Felix has already heard everything the morning they got together yet it still hurts when they finally announce their relationship. Chan promises them that there’s not going to be any favoritism just because they’re an item now but Felix doubts that. Chan has always had a soft spot for Jisung. It’s not going to magically stop, especially now when they’re romantically involved.
Everyone seems to be happy for them, Felix included. He genuinely loves both of them, Chan is like an older brother to him and he can’t hate him, ever. But he wants to. Wants to slap that stupid lovesick smile off his face.
But he makes Jisung happy. And there’s nothing Felix wants more than for the older boy to be happy. Sure, he’d prefer to be the source of the happiness but there’s nothing he can do, not really. So he grits his teeth and hugs them both, faking smiles left and right. Then he locks himself in the bathroom and cries for good thirty minutes while the alarmingly hot water keeps hitting his body that’s curled up in the corner.
It’s not like Jisung is gone or that he can’t talk to him ever again just because he’s got himself a boyfriend now. But Felix used to be the source of comfort for Jisung, he used to be the one he sought for cuddles and affection. He has someone else for that now. Someone who isn’t Felix. And that hurts.
He tries to slip into his bed unnoticed but of course there is Minho waiting for him, sitting comfortably on his bed. Felix sighs and sits beside him. The older man looks at him, a frown settled on his handsome face. “Did you get shampoo in your eyes or were you crying?”
Felix looks up at him. It actually surprises him how observant the dancer is. He always looks like he doesn’t care about the others but it’s not true. He’s just not very good with expressing his emotions. His I love you’s are a little different, hidden in actions and small things he does. He never says those words out loud, not because he thinks that it’s weird for men to say such things to each other, he’s just always been that way, even when they were trainees.
But Felix sees his true feelings and emotions in the way he makes him breakfast when he wakes up a little late, in the way he stays behind with him to perfect their new choreography, in the way he pulls him into a hug while they’re sitting on the bed, Felix’s eyes red from crying for long minutes, hair still dripping wet.
“Usually, when I feel like crap, I cuddle my cats. They hate it, Especially Dori,” he chuckles fondly. “But obviously, I’m not home most of the time so I don’t have my cats to cuddle.” He lies down, taking Felix with him. “You’ll do.”
Felix knows that it’s not because Minho feels like crap that they’re cuddling. He can tell that Felix doesn’t want to talk about it and he’s trying to comfort him anyway. Felix couldn’t be any more grateful for his hyung in that moment. He’s warm and smells like the watermelon body wash he bought last week. It’s nice, this is nice. It doesn’t solve anything but it’s a nice distraction. They fall asleep with Minho spooning the younger boy.
It becomes a regular thing for both of them. Whenever Minho notices that Felix was crying or that he just isn’t his usual cheerful self, he finds any excuse, no matter how transparent or dumb, to cuddle him and if they can’t cuddle, because of practice or anything else, he at least hold his hand or runs his fingers through Felix’s hair and pats his cheek. Somehow, it makes Felix feel better every time, as if knowing that someone still wants to be close to him and craves physical affection from him can heal his broken heart. He’s probably feeling an unhealthy attachment to Minho, the older became his distraction from his feelings to Jisung. It’s almost safe to say that it almost doesn’t hurt him to see them kissing anymore. He knows that it’s not a good coping mechanism, to get so attached to another person, but it’s still better than crying over Jisung who will never love him back.
Felix enters the bedroom that he shares with Minho and Hyunjin and notices his hyung curled up in his bed, staring at his phone and pouting.
“Missing your babies?” He asks, startling Minho, who quickly locks the phone, then smiles at him. “Yeah, it’s been a while since I was home.”
The younger man sits on the edge of the bed and smiles, somewhat stiff. “Well I’m no cat but I can cuddle you. I’ll even meow and purr for you.” Minho slaps his thigh playfully and opens his arms so that Felix can curl up to his chest.
“Still not ready to talk about your troubles?”
“It’s nothing important,” Felix tries to assure him. Minho hums and runs his fingers through his dongsaeng’s hair and keeps playing with it until he finally falls asleep.
He wakes up few hours later, probably. It could’ve been an hour but also could have been four. The sky is dark and so is the room. He’s alone in the bed, Minho’s spot already cold. He can hear voices from the other side of the room, where is Felix’s and Hyunjin’s bunk bed. His eyes go wide when he hears a soft, muffled moan.
