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Besties for Ca$h

Chapter Text

What word or phrase do you overuse?

”Oh bitch,” Bianca cackled, “am I only allowed to pick one?”

“Shut up.”

”Not that.”

The playful elbow Adore jabbed missed by a mile as she leaned out of the way.  Bianca made a show of smoothing the ruffle around her neckline back down, but couldn't hide the smile tugging at the edges of her mouth.   

"What do I overuse...probably 'fuck you'?" 

Adore groaned loudly and flipped her paper to face the camera.  Upside down.

LISTEN

"What-"

”Bianca always says ‘listen!’ When she thinks people aren’t like paying enough attention.  She does it like this-“ Adore planted her hand on one hip and held the other up as if clutching a microphone, “LISTEN!”

It was a passable rendition of Bianca’s voice at its most raspy, projected at full volume.

"Is this supposed to be in drag or in general?  Either?  Oh, great.  You expect me to remember this shit at my age?"

"That too!" Adore turned and made wide eyes at the camera, "she's always making jokes about being old."

"Bitch, you remind me of it if I don't."

The producer was starting to look impatient, and her professionalism overrode the urge to continue bickering. 

"All right, fine.  Anyway.  What about yours?"

"I'd say you probably think it's 'party'?"

PARTY

Bianca's neat capital letters were a stark contrast to Adore's messy scrawl.

""Well thank fuck.  Wait, we have to both get them right to win, right?"  Bianca sighed.  "Great, we're never going to get any money."

"Like you're not rich already."

Chapter Text

Most annoying or worst habit?

Bianca fluffed her topmost wig and gave the producer a deadpan stare. 

"Hmmm.  I don't think any of my habits are annoying, it's everyone else that's the problem.  But if I had to pick something," Bianca continued, "probably being prettier than the other queens.  No, not a joke..."

Adore flipped her paper up.

The same dress

Being perfect at everything

"- really, queen?"

"I had to write something!  It's not like you ever fuck up so..."

"I'm paying her to say this."

From the corner of her eye, she could just make out Adore grinning as the producer (clearly someone who had never met Bianca before) smiled nervously.

"Your turn, bitch." 

"Well..." Adore tilted her head to the side, considering.  "It depends on if it's what Bianca thinks my answer should be and what I actually think, so I'm gonna give both and hope she picked one..."

She glanced over at Bianca, sitting with her hands folded in her lap on top of the neon paper, expression a study in long-suffering tolerance.

"Okay.  So, think the most bad thing I do is I'm super like, I have anger issues when I'm drunk.  I get wasted and break my phone, this is seriously the fourth one I've had to get this year.  It's bad I know, especially if I can't call Chris or John or Bianca to calm me down."

Bianca opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again when Adore's bouncing leg stilled, a sure sign that she was being completely serious.

"I feel like though, Bianca would say, she hates that I'm on Insta live when I'm drunk.  Or not even drunk or stoned, but just that I talk too much about shit.  It's just sometimes you know, I got like things I need to get out...stuff that I dunno if my friends even want to listen to, but when I'm mad or sad or whatever it sucks to be alone and like usually the fans are cool about it, I mean, most of them are-"   

Adore shifted on the seat, picking at the chipped polish on her nails.  Out of sight below the frame, Bianca reached over and gently took her hand, squeezing tightly.  Turning so that the mass of auburn curls obscured her face, she covered the mic clipped to her dress and spoke quietly.

"I do wish you'd call me, pussyface."

The camera caught Adore's tiny, rueful smile.

"I know."

"We'll talk later?"

She nodded, and Bianca turned to face the camera again, moving her hand away from her collar.

"Well," she started in a cheerfully critical tone designed to grab attention while Adore recovered, "it's an improvement on waving your ass in front of millions of people.  Oohhhhh, my pants fell down!"  

Bianca shook her shoulders and brought her hand up holding her phone, twisting her painted lips in an approximation of Adore's suggestive pout.

"Oh sorry, was that my ass?"

"Hey, I have a great ass!"

"Not the point, bitch.  You're gonna get kicked off the internet for posting your dick one of these days.  Anyway, I said-"

Always on her phone

She groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Halfway.  Again.  It's like the distance your hems are from the floor.  I'm not a loser, so you better get the next one right!"

Chapter Text

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

Bianca narrowed her eyes.  

“Is this for- you know there’s gonna be some fourteen year old girl writing fan fiction from this.”

"Hey, I've read some of them...they're kinda cool."

"You can read?"

"...fuck all the way off."

