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it’s only human, you know that it’s real

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Clarke is used to fighting with Bellamy.  After all, they started fighting within moments of meeting each other.

But the tension at home right now is something completely different. There's no loud arguments or screaming matches. But Clarke knows something's up. Bellamy is out more often, coming home late, and overall spending more time away from home than he is at home.

Clarke doesn't want to be that person who is suspicious all the time, and for the most part, she isn't worried. Bellamy was never the kind of person who was dishonest or a cheater, and rationally Clarke knows that. But sometimes, well, the irrational part of her won't go away and she can't help but worry that she's losing him.

She should be able to talk to him about it, like married couples are supposed to do, but for whatever reason, she doesn't know how to bring it up. How is she supposed to share her concerns with him, with sounding like she was accusing him of something?

And so they continued their routine. Going to work, eating dinner together, occasionally binge-watching on Netflix when they both had free time and were too lazy to go out. Occasionally Octavia or Raven would force them to hang out with the rest of their friends, complaining that they were becoming that boring married couple.

Clarke couldn't care less if they seemed to be a boring married couple. As long they still loved each other and were committed to each other, she knew the rest would follow.

If she could just talk to him, everything would be sorted out. But before she can make a move to talk to him about it, something happens. Well, two somethings happen.

                              *****

The first thing that happens, is finding out she's pregnant.

She'd been visiting her mom and Marcus for lunch, and when Abby had cheerfully proclaimed that she had made fried chicken, something that Clarke had always had a fondness for, she took one whiff and promptly proceeded to run to the bathroom and had thrown up whatever remnants of breakfast she had in her stomach.

When she sheepishly came out of the bathroom, her mom had looked at her questioningly.

"It's probably just a stomach bug," Clarke said trying to brush off Abby's unspoken question. But she should have known her mom wouldn't buy into her flimsy excuse. She was a doctor after all.

"Mmm-hmm. Right. Well, all the same, I think we could use a trip to CVS." She then turned to Marcus. "We'll be right back hon. Can you check on the rest of the lunch? Just make sure nothing burns."

Poor Marcus looked bewildered, but he smiled all the same. "Of course."

Clarke tried smiling back, but she'd become so nervous that she could hardly focus on anything other than her erratic heartbeat. She didn't think she could even drive at the moment.

Thankfully her mother seemed to realize that, and grabbed her own keys along with her purse and made her way outside, Clarke trailing along with her.

As she silently got in the car, her mind was racing with one thought after the other. The main one being, if she really was pregnant, what would Bellamy say?

Abby gently pressed one hand on Clarke's own hand, which she hadn't realized was shaking, and flashed her a reassuring smile. "Don't be so nervous Clarke."

Her mother started asking her questions about her period, when she last got it, and were there any other symptoms.

Once they got to CVS, her mother walked to the healthcare aisle, and looked at the different pregnancy tests. Clarke couldn't understand what the difference between any of them were. They all had similar statements of having fast and accurate results. Her mom picked one box that had a smiling woman holding a positive test. Clarke wished she felt that happy, but all she really felt was nervous.

On the car ride home, her mother picked up on her uneasiness. "You don't look so good Clarke.   Do you not want to be..?" Abby looked at her worryingly.

"No. It's not that." Clarke said hurriedly. "I'm just thinking of what Bellamy's going to say, that's all."

Abby smiled, the slight frown on her face disappearing. "Oh Clarke, you know better than anyone how much Bellamy loves kids. If you really are pregnant, he'll be thrilled."

Clarke murmured something in agreement, before turning to stare out the window. Of course she knows that Bellamy loves kids. He was already such a dad; a side effect, no doubt, of having to raise his sister when he was younger. He had an innate need to protect the people he loved. No, Clarke wasn't worried about his reaction to having kids. She was more concerned if he wanted to have kids right now with her.

They'd talked about kids before, and had decided to wait on having them, since they were still going back to school to work on their masters and were trying to balance work on top of everything. But eventually that conversation got pushed aside, and they never really brought it up again as a serious discussion.

