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Whatever this is, it’s never ending

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Whole story is in Blaine’s POV

Sometimes I can’t quite figure out what’s going on in other people’s brains to think such things as “going on this trip alone is going to be fun!”. The first few hours of my trip were certainly not “fun”. I could have just refused and stayed home, but I actually understood where Sam’s idea was coming from. At first I thought he was crazy to want me to go alone in the middle of god knows where, somewhere in Florida but after a few days of considering, I accepted. I already took the week off and if Sam couldn’t come, I might as well enjoy what he already payed for.

After spending 2 hours in a cold, dark bus that smelled like kids died in there and they hid their bodies in the bathroom, I wanted nothing more than to go back home, but spending any more time in there might actually kill me so might as well try to enjoy whatever this place has to offer.

I did not have very high hopes for what was coming next, but it turns out it’s actually a very nice place. I don’t know what this girl had to offer to make Sam want to miss this but it would take at least twice of whatever it was to make me miss it. It’s like when you buy a cheesy postcard with empty beaches and overly bright sun but here there’s a few people laying around in the sand.

Everything sounded perfect, 7 days in paradise, until I got bored of it. When I arrived it was 2 in the afternoon. The first thing I did was go to the beach, for obvious reasons. Mainly because there is no wifi and no tv; something I didn’t know before and really wished Sam would have warned me so I could have brought my computer and downloaded a bunch of stuff on Netflix.

While yes, the sun is burning, the water is refreshing and the feeling of warm sand between your toes is in fact very relaxing, after a while it gets boring. After the seventh time they play “La cucaracha”, it makes you want to rip your ears off and hide inside for the rest of the trip. Whoever picked the music clearly thought we all were a bunch of stereotypical dudes on vacations wearing sombreros and dancing in circles with maracas.

After making the world’s ugliest sandcastle topped with seashells and rocks, I decided I would be better off in my room, away from everyone, snuggled up in the sofa eating candies and reading whatever book I packed in case of extreme boredom.

After a meal of cheap coconut drink with a bowl of cold rice and what looked like meat but I couldn’t really tell, I eventually fell asleep on the couch.

Maybe it was boredom that lead me to fall asleep so suddenly because I wasn’t that tired. Maybe a little from waking up early to finish packing but clearly not enough to drift off on the couche at 8 pm. I slept for what felt like eternity because when I woke up, it was dark outside, and my phone indicated 2:54 AM. Well, there was no way I could get back to sleep, I thought might as well get up.

The beach turned out to be way more enjoyable at night. The only thing I could hear was the sound of the wind as I was walking barefoot through the sand. The water was cold, but i didn’t mind, I walked to the other side of the empty beach, water up to my ankles because we aren’t aloud to go any further unless lifeguards are around.

As I was about to turn around and head back inside, that’s when I heard the first words he would ever said to me.

“Looks like I’m not the only one who can’t seem to fall asleep!
Sorry, i didn’t mean to scare you off!”

“Don’t worry about it.”
I didn’t mind being scared to death by cute guys. I looked at him, his eyes, his smile, that’s what you call love at first sight.

“Pardon my manners, my name’s Blaine.”
I said getting back from my imaginary trip through the wonderland in his eyes.

“Really nice to meet you, I’m Kurt.
Tell me, what brings you out here in the middle of night?”

“I could ask you the same thing... but if you really want to know, my friend Sam arranged this trip for the both of us but cancelled last minute and I am bored out of my mind.”

I explained him the whole story ever since I arrived without sparing any details, without letting him place a word, like he would actually care, because it looks like he did.

“And that’s pretty much the whole story. I’m sorry, I tend to talk a lot when I’m stressed. Now, tell me about you!”

“It doesn’t bother me, I love getting to know you. I came here with my friend Rachel, but she had a family emergency and had to leave after only two days. Which means, I still have almost a hole week alone out here.”

“I get that but, now you’re not completely alone, right? I’m here with you...”
I was really hoping I didn’t cross the line on this one. He probably didn’t even thought of me that way so I tried not to expect much from him.

“It’s really sweet of you to say that, Blaine. I just don’t want to get your hopes up. I am only here for a week and I really can’t do long distance.”

“Stop! Just listen to me ok?”
I cut him off.

“I don’t care. As long as I don’t have to spend the hole week alone, even if it’s nothing serious, I want it.”
What I said wasn’t completely true. I do want to find something real, something wonderful, what they call true love. As much as I want that, from just a five minute conversation, I can tell I want Kurt even more, and if that’s what he has to offer... I’ll take my chance, and I’ll prove to him we can work it out. Because believe me when I say, there was no doubt in my mind in that moment, that we would never ever say goodbye to each other.

The way he looked into my eyes, I could feel he was scared, he knew that even if he tried, he couldn’t help but fall in love with me. We were just meant to be. After thinking about it, he agreed. He took my hands in his as we started walking back to my room.

I wish I didn’t have to go back inside, I couldn’t quite figure out how to make the ceiling fan work, how to get warm water in the shower, and how use the coffee machine , I really hated that place, so the less time I would spend there would be the better. When I was with Kurt, it’s like none of these little things seemed that important anymore. Just having him next to me, getting to know him, laughing until the sun comes up and feeling his hand tangled in mine, made me feel at home.

