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Now I Wanna Be Your Dog

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The sun is fucking scorching and somehow it hasn’t rained in weeks. It’s summer— the sky is clear and blue and cloudless, and the four of them are sprawled out in the tall, uncut weeds and grass by the lake in just their wet swim trunks. 

To Sirius’s right, James lies with his arms and legs spread out with no regard for anyone else’s personal space. Next to James, Peter, the lump, is sleeping on his stomach. His back is lobster-red despite the sun blocking potion he’d slathered all over his pudgy body earlier in the afternoon. To Sirius’s left, there’s Remus looking completely nonchalant behind a pair of dark sunglasses. He’s lying on his back with a towel rolled up neatly under his neck like a makeshift oblong pillow, one slender, tanned leg crossed over the other at the knee, kicking his foot to an unknown rhythm. He’s conjured up a paper fan and charmed it to wave back and forth over his face. The few hours at the Potters’ have already streaked his mousy-brown hair with gold and brought out an attractive spattering of freckles over his shoulders and nose. 

Remus is utterly beautiful, and this is not the first time Sirius has noticed. He noticed in fifth year, when Remus told him, James, and Pete he fancied blokes and revealed he’d been discreetly seeing Damien Rosewater, the sixth year Ravenclaw beater. Since then, Sirius had been looking at him differently, like a new world with possibilities he’d never even thought about before had suddenly opened up to him.

He noticed with more enthusiasm later, at the beginning of sixth year, when Remus boarded the Hogwarts Express looking just as tan and freckled as he is now, and taller, with broader shoulders than he had before. He still hadn’t caught up with Sirius in height and he was still skinny as ever, but there was something else that was different— something that had transformed him from a sweet teenage boy into a sort of alluring entity who straddled the chasm between boy and man. Maybe it was confidence. Maybe it was just puberty. Sirius hadn’t known at the time, but he came to discover later that it was sex. 

Remus had spent that previous summer carrying on with a much older boy— a nineteen year old Muggle called William. They’d kept the relationship a secret, and Remus swore they were in love, but things with William ended with a heartbroken Remus crying on Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius, filled with anger and jealousy, fought the temptation to kiss him stupid, and resorted to comforting his distressed friend instead.

“You’re staring, Sirius,” Remus says now without even looking at him, and there is just… something about the way he brushes his curly fringe off of his forehead. The curve of his wrist, the graceful movement, the way his fingers trail back down over his own sweat-slicked neck. Sirius wants to kiss him stupid now— wants to taste those fingers and take that wrist and pin it into the grass above his head and just kiss and kiss and kiss until neither of them can breathe, wants to lick the salt from his neck and make him moan, make him say his name again.

“Yes, well, how can I help myself when you’re lying there half-naked in a puddle of lake water?” Sirius rolls over onto his side and props himself up onto his elbow, smirking lecherously down at his friend. “You’re a literal wet dream.” 

Remus only hums in response and continues kicking his foot.

Sirius has never had a filter and lately it seems he professes his feelings to Remus daily, but he is always brushed off. He knows he isn’t what Remus wants. The blokes Remus carries on with at school are of a completely different type. Sirius is good looking, yes, and cleverer than most, but he is no academic and he is well aware of his immaturity. He could never engage Remus in conversation about iambic pentameter or the Goblin Rebellion or even sit still for five fucking minutes. Remus’s blokes... they are prefects and form study groups. They come from nice families who love them. They are book smart and sophisticated and write poetry and listen to operettas and wear sensible shoes, while Sirius clunks about in his Doc Martens and listens to The Stooges and smokes cigarettes and wears his hair much too long and spends more time serving detention than not. He isn’t someone you bring home to meet mum and dad. Never mind that he has already met Remus’s mum and dad and they both adore him.

“Fine, ignore me. But how about just a quick toss off?” Sirius jokes, falling forward and pressing his face into Remus’s neck. He breathes him in— the scent of grass and tea and summer sweat— and kisses him softly on the corner of his jaw. His hand skitters across Remus’s naked abdomen, moving lower and lower and he swears Remus shivers under his touch, but then Remus smacks his hand and pushes him away. He sits up and gathers his things— the towel, a long abandoned, dog-eared novel, his wand— and flicks the paper fan over to Sirius.

“Take my fan,” he says, not even acknowledging what Sirius has done. “I’m going to have a kip before dinner.” He hops to his feet and wraps the towel loosely around his body. Sirius snatches the fan from the air and watches him sashay away, across the field and back toward the house.

It seems this is the view of Remus he sees most often lately. Sirius will make a move or give a flirty line, and Remus just turns and leaves. He’s becoming increasingly familiar with the way Remus’s shoulders tense up and his annoyed gait. He watches the muscles in his back and legs move, watches his slender hips sway, watches him disappear. He supposes if Remus is this uninterested he should simply leave him be, but Sirius’s thick-headed, unrelenting nature won’t allow him to stop until Remus finally tells him to stop.

“You need to stop,” James mumbles, sitting up and pulling a dandelion that’s gone to seed out of his wild mop of dark hair. He’d thought James was asleep this whole time, not that he really gives a shit whether or not James knows how he feels about Remus. He’s pretty sure he knows anyway— Sirius was never one for subtleties, but then again, James is so bloody oblivious it’s a trait that will probably be passed down to his unfortunate children.

“Stop what?” he asks, tossing the fan onto the grass and looking back to the house. Remus is in there, in the guest room he’s sharing with Peter, probably peeling his wet trunks off. The thought is erotic and exciting. Sirius could casually walk in and catch him naked and vulnerable. He could go in there and kiss him properly, push him onto the bed, do all the dirty things he’s been thinking about. 

He wouldn’t, of course. Not without consent. And Remus won’t let him, anyway.

“Stop fucking with Moony. Pick on someone else, alright?”

“Oh, like you?” Sirius smirks and grabs his wand, flinging a jelly-legs jinx at James just as he’s standing up. He flails and stumbles over Peter’s prone body, and Peter lets out what sounds like a prepubescent squeak. 

“You twat!” James hollers, waving his wand over himself with a finite incantatem . All three boys are suddenly on their feet and running, throwing jinxes and dodging hexes and laughing like mad.  

Eventually, Pokey, one of the Potters’ house-elves, calls them in to eat. Mr and Mrs Potter themselves are vacationing in France for the week and had given James and Sirius permission to have their friends over— with the condition that there were to be no girls, drugs, alcohol, or explosives. The last two had been neglected before Remus and Peter even arrived that afternoon, and the first two are likely to go on ignored as well.

They hurry inside the house, a hurricane of wild, teenage energy. James’s hair is standing on end, and Peter has slug antennae and a scorch mark on his cheek. Sirius is the clear winner of that three-way duel. They trudge up the stairs to their respective rooms to change into dry clothes— Peter to the guest room, Sirius and James to their separate bedrooms. After they’re dressed and Peter has woken Remus up, they file downstairs and into the dining room where Pokey and Grimace, the other elf, are magicking the roast and veggies and gravy and peach cobbler onto the table. They all dig in, and Sirius tries very hard to catch Remus’s attention. He’s sitting right across from him, and Remus hasn’t looked up once. Sirius kicks at him, tangles their feet together, attempts to slide one bare foot over his thigh.

“Moony. Why blow me off when you could just be blowing me?” Sirius asks with an eyebrow waggle. James and Peter chuckle. Remus rolls his hazel eyes and excuses himself from the table, mutters that he’s too full for dessert, then slinks upstairs with slumped shoulders, like a boy who’s much too old for his body. 

James shoots Sirius a look and Sirius shrugs. When they’ve finished their cobbler they go back upstairs to James’s room. Remus protests, but Peter eventually convinces him to join them, and Sirius decides to back off a bit. James is waxing poetic about Lily sodding Evans and the three of them groan, then laugh when Sirius smacks James in the head with a pillow and his glasses fly right off of his face.

“James,” Remus snorts, “you’ve got tan lines from your specs!”

James’s hands fly up as if to conceal the evidence, then he hurries to his mirror, his face frozen in horror as the others only continue laughing. Remus throws his head back and Sirius can’t help but stare at the arch of his neck, the pink flush on his cheeks, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes, his dimples. He laughs and laughs and Sirius’s heart swells.

And it’s so fucking typical of Sirius— the pureblood traitor, the white sheep of the Black family— to not only fall for his best friend but to fall for a half-blood male werewolf. Of course it happened this way. He almost wonders if he’s forcing it on purpose to piss off his family to the fullest extent because what could possibly be worse? But then he looks at Remus, sees that smirk on his face, hears that laugh, and he knows, he knows , it’s not all bullshit. Sirius may not have come from a pious family, but he knows Remus is his god, his religion, his future— he has to be when he worships him so, and he will never give up on making Remus try to understand this too.

Remus eventually blesses Sirius with a smile later that night after they’ve all showered and brushed their teeth. Remus pushes the curls out of his own eyes. His hair is much longer on top than it’s ever been, but Sirius likes it. He wants to run his fingers through it. Instead, Sirius reaches up, tugs on a loose tendril, and tells Remus goodnight. Remus blinks up at him with his honey-coloured eyes and his grin lights up the entire darkened hallway like a lumos maxima. 

“Goodnight, Sirius,” he whispers, chewing on his thumbnail, and before Sirius can do anything stupid like kiss him right there, Remus slips into the guest room and shuts the door. 

He knows when Remus is going to sweep the curls from his eyes or chew on his thumb like that before he even does it and Sirius thinks he may be a little obsessed. He’s thought about these small things, fixates on them behind closed bed curtains at school, in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place, and in his current room at the Potters’ as he touches himself. His mind wanders, and it places himself and his sweet Remus into precarious situations. He imagines what kissing Remus would be like, imagines it’d be soft and wet and taste like chocolate and mischief. He thinks about that soft, wet mouth on his cock, thinks about pinning Remus’s skinny thighs into his mattress and rutting against him until they’re both gasping and trembling and coming, and before Sirius realizes what’s happened, he’s in his room, his hand is sticky, his heartbeat erratic, and he feels fucking terrible for having these dirty thoughts about Remus, like he should ask permission before fantasising.

One day, he thinks, he prays, Remus might want me.

Chapter Text

Pokey and Grimace have already brought the sausage and Belgian waffles and pumpkin juice to the table when Sirius comes stumbling downstairs. He’s the last one up— he’d been awake most of the night, alternating between wanking and working up to his next wank, and he’s absolutely exhausted. He’d wanted to sleep, but his mind wouldn’t shut off.

“Who were you thinking of last night?” Peter asks with a mouthful of food. Grease dribbles down his chin and Sirius watches Remus scrunch up his adorable, freckled nose in disgust.

“What’re you talking about?” He plops himself down next to Remus and reaches for a waffle.

“Might want to use a silencing charm next time.” Remus smiles a little, and maybe he’s blushing too.

“Er, right, sorry. Guess I forgot.”

“So...” Peter starts. “Who was it? Marlene? Merlin, she’s got the nicest set of—”

“No!” Sirius cuts him off. “No. Not Marlene. No. Been there, done that. She’s nothing special.”

“You’re mad. She’s the fittest girl our year!” Peter looks personally offended.

“Looks aren’t everything,” Sirius shrugs.

“She’s no Lily, anyway,” James says with a smirk, gesturing something obscene with his hands in front of his chest.

“Really James, you’re never going to win her over behaving like a Neanderthal.” Remus rolls his eyes as he cuts into his waffle, ever the voice of reason. “Honestly. All of my mates are pigs.”

“Hey now, don’t lump me in with these two imbeciles!” Sirius frowns. He doesn’t want Remus to think of him as just another girl-crazed hormonal fuck-up.

“Says the idiot who was wanking all night,” James cuts in.

“Twat.”

“Mutt.”

“Knobhead.”

“Wanker.”

“Can we stop talking about wanking?” Remus interrupts. “I’m trying to eat.”

“Like you don’t do it,” James points out.

“That is neither here nor there.”

“Don’t worry, Moony,” Sirius says, nudging closer to him. “I was actually thinking of you the whole time. Not a girl after all.”

Peter bursts out laughing and James shakes his head. Remus is just chewing on his waffle, ignoring him. And, of course, Sirius can’t help himself. He has to keep pushing buttons and crossing lines.

“You know, Moony,” he says, fingering the neck of his friend’s t-shirt, grazing Remus’s protruding collarbones. “That shirt is really becoming. Of course, if I were on you, I’d be coming too.” He winks and Remus turns a lovely shade of red. 

“Oh my god, Sirius.” He rolls his eyes, but there’s a hint of a smile there and Sirius thinks, ah, I’ve finally cracked him.

“Yeah, that’s what you’ll be screaming when I finally get you into my bed.”

