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I'm really going to miss you

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Sean's heart was racing as he leaped out of a window and safely landed on the scaffolding, immediately feeling sick from being so high and in danger of falling down. But he had been on the run for so long that he felt like he was turning into a wolf - As fast as one, as tactical as one, as strong as one. Climbing down a scaffolding should be easy. Now he just needed his brother wolf to join him and everything would be okay.

As he climbed down, he was constantly reminded that his body wasn't the same anymore. After his coma and being interrogated by cops and a nosy detective, Sean had only been able to visit a physical therapist a few times. He felt like he was out of breath way too fast. His whole body felt tight and not as flexible as it was before. But his sore muscles weren't the worst thing about his health. He was missing a whole eye. Now with only one eye, focusing made his head hurt. Drawing was much harder than before. It was hard to tell what was close and what was not. Maybe that's why climbing down the scaffolding made him feel so sick in his stomach - He always wasn't sure how close the edge was.

 

As Sean passed by multiple windows, he ended up freezing in front of a room with lights still on and a person sleeping on the bed. “That’s … That’s Finn!” Sean thought to himself as he gazed inside. He couldn’t see Finn’s face, but his whole body language just screamed that he was exhausted. Who wouldn’t be after their heist and then after being admitted to a hospital with cops coming after you the second you wake up?

For a moment, their heist had been going so well. The plan was to break in, get the money, and get the hell out. But only a second later, they had been caught, almost killed, and left behind. Sean wondered where the hell Daniel had ran off to after basically making the whole place explode. Now he and Finn were in big trouble, and his brother Daniel was all alone in the world.

Sean didn’t waste a second to start knocking on the window. Hell, he even tried to open it more. But it was the same as his damn window - Locked in place with only a small crack open to let the air in. He wished he could climb in, quietly wake his friend up and they could escape together. But a simple window stopped that from happening. Sean had to say his good byes by a damn window. “Finn! Hey! Over here”, Sean called out to him, hoping he wouldn’t alert anyone. Finn groaned and slowly woke up from his deep slumber, and the second he saw Sean by the window he sat up.

“Holy fucking shit!” Finn said, now fully awake. “Sean, what the hell are you doing here?!”

Sean had thought the same, too, about Finn. He was so surprised to be lucky enough to see Finn again, and here of all places. He wasn’t told much since he was considered a murderer now, but puzzle pieces had started to lock up together. He and Finn had planned the heist. Sean was, and still is, facing jail because of the heist despite its failure and the ‘murder’ of the police officer that shot his dad. But Finn’s fate was unclear. Sean could only pray his punishment wouldn’t be as severe as his was.

“I’m trying to bail”, Sean confessed.

“Son of a bitch …”

Finn didn’t seem surprised about his friend trying to escape. He had taken his time to get to know the brothers, both in different ways, and had learned that despite the hard times, Sean and Daniel always stuck together. He had always admired Sean's dedication to do anything to protect his brother.

“I wish I knew you were here. Coulda hooked up!” Finn joked. Sean chuckled at that. He wish he would have known Finn was here, too. Maybe they could have met and talked just like before at their camp. Sean could have used the company. Staying at a hospital was boring enough on its own, but it was more devastating to stay in one room when you no longer couldn't draw and the television only showed boring reality shows. 

He had missed Finn. So much. For a moment, he had thought Finn died, or at least bailed without him. At least Finn was getting treatment now and was safe, somewhat. Sean wished he would have kept that handle bar with him so he could maybe bust the lock open or something and get Finn out. Finn wasn't the bad guy here, and neither was Sean. But Finn deserved his freedom more than Sean did.

“So, where’s Daniel?” Finn asked, sitting up a little straighter before gritting his teeth. He wasn’t as beat up as Sean was, but he was still in obvious pain. 

“Just learned that he’s in Nevada”, Sean told him. He trusted Finn to not spread this information around.

“What the fuck? Why Nevada?”

“I’m on my way to find out, man …”

Sean knew that Jacob had taken his younger brother with him. He wasn’t sure why the two of them headed over to Nevada, but he guessed that’s where Jacob was from. Didn’t Jacob say he was from some very religious place? Didn’t sound too good, but hopefully religious people were as nice and helpful as they claimed to be. Sean just wished Daniel was still with Jacob, someone he actually knew and trusted, and not some stranger who might use him, or even worse, call the cops on him.

“Damn, I wish I could help you, but I won’t get too far”, Finn sighed and turned his eyes over to his legs. They didn’t seem broken, but something seemed wrong with them. Finn was able to lift one leg up, then the other one, so at least he wasn't paralyzed or anything. Sean was glad he lost his eye and not his legs. He needed them the most when he was going to go on a run. 

“I brought this on myself”, Finn continued, trying to seem positive no matter what.

“Are the police on your ass or what?” Sean asked, desperately wanting to move closer, to sit by the edge of his bed and caress Finn’s back in a comforting way, but the damn window was in the way. It wouldn’t budge.

“Fuck, yeah. Pigs want me to narc on everybody … Like they’d fucking believe me”, Finn sighed. He seemed troubled, but not as worried as his friend was. Finn has been through a lot, and this wasn’t the worst situation he’s been in. He had a talent of sweet talking out of any situation, and he seemed confident that he was going to be just fine.

