Chapter 1: Congrats..?
“Congratulations, Yoshikage Kira! You won the lottery for the paid vacation to New York City!
The details will be presented in the following document. Sincerely, The Kameyu Department store.”
What. The.Hell? I don't remember signing up for this?
Kira’s only friend read the Email over his shoulder
“You should thank me y’ know I signed you up” whispered Kosaku
“ Well, you shouldn't have. You should've signed yourself up for it and if you even won, you could've used this trip to go with your wife.” said the hand fucker, knowing damn well they were divorced.
“Okay asshole, I'm the one whos bringing you to the airport whether you like it or not”
“Absolutely not. I'm not going.”
“Ok *virgin whore, I'm stealing your cats”
...Fuck, this dude really serious about this?
“Well ok, next week, come pick me up I'll...I'll hand over Killer Queen, Hearty and Dusty. If Hayato touches one of them I'm suing you” said Kira leaning towards his coworkers face, menacingly.
“Meow!” That was Kira’s cellphone.
This was Kira’s first time on a plane everything was gonna be fine… without his three cats, tea and well some great lady hands. For 13 hours. Straight. Thank you Lunsford Richardson for creating Nyquil.
He opened the trunk out his stuff and sit in the front to Kosakus white Nissan maxima.
"Ok, these are my keys. Remember to take care of my plants and my cats. Hearty loves attention so pet her when she asks. Killer Queen loves heat and Dusty likes running in loops but don't forget that-" Kira was cut off by a voice that wasn't coming from Kosaku...it was that insufferable brat, Hayato Kawajiri.
"Umm hey man..why is he here?" Said the blond in a voice loud enough for Hayato to hear.
"I don't know how but he knew I was gonna pick you up but he wanted to come with me. I don't think he likes you very much." Said the man with the busted ass hairline.
Yeah no shit. WHY IS HE LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT??? ugly ass nigga
and they left Moriohs northeastern section for the airport.
a lot of these are filler so please enjoy my bad humour
Finally registered at his seat, confirmed his identity and placed his luggage on the conveyor belt, Kira had two hours to spend.
Alright, Kira, you're killing it, luck is on your side-
Kira's mind-monologue was interrupted when a man bumped into him
"..Oh! My bad"
Who was that? Well, it probably won't matter because the author will forget,,, unless?
Attendees of the flight #36KRS are now expected on the plane.
Well, let's go for a flight of 13 hours.
Kira popped 1,2 pills in his mouth because he knew that it was gonna be a long-ass flight.
Not surprisingly there were not a lot of people in the second class area of the plane so probably no one in the first class, right?
Loud laughs and kissing sound could be heard in the richer section.
But as always Kira was unbothered, like a bad bitch kdehqjej.
DEET DEET DOOT Goood Morning, Welcome to the fight to New York City! This is your pilot, Goerge Joestar II at your service. Please look at your screen for the flight instructions. Also, There's an Electricity problem so sit down and relax this is going to be a smooth flight. DOOT DEET DAAT.
What the he-
Kira's thoughts stopped when he suddenly fell asleep.
don't worry next chapter we'll be in new york
also who were those laughs?? find out next episode of KC_M00N IS HORNY!!!
DOOT DOOT DEET Your Pilot, George Joestar II, is happy to say that we are landing in 10 minutes, so sit down and buckle up because the big apple is waiting for you. DEET DEET DAAT
Kira broke from his peaceful slumber to fasten his seatbelt for the landing and started making a mental plan for when he'd land.
When they finally landed loud laughs could still be heard
Good thing Is lept through all these "affection noises"
After he went through the very extreme procedure of the airport security and having multiple agents telling him that he looked like David Bowie, the blonde walked to the conveyor belt that brings their luggage.
"HAHAHA,I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BRO "
"I LOVE YOU TOO MAN"
"You guys should maybe scream less"
"Hey,how much do you love me?"
"I love you so so much!"
"Umm, how about me,huh?