James and Peter are now both laughing so hard, they’re nearly crying in each other’s arms. Remus looks thoroughly mortified.

“I bet,” Sirius continues, “that I can get you to kiss me by the end of the day.”

Remus just blinks at him. “Why would you even want to bet on that?”

“Because I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

Remus snorts.

“And if you do, Wormy and I will switch rooms and I’ll bunk with you and we can finally be alone.” Sirius waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“I get my own room?” Peter asks, raising his eyebrows. “I’m in. I’m betting on Padfoot.”

“And if I don’t? What do I get?” Remus questions.

“What do you want?”

“You know, I’d like my own room too.” He taps his index finger on his chin, as if deep in thought. “If I win, you have to share a room with Peter.”

“Oh, Padfoot and Wormtail bunking together will be comedy gold!” James laughs.

“Not only a room,” Remus goes on. “I’m rather comfortable where I am, you see. I don’t want to switch rooms, and I don’t necessarily fancy sleeping where you wank. If I win, you’re sharing your bed with Peter.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Peter asks.

“No,” Remus and James reply in unison.

Sirius crosses his arms. “Peter farts in his sleep, how is that fair?”

“What, afraid you’ll lose?” Remus flirtatiously bats his long eyelashes. “Think I’ll continue to resist your charms?”

“Okay, fine. If you snog me by the end of the day, I move in with you and Wormy gets my room. If we don’t, you get the guest room to yourself and I share a bed with Wormy.”

“This is, by far, the weirdest and most pointless bet we have ever made,” Remus says, shrugging.

“I hate this,” Peter frowns.

“I love this,” James says, and shoves a finger between his face and glasses to wipe a happy tear from his eye.

“Shake?”

They shake. In the end, Peter is rooting for Sirius and, even though James has no dog in the fight, he’s rooting for Remus just for the sheer hilarity and photo opportunities that will surely arise from Sirius and Peter sharing a bed.

 

After they finish breakfast, they get dressed and head outside. James suggests they go into town and visit the record store, and Sirius is all too willing to oblige. The store is too far to walk though, so they catch the Muggle bus instead. 

The heat is excruciating, and the air is even thicker and wetter on the crowded bus. Sirius’s t-shirt is damp and clinging to his back in a rather unpleasant way, but he still can’t resist being in Remus’s space. He is, of course, well aware of their bet, so he slides into the seat next to Remus and pins his friend with a half-lidded stare that has never failed to hook a girl.

“Moony,” he says. 

Remus is busy looking out of the window, resting his forehead on the glass.

“Yeah?”

“Look at me.”

Remus pivots in his seat with an expression that says he’s fully prepared for whatever idiotic thing Sirius is going to say, and Sirius just spreads it on thick.

“Did you grow up on a farm?”

“What?” Remus raises an eyebrow. Of course Sirius is well aware that Remus most definitely did not grow up on a farm, but that’s beside the point.

“Because you sure know how to raise a cock.”

Remus snorts and covers his face with his hands. He’s too lovely to even handle, especially when he’s laughing. “You’re absolutely exasperating, you know.”

“I know a lot of things.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Remus rests the back of his head against the window and chews on his thumbnail, still looking at Sirius. Beads of sweat are dotting his hairline and glistening above his lip and Sirius can’t resist it.

“Like... how fucking cute you are,” Sirius says, smirking and leaning toward Remus. His fingers inch closer and touch his thigh. He squeezes. He’s so close now, centimeters away from a kiss, but the bus brakes abruptly, they clonk heads, and Remus bursts into laughter.

“It’s never going to happen,” Remus says with a cheeky smile. “Especially in public.”

“So my chances go up if I get you alone?” Sirius asks hopefully, rubbing his forehead.

“Infinitesimally,” Remus bites his lip and Sirius throws his arm around him.

“Alright, lovebirds, this is us,” James announces after a few more stops and smacks Sirius on the back of the head.

“Oi!” Sirius leaps up to pummel his friend and the four boys all shuffle off of the bus.

They have to walk a block to get to the record store, so Sirius tries a more subtle approach. Maybe dick jokes and exhibitionism don’t turn Remus on. Maybe he needs to be romanced. He reaches for Remus’s hand and when Remus doesn’t snatch it away or make a smart-arsed remark, Sirius laces their fingers together and holds on tightly. Remus peeks at him from the corner of his dark-lashed eye, but he lets it go on without comment and they walk on, hand in hand.

He knows how it looks, two blokes holding hands out in the open. He knows Remus has had to hide too many parts of who he is, and maybe Sirius is the same way. He hides the Black blood inside him, stows away the inner Slytherin, but he doesn’t want to hide this. He wants to hold Remus’s delicate hand and kiss him in front of strangers and stand on top of the staff table in the Great Hall back at Hogwarts and announce his undying devotion to Remus John Lupin, and it’s utterly unfair how cruel and prejudiced the world is. It’s utterly unfair that Remus doesn’t want him.

They step into the store and the little bell above the door dings to announce their arrival as a blast of extremely welcomed cold air rushes over Sirius’s face. The shop clerk looks up and says hello, then glances at their joined hands. Sirius hopes it won’t be a problem and Remus doesn’t even notice. James and Peter have been snickering relentlessly, but Sirius ignores them and pulls Remus over to the vast expanse of vinyl before them. 

By the time they make it to the S section, they’re still holding hands and hovering over each other, just talking and laughing. Remus contemplates a Patti Smith album for a long time and Sirius finally finds The Stooges’ first album to round off his collection. He doesn’t think anything is as perfect as Raw Power (aside from maybe the boy holding his hand), but he’s desperate to hear it anyway.

“The Stooges again?” Remus asks, leaning his head on Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius frowns. He thinks maybe he should look for something a little more sophisticated because the most cultured thing in his record cabinet is A Night at the Opera , and he’s trying really hard to win Remus over.

“I like The Stooges,” Sirius says, and slides the album into the spot where he found it.

“Me too,” Remus whispers. His breath is warm on Sirius’s neck and he plucks the record back up. “Get it.”

This means something, but Sirius isn’t sure what exactly. He walks with Remus to check out and offers to pay for Remus’s Horses , and the guy at the register fixes them with a look. 

“You two together?” he asks, taking Sirius’s money. He can’t be much older than them. He’s got shaggy blue hair that is shaved on one side, a silver hoop in his right ear, and his crooked name tag says DIEGO in all capitals. Remus drops Sirius’s hand suddenly, as if he’s made of hot iron.

“Oh god, no,” Remus laughs nervously, and nudges Sirius away. “We’re just friends. He’s straight.”

The guy hands Sirius his change and smiles at Remus, and Sirius knows that look. That’s how he looks at Remus. He’s feeling territorial, so he grabs for Remus’s hand again, but he’s swatted away. He turns around to find James and Peter because he needs backup, but they’re fully engrossed in looking at girly magazines in the corner.

“So you’re single then?” the guy asks Remus, leaning over the register. Remus rests his elbows on the counter and he’s fucking flirting with this bloke right in front of him.

“Can we go?” Sirius hollers across the shop to the two other boys and tucks the records under his arm. They put the magazines back and start for the door. “Moony? Come on.”

“I’ll be there in a moment, Sirius. Honestly,” he and the blue haired git laugh and go back to their conversation. A scrap of paper with a number scrawled on it is passed to Remus and he pockets it. Finally, he says goodbye and they’re on their way.

“Do you even know how to use a telly-phone?” Sirius asks once they’re outside. He scowls and reaches into his back pocket for his cigarettes and lights one with a match.

“Of course I do. We’ve got one at home. My mum uses it to talk to her family.”

“Did that weird bloke try to pick up Moony?” Peter asks.

“I can’t believe you pushed me away like that,” Sirius huffs, ignoring Peter and pinching the cig between his teeth. “Like the thought of being with me is that bloody awful.”

“Aww, Moony, you hurt his feelings!” James grins. Sirius elbows him in the ribs. “Oi!”

“Oh Sirius, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just... it’s nice to flirt with someone who actually means it.” He reaches up and plucks the cigarette from Sirius’s lips, then takes a deep drag himself. Sirius stares at the way the cigarette sits between his lips, watches the smoke unfurl around his face, and he swallows. He files the memory away for later use.

“He’s not even your type,” Sirius says, taking the cigarette back from him.

“You have no idea what my type is.”

“Not blue haired gits.”

“You lads hungry?” Peter points up at a diner called Diane’s where there’s a picture of some sort of pie in the window.

They stop for a late lunch and Sirius has nothing to contribute to the conversation. He’s across from Remus but he doesn’t meet his eye. He doesn’t kick at his feet. He doesn’t make any snarky remarks either of a sexual nature or otherwise. He pushes the food around on his plate while his friends joke and laugh and he can’t help but picture Remus with the blue haired git. Sirius imagines the two of them happy and kissing and he wonders if he’ll ever get over this ridiculous crush. He wonders if he could ever be okay with his friend dating someone else ever again. Maybe he should just try to let it go. 

He glances at Remus finally and his heart flutters at the sight of him attempting to eat a slice of chocolate cake bigger than his face. Sirius reaches over with his own fork and snags a bite, and Remus looks back at him, pushes the long curls out of his eyes, and smiles.

And he can’t let him go. Not ever.

 

When they get back to the Potters’, Sirius heads straight for his room. He hasn’t said more than a handful of words since the diner and he really can’t bear the pretense of happiness at the moment. He’s lying there on his bed alone for a while when a knock on his door interrupts him from his melancholia. 

“Pads?” James cracks the door open and pokes his head inside. “You alright, mate?”

“Nah, not really,” he admits, “but you can come in.”

James steps into the room and closes the door behind him, then settles himself at the foot of the bed. 

“What’s going on? Are you really that upset over Moony snubbing you?”

“Of course I am. How would you feel if Evans was flirting with some goofy looking git right in front of you?”

“I mean... but that’s completely different. I’m in love with her and—“

“Yes, exactly.”

James blinks. “Wait. What?”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

“Of course I didn’t— oh .”

A smile slowly creeps across James’s face and suddenly he’s snickering and shaking his head. Sirius sits up and narrows his eyes.

“What?”

“You almost had me going for a second there! You love Moony.” He snorts. “That’s too good, wow. Use that line on him, maybe you’ll win your bet.”

“This isn’t about the bet!” Sirius’s throws his hands up. “Why does nobody take me seriously?”

“Because you’re never serious?” James is still chuckling, and Sirius wants him to leave. “Come on,” he says, nudging Sirius’s shoulder with his own. “You’re just bored. Let’s go swimming. Maybe you can convince Remus to skinny-dip.” He’s got himself cackling like Peeves now, and eventually Sirius thinks enough is enough and physically throws the hedgehog haired idiot out himself.

After sulking and fidgeting for a while, Sirius remembers he doesn’t want to share a bed with Peter so he attempts to plan his next strategic maneuver but comes up with nothing. Perhaps he can smooth-talk his way out of the bet, but of course that means putting on a façade and playing that he’s doing wonderfully. 

 

By the time he gets his shit together, he’s missed out on swimming and everyone is hungry again, so they eat and afterward the boys help Pokey and Grimace clean up. Remus is going on about Horses and how Patti Smith is this amazing poet and he’s excited to listen to her album in full. Aha , Sirius thinks. He knows what will get Remus up to his room so they can be alone. Back to his plan before the record store fiasco— romance. Music and alcohol, of course. That would always work for him anyway.

“Moony,” he says, turning to his friend. “Let’s go listen to Patti and leave these losers to their house-elfery.”

‘Elfery’ is not a word,” Remus smirks. “But alright.” He passes a dinner plate to Peter who gives Sirius a thumbs up (he really wants his own room), and Sirius discreetly nicks two bottles of wine on their way through the house.

Remus stops at the guest room to get Horses , then they make their way to Sirius’s. Sirius shuts the door behind them and only turns on one lamp so that the atmosphere is dim and romantic, and thankfully Remus makes no comment on this. He removes the cellophane wrapping from the new record and places the vinyl gingerly on Sirius’s turntable, sets the needle, and flops down onto the bed as the first track plays. 

Sirius takes a steadying breath. Remus is on his bed, one leg bent at the knee, and in this light he looks like some sort of enchanted forest nymph. Sirius lies down beside him and they’re so close he could die. He reveals the wine and grins, uncorking one bottle with his wand.

