Jisung’s room was bright. It was full of light, with the window open and the spring breeze floating gently through. It had a few colorful pictures on the wall, but otherwise was pretty sparsely decorated. It was clean too, cleaner than Felix’s room. In fact, it was nearly spotless. Felix considered the empty iced tea cans littering his own double room, and sat on the edge of Jisung’s bed, feeling a little inferior but mostly happy to be in a clean place for once.
Felix saw the clean, bright room, but he didn’t see the hours Jisung had spent before their study session picking dirty clothes off the floor, wiping several days worth of spilled beverages off the desk, sliding piles of books under the bed. Felix didn’t see any of the effort Jisung put into their interactions. Any of the sweating, or the overthinking, or the nights spent fantasizing about him. Maybe that was for the better, though. Jisung wasn’t really sure, but he was happy to have the other boy in his room.
“You have a single,” Felix remarked, taking in the space.
“Yeah, it’s medical.”
Felix scoffed, “Medical? For what?” And Jisung shrugged, a smile on his face, and pulled his laptop out from underneath his bed.
“ADHD. I’m telling you, they’ll give you one for anything, all you have to do is ask.”
The two boys were in Jisung’s room to work on an assignment for their Gender Studies class. It was something about transgender healthcare, which Felix had been assigned to because Of Course he was assigned to it, and Jisung had been assigned to because he wasn’t doing too well in the class and it seemed like an easy topic. Felix didn’t mind, he knew it was good to have a trans person in a gender studies class, it just wasn’t always the most fun to Be that trans person in the gender studies class. That’s why he was happy to hear that Jisung, who was only really in the class because it fit his schedule, had been paired up with him for the assignment. He always thought Jisung was kinda cute anyway, with that too-long hair and constantly bouncing demeanor.
“So did you read the chapter?” Felix asked, in that classic Australian drawl.
“Yeah, totally,” then “Well, I skimmed it,” then “I looked at it.” Jisung had looked at it, on his desk across the room from him while he furiously scrubbed who-knows-what from the top of his bookshelf. Yeah, maybe he was too preoccupied with what Felix thought of him, but who wouldn’t be. Felix had the most beautiful smile in the world, and his studiousness only made it more powerful when he laughed at the jokes Jisung tried to crack in class.
“That’s about what I figured,” Felix remarked with a smile. He pulled out his notebook and ran back through the pages, “I don't think any of it was too hard to figure out. Plus, we have lived experience to go off of so that always earns an extra point.”
“Right, right, right.” Jisung was listening. If you asked him, he would swear by it. But he was also intently focused on choosing a PowerPoint theme right now. Honestly, he felt like he had to be. One more minute of looking at Felix so close, on his bed of all places, and Jisung was certain he would lose it. There’s no way he wouldn’t be saying something stupid within the hour they had set aside for studying, and maybe he should have come to terms with that, but at least he could pick out a good font first. Jisung appreciated the allure of classic Helvetica, but wondered if a serif font would be more appropriate for such a big presentation, besides-
“Found any good fonts yet?” Oh fuck. Felix was still right there. Jisung took a deep breath and let out a nervous little laugh,
“Yeah. Sorry, just trying to find the perfect one.”
“Just use Calibri.”
Calibri it was. With the font decided, Jisung really had to focus on learning about healthcare or whatever. He had to focus. He had to learn about this, it was the midterm, he had to focus, but all Jisung seemed able to focus on was the plumpness of Felix’s lips and the smattering of freckles across his face. God, he really looked that good. Even up close. Focus, Jisung had to focus.
Jisung always had this problem. Truthfully, it was part of why he had such a hard time in the class. He tried to listen to what the professor was saying, he was sure it was something important, but he couldn’t stop spacing out with his eyes trained on Felix’s face or the small hand drawing little lines on his notes. Sometimes, Felix would catch him in the act. They’d lock eyes, Felix would smirk, and Jisung would jerk his head back towards the front of the room. They both knew what was happening, they weren’t stupid, but neither of them had the balls to really do anything about it.
“So, I figure we can probably start with some of the treatments they want us to talk about, and then get into the legal stuff.” Oh right. The presentation. Jisung was totally listening, but he didn’t quite catch that one, so he nodded a little too eagerly.
“Yep. Totally. That makes perfect sense.”
