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Our Upperclassmen Are Funny

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Juri Arisugawa looked around herself; usually everyone arrived for the Student Council Meetings at the same time, but there was no one else around, Juri was all alone in the Student Council's meeting room. She walked around the table and stood where she figured Touga Kiryu, the Student Council President. She cleared her throat.

"Everyone," she deepened her already husky voice, "a matter of the utmost urgency presents itself to the student council; it seems I have literally slept with every single female student that has entered puberty in all of Ohtori Academy and as we all know I can't sleep with the same girl twice as they will remember how bitterly disappointing the experience was the first time around." Juri paused to stifle a snicker. "Therefore! We must figure out a way for me to regain the Rose Bride from Utena Tenjou, who so thoroughly emasculated me in our last duel that I can't even get it up around her anymore, and back into my possession; the fate of my all-important penis rests in the balance!"

"Miss Juri?" Juri spun around, saw Miki standing there staring at her and felt her face burn brightly.

"Miki, I..." If word got out about what she'd just done, she would be ruined, it would be even worse than if word got out that she was in love with Shiori!

Miki didn't say anything at first, he just walked over to where Saionji would be seated. He cleared his throat. "Touga!" He barked out, the roughness of his tone so out of place on his high voice. "What is all this talk of sex? Forget about this and let us swing our swords, our long thick hard swords at one another, banging together over and over again, slick with sweat and hot with our breath, and then..." Miki struggled to stifle his snickering, a task made no easier at how Juri was trying to do the same thing.

"But Saionji, God made Men and Women for a reason!" An absolutely absurd expression formed on Juri's face.

"Bah! Women are only a distraction, we must rid ourselves of them and be manly men for all eternity!" Miki's lips kept wriggling.

"Do you truly mean it, Saionji?" Juri had her hand over her mouth.

"YES! Except for Anthy Himemiya, for the Rose Bride must belong to me and me alone! So I may assert my manliness by slapping her repeatedly for no reason!"

"Saionji, your treatment of the Bride is not acceptable! A real man does not hit a woman, but rather manipulates her emotionally by making her lose duels and act like a princess should!"

"Nonsense! It only takes a good slap to keep a woman in her place!" The last word was mixed with a snicker.

"No, buy her an ugly dress and watch your possessive sister complain about it!" Juri couldn't help snickering. She'd only been at the party briefly, but she'd heard about Utena Tenjou's daring rescue of the Bride that night.

"Touga, why can't you just understand that you belong to-" And he couldn't finish as he dissolved in hysterical laughter. Juri soon followed, and when Touga and Saionj arrived at the Student Council meeting room, they found Juri and Miki on the ground still laughing, tears streaming from their eyes. Touga cleared his throat.

"Something funny to share?"

"Not at all." Juri stood back up, recovering quickly.

"A private joke." Miki did the same.

"Obviously." Saionji took his seat. "Now can we start the meeting already? I need to get back to kendo practice right away." Juri and Miki locked eyes, silently swearing that they would not lose their composure before their upperclassmen.

"Don't worry Saionji," Touga took his seat, "there will be plenty of time for that later, as well as other things."

Juri and Miki took their seats, feeling this would be a very long meeting to get through. Juri almost regretted not making fun of the usual chick breaking the egg speech, especially when Touga began to give it with the most dead serious look on his face.

And maybe it was just her imagination, but Saionji seemed to be hanging on every word with a dreamy expression.