Todomatsu doesn’t remember when it had actually started. But at one point Ichimatsu-Niisan had stopped coming to the bathhouse with them.
At first he had said he was sick and didn’t want anyone else to catch it. Then he just said he didn’t want to be around other people. And after a while the other five had stopped questioning it.
Well until today that is...
The only reason Todomatsu noticed that something was going on was because they were at the beach and Ichimatsu-Niisan was still wearing a long sleeved shirt. Of course Ichimatsu wasn’t one to get fully naked all the time, maybe once or twice when they were all drunk and he was more inclined to just take down his pants and shit, but still this was a first.
However this too wasn’t that important in Todomatsu’s eyes, it was just the second thing his Nii-san did differently in one week. So he forgot about it until, like we said earlier, today.
Or more correctly tonight when everyone changed into their pajamas together, but Ichimatsu had refused to change in front of them. Them!
He was hiding something. And Todomatsu was curious by nature so of course he had to know what it was. Even though it was just an embarrassing claw mark or just that he had gained a little weight and didn’t want to be made fun of, Todomatsu would find it!
Turns out it wasn’t that hard to find it. All he had to do was follow his Nii-san the next night when he went to bathroom to change and slam that door open. And he did.
And he saw his Nii-san
The Ichimatsu that was quiet and liked cats and was kind of depressing. The purple one, remember? He has the same face but his hair is never combed.
Yeah that one with both arms covered in tattoos.
And even though he didn’t see it in that moment, he was still sure that his back was probably covered too.
Now of course it’s shocking that his Nii-san has tattoos but even more shocking is the fact that they were yakuza tattoos. Which made it possible for Todomatsu’s mind to make the connection. It was something like this;
Ichimatsu-Niisan + yakuza tattoos = Ichimatsu-Niisan is yakuza
Todomatsu doesn’t remember what happened next, but maybe it was because of his scream or even before that the sound of the bathroom door, that he slammed open, his other brothers came running and they also saw the same thing as him. And if he were to turn around and look at their faces he would probably see the same connection that went through his mind.
Luckily Jyushimatsu was the first one to speak, or more likely shout.
“WOOW ICHIMATSU-NIISAN YOUR TATTOOS ARE COOL!”
And from a more artistic point of view, yes they were.
“It’s not ‘Thanks Jyushimatsu’! You can’t just say that like it’s nothing! It’s not nothing!” said Choromatsu.
“No no wait a second. Ichimacchan when did you... Why? No no wait a second...” Osomatsu-Niisan was just as baffled as him and with great reason!
“When did I become yakuza or when did I get the tattoos?”
“Ah so, I become yakuza like 3 months ago-“
“3 MONTHS?! And you didn’t even thought about telling us?!” Choromatsu had enough with all of his brothers hiding things from him, seriously what was he going to do with all of them!
“Ah, well I thought Shittymatsu had already told all of y-“
“Karamatsu-Niisan knew?!” Seriously how did he figure it out before Todomatsu?
“Ah my bruzza I thought it was something you should tell them yourself.” said Karamatsu-Niisan with a wink in the end, seriously talk about being painful.
“Anyways I started to get the tattoos 3 weeks ago and they were completed on Wednesday.”
“Okay I get the tattoos but why did you join the yakuza Ichimatsu?” asked Choromatsu.
“Eh, Chorofappyski was the one to tell everyone to get a job.”
“So you did huh, I really thought you would be the last of us who got a job and now look at you Ichimacchan! Onii-chan is proud you know!” Osomatsu did that thing where he scratched under his nose with his finger.
“No no no don’t you think it’s weird. How did you even became yakuza? And why didn’t you tell us? You were there when we had that talk with Totty about telling us things weren’t you?” Choromatsu asked with exasperation.
“I was going to tell you guys you know. When I got my first paycheck, but I had already given it to Mom so I didn’t have evidence. Then I thought maybe it would be better to not involve any of you. I didn’t know what to do, that’s why I was kind of relieved when Kuso-Karamatsu found out. I thought he already told all of you but you decided to stay away from that lifestyle.” said Ichimatsu, now tired from a long day and tired from all this attention.
“Nii-san how much is your paycheck?” asked Todomatsu remembering those times his brothers forced him to share the money he won in pachinko.
“Eh? Aaa... a few thousand yen?”
“Yeah but how much?”
“50,000,000 YEN?!?” yelled all the other five brothers.
“Whenever I do the assigned job.”
“By the way what is your job Ichimatsu Bruzza?” asked Karamatsu.
“Do you guys remember that time Iyami and Chibita tricked us into giving all our money to them by acting like beautiful ladies?”
“Aah we should have just killed them.” sighed Osomatsu.
“KILL!” Jyushimatsu was just as enthusiastic.
“Anyway do you remember the forest I brought you guys into?”
“Oh yeah you had a tiger.” Seriously why hadn’t Choromatsu questioned it before?
“Yeah well my job is pretty much that. I put people in the cage sometimes they spill important secrets and sometimes they promise to pay money.”
“Now that I think about it, why don’t we all go into that yakuza business?”
“Eeh? I like the public bath though?!” Todomatsu really didn’t want tattoos or the pain it brought!
“Ah the bath huh.”
“Right, there is nothing we can do.”
“In the end, the bath is essential my bruzzas.”
“Yep sorry Ichimacchan guess we can’t all go into the yakuza business.”
“Ah no it’s okay. I didn’t even ask you guys to.”
“Then that’s it. Let’s go to sleep everyone!” Osomatsu-Niisan really liked being the leader.
“Before that! There is still one more question you know! Ichimatsu how did the yakuza even contacted you?” And there goes Chorofappyski-Niisan ruining the fun. Todomatsu needed his beauty sleep you know?
“Oh that. I was scouted.”
“SCOUTED? LIKE IN BASEBALL?!” asked Jyushimatsu.
“Yes I guess... Two guys came and said they saw me with the tiger and asked if I would help them with their job. And I said yes because I thought that was the only chance at a job a piece of trash like me would get. At first I just lend them the keys and took it back after their job was done, but after the tiger accidentally injured one of the guys a higher up wanted to talk to me and asked if I could control the tiger which I can so he asked if I wanted to become a full time yakuza and be part of the family and I said okay. And that’s the whole story, now can I please go to sleep?” Ichimatsu was really tired now and he was really going to punch the next one that asked a question.
“Okay cool now that we know the whole story let’s go to sleep!”
Uwaah Totty really cares more about his beauty sleep than this huh thought Osomatsu.
“Non non bruzza I have one more question to as-“ Karamatsu had to stop because of the sudden punch that came to his face.
“EEHH?!” Choromatsu shouted while trying to hold the passed out Karamatsu upright.
“No more questions, we all sleep.”
Seriously I would never expect this to happen thought Todomatsu and closed the lights once and for all.