“And freedom, oh freedom, well that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking through this world all alone”
© Eagles - Desperado
It happens to anyone sometimes. One day you decide you’re fed up. One day you feel like you’re stuck. Something went wrong and you are not sure where to go. So you thought the only possible way is… Nowhere. Nowhere and everywhere at once. You decide to run away. Away from all this routine. From your annoying job, from the pieces of your broken relationship, from this town that’s suffocating you. Leave everything behind, just because you’re too tired of making decisions. You will sort your life out later, but now you need a recharge. A reboot. So you go to the bus station and buy a ticket. And then – another one. And another.
You enjoy it more than you thought you would, just travelling from one state to another. Staying at motels. Seeing new places. Meeting new people and becoming almost friends with them for just a few hours. After you get off the bus you know you probably won’t see them again. And it’s okay. You don’t mind. It’s easier this way.
In fact, on the road everything is easier. Your head is getting clearer from the useless thoughts and worries. You know one day you’ll have to come back to your daily life, but not now. Not yet. It’s your rehab and you’re not going to return until you’re fully healed.
Travelling by busses is good. Plane tickets are too expensive. Well, not that expensive, you’ve got money. But cheaper tickets give you opportunity to travel more, not staying anywhere for too long. Road is your cure. You don’t know where exactly you are going and what you’re looking for, but one thing you know for sure - you just need to keep moving.
You meet him on your way to Montana. Or Nebraska. Whatever. You got on the bus in the afternoon and you’ll be at your destination tomorrow in the morning. None of the people you’ve met during your travels liked sleeping in the bus, but as for you – you weirdly enjoyed it.
He takes a seat next to you.
- Hi, - he says with a friendly smile and you look at your new travelling companion. He looks like he’s been on the road for quite a while as well as you. His hair’s a bit messy, light blue plaid shirt and jeans are slightly crumpled. For some reason you immediately like his eyes: green with a touch of warm hazel.
- I’m Victor, - he says. - Apparently we have to spend next… almost 12 hours together.
- Guess so, - you smile back. - Hi, Victor. I’m y/n.
You shake hands.
- Where are you going, y/n? If it’s not a secret of course.
- Nowhere. Everywhere. Just travelling, - you shrug.
- Really? - He raises his eyebrows. – You’d be surprised, but I’m kinda doing the same.
- I’m actually not that surprised. Being on the road is a good therapy.
- Therapy? From what?
- Anything. Daily routine. Broken heart. Failures. Overthinking. Any other issues you have. Maybe it’s not a cure from everything, but it certainly helps in many cases. Sometimes when you lost your track in life the best thing is to go away. You things differently on the road. And once you return, you might know what to do… Or not. But you’ll give yourself a break which is already a good thing.
You really don’t know why you’re telling all this to him. He didn’t ask you about your life philosophy after all. But he listens to you attentively and you can see the interest in his eyes.
- Yeah, you’re right, - he nods. - That’s probably one of the reason I’m here as well. I just didn’t think of that much. Just felt the urge to go and here I am.
- That’s cool. I’ve been travelling for almost two weeks, and most of the time I meet people who go to see their friends or relatives… to weddings, birthdays, funerals… You’re the only person who travels just to travel.
- Same here.
You smile at each other. At this moment you feel like you’re partners in crime. People around you have their lives and plans. All you have is the road.
Along the way you keep talking. It always amazed you how it’s easier sometimes to tell certain things to a complete stranger. By the night you already feel like you know each other for ages. Of course it’s not true. Each of you have issues you prefer not to think or talk about right now. You only tell what you want to tell. No more and no less. You tell about your pains and troubles, but you don’t mention all the details. Just enough for him to understand. You don’t want to sound like you’re complaining.
He lost his mother recently, he says. His mother was a reason for him to drop out of a medical university, where he actually was pretty good, and go to work. He needed to earn money to keep her in private clinic. Now that she died he’s not sure what to do. On the one hand he’s free. On the other - he kind of misses the feeling that someone needs him.
- Pretty selfish, I know. But that’s it, - he says.
- We all are selfish in a way, - you reply. - We all need appreciation. I can’t blame you for that.
You talk until it’s late and the lights are out. Your eyelids are getting heavy and you’re not even sure at what point you doze off.
You wake up and realize your head is on his shoulder.
- Morning, - he smirks when he sees you’re awake.