“Great, so hormone therapy.” Felix read off his notes and Jisung typed it into his laptop with just-slightly shaking hands. Jisung wanted to focus on his laptop screen, he had to, even though every cell in his body was straining to look at Felix. Felix was the best to look at, and Jisung couldn’t deny that knowing the other man was transgender stirred something in him. Not a fetish or anything, not something weird, God he didn’t want to be weird about Felix. But something. Maybe it was the way he talked about it in class, offering up details about his body and experiences like it wasn’t even a big deal. Jisung figured it wasn’t Felix’s transness that did it for him, it was the confidence, and okay maybe the transness a little too.
“So basically, you do the injections forever.”
“Forever?” Jisung looked up at Felix, who seemed like he really couldn’t care less
“Like until you die?”
“Forever until you die. Unless you want kids.” Felix looked up at Jisung, and that beautiful smile overtook his features, “You want to feel something gross?”
Felix’s small hand wrapped around Jisung’s wrist, bringing the other boy’s fingers to his lower abdomen and pressing down. Jisung felt a few things. First of all, he felt Felix’s stomach, which was warmer and more muscular than he had ever imagined. Then he felt a stirring in his pants at the closeness to the other boy, something like a little electric tingle when they met eyes and Felix was still smiling. Third, Jisung felt a lump. Nothing enormous, just a little mass of tissue about an inch across, roughly circular in size.
“What is that?” Jisung asked, struggling to keep the words in his mouth.
“It’s scar tissue from doing injections. Here, there’s one on the other side too.”
Felix moved his hand to the other side of his abdomen, pulling Jisung closer. Jisung was close enough to smell him, and god he smelled good. Like vanilla and dryer sheets and coconut and not really like any of those things exactly, but still just as good. He smelled happy. Felix smiled. He knew Jisung had a crush on him, but he hadn’t known it was this big. And he hadn’t known Jisung’s cold, soft palm on his stomach would send his own heart racing like this.
“Should we, um,” Jisung knew it would be normal to pull his hand away, but just couldn’t drive himself to move, “Should we put that in the presentation?” Felix shrugged and let go of the other boy’s wrist,
“I don't know, it doesn’t really seem essential. That one can stay between the two of us.” Felix smiled, and Jisung smiled back. He felt like he would never stop smiling again. The two boys went back to work on the presentation, and Jisung couldn’t help but notice how Felix managed to subtly move closer to him over time. First Felix brushed Jisung’s knee with his own, certainly aware that it set him on edge, then Felix let a hand rest on Jisung’s thigh, until somehow Felix ended up with his head leaning on his right hand, his right elbow resting in the middle of Jisung’s thighs. They worked like this for a while, and it was even strangely comfortable, until Jisung started feeling antsy again. Yes, Jisung was happy to have Felix resting in his lap (Who wouldn’t be?) but he wanted so much more. Felix was right there, he could touch him. He wanted to so bad. Ever so cautiously, Jisung placed his hand on Felix’s upper back and traced gentle figure eights with the very tip of his fingernail. Felix (who had mostly taken over the presentation by now) finished his current slide, then let out a satisfied breath.
“God, that feels good,” he murmured, so Jisung continued his caress, allowing the figure-eights to grow larger and larger with time. A few 8’s later, and Felix let his head drop fully into Jisungs lap. Jisung couldn’t help but think that Felix looked really good like that. He imagined those full lips wrapped around his cock, sinking deeper onto him until-
Oops. Jisung had reached under Felix’s shirt, and was now running a hand over his bare skin. It felt good, amazing actually. Jisung could feel every muscle in Felix’s back, the way they jumped and tensed when Jisung ran over them just right. Felix shut the laptop and slid it away from himself on the bed, laying himself down on his stomach with his upper torso draped across Jisung’s lap. His body warmth and weight felt comfortable, quelling the constant bouncing of Jisung’s legs. Jisung kept rubbing his back, breathing heavy with the excitement from touching Felix’s skin. Felix groaned a little, sighed, then gently brushed Jisung’s hand away and rolled over onto his back.
Jisung had almost forgotten how beautiful Felix was. The boy stared up at him with those big, bright eyes and smiled. This smile was somehow triumphant, even a little mocking, so Jisung felt stirred to ask,
“What?” And Felix laughed a little,
“You know what.” Jisung stuttered and looked around the room dramatically,
“What? No, I don't know what. Did I do something?”
