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Gaku is (most definitely not) fucking Nanase Riku

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 It’s a normal weekday, just like any other. Tenn and Ryuu are just chilling in the living room while waiting for Gaku to come home from his solo job. There’s a rerun of Kimi to Ainanight on TV and Tenn is watching intently. Meanwhile, Ryuu is working on his character analysis essay of Magical Kokona (for a reason he would rather not say, because it’s absolutely embarrassing). He has the latest episode playing on his phone but he just can’t seem to focus.

His mind keeps running to Gaku, both in a concerned friend way and in a gay way, but the latter isn’t important right now. He has been having this… niggling suspicion and it won’t leave his head.

“Hey, Tenn,” Ryuu calls and the addressed man only answers with a non-committal hum. “Aren’t you suspicious?” He asks and Tenn just immediately jumps on it.

“Fuck yes I am.”

“Gaku doesn’t like Tsumugi anymore.” “Riku is dating someone.” They say in unison and Ryuu groans. Of course. They weren’t some soulmates in a fanfic. He should have been more specific.

Meanwhile, Tenn just lets out a quiet, uninterested-seeming “Oh. I see.” Ryuu watches as Tenn sits silently in thought for a while before his face lights up like he had just found the 8th wonder of the world.

“Isn’t it convenient that we’re both suspicious at the same time?” The younger man asks. Ryuu is understandably confused but he nods apprehensively.

“Think about it, Ryuu,” Tenn says using his conspiracy theory voice, which is never a good sign. Ryuu gulps.

Tenn stands up and starts pacing back and forth with his hand on his chin. “Gaku doesn’t like Tsumugi anymore and at the same time, Riku is dating someone.”

“Well, it’s just a suspicion, I don’t even know if-“ he tries, but in vain, because once Tenn’s switch is flipped on the only person who can turn it off is Tenn himself.

“So, using inductive reasoning, I conclude that Gaku must be dating Riku!” Tenn exclaims, as if that makes his ‘reasoning’ any less unreasonable. If anything, it only makes him look like an old man yelling at a cloud.

Ryuu runs his palm down his face and groans. Why does everything always backfire on him? “ No, Tenn , he isn-“

But it’s too late now. Nothing stops Tenn normally, but even more so when he’s in raging brocon mode like right fucking now. “I’m getting to the bottom of this, even if I have to infiltrate the IDOLiSH7 dorms myself!” He yells and makes a mad dash to his room, coming out (Ryuu swears) not 5 seconds later fully dressed in his “gear”.

What is “gear”, you ask? It’s really just a shirt with Riku’s face printed all over it, a Riku itabag (weapons inside), a face mask, a hat, and sunglasses (all colored hot red) because he’s too ~Pro~ to let anyone recognize him in that outfit. But that’s the least of the problem when he literally looks like he’d kidnap his own little brother, decapitate him, then keep his head in the freezer.  

… Ok, maybe that was going too far. But Ryuu digresses.

Tenn storms out the front door but Ryuu doesn’t chase him because Tenn can’t drive and if he wants to get even 5 meters out of the building without having the police called on him, he needs Ryuu, the token driver gay of TRIGGER, to get him there. And as predicted, Tenn comes back inside, grabs Ryuu’s hand and looks up at him like he is a kicked puppy instead of someone about to beat another man up. “Ryuu... Drive me there.”

No, Ryuu, this isn’t the time to freak out about (one of) your crush(es) holding your hand, he thought to himself and says sternly, “Absolutely not, I am not about to let you murder someone.”

“Then don’t let me, just hold me back when I lose control!”

“The fact that you would lose control is the problem here!”

“Drive me, or I’ll tell Gaku you’ve been thinking of him excessively,” Tenn threatens and Ryuu’s face goes a brighter shade of red than Riku’s hair. But no! He mustn’t lose here! He pulls his hand out of Tenn’s grasp so he is the one grabbing Tenn’s instead. Technically he doesn’t need to do it, but he wants to. You know, to assert dominance. Definitely no ulterior motives.

“Ok, you’re right but that’s not fair,” he retaliates. “Besides,” he adds without thinking, “I’m thinking excessively of you too…” He trails off, because he’s talking way faster than his brain is working and Tenn clearly looks taken aback by the statement. In a good or a bad way though, Ryuu can’t tell.

But anyway, Tenn looks like he’s calmed down a bit, so Ryuu lets go of his hand and says, “Look, let’s just solve this peacefully, ok? Let’s ask the other i7 boys, maybe they know.”

What Ryuu does not know is that Tenn’s brain, which was previously running at 100 miles an hour has come to a dead stop because he was being saddled by unnecessary feelings and was currently praying to whatever God that it isn’t showing on his face because there are more important things to worry about right now. The (two) love(s) of his life can wait.

“Fine,” he concedes, only because his anger is temporarily quelled. “Who do you think is good to call?”

“Uh… Yamato? Since he’s the leader, he should know.” Ryuu tries not to let on that he is dejected because of Tenn’s apparent nonchalance at his accidental confession.

Tenn dials the number faster than Lightning McQueen and when Yamato picks up (after 4 rings, way too slow in his standard) and says hello, it is only met with a vaguely aggressive

“Nikaido. I know.”

Yamato makes an incomprehensible noise that can only be described as “???????”. Which is not a wonder at all, because who wouldn’t be absolutely terrified if someone calls you out of nowhere and says things that make it seem like they know where you keep your secret krabby patty formula.

“Who is Riku seeing.”

