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Pink Carnation

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You know a lot of things about Enta. You know his favorite color, his least and most favorite foods, or his tendency to berate himself when he doesn’t follow something right. Once upon a time you thought you knew everything about your long-time best friend.

You wonder when that changed. When Haruka told you Enta has been visiting in his rehabilitation, you wonder if there are more things about Enta that you didn’t know about, that the leaks didn’t showed you. You think more about it as you try to catch your breath (you’re late again) and see Enta talking to Toi in the place you three hangout with. 

Enta would never make that face with me .

They were talking softly, you can see that Enta is leading the conversation. You don’t know what they’re talking about (you’re too far away), but you can guess it’s something that only the two of them are supposed to hear.  

You also don’t know why Enta looks hurt as he goes on and you feel guilty that you don’t have an inkling of what’s going on.

You suddenly don’t want to invade that bubble you’re not part in currently. You feel a familiar rotten feeling start to form in your stomach and you try hard to ignore it. Enta will tell me what he’s talking about with Toi when he’s ready, I’m sure.

‘sorry, it looks like I cant hang out today!’ You hit send in your group chat and walked(ran) back home, as quickly as your feet can take you. You didn’t wait to see them checking their phones and seeing your message, you don’t want to see it. You hate running away, but everything is so overwhelming right now.

You want to know more things about Enta you’ve missed.


Toi smacks your head as a greeting. You wish he didn’t. It’s 8 am and your head is spinning, so you just glare at him, you hope he gets the message straight.

“Don’t give me that look, your shitty fight made Enta upset.”

You quickly soften at that, but you’re not about to give Toi the satisfaction so easily. “I just wanted a bit of space for a while.”

“I don’t care what you two are fighting about, just sort it out already,” he pauses before quickly adding “It’s annoying.” 

You meet them at your usual hangout later that day, carrying kappa croquettes that Enta happily accepted, like the fight never happened at all. Toi looks fondly Enta when he thinks no one is looking. You feel a dull pang in your chest, but you can’t identify what the feeling was.


Enta decides to use Toi’s lap as a pillow today. It looked like Toi was dying when Enta declares that, but he quickly calms down when Enta falls asleep. 

There’s that fond look Toi has again. The one that’s only reserved for Enta. He’s gently stroking his hair, something you’ve seen lovers do.

Oh.

It all makes sense, when you think about it. How Toi looks at Enta, how his attention seems to lean more to Enta in general. It’s much more obvious now how much Toi likes Enta.

There’s another dull pang in your chest again. It rings and it hurts.


You wander around the city at night as Sara today. Sometimes you just open Pandora’s box and start wearing the familiar fabric, when things get confusing, when you don’t know who you’re supposed to be. You hardly need to become Sara for your brother anymore, but it’s easier to act like Sara instead of someone named Kazuki Yasaka. 

You walk with grace, with confidence despite having no audience around. Nights always seemed so quiet and peaceful.

“Kazuki?”

You didn’t have to turn around to know who it was. You know Enta’s voice like the back of your hand. You could’ve sprinted off again(because that’s what you’re good at), but something is bugging you.

“Isn’t it a bit late to be out right now, dish?” The thought of having Enta wandering around at night without someone (without you) makes you worry. You don’t want to see him in red again.

Dish?  Cut that out, Kazuki, and I could say the same thing to you.” He approaches you and you can’t help but feel tense, feel guilty.

“I..I’m sorry, I just-”

“Kazuki” He’s looking at you. He’s saying your name and you’re feeling overwhelmed again. You’re Kazuki Yasaka . You think back on all the rotten things you’ve done, and you wonder why he’s still around as your best friend. He takes off your wig and you don’t know how he can look at Kazuki Yasaka with the same fondness Toi does at him.

Huh.

“Let’s go home, Kazuki?”

“Okay.”

He doesn’t say anything on the way back.


You wonder if Enta likes you the way Toi likes Enta.