“That wasn’t something?”
“I don't know what you’re talking about.”
Felix looked up at him, still smiling. His eyes narrowed a little, and then suddenly Felix was coming up to his knees, cradling Jisung’s face, and kissing him. Those lips were just as soft as Jisung had imagined, moving slow and passionately against his own. The kiss broke once for Felix to smile, scanning Jisung’s face, and then they were back together again. Jisung let his hands move to Felix’s back again, soaking up what warmth he could feel through Felix’s worn t-shirt. There was a very gentle introduction of tongue, before Felix pulled away again, moving just barely out of Jisung’s reach with a little smile on his face. God, he was perfect.
“How’s that for something?” Felix asked, and Jisung laughed (perhaps a little too loud) at his joke. It was something alright, that’s for sure. Felix gave Jisung a peck on the lips, squeezed his cheek, and flopped down onto his lap again. He looked up at Jisung with this lazy little smile while the other boy’s hands fiddled with Felix’s hair. “Mm,” Felix closed his eyes, and jisung took in the sight of this beautiful boy on his lap. “So,” Felix began speaking casually again, “Do you have other boys you’re seeing on campus?”
Jisung tried to conceal his nerves, “Oh no, I uh. I haven’t.”
“Haven’t what?” Jisung sighed. Felix was so fucking beautiful. He hoped he wouldn’t leave when he said it.
“...I haven’t had sex with anyone yet.” Felix’s eyes opened slowly, scanning over Jisung’s face. Jisung watched his pupils bounce back and forth, like the other boy was trying to make sense of him. Felix still hadn’t stopped smiling, though the smile had changed- right now it was something mischievous.
“Well, do you want to try it?” Jisung’s breath faltered. Lee Felix was asking if he wanted to have sex with him. The same Lee Felix he had stared at every day in class, who had spoken the only words he ever remembered every Tuesday and Thursday from 2 to 4pm. The same Lee Felix who was so undeniably handsome he made Jisung’s heart pause and vision blur whenever they met each other’s eyes.
“Yeah. Yes. I do.”
Felix sat up again, turned, and pulled Jisung’s face to his own. He kissed long and slow and deep, hungrily breathing in Jisung’s smell. Jisung responded by mashing their lips together and trying effortfully to ease his tongue into Felix’s mouth. Felix took all of Jisung’s nervous energy in stride. He sucked the other boy’s tongue and ran his hands up underneath Jisung’s shirt. Jisung’s body was amazing, and Felix took note of the softness and delicacy of his skin. There wasn’t a single thought in Jisung’s head, just the taste of Felix’s spit and the smell of his warm breath.
When Felix broke the kiss, Jisung leaned back in to chase his mouth until Felix pressed a hand against his chest. Felix smiled at Jisung and pulled his shirt off over his head. Oh fuck, Felix looked good. His abdomen was firm and muscular with a few sparse freckles to mirror the ones on his cheeks. About an inch or so underneath his nipples were two long, red scars. They weren’t completely even, some edges sticking up a little further than Felix would have wanted when he’d had the surgery, but Jisung still marveled at them. Felix took Jisung’s hand in his own and ran his thumb across one line, letting Jisung feel the ridge of scar tissue, before releasing his hand. Jisung’s palm rested on Felix’s side.
“Are those from top surgery?” Jisung asked, in a hushed tone like he was speaking to his deity.
“Look who’s been paying attention in class,” Felix remarked with a smile, “I got it done last summer.”
Jisung couldn’t contain himself. He leaned forward, planting one kiss on Felix’s collarbone, then another on his chest, and one more on the space just below his ribs. Felix tasted clean and soft, just like Jisung had imagined. Jisung’s hands were firm on Felix’s sides while he kissed and nibbled and sucked at any skin he could get his mouth on. Felix had his hand on the back of Jisung’s head, gently scratching his scalp as the other boy’s tongue traced the line from bellybutton to sternum, then across each of his scars. There was something exciting about them to Jisung, something about the jagged skin in a sea of soft freckled flesh.
