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The Once and Future Three

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So Taeil tells him he’s the Chosen One. Donghyuck personally thinks it’s a load of crap, but also Moon Taeil is one of the few humans Donghyuck would do literally anything for, so he’s willing to give this Chosen One nonsense a try.

The problem, Donghyuck quickly realizes, is that he and Taeil have very different ideas of what “try” actually means, and being some type of foretold hero is actually a lot of work. The only reason Donghyuck has an actual job is because he needs money to buy new clothes and he needs new clothes to live. (“It’s not an addiction, Yoonoh. Fuck you, dude.”) Hero-ing is not his actual job and definitely does not help put more money in Donghyuck’s wallet, so it’s kind of not worth the effort in his opinion. Taeil, compulsive rule-follower that he is, tends to bluster angrily whenever Donghyuck shares this opinion and asks if helping save the world isn’t compensation enough.

“It is not,” Donghyuck tells Taeil flatly. “The only payment I’ll accept for this hero business is money.” He pauses thoughtfully. “Or kisses. I’d accept both but you’ve given me neither.”

Taeil rolls his eyes. Donghyuck’s never been shy about his...admiration (read: infatuation, adoration, heartfelt lust, and so on) for Taeil, and at this point Taeil’s barely even phased. “The hero’s supposed to be kissing a helpless royal in a tower. Not the old-man wizard who teaches him how to fight.”

Donghyuck takes issue with this argument for a number of reasons, but starts with the most important. “Don’t you throw the old man card in my face. You said when I was of age--”

Taeil interrupts and says, quietly, “Six years is nothing to scoff at, Hyuck.”

“We’re two consenting adults,” Donghyuck insists. “Besides, you promised!”

He’s right, of course, Taeil did promise. And it’s not like Taeil’s immune to Donghyuck’s charm or uninterested. He’s just trying really hard to do this hero-mentor thing right, and Donghyuck is making that very difficult.

“But am I making it hard?” Donghyuck asks cheekily, wrinkling his eyebrows. “Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship after all. Also, my horoscope told me that if I’m pursuing something romantic today I need to ‘Work it!’ because I cause ‘bountiful sparks’ and I really need to know if my efforts are effective.”

“You realize we have the same horoscope, right? Since we’re both Geminis?”

“Don’t worry, hyung. You’re definitely sparking something in me.”

Taeil shoves him and says, “Don’t be gross, Hyuck.” But he’s blushing, so Donghyuck considers it a win.

Once they’re official, they’re Official © .

Taeil can’t sit down without Donghyuck attaching himself to Taeil’s back like a barnacle, his arms hanging over Taeil’s shoulders, his legs around Taeil’s waist, and his face in Taeil’s neck. They hold hands always, though this becomes a bit of a problem when Taeil visits Donghyuck at the convenience store where he works and Donghyuck tries to man the register one-handed. He gets yelled at by his boss but Donghyuck thinks it’s worth it. Taeil tries to argue that a hero wouldn’t get in trouble at work, and Donghyuck remarks that he’s never heard of a fairy tale hero who is forced to work the red-eye shift at 7-Eleven three nights a week.

“Are you sure you’re not the hero?” he asks Taeil. “I’ll be your damsel in distress.”

But no, Taeil swears that Donghyuck’s the One and that they really have to start getting serious about this hero business if Donghyuck’s going to have any hope of defeating The Villain.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Donghyuck holds up a hand to pause the conversation, confused and, frankly, affronted. “You never mentioned anything about me fighting a bad guy. Also, you don’t think I’d win? Rude. Also also , I don’t want to fight anyone. Like, whatever, I’d win, but that sounds like a lot of work.”

Taeil makes him check out The Villain anyway.

Well, when Taeil says check out, he means a whole bunch of research (too much work) and probably a stakeout or two (again, so much work) to determine how evil The Villain truly is.

When Donghyuck says check out, he means it very, very literally.

In his defense, The Villain happens to be super hot.

Yeah, okay, Donghyuck said it, his mortal enemy is sexy cute, so there. Taeil can suck it, literally, and, oh, wouldn’t it be fun if The Villain joined in as well?

“No, Donghyuck,” Taeil tells him, trying to be serious but not doing a great job because Donghyuck looks so damned pleased with himself. He’s hard for Taeil to resist when he looks this happy.

“No,” Taeil repeats, rallying himself and really sounding like he means it this time. “No one will be sucking anyone’s dicks, especially not if the world ends because you tried to seduce The Villain instead of defeat him.”

Offended, Donghyuck argues that 1) his seduction technique is flawless , no trying necessary, and 2) there’s more than one way to make a boy cry. (* insert Donghyuck’s obnoxiously cheeky winky face here *).

Taeil, unimpressed, tells him to stop talking, they’re on a stakeout.

