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What Is Lost Can Never Be Saved

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In two hours time, they were setting off for Enbarr. In two hours time, Dimitri would be that much closer to tearing that woman to shreds.

Edelgard…

And yet, before they left, the professor wanted to see him. Normally he would just ignore her request, as he had no desire at present to converse with her, but she'd written in her note that she wouldn't leave for Enbarr if he didn't speak with her first.

Truthfully, he could care less whether she came or not - if he had to, he would go to Enbarr by himself and without his forces, even. And yet, with her talents at his disposal, he knew that their forces would reach Edelgard all the more quickly, which meant he could kill Edelgard all the more quickly.

Yes… the professor had to come with them, and he would see to it that she did. 

Making his way to her personal quarters, he wasn't surprised to see that she'd left her door open. People were always so demanding of her time, coming in and out as they pleased… just like he used to do, back when he was still a student at the monastery's academy.

But those days were long gone, and nostalgia was a waste of time. In fact, all of this was a waste of time, and they should already be marching toward Edelgard.

“Well, I’m here. What is it? What do you want?”

His growl startled her, causing her to look up at him with wide eyes, although they quickly softened with concern. But he was growing more than tired of her piteous expressions, and shifted his gaze instead to the journal she’d been writing in. There, even with just his one good eye, he could clearly see the meticulous notes she’d been taking on the training progress of each of their allies…

… Except next to his name, where there was only a blank space.

“Close the door," she requested, and he complied. "About Enbarr,” she then started, shifting slightly uncomfortably as he looked to her once more. “Do you really think this is the best course of action?”

Her question stoked the fires of the dead's rage within him, and his eye narrowed.

“I will have that woman’s head,” he spat, consumed by his bloodlust. “If you don’t wish to come, then you can stay here. But know that if you try to stop me, or if you stand in my way… I will kill you.”

Rather than scaring her, though, his words only seemed to sadden her.

“Dimitri…” she whispered, surprising him as she approached him and put her hand on the side of his face.

Her hand… it… it was so warm.  Had it always been this warm?

But she was playing a dangerous game, throwing herself right into the cage with a beast like him… and it was a game he had no time for.

“Get away from me,” he snarled.

He could have - should have - just left her room himself, but for some reason, his feet refused to move. Perhaps it was because he’d cared for her once, before this madness driven by the dead had fully gripped him. Edelgard had been his first love, after all, but the professor… she had been his second. Back then, he'd been almost embarrassed by how much she'd come to mean to him during their two years at the monastery, and he'd never even dared to think that she might feel the same for him.

His feelings were just a relic of the past, though - or, so he’d thought. And yet, still, he couldn't make himself leave… 

After neither of them had moved for far too long, she started to slowly inch toward his face, eventually placing a soft, brief kiss on his lips.

Instinctively he gasped, his good eye widening as he otherwise remained frozen from the shock. But that response only seemed to encourage her, and soon her lips returned to his, her hand now sliding from the side of his face into his long, unruly hair as she kissed him more intimately this time.

During the last five years he’d done nothing but surrender to his basest of instincts, so it was almost a reflexive reaction when he hungrily kissed her back, allowing himself to submit to his long buried desire for her. Yet being driven solely by his primal desires had also made him somewhat feral, and she gasped as he roughly pushed her up against the wall.

Yanking off her cape, he threw it carelessly to the ground, doing the same for her collar once he’d unlatched it. But he was growing impatient with all of her layers, and by the time he got to her bodice, he merely ripped it off of her with his bare hands.

Following the tearing sound, her breasts were finally freed before him, and he could feel his erection straining against his pants as he stared hungrily at them. A deep blush abruptly stained her face, but he had no intention of offering her reassurances, of telling her how beautiful she was, or of making her more comfortable by bearing himself to her in return.

Instead, he only grabbed her by the back of the neck and pushed her toward him, losing himself to a fierce kiss as he pressed her half-naked body firmly against his chest.

Her nipples were starting to harden from touching the cool material of his armor, and no longer could he ignore her luscious breasts, bringing his lips down to them to kiss them. When he then opened his mouth to suck on them, kneading them with both his hands and mouth, she started to moan.