“Evidently, I forgot to nick glasses,” he admits, but Remus just shrugs and takes a swig from the bottle. Sirius watches his throat as Remus drinks, the stray drop of red on his mouth as he pulls the bottle away, and his little pink tongue that darts out to chase it. Sirius presses his lips together. He holds himself back. He doesn’t want to scare Remus away. He’s got to work up to the inevitable snogging. He’s got to make Remus comfortable. They pass the bottle back and forth and listen to Patti go on about suicide and love and a lot of things that confuse him, but Remus seems to dig it. They make idle chatter, but they’re mostly silent as they listen to the music. Sirius decides that this Patti bird is pretty decent.

“You didn’t really like that bloke today, did you?” Sirius asks suddenly, long after the record has been flipped to side B, and Remus shrugs.

“He was sweet. Good looking, too. It’s nice to feel wanted, especially after the whole William fiasco.”

“But you are wanted. I want you.”

“Okay,” he mumbles emotionlessly, taking a sip of wine and brushing Sirius off again.

“He wasn’t that good looking,” Sirius argues, snatching the bottle and downing the last few gulps. He tosses the bottle away and it lands with a clunk on the shaggy rug.

“He had his own charm,” Remus says. “We can’t all be as unequivocally gorgeous as you, you know.”

“Gorgeous, huh?” Sirius smirks and moves closer to him.

“Shut up. You know you’re attractive.”

The one-sided sexual tension is driving him mad. They’ve polished off both bottles of wine and Sirius is feeling more than a bit tipsy. He’s lying on his side, staring at Remus’s profile, admiring the long slope of his nose when he reaches over to touch him. 

His fingers flutter over Remus’s chest, linger on his neck, and he presses his mouth to the sharp angle of Remus’s jaw. Remus seems to ignore him for a time, but when Sirius sucks the sensitive skin of his neck he sighs, and when Sirius moves his hand down, past his stomach, he swiftly grabs ahold of Sirius’s wrist.

“Moony,” Sirius breathes, hooking a foot around Remus’s leg. “Come on.”

“What do you want, Sirius?” Remus asks, rolling onto his side and sliding his hand over Sirius’s crotch. “This?” Sirius is instantly aroused, and cants his hips forward into the touch.

“Yeah,” he croaks, and suddenly Remus is unbuttoning Sirius’s denims, pushing them down a bit, and slipping his hand inside his pants. Sirius blinks, unsure how this escalated so abruptly, but he’s more than willing to take the offer. Remus’s warm fingers curl around his erection and Sirius’s brain shuts off. He tries to say something, anything, but all that comes out is “ Nnnghh .”

Remus strokes Sirius with one skilled, calloused hand. He squeezes gently, and Sirius aches to touch him too. He reaches for him, but Remus pushes Sirius onto his back and straddles his thighs, pinning him down with his legs, his left hand pressed against Sirius’s chest. 

“Just relax,” Remus whispers.

Sirius tries not to think about how much practice he’s clearly had— he doesn’t want to ruin this moment. Remus, his Remus , is finally touching him, and real life is better than anything he’s ever fantasised. Remus knows what he’s doing when he touches Sirius right there and swipes his thumb over the head of his cock just so. Sirius reaches a hand up and brushes the hair from Remus’s eyes to better see his flushed face, and Remus just stares back at him as he moves lower. Their eyes are locked onto each other as Remus parts his lips and takes Sirius’s cock into his mouth. Sirius’s mouth falls open, letting out a strangled moan. He can’t help but thrust his hips upward, but Remus holds them in place. 

“Remus...” he whimpers, writhing on the bed. He’s already so close. Just the fact that it’s Remus doing this has him turned on beyond belief. He tugs on Remus’s hair in warning, but Remus hums, low and deep, and the vibrations rip through his body. The record stops. Sirius cries out and spills into Remus’s beautiful mouth, and Remus just swallows him all down like it’s nothing. Gently, after a few tender laps with his tongue and an overstimulated whimper from Sirius, Remus pulls his mouth away and licks his bottom lip. He looks completely debauched, hair a mess, mouth wet and bright red, and this is another memory for Sirius to file away for later. Sirius doesn’t think he’s ever come so hard or so quickly, and he’s thoroughly mortified.

“Shit... sorry, Moony.” He pulls his denims up, tucking himself back in. “I, um— hah, well, that’s embarrassing.”

“It’s okay,” Remus whispers. He looks away and grabs his wand, then cleans up some of the mess. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Sirius realizes his friend has misunderstood. Doing this with Remus isn’t embarrassing— his lack of stamina is.

“I’m not—”

“It’s okay,” Remus says again. “I know. Look, don’t worry about the bet. You don’t really have to share a bed with Pete.”

“Um... didn’t I just win?” Sirius sits up.

“I never kissed you.” Remus stands, and the tent in his trousers is hard to miss. He makes an attempt to adjust himself, to no avail. “I don’t want you in my room.”

“Why not? Do you want me to—” Sirius reaches out to him, fingers just grazing his hip. He’d be happy to return the favor if Remus would let him, but the boy backs away toward the door.

“No. Can we just forget this happened? We’re both embarrassed.”

“Just stay!” Sirius rises and steps toward him.

“No!” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “I’m going to bed. Please... don’t follow me.” 

Remus turns and exits the bedroom, and Sirius is even more confused than he was before. For a moment, he was beginning to think Remus wanted him too, but that fantasy flew out of the door behind Remus, leaving Sirius with a painful punch to the gut.

Chapter Text

At this point, Sirius is exhausted. It’s been two nights in a row with very little sleep, all thanks to one extremely confusing werewolf. He can’t decide if Remus hates him or is just angry with him, but he knows he needs to fix this immediately. He follows Remus into the bathroom the next morning and Remus frowns, pulling at a loose thread on his battered Velvet Underground t-shirt.

“What do you want?” he asks quietly.

“I just want to talk to you. About last night.”

Remus sighs. “I thought we agreed that it never happened.”

“But it did. How am I supposed to forget—”

“It’s alright, Sirius. One blowjob from a bloke doesn’t make you queer!” Remus snaps, and if he wasn’t avoiding eye contact, he might’ve been believable. “Besides, you didn’t do anything— it was me.”

“I egged you on.”

“And you see what happened! This is precisely why I need you to stop. I can’t... it’s very difficult to...”

“To what?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that and I feel horrible. I shouldn’t blame you. I’m so sorry.”

“Moony, stop apologizing! You didn’t take advantage of me! I wanted it! I was practically begging—”

“Right then. Well. Like I said, it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t make you gay.”

“But—”

“Sirius, if you don’t mind, I really have to pee. I’ve got a whole bottle of wine in my bladder, it feels as if a hippogriff has trampled my brain, and—”

“Fine,” Sirius mumbles with a huff of indignation. He stomps out of the bathroom and slams the door. Peter is standing in the hallway holding his toothbrush and a towel and looking embarrassed, like he’s been caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

“How much of that did you hear?” Sirius asks, cocking an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Enough to blackmail you if I needed to,” Peter says, puffing his chest up in an attempt to look intimidating. He fails miserably and just looks like a blond blowfish with indigestion instead. 

It’s not as if Sirius cares, so he just shrugs and heads downstairs with Peter trailing him. 

“Wait,” Peter grabs his arm halfway down and Sirius whirls around. “Did you really— er—”

“Look mate, I don’t give a damn what you know about me, but I’m not going to tell you Moony’s business,” Sirius states rather bluntly and continues on his way. He collapses down into the dining chair next to James and reaches for a piece of toast. Peter remains silent and loads a plate up with bacon.

Remus enters the room after a few minutes and takes the chair across from Sirius. Sirius finally notices how tired he looks in the daylight— prominent dark, puffy bags sit under his eyes as if he’d been tossing and turning all night as well. Sirius guiltily pours a mug of coffee and hands it to Remus who mumbles a soft ‘thank you’ and adds cream and sugar. He doesn’t want to be the cause of Remus’s regret. He doesn’t want Remus to feel bad about what they did, but he clearly does.

“I owled a few of the girls,” James announces proudly, biting into a sausage. “Lily, Marlene, Mary, and Dorcas. They want to sleep over and go dancing, I guess.”

“Marlene?” Peter lights up. He’s had a crush on Marlene since even before Sirius dated her last year. 

That entire thing had been an epic mistake. Sirius and Marlene were both wild and volatile, and while most of their peers thought they were well-matched, their relationship was all fighting and fucking without any real substance. He found Marlene incredibly sexy, but also needy and demanding. She wanted constant attention and she’d get inexplicably angry when Sirius cancelled dates and blew her off for a prank or studying with Remus. To be fair to her though, Sirius hadn't been very invested in their relationship, and much preferred spending time with his friends over some girl anyway— so that had ended disastrously. Needless to say, Sirius makes a point to avoid her as much as humanly possible.

Sirius groans at James’s proclamation; Remus rolls his eyes as he sips his coffee. Remus doesn’t much care for Marlene either, though Sirius doesn’t know exactly what his reasoning is.

“She’s part of the group,” James points out, shrugging. “I thought it could be like a quadruple date.”

“I’m gay,” Remus says bluntly.

“Yes, well—”

“I’ll be your date, Moony,” Sirius grins, and Peter’s blue eyes immediately dart back and forth between the two of them like he’s suddenly realising something that’s been right in front of his face the entire time.

“But you’re supposed to be Marlene’s date,” James protests. “Mate, I only did this to get you out of your funk. A little appreciation would be nice.”

“I don’t like Marlene. I like Moony.”

Remus rolls his eyes again.

“I’ll take Marlene,” Peter interjects.

“You’re supposed to be with Mary!” James whines.

“Why?” Peter asks. “She’s fat!”

“You’re fat,” Sirius snorts. “What do you care? Don’t be a hypocrite.”

“Hey, fuck you!”

“So I’m supposed to be with Dorcas? That’s not very fair to her,” Remus laughs and munches his toast. “I’d rather go with Lily.”

“Watch yourself, Moony,” James warns.

“I’m gaaaay,” he reiterates, drawing it out like James is slow. “Lily is my best female friend. I’m not trying to shag her.”

“This is a mess,” Sirius sighs, throwing his hands up. “Pete, take Marlene. You have my blessing.”

“No offense Pete, but Marlene is way out of your league,” James says.

“Wow, rude. I’ll remember that.”

“How about,” Remus offers, “we all just go. And it’s not a quadruple date, it’s just a bunch of friends hanging out.”

“Yes. And if people wanna pair up, they can,” Sirius adds, and Remus gives him a small, approving smile.

“Exactly.”

 

The girls arrive just after noon with their overnight bags, and it looks as if they’ve packed enough for weeks. James is immediately circling Lily like a vulture on a carcass and she’s probably already regretting agreeing to come over. She greets Remus with a hug and a kiss on his cheek and she’s talking to him in a low voice. Remus says something and shrugs one shoulder. She frowns and starts to respond, but James is crowding her and everyone is trying to hug everyone else hello and it’s just too many teenagers in the parlour.

“Hi, Sirius,” Marlene practically purrs with her saccharine-sweet pink-lipsticked smile. She’s so full of shit though. This girl is not sweet.

“Marly,” he answers with a nod.

“You’re looking good,” she says and runs her fingers through her long blonde hair.

“Yeah, you are too,” he admits, giving her a once over. And it’s true, she is, but she always looks phenomenal and she knows it. Her top is cut low with no sign of a bra underneath, and Sirius can’t help but wonder if she did that to get his attention because it’s certainly working.

Marlene presses her body right up against him and he wraps one arm around her. It’s the weirdest hug ever, but she tilts her head back and kisses the side of his mouth. This is comfortable and familiar and even though he doesn’t want to, he can see himself slipping into old routines with her.

Someone coughs and Sirius looks up. Remus is glaring daggers at him, and he feels like shit all over again. He drops his arm and pulls away from Marlene. Remus has no right to be angry, really. He made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want Sirius, so what’s his problem?

“So... question,” Peter starts, interrupting his thoughts. “Who’s sleeping where now?”

“Well, we have a few options,” James replies. The girls can take the guest room, and you and Moony will have to split up and bunk with me and Sirius with sleeping bags. Or the girls and boys could all pair up and each take a bed.” He says the last part with a wink in Lily’s direction.

“If I’m sharing a room with any boy, it’ll be with Remus,” she says haughtily.

“Me too,” says Mary.

“Yeah,” Dorcas agrees.

“Why do gay blokes get all the girls?” James pouts. “What the hell, Remus?”

“Because he’s not trying to get in our knickers,” Lily laughs.

“Well, I don’t mind sharing with Sirius.” Marlene slinks her arms around his waist, batting her long eyelashes. Sirius rolls his eyes but doesn’t push her off.

“We can sort it out later,” Dorcas says, bouncing on her toes. “I heard there’s a lake. It’s hot and I want to swim.” 