Now Clarke's scared that if he really has been pulling away from her recently, he'll stay with her out of obligation; that is- if she's really pregnant.

When they arrive back at her old home, Clarke immediately goes to bathroom to take the test. She waits the two minutes, sitting on the closed toilet seat, her chin in her hands, and her eyes close.

When Clarke finally looks again, she picks up the test.

It's positive.

She's not really surprised, but she is scared now that it's all become real. When she leaves the bathroom to tell her mother, Abby hugs her tightly, her voice wavering and a shiny glean to her eyes, when she pulls back a bit to look at her.

"Congratulations baby. Oh my god my baby is having a baby!" Abby's eyes were shiny and she seemed close to tears, but Clarke beat her to it, and all her emotions flowed out of her as she buried her face in her mother's shoulder and pathetically sobbed.

"Clarke, what is it? What's wrong?" Abby frantically asked, petting her hair gently. She only cried harder. "Clarke, baby, talk to me. You're starting to scare me."

Clarke sniffled and stood back up straight again. "I don't think Bell loves me anymore." She croaked out pathetically.

Abby looked shocked. "Clarke! Why would you think such a thing?" She put an arm around her shoulder to guide her to the living room, and sat her down gently on the couch, sitting next to her.

"Talk to me, Clarke. What's going on with Bellamy and where'd this sudden worry come from? Have you guys been fighting?

Now that Clarke had started spilling her feelings, the rest of her fears started coming out as well. "I don't know what's wrong mom.  We haven't fought, no, but something has changed and I don't know how to fix it. He's never at home and he's always taking more shifts at the police station. He even mentioned picking up a few shifts at the bar where he used to work. He comes home late all the time, and I'm pretty sure he's going out to meet someone because I hear him on the phone every once in a while. Either he can't stand to be around me anymore or.... he's cheating on me." Clarke felt awful for saying those words out loud, but she didn't know what else to think.

Her mother looked aghast at the thought. "That's ridiculous Clarke. Everybody knows how much Bellamy loves you, and how much you love him. I can't see him ever cheating on anybody, let alone you. That doesn't sound like him at all."

"I know mom, and don't really think he would either. But maybe he is getting tired of me and there's someone else who he has his eye on now and he's just waiting to let me down."

Abby clasped Clarke's hand in her own. "That is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. I know you two. I've gotten to see you grow up together. Even when you used to fight and argue, it was obvious how important you were to each other." Clarke smiled faintly as she recalled old memories of them, when she'd disliked the rebel boy who always went head to head with her.

"Have you tried to talking to him at all?"

Clarke winced. She knows she should have talked to him by now, and her mother won't be pleased to hear that she hasn't. "I've been meaning to, but I haven't found the right moment..."

"Oh, Clarke." Her mother says reproachfully. "How do you expect to fix things if you won't even talk to him. Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage, you know."

"God mom, of course, I know," Clarke replied heatedly. She didn't mean to snap but she can't help it. Her emotions are all over the place, and she can't imagine the pregnancy hormones are helping. "But when exactly should I talk to him.  We don't get a lot of time to spend together, and I don't want to ruin the moments we do have. And he's not here for lunch is he? No, he said he needed rest. Rest after spending all those nights away from me!"

Abby softens. "I know you're scared Clarke, but you have to talk to him. Especially now with the baby. You have to tell him about that too." She brushed away the tear streaks on Clarke's face. "And for what it's worth I really don't think Bellamy has stopped loving you or is cheating on you. That boy wears every emotion of his on his face, and when he's looking at you it's easy to see how much he loves and cares about you."

Clarke's heart rose, and she felt somewhat hopeful again.

"And if for the insane, unimaginable reason that he is screwing around, I will help you bury the body." There's a twinkle in her eye, but Clarke knows she's dead serious.

She gives her mother a hug. "Thanks, mom, for everything."

Abby presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Of course sweetie. Now, how about that lunch? I'm sure Marcus is famishing away as we speak. And don't worry- I'll keep the fried chicken away."