Felix let Jisung have his fun, before placing small had on his jaw and pulling the other boy’s mouth back up to his own. Jisung had always been cute, boyish, and he kissed like it too. Felix wondered how often he had even been kissed before, what had taken this beautiful boy so long. Felix’s hands wandered up under Jisung’s shirt, pressing into his ribs, tugging the blue tshirt off over Jisung’s head.
It took all of Jisung’s strength not to cover up his body. He knew he wasn’t out of shape or anything, but he had these tan lines on his shoulders and he always felt kind of weird about his nipples and he had never been seen like this before. Sure, he had been shirtless at the beach or whatever, but he had never been shirtless Like This. All sweaty and anxious, overly aware of Felix’s amused stare passing over his body. “What?” Jisung snapped again, and Felix laughed lightly.
“Nothing. I’m just looking at you.” Felix put a hand on Jisung’s knee, which Jisung hadn’t even realized he was bouncing. With one big push, Felix scooted himself so his back was against the wall and his legs stretched out in front of him. “Come here,” he welcomed Jisung.
Jisung did a sort of awkward half-crawl towards Felix, feeling like a gangly, stupid spider straddling Felix’s perfect lap. His discomfort was short-lived, though, because then Felix was yanking him forward, tangling hands in his blonde hair, and sucking on his neck. Fuck, those lips felt good. Jisung felt the other boy leave kisses across his collarbone to his throat, and then lick a line up the side of his neck to his ear. Jisung let out a little shuddering breath when Felix’s lips closed around his earlobe, making the other boy laugh ever so lightly.
“Does that feel good?” Felix murmured.
“Fuck yeah.” Felix held Jisung tightly. He had only kissed Jisung’s ear, and already the boy was going wild over it. He was absolutely perfect.
Jisung felt the same way as Felix’s arms tightened around his body and everything seemed to stop. All his nervous bouncing, the tension, the insecurity. All of it just stopped as Jisung was swept away by this big crush. He had no idea Felix was so strong, but the trans man had him clutched to his chest like he was trying to asphyxiate him. With firm pressure, Felix’s hands ran over Jisungs back, to his ass. He gave him a quick squeeze (though, truthfully, there wasn’t much there to hang onto), then grabbed onto Jisung’s belt and began rocking his hips down against him. Felix now had his legs spread wide, so Jisung could thrust against his clothed crotch in some modest simulation of sex. It was so overwhelming. Felix rocked him fast and hard. Jisung’s mind melted away. His breathing was fast, skin erupting in sweat. Felix could feel the size of the other’s cock through his pants, and he couldn’t wait to see it in all its glory. This was fun too though. There was never anything wrong with dry humping.
“Felix,” Jisung croaked out after a bought of particularly fast thrusting, “I-I’m gonna cum.” Felix smiled, releasing his hold on Jisung,
“You really are a virgin huh,” and now his hands were holding Jisung’s hips entirely, frustratingly still.
“Yeah.” They kissed again, saliva passing between their lips, before Jisung worked up the courage to ask, “Can I...see it?”
Felix laughed. He pushed Jisung off of him with one hand and started to shimmy his way out of his jeans. Those short legs looked so beautiful in person, so powerful and smooth. Jisung watched Felix smile flirtily and throw the pants over the edge of the bed before giving Jisung another kiss and reclining again. His eyes met Jisung’s expectantly. Jisung swallowed, blinked a few times, and gently hooked his fingers over the waistband of Felix’s boxer briefs. Slowly, the fabric slipped. Felix helped him pull them off, until the trans boy was sitting there fully naked on his bed.
If Felix looked hot with clothes on, there were no words strong enough to describe how attractive he looked naked. Muscular shoulders and chest, strong legs, and the pubic mound covered in well-trimmed dark hair. Felix spread his legs a little wider, giving Jisung a better look at the folds of his labia and his larger-than-average clitoris. Jisung realized that this was probably the first vagina he had ever seen outside of porn. It looked like this fantastic alien thing. Jisung knew he was staring, but he couldn’t look away.
