undulating pleasure across my body.

Unlike all those years ago when she held me tight, it didn’t hurt. Estelle was firm in all the right ways, squeezing and kneading the pressure out of my bony joints. Well, the magic helped too.

I think I could have laid like that for the rest of my life.

“Okay, I think I’ve gotten your back enough. Would you like to flip over?” Estelle’s voice betrayed little, but I sensed a hitch.

“Uhh, umm…” Flip over! Of course, that’s… that’s a thing! But then she’d see my chest! Not that there was much to see, but…

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said, noticing my hesitation. I think she was disappointed. “Or if you want, I could get a towel for-ah!”

“No, it’s, it’s fine!” I said, a sudden adrenaline rush surging through me. I flipped over before I could make up reasons not to. Estelle’s eyes widened, and I knew it was too late for me to start regretting my decision, but I covered myself anyway.

“You don’t, um, need to worry,” Estelle huffed. “That was a stupid reaction on my part.”

I tried to laugh, but it came out wrong. “Oh, it’s no big deal.”

“No, no, I was rude and made you self-conscious,” Estelle repeated stubbornly. The shock of it was wearing off. “I don’t want you to feel that way around me. You’re very cute!”

I remember just staring at her, blinking for a while. “Cute, huh?” That came out harsher than I meant it to, but at the same time, I understood what she meant. I don’t have big breasts like Judith so I’m not attractive like her, right? Easy to just say I’m cute-

“A-and hot!” Estelle blurted out. “Um. Attractive. I meant to say attractive. Sorry.”

Something fizzed inside. “Ah. I see,” I said, unable to respond to that like a regular human being. She wasn’t … she wasn’t just being nice. I know that. I knew that. I shouldn’t have doubted her.

An awkward silence meandered across our gaze. Finally, Estelle got rid of the pesky thing. “Shall I continue?”

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” I even sounded genuine! Proud of that one. I leaned my head back and let my arms go limp.

The ability to see Estelle certainly made things different. Not that I didn’t like it! Truth be told, I really loved having an excuse to stare at Estelle. There was nothing else in the room that could hold my attention anyway, and there was no one else to think I was creepy for doing so.

Maybe I’m stupid for not noticing it before, or rather, not noting it. Estelle moved with such a graceful elegance. She moved herself behind my head, looking down at me with that sweet smile of hers. Rosy hair framed her face perfectly, every movement of her lips delicate and princess-like. It wasn’t fake either. It all came so naturally to her. She left me breathless.

Her palms pressed down at the tops of my shoulders, sliding up to my neck like flower petals in the wind. I know. Cheesy. But I don’t want to lie about my feelings anymore. She leaned over my face as she worked, and her breath mixed in with mine. It was intoxicating. Mesmerizing. I still wonder if maybe I had dreamed this all up. Estelle’s breathing was steady, a bit flushed, but more than likely because she’d been working on me this whole time, you know?

When she went deeper, down to my arms, she leaned over me. Her robe was a little in the loose department. It was Judith’s after all. Soft fuzzy fabric flicked against my nose. I could just faintly see inside at her, uh, chest. It was only fair! She got to see mine! They pressed against me softly every so often and I have to tell you, it was so hard not to purse my lips and just…

Estelle moved onto my chest at some point. I don’t really know when. I wasn’t feeling embarrassed anymore. I just wanted more, and she was giving it to me. She moved circles around my breasts, pressing against them, and letting her palms run down between them.

“Is that okay?” Estelle asked, her voice so low, her breath hot.

“Yeah,” was all I could muster, gasping her words in lightly. Maybe I was obvious, but I don’t think I cared.