Not a question. A statement.

“Oh fuck!” Yamato whisper-screams, followed by a loud thud, which Ryuu can only assume was the phone being dropped on the floor. “Code black! Code black!” Yamato screams, followed by several other screams (Mitsuki’s and Nagi’s) in the background.

“Ahhhh!!! Oh no!!!’ Mitsuki yells, suspiciously very clearly into the phone’s speaker. “I, uhhh, I stubbed my pinky toe!! Oww! I think I broke my toe!” He cries way too dramatically.

“Oh no! Mitsu!! We’ve gotta get you to the hospital!” Yamato yells, while Nagi screams “Oh nooo!! Blood! Blood! Ahhhh!!” in the background. Judging by the incessant thumping, the blond was running circles around the room.

“Ahem, as you can see, we have an urgent matter to tend to,” Yamato ‘explains’ and without waiting for Tenn’s response, he says a very quick “K bye!”  Some scuffling could be heard before Nagi practically yells into the phone, “Also, Tsunashi-shi! You better have that 6-page character analysis ready if you want to hang out with me on Sunday!”

Tenn squints at Ryuu, who can only scream back into the phone, flustered. “I-I’m working on it! I’m on page 4!!”

“Nagi, give it back!” Yamato yells (note that Mitsuki is also still screaming in ‘pain’ in the background, it was a literal circus there). “A-anyway, catch you later, Kujo!” Without leaving any space for argument, the connection closes.

The room now feels eerily quiet without the Pythagoras trio literally hollering their throats off.

“That was a waste of time. I need someone dumber,” Tenn sighs and immediately dials Tamaki’s number. Why he didn’t just do that from the start baffles Ryuu.

It only took two rings for Tamaki to pick up. “Oh Tenten! You don’t call often, what’s up?” The boy asks, way too carefree and happy, Tenn thinks, when there’s currently a crisis that could change the face of the world.

“Yotsuba. Will you tell me anything if I give you 100 King Puddings?”

“100?! Holy shit ! Of course!” Tamaki yells giddily, it even sounds like he’s jumping around. A soft “Tamaki-kun, language!” can be heard in the background.

But Tenn does not look satisfied yet. Not yet. “Ok. Then, will you tell me who Riku is dating?”

“Oh- Oh, shit. Uhhh…” Tamaki stammers for a good minute. “S-Sou-chan what do I do?!” There is some muffled speech which goes on for a while, which can only be them arguing, before Tamaki comes back on.

“I wish I can tell you, but I’ll die if I do! I don’t think 100 puddings is worth my life!” Tamaki screams.

Of course it is ,” Tenn tries to convince the younger boy, to which Ryuu screams in absolute horror, “ Tenn! No!”

Tenn clicks his tongue at the older man, but thankfully that was enough to stop him. “Why?” He asks Tamaki, who very comprehensively explains,

“Because if I tell you, and you kill Rikkun’s boyfriend, Rikkun will get sad and if Rikkun is sad, Iorin will ‘get to the ass of it’ and kill anyone who caused it!! Even including me! And I’m his second favorite after Rikkun!”

Sougo pipes up, more audible this time. Ryuu can only presume he is yelling this time. “I already told you a million times, Tamaki. Ass isn’t always a synonym of bottom!”

“Well, I don’t know when it isn’t, so I’ll just use ass every time.”

“That’s not how language works!”

The two continue to argue for a while and seem to have completely forgotten that they were on call so Tenn, already looking like he was about to explode, immediately disconnects the line and throws his phone on the wall. Or at least that was his intention before Ryuu just barely stopped him from doing that, mainly by restraining his arm and slamming him against the very wall the phone was meant to slam on.

Unfortunately this isn’t exactly the best time to be in a risque position implying dom-sub bed dynamics because it’s in this very exact moment, the front door is opened by an exhausted looking Gaku.

“Hey, guys I’m finally ho...me….” he trails off upon seeing this…. Scene. He almost couldn’t stop himself from dropping the bag he was carrying in his hand. Stay cool, Gaku, he thinks to himself. Stay cool.

In a panic, Ryuu immediately lets Tenn go. “Gaku! It’s not what it looks like!” He yells (Gaku swears Ryuu was this close to crying) like some soap opera heroine. Tenn, of course, takes advantage of this panic to launch himself at Gaku, and grab him by the collar. Except that the fact that he was smaller than Gaku made it so much less intimidating. At least by Gaku’s standard.

“Gaku are you fucking Nanase Riku?!” Tenn asks (more like yells) at his face. 

“Wha-”

“Or maybe you’re the one getting fucked, I don’t know, I’m not a bottomphobe, but are you having intercourse with my younger brethren?!” Tenn ‘rephrases’ in a way that somehow sounds grosser than just outright saying he was badoinking Riku. 

“Oh my god, this again ,” Gaku sighs, this is more than just a dejavu. Though, inside he is secretly enjoying egging Tenn on. “No, I’m not, Izumi junior can attest to this.”

Tenn is still suspicious. Yeah, sure Izumi Iori was a member of the Riku Protection Squad, but judging from that conversation with Yotsuba Tamaki, Tenn now deems him untrustworthy. Excommunicated. De-fellowshipped. 

He tests the waters anyway. “Then do you know who he’s dating?”

“Nah, they won’t tell me. I’m dying to know too,” Gaku shrugs, going over to sit on the couch while the other two followed suit. He thought that was enough to end the conversation (as much as he enjoyed it, it was too late at night to do this), but unfortunately the keyword here is thought .