                              *****

The second thing that happened was dinner, or rather what didn't happen.

Clarke had left lunch feeling somewhat more positive than she'd been feeling in days. She made an appointment the next day, and after going, the doctor confirmed that she was pregnant, and was seven weeks along. They'd given her a sonogram from the ultrasound, and Clarke had nearly burst into tears right there. They were going to have a baby. A baby that would be half her and half Bellamy. But Clarke really hoped the baby would like more like him.  She'd already started imagining a little boy or girl that had his curly brown hair and sun-kissed freckles.

After coming home from the appointment, Clarke saw that all the dishes had been done and the place tidied up. Bellamy's jacket was slung over the chair at the table, and her husband himself, was lying on the couch, his eyes shut, and his lips parted slightly. Clarke always marveled at how peaceful and soft he looked when he was asleep. It was as if all the tension had been drained out of his body, and he had not a care in the world.

She walked over and sat on the ground, near where his head was, and ran her hand gently through his curly hair. It was getting long, and Clarke had been at him to get a haircut, but he kept putting it off. At the moment she didn't find herself minding as much, and she continued to play with his hair, losing herself in the comfort of being next to him.

After a few minutes he shifted slightly, his eyes fluttering open, and Clarke stopped her ministrations, feeling guilty for disturbing his sleep.

"Hey babe, sorry for you waking you up."

Bellamy yawned, stretching an arm out before using it to cradle her face, his thumb brushing against her cheek. Clarke reveled in his touch and was disappointed when he pulled away. "It's okay princess. I should probably get off this couch anyway. It doesn't really help my back. Probably going to go lie down in the room for a bit. Work has really been pushing me lately."

Mentioning work reminded her of what she wanted to ask him.

"Do you want to go out to dinner tomorrow?" She blurted out. Better to get it out there now, before she lost her nerve. Jesus Christ, she felt like she was asking him out on a first date.

He blinked. "Dinner?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah, I just thought that it'd be nice to get out and have some quality time. Just the two of us. I feel like we rarely spend time together. Plus I've been wanting to check out that new Indian restaurant." Of course, the main reason was to tell him about the pregnancy, as well as clear the air between them.

She braced herself for an excuse of some sort, but instead, the corners of his lips pulled up, his teeth flashing at her in a bright smile. "I like the sound of that princess."

Clarke smiled back. "Really?"

"Of course really. Spending time with my favorite girl and eating delicious food. What's not to love?" He pulled her closer, one hand cradling the back of her head, and his lips descended on hers, kissing her so sweetly, that it made her feel like liquid inside. It was moments like these where Clarke couldn't believe she'd doubt his love for her. Not when the look in his brown eyes were so earnest, and his touch was full of passion.

 

                                 *****

Bellamy had work in the morning, but he'd promised to be meet at her the restaurant around eight. Clarke tried to keep busy, and there were plenty of things that needed to be done, but she kept thinking and wondering about this evening and how everything would go. She was a combination of both nerves and happiness.

When seven o'clock rolled around, she started getting ready; showering, straightening her hair, and spending an ungodly amount of time on an outfit. Clarke didn't want to look too fancy, and overdo it. In the end she chose a simple black v-neck dress that hugged her curves just right, and had a scooped back. She  felt pretty in it, and it didn't hurt that Bellamy always said she looked hot in it.

She got to the restaurant around seven forty-five, and texted Bellamy that she'd gotten a seat for them.

As Clarke sat there waiting for him, she pulled the sonogram out of her purse, and held it in a tight grip. Looking at the picture was a reminder that they were about to start their own family. She needed things to be alright, if they were going to a baby.

Bellamy didn't show at eight and another fifteen minutes passed, and he still wasn't there. A waiter came by asking if she was ready to order. Clarke was about to decline, but decided to order an appetizer because she was hungry.

She texted him after ten minutes, telling him to hurry up so they could order the entree, but she still wasn't getting a response.