"Anyway, which side of the bed?  I have the one I like at home, but some nights you get back drunk and just pass out wherever you fall.  And if you're me, you wake up still painted like a raccoon and hoping that you didn't suck someone's dick last night."

Adore nodded.

"It's true, like I've passed out on the couch or the floor-"

"Or that one time in my shower, bitch."

"Hey, it was warm and I was tired!"

"You're lucky I heard you.  I should have let you drown."

"I'm a mermaid, I wouldn't have, the water's my home."

Bianca sighed and decided they should probably get back on track. 

"So, that's the - wait, are we talking about the side facing the bed, or in the bed?  In the bed?  Okay, I like the left side."

She raised an eyebrow and looked at Adore expectantly.

LEFT

"I knew that one!"

"Hurry it up, some of us have a flight to catch later."

"I'm on it too, bitch."

"Oh are you?  I must have forgotten, I'm in first class and you're back in economy with the mouth-breathers."

"Shut up you cunt, you know we're sitting-"

Under the hem of her gown, Bianca slipped off one of her heels and kicked Adore in the ankle.  Hard.

"Oww!  All right, all right.  So like, I'm not super picky-"

"I've seen the guys you fuck, it's obvious."

"-so it's whatever side Bianca isn't sleeping on."

Bianca's exaggerated eyes widened further.  She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to decide if chiming in would only make things worse.

"Adore, can you explain that?"  The producer's voice was avidly interested.

Great.

"It's like, after shows and stuff, we always end up in bed together like reading Instagram when we're drunk."

Bianca decided keeping her eyes closed was the better part of valor.  The fans were going to have a field day with it.

"What did you say, B?"

You're lucky she made it into the bed

Adore nearly fell out of her chair, convulsing with laughter.  

"Oh shit, does that mean we won something?"  Her Anna Nicole voice made Bianca's faux-frown crack into a spate of giggles.

"Finally!  Ten dollars.  That's not even enough for an Uber ride back home from here." 

Chapter Text

What's your drag must-have?

"Lashes," Bianca replied without hesitation.  "Actually, is it just one?  Yes?  Hmmm...how about we do top three?  Listen, you can't expect a drag queen to only pick one thing.  That's like asking Darienne Lake to stop at one sandwich."

The producer made a note to add the 'shade' noise in post-editing.

"Well..."

"I mean, some queens just need one thing.  I'm talking a veil.  Made of lead."

"Hang on," Adore cut in, "are we supposed to go at the same time?  'Cuz if it's three I like need to write down more shit."

"She does have a point."

Adore bent over her paper, turning her shoulder to block Bianca's view. 

"Stop looking!  That's cheating."

"Bitch, do you really think I need to cheat?  You've only got three things in that drag wardrobe of yours, and they're all t-shirts that look like they've been through a woodchipper."

The scribbling stopped, and Bianca straightened.

"Okay.  So I said lashes, but I also need a wig and a corset.  Yeah, that'll do."   

She elbowed Adore gently in the side.  

"Your turn."

"I said...I can't do drag without a wig or eyeliner and like umm I guess..."

"It can't have been titties or a razor, come on."

"Oh my god, shut up."

"They're gonna start calling you Willam."

"Bitch, I do not have a beard."

"I wasn't talking about your face."

"ANYWAY, what did I...wig, liner, and probably tights."

"Okay," Bianca rolled her eyes, "you ready?"

"Yeah!"

The swish of paper was followed by Bianca's side eye and obvious struggle to suppress a smile.

"I know you didn't graduate but shit, that's upside down.  Again."

Adore flipped her off, and flipped the paper over.

hair makeup black nails

"What- you can't just say 'makeup', that's not one thing."

"Why not?"

"Because...fuck it, never mind.  Yeah, you're right about the nails but they wanted to know what we have to have.  I'm not going out with a boy body.  I'm not Courtney."

"Oooooooohhh!  Girls aren't always curvy and shit.  And you never do Bianca without them."

Adore grabbed Bianca's hand, hauling it up closer to the camera.

"See?"

Bianca yanked her hand back and deliberately wiped it off on her dress before looking pointedly at her own paper.

BLACK EYELINER

UNCOMBED WIG

UNWASHED TIGHTS

"I hate you." 

Chapter Text

When did you lose your virginity?

“Chris got this one right, and I know you know it.”

”How the hell am I supposed to- wait, are we talking the first time you-?”

Adore made a circle with her thumb and forefinger and thrust two fingers through it lewdly.

”...it was in high school.  After prom.  With a girl.”

”Yeah but like, how old were you?”

”It was after you were born, thank fuck.”