“So you still like Tsumugi?” Tenn tries from a different angle, and Ryuu just wishes the earth would swallow him up already. That was supposed to be brought up in a more appropriate fashion god dammit! 

Gaku is obviously taken aback by this, but he tries his best to not show it on his face. “What gives you the idea that I don’t anymore?” He challenges.

“Ryuu did. He’s been watching you closely and thinking excessively about you,” Tenn states, rolling his eyes. A part of him is still quite sour about all this.

Meanwhile Ryuu is this close to going and looking for that hole made just for him. “Tenn!! Noooo, aaahh! It’s only speculation!” He buries his red hot face in his hands. Gaku’s staring really isn’t helping. 

Gaku really is just staring because he was waiting for Ryuu to deny the whole excessive thinking statement, but it never came, so now he’s lowkey going on a feels trip.

So now they’re all on the couch, with Tenn boring holes in Gaku’s face, Gaku staring into space trying to process his mixed feelings about this whole ordeal, and Ryuu just looking generally uncomfortable.

“Ok well,” Gaku breaks the silence, he thought he may as well say it now that they were here. “The point is. I’m not in love with Tsumugi,” he states gravely, as if it was the most tragic moment of the world. 

“Oh. Really,” Tenn clicks his tongue. He got him. Victory is finally his. 

Gaku didn’t expect this reaction at all. He knew Tenn can be quite cold sometimes but he didn’t think it would be so… heartless. So his natural reflex was to dumbly ask, “Ok what the heck is going on?” 

“How convenient.” 

“Wh-”

“That you decide to unlike Tsumugi the same time Riku is dating someone.” 

Gaku splutters something that sounds like screaming ‘DKDJFHSFS’ out loud. “ Unlike ?! Don’t say it like that, Tsumugi isn’t a Facebook status! This is blatant disrespect to our Queen!” Gaku retorts, horrified.

Aha! You didn’t deny it! See I told you Ryuu!” Tenn says and Ryuu can only let out something in between a sigh and a tired whimper.

“That’s faulty logic, Tenn. Just because I didn’t deny doesn’t mean it’s confirmed,” Gaku smirks and points to his head like that meme he saw on twitter. 

“I suggest you wipe that dumb smile off your face and stop being cryptic before I perform an orchiectomy on you.”

Ryuu pipes in, slightly concerned. “What’s an orchiectomy? That sounds dange-”

“Shut up, computer from the 1950s.”

“Wha-”

Gaku smirks, his competitive side awakened. “Hah. You can’t scare me because I also don’t know what that is,” he crosses his arms across his chest like he was proud of his own idiocy. 

"It means I’m going to extract your balls from your sad, droopy ballsacks, Gaku," Tenn explains matter-of-factly, and as an afternote he added "Oh. And Ryuu, take note." 

“Oh wait, I see now!” Ryuu exclaims, “Computers from the 1950s are big and slow, and you mean to say my body is big and my brain is-” He double takes in realization, “Hey, that’s just mean!”

“You’re doing exactly what he means, Ryuu,” Gaku snickers, then Tenn swiftly pulls his collar so that Gaku was just kissing distance from him. Ryuu may have let out a tiny welp at the sight. 

“Don’t you think I’m done with you, Gaku,” Tenn threatens but that only makes Gaku’s smirk grow. 

“Aw, you’re cute when you’re mad,” he casually remarks, like he has lost all fear of losing his life.

Tenn pulls out his Nanase Riku butter knife from his Nanase Riku Itabag (he hasn’t gotten the chance to change out of the outfit yet), and presses it against Gaku’s throat. “Well get ready, because I’m about to be fucking gorgeous,” he growls, at which Gaku growls back.

It was getting too dangerous (and too suggestive for Ryuu’s innocent eyes), so Ryuu uses all his strength to pull them apart. No kidding, he loves them both and would love to kiss kiss fall in love with them, but in moments like this, he wishes he were in IDOLiSH7 instead.

“Alright, alright,” Ryuu says, as soothingly as possible. “We should keep the murdering for another day, ok, Tenn? And Gaku, it’s been a long day for you, you should get some rest.” Ryuu puts on his big bro smile and of course it works because the other two are secretly completely smitten for this man.

“Yeah you’re right. I’ll go interrogate the idolish7 boys tomorrow,” Tenn gives in.

“Please don’t,” Ryuu whispers.

“True, today was exhausting. Oh and for the record, I honestly don’t know who Riku is dating, you should ask Izumi junior,” Gaku says and stands up, patting both Ryuu and Tenn’s heads and giving them one last smile before sauntering into his room. 

The two sat in silence for a while, Ryuu, because he was flustered at the sudden physical affection, and Tenn for… unknown reasons. 

"It seems this mystery remains... unsolved," Tenn finally says, before heading to his own room. And Ryuu sits there, thinking that maybe having it remain that way would be the best for everyone involved.

 


 

 

Move, we’re gay

 

#iwant2die: 

yall, i think someones infiltrated the dorm.

i keep hearing weird noises

 

rikuprotectionsquad: 

Are you sure you didn’t leave the window open? It might just be the wind knocking stuff down.

 

momtsooki:

don't bother with him iori, he's just going senile

 

#iwant2die:

no man fr. i checked all the windows. theyre closed

 

kingpuddinghecker69:

oh fuck i KNEW IT

 

S T R E S S E D:

Tamaki-kun!! Language!!!