Ten minutes later, her phone chimed, and Clarke saw that Bellamy had finally texted her back.

'I'm so so sorry princess, I meant to text you earlier and I completely forgot to. Work is running late today, and I won't be able to make it. I know you really wanted us to have dinner tonight, and I know I agreed, but maybe we could reschedule for another night? Again, I'm really sorry, and I'll try to make it up to you. See you tonight. Love you. '

Clarke stared at her phone blankly for a minute or two. He'd canceled on her. She'd wanted just one night together, and he couldn't be bothered to make it. She felt stupid when her eyes began to water, and she angrily wiped the tears away. 'These fucking hormones' , she thought, but Clarke knew it wasn't just that.

She was angry, but mostly she was just sad that maybe all her fears weren't as misplaced as she'd thought.

When the waiter came again to ask her if she wanted to order, Clarke went ahead and ordered for herself. So what if Bellamy wasn't coming. She dressed up and came out all ready to have a nice dinner, so she was going to have that dinner. Even if it had to be by herself.

 

                                   *****

At night, after she'd gotten in some comfy clothes, a pair of sleep shorts, and one of Bellamy's old t-shirts, she decided she wanted to stuff her face ice cream. Truthfully, Clarke would rather be breaking out the wine, but seeing as she wouldn't be able to drink anything for another eight months, ice cream was the next best choice.

She settled on some classic cookie dough ice cream, and brought her bowl to the couch. She looked through different shows to watch before settling on Brooklyn nine-nine. The show never failed to make her laugh, and at the moment Clarke needed a good laugh.

She was licking the last remaining bit of ice cream off the spoon, and was ready to smile and cry over the cuteness of Jake and Amy, when Bellamy finally got home.

Clarke could tell he was trying to be quiet. The way he was slowly opening the door and coming inside, before he saw that she was still up.

She steadfastly ignored him, and didn't turn around to look at him, or to say hello. If he wanted to talk now, it was up to him.

Bellamy seemed to be aware of her anger, and carefully moved around the apartment as he took his shoes off, and hung his coat up.

"Hey princess, what are you doing up?" He spoke hesitantly, trying to get a gauge on how she was feeling.

"Watching." Clarke decided to stick to a short answer.

"Yeah I can see that." Bellamy answered, a little sarcastic. He sighed and then came to sit by her  on the couch, his knee knocking against hers. "Look Clarke, I really am sorry about tonight. I wanted to come to dinner, but- well work y'know? Anyways I should have texted you earlier. I'm a total asshole for making you wait there. Can you please forgive me?"

Clarke still didn't look at him while he talked to her. "I can forgive you, but what difference is it going to make if you keep this up? All the working and staying away from home, I don't know what to do anymore Bell."

"Clarke." He sounded surprised. "What are you talking about?"

She paused the show and put the empty bowl on the table, before shifting to face him. Bellamy looked confused and worried, and Clarke fought the urge to smooth her hand hand over his forehead.

"You're never at home anymore. That's partly why I wanted to go out. So you would spend time with me. I'm your wife; that's not too much to ask, is it?" It felt good to get everything off her chest. It was like she was slowly unburdening herself.

"Of course not! God, I had no idea you were feeling like this? Why didn't you say something?" Bellamy leaned forward to grasp her hands in his, and he looked so upset with himself.

Clarke plowed on. "I didn't know how to bring this up. You're working all the time, and if you are well there's not much I can too about it can I? You're constantly choosing to take extra shifts and now you want to pick up shifts at the bar too? If we were financially unstable I could understand that, but we've been doing good so far. So the only reasoning I've been able to come with is that you're getting tired of spending time at home with me, or maybe," She hesitated for a second before finishing her statement, "maybe you've found someone else."

The look of hurt on Bellamy's face is something she'll probably never forget. He pulled his hands away from hers, and looked away from her, taking a moment to compose himself. His jaw was tight, and his body was as tense as a board.

