“So, let me get this straight. You were doing your Latin homework, you mispronounced some stuff, and you called up a demon. It’s been a month and now you’re calling for help. Why?”
She shrugged, looking down and fidgeting. “I mean, at first it was fine. He was funny and my friends thought he was hot, and he liked to talk about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
Dean rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. So, what changed?”
“Well, now he’s eating all my Doritos and he won’t let me change the channel and he watches a lot of like…food centric porn? Which, no judgement, just really isn’t my thing. He’s not contributing to the household, you know?”
Dean opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it.
Nope. Really nothing to say at this point.
He made his way into the living room.
The demon was a mess. Crumbs all down his front, shirt stained orange, a month’s worth of stubble on his chin and slapdash hair going every which way.
And hot. Like the girl had said. Really hot. If you liked that kind of thing.
Dean liked that kind of thing.
“All right, buddy, time to go.”
The demon looked up, and then smiled a wide smile, eyes falling near shut blissfully. “Hey,” he breathed.
“Did he get into your weed?” Dean asked out of the corner of his mouth.
The girl -Tiffany? - made an annoyed noise. “No, he just came like that. Just…naturally stoned.”
“Hi, there,” the demon greeted. He held out the bag of chips. “Would you like-”
“Hey,” Tiffany protested, moving in to grab the bag. “Those are mine.”
The demon went from stoned-and-easy-going to scary-as-hell-black-eyed-nightmare in about two seconds flat, yanking the bag back and half-rising to menace the girl. Dean pulled his knife as Tiffany back-pedaled.
Before he could kill the thing, the threat was over. The demon had slumped back against the couch. “I was talking to him,” he said pointedly, nodding at Dean.
“Ah, thanks,” Dean said, sliding closer to keep Tiffany behind him. He took a chip as offered and gave it a quick sniff before snapping off a corner with his teeth. It could be poisoned, but that really wasn’t something he’d expect from a demon. They tended to be pretty direct.
Though, he had to admit, he’d never met a demon like this one before.
“Hey, man,” Dean said quietly. “Seems like you’ve got a pretty good situation here.”
“Oh, I do.” The demon’s eyes flickered back to the TV, which was emitting some really high pitched staccato sounds at this point.
“I can’t let you stay here, man. You’re kinda wearing out your welcome.”
The demon narrowed his eyes and glanced over at Dean. Looked him up and down. “Can’t let me, huh?”
“Gonna make it worth my while?”
“Seriously? How about I don’t kill you and we call it even?”
“I mean, we could do the whole threatening each other thing. Or you could offer me something that wouldn’t scar Tiffany for life. I’m not a bad guy, you know. I just needed some time off. Hell is…a lot sometimes. And Tiffany here, she’s good people. Even if she has a weird need to defend Cordelia.”
Dean sighed. “What does that even-”
“I think you and I would get along, actually.” The demon was evaluating him, now, head cocked. Not in a sizing up, battling kind of way. More like…across a bar, evaluating fuckability.
Dean swallowed hard.
“How do you feel about pizza?” the demon asked.
“I like pizza.” He was having trouble looking away from the guy’s face. He has good eyes. Also, lips. Great lips.
The demon licked those lips and Dean was suddenly a bit tingly in a distinctly off-duty kind of way.
“I just watched a great film about a pizza man. We should go to your place.”
Dean was fairly certain he wasn’t completely following the conversation, but he was also pretty sure he knew enough to answer the question. “Yeah, okay.”
It was the least he could do, Dean reasoned. To get this thing out of Tiffany’s place without a lot of bloodshed. Who knew how the actual fight might go. They might break some of her stuff, or hurt her. It just seemed safer this way.
“What do I call you?” he asked as the demon got up off the couch and dusted a metric fuck ton of Dorito crumbs onto the floor.
“Oh. Uh, Castiel.”
“All right, Cas. I’ll follow you out.”
The demon thanked Tiffany as they left. “Cordelia really is awful, though. Great head start on being a demon.”
“She’s not, she’s misunderstood. She’s got a redemption arc!”
Cas scoffed as Dean shoved him out the door. “Some people just don’t know a bad thing when they see it.”
Dean shrugged uncomfortably. He was beginning to think he might be one of them.