The gang splits up and everyone goes to change into their swimsuits. They congregate in the hallway with towels then file outside, straight to the lake. Lily’s the best at sun-blocking charms, probably because she’s so fair-skinned and has had plenty of practice, so she takes care of covering everyone thoroughly, tutting when she comes to Peter. His back is still bright red from the other day’s failed potion.

There’s a willow with a rope tied up into it right by the water’s edge, and James and Sirius make a mad dash for it. They’ve both spent days perfecting their flamboyant leaps and dives into the lake, and now is the ideal opportunity to show off. Their friends are all clapping and hollering in encouragement. James tosses his glasses down to the ground, takes hold of the rope and runs with it, swooping down and dropping himself into the water. He comes up laughing and splashing, then it’s Sirius’s turn. He forgoes the rope and climbs up the tree like a kneazle, runs across a thick branch, then leaps with his arms around his knees and cannonballs into the lake right beside James, knocking him sideways. The two boys wrestle in the water and dunk one another, and before long the girls and Remus are giggling and swinging from the rope, and Peter has attempted a flip of some sort but ends up painfully belly-flopping instead. His front now matches his red back.

Sirius attempts to pull Remus into a headlock, and Remus fights him off. He shoves Sirius under the water and scrambles away, but Sirius is quick and catches him. He’s got his arms around Remus’s middle, smiling devilishly, and Remus spits water out of his mouth into Sirius’s face and laughs, swimming away again when Sirius releases him to wipe his face. Sirius chases him onto the shore and up into the willow and they’re dangling from a branch, trying to pull one another off with just their legs.

“There’s a spider on your shoulder,” Remus says, scrunching his nose in disgust, and Sirius yelps and falls into the water. Remus is cackling, but Sirius grabs his ankle and pulls him down into the water again. 

“You think you’re hilarious, don’t you?” Sirius asks, tickling the other boy’s ribs. 

“Yes!” Remus laughs and squirms, but Sirius doesn’t let go. Remus has got tears in his eyes from laughing so hard and Sirius remembers how badly he wants to kiss his friend. 

Sirius glances around. Everyone is playing and splashing and ignoring them right now. He stares at Remus fondly as he ceases his torture, moves his hands down to his skinny hips, over his arse, and squeezes.

“Sirius...” Remus warns, and hisses when Sirius presses their groins together. “What are you doing?”

“Come on, nobody’s watching. How am I supposed to forget last night? You were into it.”

Remus sighs. “We were drunk. It was a mistake. You don’t want—“

Marlene’s head pops up out of the water beside them and both boys shriek and jump away from one another. 

“Hi boys,” she says, then turns to Sirius. “I need your help.” She tugs on his arm and he follows her, but he’s watching Remus crawl out of the lake and sit beside Lily, water dripping from his hair and down his lithe, tanned body. Mary and Dorcas look like they’re attempting to catch bowtruckles or butterflies, and James and Peter are busy constructing a very precarious looking diving board in the willow. Sirius isn’t sure where the extra wood came from, but the planks are suspiciously painted the same blue hue as the siding of Mr Potter’s tool shed.

“What do you need me for?” Sirius asks, looking back to Marlene. She smirks and reaches behind herself, then unties her white bikini top. She tosses it aside, and Sirius watches it float away.

“Don’t act like you don’t miss me, Sirius,” she says, and presses her body against his. “God, you’re already hard.”

Not because of you , Sirius thinks, looking over at Remus. He’s scowling, and Lily is saying something to him and he’s shaking his head. Sirius glances up at the tree to James and Peter and they’re both staring at Marlene, slack-jawed. Peter looks as if he’s about to wet himself, the poor sod.

“Everyone can see your tits, Marlene!” Sirius reaches out and covers her breasts with his hands. He wants to push her away, but he wants to conceal her nudity at the same time.

“I know. Potter and Pettigrew wish they were you right now.”

“Come on, put your shit back on. What’re you playing at?”

“I’ve missed you. We were really great together, you know.” Her hands are moving down his body, slipping into his trunks.

“Fuck,” he breathes, sliding one arm around her waist as she grabs hold of his cock.

She giggles stupidly and kisses him, nipping at his bottom lip. “I’m willing if you are.”

Marlene starts to stroke him and Sirius groans, closing his eyes. He thrusts into her hand half-heartedly as she kisses his neck. He doesn’t want her, not anymore, but this feels too fucking good and it’s been much too long since he’s been properly laid. The thing with Remus was only a tease compared to—

“Shit,” Sirius whispers, and his eyes snap open. He pulls away from her and whips his head around to find Remus, but everyone is gone. How long had he been spaced out? “Shit!”

“What the fuck, Black?”

“Just leave me alone, would you!” Sirius growls at her, adjusting his trunks. His erection is already subsiding. He hurries out of the lake and snatches up his wand, then casts a drying charm over himself. He runs, bare feet flying across the high grass, up the back steps, and into the house.

Everyone is in the dining room sitting around the table when he bursts in, their faces stricken with obvious second-hand embarrassment. 

“Remus,” Sirius says looking around, slightly out of breath. Remus is not there.

“He left,” Lily states, not meeting his eyes.

“Said he needed to do something in town,” James adds.

“What does he need to do? Where did he go?”

“Hell if I know, mate. I’m not his mum.”

“What do you care, anyway?” Lily asks, freckled arms folded over her chest. Sirius opens his mouth to answer, but Marlene steps into the room from the back door. Thankfully she’s wearing her entire swimsuit again.

“God, what are you? Gay?” she huffs, pushing past him, then stomps up the stairs, presumably to the guest room.

Peter looks as if his head might explode, but doesn’t say anything. In fact, nobody says anything for a long time, and the silence is awkward as hell. Pokey and Grimace finally, thankfully, announce that dinner is ready and everyone digs into the shepherd’s pie and garden salad and raspberry tarts and they’re all happy and chatting again. Marlene eventually joins them, but she’s in a foul mood and stabs at her food in silence. 

The sleeping arrangements are decided— the girls don’t mind sharing beds with one another, so it’s Lily and Mary in one of the guest beds and Marlene and Dorcas in the other. Peter is acting dodgy, so Sirius volunteers Remus to sleep in his room and maybe it’s a mistake because Lily shoots him her trademarked green-eyed death glare, but that’s just what his life is. Impulsive behavior. Rash decisions. Mistakes and regrets. Sirius wishes he could turn it off, lock it up, act fucking normal, but his brain is always overthinking and his heartbeat is always erratic and he’s always twitching twitching twitching.

Remus finally turns up and barely glances at Sirius when he informs him of the sleeping situation. He just hums and loads his plate with food then quietly digs in.

After they go through several bottles of liquor between the eight of them, Mary suggests a lighthearted game of spin the bottle, but Remus doesn’t want to participate, and if he doesn’t play, then Sirius doesn’t, and if Sirius doesn’t, Marlene doesn’t, and if Marlene doesn’t, Peter doesn’t, and James only wants to kiss Lily and Lily doesn’t want to kiss anyone, so that idea is thrown out. Sirius feels like he’s ruined the evening, so he heads to his room to lie down with a bottle of fire whiskey while the others decide to stay up and watch a Muggle film. 

Sirius downs half of the bottle then falls asleep. He dreams of Remus climbing into his bed and pressing his naked body up against him, dreams of running his fingers through silky hair and tasting sun-kissed skin, dreams of soft hands on his body and how that beautiful pink mouth felt on his cock last night, dreams of the way they dangled from the willow with Remus’s legs wrapped around him. He dreams with so much detail that it almost feels real when he comes.

 

When he wakes in the morning, he’s nude and his head is pounding. There’s a warm body pressed against his back. He rolls over, wondering briefly if Remus decided to share the bed last night, but he finds Marlene sleeping soundly with one arm draped over his side. Remus isn’t in the room— there’s no sign of him at all. He didn’t sleep here. Marlene did. Nausea rolls over Sirius like a wave when he realizes what he’s done, and he makes a run for the bathroom across the hall then wretches violently into the toilet. 

Chapter Text

After Sirius quietly gets dressed and downs a pepper-up potion, he pads downstairs and finds most of the gang at the dining table. Peter is pouting into a bowl of porridge. Remus is resting his head on his hand, elbow on the table, stabbing dejectedly at his eggs with a fork. Sirius’s stomach sinks. He's not much in the mood for eating.

“Good morning,” Sirius says to the room. Remus doesn’t look up. Neither does Peter. The girls look mortified.

“Morning!” James hollers cheerily. “Have fun with Marly last night?” He starts to chuckle, but stops when Lily elbows him in the ribs, making him wince.

“Not really.” He turns to Remus, lifting an arm to scratch the back of his head. “I thought you were going to sleep in my room.” He takes the seat across from him and nudges his shin with his toe.

“I shared with Lily.” He sets his fork down. “Didn’t want to interrupt your private time with Marlene.”

“Marlene? I don’t give a fuck about Marlene.”

“You don’t care about the people you fool around with?” He pins Sirius with a glare that rivals Lily’s. “Right. Noted.” 

Remus stands up just as Marlene enters the room wearing one of Sirius’s t-shirts. She kisses him on the cheek and everyone is visibly uncomfortable. Remus excuses himself and heads upstairs. Sirius pushes Marlene away and starts to follow, but Lily is quick to beat him to the punch.

“What’s his problem?” Marlene asks, rolling her eyes. “What a drama queen.”

“You’re one to talk,” Sirius snaps at her, but she just huffs and settles into a chair. 

This is all such a nightmare. Sirius is already wishing for summer to be over and done with.

 

Later, the girls spend hours getting dressed in glittering sequins and vibrant satin, teasing their hair to copy Farrah Fawcett’s, and shellacking their faces with thick layers of makeup. It’s the oddest mating ritual. Sirius doesn’t understand the point of it all and prefers a more natural look, but he supposes they’re free to do what they want. It's not as if he's interested anyway. 

Sirius opts for his usual attire, despite the heat— black leather jacket over a faded Bowie t-shirt, slim blue denims, and heavy black boots on his feet. He doesn’t need to make a fuss. James and Peter look just as ridiculous as the girls. They’re both wearing flared polyester trousers and hideous patterned button-ups, and Sirius is taking the piss when Remus finally descends the stairs with Lily.

He doesn’t look too different tonight, but his hair has been cut— trimmed on the sides, but still curly on top and long enough to run fingers through. He’s forgone the offensively bright colors of their friends, choosing instead a wide-legged brown suit that fits his arse so well he could stop traffic. The girls whistle and clap enthusiastically and his cheeks pink as he fiddles awkwardly with the cuff of a sleeve. 

Honestly, it should be illegal for one person to be this disarmingly adorable, Sirius thinks. 

Remus’s eyes flash over to Sirius when Lily whispers something in his ear. He looks away quickly and gives her a small smile, shrugging his shoulders. Sirius wonders what they’re being secretive about. He wonders if Remus told her about what they did and that’s why she’s being so cold to him. She never was Sirius’s biggest fan to begin with, and hurting Remus in any way would certainly lower her tolerance for his ridiculous behavior even further.

 

They all load themselves onto the Muggle bus and head into town for the discotheque. Sirius makes an attempt to sit next to Remus, but Marlene pushes him onto a bench and takes the seat beside him. He glances around her, across the aisle to Peter who is visibly upset, then frowns sympathetically. They both know what it’s like to not be able to be with the person they want most, but he thinks Peter probably has it worse. Sirius usually gets what he wants without much effort. Peter is used to the disappointment. Sirius turns around, kneeling in his seat to face Remus and Lily. He gives her a wink, then pokes Remus on the shoulder.

“I like your hair.”

Remus looks up at him with a sideways smile. “Thanks. Lily did it.”

“Nice job, Evans.”

“Thanks, Black. Should let me take care of yours as well.”

“And risk you hexing me bald? Ha!” Sirius laughs. “Not a chance. Half of my sex appeal is in my hair!”

Remus covers his mouth and lets out a little snort.

“What’s so funny?” Sirius asks, poking him again.

“Nothing, just…” Remus shakes his head. He looks at Lily, who starts snickering in return. Remus bites his lip, and she laughs harder. They’re clearly speaking their own language.

“What!”

“People don’t like you for your hair , moron,” Remus says, and Lily swats his arm.

“Yeah, well… save me a dance later, alright?”

“Um.” Remus again looks sideways at Lily. She simply shrugs. “Yeah, alright,” he agrees, and Sirius flops back into his seat with a satisfied grin. 

 

Fever has a queue that spills out onto the sidewalk and goes on for two blocks down the street. Marlene struts right up to the bouncer in her clunky platform heels and within minutes of her flirting they’re all being waved inside. They don’t even have to show their fake IDs. Men are idiots, Sirius thinks, but at least Marlene is good for something. 