"I'm not trying to be cruel here Bell," Clarke said softly. "I'm just trying to tell you what's been going on through my  head for these last few weeks. I want to work things out."

Bellamy looked back at her, and she hates herself a bit, when she sees the glisten in his eyes. When he speaks his voice is low. "Do you really think that I would ever, even think, of cheating on you? I don't understand how you'd even consider that a possibility. I'm sorry that I'm working all the time, but that doesn't mean that every time I leave, I'm going off somewhere else to fuck somebody!"

Clarke winced. She didn't want to be accusatory, but she had to ask, for her own peace of mind, if anything. "I didn't really think it was true, but the scared and jealous part of me wouldn't leave me alone. I thought I'd feel better if we had a date night, but you just ended up ditching me."

Bellamy looks remorseful once again, and he hangs his head, running his hands through his curls before looking at her again. "I really fucked up didn't I? I'm so sorry princess. I really am, but you have to know that I love you. I love you more than anything. You know that right?" He asked her, a bit frantically, and her hesitancy to reply made him swear.

Clarke hastily spoke up, "Bell, I know. Well, I did worry a bit, but in the end I know you love me. The thing is that's it's not just about you and me anymore."

He looked confused now. "What the hell does that mean?"

Clarke got up and went to rummage through her purse, which she'd left on the kitchen counter. Once she'd found the slightly rumpled picture she went back to where Bellamy was siting and watching her, and handed him the sonogram.

Perplexed, he looked at the picture first, than at her, and then back at the picture again. When it finally seemed to click for him, his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped slightly. "Holy fuck. Are we..are we having a baby?"

Clarke nervously picked at a loose thread on her shorts. "Yeah, I'm pregnant."

He lets out a short, incredulous burst of laughter. "Oh my god. Holy shit. We're going to have a baby! I'm going to be a dad." Bellamy's smile is so wide and infectious that Clarke can't help but smile back.

He peppered kisses all over face, and Clarke could taste the salt from the tears that were leaving his eyes. He got off the couch and sat down so he could be at eye level with her flat stomach. He pressed a hand gently on her abdomen.

"Hey baby, it's your dad." His voice was soft and full of emotion, and if Clarke hadn't already known how much Bellamy wanted to be a dad, she would have know now. "You don't know me yet, but I already love you." He looked up at her again, be goofy grin on his face still there. "I can't believe it! This is amazing! We're going to be parents." He surged up to kiss her, and she let herself indulge in the feel of lips against hers, soft yet firm, until she remembered that they still hadn't actually solved any of their problems.

When they broke apart, Bellamy frowned at the look on her face. "You look upset still. Are you not happy...?" He let his words trail off, seemingly afraid that she'll say she doesn't want the baby.

"No! No, I'm not upset about the baby. But you still haven't answered my question..."

Within seconds his face hardened again. "You're kidding right? You still doubt me?"

His annoyance made her annoyed and she huffed and got up quickly leaving him kneeling by the couch. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Wait, Clarke."

"Goodnight Bell."  She grabbed the empty bowl and put it in the sink, and then headed off to their bedroom.

She slipped under the covers and didn't bother to turn the light off. She heard Bellamy come in the room and felt the bed dip as he sat down on the bed next to her.

Clarke refused to turn around and look at him.

He sighed. "Clarke, I'm sorry, I should have just given you a straight answer."

She didn't answer.

"Would you just look at me."

"Why? So you can avoid my question again?" Clarke muttered.

"Look are you really tired? Cause I'd like to take you somewhere."

At this statement, Clarke did turn around to look at him. "Where?"

Bellamy's mouth curved into a smile. "It's a surprise."

Clarke was too emotionally drained to argue further so she just raised an eyebrow. "Fine. But we're stopping to get more ice cream because I finished what we had, and I'm still craving more."

                                   ******

20 minutes later they had picked up a small tub of Ben & Jerry's and they were driving through the town.

"Are we almost there yet." Clarke questioned through bites of brownie batter ice cream.