Now and again, her fingertips would float over my nipples, sending surges of electricity through my body. I had to fight against the urge to moan and keep still. My body was losing itself to Estelle, like she found a control panel hiding all my buttons. I didn’t mind. If anyone was going to mess with my wiring, it should be Estelle. But, did she even mean to touch my nipples like that? It wasn’t often, but it was just enough to…

“Excuse me for… just a second,” Estelle huffed, wiping her forehead off. It wasn’t like she was sweating but she certainly looked heated. She kept one hand at my chest, massaging and kneading it, while the other hand was… where? It wasn’t wiping any sweat off Estelle’s face. She closed her eyes for a moment, and I thought I heard a bit of movement behind me, just out of sight. Couldn’t be…

“S-sorry!” she said suddenly, opening her eyes again with a tiny jerk. Her one hand had been around my nipple for quite some time, and I was trying my best to limit my breathing. “Just - got a little tired.”

“It’s okay,” I said, finding my breath had vanished. “If you’re too tired, you can, stop.” I don’t know why I said that. I really really did not want her to stop. It was that part of me that thinks Estelle is treating me like everyone else. Like she was only doing it because she pities me. But…

“No, no, I, um, don’t want to stop,” Estelle said. “I want to make you feel good.”

I couldn’t help it. “Why?”

The question confused her, or it shocked her, or something. Either way, she wasn’t prepared for it, or maybe she didn’t know the answer yet. “I just, I um… I want to show you how much you mean to me.”

“Huh?” Why did I do that.

“You’re very special to me, Rita. You’ve always cared about me so much.”

“I, well.” What compelled me to argue with her is beyond my understanding. “Everyone cares about you, you know? It’s not just me, I haven’t done anything special.”

She frowned, shaking her head. “You’re wrong.” Her words sent shockwaves through me. It’s not often she disagrees so fiercely. “I know people care about me, I know they do, but I know that you… I know that you really truly do.”

“Estelle, you’re crazy,” I said. “Do you think people are faking it?”

She looked away for a moment. “Sometimes.” Thankfully, she brought her face back to mine. I didn’t want to look away anymore. “Not like Yuri and Flynn are lying or anything! I know they truly care for me, too. But sometimes, it feels like just because I’m a princess that people automatically like me. And I wonder to myself, if I wasn’t, would they still care?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“And, and with you!” Estelle’s face was so close to mine, eyes so full of light. “You never cared that I was princess. Even when you knew who I was, you weren’t impressed. You didn’t even like me that much.”

“T-that’s a good thing?” I said, so embarrassed of my past self.

“It is!” Estelle argued. “I, um, I loved that you warmed up to me so much and so quickly. It wasn’t just instant respect for me just because of who I was. I had to, um, kind of work at it. Like… like a cat!”

“You’re weird!” I said defensively.

“I know.” She giggled; her face flushed. “But anytime something went wrong, you were always the first to come to my aid, you were always the first to help me with anything I needed.” She bit her lip. “And… can I say something else you’ll think is weird?”

“Yeah. Of course.” Please, tell me. I had never wanted to hear something more in my life.

“I like that… um… I like that you don’t like a lot of people.” My face must have contorted with bewilderment, because Estelle quickly explained herself. “I mean! It makes me feel so special. Like out of everyone in the whole world, you, um, you like me the best. Sorry, that’s… that’s so selfish and assuming, I shouldn’t have-”

“You’re right,” I said, stopping her worries. It’s only fair. She deserved something back. “It is selfish and assuming, but you’re right. I don’t like many people, but I certainly like you the most out of anyone. And I’m glad you’re selfish and assuming. I am too.”

“Oh, Rita…” Estelle’s eyes were wet, but I know she wasn’t sad. “I have another selfish request.”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

I don’t know how I answered that so easily. “Yeah.”

And just like that, those lips that I had been hungering for pressed against mine. Her flowery scent filled my nose, her sweet taste flicked into my mouth like the honey tea we had drank not long before. She did not linger, however much I wish she did.

“Thank you,” she said, face flushed.

“N-no problem.” What the hell was happening.

“I’m going to continue the massage now. Is that okay?”

“Y-yeah.” I mean!! What else was I supposed to say? No, please keep kissing me! Please! Was it just a one time thing? Was it just a heat of the moment thing? Did she just need to get it out of her system!?