The club is packed to the brim with twenty-somethings moving close together on the dance floor under purple and blue flashing lights. There are several intimate seating areas on one side, and the group makes their way over to an empty table. They need to pull up a few extra chairs, but they make it work. James and Sirius take drink orders and work their way through the crowd to the bar. James waves the bartender down and rattles off the list, points to their table, then turns to Sirius, wagging his dark eyebrows.

“Soooo, you and Marly are going at it again, huh?” he asks, leaning close so Sirius can hear him over the wretched squealing of ABBA. “Congrats, mate.”

Sirius rolls his eyes. “No. I don’t want anything to do with her. She just inserted herself into my life. I keep telling her to bugger off, but she won’t.”

“So you fuck her instead,” James says with a laugh. “You should’ve seen Pete’s face last night. Completely destroyed. I tried telling him it’s never gonna happen with her but,” he shrugs, sliding a few Muggle bills across the bar. 

“It was a mistake,” Sirius admits. “I was drunk off my arse. Pete can have her. Really.”

As they make their way back to their table, James gives him a parental look over his glasses that conveys he should know better than that. 

“I love Pete, I do, but really? He’d never get a girl like that in a million years.”

“Where’s Moony?” Sirius asks when they make it back to their friends. He doesn’t see him or Lily at the table anymore— it’s only Peter and the other girls.

James shrugs, but Dorcas points toward the dance floor. Remus has one of Lily’s hands held high, twirling her as her floaty gold dress billows around her. They’re both laughing, and Remus catches her when she stumbles dizzily.

“I’ve never seen anyone so gorgeous,” James sighs fondly, that familiar dopey expression sliding across his face. Sirius can practically see the giant throbbing hearts in his eyes. Sirius looks back to their dancing friends and feels that same smile pulling at the corners of his own lips.

“Yeah. Me neither.”

A waitress brings their drinks over and the friends just sit for a while. They drink and chat and order more drinks and chat some more, but then Marlene is tugging at Sirius’s arm and dragging him onto the dance floor. He sighs and just goes along with it, glancing over at Remus who is attempting to get Peter onto his feet and into a three-way dance with himself and Lily to make him feel included. Peter gives Remus a watery smile as he joins them.

“I’m not wearing any panties,” Marlene shouts more than whispers into Sirius’s ear. She pulls back a bit, smirking devilishly when Sirius can’t help but let his eyes skim down her body. Her red satin dress falls smoothly over her arse and there was a time when that would excite him, but now he’s just bored.

“Okay,” he replies blandly, swaying with her to the music. Dorcas and Mary have been scooped up by two other blokes and are dancing nearby. James snags Lily away from Remus and Peter, and Peter frowns. “You know, you’d make me really happy if you danced with Peter for a song or two.”

“Why?” she asks, spinning around and grinding against his groin. He quickly turns her back around.

“He likes you. Come on, look how pathetic he is.”

Marlene sighs but acquiesces, and the two of them shimmy over to Peter and Remus.

“Let’s switch!” Sirius shouts, pushing Marlene toward Peter and snatching up Remus’s hand. He slides one arm around the other boy’s waist and twirls him away. Marlene looks thoroughly scandalised as Peter tentatively places his hands on her hips. She’s got a good six inches over him even without her heels, and he’s beaming up at her like she’s Aphrodite in the flesh.

“Oh, you’re going to get an earful for that later,” Remus laughs, one hand on Sirius’s shoulder as Sirius raises the other, pressing his lips to the back of Remus’s hand. “What, exactly, do you think you’re doing?”

“Seducing you,” Sirius says, kissing his slender wrist. He holds him closer, chest to chest, hoping to feel Remus’s heart over the thump thump of the music. He can’t.

“And why is that?” he asks, narrowing his hazel eyes suspiciously. “You want another blowy?”

“Well, if you’re offering…”

“I’m not offering anything. Keep it in your pants or ask your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Remus just rolls his eyes, then quickly changes the subject. “This music really is bloody terrible. Disco?” He sticks he tongue out in disgust.

“A man after my heart,” Sirius grins, placing a hand over his own chest.

“Oh shut up,” Remus says, but he’s smiling.

Over his shoulder, Sirius can see Marlene stomping back over to him. She’s left poor Peter alone in the middle of the floor.

“His breath smells like cheese. Cheese , Sirius,” she shouts, and Sirius has to snicker at the unintentional rat allegory. She pushes Remus back and deposits her body right in between the two boys. “Beat it, Lupin.”

Remus throws his hands up, rolling his eyes again as he walks away.

“No, you beat it, Marlene!” Sirius hollers, pushing her away for what feels like the millionth time since the girls arrived.

“You know I can have any guy here, right?” She crosses her arms over her chest and makes a big show of looking around at the other men.

“Great,” Sirius says blandly, shrugging. “Find someone else. I’m not interested.” He whirls around to locate Remus and spots him easily. He starts over to him, but pauses when a shock of blue hair cuts through the crowd and heads straight for Remus. It’s the record store git. He’s got his hands on Remus, and Remus is actually smiling. They greet one another with a kiss and Sirius’s stomach drops. He figures he has to put a stop to this before anything escalates, so he pushes his way over to them.

“Moony,” he begs, completely ignoring the other bloke and touching Remus’s arm. “Come dance with me.”

“Sirius, I’m in the middle of a conversation,” Remus scolds, shooing Sirius away. “You remember Diego?”

“Yeah, sure. Hi Dino.” He purposely fucks up the name to show just how little he cares. “C’mon. You promised me a dance and we didn’t get to finish.”

“It’s fine,” the blue haired git says with a smile. “I’ll get us some drinks, Remus.”

Sirius drags Remus back onto the dance floor and moves in close to him, sliding his hands to rest on his slender hips.

“That was quite rude, you know.”

“I don’t care. How else am I ever going to get you alone?”

“Why do you want to get me alone?”

“Do you want a list of all the dirty things I want to do to you?”

Remus blushes and looks away. Sirius goes on, bringing his mouth close to Remus’s ear.

“I really want to kiss you, Remus. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. Merlin, I can’t stop thinking about the other night when—”

“Which night?” Remus interrupts, staring him dead in the eye. “Last night? When you felt up Marlene in front of everyone? The same night you slept with her when I was supposed to be sharing your room?”

“I didn’t— Look, it’s not like that. I pushed her away the first time—”

“Your hands were all over her breasts!”

“And the second time— Fuck, I don’t even remember that. I was drunk!”

“You were drunk when we did stuff too. You’re drunk now!”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“God, Sirius. You can’t just— I’m not interested in whatever it is you want from me, okay? It’s not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny, you git! Why are you so jealous anyway?”

Remus scoffs. “Jealous? Of whom? Her ?” he gestures wildly to Marlene in the crowd. “Why would I be jealous of her ? She’s got more tits than brains. But maybe that’s what you’re into, I don’t know. Now if you’ll excuse me.” He pulls away from Sirius and turns around, heading to the bar and to Diego. Walking away from him once again.

Sirius deflates. He slinks back over to the bar and buys another drink, then turns to watch his friends. James and Lily have fallen into a nice rhythm with one another and look as if they’re having a good time. Dorcas and Mary are dancing with two completely different blokes than the ones earlier. Marlene is scowling at their table. Peter is making an attempt to talk to her, and she looks absolutely livid. Sirius sends a mental back off, back off to Peter, but neither of them were ever spectacular at legilimency. He only hopes Peter can save himself before it’s too late. The wrath of Marlene McKinnon is not something to be trifled with.

Remus and Diego are nowhere to be found. Sirius slams his drink down, then orders another. He doesn’t know how many he’s had when he sees Diego swaying behind Remus, his hands sliding up the smaller boy’s chest and holding him close. Remus tilts his head back to rest on Diego’s shoulder, and he actually looks like he’s having a good time. For once, he doesn’t seem worried that people could be watching him, and here, no one really is.

No one, except Sirius.


Sirius doesn’t know how long he’s been out when James shakes him awake, but the room tilts when he’s pulled onto his feet. He’s vaguely aware of the bus ride back home and two solid bodies leading him upstairs to his room and onto his bed, pulling his jacket and boots off. Then there’s only a smudge of yellow and brown above him. Sirius blinks, adjusting his eyes, and Remus is looking down at him with a gentle smile.

“There he is,” Remus whispers, sweeping Sirius’s dark hair out of his eyes with two fingers and tucking a strand behind his ear. “You look like absolute shit.”

“You look like an angel,” Sirius slurs, and Remus laughs.

“You don’t know anything about religion.”

“Not much,” Sirius agrees. His vision is starting to blur again and everything sounds like he's got his head underwater. “But your mum has those pictures in your house. They’re all… gold and sparkly and beautiful.” 

“You’re delirious. Close your eyes. I’ll be right back.” 

Remus stands and leaves the room, and there’s nothing interesting to look at anymore so Sirius shuts his eyes. He’s almost drifted off when he hears Remus return, but he opens his eyes to see him now in his sleep clothes— that same threadbare Velvet Underground shirt and a pair of rather tiny short-pants. He places a glass of water and a pepper-up potion on the bedside table and a bucket on the floor.

“Just in case,” Remus says with a soft grin when he notices Sirius watching him. “Close your eyes. I’ll be right here on the floor if you need me.”

Sirius reaches out and wraps his fingers around Remus’s thin wrist. “Don’t sleep on the floor. Sleep with me.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“I’ll be a good boy,” he mumbles. “Hands to myself, I promise.”

“Alright,” Remus agrees, walking to the opposite side of the bed. “Don’t sick up on me.” He gets into the bed and pulls the duvet up over them both as he lies down beside his friend. Sirius wishes he wasn’t still wearing his denims so he could feel the slide of Remus's bare legs against his own as Remus shifts to get comfortable, but his arms feel too heavy to move.

“‘Night, Moons,” Sirius whispers as his eyes close again.

“Goodnight, Padfoot. Sweet dreams.”

Chapter Text

There’s someone in his bed, pressed against his back with a hand on his hip, and Sirius swears that if it’s Marlene he will never speak to her again. At least he’s still wearing his clothes this time. He makes an attempt to turn around, but the person groans at his movement and their hand slides up his chest. Sirius looks down at the hand and smiles to himself— he’d recognize that half-chewed thumbnail and those skinny, scarred fingers anywhere.

He wants this quiet moment here alone with Remus to stretch on for as long as possible. He lies still, blinking his blurry eyes, focusing on the dust motes that dance and twirl in the stream of golden light from his window and the gentle, rhythmic puffs of warm breath on the back of his neck.

Very carefully, Sirius reaches over to the bedside table for the pepper-up potion that’s sitting there. He pops the cork and downs it in one gulp, then sits up a little to chase it with the glass of water. Remus stirs, so Sirius sinks back down into the bed and rolls over to face him.

“Hey,” he says, voice raspy and still thick with booze, grinning at the disheveled beauty that is a well-rested Remus Lupin. Remus smiles brightly in return.

“Good morning,” Remus replies.

“You’re in my bed,” Sirius whispers, and Remus’s hand is still on his chest, just resting there daintily, right over his sternum.

“I am. All of your fantasies are coming true.”

“Did we… um.”

“No,” Remus frowns, looking away from him and pulling his hand back like he’s only just realised they were touching. “No. Don’t worry, I was only joking. You didn’t want me to sleep on the floor, so—”

“I’m not worried.”

“Okay,” he says, picking at a thread on the duvet. Nervous twitch, Sirius notes.

“Merlin, I want to kiss you Remus,” Sirius breathes, reaching up to card his fingers through Remus’s curls and over his cheek. He lets his hand linger on Remus's neck, and he feels him swallow beneath his palm as they simply stare at one another in the stream of dim morning sun through the gauzy curtains. Sirius moves light fingertips over the delicate bones of his shoulder and down his arm, and he can’t help himself.

He leans in. He closes his eyes, letting his nose nudge against Remus’s, wetting his own lips in anticipation. He raises himself onto his elbow and presses closer, close enough to feel Remus’s breath. This is the moment, he thinks. Seize it.

But Remus pulls away.

“We really shouldn’t,” Remus whispers, turning his head.

“But why?” Sirius asks with an exasperated groan. “Is it that bloke—”

“Diego.”

“Right. Why was he—”

“I went into town and invited him.”

“Oh, that’s where you went.”

“Yes.”

“You like him, then?”

“He’s alright. I doubt I’ll ever see him again, to be honest.”

“You could do better anyway.”

Remus snorts and rolls his eyes. “Right, with all the boys just throwing themselves at my feet.”

“Some are. I am.”

“Sirius—”

“What?”