 

kingpuddinghecker69:

THE GHOSTS ARE AFTER ME AND MY PUDDING

 

kingpuddinghecker69:

SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME CRASH IN THEIR ROOM TONIGHT IM GONNA DIEEEEEE

 

rikuprotectionsquad:

You're not going to die, Yotsuba-san. But you can "crash" in my room if you want.

 

kingpuddinghecker69:

omg iorin.... *//o//*

 

#iwant2die:

lol ykno what this is perfect if the ghost kills me just know that i love yall

 

Kokona kin:

AWWW WE LOVE YOU TOO YAMATO REST IN PIECE

 

momtsooki:

there's no ghost tamaki and jesus christ yamato there are kids here

 

momtsooki: 

also nagi, it's rest in *peace

 

Kokona kin:

CLOSE ENOUGH.

 

momtsooki: 

god why am i here just to suffer

 

touma-san lovemail:

uh oh 

 

touma-san lovemail:

I just got a shiver down my spine guys... :( I think i know who it is ;;;;;

 

touma-san lovemail:

I have a date with touma-san after work, so can you guys handle it until I come home? ><

 

S T R E S S E D:

Date.

 

momtsooki:

??? handle what??

 

#iwant2die:

oh no 

 

#iwant2die:

i think i kno what riku means...

 

momtsooki:

?????????

 

S T R E S S E D:

Date...

 

#iwant2die:

wish me luck yall.


 

Meanwhile in the Re:vale residence, the married couple are aggressively making out on the couch after a long day at work, just a typical night for these two, until they were interrupted by Good Night Awesome playing from Yuki’s phone. Immediately they drop what they were doing (hint: each other), because they both know how important that ringtone is to Yuki. 

Momo can’t even bring himself to look sour. His husband has been waiting for this his whole life. 

Yuki checks his phone, and pinches himself because he never imagined this day would come. “Yamato… is texting me… I can finally die in peace,” he says, wiping away a single dramatic tear.

“What did he say? Let me see!” Momo leans in to read along with Yuki.

 


 

            

Yamato

 

Yamato, let's go out for a drink

28.11.20xx

 

Yamato, I saw you on the drama. Wonderful acting.

14.12.20xx

 

What are you doing for Christmas, Yamato?

23.12.20xx

 

Happy new year Yamato.

01.01.20xx

 

How are the boys doing?

16.01.20xx

 

Happy birthday, Yamato. I sent you something in

the mail, wrapped with love ;)

14.02.20xx

 

Yamato, how about an adults only hanami session? ;)

03.03.20xx

 

Yuki-san, I h8 2 say dis but I need ur help. 

SOS come 2 the dorm quick. im abt 2 b 

murdered

15.03.20xx

 


 

“Huh,” Yuki could only say.

“Aha! Good thing I was almost murdered, now my experience is coming in handy!!” Momo jokes, but Yuki doesn’t laugh.

“That was bad, Momo. Bad boy, baaaad boy” he reprimands, which from an outsider’s perspective sounds like he’s joking, but he’s serious. Well, mostly.

“Sorry, Yuki.. I’ll be a good boy from now on, darling, I promise… Forgive me?” Momo wraps his arms around Yuki’s neck and basically clings to him while looking up to him with his puppy eyes. Yuki pats Momo’s head like he would a pet dog. Yeah, sure, no one’s watching their act, but that’s all the more reason to “go ham”, as the youngsters put it.

“Of course, I forgive you, honey.” 

The two stare into each other’s eyes for a good five minutes before Yuki (reluctantly) breaks the moment. “So, you ready to suit up, honey?”

“Hell fucking yeah darling!” Momo exclaims.

And by “suit up” they mean their Anti-Murder Gear, which is just cycling safety gear, helmet, and strap-on guards for every joint, added with a ski mask and a bulletproof vest. They got them in their neon image colors, in case they were going at it at night. Safety first! Obviously, they’re wearing face masks too, because they’re pros and can’t risk getting recognized on the street carrying metal bats, which may or may not have blood stains from previous offenders on it. Oh and they’re wearing roller blades from the Order Please event. For fast and efficient travel.

“Let’s,” Momo pauses and points to his rollerblades, smiling mischievously. “Roll.”

Yuki spits out his metaphorical drink and literally keels over in laughter. Momo makes sure to catch him of course, because the last time Yuki fell on his rollerblades, he twisted his ankle, rendering him unable to dance for a whole week. To say it incurred Okarin’s absolute wrath would an understatement. Okarin has a point but he shouldn’t blame them for wanting to try out some dynamic kama sutra.

“God, Momo,” Yuki says as his laughter finally calms down. “You really are the second coming of Jesus.”

“Aw Yuki, noo… If anything I’m more like the Paul to your Jesus.”

“Momo…”

“Yuki…” 

“Momo…”

“Yuki…” 

~Ready go dark, dark, dark, kurayami e~

“Oh oops, that’s Yamato again.” Yuki pulls out his phone.

“What’d he say?”

“He wrote, and I quote, ‘Stop flirting with Momo-san and get your (pardon the French) asses here immediately.’”

“Wow… Is Yamato an ESP?!” Momo jokes. “It’s lowkey scary.”

“Big worm,” Yuki says, then pauses thoughtfully. “Is that how the youngsters use it?”

“That’s right, I’m so proud of you, darling!” Momo squeals and give his husband a tight squeeze. Yuki basks in the feeling. “Now, shall we roll for real?”