It was incredibly difficult to go back to being relaxed. Like, it still felt really good the way she rubbed down my stomach, and down to my legs, but I couldn’t calm down. My heart rate was off the charts, my muscles simply did not want stay still, and it was just so hot! Temperature wise!

I know what it was! I know what was happening to me, now! I just need to say it. Just need to write down the words. Let’s be honest with our self, Rita, come on! I was really … h… things were tingling, you know? And I wanted to be touched, or at least let myself touch…. Uhh…. GRRRRHHGH. Whatever! I know what I was! That’s all that matters! And… now I am again, right now! Great!!

This is not going to get easier as it goes on. I can already barely handle writing just this! I’m no stranger to, you know, relieving stress in a manner that would be considered sexual! Been doing it for a long time, and embarrassingly, that was probably one of the first things Estelle learned about me! So, if it gets too much I could just… do that. It’d help with the writing process. And I just want to be truthful and honest to myself, of course, so there’d be nothing wrong with doing that if it helped. So! I’ll just… do that and write what I can.

“Rita, I was wondering…” Estelle asked, her fingers pressing at my inner thighs, sending sparks of electricity through me.

“Uh…huh?” I was trying to stifle a moan.

“I, um, I don’t want to…” She paused, as if catching her breath. “I don’t want to ruin your nice underwear with the oils! They’re so pretty!”

I usually don’t wear any kind of fancy underwear, but one time Judith surprised me with a pair that had little cats in a pattern all over. It was weird, I know, but at the same time, it was perfect! I took them and figured, hey, why not! Free underwear! But they are super cute… I made sure to wear them before the massage. Not that I was expecting Estelle to see! Just in case.

“Oh, it’s okay, I’m, I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“No, no, it’s just, you know, I’ve already accidently dripped some oil on it! I’m so clumsy… I was, um, wondering, maybe it’d save you trouble if I took them off?”

“Took them off?!?!” Took them off!?! Take! My underwear! Off me!? Estelle??? My brain was going haywire.

“Only if that’s okay! Sorry, that was too forward of me, right? I just feel very comfortable with you and it was wrong of me to assume tha-”

“It’s cool!!” I said very uncoolly. “No big deal! I don’t mind if you-you don’t mind! Haha!” Why did I laugh. “Go right ahead, or maybe actually I should, shouldn’t I-AH!”

Estelle’s electric fingers found the hem of my underwear at that point. She pulled them down my legs so gently but found well… my butt holding them back. Instinctively, I raised my hips up. Estelle let out another tiny gasp, pulled them off, and placed them gently to the side with my other clothes.

Geez. Geez. GEEZ. All I can say is that it’s a good thing I was already covered in oil and looked all wet. The, uh, parts under my underwear probably looked perfectly natural, I hope. And if said parts were all wet, it was just because of the oil! That’s what Estelle would think. Right?

“Is-is-is, um, is…” Estelle started to say. She was staring.

“Y-you, okay?”

“Mmhmm.” She mumbled, her own fingers brushing up against her thighs, spreading light drops of oil around. She didn’t seem to be paying much attention. “Ah, um.” She put her hands back onto my hips. “I m-meant to say. Is that okay?”

“Oh. Y-yeah. But, uh, you’re barely breathing.”

“Mm?” She looked at me, trying to keep her usual cute smile. “But, um. You’re barely breathing, too. Are… are you okay?”

Huh?! Oh. Oh, right I wasn’t much was I. Actually, I’m kind of barely breathing now, even as I write this. It’s just… thinking about Estelle and seeing her fingers roam over herself in that instant…

“Yeah,” I managed to say. Ugh, this is frustrating isn’t it? “Just, um, your legs are shaking again. Maybe you should sit down and-”

“I’ve got an idea!” Estelle shouted suddenly, surprising both of us. “You are right! My legs do feel weak! Maybe, if you don’t mind, I could just sit up on the table! Like, on you, and over you, and, and that way I’d be able to work on you a lot easier!”

I couldn’t handle that. I still can’t handle that! My hand is shaking just writing this and I’m already so...