"Ok well it doesn't matter. Because I'm richer than all of you combined"
Oh god,it's them
The them in question were the self proclaimed “Duwang gang” and they are kinda the reason why Shinobu and Kosaku are divorced oops, but that's for another story. Maybe even...a side story;)
Can I please get my stuff and leave i don't want to deal with this.
"Hey...Josuke is that?" Whispered Okuyasu
"No way" said Koichi
"Him?" Said Yukako
"Ugh this bitch" replied Rohan
"OH MY GOD HI KIRA" yelled Josuke from the other side of the room
"Oh hi Josuke" answered Yoshikage very very awkwardly
"Long time no see,not that we missed you though. Hand freak"
Does this bitch have the AUDACITY???
"I'm on vacation please leave me alone. And spend time with your idiot boyfriend-" Hand freak was interrupted by a load groan that came from a girl with two buns and green bangs.
She was wearing a gucci tube top and basic mom jeans,she also had an ankle monitor.
0That girl was accompanied by no one but Jotaro Kujo,Josukes nephew. Weird
"Dad,this is totally unfair. How can a 17 year old be able to travel worldwide with his friends IN FIRST CLASS? And I can't even leave the house with my friends" said the girl
"Jolyne,you're on probation and on the FBI watchlist. I didn't raise you like that." Said the tall man
"You never raised me, dad" responded Jolyne with venom in her voice
Yeah ok I'm leaving
"Woah who's the David Bowie looking fuck over here"
This fucking bullshit again
"Hi,I'm Kira Yosh-" said Kira politely holding his hand out for her to shake before Jotaro smacked his hand away from his daughter.
“Jolyne, this is Kira Yoshikage, when i was in Japan he caused a lot of trouble,he has like a fetish for hands and thanks to his business knowledge he made a lot money off making hand products, prosthetics and such."
Nice analysis, asshole
"Wait, but thats kinda cool though.
How much money you make in a week?"asked the green haired girl.
"Usually,3000 a week but I stopped the business altogether already" said the blond
"Wow the person who shut it down must be a real asshole" said Jolyne glaring at her father
"Yeah, an absolute asshole" Said kira also glaring
It seemed that after 30 minutes of waiting for their luggage,Jolyne and Kira had become unlikely friends.
"And that's how I cheated in my college grade"
"Wait that easy?" Asked Jolyne
"Easy peasy lemon squeezy" answered the proud Yoshikage.
Jotaro and the Duwang gang were baffled by the thought that a Joestar and a problematic character were somehow, friends?
"Theyre gonna spend their vacation at Joseph's vacation house for a while so you won't see them that much."
"Oh ok,i thought my vacation was going to be ruined."
DOOT DEET DAAT luggage of the flight #36KARS are now available for pick up.
"Okuyasu,Josuke and Koichi you can come in my car, Rohan and Yukako, I got you separate ubers and please don't kill them. Koichi you can sit on the front,Jolyne sit in the middle." Ordered Jotaro
"Why is he sitting in the front seat, he doesn't even reach the size of my hip and-"
"Jolyne this isnt about you. Koichi give me your luggage I'll take care of it." Jotaro gave a flashing smile to , this isn't fair I-” The girl was interrupted by his father, saying they should hurry up and headed to the car.
“Um… Hi Jolyne, hehe, um I'm sorry about that but we can ignore Jotaro and have fun?” said Koichi while scratching the back of his neck.
“...I don’t care anymore, also see ya Kira” She said And walked to the exit.
“Bruh” shouted Okuyasu
Comments are appreciated!!
After the “fight” between Jotaro and his daughter,Kira took his luggage and got in his iconic yellow cab.
“Hey dude, where you going” said the driver
“Uhh, the (new york hotel).” Kira anwsered
“Pretty cool, I heard Italy’s biggest mafia boss lives there”
“ haha, oh well”
Yeah what time is it for you-
-(author here uhh i dont know how to count so uh yeah)
goddammit i should be asleep rn-
[kira sitting in his cab]-
I saw jotaros daugter and shes pretty cool.-
also the entire fucking duwang gang is here-
-i’d rather spend time with these guys than your 3 hell cats
-they keep scratching hayato what the fuck did you do to your cats
i’d explain but the taxi driver is talking to me see ya-
-unrelated but who called you david bowie
“I’m just curious but where are you from?”asked the taxi driver
“HAHA THAT REMINDS ME OF LIKE MY FRIENDS EX GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS JAPANESE AND HER DAD AND MY MOM KNEW EACHOTHER AND WHEN MY MOM was alive and young she’d do anything for me and when we were dirt poor she found me fresh food everyday until she could get me a good education. I also like dinosaurs and horses!”
