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Sir, Spare Your Threats

Chapter 19: Awake Your Faith

Summary:

Zelda attempts a seduction. Lilith struggles with the ethics of it all. Secrets are revealed that bring these two women much closer together.

Notes:

Content Warning: this chapter contains discussions of past rape and abuse.

For anyone who hasn't read the prequel to this fic, "To bed, to bed, to bed!", I would highly suggest reading it before reading this chapter. And for those who haven't read it in a long time, it might also be useful to refresh your memory. While the events of this chapter can still be understood without the background that that fic provides, it would enhance the experience, I think, to have the events of the prequel fresh in your mind.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

By the time Lilith and Zelda were finished eating, the daylight had shifted into twilight, with the sky outside the window heavily threatening rain. They’d spent the rest of their meal talking of happier things, from favorite films to the best places they’d traveled. Lilith couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so at ease talking to another person—usually she’d feel the need to embellish her life, to make all of the things she did to avoid Lucifer sound less difficult than it was, but Zelda never questioned the holes in her resume or the odd choices of projects based solely on obscure filming locations.

It wasn’t until the first clap of thunder rattled her bones and made Zelda jump clean out of her skin that Lilith realized they must’ve been talking for at least an hour or two.

“I really should leave before the storm gets any worse,” said Lilith, standing from the bed with an unexpected sense of reluctance. Usually, she couldn’t wait to be alone again after a long day of socializing, but despite all of the stressful events of the day, Lilith found that she didn’t want to go home.

Zelda’s face was neutral, but her green eyes were slightly glazed as they took in the storm through the window. “You really shouldn’t drive in this sort of weather. You wouldn’t want to be in a car when lightning struck.”

Lilith shrugged her shoulders before picking up the tray that had held their dinner. “I’ve driven in plenty of storms. It’s not a long drive. I’ll be fine.”

Just then, the room lit up with another lighting strike, followed by an almighty clap of thunder. Despite having expected it, Zelda jumped once more, her hands shooting up towards her ears, as if to protect her head from a blow.

Lilith frowned. “What’s wrong? Are you afraid of thunder storms?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Zelda said, though the stiffness in her body told another story. “The noise just hurt my ears for a moment.”

Lilith shifted her weight, not knowing how to redirect her questions in a way that would make Zelda feel more at ease. “Do you want me to ask Hilda to come up, so she can keep you company?”

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Zelda huffed, clutching the neck of her kimono to keep it closed. “It’s just a storm. I’m more worried about your reckless driving than I am about the lightning itself.”

Lilith accepted the jab, though she had to admit, the words stung a bit. “I promise I’ll be careful. I don’t want to intrude on your hospitality anymore than I already have.”

“Who said you were intruding? We Spellmans never turn our guests away. It simply isn’t done,” said Zelda, batting at her hair until the curls that had fallen into her face were behind her shoulder.

Lilith was caught off-guard by how much this reminded her of the scene where Queen Hermione asks Polixenes to stay. She had to give the casting directors credit; Zelda exuded a kind of old-world regality and sense of proper decorum that wasn’t the kind of thing you could just teach an actress—it had to be engrained from birth.

“Zelda,” Lilith said, her eyes flickering from the window down to the tray in her hands to avoid looking at the woman, “it’s not that I don’t want to stay. It’s just…”

Lilith searched for the proper words, but they didn’t come.

“I understand,” said Zelda, whose hands had unconsciously found purchase on her lower stomach. “You didn’t ask to be involved in any of this.”

Lilith was about to respond when another roar of thunder seemed to almost shake the room. She could feel the vibrations in her bones as she took in the way Zelda suddenly bent over, clutching her belly.

Lilith was quick to return to the bed. She put down the tray in order to reach out to Zelda, but she was waved off.

“I’m fine. Fine. Just startled.”

Lilith didn’t know what to do. Zelda looked more than startled, and she couldn’t get the image of the blood washing off of Marie’s hands out of her head.