The sound made him want to drive himself into her right then and there, his need to do so almost becoming desperate, and he slammed her against the wall once more.

“Take off your shorts,” he demanded, barely even recognizing his voice as strained as it was. A part of him worried that she wouldn’t comply, that he’d be forced to leave without having her, without satisfying his painful hunger for her.

To his surprise, though, she obeyed, baring herself fully to him. It seemed strange to him that she would even do so, but ultimately it didn’t matter. He would have the release that he craved soon enough, as surely as he would one day cleave Edelgard’s head from her shoulders.

“I love you, Dimitri,” she then said, and he gasped.

She… loved him? His professor… no, Byleth. She…

Was this some kind of sick joke?

A monster like you doesn’t deserve to be loved, his ghosts started to taunt him, and he tried to shut out their voices, tried to avoid the look of scorn in their eyes.

Your life isn’t your own to love or be loved… your life belongs to us. You owe it to us to bring us peace, to let us rest, they accused.

They were right… they were right. She couldn't love him, a disgusting monster like him - that much was clear. But it wouldn't be enough for him to merely reject her love…

No. He had to destroy it.

Putting his hands on her hips, he deftly turned her around before bending her over her desk. She tried to turn her face to look at him, but he moved his hand to her head to turn it back, the motion less forceful but almost similar to how he'd snapped a man's neck only weeks ago.

He then unbuckled his pants and thrust himself into her womanhood as forcefully as if he were thrusting his lance in battle. She cried out in pain - goddess, he could distinctly remember how that sound used to make his heart stop in terror when they’d fought side-by-side five years ago - and he knew instantly that she’d been a virgin.

Grunting, he felt rage building up within him… rage that she would relinquish something so precious to a beast like him. It was his anger even more than his desire that led him to thrust again, over and over, without even giving her any time to adjust or recover from the forceful motions.

She had no choice but to put her hands on the desk to brace herself while he fucked her, and the rough jolts soon caused her journal to fall haphazardly onto the floor. But even the distraction didn’t disrupt his rhythm as he took her from behind, letting the sensations swell within him until it was time to release.

With his reflexes well-honed from years of physical training, he removed himself from her a mere instant before he came. He had no intention of burdening her or this world with his spawn, a child that would surely be as cursed as him. Yet because he pulled out, he spilled himself all over her buttocks and the back of her thighs, leaving her stained and soiled.

She remained completely still, her body as tense as a bowstring, the muscles in her back taut while she was frozen in place. Despite himself, he wondered what she was thinking - likely feelings of shame and regret - and he couldn’t help but grunt as the notion deeply pained him. There’d been a time that he would have done anything for her, anything she’d asked of him. But now, he… he was…

Dismissing such pointless thoughts, he shoved his cock back into the confines of his pants.

"Clean yourself and get dressed,” he commanded. “We'll be leaving within the hour. If you're not ready to go by then, then we'll leave without you."

Even though she hadn’t turned to look at him, he could see that tears were starting to form in her eyes, and he resisted the urge to flinch. He'd only seen her cry once, right after her father was killed. In fact, for quite a long time, she'd rarely even showed much emotion at all… he even distinctly remembered how nice it felt to catch sight of her rare smile during their early academy days.

But he knew that she wasn't crying because it had hurt when he’d fucked her, or because he’d brutally used her. She was crying because she was finally starting to realize that the Dimitri she knew was dead, that the man in front of her was merely a shell, a walking corpse…

A repulsive, blood-stained monster.

That was enough to quell any wisps of pain and guilt rising within him. After all, it was best that she did cry, that she did mourn. There was no sense in either of them pretending that things could ever be the way they once were, that he had any other path to tread on other than the road to death. For someone like him, there would be no redemption.

Until he took Edelgard's head from her shoulders, he would never be free from all the dead who clung to him, free to lay down his cursed mantle and die himself. And then, on that blessed day, he could descend to the fiery depths of hell along with his stepsister, knowing that his loved ones were finally released from the torment that had been plaguing them for the last nine years.