“Like all the way?  Seriously?  Did you-“

Adore stuck her tongue out accompanied by slurping noises.

Bianca rolled her eyes, crossing her legs primly.  

“I stuck my dick in some pussy, it happens.”

”Wait, so when did you start messing around with guys?”

"Later.  See," Bianca sighed, growing serious as her voice lost the mock affronted tone, "it was different for us.  I didn't know I was gay, just different.  And so I did all the things I thought I was supposed to do - dated girls, and all that.  I know it wasn't easy for you either, but my parents...weren't like Bonnie.  They didn't understand.  Hell, I didn't understand."

The teasing smile slid off Adore's face, replaced by an expression of pained empathy.  

"Anyway," she cleared her throat, forcing back the memories between one heavy-lashed blink and the next, "first time having actual sex, or...?"

The producer shrugged, nervous expression back.  This was turning into a far more serious episode than usual.

"Let's say going all the way with a guy," Adore decided, "Full on.  Anal."

"Twenty-three."

Adore's head whipped around to stare at her.

"Whoa- no way, B, I know you were fucking before that!"

"I watched your episode with Chris, bitch.  You counted bottoming, so..."

"You're totally not a bottom."

"You gotta try it to know you don't like it."

"...okay yeah, but-"

Bianca planted a hand on her hip, sighing.  Time to steer this away from things that were getting way too personal.

"Quit stalling, we still have to get lunch before the flight."

The look Adore gave the camera clearly indicated that she wasn't the one responsible for the delay.

"Nineteen." 

"Ready?"

"Yeah.  We're not winning."

19 ON HIS COUCH WHILE HIS ROOMMATES WERE SLEEPING

"What- I never told you that part!"

"Drunk Adore did."

"Fuck you."

"Told you, I'm not a bottom."

1990-something

"Bitch, why did you say we weren't winning?"

"Because...oh wait, is that right?"

"...stay in school, people," Bianca stared into the camera, "or this could be you." 

Chapter Text

Which of your season six Drag Race sisters would you kaikai with?

"Is this fuck, marry, kill?"

The producer shook her head in response to Bianca's question.

"Oh great, so I have to pick one of these hookers to have sex with?  They're all ugly men anyway."

"In drag!" Adore bounced in her seat, clearly excited by the prospect.  "Kaikai means it has to be in drag."

Bianca sighed loudly.

"No it doesn't.  And I wouldn't fuck anyone in drag, do you have any idea how many pairs of tights I'm wearing?"

"Okay fine, not in drag then."

"Not Laganja.  Or Gia.  Can you imagine her saying 'absoluuuuuuutely' when you try to fuck her?  Is there an option for what happens if I don't?  Because I'll take that."

"Oh come on B, there has to be someonnnnnnne you'd fuck."

"You think I can get it up at my age?"

"Uhh huh."

"This is stupid, I'm not writing anything down here."  Bianca capped her marker and set it aside.  "Let me think about it.  You go."

Running a hand through her wig, Adore scrunched up her nose in thought.

"Ummm, Milk is pretty hot."

"Courtney's probably already fucked him.  I swear that bitch popped a boner the moment she saw him out of drag."

"DeLa is kind of cute too."

Bianca crossed her arms.

"We all know your standards are low."

"Are you calling me a whore?"

"Yes."

"Cool," Adore shrugged, " 'cuz I am.  Oh, hey Petey!"

They both waved as he passed through carrying a giant inflatable flamingo and a case of Red Bull.

"Adore, is that your answer?"  The producer looked like she wanted to hurry them up but didn't dare.

"To wha- Oh.  Ummm, actually, I'd probably kaikai with Bianca, because she can be my sugar mama.  And like, her mattress is expensive, so yeah.  This bitch is rich, I'm telling you."

Silence.

Adore shifted nervously in her seat when Bianca didn't launch into an immediately insulting protest.

"Adore."

"-what?"

"You heard me."

"Huh?"

"You're picking Adore."  The enthusiastic gleam in the producer's eyes was back and she set down her clipboard.

Bianca nodded calmly.

"I've already done it anyway."

Petey's head popped back around the corner, and Bianca winked at him.

"...uhhhh, B?"  Adore's lip curled up in confused question.  "You would...?"

"Yeah.  It's on camera too, shit, everyone's seen it."

"I-"

"You could have won, but I fucked you!"

Chapter Text

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

“This fucking voice.  Or the nose.”

Adore closed her open mouth as Bianca immediately answered without a trace of sarcasm, head tilted to the side. 

"What's wrong with them?"

"They're both too big."