He inspected Sean’s eye patch a little harder, almost curious to see what it looked like underneath. He seemed a bit shocked to see Sean had lost his eye somehow during the heist. “So, how bad is it .... Your … eye?”

“Let’s just say I still got one left”, Sean sighed.

Finn swallowed strongly, guilt taking over his face. “Sean, I know this doesn’t mean shit to you now, but I am sorry …". Finn rubbed his eyes like he was fighting back tears and sighed. “About everything.”

“I don’t blame you, Finn”, Sean immediately comforted him, coming closer to the window. “You tried something, even if it ended up being a mistake. I’ll just have to make things right for good now.”

Finn’s idea to break in and steal some cash was crazy, idiotic, a damn death wish. But Merrill had refused to pay them the money they deserved from their hard work, and had even fired Sean and Daniel. The job was shitty and illegal anyway, but it had pissed Sean off. Stealing from Merrill had been a stupid idea, but at least Finn had been ready to take action and make a difference, while Sean was always being careful, maybe too careful. He had almost given up on everything. But Finn was there for him, even if he only had a dangerous idea in his pocket.

Besides, Finn had wanted to come with them. He didn’t suggest doing this heist because he was selfish, he did it so he, Sean and Daniel could be all together and look for a better life. And every day Sean had hoped they could have ran away and lived happily ever after or something. No such luck, sadly. Now the cops were after them.

“Thank you, Sean”, Finn chuckled at him, feeling genuinely happy from his words. “You’re a fucking gem, man.”

Sean turned his hand into a fist. He couldn’t stop feeling so damn sad. He was happy to see Finn again, but this might as well be the last time the two of them ever see each other. And he didn’t want that. After their first, and sadly only kiss, Sean had been so eager he had planned their future together already. Well, he had mostly imagined going on a run with Finn, then imagined what kind of adventures they would end up in, and how they would secretly kiss each other somewhere where Daniel wouldn’t find them. But he had no idea if that’s what Finn wanted. He remembered the night by the campfire when he had got his haircut and had drank just a little bit too much. Finn had talked about being the kind of guy who would fuck anybody, no matter their gender or his relationship to them. 

Sudden fear hit Sean. He didn’t want to be just a quick kiss to Finn, when the guy meant so much to him already. Finn was so important to him. Of course, not important enough for Sean to give up on his little brother. But he still liked Finn so much his heart ached. And he just wished Finn felt the same way.

Finn didn’t really seem to notice how anxious Sean was, because soon he opened his mouth again. "I love you man", Finn's smile was a mixture of heartfelt happiness and regret. "I really do."

Sean smiled back at him, his heart starting to pick up its pace. His hands immediately got sweaty, his stomach twisted oddly and he felt like he was gonna fall. But at the same time, this euphoric feeling took over his whole body. He trusted Finn. He wanted Finn. He ... 

"I … I love you, too, Finn."

 

He loved Finn.

He wished the two of them would have had more time.

 

“You know, that night … It meant a lot to me”, Finn’s face kept smiling, but his eyes looked so sad. He was a hard guy to read, but after their kiss Sean felt like he was more connected to his friend. He still remembered the night they kissed. It had been new to Sean, but it wasn't scary, more like exciting. That night had meant the world to him.

He knew he should get going already. It would only be a matter of time before someone would come into his room and realize he was gone. But he had to do one more thing before leaving this hellhole.

"Can you get up?"

Finn looked at his legs quietly, before tossing the covers away and sitting up. He first touched the floor with his toes, then pressed his feet down against the cold floor that pierced against his bare skin. Slow and steady, Finn stood up and took a few steps towards the window before he stumbled and almost collapsed. Luckily he fell forward and his hands managed to find balance from the window. 

“Fuck’s sake. Sorry. My legs feel all wonky and shit”, Finn laughed it off before looking at Sean, focusing more on his missing eye. “So, what’s up?”

Sean bit down onto his bottom lip as he crouched down to be on the same eye-level as Finn, before he slipped his hand past the window crack. Luckily the fit wasn’t tight at all so there was no fear of getting stuck. Not like he didn’t want to be stuck and stay close to Finn. His hand first landed over Finn’s shoulder a little awkwardly, before he started rubbing his thumb down. “Just wanted to say a proper good-bye.”

Finn laughed nervously at that, then nodded. “Aye, I got you.”

 

Finn reached out of the window too, the chilly air hitting his bare arm as he reached for Sean’s face, pressing his palm against his cheek. Sean leaned closer to the window, then rubbed his face against his friend’s hand. He felt warm. Finn always felt warm.

“You’re such a damn softie”, Finn mumbled before guiding Sean’s hand to his own cheek. Despite giving that teasing insult, Finn couldn’t help but press his face harder against Sean’s hand, getting the most of the little contact they could share with a glass window between their bodies. They stayed just like that for a little while, until Finn sighed sadly and gave the smallest kiss against Sean’s palm. His whole body twitched gently from it, which was insane because it was such a small gesture. 