“I told you to be quiet, Jinnie. Felix is sleeping!” He recognizes Minho’s voice. There are some more sounds that are way too similar to kissing noises and Felix bites his lip. So they’re a thing. And no one even bothered to tell him, as usual. He can’t believe he kept hogging Minho to himself and away from his boyfriend. How many nights did Minho leave the bed to fuck Hyunjin? While he was in the room?
He shuts his eyes tight and covers his ears with his hands but he can still hear the quiet pleas and muffled groans. He can feel his eyes watering and it burns in his nose as it always does when he’s about to cry.
Just as they sounds that they’re about to finish and he can hear the dancer praising his lover, telling him what a good boy he is, he can’t take it anymore. He gets out of the bed and hurries out to the bathroom where he can close the door and hear nothing but his own heartbeat and breath.
“We wanted to tell you,” Minho says as he closes the door to the practice room. They finally got the final version for their next title track and now it was up to them to come up with a choreography.
“Like hell you did,” Felix frowns. “At least Jisung and Chan hyung were honest. But you two?” He’s tired. Doesn’t even want to be around them. His best friends and they didn’t trust him enough to tell him? He’d be happy for them, he wants to be happy for them!
He looks at Hyunjin. “No generic excuse from you?”
“Felix don’t do this. I know you feel betrayed but we really were going to tell you at some point.” He chuckles at that, bitter.
“At least warn me next time, before you start fucking five feet away from me.” With that, he doesn’t say much else for the rest of the session and lets Hyunjin and Minho basically come up with the whole choreography on their own . Suddenly he notices all these little signs he hasn’t seen before. How close they’re always sitting, their thighs touching. He notices Hyunjin rubbing Minho’s back and placing his hand on the older man’s hip afterwards. Something ugly bubbles up in his chest. Once again, he feels alone, unwanted and lost.
He’s sulking for the most part of the following week. Jisung noticed and tried to talk to him about it but Felix wasn’t having any of that. What would he even say? I used to be in love with you but I think that I caught feelings for Minho who is dating Hyunjin and I would never want to hurt him, Hyunjin is an angel. Yeah - no.
Chan also notices. Unlike Jisung, he doesn’t ask right away, he watches Felix, his moves, how his mood changes, and what causes it. Felix hates how well Chan can read him. He’s like an open book for him. But not as open as Chan thinks. He never figured out his feelings for his boyfriend and Felix is going to keep it that way.
“What happened, Lix?” It’s after dinner, everyone is cuddled up on their couch for their somewhat regular movie night. Minho is feeding Hyunjin popcorn. Felix can see Hyunjin’s tongue flicking against the pads of Minho’s fingers and his cheeks heat up.
“Nothing,” he mumbles, not in the mood for explaining, especially something so difficult as his feelings for those two.
But Chan is stubborn. He runs his fingers through Felix’s hair and caresses his cheek. “Talk to me, Felix. You know I’m here for you.”
“No thanks,” Felix gets up and moves to sit beside Changbin that puts his head on Felix’s shoulder. He doesn’t see Chan’s hurt expression and doesn’t even want to see.
Halfway through the movie, Hyunjin gets up and leaves to their shared bedroom, Minho follows him few minutes later. Felix can see his stomach tighten and his chest starts hurting. He knows damn well what’s going on.
Suddenly upset, he stands up, ignoring Changbin that falls face first on the cushion. “I’m going to the studio. To practice.” Because that’s what he does the best, that’s what he’s good at. He’ll just dance until he feels okay again. Dance until he knows every move, every step by heart. Dance until his heart just turns off and his brain takes over again.
It’s around three in the morning when the door to the practice room opens. He looks into the mirror and frowns. “Shouldn’t you be asleep? That’s why you left in the middle of the movie, isn’t it?” His voice is laced with hatred. He’s bitter and tired and so upset.
“Chan hyung said you weren’t picking up your phone. So I went to look for you.”
“I’m not a child anymore, Hyunjin. I can handle myself.” He takes a sip from his water bottle and stands up, ready to go over the choreography one more time. Hyunjin walks over to him and pulls him into a hug, backing them until his back hits the wall. Felix hates it, he’s sweaty and sticky and gross. He hates it because Hyunjin is soft and tall and warm. He smells like cinnamon and peppermint tea. “Let go.”