- Morning… - you rub your eyes. - Hope I didn’t drool on your shirt…
- That’s fine, you drooled just a bit, - he laughs and you give him a playful punch.
As you get out of the bus you find out you’re going to the same city afterwards. You feel suddenly excited, because you don’t really want to leave him yet. Unlike any other people sitting next to you in the buses – nice, interesting, really cool people – only to him you’re not ready to say goodbye. Do you like him? Apparently so. Is it good or bad? You’ll decide along the way.
You separate until the evening. Victor has something to do here. Meet a friend or something. You didn’t ask too many questions. You do a bit of sightseeing, have lunch in a cozy diner, find a nice place to read a book in the park.
You meet again at the station and smile at each other as if you’re good old friends. Maybe something more than just friends? You’ll find it out soon enough.
You’re having a “pee stop” late in the evening just before the lights in the bus are out for the night. A casual stop to let the passengers brush their teeth and stuff. Some people go have coffee in the diner.
There’s a narrow corridor between the wall of the diner and the toilets, and when the men’s toilet door opens, you and Victor are pressed against the wall to let your fellow passenger go. Not a very romantic place at all, but as his body gets so close to yours, you realize you enjoy his warmth. There’s a moment when you feel small against him, even though he’s not that big or tall. Just a bit taller than you and certainly stronger. You like it.
You feel his breath on your temple.
- Will you freak out if I say I like the smell of your hair?
- I don’t know. Try.
- I like the smell of your hair.
You’re pretty sure your hair smell like cheap cherry dry shampoo you used this morning, but whatever. You feel shivers down your spine as his lips are way too close. First - against your temple, then going down to your cheekbone, and then you turn your head slightly to meet them with yours. Your lips nearly touch and at this moment the women’s toilet door opens.
In the toilet you do what you planned to do there. Brush your teeth and wash your face. Also you change into your night-in-the bus outfit: a loose shirt with Nirvana logo and a pair of comfy sweatpants instead of jeans.
As you open the door you find him waiting for you. You check your watch. There’s still time. About 15 minutes. So you take his hand and lead him behind the diner.
Now you’re pressed against the wall again and his lips are finally on yours. The kiss is deep and feverish. Your fingers are into his hair and his – on your waist underneath your t-shirt. His breath is hot, lips and tongue are both tender and demanding. You sigh, pulling him even closer as he pushes his tongue into your mouth eagerly. You lift your leg, bending your knee in need for friction, and he holds your thigh as your lower bellies press together.
The bus is beeping – a sign for you to get back in, so you have to let go of each other. Your knees are weak.
- Wow, - you breathe out once you’re on your seat. - What was that?
- Passion? - He shrugs with a smirk.
You both laugh. It doesn’t even feel awkward. Looking at him you even feel like suggesting him getting a motel room together tomorrow, but you don’t want to rush things up that much. You’ll see in the morning, you think.
The lights are out. All the passengers seem to sleep soundly. Someone is snoring on the back seat. You doze off as well. It was a long day. In a doze you can feel your head falling down, but you’re too sleepy to do something about it. You end up leaning against Victor’s shoulder again. It feels nice. Comfy. Half asleep, you feel his fingers on your cheek as he brushes a strand of hair from your face. Then they move to the side of your neck and you shiver as his fingertips gently stroke your skin. Sighing, you lean back against the headrest. You want to tell him to stop because this quite innocent caress makes you horny as hell, but at the same time you want him to keep going. Victor’s stubble is tickling your skin, his lips are on your neck now, moving up to your ear, that sensitive area behind it. His hand goes up your thigh to your belly. You can feel his fingertips run along the hem of your sweatpants. His tongue is warm behind your ear and you hold back a whimper as his hand slides underneath your pants and reaches your underwear, stroking softly through thin material.
- Vic, - you whisper breathlessly, your eyes snapping open as the realization that you’re actually on public hits you.
- You don’t want me to stop, do you? - He hushes into your neck, his hand still between your legs.
You blink. The bus is still dark and silent. On the seat opposite you a man is sleeping with his earplugs and sleep mask on. His wife turned to the side leaning her forehead against the window so you can only see the back of her head.
Maybe… If you’ll be quiet enough he doesn’t have to stop?.. Perfect crime.
