Kazuki had Haruka so he understood. There was no way that he could even begin to judge the man that he saw. When it came to Haruka there were so many things he would do. So many things that he had done. He got a little crazy and maybe over his head with his guilt and his love so he got it a bit. He got Tooi.
But that did not make watching any of this easy. He understood but it was not easy at all. Kazuki hissed slowly before he sat on the ground. Tooi had invited him over, given him a place to stay while he figured out what he wanted to do next. The game was up, he had been discovered.
He really had to thank Tooi for even going along with him for this thing. He had tried so hard but it was all over now. How could he even begin to face Haruka now? He felt so torn up inside. He had tried so hard and messed up and he had even dragged Tooi alone with him.
When it came down to it. Maybe that was why he had turned to Tooi to begin with. Because Tooi knew, he really understood how it felt to be torn up with love and guilt. Tooi really loved his big brother and he would do anything for him.
Haruka… Kazuki had not crossed that many lines for his brother but sometimes it felt as though he would. When it came to his little brother… forget what Tooi did. What Tooi’s brother did. Kazuki could understand it a bit because Haruka was everything.
He shuffled his feet before he buried his face in the skirt of his dress. He was so tired and ashamed. He was so heartbroken and frustrated over this thing it was not fair. Everything had been going fine until it had not and now they knew.
What did Haruka even think of him? He would rather disappear right now rather than face Haruka. He would rather disappear from their memories and their lives than put Haruka through more pain and disappointment. Another sigh escaped him and he raised his head.
Only to do a double take when he sat the man sitting across from his with an open pack of noodles. They exchanged a long look before the man grinned. “Yo.” He waved. “Tooi’s gone to the store to come back, it’s just you and me until he races back in here.”
“You’re Tooi’s big brother.” Kazuki looked over the man’s face before he lowered his head. “Sorry for the intrusion.”
“Polite, that’s nice. Try to rub off on my little brother why don’t you? He was really cute. Now he’s scary but still cute I guess.” Chiaki murmured as he blew on the top of his noodle packet. The water shimmered. “So, mind if I ask what your story is?”
“Fucked up when trying to make my brother happy.” Kazuki propped his hand on his knee. “I should have planned better, worked harder. I just wanted him to smile but I know I made him cry instead.”
“Your brother? Little brother? Big brother?” Tooi’s brother dipped his finger against the rim of his bowl. “It have to do anything with the dress you’re wearing?”
“Yeah. I’m stupid.” Kazuki smiled. “I tried to be the girl my little brother liked. Decided to befriend him pretending to be the girl he likes the most. He found out I lied today, that the girl he likes still think him a stranger. I don’t know how it got this out of hand.”
“Man you’ve got a brother complex you hear me?” The laugh was sharp but not unkind. “And how did my little brother get wrapped up in this?”
“I think it’s because we’re similar. And because we’re friends.” Kazuki studied Tooi’s brother before he smiled. “And because I’m very convincing.”
“I thought you were going to stay in that.” Tooi sat on the edge of the tub and looked away. “You should talk to Enta and your family.”
“I can’t not right now. I want to disappear.” Kazuki rose from the water and grabbed for the towel. “I felt horrible, everything went crashing down on me. I didn’t have anything.” He hesitated and let his fingers sink into the back of Tooi’s shirt. “You get it. You understand Tooi.”
“This isn’t a good time for this.” Tooi stepped back and away. “Right now your head’s a mess thanks to your plan fucking up. Look a lot of different things happened today but you need to think about doing things that will leave you with as little regrets as possible. Running away from someone you love. It’s not going to end well. If you love someone, stay by them no matter how hard it is.”
“You would know.” Kazuki sank back into the water of the tub with a smile. “I wish I was half as strong as you.” He heard Tooi snort and he raised his head with a frown only to find Tooi smiling at him. “What is it?”
“Nothing.” Tooi poked his forehead gently. “Just that sometimes I find myself thinking I wish I could be half as stupid and strong as you. Because then maybe I would be able to stay by my brother’s side longer. I still have a lot of work to do so I can stay with him.”
“I want to stay with Haruka. I love him.” Kazuki whispered. “But it’s so messed up right now. I don’t know what to do. I had a goal but I can’t see it anymore. I can’t figure what to do or where to go. All I know is that I’m scared right now, of going back and going forward.”
“It must be nice to be so stupid.” Tooi leaned forward enough so they were face to face. “But you’re just hiding from yourself. Things are so confused that your head can’t clear enough for you to see the answer that you’ve already come up with. You don’t want to lose but you don’t want to hurt. If you could stop your stupid brain for just one second you would see you knew the answer a long time ago. You just need to stand up and do it.”