“That… sounds like a great idea!” I mumbled yet shouted somehow.

“Y-yep! Let me just… climb on up… if you don’t mind and-ah! Ohh. Um.” She crawled up onto the table with me and thank goodness it could support both our weight. Her legs wrapped around mine and she sat herself down over me, and I could… I could feel her. Remember! She wasn’t wearing underwear either.

I don’t know if she even knew she wasn’t. A strange expression ran across her face.

“Ahh, that… is… that okay?” She tried to giggle and somehow it was still cute and really hot. “Not, um, hurting your leg, am I?” She repositioned herself, rubbing herself against my leg again accidently. “Ah!” She made the nicest little noises.

“Ummm.” I could barely hide it anymore. A moan must have left my lips there. “That’s… good…” It was all I could possibly say. I was struggling to keep my hands at my side and not on Estelle or on… me.

“Yes, it is, ah, um, good… for me, too.” She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh as her fingers drifted between her thighs. “I just, um, I need to spread some oil around here, so our skin doesn’t stick or get irritated, you know?”

“Yeah…” I was mesmerized. She rubbed her legs and herself for a lot longer than she needed to, but that’s just because she was being thorough. Not that I’m complaining. She was really enjoying it, and that was just … that’s almost all I need. Her hips moved against me, testing how easily she could maneuver. Her eyes closed, and one of her free hands drifted into her robe at her chest where she, um, spread oil there too!

“E-Estelle?” I had to say her name. I loved watching her, but at the same time, my own selfishness was demanding, and I couldn’t find the courage to massage myself in front of her like she was.

“I-I, sorry!” She quickly brought her hands back out and back onto me. “I-I had to get my chest too, just in case!” Her robe became slightly disheveled, the tie wrapped around it loosening. When did she take her belt off?... Bits of her body started to reveal themselves to me.

“Oh, yeah, I-I get it,” I said, totally not getting it.

“Now that… we’ve gotten rid of your underwear,” Estelle said lowly, barely breathing. “I’ve got more room to work, so let me just get any spots I’ve missed…”

Fingers fell between my thighs, rubbing circles just outside my, my…

“How is that?... Does that feel nice?” Estelle asked, a strange hunger in her voice.

“Yeah,” I said, leaning my head back, gasping air in through my teeth. “Yeah.” It was all I could manage.

“I feel like, maybe, there is some tension here…” Estelle huffed. “I’m getting such a reaction from you. I think it means I should go a little more… Yeah?”

At some point I remember my hand pressing against my forehead. I didn’t know what to do. “Yeah. Please. If you’d like to.”

“I would very much like to...” she said just barely heard over the gentle music playing. Her hips repositioned themselves against my leg as her fingers slowly went to my… I couldn’t take it. I felt like I was going to lose it right there.

“You really like this, don’t you, Rita?” Estelle asked, her fingers working inside me easily. It was so slick from the oil after all.

I couldn’t stay quiet, and I couldn’t argue. “Yeah… yeah, a lot.”

“Ah!” she yipped. “Sorry. You’re, wow, um. Really hot right now.”

Temperature wise???

“I think I could get more coverage if I used my mouth on your chest and a hand down here…”

What! No. No way! No, I would never be able to handle that!

“Yeah, I think so…” I agreed.

“Let me just, um, test that theory…” Estelle leaned over me, the robe barely containing her body anymore. It was so loose; I could see everything. Delicately, she closed her eyes and let her mouth run over my chest.

“Ah!” I gasped, my hips bucking into hers. “That… seems to work…”

“Mmhmm…” she said through a moan, her mouth full of my chest. She wasn’t complaining. A tongue flicked out against my nipple and…

“Estelle, that…”

“Yeah?” She was breathless.

“If, if you keep massaging me there and if you lick there, I’ll, um…”

“Yeah?” she asked again, begging me with her tongue. I couldn’t resist her; I could never resist Estelle.

“It’ll, it’ll make me, ah,” I had wrapped my arms around her back at some point. “I’ll, I’ll come, Estelle.”

