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Crashing Waves

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I crash down onto my bed, heart as heavy as my tired limbs. It feels like it was such a long day, but I didn’t do much of anything. Nagito’s slack face flashes through my mind, his limp body crumbled on the restaurant's floor in front of me. He was so light. His weight barely burdened me on our way to the hospital. 

I carried him all the way there, his head pressed against my shoulder, and the day has been a blur ever since. My sleeve is still wet, I guess he was foaming at the mouth a little bit. I’d say I hope I don’t get sick, but I might prefer being able to stay there all night instead of here. 

My cottage is always empty, but knowing I’m boxed in by empty buildings makes it that much more lonely. Well, except… Fuyuhiko. He’s still injured himself, but the way he’s taking charge for me is like a whole different person. But I don’t blame him, losing someone like that.. You’re never the same. 

I sigh, looking down at the bed I’ve called my own since we arrived before pushing up off the mattress. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep like this. I leave my cottage altogether,  leaving the door ajar behind me as I rush out to get some fresh air, The lock doesn’t work anyway. I wander through the hotel, too cautious to explore the islands in the dark. Everyone else should be where I left them, but I’m not taking my chances out alone with the monobeasts. 

My gaze turns up to the blanket of stars above me, the same ones I looked to for reassurance my first night here. They offer me nothing today, blinking back at me indifferently. I can’t find any hope inside myself, drained from my body like the life in Nagito’s face. Is this despair, then?

I turn my eyes away from the stars, only reminded of how trapped I am here, 

The hotel is desolate at this time of night, my footsteps barely filling the silence as they echo through the open area. My feet bring me to the only inhabited place on the island without my consent, leaving me staring at the door. I extend my hand, pulling back before my fingers can even brush the wood. Am I really going to do this? I’m not even sure what this is. 

I ring the bell. The cottage is dark, the door thrown wide open in a panic but keeping what’s inside shrouded in shadow. Fuyuhiko’s eyes are blown wide, both uncovered but only one focused on me. 

“What happened!” 

“Oh, um,” I laugh nervously. I woke him up like this but there’s nothing going on. “Nothing. Just..” my teeth dig into my bottom lip. I’m so stupid. It’s the middle of the night, why couldn’t I just sit in my cottage until morning? 

“Why don’t you come in.” Fuyuhiko steps to one side, demanding more than asking me in. I step inside, the light flickering slightly before switching on completely.

The small room is full, things strewn across the table and the floor. Magazines, books, photos, and the odd knife from the convenience store are just a few that catch my eye. I shuffle further inside to close the door, training my eyes down at the carpet under my feet. Here I am. Neither of us speak, the ocean waves in the distance not doing enough to fill the silence. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” I have to explain myself, but it’s painfully obvious Fuyuhiko wasn’t having the same problem. But his gaze softens, a pitying smile tugging at the corners of his mouth- and my heartstrings. 

"What got you?" he lifts a small stack of books off a chair, gently combining it with another to sit in their place, inviting me over to join him with a nod of the head. I sit across from him, back stiff. What got me? What was it that finally kept me from closing my eyes entirely? Was it the ruthless killing, four of my friends slaughtered; some before my very eyes? Was it this cruel containment, forced into the veil of freedom while we skitter around each other nervously until someone else drops dead? Was it Fuyuhiko's near death experience, so desperate to save someone he loved that he was willing to stand in front of her and die, just to be rejected by us when he returns? The betrayal,the unrest, the self doubt making me fear I could be the next one to snap? No.. 

"His eyes," the way Nagito looked at me.. it was unbearable. Despite everything, I can't help but consider Nagito my friend. He's an odd duck, but he's genuine. And while I was carrying him to the hospital, his frail body clutched against my chest… "he was so afraid.. and so am I." seeing Nagito's usually clear and crazed eyes hazed over, tears threatening to fall as pure fear clouded his grey eyes. 

Fuyuhiko nods knowingly, reaching to cover my hand with his own. His thumb drags along my knuckles, the steady motion making each breath just a little easier. He's unguarded like I never could've imagined, his entire body tilted openly towards me; eyes soft and swimming with sincerity. 

"Murder is one thing, you can fight murderers. There’s always someone to blame when it goes to hell. We can’t fight a disease. It could wipe us all out and there’s fuck all we could do about it.” he grits his teeth, bearing them for just a second as he looks away. There is one person we can blame.. For all of it. 

“Careful,” Fuyuhiko glances over my shoulder to the camera in his cabin, “I love that look in your eyes, but that’s a fight you wouldn’t win.” and I know he’s right. Nekomaru tried, and look where it got him. 

“I want to do something .” a sad smile tugs on his lips, grip on my hand tightening just slightly. 

“You’re here. Here for him, for me, for everyone. That’s more than enough. This killing game is more bearable with you around, so don’t go dying on me now, ya hear?" I look down at our linked hands, the fear in my chest melting as I start to feel warm. 

“Thanks,” my throat is scratchy, eyes watering up but the tears only threatening to fall. “I’m glad I’m not alone.” if I was… I’d rather not think about it. I squeeze Fuyuhiko’s hand, holding him tightly before pulling my fingers away. “I should get some sleep.” I can’t keep the reluctance from my voice, thinking of the empty room just a few cabins away. It feels like so far. 

“Why-” he reaches out for me again, catching my arm before I can turn away completely, “Why don’t you stay here? Neither of us have to be alone.” I can see my own fear mirrored in his eyes, uneasiness I hadn't seen before creeping in at the thought of me leaving. He’s scared too, just as much as the rest of us. His ultimate talent can’t change the fact that he’s just a kid.

The scar slashes across his eye is still fresh, a constant reminder of what he’s been through that he can’t escape. Heavier than any memory. I nod tightly, relief washing over Fuyuhiko’s face. He pulls me into a hug, wrapping both arms around me and holding me against his chest. 

“Thank you.” his words are full of tears he can’t bring himself to shed, soft and fragile. He grips onto me tightly in the dark, and I hold onto him until I’m finally lulled to sleep by the steady ocean waves.