Then, Finn kissed him again. And again. More kisses were pressed against Sean’s palm, then over his fingers, then his knuckles, then back to his palm when Finn snuggled against his hand. “I love you”, he whispered, planting another kiss on his hand. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Me too, Finn”, Sean’s voice cracked before he returned the kisses, his moist lips making contact with the warmth of Finn’s palm. “Me too.”

“Fuck, that night before the heist, I … I really wanted to invite you to my tent”, Finn confessed, taking a small break from the kiss attacks. Sean blushed strongly and closed his eyes, just holding Finn’s hand against his cheek, refusing to let go. His heart was pounding so hard he swore he was getting a little dizzy.

Finn swallowed. “I don’t know if me and you would have hit second base .. I would have been happy to just … shit, this is kinda gay, but I would have loved to just cuddle up together with you and make out until the sun would rise.”

“Finn”, Sean literally moaned, getting so desperate. He stroked his thumb over Finn’s cheekbone, then under his eyes were he had a tattooed line of three triangles pointing down. Then, he stroked his hand down until his thumb hit Finn’s lips, and the man opened his mouth. Finn was eager as hell, as desperate as Sean was, as he started kissing Sean’s damn thumb. It made him giggle.

“Don’t laugh at me, dork”, Finn smirked. “You do the same. Just close your eyes and imagine you’re actually kissing me.”

That was another one of his stupid ideas. But at this moment, it was the best they could do. And Sean had never been this desperate to be in contact with someone.

So, he let Finn move his thumb over to his lips and with small hesitation, Sean parted his lips and started kissing his thumb, somehow trying to imagine he was kissing a pair of lips. Both of their eyes closed as they just felt their partner’s kisses against their finger, both of them trying to mimic each other’s movements to make the illusion stronger. It was so stupid. It definitely looked stupid. But when Sean fantasized about it hard enough, he swore it started to feel like he was really kissing Finn. God, he missed the taste of his lips.

He didn’t care that they stood by the window like that for a few minutes that felt like hours. He didn’t care that it was pretty cold outside, and that his body, especially his left side of his face, was aching like hell. He didn’t care that soon people would realize he was missing and would come looking for him. Right now, all that mattered was Finn. And he was going to be here as long as he could.

Speaking of Finn, he seemed to grow a little braver. For a moment he stopped kissing, and Sean slowly stopped too. He stroked his thumb down, following another tattoo that was a line down from Finn’s bottom lip to his chin, admiring it like it was a birthmark. He loved Finn’s tattoos and his crazy hair. He wondered if Finn had tattoos somewhere else, too.

Then, Finn opened his mouth wider and took Sean’s thumb inside his mouth, slowly starting to suck on it, a predatory look hidden in his eyes. That caught Sean off guard.

Finn”, he called out to him again, but his voice was almost as quiet as a whisper. He was losing his voice because of this man.

“Remember this moment, Sean”, Finn coaxed him, giving him the bedroom eyes. “Remember how it felt when I kissed you. Remember how this feels.”

Finn was back to sucking onto his thumb, his lips perfectly wrapped around it as he popped his head against it, taking his whole finger in, then only the tip. Sean first thought it was weird, then it was a bit hot. Then he realized that Finn was pretending to be sucking his cock. He wanted Sean to remember how his mouth worked, so one night when Sean would touch himself, he would only have to memorize how Finn’s mouth moved and his fantasy of being sucked off became a little more real.  

The moment Finn’s tongue started stroking against his finger, Sean released the tiniest moan. His forehead hit the window as he panted, his eyes closed so he could focus more on how Finn’s tongue moved. Up and down, up and down, then it flickered over the fleshy part of his thumb, before stroking in circles around it. Just imagining Finn using his tongue like that on his cock made Sean feel a little dizzy.

He decided to return the favor. Smiling a little awkwardly, Sean took Finn’s thumb inside his mouth and started mimicking his movements. Only after a few seconds did Finn suddenly break and he pulled back with laughter. “The hell are we two even doing?” he cackled.

“It was your idea”, Sean reminded him with a cocky attitude. They both laughed for a short while before things turned serious again. They knew it was time to go. Both of them had the same idea as they reached for each other’s faces again, caressing their skin, and in return pressing their cheeks against the other one’s palm before pulling back.

“Maybe we’ll see each other again”, Sean choked again on air, fighting so hard to not cry. Not in front of Finn. He wanted this to be a happy memory, not a sad one.

“You’re gonna find him, sweetie”, Finn said as he pressed his hand against the glass. “I trust you. So you should trust yourself, too.”

Sean forced a small smile on his face as he pressed his hand over the glass too, still cursing that they couldn’t fully open it. Both of them took deep breaths, before Sean pulled back. “I’ll always remember you, Finn”, he said before standing up, starting to make his way back down on the ground.

“I’ll always remember you too, you crackhead”, Finn quickly said to him before Sean was gone, out of the view. His heart broken, Finn stayed by the window, gazing outside in the darkness, wishing to see one last glimpse of the only person he had grown actual feelings for. As for Sean, Finn never left his mind as he found his escape and started heading towards Nevada to find his little brother.