The Villain, it turns out, is actually a pretty ordinary-seeming guy named Mark Lee. He corrals preschool kids for a living and volunteers at an animal shelter one weekend a month. He even goes to church! Donghyuck is frankly very disappointed how not villainous The Villain is.

“He could be hiding hidden evils,” Taeil tries to argue.

“No kink shaming,” chides Donghyuck, and that’s the end of that.

Taeil comes up with a disgustingly complicated plan for Mark and Donghyuck to meet “accidentally.” Donghyuck takes one look at the lamenated, bulleted outline, and literally laughs out loud.

“You’re taking this way too serious, hyung,” he tells Taeil with amusement still clear in his tone. “We’ve already established that this guy is harmless.”

You’ve established,” Taeil interrupts, grumbling under his breath. “I had nothing to do with that.”

Donghyuck waves a hand at his boyfriend, undeterred. “Whatever, hyung, you thought he was hot too, I know it. Anyway, I think we should just show up and say ‘hey man, are you up to anything crazy nefarious because if not, want to date us?’”

“I won’t even ask how you know the word nefarious, but still can’t remember to wear your work uniform half the time.”

Donghyuck shrugs; while this is truly one of the great mysteries of the world, it’s not important at this very moment. Instead, Donghyuck really strongly feels like they need to visit Mark at work, and he basically argues his point and whines about it until Taeil gives in.

“For the record,” Taeil says as they cross the block from the 7-Eleven to the preschool, “I think this is a terrible idea.”

Donghyuck stops and turns to face his boyfriend, his expression uncharacteristically thoughtful. “If you’re truly not comfortable with this, we don’t have to go in,” he tells Taeil softly. “I know I joke a lot, but your feelings always come first for me.”

Smiling, Taeil cups Donghyuck’s cheeky and kisses him sweetly. “I know, Hyuck. And I appreciate you thinking of me. But if I really had an issue I wouldn’t have come with, okay?” Donghyuck nods against Taeil’s palm and steals another kiss.

As they walk into the preschool hand-in-hand, Taeil tells Donghyuck “You’re the best boyfriend” and Donghyuck, cheekily, replies “Well, of course. I’m the Chosen One, aren’t I?” Taeil swats at him in fond exasperation, and Donghyuck grabs his hand to pull Taeil close for more kisses.

They’re close enough that Donghyuck can feel Taeil’s breath against his lips when someone suddenly clears their throat.

“I’m sorry,” Mark Lee, The Villain and preschool teacher extraordinaire says, “but what?”

“This is my boyfriend, Taeil,” Donghyuck, pathologically incapable of embarrassment,  answers promptly. “I’m Donghyuck.”

“That’s nice,” Mark replies. He’s understandably confused. “You’re too old for this school.”

“Well, now, I’m not sure,” says Donghyuck, waggling his eyebrows. “I feel like there’s a thing or two you could teach us.”

“Hyuck!” Taeil hisses. “There are children present! Remember who you’re supposed to be!”

“I’m a hero,” Donghyuck tells Mark’s enraptured students knowingly. “Doesn’t Mr. Lee make such a pretty princess in a tower?”

There’s a chorus of agreement as Mark flushes and Taeil rolls his eyes.

“I’m sorry about him,” Taeil apologizes. “Hyuck has no boundaries sometimes.”

“We want to date you,” Donghyuck blurts, and Taeil gestures his way as if to say ‘See, what’d I tell you?’

Mark gapes cutely, clearly not expecting to be propositioned so blatantly. He agrees though (which honestly surprises everyone except the preschoolers) and that’s what matters here.

They take him to dinner and Taeil pays.

“Hyuck’s got a job too,” he explains as they walk side-by-side-by-side through the park after they eat. “But I don’t want you thinking he’s the only interested party here.”

Mark considers this then admits shyly, “I’m glad actually. You two balance each other really well, you know? I’m not sure we’d be good for each other individually, but I can see this working out with all three of us.”

“Also,” Donghyuck comments, “consider the sex.”

Mark and Taeil groan simultaneously, and Donghyuck knows the three of them will work out just fine.


They do, eventually, have sex.

Somehow, despite the fact that Taeil and Donghyuck live together and it’s therefore incredibly more convenient to get hot and heavy at their apartment instead of sexiling Mark’s flatmate, they end up at Mark’s place anyway.

Post coitus, as they lie all tangled up and piled together on Mark’s too-small bed, Mark’s cat hops onto the mattress and daintily arranges herself on Donghyuck’s naked chest.

“You own a cat?” Donghyuck asks, horrified.

Mark looks like he doesn’t understand the problem.

Taeil nods sagely. With his lips pressed against Mark’s neck and his hand in Donghyuck’s hair he says, contentedly, “Well at least that explains the villain thing.”