“You’d tell me if you needed a real doctor, wouldn’t you?” said Lilith, unable to hide her concern. “I know you’re afraid of the story getting out, but I just wish you’d see things the way I do—that your life is more important than what the tabloids think of your pregnancy.”

Zelda immediately removed her hands from her stomach. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand!” said Lilith, unable to hide her frustration. “You almost died today! You would’ve been dead, if it weren’t for Marie. Please tell me that means at least half as much to you as it does to me?”

Zelda looked away, towards the window. Lilith suddenly realized how much she might’ve overstepped with her outburst. “I… I’m sorry—”

“Stop apologizing,” said Zelda, biting her lip as she watched the driving rain hit against her window.

For a while, no one spoke. Lilith just watched Zelda watch the rain. The silence was strained, but not intolerably so.

“Marie told me something today,” Zelda said, her voice sounding as if it were coming from the bottom of a well. “Something that I can’t un-know, no matter how much I wish I could forget it and go back to not-knowing. Information that is not only dangerous, but will be devastating once it becomes public knowledge, and I haven’t figured out how I’m going to live with it yet.”

Lilith’s stomach twisted into a knot. “I’m sorr—”

“Stop. Apologizing!” Zelda insisted, her voice cracking. Her eyes snapped from the window back to Lilith. They were flashing along with the lightning, like there was a storm about to break inside her.

Zelda blinked, before taking a shuddering breath. “I thought you’d gathered by now that it’s not simply a matter of keeping things hidden from the paparazzi.”

Lilith bit the inside of her cheek, trying not to say anything that might stop Zelda from sharing whatever was weighing her down.

“If… if any of this becomes public before the trial, or through the trial, I can see exactly how I will lose my children. If Marie is right, I don’t have a chance of convincing a jury of my peers that I’m a fit mother. And how can I possibly argue against it all, once it’s out?”

Lilith was having trouble following what exactly was the cause of Zelda’s concern, and how Marie had been the one to reveal whatever it was to her. “Once what is out? Being pregnant after a divorce isn’t a crime. Is it that Marie told you the baby is boy? Why should that matter to a jury?”

Another flash of light. Another clap of thunder.

Another full-body flinch.

Zelda was biting her bottom lip so hard Lilith was afraid it would bleed. She reached out to take Zelda’s hand. She was surprised when Zelda took it without looking.

“You don’t have to tell me why. I just want you to know that I think if you were honest with the court about what’s going on, I don’t think they’d ever dream of letting Faustus have the children.”

Before Zelda had the chance to answer, there was a brief knock at the door. Hilda bustled in, despite the fact that no one had said “come in.”

Zelda dropped Lilith’s hand immediately, but her sister had already seen it.

“Look at you two turtle doves!” said Hilda, though her facial expression was less cheerful than her words. “I thought I’d come up to see if you needed anything. Most of the company is gone—they wanted to beat the storm. I told Prudence to stay; I didn’t think you’d want her going back on her own—”

“Of course not,” said Zelda, standing from the bed to put more distance between her and Lilith. “Prudence is staying here. She’s eighteen. He has no right to control her.”

Lilith looked from Zelda, who was now standing near the window, back to Hilda, who was picking up the serving tray with a smile on her face.

“That’s what I thought you’d say, Zelds. She and Sabrina can share a room. That just leaves Lilith and Marie to account for.”

“I’m not—”

“Lilith isn’t—”

There was a slight pause as both women looked at each other, before Lilith finished their sentence.

“…staying.”

Hilda quirked an eyebrow, but let the moment pass. “Leticia and Judas seem very taken with Marie. She’s teaching them some sort of rain dance. Prudence, Ambrose, and Sabrina are enjoying it, too.”

“A rain dance?” said Zelda, furrowing her brow. “I thought Leticia was taking a nap?”

Hilda shook her head. “Marie couldn’t get her to go to sleep. Now they’re all in the living room, making the most of the gloomy weather. It’s doing Prudence a world of good, I think, to have something to take her mind off the darkness of the day.”