“I told you, I’m not interested in this.” Remus tosses the duvet back and scrambles out of bed, grabs some clothing from his bag on the floor, then exits the room, walking away from Sirius yet again. Sirius lets out another frustrated groan, flopping onto his back and willing his morning erection to go away. 

He could have sworn he almost had him that time.


When he finally gets up and showered, it’s well past noon and the girls are all packing their things to go back home. Sirius is thankful, but knows James will be mopey and pathetic about it later. But, he supposes, he’d be upset too if it was Remus who was leaving. 

“Sirius? Can I talk to you?” Marlene asks from the doorway of his bedroom as he’s digging through a pile of clothes for a clean smelling shirt. She’s the most awkward and uneasy looking he’s ever seen her since arriving at Hogwarts for the first time. Sirius sighs but gives a small nod. She closes the door behind her. “I um. I spoke to Peter.”

“About what? His crush?” He picks up a shirt that has some sort of potion stain on it and gives it a sniff, then tosses it away with a scowl. Marlene makes her way to his bed and sits down on the edge. 

“About you and Remus.”

He whips his head around to look at her, eyes wide. “Me and— Excuse me?”

“Oh, shit. Sorry. Is it supposed to be a secret? It’s just… looking back, it doesn’t seem like you were really hiding it.”

“Is what a secret?”

“You and Remus.”

“There’s nothing going on between me and Remus.”

“But Peter said—”

“Peter is a traitorous little shit!” Sirius exclaims, rising to his feet. “What did he say?”

“He said you two had sex a few days ago.”

“Oh for—” He swipes a hand over his face, sighing. “I swear, I’m going to kill him one day.”

“Is it true?”

“It’s not… untrue,” he admits. “But it’s not completely true either. I do fancy him, but he’s made it very clear that he's not interested.”

“I feel like such an idiot. God, I was throwing myself all over you.”

“Yeah, well.” Sirius shrugs.

“I actually let Peter touch a boob for this information! Ugh, I need another shower.”

“You did what?”

“A clothed boob! He said he had something huge on you. He smells like CHEESE !” She laughs and Sirius can’t help but crack a smile. Marlene stands and walks back to the door, resting her hand on the knob. “Are we okay? We were both pretty drunk the other night but I feel awful—”

“Yeah, we’re okay. It’s not like I totally didn’t want to.” He walks over to her as she opens the door, then pulls her into a tight hug. 

“I really liked you, you know,” she says.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too. So sorry.” She pulls back a bit and smiles up at him. “Goodbye kiss?” 

He shrugs again and leans down, dropping a quick kiss onto her cheek. She turns to leave and bumps right into Remus, and she actually apologises to him. Sirius smiles again.

Remus frowns. “Am I interrupting?”

“What? No. We were just talking.”

“Mm. Looked like you were kissing to me.” Remus pushes past him into the room, then drops to his knees beside his bag.

“It wasn’t like that, Moony.”

“Please, don’t Moony me,” Remus snaps, stuffing his crumpled sleep clothes into the bag.

“I’m not— I was just saying goodbye.”

“With your shirt off.”

“What is your problem, Remus? You say you’re not interested, then you get all pissy and jealous.”

“Oh, do fuck right off, Padfoot.”

“No, you fuck off!”

“Wow, good one,” Remus deadpans and stands with his bag. “Don’t worry, I’m moving back into the guest room and I’m leaving tomorrow.”

And he walks out. Again. 

Huffing angrily, Sirius picks up a random shirt and shoves it over his head. Remus is even more confusing than girls , he thinks as he stomps down the stairs.

Lily is speaking to James softly on one of the parlour sofas, and they’re both clutching crumpled, wax-sealed envelopes that look like they’re from Hogwarts. They stand together and he walks her to the door where the other girls are waiting, then she kisses his cheek. The girls all shout their goodbyes and then they’re gone.

“What was all that whispering about?” Sirius asks.

James seems uneasy and glances apologetically at Remus, who is looking miserable in a stiff looking wing-backed armchair. “We uh… me and Lily, that is. We made Head Boy and Girl.”

“You did what now?!” Sirius shouts, raising his eyebrows.

“He made Head Boy,” Remus says.

“So that means…”

“That I did not; correct.”

Oh , Sirius thinks. Remus’s grumpiness this morning suddenly makes more sense.

“Shit. Sorry, Remus. I mean, congrats Prongs, but—”

“No, I know. Why did they give this to me?” James questions, holding up the little gold pin and looking pained. “I can’t be trusted! I don’t want this responsibility! Moony, please, take it. You’re the best of us!” He stumbles over to Remus and shoves the pin toward him, but Remus smacks his hand away.

“It doesn’t work that way, genius. It’s fine, really. I just thought it might be a nice thing to have on my curriculum vitae— Merlin knows I’ll need all the help I can get. But it’s fine. I’m happy for you, James. Honestly.”

Sirius knows he’s not being entirely truthful, but he lets it go. There’s no use in dragging this out. He only wishes he could make Remus happy somehow.

Eventually Peter stumbles in from the kitchen licking jam from his fingers, and Sirius immediately grabs his chubby forearm and yanks him into a hallway while James is busy repeatedly apologising to a very obviously annoyed Remus.

“What exactly did you tell Marlene, you little sneak?” he spits out in a harsh whisper, glowering down at his friend. Peter bites his lip, blue eyes darting to quickly look away from Sirius’s intense stare.

“I— I’m sorry! It’s just that I really fancy her and I thought— well, I’ll never get anywhere with her if she’s hung up on you, and that’s not fair because you and Remus are too busy dancing around each other—”

“What do you mean?” Sirius asks, narrowing his eyes. “ ‘Dancing around each other’ ?”

“I mean, I know what you two did, and I know that you fancy one another. It’s just a matter of time before—”

“What? Remus doesn’t fancy me.”

“Umm…” Peter starts, looking back up at him. “I may have overheard him and the girls talking. Lily’s coming around on James, and Remus… well. I don’t know for certain, but I’m pretty sure he cried that night Marlene stayed in your room.”

Sirius stops to process the information he’s just heard. Remus fancies him? Can he actually trust Peter to be honest? He supposes he has no reason not to, but then why does Remus keep pushing him away? Nothing makes sense. He’s all twisted up and backwards.

“I don’t care that you’re gay now,” Peter adds when Sirius doesn’t immediately respond. “Actually, it’s kind of a good thing, yeah? More girls for the rest of us.”

“Yeah,” Sirius says without correcting him that he’s technically not gay . “Sure, Pete. I— look, I’ll put in a good word with Marly for ya.”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Thanks, Sirius!” Peter starts toward the parlour then pauses, turning back to Sirius. “Good luck with Remus.”

“Wait!” Sirius shouts, and Peter turns around. “Can you tell James to meet me on the back porch? And keep Remus occupied for a while.”

“Alright,” Peter grins and scampers back into the parlour. Sirius heads outside.

He plops his arse down on the wooden steps leading to the field and lake and looks up at the sky. There are clouds overhead, a warm breeze blows through his hair, and it seems as if it’s finally on the verge of rain. Sirius pulls the crumpled cigarette pack out of his pocket and places one between his lips, lighting it with a small flame that he conjures with a flick of his wrist.

“Oi, what’re you doing out here?” James asks from behind Sirius, then settles down beside him on the steps. “What’s up?”

“I just thought we should talk,” Sirius shrugs, blowing smoke out of his mouth. “I thought maybe you might’ve already known, but you didn’t seem to take me seriously before.”

James just looks at him quizzically, his dark eyebrows knitting together above his thick glasses. “About what?”

“Remus.”

“Look, I don’t want to be Head Boy!” James exclaims, throwing his hands up in surrender. “I’ll talk to McGonagall about it, I swear.”

“No, no, not that,” Sirius huffs, ash flicking off the tip of his cigarette as he waves his hand. “What I told you before, about me having a thing for him.”

“What thing? Like a gift?”

Sirius sighs. He takes another puff of his cigarette then crushes it on the step as he looks at his best mate. As close as the two of them are, he’s never had a conversation like this with him nor with anyone else. Sure, he’s talked about personal stuff, like his shit parents and vague relationship stuff, like the girls he’s shagged, and James goes on and on about Lily every damn day, but Sirius is certain he’s never felt like this about anyone before, so he’s treading on all new territory in their long friendship.

“I think I’m in love with him. Legitimately. And it’s driving me mad. I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep. I can’t think clearly. I’m pulling my hair out trying to get him to see that we should be together, but he’s not interested. But then I think maybe he’s right, maybe we don’t belong together. I have too many issues and he deserves better. He deserves the best.”

“Shit,” James whispers, looking over his shoulder back at the house. “You’re… this is for real.”

“Yeah. I’ve been trying to tell you.”

“You’re not having me on?”

“No, you knob!”

“Shit,” James says again, chuckling quietly. “Then I think this is great.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Moony is— hell, you really need to talk to him about this.”

“I’ve tried. He says he’s not interested, and I was sure he wasn’t, but Pete said—”

“Try again,” James interrupts, and glances up at the cloudy, darkening sky. “Make him understand. If it doesn’t work, I’ll get Lily to beat some sense into him.”

Sirius looks at James, blinking curiously through his windswept hair. “Why? Do you know something?”

“Nuh uh,” James laughs. “I’m not getting into it. You talk to him. This entire thing is just… people not communicating. That was my problem with Lily, turns out. But now— well, we’re talking. And she is into me.”

“I always kind of thought she was.”

“Yeah, well. We just had to have a serious conversation. Several serious conversations, actually. No jokes, no pranks. Just two people talking to each other.”

“Merlin,” Sirius smirks, scrubbing a hand over his face. “What if he hates me after this?”

“He won’t.”

“You say that now but—”

“Mate, Moony adores you. I might be your best friend but you are his.”

“Huh. I always thought it was Lily.”

“Lily does know things. They’re close. But you’re the one he follows around everywhere. Think about that.” James stands and dusts himself off with his hands, then pauses before entering the house, fingertips resting on the bronze doorknob. “Sorry I didn’t believe you before. It’s just— I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“What, having feelings for a bloke?”

“Yeah, that too. But also just… caring that strongly for anyone. You’ve never really been one to do relationships. I'm proud of you, mate. That's growth.” With that, James slips back inside the house, leaving Sirius to continue staring up at the clouds.

There’s still a few hours until this storm rolls in.


“Moony?” Sirius starts later, after they’ve all played a half-assed game of two-on-two Quidditch, eaten dinner, and he’d received a swift elbowing in the ribs from James to just get on with it. “Wanna go up to my room and listen to that Stooges record?”

Remus has been in a mood all day and rightfully so. He’s down, and Sirius knows music tends to perk him up. He likes to think he pays close attention to all the little parts of Remus’s personality and knows all of his likes and dislikes, and is sure letting loose to some angry rock and roll will raise his spirit.

He looks at Sirius and nods, and the two of them head up the stairs and into Sirius’s bedroom. 

Sirius closes the door. This is familiar, he thinks, but he’s not trying to put the moves on his friend this time— he only wants to make him smile. He pads over to the turntable and places the record on it gingerly, drops the needle, and looks at Remus with a wide grin as the first beats of ‘1969’ grate out of the speaker with its distorted guitar. Remus glances up and returns the smile, and Sirius steps over to him, goofily bopping his head a bit, causing Remus to laugh. 

“Come on, you owe me an uninterrupted dance,” Sirius says, taking both of Remus’s hands into his own and pulling him to the center of the room. Remus rolls his eyes but goes willingly, and Sirius wags his shoulders and shakes his hips to the energetic music— Remus just continues laughing and follows his lead. 

Sirius absolutely adores that laugh— it might be his favourite sound in the world, he thinks. It’s even more audibly satisfying than The Stooges. Hell, he’d happily give up The Stooges forever if he could hear Remus laugh every day. It thrills him— the way Remus’s mouth twists up when he’s trying to hold it in, the little rasp in his throat, the way it finally tumbles out of him like a song he knows all the lyrics and drum beats and chords to. It’s familiar and comforting. It’s his safe place.

The song changes and this one is slower and somehow more intense, but Sirius just keeps moving, spinning Remus under his arm and holding onto his slender waist. 

 

So messed up, I want you here

In my room, I want you here

Now we're gonna be face to face

And I'll lay right down in my favorite place

 

And now I wanna be your dog

Now I wanna be your dog

Now I wanna be your dog

Well, come on!

 

The words resonate with Sirius and he’s once again struck by just how badly he wants Remus, to hold him and kiss him and touch him and look at him and taste him— to belong to him completely— and the only thing scary about it is that it doesn’t scare him at all. It feels natural. 

Remus is glowing as they sway together, his smile pressed against Sirius’s shoulder, both hands resting tentatively on Sirius’s lower back. Sirius’s mouth is close to Remus’s ear and his hands creep up his back, fingertips touching the soft curls at the nape of his neck.