“No.” With one arm securely around Felix’s waist, he starts mapping his freckles, his fingers gliding over his cheeks and nose. Felix’s heart starts beating a bit faster. Then, Hyunjin leans down and kisses him on the forehead and on the cheeks. Over and over. Each freckle gets a smooch. Felix almost starts crying when the taller man straightens up and continues to caress his face. “Whatever happened between you and hyung, I’m not getting between that,” the dancer frowns, swatting the other man’s hand away from his face. There’s still the warm tingling sensation lingering on his skin but he ignores that.
“Hyung and I are fine,” the older of the two smiles and leans against the wall. “Unlike you. Who hurt you, baby?” His heart flutters at the pet name.
“I’m not your baby and it’s none of your business.”
“You could be,” Hyunjin chuckles when he sees Felix glaring at him. “I mean it. Hyung and I... we’re not exclusive. We like each other very much, but we also like other people. And we feel like this one particular person likes us back.”
Felix’s breath hitches. No. No no no. He’s been careful. He’s been barely even thinking about it. “Hyunjin...”
“Let’s go home. We can take a shower together and then cuddle, what do you think? All three of us! Hyung misses you. You haven’t cuddled him in ages. And he loves cuddling you.” The Australian feels himself getting red in the face. He misses cuddling Minho, too.
“I don’t wanna get between you two,” he sighs as they’re walking home, hand in hand.
“You could never, darling, we like you very much.” It’s weird to hear Hyunjin talk like this. Usually, he’s the baby, the one that needs to be taken care of and showered with attention and affection. Both of which Felix is ready to give to him.
They silently get into the dorms and walk into the bathroom. Everything is quiet and the stream of water sounds deafening. Hyunjin helps Felix out of his sweaty clothes and then discards his own. He looks as if his body was carved by Greek gods themselves. Once they’re in the shower, wet and giggly, Hyunjin pulls Felix into a hug one more time. Then he washes his hair and keeps kissing him all over, probably because of his freckles again. When he leans in again, their lips meet in the middle. The kiss is sweet and slow and Felix could get lost in the feeling of Hyunjin’s heavenly plump lips against his. They’re pressed chest to chest and he moans quietly when Hyunjin grinds his hips against his.
“Let’s go to the bedroom, sweetheart,” he whispers. Felix nods, shakily. He wants Hyunjin to keep kissing him and rubbing his back. But he wants Minho, too. He wants to know what it feels like to be kissed by his hyung. They run to their bedroom naked, holding hands and just barely holding back their laughter. When they enter the room, Minho’s bedside table lamp is on and the oldest of the three is still awake. He looks at them with his eyebrows quirked and a smirk playing on his lips. Felix is suddenly very much aware of his nudity and feels shy, trying to cover himself up.
“Don’t,” Minho smiles. “You look beautiful. Come here baby.” Felix sits on his lap. The soft material of Minho’s shorts almost tickles against Felix’s bare thighs. Finally, they kiss. Where Hyunjin’s kisses were soft and gentle, Minho’s are deep and passionate. He loves it, loves everything about it. He whines into Minho’s mouth, needy, and grinds his crotch against Minho’s.
“Slow down, doll,” the oldest chuckles. “Turn around, can you do that for me?” Felix nods and turns around, still sitting on his hyung’s lap but facing Hyunjin who kneels down in front of them and takes Felix into his mouth, looking up at him. The youngest of the three bites his lip, holding back a moan. It feels good, too good, Hyunjin’s tongue is doing wonders to him and Minho’s pretty fingers are playing with his nipples. He knows he’s not going to last long. Minho kisses him when he finishes into Hyunjin’s mouth and then kisses the taller man. Something in Felix’s chest still stings.
His body is all pliant and spent, he’s sleepy but content. The postcoital bliss slowly leaving his body. He’s drifting in and out of sleep, and Minho notices. He kisses his cheek and starts playing with his hair just like he used to. “Sleep baby, it’s really late.”
Hyunjin kisses him too, on the mouth. Finally, he closes his eyes and lets the sleep take over. Just as he’s drifting off he hears Minho clear his throat. “I think we should stop seeing each other like this, Hyunjin.”