Lilith looked between Hilda and Zelda, not knowing what to do. “Well, unfortunately, I think it’s time for Marie and I to get going. She can stay with me tonight. There’s no way I’m driving her all the way back to Manhattan in this weather.”

“You shouldn’t be driving in this at all!” said Hilda, her expression scandalized. “Our brother died trying to drive in this sort of weather. We’re not about to let the same thing happen to you!”

Lilith tilted her head in confusion before turning to Zelda. “You never mentioned there was a storm when…”

Thunder rattled the window. Zelda’s hands twitched, as if she wanted to protect her head again, but managed to get the reflex under control. “Edward didn’t die because it was raining.”

“Zelda…” Hilda admonished, but her sister was quick to interrupt her.

“Don’t ‘Zelda’ me, sister. It was a tragic accident; I’m not denying that,” said Zelda, crossing her arms as if she were cold. “But there was an independent investigation by the Scottish police. The Chief Constable told me himself: it was mechanical engine failure, not the bloody rain.”

Lilith suddenly felt like she was missing a big piece of the puzzle. “Wait. The Scottish Police? Why was your brother in Scotland when he died?”

“We were filming Mac…” Suddenly, Zelda stopped herself. She mouthed the rest of the name silently, her eyes blinking as if she were a deer caught in a bright light—and indeed, more lightning illuminated the room as she struggled to find her words. When the moment went on a bit too long, Lilith looked to Hilda for answers, but the younger sister was just silently observing Zelda with a mournful expression.

“…the Scottish Play. It was a big BBC Shakespeare production. My brother was playing Duncan; I was Lady M; Faustus was playing my husband. Lucifer was Macduff, and Diana was…”

Lilith watched with great concern as Zelda's voice became hoarse and tears suddenly appeared in her eyes. Hilda put down the serving tray before rushing to Zelda’s side.

“It’s ok, love. You don’t have to talk about it. It’s in the past.”

Zelda brushed the sleeve of her kimono under her eyes angrily, as if she were furious at herself for crying. “Is it? I’m not so sure.”

“What do you mean, Zelds?” said Hilda as she rubbed her hand soothingly on her sister’s back. “It’s been sixteen years, love. I know you miss him—”

“This isn’t about missing him!” said Zelda, tearing herself away from her sister’s touch.

Lilith was suddenly reminded of Zelda’s breakdown over the soup, when she said she was afraid of what her brother would do if she talked about… something. Clearly, there was a lot Lilith didn’t know about this situation—and by the looks of it, neither did Hilda.

Zelda’s breathing was labored as she walked to her closet. Lilith wasn’t sure if turning her back to them was Zelda’s way of ending the conversation or not, so she exchanged a worried glance with Hilda, who looked ready to cry herself..

“Zelda? Should I leave so you two can talk?” said Lilith, not wanting to intrude on a private moment, but Zelda didn’t respond. She was too busy tearing through her closet, presumably looking for something to wear in order to go downstairs.

Lilith wrestled with the idea of leaving, but there was something about the tense line of Zelda’s shoulders that made her feel she might still be needed to act as the referee between the Spellman sisters.

“What’s all this about, Zelds?” said Hilda, her concern a physical weight in the room.

Zelda paused in her violent rummaging, but only for a moment. “Diana has been on my mind, lately. That’s all.”

Lilith had well and truly lost the plot at that point, and it seemed so, too, had her sister, who was looking at Zelda like she’d gone mad.

“She was playing Lucifer’s wife when she died,” Zelda murmured, almost too quietly for Lilith to hear.

Lilith’s mind, which had previously been whirling with thoughts, ground to a halt. What was Zelda implying? She wouldn’t put it past Lucifer to harass any woman on a set who was within his general proximity, but murder? What on earth would Lucifer gain by killing a woman he hardly knew? In the middle of filming a movie, no less?

“Zelds, are you sure you didn’t hit your head when you fell in the forest? You sound a bit… out of sorts, love,” said Hilda, her normally cheerful disposition replaced by an alarmed look.