Yuki nods, puts on his ski mask and holds up his bat. “Time to rescue our children.”

 


 

In the TRIGGER residence, Ryuu is pacing back and forth in the living room as Gaku watches almost too nonchalantly, like they’re living in completely different universes.

“Gaku, did Tenn say he had late jobs today? Why isn’t he home yet? I thought we promised to watch Shrek together…” Ryuu worries, pacing so quickly, even he himself was starting to get a headache. 

Gaku huffs then clicks his tongue, looking completely serious. “Ryuu. I’m disappointed in you.”

That only makes Ryuu panic even more. Did he miss something? Did he forget or-

“It was The Bee Movie. We promised to watch The Bee Movie.” 

Ryuu makes a distraught groan. He is this close to slamming his face into the wall. Maybe he is a computer from the 1950s because he is a total idiot to completely buy into that. Being in love really has been proving to be disadvantageous recently. Well, it’s always been, but recently even more so.

Gaku won’t be of any help, he concludes and proceeds to mumble to himself, pacing more intensely and making incomprehensible noises. “Did he get kidnapped…? He is on the small side after all…”

“Oh shit,” Gaku suddenly chimes in, which startles Ryuu.

“Geez, what now Gaku?” 

“Look at Yamato’s twitter. His priv.”

Ryuu makes a mad dash for his phone and opens the IDOLiSH7 leader’s profile.

 


 

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

ok theres weird sounds coming from the kitchen wtf why do i have to be the only one home now

|

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

the windows are all closed too, i dont want to be all ry*n berg*ra here (#shaniacsftw) but its not the fucking wind

|

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

riku is being really cryptic what does he mean by "i think i know who it is" why wont he tell me and why do i have to deal with his junk just bc he has a date w the bf i waNT TO KERMIT

|

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

oh, sh jt , it s

|

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

kUjOU TENN?!!!?!?!! (#(=€{¢;_(2

|

musashi’s lover @meganeyams

I if i di e pls  tel musashi i lov hi

 


 

“Dammit! I already told him not to yesterday!” Ryuu exclaims as the two put on the nearest available clothing, which only looked like they were going to a budget christmas party, but Ryuu had a car for a reason.

“You really think just telling him would stop him? Tenn’s a wild beast!” Gaku exclaims. They are now sitting in Ryuu’s car, driving out the parking lot. Gaku soon laughs to himself then jokes, “A wildebeest , if you will.” He grins at Ryuu like it was the most genius joke in the world.

Ryuu can only roll his eyes. “Well, you seem to be having fun. Aren’t you concerned at all?” He reprimands, then adds, “Oh, and fun fact wildebeest aren’t predators. They’re herbivores.” He thought, if Gaku wouldn’t have the decency to take this seriously then he could at least get his animal facts straight.

"Wait, really? Damn. That name’s misleading." Gaku pulls out his phone from his pocket and googles wildebeest images, then lets out a loud snort. “Pft! They kinda look like if my old man had horns,” he jokes again. "See see??"

Gaku points the screen in Ryuu’s direction and Ryuu complied, which was a mistake because it does look like Mr. Yaotome with horns and he almost goes into a fit of giggles, just barely keeping the car from swivelling wildly. 

He pretends it doesn’t faze him, but it actually calmed his nerves a little. “Gaku! I’m driving!” He reprimands, but he can’t hold back his smile.

“Killjoy,” Gaku says, but he’s grinning too. “And about Tenn. Yeah sure, I’m concerned, but I trust him. And besides,” Gaku pauses and was Ryuu seeing things or was his cheeks tinged pink? Gaku scratches his cheek sheepishly. “He has us, just like we have him.” 

Ryuu’s mind went into overdrive. What the heck was that? What was that?! He loves Gaku and Tenn so much he feels like his heart is going to explode. “Y-you’re right,” Ryuu could barely muster a staggered reply. The car fell into silence, because Ryuu needed to calm his heart and Gaku… he looks nervous, but Ryuu has no idea why.

 


 

Heya folks! What is happening and who needs some beatin up?!” Momo bursts through the front door of the IDOLiSH7 dorm, with Yuki in tow (He hasn’t quite mastered the rollerblades yet, so he’s holding Momo’s hands quite tightly).

All of i7 besides Riku were there and they all look vaguely threatened by the presence of one Kujou Tenn, keeping him at a distance, and each carrying a unique weapon of their own. Pepper spray, a magical kokona stick, a soup ladle... and sougo was carrying a drill for some reason. They’re all surrounding Tenn in a circle, pointing their “weapons” at him like some satanic summoning ritual.

“Re:vale?! Yamato, did you call them here?” Mitsuki gasps, but as soon as he got over his shock, he looks his two senpai and their very neon get-up up and down. “...Also why are there blood stains on your bats?”

“Because we never wiped them, duh ,” Yuki answers, rolling his eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Well, not like anyone was expecting a serious answer. “Oh, also, Yamato texted me to come.”

Everyone’s eyes (even Tenn’s) instantly turned to Yamato, as if he caused armageddon. Yamato points at Tenn. “It was an SOS! Kujou was about to murder me. And Musashi!” 

“The robot was another story,” Tenn replied curtly.

“Musashi is not just a roomba! He’s more than that.”

Tenn rolls his eyes at the sour man. “Would you be so kind as to tell me when exactly ive been a threat to your life?" He asks, though his “innocent puppy” trick loses 99% of its credibility, considering he’s holding a knife (with Riku’s face printed on the handle). Yamato decides it would be a good time to jump into storytelling mode. Well mostly to buy time before Riku comes back.