“Are you just gonna look at it or what?” Felix asked him. Jisung didn’t respond. He was practically in a trance, until Felix laughed and took hold of his hand again. Guided by him, Jisung brought his fingers to Felix’s vagina. He brushed his fingertips against the labia, running along the clitoris before pressing his palm fully against the boy’s pussy. He could feel the heat of the skin in his cupped hand, and began to move on his own. Jisung rubbed over Felix’s clit, imagining it like how he jerked his own dick, and watched transfixed as Felix began breathing heavily beneath him. He ran his fingers between the lips, enjoying the feeling of wetness, before grinding them against Felix’s clit again. Felix groaned. Jisung pressed one finger against Felix’s entrance and gently slid it inside. Felix was tight, and squeezed down on his finger with more strength than Jisung had expected a vagina to have. Jisung was absolutely in a trance. Felix’s body was amazing, like something out of a dream. He kept running his thumb over the clitoris, moving his finger shallowly in and out of Felix’s hole, listening to his shallow breaths and moans. Jisung leaned over and kissed Felix again, before asking “Do you want me to suck it?” Felix gave this gentle, mysterious smile.
Baby. Jisung liked that. Felix moved to lie fully back, resting his head on Jisung’s freshly-washed pillows and sighing. Jisung positioned himself on his knees between Felix’s spread legs and leaned in. Felix smelled like a man. Cautiously, Jisung traced his tongue between Felix’s labia, running from vagina to the tip of the clitoris, savoring every drop of liquid he was able to gather. He sucked on Felix’s clit, before just flicking his tongue over the tip. Jisung had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but he was in love with the way Felix’s pussy tasted and felt on his tongue.
And then he heard the laugh.
Not a huge laugh, not full-chested or anything. Just a little snort. It stung a little sharper that way too. Jisung looked up at Felix, who gave him a condescending smile and pulled their lips back together again.
“What?” Jisung asked, breaking the kiss. Felix rolled his eyes,
“Ohhhh, nothing,” and pulled him in a second time.
“Did you like that?” Jisung murmured, trying not to wince at his own sex-talk. He’d have to work on that. Felix just smiled,
“Mmm,” and wrapped his legs around Jisung’s own, “Not as much as I’m gonna like this.”
In some sort of rolling maneuver, Felix flipped Jisung onto his back and straddled his body again. He kissed his lips, then his chest, then his stomach, stopping at his waistband to pull down his pants and underwear. Jisung was small, and hard already. Good.
“Oh my god,” Jisung breathed out, and it was a genuine admission of awe. He should have shaved today. He should have showered before Felix got here. He thought of a million things he should have done before Felix’s lips were around his length and he was struggling to bite back his moans. Felix gave sloppy head. Wet, aggressive, pornstar head that Jisung had not expected from his studious classmate but was more than happy to receive. Felix moved quickly, pushing Jisung’s dick a little deeper into his mouth with every advance, until it was hitting the back of his throat. Jisung writhed and moaned as Felix sank all the way down on his length, burying his nose in Jisung’s thick, black pubic hair. He hadn’t felt anything like this before, and he didn’t know what he was expecting, but it was honestly blowing his mind. The sounds Felix was making were obscene, and when he pulled Jisung’s cock out of his mouth it was followed by a long trail of saliva.
“Oh, fuck,” Jisung whined as the other boy wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked him quickly, leaning in to lick and suckle on his balls. Jisung’s hands, which had been balled up in fists at his sides, flew to Felix’s hair and tangled in it. He could hear Felix chuckle when he pulled his head into his crotch, practically riding his face, but he didn’t care. Jisung didn’t care about anything right now, all he cared about were those big gorgeous lips all over his cock and balls. “Fuck, Felix. Ah, God. I’m gonna cum.”
As soon as Jisung managed to croak out the words, Felix was back with his mouth wrapped around Jisung’s dick. He bobbed his head up and down quickly, sucking hard and listening to Jisung’s little groans above him. With a final whine and a twisting of Felix’s hair, Jisung came. His hips bucked against Felix’s face, and the trans boy felt his mouth fill with warm semen. So Felix swallowed it, and kept sucking.
“Oh my god,” Jisung hissed, “I-I’m done Felix.” His dick was oversensitive now, his heart was absolutely racing, “Felix! Jesus. Fuck.” Felix kept sucking him a little longer, before coming off the end of his dick with a wet ‘pop.’ But he wasn’t done yet. Felix kept Jisung’s dick in a firm grip and continued jerking him off.