“I like this song,” Remus mumbles against the fabric of Sirius’s shirt.

“Remus—” Sirius breathes, and Remus pulls back a bit to look him in the eye.

 

Now I'm ready to close my eyes

And now I'm ready to close my mind

And now I'm ready to feel your hand

And lose my heart on the burning sands

 

“Hm?”

 

And now I wanna be your dog

And now I wanna be your dog

Now I wanna be your dog

Well, come on!

 

“I… I just really want to—”

“To?”

Be your dog , Sirius thinks to himself and leans in then with purpose, intending to finally kiss his friend, but Remus, the absolutely exasperating colossal git, pulls his hands off of Sirius and takes a step backward.

Groaning, Sirius rakes his long hair from his face with his fingers. “You’re so completely confusing,” he sighs, shaking his head. “James and Pete both seem to think you fancy me, but I just don’t know. Are they wrong?”

“What?” Remus asks. He furrows his brow— his cheeks are bright red and he looks down, bringing his thumb to his mouth to chew on the nail.

“It’s just… one minute we’re flirting and the next you’re freaking out. I don’t know what you want.”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“Sorry? For what?”

“Just… just stop!” Remus shouts.

“Stop?” 

There it is— the word he’s been dreading hearing. Remus has never told him to stop, has never told him no, but there it is now, taking up all the space in the air between the two of them, un-wedging itself out of all of the corners and dark crevices in the room and putting itself on display. STOP like a big, bright sign, like flashing red traffic lights glaring in Sirius's face.

“I just want you to stop toying with me and you just— you can’t even leave me alone for five fucking minutes!” Remus hollers, throwing his hands up.

“But I’m not toying with you!” Sirius shouts back at him, but Remus only rolls his eyes and hurries out of the room. Sirius nearly freezes— he can hear his friend’s footsteps as he rushes down the stairs, can hear him angrily mumbling something to James and Peter, can hear the creak and slam of the back door as Remus runs away from him yet again.

NO , he thinks, I’m not letting him get away from me this time . So he takes off after Remus— out of his bedroom, down the stairs, through the dining room and out into the backyard.

Sirius can just barely make out the other boy’s figure silhouetted in the darkness, his slender frame standing at the edge of the lake. As Sirius moves closer through the cumbersome weeds and grass he can see him more clearly— Remus has his head down, arms crossed, his bare feet sinking into the soft sand in the shallow water.

Sirius approaches him quietly. The moonlight skitters across the lake and the stars are reflected like billions of diamonds on the surface, then there’s Remus’s reflection, as pale and brilliant as the moon herself, and even lovelier.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says from behind his friend. He sighs and rests his forehead on Remus’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m an idiot.”

Remus turns a bit and Sirius raises his face to look Remus in the eye. He looks sad— he often looks sad with his hazel eyes much too large in his still young face, but this time it’s Sirius’s own fault and he wishes more than anything he could change that. He’d take it all back if he could, if it meant that Remus would just be happy. Forget his own happiness. Move on with his life. But still, he has to know.

“Why don’t you want me?” Sirius asks. 

“Sirius, don’t.”

“No. No! I tell you every day that I want you and you just fucking... push it aside like you don’t even hear me. God, I... UGH!” he runs his hands into his hair and pulls, his face twisting up in anguish. “This is torture for me. You looking the way you do, acting all fucking blasé—”

“What?”

What , he says. Fucking what , like he doesn’t know.”

“Know? Know what?”

“Merlin, Remus, I know you’re not this thick! You must know that I’m absolutely batshit crazy about you! You must know that I’m losing my bloody mind chasing you about and getting shut down constantly!” Sirius shouts.

“I... thought you were taking the piss because I’m a great big poof,” Remus says, furrowing his brow. “I thought—“

“For two years? You thought I was joking for two years ?”

“You joke about everything! I thought you were using me to experiment!”

“I would never do that to you!”

“How was I to know— Bloody hell, you’re straight!”

“How can I be straight if I want you, Remus?” he growls, giving him a quick shove to his birdlike chest, causing Remus to stumble backward a bit. “If you’re the only thing I ever fucking think about? I haven’t even had a proper girlfriend since—”

“Sirius, please! Can you just—”

“What?”

“Shut the fuck up for two seconds. I can’t think. What am I supposed to do?”

“Answer my question.”

“Question? What question?”

“Why don’t you want me? Am I not smart enough? Is it my family?”

“Merlin, no! Sirius, I—”

“Please.”

Remus squeezes his eyes shut and Sirius realizes he’s crying. This is all going horribly wrong and he doesn’t know how to fix it. 

“I do want you.” Remus finally says softly, wiping away a tear. “Of course I do. I’ve wanted you since third year. Maybe before that, I don’t know. You were always—”

“Wait, what ?” Sirius questions, his eyes popping open suddenly.

“—always the one I really wanted. Whether I was with Damien or William or Michael or—“

“You don’t have to list them all.”

“—I was always thinking of you!” Remus is shouting now, poking Sirius in the chest for emphasis. “Wishing they were you, while you were with Marlene or whomever else. And then you flirt with me and it feels good and I’m filled with this false hope that maybe, maybe it could be true—“

“It IS true!”

“No, fuck that. How could you want me? How could you want me ? That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect bloody sense actually. Have you— do you know how fucking gorgeous you are? Did you know I spend hours— hours thinking about ridiculous shit like the scar by your mouth and the freckle behind your left ear and how I want to kiss both of them? And—”

“I have a freckle behind my ear?” Remus reaches up to touch the spot. 

“—and you’re fucking smart and talented and good and your magic is powerful and Merlin, everything about you makes my dick hard, not only because of how unbelievably fit you are. You could read to me from your Arithmancy textbook and I’d be turned on.”

“Christ, Sirius—”

“And like, what’s so great about me? I’m from an inbred family of assholes, but oh lucky me, I’m attractive. People only like me because of superficial bullshit. I have the attention span of a niffler, I’m always getting into trouble, getting you into trouble. I’m not wired right up here,” he says, tapping his temple. “It actually made sense that you didn’t want me. I’m nothing like the blokes you’ve been with.”

“But that’s why I want you! You’re nothing like them. You’re not like anyone else. You’re wild and dangerous and your shenanigans always have my heart racing. Being around you is never boring. And yes, you’re really fucking gorgeous and I know you hear it all the time, but god .” Remus pauses here, sighing as he pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks up at the dark sky for a moment, takes a deep breath, exhales. “Please don’t end this by saying you were just having me on and this is all a colossal joke.”

“I’m not!” Sirius says, grabbing onto both of Remus’s hands. “I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.”

Remus sucks in a sharp breath and pauses, knitting his eyebrows. “Right. I’m dizzy,” he says and stumbles again. Sirius catches him, wraps his arms around his friend and holds him so close he can feel both of their heartbeats knocking together. “Please don’t lie to me. I couldn’t handle it.”

“Have you ever known me to be a liar, Remus? Have I ever lied to you?”

“No,” he whispers, “never.”

“Then just kiss me,” Sirius whispers back, and he can see the wheels turning behind Remus’s eyes, trying to fit the pieces together and make sense of this all. He’s staring at Sirius, his pink lips parted and quivering, and then he closes his eyes when Sirius leans in, fingers clutching fabric as he pulls Remus closer, their mouths finally finding one another in the dark field by the lake.

They’re kissing, and it’s even better than Sirius imagined. It is warm and soft like he thought but it’s also slow and sensual, and when Remus opens his mouth to gasp, Sirius slides his tongue inside and swears he’s tasting heaven. His entire body is tingling and burning. Remus bites Sirius’s bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth, clutching the back of his hair with one hand, and Sirius just melts. It’s everything he wanted. It’s even more than that.

He moans into Remus’s mouth, one strong arm wrapped around his slender waist, the other hand sliding up into his curly hair. Remus cups his jaw in both hands and it’s an overload of sensations. Sirius, who is normally a hyperactive livewire, is suddenly grounded and focused. His feet are planted on the earth and his head feels like it's finally on straight. He’s pouring himself into this kiss, giving all of himself to Remus, and Remus is just swallowing him down with years of pent up emotions stretching out between them.

Sirius pulls back suddenly to look again at Remus, to make certain that this is really happening and isn’t another one of his dirty dreams. He figures it isn’t since their clothes are still on, and he can’t help the wide grin that spreads across his face. He strokes Remus’s hair back from his forehead, letting his thumb move gingerly down his temple, his jaw, his neck.

“Please say you’ll be mine,” he whispers, and Remus just laughs.

“I’ve always been yours,” Remus says.


Well after midnight, the boys fall into Sirius’s bed with their arms around one another, the room alive and buzzing with whispered confessions and embarrassed laughter until Remus yawns one too many times and eventually drifts off beside Sirius. Sirius takes this moment to make up for lost time, to simply gaze at Remus as he sleeps, to count his freckles and map his scars, to watch the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathes, to silently promise he’ll do his best to be a better man, to take care of him, to protect him, to cherish him for a long as Remus will have him.

Because Remus deserves that.

Because Sirius is beginning to realise he deserves a bit of happiness of his own. 

And he’s gonna grab it and hold on tight.

 

Chapter Text

A gentle rumbling of thunder in the distance is what wakes Sirius up early on Sunday morning. The clock by his bed reads that it’s just past seven and the overcast sky means it’s still dark in his room, but he can see Remus clearly, cuddled up beside him with his curly head sunk deep into the pillow, lips parted slightly as he breathes, the duvet pulled up to his neck. Sirius smiles to himself as he watches his friend, still a bit unsure whether he’s dreaming or not. He ends up just staring, paying no mind to how long he’s actually been awake until Remus begins to stir after a particularly loud CRACK and a flash of lightning just outside the window.

“Hey,” Sirius whispers when Remus finally opens his eyes, sliding his palm up the length of Remus’s bare thigh. 

I can touch him now, he thinks. And with that thought he realises those tiny shorts are absolutely going to be the death of him, but he squeezes Remus’s thigh anyway, slipping his fingers beneath the hem.

He realises he’s been awake for about a half an hour, too overcome with emotion and arousal to simply remain sleeping with Remus in his arms. He’d waffled between letting him sleep or waking him up, and just when he decided he couldn’t wait much longer— that he’s waited long enough— there’s the thunder and lightning to do the dirty work for him.

“Mmm, hey. Good morning,” Remus says, grinning as he lifts one hand to rub a sleepy eye. He hooks one leg over Sirius's, pulling it snugly between his thighs.

Sirius noses Remus’s cheek then presses a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. Remus shifts and snuggles closer, laughing a bit as he chases Sirius’s lips with his own. Sirius pulls away like it’s a game, a bit of payback for all of the times Remus pulled away when he leaned in. He smirks devilishly as if to say ha, how does it feel until Remus catches his bottom lip between his teeth, sucking it softly into his own mouth.

Sirius finally kisses him properly, moaning happily into Remus’s open mouth and pushing his hips forward as he rolls Remus onto his back. Remus’s hands slide up Sirius’s back and into his hair, and he smooths it over Sirius’s shoulder as he pulls away from his lips and looks up at him.

“Am I having a wet dream?” Remus questions him, tilting his head to the side as Sirius nuzzles into his neck, lavishing the sensitive skin with gentle nips and kisses. “I swear I’ve thought about waking up like this for ages. Never imagined it would actually happen.”

“Not a dream,” Sirius mumbles, rolling his hips against Remus with another quiet moan. “Fuck, I’m so hard for you.” 

“You’re such a dog.” Remus wraps his legs around Sirius’s waist and pulls him even closer, like he wants it and he knows Sirius wants to give it.

“Your dog,” Sirius agrees, whispering into his ear. “You know, I’ll do whatever you want me to.” He can feel how hard Remus is too, and he’s more than ready for this to escalate. 

They’ve both waited long enough, he decides, trudged through years of tension building up around the two of them, through lingering touches and hugs that lasted just a bit too long to be strictly friendly, through longing stares across classrooms and late-night chats and post-moon cuddling and both of them being too stupid and too stubborn and too self-loathing to ever bring it up when, looking back, it had been so painfully obvious.

They’ve wasted so much time.

But they’re both seventeen now, arguably more mature, undeniably hornier than ever, neither of them particularly inexperienced, and Sirius is ready to lay his own heart and soul bare and give everything to Remus— physically and emotionally.

“God, Sirius—”

“You own me, Moony. I’m yours.”

Remus pauses, blinking up at him and then whispers, “And I am yours.”

There’s a swooping feeling in his stomach at hearing those words, making him even bolder than he was before.