The rest of that week went by so quickly. I didn’t think I would enjoy this trip that much, but thanks to him it’s fair to say this was the best week of my life. Not only because I was in what most people would call paradise, but because of those little details that I will remember for a lifetime. Like waking up next to someone I love every morning and hold him into my arms, never wanting this moment to end.

It was Sunday morning, I had to get on the bus back home after dinner, and I would have rather been trapped in a prison there than have to go back to normal life. Not that I hate my life back in Lima, not at all, I love it! I have a great job, great house, great friends... but I don’t have Kurt. I can’t, and mostly don’t want to believe that after this unrealistically fantastic week, I will just head back to Lima and he will head back to... somewhere?

I’ve never asked him before where he was from. I didn’t bother because for him whatever we had was only for a week and wouldn’t matter after, I didn’t want to scare him off. I’ve almost said I loved him more times that I can count, but if only he knew how deeply in love I am with him, I can’t help but wonder what he would do. Would he love me back or run away?

 

 

I usually am quite a morning person, getting out of bed has never been a struggle for me before, but if this was the last morning I’d get to wake up with Kurt, I was determined to not waste any second of it. I woke up early but I couldn’t get back to sleep, didn’t want to actually. I could have stayed there staring at him sleeping forever, he looked so peaceful and calm, makes my heart melt, but eventually he woke up.

Breakfast was not the same, I could feel he was holding back. Like he wasn’t sure what he should do or say. Any other person I wouldn’t have noticed, but even after a week, I knew him better than he even knew himself. I could have just sit back and eat my cereals in silence, but if he wasn’t going to talk to me, I would just have to do the talking myself, because no way we would spend our last day together ignoring each other.

I asked him if there was anything he wanted to do but all he wanted was to lay in bed with me. I couldn’t possibly say no to that. We both knew that we would have to leave each other soon, but neither of us wanted to acknowledge it. I know he wanted to stay strong, not show how much he cared about me, about us, about what we had, but he couldn’t fool me. I knew this mattered as much to him as it did to me.

We small talked our way through the rest of the evening until the moment we would have to say goodbye. A bunch of buses were parked next to one another, waiting for people to get on them. I felt my eyes filling up with tears and I knew he felt as bad as me in that moment even if he didn’t want to show it.

“Blaine? You know I’m going to miss you right?”
He looked down at his feet like he was holding back tears. It wasn’t going to be long until we have to leave and I understand how he feels, but what I don’t understand is why does it have to end? Why can’t he see past the walls he put up? Why would he do that to me?...and to himself as well?

“When are you leaving?”
I asked while he stared at his ticket as if he wanted to shred it and stay here forever.

“Ohh umm... same time as you but I’ll stay until you get in.”
He grabbed my hand and without saying a word, I knew exactly what he meant, what he felt and what he wanted from me.

I just stayed next to him and played around with his fingers. I felt no words were necessary in that moment. I probably should say something, I shouldn’t let him get away, but I didn’t want to get my heart broken even more. If he wanted to stay in touch, he just had to say it... I just really, really, reallllly wanted him to say it.

He glanced at my bus ticket and broke the silence. 

“So... You live in Lima?”

“Yeah, I do. Have you ever been there?”

“I don’t live very far. I go there pretty often, it’s about 20 minutes, sometimes less, depends where I’m heading. You know I-“
He stopped talking. As much as I wish he would have finished that sentence, I knew what he wanted to say.

“Kurt, do you really feel like this has to end?”

He looked at me in confusion but I kept talking.

“Do you want to leave?
To never see me again?
Does this actually mean something to you or am I making things up?”

I took a deep breath, looking down because I couldn’t let him see me this broken as I added the last question, my voice cracking, because I couldn’t stay strong anymore.

“Do you want this to end?
Because I don’t.”

A few seconds passed but he didn’t say a word. I closed my eyes for a second and looked up to see him speechless, shocked... I couldn’t quite figure out how he felt but he clarified everything by only saying three little words, that meant so much.

“I love you.”

I felt my heartbeat getting faster and faster as I smiled through the tears. He squeezed my hand and added;

“I don’t ever want to leave you. I was just scared...
I was scared that since the first day I spent with you, I already loved you, but I didn’t know how to say it without loosing you.”

“Kurt, you will never loose me. Now that I’ve found you, I will never, ever let you go.”

As we heard through the speakers the last call for my bus, I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the door.

“I still have Sam’s ticket... if you want to come with me?... I know it’s not a fancy bus like the one you took getting here, it’s pretty shitty actually-“

“Blaine, you got me just by saying we’d be together. I dont need anything else.”
He smiled at me before he went ahead and took the ticket and handing it to the driver.

“Alright now! Let’s go home!”
Kurt says as we walk to our seats at the end of the bus.

“Home? Don’t you want to wait until you see my place to call it home ?”
We sat down in our seats, I insisted on taking the window seat but he didn’t seem to mind.

“I don’t need to.”
He tangled our fingers and pushed himself closer to me as the bus started moving. He rested his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes saying;

“Wherever we are, Blaine, just know that YOU are my home.”