Frowning, Adore waited for the punchline, a setup for a dick joke or clown reference.  When Bianca didn't elaborate, she weighed in.

"I like your voice.”

"You're probably the onl-"

“I think it's hot."

Surprised, Bianca looked down at her hands, feeling her face heat underneath the layers of foundation with an uncharacteristic blush.  Years of practice kept most of the reaction contained, but the camera caught her making brief eye contact with Adore while her face was still downturned, capturing her tiny pleased smile.

"Like, why would you want to sound like anyone else?  People know it's you when you talk Yanx."

"Yeah, but-"

"And sure you could totally get your nose done, but that wouldn't be you either.  I like your face the way it is."

Halfway through, she'd started turning towards Bianca.  Now, the camera caught Adore's profile side-on, the way her lips twisted in disapproval. 

"Don't say stupid shit, that's supposed to be me."

While the statement was clearly meant to be humorous, there was an edge to her tone of voice.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."  Bianca rearranged her expression into something less serious.  "If I can't do that, then...fuck, I don't know.  What did you say?" 

Nothing she's perfect

"That counts!" Adore's head whipped around to stare at the producer, who nodded, "that totally counts."

Bianca nudged her elbow with the back of her hand.

"Go on, bitch."

"I...just one thing I'd change...I guess it would be my name."

"Adore?"

"No.  Danny.  I think the whole thing sounds bad.  Stupid.  No one's gonna go to a show from Danny Noriega, but Adore?  She's a superhero."

The producer waited for her to flip the paper over, but Bianca pressed her lips together, folding her hands in her lap.

"Bianca, what did you write for Adore?"

"It doesn't matter."

"B...?" 

Adore's frown was back.

"Pardon?"

"It doesn't matter because you're not posting this one."

Her statement brooked no opposition, and the producer didn't think anyone at World of Wonder would argue.  She'd seen clips of Bianca taking down hecklers and reading her fellow queens, but none of them had anything on the sheer force behind her quiet, calm statement delivered with professional politeness. 

Bianca smiled gently, then reached for Adore's hand, pulling her to her feet.

"We're taking a ten minute break.  Don't worry, we're not going anywhere, they probably locked the basement door anyway." 

Bianca held her hem up and started to step over the various bits of lighting equipment and cables running across the studio floor.  Taking in the wide-eyed silence from behind the camera, she sighed and dropped her voice into Roy's softer tone.

"You should go get some air, my love.  We'll be back, I'm not gonna ruin your shoot and go all diva.  Just need a breather."

Adore tugged on Bianca's hand mutely, fidgeting with the ends of her wig.

"All right, all right, the rest of me's still attached to that, Delano."

Nodding, the producer watched them head down the hallway before standing up herself to look for Petey.  Maybe he could explain what had just happened.

Chapter Text

Favorite drink?

”I know yours!”

 Adore bounced on the chair, her excited smile so infectious that Bianca's lips almost curved upwards before she pursed them into a neutral line.

"Really."

"Yeah!  It's the mattress one."

"Madras," Bianca corrected, "maddddd-rissss."

"Whatever."

"The things I put up with...and yeah, you're right."

MATTRESS

"Yay!  Hey, do we get five dollars if only one of us gets it right?"

The producer looked around for help, but Petey had disappeared again and it was only them in green screen room.  She raised her hands in a half-shrug.

"I guess it doesn't matter, Bianca is buying lunch anyway.  So, what did you guess for me?"

"You're supposed to say it first, bitch."

Adore rolled her eyes.

"Uhhhh, I don't know if I have a favorite?  Like beer, sure, but I'm not gonna say I won't drink whatever."

Bianca patted her nose smugly, then set her powder puff down.

"So, what did you say?"

Anything as long as it's free

"Yeah, I'm easy."

She realized half a second too late that she'd set herself up, glancing over at Bianca's Cheshire Cat grin.

"Oh honey, that's what half the gays in any city say when you're in town."

"Haha."

Chapter Text

What would you say is her best quality?

”Are we talking physical, or like, personality?  ‘Cause...”

Bianca grinned at the camera.

”She’s stalling because I don’t have any.”

Adore cocked her head and continued as if Bianca hadn’t spoken.

”See, it’s really hard to pick.  She’s...B’s really generous and nice but she’ll never tell you that.  Like you go to thank her and she’s just like ‘no, stop’ and acts all embarrassed.  Or she gives really good hugs and always listens and isn’t judgy even when you do really stupid shit.”

”And she does stupid shit a lot.”

”Shut up!  You’re a cunt, but you care, and,” Adore frowned, “people need to know that.”