 


 

Let’s rewind a bit to when Yamato was still home alone. 

After hearing the weird noises, he ran into Ichi’s room to get one of his cans of pepper spray so he was well-armed. He cautiously walked around the shared living space. Then he heard a rustling sound.

"Who’s there?! If you hand yourself in now I won’t call the police!" He said. He thought it was coming from the dorm's kitchen-dining area so he made his way there stealthily. He circled the dining table once, checking the large cabinets along the way, not once thinking to look down. Just as he thought the coast was clear, a hand grabs his ankle. 

Gyaahhh!! Holy shit! I’m going to die!” He sprayed the pepper spray in the direction of the hands grabbing him, but it was completely useless as the table was getting in the way. There was now a huge orange stain on it and Mitsu was going to be furious . But that was the least of his problems.

Nikaidooo… Yamatooo… ” A voice called from under the table and Yamato could barely breathe. He was so glad Musashi was sleeping in his room, so it couldn’t witness his untimely death. A figure slowly crawled out from under the table and looked up at the terrified leader, who currently has horror movie OSTs playing in his head. 

It’s Kujou Tenn. Yamato pulled out his phone from his pocket to livetweet his dying words one-handed before staring back into the abyss that was Tenn’s eyes. "K-Kujou... Tenn... ahaha... what brings you here?" he feigned ignorance. 

Tenn came out from hiding, stood up and dusted off his shirt as if he hadn’t just infiltrated people’s homes. With his shoes on too. Ugh, Musashi didn’t spend the whole day on the floor just for some crazed brocon man to ruin it again.

"Nikaido Yamato," Tenn says his full name again, which was still very unsettling, with the same threatening aura. He inched closer and closer to a very uncomfortable Yamato. "You will tell me who Riku is seeing, or else."

"Or else what?" Yamato played the deal with the devil. If he was gonna die at least he didn’t want it to be a pathetic death. 

"I can either tear your arm off or end your whole career, up to you," Tenn said nonchalantly, while blowing his nails like he was partaking in some insignificant neighborhood gossip and that made Yamato even more scared. The only thing he could do now is stall for time until someone else got here.

"Uhhh... Well, have a guess," Yamato offered lamely, sweating profusely as Tenn squinted at him. 

"I swear, if it’s you I'll tear Musashi apart."

Yamato was horrified. “ No! Absolutely not! I would never cheat on Musashi!”

"But you do think Riku’s cute. Don’t think I don’t see your drunk priv tweets.”

Yamato deflected. "Well, yeah, but that’s purely in a brotherly way. You get that, right?"

Tenn paused. "... Well, yeah i do."

This was his chance to change the topic of conversation, Yamato thought. "Haha right! you know Riku's cluelessness is always so adorable."

Tenn looked very intrigued, he increased the distance between them to something more normal. 

"That time we played never have I ever, Nagi asked something about frenching and Riku had to ask what it was.”

"Heh. Innocent," Tenn chuckled.

Yamato laughed fondly remembering the moment. "Yeah, and when he found out he went tomato red but still drank his sh..." He trailed off. Ok, this was clearly the wrong story to tell to the wrong person.

Tenn’s face darkened immediately. The previous fond laugh seemed like a lie. "He drank his shot?"

“Uh…”

Nagi came bursting through the front door, saving Yamato from impending doom. " Yamato! Are you ok?! You’re not dead yet r -” Upon seeing Tenn, his face brightened. “Oh hey! A wild Kujou-shi has-"

Tenn pulled out a knife from out of nowhere and pointed it to Nagi and Mitsuki who’ve just come to the entryway. " Don’t move! "

"OK, woah woah, Tenn, calm down! I think we can settle this diplomatically," Mitsuki said, but still went to grab a soup ladle (family sized) from the kitchen. He then cautiously approached the feral Tenn.

Tenn huffed. "Diplomatically? Impossible. This will only be settled when you tell me who Riku is seeing."

"So you can go murder them yourself?" Yamato asked, meaning for it to be a joke, but then Nagi cooed. 

"Aw, you finished his sentence Yamato, that's so sweet, you guys are like soulmates!" 

Both parties in question looked at Nagi, partly in disapproval and partly in pure unadulterated disgust, and yet Nagi seemed to bask in the negative attention. Also, he already had his Magical Kokona stick somehow, like he summoned it from thin air.

"Oh hey, Izumi. I'm glad your toe is better now," Tenn smiled sickly sweet and his eyed stared pointedly at Mitsuki's perfectly fine and healthy pinky toe and the latter could only sweat nervously and change the subject.

"W-well this is going nowhere, haha,” he laughed nervously, then muttered, “where is Sougo and his damn drill when you need it?"

"Did you call?!" Sougo suddenly burst through the front door, his drill already on, letting out a delighted almost maniacal laughter.

"Sou-chan stop!! No one was calling you!!" Tamaki ran behind Sougo, breathless. 

"To be fair, I did call him. I was only a tiny whisper, though, swear," Mitsuki responded, unable to bring himself to feel surprised anymore. 

"My team-mom radar never lies,” Sougo said, smiling sweetly.

" Wha- ok, but more importantly, Tenten!!! You didn’t tell me you were…” Tamaki trailed off and his delight changed into dread.  “Oh wait, this is about that isnt it, Sou-ch- SOU-CHAN! "

Sougo had already joined the group that now encircled Tenn with a manic look on his face. "Must. Defend. Riku" he mumbled over and over again with a dark expression.