Damn, this is crazy. What the hell are you thinking? What the hell are you doing? You only know him for like 24 hours…
You only shift a bit, giving him more access, and close your eyes again as his fingers slip between your folds. Down to your entrance to gather some juices and then back to your clit. You can’t help but letting out a quiet gasp as he starts to circle it slowly yet steadily. His touch is electric. You hold tightly onto your seat, your hips bucking towards Victor’s hand against your will. Through your half closed eyelids you see him opening his jeans. You think that any nice girl would be shocked or disgusted on your place: letting some guy, almost a stranger, get you off while he’s stroking himself - no way! Horrible. Yet this turns you on even more. Your breath quickens as his movements get faster, and you feel your insides fluttering. You see sparkles behind your eyelids and try not to moan out loud as your back arches uncontrollably and the orgasm hits you in swift, intense waves. Heavens.
You relax in your seat, trying to catch a breath, your eyes still closed, heart beating fast and loud. Through the haze of pleasant warmth overwhelming you, you notice that Victor gets off his seat, then hear him fumbling with the toilet door. The driver said the bus toilet can only be used in case of emergency. There definitely is such a case right now.
He comes back in a couple of minutes and you finally manage to open your eyes to look at him.
- You okay? - He asks silently.
You nod and he leans in for a kiss.
You lay your head on his shoulder feeling calm and relaxed. His warm palm covers your hand on his lap. And then you fall asleep.
You drink coffee at the bus station in the morning. He asks what are you gonna do next. You plan to stay in this city for a couple of days and continue your journey on Wednesday.
- I need to ask you something about last night, - he suddenly says. – You know, some people travel without any special destination because… They just want to get laid.
- And you think I’m one of them, - you frown.
- I don’t know. You tell me.
- I’m not.
- You sure about that? I mean, with all honesty… Very often sex is the only thing a person is really looking for. They just don’t want to admit it, but sex is the reason they do… a lot of stuff. They need it as an escape from reality…
- Well, I’ve got other ways to escape.
- Like going by bus from one state to another with no real purpose?
- Oh come on!
- Vic, what do you want to hear? If you think I’m looking for sex - you’re wrong. What happened last night - it just happened… I let this happen because I felt something.
- Please don’t tell me about love at first sight kind of bullshit…
- Don’t flatter yourself. It’s definitely not love at first sight. I don’t even believe in it. There are other things. Attraction, sympathy… Not just physical in my case. Call me weird, but I wouldn’t have let you touch me if I didn’t like you as a person.
- You don’t know what kind of a person I really am.
- You’re right, I don’t know much, but I guess that was enough, - you shrug. - Anyways, what about you? Why are you asking me about that? Were you looking for a shag?
- I don’t know. Maybe. To tell the truth I used to have a lot of sex that wasn’t really about feelings.
At least he’s honest, you think.
- Maybe you’re just afraid of feelings?
- I’m… No, I’m not. They just… They make things way too complicated.
- Than maybe we should say goodbye here and now. Before it got too complicated for you.
You get up, put a few coins on the table next to your cup, take the backpack and leave. A part of you wants him to say something. To stop you.
On Wednesday you’re at the bus station again. Standing in line to buy a ticket to your next destination, you suddenly hear someone calling your name. You turn your head to see him.
He gives you a slightly awkward smile.
- Hey, y/n. How about a little talk?..
With a sigh, you step out of the line.
- What are you doing here? I didn’t tell you where and what time I’m going…
- Right. That’s why I’m here since the first bus.
- Are you kidding me? Why?
- It’s… Complicated.
- Don’t play with me, Vic… Please don’t.
- Maybe I like you too, - he blurts out.
- Oh. Really?
- Or maybe I want to like you… You know, get to know you better and stuff. I… For some reason kept thinking about you these days. There’s something about you… You’re not like anyone else. I wanna try to get to know you, not just sleep with you.
You want to say something sarcastic, but all witty replies stuck in your throat as you meet his gaze. He’s absolutely serious at the moment, you can see it in his eyes.
- But here’s a thing, - he continues. - I’m not sure if you’re still gonna like me if you hear my whole story. So I thought I could just tell you, and then you decide if I deserve a chance or not.
You look at him and think it probably really means something to him. Otherwise he wouldn’t be there since early morning. Maybe feelings make things complicated but… Everybody just needs somebody.
You nod and take his hand.
- Alright, Victor. You can tell me everything along the way.