“...oh that's nice.”
“Oh, I’m Diego by the way. What about you?”
“HEY MAN I'M DRIVING, oooh that's a cool name!”
After an hour of reckless driving,Kira arrived at his hotel.
“This was pretty fun,I’ll see you around, Kira” said the dinosaur enthusiast speeding off.
This was...something, I’ll go check in and sleep this stress off.
I don’t have my computer so formatting is HARDD
fanart is appreciated😳
“Room 203,mr Yoshikage! Have a nice stay!”
“Yes thank you,miss.” said Kira
She has very very nice hands but no time for that,sleep is needed
“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHY DO I NEED TO WALK DOWN 20 FLOORS EVERYTIME I COME HERE I WANT TO USE THE ELEVATOR” yelled a boyish looking man with pink hair styled as a braid and1(one) bang.
“AHHHH—“ screamed the man,,,boy
“Um Doppio could you get out if you’re finished with business, you’re making him uncomfortable" said the blonde hair desk woman.
"Melone,or what the fuck your name is,we all know you have a dick so please refrain to try to fuck the new hotel staff thank you."said Doppio rolling his eyes.
I want to go to my room i need SPACE.
"I still get more ass than you but go off,have a swell night sir" said Melone,blowing a kiss to Kira.
In the elevator,Kira hoped to see no one next to his room and guess he was right because no one was there! Well,there was a small blood stain on the floor but that didn't matter.
"Ahh,good night Morioh- i mean New York."
Let's hope that this vacation feels like a vacation.
I DIDNT UPDATE IN YEARS IM SO SORRY
AND I REALIZED THAT MY WRITING IS BAD AND STINKY
(more.doppio.and others is coming
Im trying to get almost everyone in this)
Chapter 10: Meeting your neighbors in the most normal way possible at this point
"Aahrise and shiine,room service!"
"Oh! Come in I'm about to leave-
Diego?!" Exclaimed Kira
"Kira!!! Wow no time no see huh! I'd never thought you'd be following me out of all people!"said Diego
"Don't you think that you're following me ?"
"...Nope! Well, head out i gotta clean this mess,see ya!"
Diego pushed Kira out of his room into the hallway and shut the door.
"AHH OK BYE GIORNO I-I'LL SEE YOU LATER" screamed a man that was struggling to get his pants up while running away
"BITCH YOU BETTER KNOW THEY AINT GONNA BE A FUCKING LATER FOR YOU, I HOPE YO FAT ASS DONT COME TO MY HOUSE NO MORE"
"Call me later,Mista!"
"Ah! Giorno,my dear,did he hurt you? Don't tell me he-"
"Padre,he didn't hurt me and yes, I consented. I'm an adult,this isn't your house,or your hotel."said Giorno,firmly
"Yes,I indeed understand but why him. You have LOADS of money,GOOD contacts and you're the boss of what might be the greatest criminal organization. AND YOUR BESTEST OF FRIENDS WITH THE TRISH UNA CANT YOU BE WITH HER?"
"I told you,many times, I won't date Trish she's my best friend and we made a promise to stay together forever without tying blood binds-"
"Wait you know thee Trish Una?! Like the Fashion Icon??"expressed Kira cutting Giorno off during his liberty speech.
"My baby right here has ties with pretty much anyone. Oh my god,girl,you wanna meet her?"
"Um,yes bitch,gladly" said Kira smiling very uncomfortably
"HAHAHA PERFECT,GIOGIO SWEETIE CALL HER WHILE I MAKE FRIENDS WITH WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS BITCHES NAME IS. KUILA? KUIRA?"