“I didn’t hit my head, Hildegard,” said Zelda in a tone that brooked no argument as she grabbed a black ensemble that looked more suited for a funeral than anything else, though Lilith would never say as much. “Now, would you leave me be so that I can get dressed?”

Hilda looked like she was about to refuse, but relented when Zelda turned back around with fierceness in her eyes, rather than grief. “You can trust me to dress myself, can’t you?”

Hilda was about to respond, but stopped when she saw Zelda turn to Lilith with a seductive smile.

“Although, I wouldn’t mind having someone to help me undress,” Zelda purred.

Lilith’s face flushed with heat as Hilda sputtered.

“I’ll just—head on out then—” Hilda grabbed the dinner tray and practically sprinted for the door.

Once they were alone, Lilith expected Zelda to stop her flirtation, but was taken completely by surprise when Zelda instead pressed the black dress into Lilith’s hands before letting her kimono slip off of her shoulders.

“I hope you don’t think me too forward,” said Zelda, in that same husky tone she’d used to scare Hilda away.

Lilith blinked three times, her brain unable to process how quickly the tides had turned. One moment, Zelda seemed to be in emotional turmoil, lost in a distressing memory, and the next, she was undressing in front of her…?

“I’m sorry,” said Lilith, as Zelda stepped into her space. “I don’t… I don’t think I understand what’s going on.”

“You wound me,” Zelda reproached, her eyes dropping to Lilith’s lips. “Usually when I take off my clothes, people don’t have trouble understanding.”

Lilith’s gaze went to Zelda’s red lips, and then back up to her eyes, incredibly worried by this turn of events. “Zelda, what…?”

Zelda reached for one of the straps of her nightgown, and was in the process of slipping the other off, too, when Lilith reached out to stop her.

“Zelda, why are you doing this all of the sudden? What’s wrong?”

“I’ve decided I’d rather have sex than talk,” Zelda said, slapping Lilith’s staying hand away. “The storm is raging outside. You can’t very well leave, and if you’re not leaving, we might as well enjoy ourselves. Are you saying you don’t find me attractive?”

Zelda let her nightgown fall to the ground, leaving her clad only in a satin bra and panties, but Lilith immediately turned her back, not wanting to take advantage of… whatever this was.

“Zelda, you’re upset. You’ve had an incredibly traumatic and exhausting day. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“On the contrary, I think you’re becoming the one thing I’m very, very clear about.”

Zelda pressed her body against Lilith’s back, wrapping her arms around her waist. Lilith was frozen in place, still clutching the black dress in her hands, and unsure what to do or say to ensure Zelda didn’t do something she might regret.

“Zelda, I don’t mean to insult you, because I am very much attracted to you, and would love to do this if it felt right, but it doesn’t feel right to me. You were just talking about Lucifer murdering your sister-in-law!”

Immediately, Zelda jumped away, as if she’d been burned. “I didn’t say that! That’s not… that’s not what I said. Don’t… don’t twist my words and then say that sort of thing out loud! It’s dangerous!”

Lilith turned around, focusing intently on Zelda’s face, and not her nearly-naked body. “Then what were you saying?”

“I wasn’t saying anything at all!” Zelda’s eyes were wide with a kind of abject fear that bordered on hysteria. “Just forget I said anything. I just didn’t want you driving in the storm. You never know what could go wrong with your car!”

Lilith’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why would something go wrong with my car? Zelda, you’re not making any sense. Maybe Hilda was right—maybe you did hit your head. I should go get Marie—”

“No! No,” said Zelda, reaching towards Lilith to keep her from leaving. “Please don’t. I don’t want another examination.”

Zelda’s grip was so tight, it verged on bruising. “Zelda, there’s clearly something wrong—”

“I’ll do whatever you want!” said Zelda, her eyes pleading. “I promise, I’ll be good, just don’t tell anyone what I said about the car! Or Lucifer! Or… or any of it!”