“Please, do, Rita…”

Her fingers worked faster, my thighs slick with oil and pleasure. Her tongue sent shockwaves across my spine, and I couldn’t help but move against her in a silent rhythm.

“Come for me,” she asked again, her voice so low, so full of want. I’d never felt this way with someone else, I never thought about someone else wanting me like that and…

I just remember letting go. There were no more worries, no more anxiety. I held Estelle tight as I quivered with pleasure, as my body roiled with… with my orgasm. There, I said it. Estelle made me come and it was nothing like masturbation.

When I came with her, it felt like it really lasted, it felt so much warmer, it felt so much closer. Instead of a small wave of pleasure hitting, it was like a tidal wave of tingling sensations across every aspect of my naked skin. All the while, she drank in my moans, she pressed her body into mine, and she rocked against me, small gasps of pleasure escaping her as well. I remember she whispered, “That’s so good…”

Listen. At this point I thought I was in a dream. I couldn’t really believe what was happening, but I didn’t want it to stop either. I don’t know. I guess I’m still having trouble accepting it. I’m glad it happened! I really am. I’ve never done anything like that before, and if I ever was going to, I’m glad it was with Estelle. I always worried I wouldn’t be good enough for that kind of thing. I know I didn’t do much there, but for some reason Estelle really seemed to like it, and that just… that was such a relief.

“Estelle…”

“Do you mind if I keep working, Rita?” Estelle asked, sort of like everything happened and nothing happened at all yet again. She wanted even more?

“Yeah. If that’s what you want.”

“I do. I really do. You’re so beautiful, Rita.” Agh, she’s cheesier than I am! But… that felt good to hear. “Let’s work on stretching those legs next, hm?”

She smiled so sweetly, I honestly still couldn’t tell if she was aware of what she was doing or not. I think her ‘pretend’ act made it a lot hotter. It was just pretend, wasn’t it? Geez, I can be so dense.

“Mmhmm, yeah,” I think I said, hypnotized by her.

“Okay, so what I’m going to do next is, ah,” she sighed as her thighs rubbed against mine. “I’m going to lift your leg up like this.” She put my leg up on her shoulder, cradled between her hands. “Then I’m just going to kind of… ah, help you stretch it out.” She pressed her naked body against my leg, rocking gently, slowly, back and forth with it. “See you’re… very stiff…”

“Y-yeah,” I mumbled. I really was. I still am! Kind of what happens when you’re hunched over books all day and in battles you just stand there and let magic destroy your enemies. But each of her pushes against my leg loosened me up and let Estelle move a little closer, a little deeper. Her robe had completely come undone. There was no hiding her amazing body anymore.

“That, ah, doesn’t hurt right?” Estelle’s hands rubbed circles around my thighs as she rocked, her own hips coming closer and closer to mine.

“No, it’s good. You can… even go a little deeper if you want.”

Her… her… ah hell. I need to learn to say it. I need to say it. Her vagina? No, that sounds too clinical, even for me… her pussy. Yeah. Pussy will work. Like a cat.

Her pussy slowly moved up my leg, closer to mine, and the heat between us ached. I desperately wanted it closer, I needed her lips against mine. This was a tease, wasn’t it? Estelle was teasing me, wasn’t she? I can’t believe it. Her of all people.

“Like this?” She smiled, her pussy right at my inner thighs, sliding back and forth as she rocked my leg.

I needed it. I really needed it. “More,” I moaned out.

“Yeah?” she asked breathlessly. Her lips hit mine finally, so warm, wet, and slick. It wasn’t just my imagination. I could feel her desire for me. I never knew how badly I wanted Estelle, how much I needed to know she wanted me.

“Yeah, that’s…” I paused. “That’s really good, Estelle.”

“It’s good for me, too. I think I really needed to stretch as well.”

“Estelle?”

“Mm…hm?”

Even though she was giving me all this, I needed more. I know it was selfish of me to ask, but I really couldn’t help myself.

“Can you kiss me again?”