"Uhh, Tenten would never hurt Riku though..." Tamaki remarked, but he joined the circle anyway, since it was awkward being the only one out. The only weapon he had on hand is his pudding spoon (Reusable! save the environment :D), so he just uselessly pointed it toward Tenn before he backtracked. "Wait, is the weapon side of the spoon the handle or the... uh, the scooper?"

"The scooper."

"Nah, I vote the handle."

"That’s dumb, the scooper clearly has more surface area."

"Surface area dulls the impact!"

Tenn’s face was completely flat, but his ears were so red hot from impatience, it almost looked like steam would come out of them at any second. 

"Yotsuba-san! Osaka-san! Don’t just suddenly run off like th- ah. The Intruder! " Iori entered the scene and immediately dropped everything he was carrying, pulled out his pepper spray (he has a bottle in every bag he owns) and immediately joined the circle, looking the most hostile of all of them. "Kujou Tenn. I didn’t think the next time we saw each other it would be like this. How the tables have turned."

Tenn scoffed. "You lot won’t foil my plans, especially not you, traitor!" 

Yamato groaned. Why had even Ichi fallen for this bullshit? "This isn’t the Good Night Awesome set guys. And you guys’ roles aren’t even on opposing sides!" 

"We can dream," Iori answered and Tenn just nodded in agreement.

" Wow! This would go very well with the cowboy filter! Yee yee!!" Nagi exclaimed. Turns out, he had been recording the whole scene, only just barely containing his excitement so that he didn’t break the circle formation. 

Tamaki started “hitting” Nagi with his spoon. "Ah, Nagicchi!! No fair!! You were already on trending last week!"

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" Sougo leaned in to look at Tamaki’s phone but Yamato hastily pulled him away.

"Sou.. focus on Tenn, please," Yamato said, completely aware that Tamaki and Nagi’s Tiktok accounts had tons of videos making fun of and/or pranking Sougo. It was for the best that Sougo remained unaware so long as he could hold a drill. 

The video Nagi had on trending last week? It was of Sougo mixing cake dough with his drill because Nagi switched it with the mixer while Sougo wasn’t looking. Sougo laughed it out at first but carried out his revenge in not so subtle ways (It was an intensely tabasco sauce flavored cake). It wasn’t even about the cake getting ruined, but about his drill getting dirty.

"Guys, please keep it together," Iori rolled his eyes, as if he weren’t playing James Bond just a few moments ago. "Ahem. I will not let you harm Nanase's boyfriend. You don’t want me to resort to drastic measures."

"Oh yeah? Try me. I know the law," Tenn threatened back, and with Nagi and Tamaki busy filming, Yamato trying to distract Sougo from Tiktoks and Mitsuki looking like he’d lost 50 years of his lifespan already, it really looked like Tenn would defeat them without having to break a sweat. 

If only Iori had his The Scream mask with him. Maybe he’d have a better chance of beating Tenn one-on-one. Well, not really, but he was counting on the placebo effect.

And that was the moment Re:vale burst through the door.

 


 

"Pppffftt!!! What the hell is this, a dorm or a circus?!" Momo bursts out laughing and Yuki follows suit. And as on the par of course, Yuki almost falls over on his roller blades (which they didn’t take off! Musashi is gonna have to work over time to get those wheel marks clean).

"Trust me, it’s always as hectic as a zoo with us, just without the potential danger to our existence," Yamato answers bitterly and tenn rolls his eyes.

Momo sits Yuki (who’s keeled over from another bout of laughter, which is honestly no help at all) down on the sofa and without hesitance at all, walks to the middle of the satanic circle and pats Tenn’s shoulder. Tenn immediately relaxed. 

"Well, calm down, Tenn. You guys too, put your, uhh.." Momo snorts, and upon hearing that, Yuki is once again immobilized due to the pain of holding back his own fit. Momo’s hands make air quotes. "Your 'weapons' down."

"This is disrespect to the drill!" Sougo objects, but concedes anyway, since he’s the textbook definition of senpai’s pet. The others reluctantly follow.

Now that there were no weapons raised and everything is calm, they took the time to explain all sides of the story to the senior duo, who indeed listened like it’s a serious problem, complete with the sagely nodding and thoughtful humming. They dont seem all that surprised at the staggering number of murder attempts.

"I don’t see the problem with Riku dating honestly, I don’t know why you’re so objected to it, Tenn," Momo says. “I get how you feel, but he’s all grown up now.”

"B-but,” Tenn stammers, “He’s my, he’s always be my baby brother..." Tenn trails off and Sougo vigorously nods in agreement, definitely not sobbing about his sweet summer child. Momo’s face lights up, like he is on to something, and he grabs Tenn’s shoulder reassuringly. He gives Tenn his trusty "You can rely on senpai!" look, which has never not worked. 

"I...." Tenn pauses. the others lean in, because he looks a little out of it, (his cheeks are red??). No one has even seen him make that kind of face before. He seems conflicted. "... Gaku-"

" Tenn! Even if you’ve massacred IDOLiSH7 we’ve got your back!! " Comes a scream and from the front door burst in Ryuu and Gaku who were both panting very hard. The only reason the door hinges haven’t busted yet is because they had them reinforced as Sougo once managed to kick it down in a fit of rage. 

"Ryuu... Gaku..." Tenn can only mumble dumbly in shock. 