Lilith’s chest hurt at the thought that Zelda still didn’t trust her, but she was even more concerned by all of the begging. “Zelda, I’m not going to tell anyone, because I don’t even understand what you’re trying to tell me—or what you’re trying not to tell me. If you actually told me what was wrong, I might be able to help you—”

At this, Zelda dropped very suddenly to her knees. Lilith was completely baffled as Zelda reached to undo Lilith’s belt. “You can help me right now. Just tell me what to do to make you feel good and I’ll do it!”

“Zelda, what the hell—”

Zelda had the belt off in record time, which prompted Lilith to throw the black dress she was holding to the side in favor of having both hands free to wrestle the belt back. Zelda was surprisingly strong for someone who had been too weak to walk unaided earlier in the day.

“I just want to forget. Can’t you help me forget?” said Zelda, eventually giving up and letting go of the belt, which had the unintended effect of making Lilith lose her balance, having not expected the sudden release.

Lilith’s back hit the floor only a moment before she felt a weight on top of her.

“I can make you feel very good, you know,” said Zelda, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. “I’ve been told I’m a very… gifted lover.”

Not wanting Zelda to succeed in taking off her bra, Lilith flipped their positions, trying very hard to be gentle as she did it. She could already see bruises forming along Zelda’s arms and legs from her earlier fall in the woods. Lilith didn’t want to add to them.

Zelda was panting beneath her, clearly winded from their abrupt change in positions. Lilith took advantage of the moment to take Zelda’s hands in hers.

“Zelda, please, listen to me. I’m not saying ‘no’ because I don’t want to do this with you; I’m saying ‘no’ because you’re clearly only doing this because you’re overwhelmed by what you’re feeling, and you don’t want to feel it anymore.”

“What are you, a therapist?” said Zelda, struggling against Lilith’s hold on her wrists. “It isn’t a secret that I’ve had a lot of sex with a lot of people. I’m not ashamed of it, so stop psychoanalyzing me to try and make me ashamed.”

“I’m not shaming you!” said Lilith, frustration creeping into her tone. “I’m telling you this isn’t healthy, and it isn’t right. Having sex with me won’t fix whatever is going on inside your head.”

“Let go of me,” Zelda said, struggling harder against Lilith. “I don’t need a fucking lecture right now.”

“If I let you go, are you going to stop trying to seduce me?” said Lilith, loosening her grip when Zelda suddenly went limp in her hands.

“If you really want me to stop, I’ll stop. I’ll do whatever you tell me to,” said Zelda, her voice utterly defeated. “I’m sorry. I’ll be good. I promise.”

The food in Lilith’s stomach churned with revulsion. “I’m not... Zelda, you don’t have to ‘be good.’ You don’t have to blindly do whatever I tell you. Just in this specific case, I’m not comfortable having sex with you right now, and I’d really like it if we could talk about what’s making you feel like this instead.”

But Zelda was no longer looking at Lilith. She’d let her head fall to the side, and was staring off into space.

“Zelda? Are you listening?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” said Zelda, and indeed, her pale face suddenly had a green tinge to it.

Lilith scrambled off of her, belatedly thinking about the fact that she’d just been wrestling with a pregnant woman.

Locating the tiny trash bin in the corner of the room, Lilith had barely finished setting it down next to her when Zelda lost her dinner. As Lilith gathered the waves of red curls away from her face, she was struck by how intimate it was to be sitting on the floor with a nearly-naked woman, holding her hair back while she was sick.

“I’m sorry,” Zelda breathed, once her stomach had begun to settle again. “Really, Lilith, I… I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to… to pressure you, or make you uncomfortable. Sometimes I forget that not everyone is as… open to relationships… as I am.”

Lilith shook her head. “You don’t have to apologize. I get it—you’ve had a really, really bad day. It’s only natural to want some—uh—comfort, after all of that.”

“Even so,” said Zelda, her eyes filled with a mixture of sadness, sickness, and guilt. “I had no right to try and convince you to do something you’d already refused. It wasn’t right, and I hope you’ll accept my apology.”

Rather than answer right away, Lilith got up to retrieve Zelda’s kimono, so that she might cover up if they were going to keep talking. Lilith was also worried about Zelda catching a chill, as gooseflesh had erupted on her skin at some point during the retching.