"Yeah yeah,you cute you know? And in this city you're a nice piece of meat that might get STDs from a street rat,oh I'm Dio by the way." said the blonde bitch with a smile on his face.
what the fuck does that even mean
"Padre,I called her agent and she'll be free Wednesday at 4pm"said the donut headass
"Ahh! WHAT I EXPECTED FROM MY FAVORITE SON!"
"I thought i was your only son" said Giorno in a questioning tone.
"....Well,Kira,I won't keep you waiting,if you're hungry go to this restaurant and refer yourself as Dio's friend. Bring Valentine this letter from me,bye bye."
"Wait wh-" Kira somehow found himself out of the hotel waiting for a cab
Let's hope that Valentine doesn't vibe check me to death….
Chapter 11: No Sethical References in my restaurant
My writing is VERY anticlimactic
And i don't know what that means
Kira had arrived at the restaurant that Dio ordered him to go,even though he never agreed to this.
He was greeted by a girl that was dressed in all orange and black.
"HEYY MAIN,WELCOME TO DA RESTAURANT,I'M LIL BOMBER ON SOUNDCLOUD-"
"NARA SEGUI IL TUO CULO QUESTO NON È IL TUO MAIUSC CHE SEI STUPIDO CUCCIOLO”
"CMON UOMO, OTTENGO MIGLIORI CONSIGLI DI TE E NON STO SCOPANDO IL
The two Italian went back and forth throwing what appeared to be insults.
“Ahem,sorry for this inconvenience ,please take this seat,I'm Fugo, this is Narancia And he looks like a girl. I'll be taking your order."
"Hey,um,Fugo? Do you know where...Valentine is? Someone named Dio told me to give him this letter in person."
"Dio asked for me?,giggled the blonde with curly tips. He asked for me,right after he kicked my dog in the face. Audacious bitch.”
He was wearing a pink sweater that said "Twinky" in white
Valentine turned towards Kira and took the letter out of his hands.
“This just says to bring napkins and candy to Dia’s party,why couldn’t he just text me,over dramatic bitch”said Valentine blowing his hair away in the most extra way possible.
“I’ll pay you lunch since you had to go out for no reason really”said Valentine leaning towards Kira's face
“Oh,thank you but you really don’t have to-“
Funny called out for Fugo and ordered food for both of them.
“Oh,are you going to his party, Kira?”
How does he know my name.
“I don’t know who are you talking about,sorry”
“Oh don’t worry it’s only the biggest party of the year,but I’m sure Dio will make you an invitation.”
When the food arrived at their table,Valentine turned his smile into a frown.
"What the fuck is this,I told you to take the gluten out da bread"
"It's gluten free-" said Narancia scratching the back of his neck
"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S FREE TAKE THE MUFUCKIN GLUTEN OUT DA BREAD"
Funny Valentine quickly ran into the kitchen and open the doors and Kira followed ,apologising to Fugo and Narancia.
“HEY TONIO THIS AINT WHAT WE ORDERED”
“GET THE FUCK OUT MY KITCHEN”
“I ORDERED THE EGG FOO YOUNG WITHOUT THE EEG”
“THIS IS A GODDAMN ITALIAN RESTAURANT,GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN”
Kira went to interrupt the fight before things got bloody between Chef Boyardee and Valentine
“I am so sorry,we’ll leave RIGHT NOW”said the handman to the American boy
The cook calmed down and put his sharp knife down
“I’m sorry as well,ah! Please take this lasagna and this chocolate Panna Cotta”said Tonio with his natural,adorable fucking puppy face
“AND YOU MR.VALENTINE IS GOING TO STAY HERE AND CLEAN MY KITCHEN”
After finishing his meal,said goodbye to Valentine,Tonio,Narancia and Fugo and headed to the nearest subway station to Manhattan.
After successfully walking past HELLA crackheads, Kira found the train to Manhattan
The bell for the 7th train rang, headed in, and sat down on the cleanest seat.
Sigh, When will I catch a break. And yes I said sigh in my head.
Kira started to doze off until a wild New York Crackhead showed up!!!
