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Jedi are cats

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“The Jedi are cats,” Is the opening sentence of the video clicked in a random holo cafe on Coruscant but it instantly catches the attention of the entire cafe and suddenly the toydarian, who had been on a five hour UsTube binge and gotten into a smaller section of the holo net, is overwhelmed with people peeking at their screen as the video plays.

The image showed, with title cards over each of the knights, master and padawans, a group of Jedi sleeping in a pile, some snoring and others just quietly sleeping. “They often end up sleeping in piles should there be many enough for it, just as cats often do.” The voice narrated happily.

As if they weren’t taking a galaxy of impressions and beliefs about Jedi and shattering them and as the hour long video continued, all Jedi and troopers who showed up, got a title card with rank a name appearing over them, to inform the watcher who was who.

It was utterly fascinating and several people were looking up the video on their own terminals to get a better look, others sending the link to their friends or family.

And as they did, the video continued further on to explain how Jedi were just like cats.

“Contrary to popular belief, the Jedi are highly paternal just as cats are,” That was cued with a shot of what looked like Master Billaba as she scolded her young padawan, kneeling in front of him while scrubbing what looked like clay off his cheek, the young man whining as a trooper stood there, holding a bowl of water for the Jedi with an amused look on his face. “This parental emotion will include their adult sprog, as Jedi consider their padawan’s for dumbasses most of the time unless they prove other wise and must therefore care for them.” The shot changed to Master Kenobi of all people, shoving Knight Skywalker into a seat, ranting about hair care and hygiene as he grabbed a brush and attacked the curls which apparently had a lot of branches stuck in it somehow.

Skywalker himself was loudly complaining that it wasn’t his fault that there were so many trees on the way to the camp.

“As cats, Jedi are also assholes towards each other at random, because this is instinct to them and apparently they find it hilarious, or so is the assumption.” Another voice, most likely a trooper too, took over and the image changed to Master Windu standing at a cliff, observing something in the distance with squinted eyes as Master Nu walked by, seemingly observed in her report pad.

Only when she got up behind him, she suddenly reached out and pushed hard at his back.

Windu let out a huge yelp and then fell off the cliff at a rather alarming pace from a sizable height and meanwhile, Master Nu just continued walking.

A small, smug smile was lurking on her lips as Windu started to curse loudly from wherever he landed, the man suddenly appearing on the cliff again after what must have been quite a jump, the master glaring after his fellow Jedi before suddenly shaking himself and turning back to watching, both ignoring what had just happened.

As if it hadn’t happened.

And if there wasn’t footage of it, most wouldn’t believe it.

“Mimicking this behavior however, gets a distress response from the Jedi that witness it.” The new narrator continued, much to the belief of those who heard it though that was also turned on its head as two troopers in white with maroon paint symbols on them were working on a rather huge shuttle wing, both looking consumed in their work before one of them suddenly jerked to and then pushed the other off the wing, one clearly cackling and the other yelling the entire way down.

Instantly Master Fisto appeared in the line of vision for the recording, clearly making what amounted to low distressed noises as he slowed the descent of the trooper for the last few meters even though the trooper hit the ground rather hard.

Before they were even sitting up, Fisto was there, fussing over the trooper before helping them up despite not being needed to and fussing them away towards a medical check.

“The Jedi are also highly interested in grooming and respond to it favorably or give those they care for grooming sessions, perhaps a bonding experiance for them,” The shot changed to Master Yoda, sitting on Kenobi’s shoulder, running his long claws through the others copper hair as the man tried to focus on the display and was clearly loosing. “Also, General Kenobi is a sucker for hair pettings and groomings and General Skywalker knows and abuses this privilege.” The scene cut to another where Kenobi sitting on a supply crate and was clearly trying to do work only for Skywalker to tug him closer and run his flesh fingers through the man’s hair, talking slowly and soothingly until the redhead’s cheek was settled on Skywalker’s shoulder.

Most likely for the best, even in the holo they could see the black rings around the Jedi’s eyes.

“In summary, the Jedi are catty, chaos assholes to each other who eat like they’ve never been feed but are wholly protective of their family at the same time as their asshole behavior does not harm anyone and any indication of injury will lead to distress responses as witnessed by General Fisto.”

The video finally concluded.

Leaving a lot of very stunned people who were sharing the video.