“What, you’re already done?” Felix traced his thumb over the head, making Jisung twitch and gasp, “I thought we were just getting started.” Felix released Jisung’s cock (thank god) and moved up the bed to kiss him again. Jisung could taste himself on Felix’s tongue, and the taste wasn’t necessarily pleasant, but this was Felix so he didn’t care. Jisung groaned into Felix’s lips when he felt the other grinding against him. Even without penetration, Felix’s body against Jisung’s own felt amazing. He could feel the wetness of Felix’s pussy, moving to angle just right so he could be crushed under the boy’s pubic bone. Jisung moaned, smiled, and threw his head back. “Does that feel good?” Felix asked, somehow managing to keep his vocal composure while his skin was flushing and skin was sweating just like Jisung’s was.
“Fuck yeah,” was all Jisung could muster in response, overly conscious of how he sounded juvenile, too excited.
Felix left kisses on Jisung’s neck and suckled on his earlobe, making the other groan and breathe heavily. Jisung’s hands went to Felix’s ass and it was just as full and muscular as he had imagined it. He tried to work with Felix’s rhythm, thrusting up to meet his motions down. The boys continued like this for a while, Felix pressing his lips against any part of Jisung’s torso he could reach, tangling fingers in his dirty blond hair. They got bolder with each other, thrusting faster and biting each others lips. Jisung, mind still clearing from his recent orgasm, finally worked up the courage to slip his arm between Felix’s body and his own, seeking Felix’s pussy again. He rubbed his fingers against Felix’s clit, and the other boy moaned softly and ground hard against them. Felix was so wet. Jisung reached further back, letting his fingertips slip into Felix’s hole. Quickly, Felix was losing his composure. He brought one hand to Jisung’s own, holding it still while he rubbed up against it.
“Fuck,” Felix murmured and leaned back on his palms so Jisung had a better view of him. Jisung was astounded. He thrust his fingers into Felix’s hole and ran his thumb over his clit, watching the boy’s hips twitch in response to his motions. Jisung let himself push deeper, move faster, making Felix’s toes curl and fingers grab onto the sheets. Felix was moaning now, little whiny breaths that came out in rapid succession. Jisung realized that Felix was smiling. He pushed back off of his hands and grabbed both sides of Jisung’s face, kissing him deeply, breathing into his mouth while his thighs quivered against Jisung’s sides. “Oh my god, Jisung,” Felix breathed out, his voice shuddery and strange.
“Yeah?” Jisung responded. Felix laughed and kissed Jisung again. He rested his upper body against Jisung’s, gripping onto the sheets. Jisung sucked on Felix’s neck, holding him tightly with one arm while the other remained stuck between them. Jisung kept reaching, arching his fingers, until Felix let out a sudden gasp. His hips twitched, his legs shook, and Jisung felt his pussy clenching around his fingers. The orgasm lasted longer than Jisung’s own, with Felix thrusting wildly against Jisung’s fingers and then slowing into a steady grind.
Jisung pulled his fingers from Felix’s vagina, and the boy came crashing down on top of him. He was heavy, but in that comforting way, and pulled Jisung’s head to the side to kiss him again and again. Felix paused after a while, meeting Jisung’s eyes. He smiled, let out a sigh, and rolled over off of Jisung’s body.
“Did you cum?” Jisung asked. Felix’s arms wrapped around his torso and he luxuriated in his touch, rolling onto his side so Felix could spoon him.
“Yeah of course I did, did you not see me?”
“I did.” Felix kissed the back of Jisung’s neck gently. They stayed like this for a while, listening to the buzz of the fan and letting their eyes flutter closed only to open back up again.
“What time is it?” Felix asked at one point, breaking the silence.
“Uh, I don't know.” Jisung rolled dangerously close to the edge of his bed and reached for his phone on the floor. There were a lot of notifications, but Jisung didn’t read any of them. “It’s 4:00.” Jisung pulled Felix’s arms around him again, smiling when Felix gave him a squeeze.
“Huh.” Felix pressed his nose into Jisung’s hairline. He was a little damp and smelled happy, like shampoo and sweat. “Do you want to go get dinner later?”
Jisung smiled, and wondered why the question still made his stomach flutter.
“Yeah. I do. Definitely. Absolutely yes..”
“Great.” Another squeeze. They fell in and out of sleep until the sun started to set and their hunger stirred them out of bed and to the dining hall. When the boys returned, they talked for long hours and then the talking turned to kissing and they were all wound up in each other again. They were pure happiness together.