Crackhead uses affection and says I love you to Kira!
Kira feels a shiver down his spine.
*He's gonna get a bad time
Kira laughs it off, makes eye contact and backs away. That made the situation so much worse holy shit do you not know that you NEVER look at crackheads in the eyes.
The crackhead pulls a body pillow from their backpack and says
"ARE YOU MY WAIFU YOU LOOK LIKE HER LOOK LOOK"
The other passengers just look away because, oh shit look its Eric Andre!!!!
The blond starts panicking because they started singing a song about how he loves his dad, he's like a cute girl but minus the breast, how he got a solid four-inch dick and does a nice little dance with him after school but he doesn't fuck his own mom hey
The police came and tried to arrest the crackhead but they ankle-breaked them and fled the scene.
Arriving at his destination, Kira started flushing and being excited because he was about to meet Trish Una,Herself!!
Oh boy, what should I say vI'm so excited!
“Hey, Mister David Bowie,your rendezvous is cancelled,come back in a few days. Trish and, sniff sniff, bossu or busy right now”
Oh! Is that the same boy from the hotel?
“D-do you want to hang out with me,Boss kicked me out JUST SO HE COULD SPEND TIME WITH HIS DAMN… beloved daughter to plan this stupid party, sniff”
“Well...sure why not I have nothing else to do right now so-“
“GREAT I HAVE A LITTLE COMMISION TO DO LETS GO!”
Doppio took Kiras hand and guided him outside.
“This is it!”
This was the sign in front of the building that Doppio had brought Kira to do his “commission”.
“Fortune telling is bullshit.”
“Watch your profanity…”
As they stepped in the shop,an alien,who referred themselves as such invited Kira in another room while Doppio was doing his commission.
Kira was cut off by a magical seeming breath of fire as a man came down a set of stairs.
“My name is Muhammad Avdol,but to you,Avdol. Now Kira,what do you seek in this conference.?”
“Nothing much but I’m surprised that you know my name…”
“Of course I know your name! Every good fortune teller should know their guesses names, also Jotaro told me.” Avdol released a slight chuckle
“If youre here to make fun of me I’m leaving-“
A red eagle,that looked like a phœnix swooped in and stopped him from leaving the seance.
“Now,take a seat,said Avdol giving a treat to his pet bird, we may now begin the seance.”
“I’ve never done any of these but all I can say about “my fortune” is that almost everything has been going my way, like, I won a trip to New York, I’m going to meet Trish Una sooner or later and now I got invited to this HUGE party that’s hosted by Trish and whoever “Dia” is…” rambled Kira with a hand on his head.
“...Are you done? Ok. By the looks of it,youre being dragged. Something or some one is looking for you and fate is doing its work by connecting eachother. And if it takes something from you,you can’t fight it. Maybe an other hand-creep is looking for you!”
“That last part wasn’t necessary but thank you.”
Crashes and thuds could be heard from outside. Doppio was screaming his lungs out.
Kira thanked Avdol and ran out of the room
“Doppio are you ok-“
A dark looming figure was holding the pink headed boy on a wall so high his feet weren’t touching the ground.
“FUCK YOU RISOTTO YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT” Doppio tried to kick him in the chest but his big ass tiddies got in the way
“HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HE’S USING YOU, DON’T YOU REMEMBER HOW HE SPOKE TO TRISH ONLY 2 TIMES IN HER LIFE. WAS HE HERE WHEN I,BRUNO AND THE OTHERS RAISED HER INTO A FASHION ICON? DIDN'T THINK SO, YOU ROACH” Risotto threw him out of the shop and told him to never come back
Kira ran to check if he was ok...he was fine but his nose was bleeding. Kira hesitated on giving him his handkerchief but Doppio took it himself
“I’m sorry this happened to you,do you want a glass of water?”
“I’m fine,I’m just- TORURURURURU TORURU- Hello? Ah! Boss! The commission went well! I’ll be back!”
Doppio got Kira a cab and went back to his boss.
It’s already 8pm? Geez I’m gonna go to sleep...