Looking at Zelda’s genuinely remorseful expression as she accepted the kimono made Lilith’s stomach ache. In all her years of being violently abused by Lucifer, he’d never once apologized for any of what he did to her, and here Zelda was apologizing for a proposition that, in the grand scheme of things, hadn’t even made it very far in the first place.

“I accept your apology. And I’m sorry for flipping you like that. In retrospect, that wasn’t the smartest thing to do to a pregnant woman.”

Zelda’s face fell. Lilith had trouble deciphering the darkness that suddenly consumed her expression.

Eventually, Zelda spoke again, “I don’t know. If you’d done it harder, a lot of my problems would’ve been solved.”

Lilith’s mouth went dry. This wasn’t the first time Zelda had implied she might not want to keep the baby. But if that was the case, there was a dwindling window of time for that decision to be made.

“You don’t have to keep it, you know,” said Lilith, searching Zelda’s face for any indication that this was a subject that shouldn’t be addressed. “I know you’ve wanted a child of your own in the past, but if this baby is distressing to you, and putting you in danger… and the circumstances around its conception weren’t… weren’t good, it’s okay to not want to carry it to term.”

Zelda had a faraway look as she shook her head slowly from side to side. “I would never get an abortion. I can’t imagine what the consequences of doing that would be. I just… I just think that if I were to have another miscarriage…” Zelda trailed off, her voice small, “…it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I would be able to make peace with it easier than I have in the past, I think.”

Lilith nodded. “I understand what you mean. I just want you to know that I’d support any decision you made.”

For a moment, they just looked at each other. Neither woman knew what else to say. After all, they were sitting on the floor, after a failed seduction that ended in Zelda losing her dinner.

Eventually, it was clear that something between them had shifted, and so Lilith reached out to take Zelda’s hand. She entwined their fingers, hoping it would offer her some comfort, but she was dismayed to see Zelda’s body begin to shake, almost as if she was about to start crying, but hadn’t reached the stage of tears yet.

“It’s okay. You can cry if you want,” said Lilith, squeezing Zelda’s hand. “If there were ever a day where it was okay to cry, it would be today. After all, it’s not every day you challenge a bear and live to tell the tale.”

Lilith had been trying to lighten things up even as she offered support for how grim things were, but Zelda didn’t seem bolstered by her words. In fact, they only seemed to make her shaking worse.

When Zelda spoke, it was through shuddering breaths. “I’ve come to realize… just now, in this very minute… that there’s something I have to tell you, that I never thought I’d tell anyone as long as I lived. Because what you just said—I think you’re absolutely right—I almost died today, and someone needs to know what I know, in case… in case I don’t make it through whatever is to come.”

Lilith’s heart leapt into her throat at the seriousness of Zelda’s words. “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t breathe a word.”

“I’m not sure you’ll be able to keep that promise, once I tell you,” said Zelda, her eyes flittering about the room, as if she was afraid someone might be listening in. “That’s why I haven’t told anyone, because I doubt they would keep it to themselves if I did. It’s just… it’s not the kind of secret that most people would be able to keep for as long as I have.”

Lilith’s body filled with dread. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know this secret anymore. But Zelda seemed to be having a reckoning of sorts, and so Lilith would never try to stop her.

“The… the leverage Lucifer has over me,” Zelda’s wandering gaze eventually settled on the old family picture on the vanity that Lilith had observed earlier, “it’s related to… to Sabrina.”

Lilith’s mind went blank. Whatever secret she’d thought Zelda had been about to share, it wasn’t that. “What?”

“I c-can’t…” Zelda struggled to rally herself, “I can’t talk about the reason. The information would destroy my family, and possibly put them all in very serious and immediate danger,” Zelda jolted as another clap of thunder sounded, “but I want you to know that if I die… Lucifer might take that as an opportunity to… to express interest in Sabrina. If that happens, I need you to put a stop to it, no matter what he says—no matter what claims he makes… I need you to take care of it. I trust you to take care of it, because you already know what he’s capable of.”