“And what would you suggest?” Kazuki hissed. “What if Haruka hates me? He has to hate me. I fucked up and I don’t know what to do!”
“Don’t lie.” The kiss was an absolute surprise. So hard and fast that all he could do was press a finger to his lips. “You knew the answer all along the moment you got found out. Suck it up.”
“Stupid. This really isn’t the time for that.” Tooi looked up from where he had a bag od suspicious items. “You have your thing and I have mine. We’re both idiots when it comes to family but it is family first. Even before… this. Whatever this is.” He muttered as he ducked his head.
“I need to go to Haruka.” Kazuki admitted as he took a seat by Tooi’s side. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t say thank you. For giving me a place to say, for letting me think this through. For not minding that I met your brother. I have Haruka and I have our relationship to fix.” The considered each other for a few heartbeats. “You really understand me.”
“You’re not that complex.” Tooi smiled before he looked away. “I’m doing all of this for my brother. You’re doing everything you do for yours. I might be a little brother and you a big brother but our hearts are the same when it comes to family. We would do everything to keep that connection.”
“I want to keep my connections.” Kazuki was gentle as he tilted Tooi’s head towards him. Right now he was in Tooi’s clothes fresh from the bath. Tooi’s scent was so strong in the clothes it felt as though Kazuki was being wrapped up tightly in his scent. He had not been mad about the kiss. That was why he was doing this.
He had wanted to be closer in his own way to Tooi but now was not the time to delve too deep into this. They both had situations with their families to deal with. The both of them. So all he could spare right now was a little touch.
Tooi went with the tilt and the kiss- nothing like the hard quick one that had stilled his brain in the bathroom. No this was slower, sharper and when Kazuki pulled back Tooi let him even while his eyes were glittering. Kazuki swallowed before he forced a smile. He really wanted to get to know Tooi better but they both had their own problems.
But he had done this because sometimes it felt as though Tooi would just disappear. Kazuki’s eyes closed when Tooi pressed a hand to his nape. The tug was soft and he went with it. Back to Tooi and he allowed the next kiss. He kissed him softly, drinking up the softness and the connection. It went on and on until they both drew back. Tooi’s smile was sad before he brushed under Kazuki’s eye. He did not have to say anything. They both understood.
Kazuki had Haruka back they were fine but Tooi. He shifted where he stood waiting for Tooi to open the door. He had left the moment Haruka had fallen asleep because his gut was nagging him. He just had a bad feeling so he was doing this. He was doing this because he honestly had to.
“Kazu- this dress again?” Tooi leaned against the open doorway his knife disappearing back into his pants. “Why the dress, didn’t you make up with your brother?”
“Just let me in.” Kazuki huffed and shifted in his shoes. He got a snort from Tooi before he stepped back to let Kazuki inside. He swept past before he whirled around while Tooi closed and locked the door. It showed how their friendship had changed that Tooi did not attack him after he pressed him against the door.
“What now?” Tooi asked softly.
“Just…” It was too embarrassing to say so he pulled Tooi to him. The wig was an annoyance but Tooi was quick to tilt him how he needed to tilt him. The shoes made him a head taller than Tooi but there was no problem with that.
His hand was easily caught and pinned before he was the one whirled around and pressed against the door. Tooi panted against his neck before he jolted up and kissed him so hard that Kazuki would have fallen if it were not for the door.
His pinned back was pressed against the door but his free one he used to keep Tooi pressed against him. There was so much going on, this was honestly not the best ideas but all he could think about was that he would regret not doing this more than he would regret doing this.
Coming here and kissing Tooi. Admitting to whatever this was, they still had their obsessions but Kazuki wanted to connect to Tooi. He wanted to know him, touch him and learn him while he could. It just felt as though he was slipping away. Kazuki wanted this to hold onto in case the worst happened.
“You’re keeping the wig on?” When Tooi broke their kiss, he whispered it against Kazuki’s neck. Kazuki just swallowed for a moment as he thought about it. H shook his head and went to tug it off but Tooi stopped him.
“You came here like this, so at least for the first time.” Kazuki could hear the tease in his voice. “At least for most of it. Then all of that comes off and you be honest with me. That’s what you came for right? Me to be honest with you. You to be honest with me. Laid bare right?”
“Upstairs.” Kazuki pulled him back down as Tooi moved so he could give Kazuki enough leverage to wrap his legs around his waist. Not a smart idea, not the best idea but it was what he would not regret. If something happened he would have this.