“Tell me what you think about when you imagine us together,” he says, tucking a strand of hair behind Remus’s ear and tracing one golden-bronze eyebrow with a gentle thumb.

Remus pulls back, looking at him bewilderedly, brows raised in alarm. “No way! I can’t tell you that stuff!”

“Why not? I’ll tell you what I think about.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Remus admits, and Sirius can’t make it out in the dark but he knows a faint pink blush is suddenly colouring his freckled cheeks. “If you knew, this would end before it even began.”

“I highly doubt that. Besides, it can’t be more embarrassing than me coming after ten seconds of you sucking me off.”

Remus snickers, shaking his head. “It took longer than that!”

“Look, you’re leaving later, and this is the only chance we have to be alone,” Sirius says. “It won’t be the same at school, you know, sharing a room with Prongs and Wormy, sneaking off for a quick fumble in the loo between classes, Filch and Mrs Norris following us around everywhere.”

Remus grins and rolls his eyes, but doesn’t yet respond.

“So tell me,” Sirius begs. “Tell me what you like and we can do all of it.”

“Oh god,” Remus laughs. “I don’t know.”

“Come on. Pleeeeease?”

“Ugh, fine!” he acquiesces, eyes darting away from Sirius’s. “Fine. I think about… about being in your arms and how I always feel so safe right here. I think about kissing you all the time, and how I want to taste you and touch you and smell you and have you all over me. I think about you when you’re all sweaty after a quidditch match and how I want to be the one to make you sweat. I imagine you showering. I imagine us showering together. I think about that intense look you get when you’re concentrating and… Merlin, you’re so handsome, Sirius.” Remus snorts and covers his face with his hands. When he finally looks back to him, Sirius wags his eyebrows, his smile widening across his face. Remus swats his shoulder playfully. “Don’t look at me like that!”

“None of that was even dirty!”

“Why does it have to be dirty stuff?”

“Because we’re both hard right now?”

“Git.” Remus rolls his eyes again. “So what do you think about then?”

“Well,” Sirius starts and leans down to press a kiss close to Remus’s ear, on that little freckle he obsesses over as he whispers to him, his voice low and hoarse with want. “I think about kissing you all the time too, and about taking our clothes off and pressing our bodies together. I think about touching you everywhere, you touching me. I think about you sucking my cock and how badly I wanna go down on you too. You’re really fucking good at that, you know? I think about what you might like and how I wanna make you feel good and how I want you to say my name over and over as I fuck you. I wonder what you look like when you come and fuck, Remus, can I make you come right now?”

Remus bites his lip, but he doesn’t look away. He reaches up, places his hands on the sides of Sirius's jaw, and pulls him down a bit, those sleepy hazel eyes of his never leaving Sirius's. He brings their mouths close, and instead of kissing him like Sirius expects him to, he whispers against Sirius's lips, “Only if we can come together.”

Sirius’s eyes flutter shut and he takes a deep breath as a shiver tickles up his spine. He doesn’t say anything in response— just nods once. 

Remus takes his hands off of Sirius and reaches under the duvet. Sirius raises himself up a bit and looks down, watching Remus’s thumbs slip into the waistband of his own shorts. He arches his hips up against Sirius as he wiggles a bit and pushes his shorts down just enough for his cock to slip out, the bright pink head first, then the rest of his length and balls. Sirius can’t help but lick his lips as he watches it lie there against the wispy brown hair on his belly, watches Remus’s hands move to Sirius's waistband to pull his pajama bottoms down, his own hard dick springing free. 

“Come here,” Remus whispers, sliding one hand to the small of Sirius's back and pushing downward until Sirius relaxes, settling on top of Remus, their legs overlapping and erections pressed together. Sirius whimpers as his hips begin moving seemingly on their own, without conscious volition, a delicious friction building up between hot skin on hot skin. 

Remus spits into his palm and curls his fingers around the both of them, stroking slowly as Sirius settles into the motion. Sirius moans, his mouth falling open like he’s a marionette and Remus is pulling his strings, controlling him with every twist of his wrist. Remus places his free hand behind Sirius's neck and pulls him down to his mouth, his tongue slipping inside as Sirius gasps, thrusting his hips faster, but he finds he can’t move the way he wants so he reaches down and shimmies out of his pants. Remus wiggles out of his shorts as well with hurried hands and feet, kicking them away promptly, and Sirius almost wants to pause his incessant rutting simply to look at Remus’s naked body in his bed but he’s too turned on to stop. Instead, he grabs Remus’s wrists and pins them to the mattress with one hand, the other hand pushing one of Remus’s legs up, gripping behind his knee to rest his ankle on Sirius's shoulder, and he just continues on chasing his release as they both whimper and moan.

“Sirius,” Remus pants. His eyebrows are furrowed and the muscles in his arms tense as he clenches his fists. The sound of his name tumbling from Remus’s lips only spurs Sirius on so he gives him more, moving faster, bucking harder against the other boy.

“Say my name again,” he begs, and Remus complies, repeating Sirius Sirius Sirius over and over until he’s just on the edge of his orgasm.

“Sirius. Sirius , fuck, wait—”

Remus pushes himself up and they reposition themselves so that they’re sitting facing one another, Remus’s legs thrown over Sirius's thighs. He leans forward and kisses Sirius again, both of them instinctually wrapping their fingers around the other’s erection and stroking slowly. Remus’s eyes are open and Sirius simply stares into them as their mouths hang open, lips barely touching, panting into one another’s mouths as their hands begin moving faster.

“Please, please, please,” Remus gasps, tilting his head back, squeezing Sirius's dick as he moans and pushes up into Sirius's fist.

And then it happens. Remus comes, and he’s too much, too overwhelming, too good with his hands and lips, too beautiful with his face flushed and eyelashes fluttering, too sensual with his moaning and begging, too fucking naked , that Sirius can’t hold back any longer. He groans loudly as he comes, semen sputtering out of his cock and over Remus’s fingers. 

Remus looks down at the mess they’ve made, then back up at Sirius with a cheeky grin, still pumping him with slow, lazy strokes. Sirius sighs, another shiver rattling through his body as Remus’s thumb brushes the over-sensitive head of his cock.

“Fuck,” Sirius whispers. He raises his clean hand to cup Remus’s chin, pulling him forward to kiss him soundly on the lips. 

“Was that alright?” Remus asks softly. “I’d like to do more, but—”

“It was perfect, Moony. We can go slow. I’m not in a hurry anymore.” He brushes the curls off of Remus’s forehead, kissing him lightly between the eyebrows. “I have you now. Yeah?”

“Yeah. Of course.”

“Good.”

“Quite the sticky situation,” Remus mumbles after a moment passes, raising his come-covered hand, and neither of them can help but snicker quietly at the joke. 

“Take a shower with me?” Sirius asks. Remus doesn’t hesitate to nod and follow him as he gets off of the bed, grabbing the towel from the hook on Sirius's bedroom door before they both dart naked across the hall to the bathroom.

 

After they’ve showered and dressed one another and been distracted with far too much snogging and idiotic giggling to be healthy, they descend the stairs hand-in-hand and head into the dining room for breakfast. James and Peter share an awkward yet amused look across the table, but Sirius is happier than he’s ever been, a prouder man with Remus on his arm.

“Now that that’s all settled,” James begins, smirking as he passes a platter of pancakes toward his friends, “what’s next?”

The blush on Remus’s cheeks blossoms and blooms bright red, but he only shrugs and settles down next to Peter. “I’ve got to leave in a bit. My dad wants to go to Diagon and get school shopping out of the way and visit my grandparents before the moon next weekend, so—” he frowns, scrunching his nose. “Peter, what is that bloody awful smell?”

Peter looks up, his beady eyes darting between the three other boys.

“Limburger,” he says, reaching into the pocket of his shirt.

“Where did you get cheese?” James asks.

“I always keep a snack in my pocket.”

Sirius blinks, an amused grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Is it always cheese?”

“Most times.”

“Mate…”

“What?”

“Please lose the cheese if you want a chance with Marlene.”

“Why?”

“Girls don’t like pocket cheese!” Remus shouts, and Sirius and James both dissolve into peals of laughter.

 

Sirius drops Remus’s bag onto the Potters’ front porch, smiling sheepishly as he takes one of Remus’s small hands between both of his. The rain is heavy now, large drops falling diagonally and pelting their shoes as they huddle together under the awning, but Sirius realises it’s a hopeful storm and he’s ready for it after that scorcher of a summer.

“Gonna miss you,” he says, pressing a kiss to the inside of Remus’s wrist.

“It’s only ten days,” Remus laughs, shoving his shoulder. “You’ll survive.”

“I’ll be bored out of my mind, Moony! What am I supposed to do while we’re apart?”

“What do you usually do when I leave?”

“Wait for you to come back.”

Remus rolls his eyes but he smirks, chewing on his thumbnail. “You’re completely exasperating, you know.”

“I’m in love,” Sirius says with a shrug.

“And who knew you were so soft ?”

“Soft!” Sirius shouts, placing a hand over his chest and gaping like he’s properly offended. “I’ll have you know I am always hard for you.”

“Oh Merlin,” Remus laughs, pulling away from him and covering his face with both hands. “And here I thought the innuendo was over.”

“Moony, do you know me at all? It’s never over.”

“Oh, wonderful.”

“Endless dick jokes in your future if I’m your boyfriend.”

“And are you my boyfriend?”

“If you’ll have me,” Sirius grins, leaning forward for a kiss. Remus leans away, tapping his chin with his index finger, seemingly deep in thought.

“Eh,” he just says.

“Oh.” Sirius deflates, shoulders sagging.

“I’m kidding ! You’re not the only one with jokes, you know.”

“Uh huh.”

“Shush. You know I adore you. I’d love it if you were my boyfriend.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Remus says, moving closer and sliding his arms behind Sirius's neck. Sirius smiles and wraps his arms around Remus’s waist, pulling him flush against his body and finally kissing him, and it’s a moment that he’s always dreamed of— holding Remus, kissing him in the rain, tasting his toothpaste and smelling his shampoo and hearing him sigh as they pull apart. 

Remus glances at his wristwatch with a frown. “I should go. Dad’s gonna be asking what took me so long. Can’t exactly tell him I was too busy snogging Sirius Black to be home on time.”

“You could give me an Australian kiss instead,” Sirius offers with a shrug.

“What’s that?”

“It's like French kissing but you're going down under.”

Remus snorts, one corner of his mouth twisting up. “And here I was, hoping to get out of here unscathed. How am I ever going to have a normal conversation with you?”

“We can talk,” Sirius offers. “Why don't you sit on my lap and we'll discuss the first thing that pops up?”

“Good lord, I loathe you.”

“And don’t let this go to your head Remus, but do you want some?”

Remus smiles, glancing over Sirius's shoulder. “Oh, hi Dad! I didn’t expect you to come by and get me!”

Sirius whips his entire body around to look behind himself only to find no one there. He scowls and narrows his eyes when he turns back to Remus, but Remus only snickers quietly behind his hand. 

The absolute brat.

“And you think I’m exasperating?” Sirius questions. “I don’t need your dad punching my lights out.”

“Then cool it with the dick jokes. Be nice, and I promise we can do all the dirty things you want later.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And don’t look so smug about it.”

“Can’t help it now that I’ve got you,” Sirius whispers. He reaches up and cards his fingers through Remus’s soft curls, stroking his thumb over Remus’s ear, the angle of his jaw, the curve of his lips. He wants to take in everything— every scar, every freckle— and commit them to memory, because ten days without Remus Lupin is ten days too many.

Remus inches up onto his toes to drop a quick kiss onto Sirius’s mouth, then bends to pick up his bag and takes a few steps backwards as he retrieves his wand from his back pocket.

“Alright. I’ve gotta go.”

“I really do love you, Moony,” Sirius says.

“And I love you too, Padfoot. See you on the first.”

And with that and a twirl of his wand, Remus spins on the spot and disapparates. 

Sirius smiles to himself and hops down the front steps, boots splashing onto the wet pavement. He tilts his face toward the sky and closes his eyes as the rain batters down and soaks him through, but he doesn’t mind. 

He rather likes the thrill of it. And life is about to get a lot more thrilling.

Chapter Text

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

 

the stooges • gimme danger

buzzcocks • ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn’t’ve)

sex pistols • sub-mission

patti smith • elegie

television • marquee moon

the velvet underground • beginning to see the light

the ramones • let’s dance

the damned • i fall

buzzcocks • love battery

the stooges • i wanna be your dog

patti smith • ask the angels

lou reed • satellite of love

the damned • i feel alright

the velvet underground & nico • sunday morning

the stooges • down on the street

richard hell & the voidoids • blank generation