”Oh?”

”Yeah.”

The producer shifted as the word dragged off quietly.  It was readily apparent that Adore and Bianca were having some sort of silent exchange but she couldn’t decipher any of it at all.

”Is that your answer?” 

“Yeah, it is.”

”Bianca?  What did you say?”

Quirking her lips in a half smile, Bianca raised the paper on her lap.

I gave her a corset

”See?  See!  That counts, that’s being nice.”

”Would you be quiet bitch?  I don’t need everyone thinking they can just borrow my wardrobe.”

Adore nudged Bianca with her shoulder.

”They can though.”

”ANYWAY,” Bianca spoke over whatever she was trying to say next, clearly uncomfortable, “my turn, right?”

The producer nodded.

”The best thing about Adore is...she’s fearless.  She says she’s scared, but she’ll actually try anything, go anywhere, do what she wants.  And people love that.”

The unexpectedly sober and sincere statement hung in the air.  Bianca turned her head away, murmuring something too low for the mic to catch.  

It might have been I love that too.

Adore’s answering smile lit up her whole face.

Being me

Chapter Text

What's your guilty pleasure?

As the producer watched, Adore made eye contact with Bianca. 

Bianca opened her mouth to deliver a quip before closing it again, pursing her lips and shaking her head. 

Adore frowned, tilting her head in thought and shrugged, making a vague gesture with her right hand in the air between them. 

Bianca snorted and rolled her eyes, fussing with one of her huge hoop earrings. 

Adore curled her upper lip and scrunched her nose up. 

Bianca sighed.     

Adore turned back to the camera.

"Uhhh, what if I don't feel guilty about any of them?"

The producer blinked, mystified by their silent conversation. 

"Seriously...B, wanna go first?"

Bianca let go of her earring and raised an eyebrow.

"I can't tell you the guilty ones, because they're illegal in six states."

Petey stepped fully into the room and lounged against the doorway.

"Oh this?  This is gonna be good."

"Petey!" Adore pointed, "They're making me sit still."

"They're making me work with her," Bianca side-eyed Adore.

He snorted loudly, gesturing for them to continue.

"I suppose...if I can, I like to read."

Adore nodded.

"She's always buying books."

"It's not the best thing when I'm not home half the time, but it's great when I can.  But that's not really a guilty pleasure.  Although," she tilted her head thoughtfully, "given how everyone's attached to their phone these days-" Adore looked up from where she was glancing out of frame at her phone and stuck her tongue out, "-sure, why not?  Books."

"They're heavy!  I had to help her carry them."

"Bitch," Bianca grinned, "none of my friends wants to help me move because of it."

"I mean, you're rich so you can totally like buy a new house for all of them.  Actually, when are you finally getting one?"

"A house?"

"Yeah."

"When I have time to start looking.  You're lucky I had time to do this today, talking about time."

"Right.  You better not go too far."

"I was thinking Palm Springs-"

"Fuck no!  It's full of old people."

Bianca raised an eyebrow and waited for what Adore said to register, winking at Petey who doubled over, howling with laughter.

"...you know what I mean."

They maintained eye contact for another few seconds, then nodded at each other.

BOOKS AND FABRIC

Throwing her head back, Bianca cackled.

"Well fuck, yeah, you've got my number whore.  Go on, it's your turn."

 Adore bit her lip, shifting on the chair.  The silence dragged on, not uncomfortable, but definitely present.

"...she should say, being a pain in my ass," Bianca pulled a dramatically annoyed face when Adore still didn't say anything, "but, I suppose she doesn't feel guilty about that."

"You love me."

"I do.  Fucking heaven help me."

"Adore?" Petey prompted gently, "what's your answer?"

"This is gonna sound dumb," she muttered, "but I guess, it's like, maybe...ummmm.  Uhhh.  Going over to Bianca's when she's not home and I miss her?"

Bianca's burgundy lips froze in a perfect O-shape.

"...Yanx?"

Curls bounced as Bianca shook her head to clear it, folding her hands over her lap.

"I didn't actually write anything."

Adore looked over at the dots of ink bleeding through the back of the paper and blinked in confusion.

"But-"

"Hey, can you guys hold on for a sec?" Petey's voice cut through the air, "I think there's a problem with one of the monitors."

He pretended not to see Bianca's carefully hidden look of relief, crouching to fiddle with the cables running between screen and camera.  When she and Adore moved across the room to do quick touchups and the producer disappeared to the bathroom, he quietly picked up the sheet of paper facedown on Bianca's chair, read the single word, and smiled.