Somehow, she looked shocked. “Huh? R-really?”

“Please. And don’t stop.”

“I’d love to,” she said, bending over for the kiss, but finding it a bit difficult to reach me. She wanted to keep rocking against me, to keep our lips down there kissing as well. “Um, hmm…”

Enough selfishness, Rita! Estelle shouldn’t have to do everything. Even though my body felt like a giant space jellyfish, I leaned up to her, taking her delicate lips into my own like it was the last bit of air in the room. I needed her oxygen, I needed her sweet taste, I needed her everything, and she was all too happy to give it to me.

“Oh, Rita,” she managed to mumble between kisses, a hot sigh breathing into me.

I didn’t know what I was doing. I still don’t think I ever will know what I’m doing. I slipped a tongue into her mouth, her body rocking against mine harder as I searched for more. She gasped, surprised, but quickly obliged into trying the same. Our tongues were both awkward messes, like the rest of our bodies, but they met, all while pleasure surged through our hips. Her robe had completely fallen open, her naked, slippery body against me, amazing breasts pressing against mine.

She really really liked kissing. Even more than I did. Her breathing became erratic, her pussy thrusted faster and harder against mine, and her hands roamed over my body in almost a dazed state. She couldn’t remember how to massage anymore, and I didn’t care. Her hands ran through my hair, and she sighed so deeply, she moaned with so much desire.

“Don’t stop kissing me, don’t stop,” she managed to say between our gasps.

I couldn’t say anything in return. I had to give her what she wanted. She deserved everything, she deserved my best kisses, my best thrusts, even if I didn’t know what I was doing, even if I thought it wasn’t good enough, it didn’t matter. I had to give her what she wanted.

I love her. I want her to be happy, I want her to feel good too. I’ll do anything for her.

Her fingers continued to roam over me, even pat me down in places without thinking. She prickled me with bits of magic, out of her control, but that only made me kiss harder, motivated me to do even more. She was so close, and I could get her there.

I responded with my own magic, a tiny dull flame at my fingers. Nothing painful, nothing that could burn her, simply something warm, like her. Estelle shuddered at my touch, bucking into me with a beautiful gasp.

“I’m going to…” was all she managed to get out before she came.

She let out a trembling moan and sank into my lips, wrapping her arms around my back and pulling me in as close as possible. I felt the waves of her orgasm as she continued to rock against me, lost in a sea of pleasure. I’ll admit, just her finishing like that made me come too, and even now just thinking about it… ah, it’s so good. She sucked at my lips, drinking any breath I had left, her tongue lost with mine, her entire body moving with mine.

“Goodness…” she breathed out, letting my leg down and laying atop me. “That was… um… quite a workout…”

“Y-yeah,” I said, petting her hair. It was as soft as flower petals. She laid her head atop my chest, eyes half lidded.

“I’m not sure I can… get the other leg,” she admitted, her arms wrapped around my sides.

“That’s okay. It was really good, Estelle.”

“You were good too, Rita.” She looked up at me with a smile, kissing me so easily.

 “Estelle?” Her heart beat with mine, and something bubbled within my lungs. Words I wanted to say.

“Hm?”

“I… I…” How after all this time, after everything that happened? How could I still not say it? “Thank you.”

She paused. I think she expected me to say it too. I felt awful, and I feel awful now. Or maybe… maybe she knew what I was trying to say. She wasn’t upset. In fact, she looked even happier.

“You’re welcome,” she said happily. I think… I think I know what she meant by that. I think I know, but I still need to say it to her for real. I need her to say it to me. I think she’d want that too.

I love you, Estelle. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I was just too stupid to see it, too afraid to admit it. But not anymore. I’m not going to stall on this anymore, I’m not going to make Estelle wait for something she wants to hear. She deserves to be happy. If I won’t do it for myself, I’m going to do it for her.

This journal was more helpful than I figured. I’m going to stop now and tell Estelle I love her, and I’m going to give her a massage like she gave me. Return the favor! I think I’m plenty ready for her now.