Lilith felt incredibly lightheaded. Was the room spinning, or was she? All she knew for sure was that Zelda’s whole body was shaking with the weight of this secret, and so Lilith wanted to reach out to her, but couldn’t, because what the fuck did Zelda just say?

Lilith remembered the way Lucifer had been loitering outside the women’s bathroom, waiting for Sabrina to emerge with that disgusting smile on his face. She remembered the sexual innuendos he’d thrown the girl’s way, that very much hadn’t gone unnoticed by Sabrina. She also recalled Sabrina’s words to Hilda, about how he’d been pestering her with unwanted looks and touches.

What a sick fucking bastard.

Lilith tried to compose herself—to pull herself together, and tamp down on her rage—but fuck, it was hard to do. “I know you might not be able to tell me more, so I won’t ask for anything specific,” said Lilith slowly, choosing her words as carefully as she could even when she felt like screaming, “but is this why you spent that weekend with him? You did it to protect Sabrina?”

At this point, tears were once more flowing down Zelda’s face. “I made a deal with him, back when Edward and Diana died. But he’s… he’s not satisfied with it anymore. So, I was trying to… to persuade him to take a new deal.”

Lilith felt like she was going to be sick. “And was he? Persuaded?”

Zelda’s face turned green again. Anticipating what was about to happen, Lilith reached to gather Zelda’s hair back before she bent over the trash bin and retched into it once more.

Even with her body bent over the trash, Zelda managed to collect herself enough to say between heaves, “He… he was an animal. A beast. I’ve known my share of violent men, but he…”

Lilith shook her head, despite knowing Zelda couldn’t see the gesture with her own head in the trash. “You don’t have to tell me—”

Zelda gave a final retch before she lifted her head up, wiping her sleeve across her mouth. Lilith let go of her hair, sensing she might be done, and wanting them to be face to face if they were going to have this conversation.

“Did he…” Zelda’s voice was breathless after all of her exertion. “Was he like that with you?”

Lilith wanted to lie, despite knowing Zelda would see right through it. Her pain was private, and old… but she could tell that Zelda needed to hear it more than Lilith needed to keep her pain to herself.

“Not always. When we first got together, he was charm itself. The whole first year that we dated, I could’ve sworn we were soul mates,” said Lilith, shaking her head to fight off the memories. “But then he just… he changed. He became violent and controlling… and just so damn… cruel.”

Zelda nodded. “Faustus was the same. We were children together, so I thought I knew him inside and out… but I guess I was wrong.”

A question occurred to Lilith, but she wasn’t sure now was the time to ask, when so much pain had already been shared… but then again, they might not ever have this kind of heart to heart ever again.

“You don’t have to answer this question,” said Lilith, still struggling to control her rage at all she’d just learned, “but I’ve been wanting to ask since you told me there was more than one potential father…”

Zelda wiped at her face, trying to stem the flow of tears. Lilith nearly lost her nerve, but decided this might be the only chance she’d ever get to ask. “Did Blackwood… hurt you? Right after Lucifer did?”

Zelda didn’t immediately answer. Instead, she ran her fingers through her hair, as if to stall for time.

“I’m sorry, it’s none of my business—”

“He… it’s complicated,” Zelda quietly interrupted, her voice small. “He was furious at Lucifer. At what he’d done to me. I’ve never seen him so angry on my behalf, rather than at me. He doted on me for days. And then when he wanted to… do things, I still hadn’t recovered enough for… that sort of thing, but I didn’t say anything because he was treating me better than he had for our entire marriage, and I don’t think he meant to hurt me. For once, he was almost… sweet. It reminded me of when we were teenagers…” Zelda trailed off, but then blinked rapidly, as if she hadn’t realized she’d still been talking out loud. “So, no. Faustus didn’t hurt me. At least, not intentionally.”