Ryuu looks at the scene before him and... was pleasantly surprised at the lack of bloodshed. And also that re:vale was here wearing neon rollerblades for some reason. The bloodstains on their bat, though, he chose to ignore.

Gaku casually pushes through to the middle of the satanic circle and grabs Tenn’s hand, pulling him out from the clutches of the bewildered i7 boys. "Tenn, we’ve come to get you. Come let’s go home.”

"Wait wait, Tenn was just about to say something, at least let him finish it," Yuki pipes up from the couch and the i7 boys nod in agreement, they were very intrigued on what problem could cause such an.. unusual face on Tenn. And they are totally looking for things to gossip about in their discord group.

Tenn sends a very pointed glare at the older man, but he doesn’t seem to notice. Instead, said man is filing his nails like it was none of his business. 

Of course, Ryuu and Gaku would be curious after hearing that, so they each grabbed one of Tenn’s hands and wordlessly reassured him. The others, noticing the slightly weird aura backed off silently, huddling close to each other against a wall, deciding to watch from a safe distance should things go wrong. 

"I... I was mad that Riku didn't tell me, but I was also...." Tenn paused, biting his lip nervously. "I was more worried that," he pauses again, which makes Ryuu get nervous too. He hopes his hand wasn’t sweating too much, he's already been called Mr. Moist Hands more than he’d like.

"That Gaku might like him," Tenn finally finishes, not looking the other two in the eyes.

Gaku, the object of Tenn’s worries, let out a weird noise (sounded like a dying seal), while Ryuu is completely silent. He thought he should let the two resolve it themselves, though he was already wondering what emotion he would feel if the two got together, because that was the vibe he is getting. It’d be a gnarly mix of positive and negative, he concludes, and that living in the same home as them would be like living in hell.

Gaku gulps, he doesn't want to get too carried away so he asks for clarification. "Wh- what do you mean-"

"And for the record," Tenn continues, "I’m also worried that.. Ryuu, you might be in love with  Rokuya Nagi, or something."

"Ehh?? Me? Oh, I’m hono- Ow!! " Mitsuki hits Nagi in the head with his family size ladle, before he could ruin the mood even more. 

"Eh-”

Before Ryuu or Gaku could say anything in protest Tenn quickly says, "So what I mean is..." 

"Is?"

"Is that… I..."

"You?"

"I love you both. In a romantic way. That’s why I was livid. You understand?" Tenn’s speaking so softly at this point, the others have to strain their ears to listen to the Piping Hot Tea. Seeing the two look taken aback, Tenn laughs bitterly. "Heh, its weird, I know-"

"It’s not weird at all because!!!" Ryuu screams, his grip on Tenn’s hand tightens tenfold.

"I cant believe im gonna say this here," Gaku sighs, but his eyes show determination.

The fact that the front door is being opened is completely ignored. "Hey guys how’s-"

"I love you both in a boyfriends way too!!!" "I’ve never wanted to kiss tsumugi, it has always been you two!!" Ryuu and Gaku yell in tandem and the room goes deathly silent. The only sound that breaks it is the sound of Riku dropping his bag in shock at the door. "OT3gger ..... It’s real….."

"Oh my God.... did, did any of you guys capture that on film?" Mitsuki whisper-screams. 

"Damn, I was live tweeting, sorry,” Yamato says, full of regret.

"C-chill guys, I got it," Tamaki says, completely in awe, checking his phone to check if the footage is shaky. 

Momo and Yuki though, they were looking on with fond knowing smiles on their faces like proud parents. Well, setting aside the fact that they look like they’re about to storm Area 51.

The three were now calling out each others names repeatedly like Momo and Yuki do with their husband and wife act, except they were never acting in the first place anyway. No one can even interrupt because the lovey dovey pink aura with the shoujo bubbles is completely surrounding them like a wall and they were in their own world. 

"O.. kay.. this... doesn’t seem like a good time to visit," Touma, who apparently has been standing next to Riku this whole time, finally speaks. 

Immediately Tenn’s brocon radar turns on and he breaks free from Ryuu and Gaku’s vice grips to storm to the front door. "Toummaaaaa Inumaru!!!! How dare you defile my baby brother!!" He pulls out his Riku knife and chases the poor ZOOL leader around the room.

"Wah!! Riku help me!! I’m gonna die!!!" Touma screams, only just barely dodging Tenn’s hands.

"Tenn-nii!! Please stoopp!!" Riku chases behind Tenn.

"Wahahaha!! I’m going on trending again!" Nagi screams and chases after the two with his camera on.

"Nagicchi!! No fair!!!" Tamaki chases after him. 

Iori makes a mad dash to his room and comes back out in his The Screamer mask. "Kujou-san! I will stop you at any cost!"

"Iori! No!" Mitsuki screams, having to physically hold back Iori from an utter rampage.

Sougo has taken residence in a corner mumbling stuff about his sunshine child, as usual and... Re:vale? They were making out on the couch for some reason.  

Gaku and Ryuu are still dealing with the aftershock and are completely incapacitated, standing still in the middle of the room like statues smiling like they’re having the best high of their lives.

There are 7 grown men running around the house, 2 completely frozen in the middle of the room, 2 completely disregarding the fact that this was someone else's living room, meanwhile one is chanting some satanic mantra. Worst of all...  the house is a mess. 

Yamato just drops down to his knees and cries to the heavens. "Dear god. Please. Just off me already."

And thus, we have come to the end, or rather, the beginning of the OT3gger saga.