Bellamy glanced at her. "Like I said five minutes ago, no we are there yet." He smiled at her. "You look like a child whose been caught eating Ice cream. It's all over your mouth."

Clarke licked her lips and scowled at him, which only made him laugh.

"If I weren't driving I would have licked it off your lips myself." Bellamy said with a grin.

Oh boy. Clarke blamed her hormones for her current libido, because right now she was thinking of other places where she wanted his tongue to be. She almost told him as much, but still felt a bit miffed.

He must have sensed her resistance towards him, because his smile fell.

Clarke looked out the window and noticed that they'd entered a neighborhood. "Where are we?"

"Jesus Clarke, what part of a surprise do you not understand?"

She rolled her eyes, and resumed staring out the window.

Within a few more minutes they pulled up to a house. She peered out at it. It was a nice, normal house, and she had no idea why they were here.

Bellamy got out of the car and jogged around to open the door for her.

"Bellamy, what the hell is going on?" She took his offered hand.

"Relax, princess. I'm not here to introduce to my secret mistress or anything like that," He said dryly.

Clarke flushed, feeling appropriately rebuked.

"Okay, then what are we doing here?" They walked up to the front door and Clarke craned her head to see what if there was anyone at home.

She turned her head back when she heard Bellamy opening the door. "What are you doing? Oh god. Please tell me you didn't drag me here for a midnight robbery."

Bellamy laughed and pulled her in the house with him. He ran his hands along the wall till he found a switch and turned on the lights, revealing a rather empty home, save for

Bellamy moved in front of her and grinned. "Well, what do you think about the place?"

"It's lovely," Clarke answered truthfully because she could definitely see the potential, but she was still confused.

"I'm glad you think so because we- " He said dramatically with a flourish, "- are the new owners."

Clarke wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. "We're what?"

"This was it. This was my secret. I've been out looking for a new place for us and also working a lot to put a down payment. Looks like it was really good timing too, with a baby on the way."

Clarke remained speechless.

"So, what do you think?" Bellamy asked nervously.

She tried to speak, but instead, she just burst into tears.

Bellamy looked at her in comical horror. "Oh shit, don't cry. If you don't like it here, we don't have to stay here." He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made any decisions without you, that was stupid of me. Please don't cry." He pleaded.

Clarke let him hold her as her tears subsided and then she leaned back to look at him. "Why are you apologizing? You planned all this for me, and here I was being jealous and a bitch and- and-" She felt the tears coming again.

"It's okay," He said soothingly.

"No, it's not." Clarke insisted. "Just let me apologize. I should have trusted you, and for not doing that, I'm sorry. Please forgive me?"

"Okay, you're right, you should have trusted me, but
Princess I already forgave you." He said simply, and Clarke hugged him tightly.

"I love you. You are the best husband in the entire world." She murmured into his chest.

"Can I record that for future purposes?" Bellamy teased, and she leaned up to playfully nip at his neck.

When she pulled away finally, it began to dawn on here that this was really their house. A place to build their lives and have their own family, and suddenly the possibilities seem endless to Clarke, and she can't help but smile.

"Look at us." She said teasingly. "We turned out to be a pair of actual honest-to-god adults. Who would have thought?"

"Definitely not high school me." Bellamy laughs. "He mostly thought about getting in your pants."

Clarke smirks. "I guess that's fair since I liked to think about you getting in my pants."

"You know," Bellamy said mischievously. "Since we have this nice, new house, I think we ought to give it proper welcoming. What do you think?"

"Um.." Clarke was confused until his hands started wandering down near her waist and then lower, and he pressed open mouth kisses from her pulse point. He fiddled with the ends of her T-shirt, and she gladly helped him get it off her. His mouth continued to move downwards, until he paused and grinned up at her, that smile that was somehow both boyish and sexy at once. "Hey wife, do you want to christen every surface we can find in this house?"

Clarke smiled back at him, and pulled him briefly to kiss him, her hands winding through his hair. Against his lips she murmured, "Husband, I'd love nothing better.