Lilith was about to respond when there was a knock at the door. Not wanting to be found sitting on the floor next to a trash can full of vomit, Zelda shouted, “One minute!” as she struggled to stand. Lilith helped her up, before moving quickly to hide the trash can in the closet.

With that done, they both looked at the state of each other—with Zelda wearing a kimono with nothing underneath, and Lilith missing a belt—and seemed to come to the same conclusion, that they ought to make it look like they’d spent all of this time being romantic, rather than crying and baring their souls to each other.

Chérie? Mon amie? I can come in, yes?”

Lilith was the first to move. She reached out to Zelda, pulling her in for an embrace. Zelda accepted the hug without protest, allowing herself to sink into Lilith’s arms.

“You can come in,” said Lilith, as Zelda’s red and tear-stained face was buried in her neck.

Marie looked at them with a smug expression. “Hilda told me you wanted to be alone, but I thought I should come check you weren’t doing anything that would be bad for my patient, yes?”

Lilith knew her face must be red as a tomato. Though she hadn’t cried, she was sure she looked like hell, and yet, Marie seemed to be attributing this to romance, as she’d hoped.

“Is hugging on the list of acceptable activities?” said Lilith, slightly worried as she felt Zelda’s tears against her neck.

Oui,” said Marie, a fond smile lighting up her face. “Also, I want to know if we are staying the night? The strange man with the weird clothes says he used to be the, how you say, weather-man, and the storm is here to stay. Hilda has fear of the car crashing. Her spirit is heavy as she says this, so I do not think we should weigh it down more by leaving, n’est-ce pas?”

“Where would we sleep?” said Lilith, even as she was momentarily distracted by Zelda’s fingers clutching tighter to her.

“Hilda says the couch turns into the bed. We have slept in worse conditions, eh?”

Zelda lifted her head off of Lilith’s shoulder at that. When she spoke, her voice was still thick from crying, but since she was facing away from the door, still locked in an embrace, Lilith hoped that Marie wouldn’t notice. “Lilith can sleep in my room. That is, only if she wants to.”

Marie tilted her head. “As a doctor I must remind you that only the sleeping should be happening, not—”

“Marie, stop. We don’t need a lecture,” said Lilith. She was surprised by Zelda’s suggestion of sharing a bed, but assumed it had more to do with how emotionally raw she was feeling, rather than the earlier seduction attempt. The storm continued to make itself known, illuminating the room every few minutes with a flash of lightning. “I think staying over tonight might be a good idea. I wouldn’t want to worry Hilda unnecessarily.”

Marie’s face broke into another huge smile before she nodded. “Fantastique. I will tell her we will stay.”

With that, Marie closed the door, and Zelda let out a long breath that managed to be both a sob and sigh. When they ended the embrace, Zelda looked marginally better than when it had begun.

“Are you alright?” Lilith said, reaching to push a lock of hair out of Zelda’s eyes, almost without thought.

“I think I will be,” said Zelda, offering Lilith a watery smile. “I hope you don’t mind me saying that you’d sleep here. I just didn’t want my sister to ask why you were sleeping on the couch when we supposedly just had a… romantic moment after she left the room.”

“I understand,” said Lilith, though she had to admit, her stomach was fluttering at the thought of sharing a bed. “But Marie’s right. We really shouldn’t do anything besides sleep. Not that I expect a second seduction, I just want to make it clear I’m only going to sleep in the bed if sleeping is actually what we’ll do.”

As if on cue, Zelda’s mouth opened wide into a yawn. “I don’t need to be convinced to sleep. I feel like I could sleep for a whole week.”

A second yawn followed the first, bringing a smile to Lilith’s lips. “I guess we should get you into bed, then?”

Zelda made a noise of approval, but started walking towards the door, rather than the bed.

“Uh, Zelda? Where are you going?” Lilith asked.

“I believe I told my daughter I’d tuck her in before I went to bed,” said Zelda, flashing a small smile over her shoulder. “And that’s a promise I never intend to break.”

Notes:

please leave a comment, if you have a moment. this was a really hard chapter to write, and I'd really appreciate hearing your thoughts!