Have you ever had the craziest idea that leaves you both excited and nervous at the same time? Like it seems like such a great idea at the time but you know it could get you in such deep shit that you couldn’t find your way out of it if you tried?
That’s how Michael is feeling right now looking at Alex’s apartment door in Santa Fe. He had decided to come up for the week willy nilly a month after they reconnected back in Roswell.
They’ve been texting and talking over the phone (some PG moments, others not-so-PG moments) and Michael has been loving it. It’s been fantastic and great, and everything he’s ever wanted between the two of them because they’ve gotten to know one another through them.
He knows now that Alex is a crazy amazing mechanic who is self-taught on how to fix things through just working problems out on his own, he knows that Adrian is attending the University of New Mexico and Alex is nervous about him being out on his own, and he knows that Alex is a terrible empty nester because he’s up all hours of the night banging around since Adrian didn’t know what the word “quiet” meant.
And now Michael is here, on the other side of the door, with his nerves eating away at him.
It’s like looking at an equation that he doesn’t know how to solve when he’s finally come face-to-face with it. He doesn’t know if he should run away with his tail between his legs or knock on the door and hope Alex greets him warmly.
Though, Michael didn’t give any prior notice to him actually coming…
Needing no other prompting, Michael reaches for the door handle and finds that it’s locked.
That’s the moment Michael starts to panic as he tries to think of a way to let himself in without using his powers, but the more he panics, the more he realizes that he has no other option than to break into the apartment.
He whines as he grasps the door handle again and uses his powers to unlock the door from the outside hoping beyond hope that Alex really is in bed this early in the morning and not sitting just beyond the door waiting to catch him in the act as he blatantly lets himself into his former boyfriend's apartment.
Taking a deep breath, he opens the door to find a dark and empty living room. Alex wasn’t sitting there in the dark waiting for him like some super spy that’d just been waiting to catch him in the act either so it feels a bit anticlimactic, but also terribly relieving to Michael’s nerves as he shuts the door behind him and relocks it.
He silently looks around trying to get his bearings as he sees the kitchen off to the right in the back, the living room right in front of him, and then the dining room off to the left in the back. It was modest and spacious at the same time. It was well lived in with all the mix-matched furniture that was strewn around as Michael walked around it in the dark in order to get to the short hallway set snuggly between the kitchen and dining area.
The short hallway boasted three doors, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. The bathroom was a full one with a shower/bathtub combo at the far end, the toilet and sink are on the left side of the room and it was decorated with all manner of things on the sink that spoke of one person trying to live as two.
The first bedroom was undoubtedly Adrian’s as it spoke of a kid that had the best education that money could buy while also showing his interest in mechanics in the blueprints hanging from all four walls of cars, the first spaceship, and a submarine of all things. This kid was definitely someone Michael should’ve gotten to know better before he went off to University.
Now, however, he turned his interests towards the bedroom at the end of the hallway.
That one is Alex’s, it has to be.
As Michael opened the door as silently as he could, he saw the love of his life asleep under his blanket looking peaceful.
It has Michael just standing there wondering if he was actually there or if this was some sort of sick Twilight Zone episode where Alex will automatically wake up and have empty eye sockets which will then hypnotize him to make him dance around like a monkey with marionette strings attached to his wrists and ankles.
“I can hear you thinking from here” Alex grumbles before he switches his position to his back just to pat the opposite side of the bed lazily seeming to just starfish out on the bed.
Spell and horrific imagery broken, Michael walks into the room and to the opposite side of Alex’s bed where he sits in order to take off the flannel he has over the white shirt he’s wearing underneath and then proceeds to take off his pants and boots as well leaving him in nothing but the white shirt and his black boxer briefs.
Michael doesn’t know how tired he actually is until he slips under the blankets and into Alex’s arms.
The horrific images die away, his panic slips into silence, and all of the thoughts in his head seem to go quiet as he goes into Alex’s waiting embrace.
Damn does being this close feel good. Everything just seems to slot into place when he’s around Alex.
His body temperature seems to have a negative effect on Alex though as the black-haired man scrunches up his face and kicks off the blanket and sheet which seems to do little for him.
If Michael pulls them both back up and turns on the portable air conditioner in the corner telekinetically, well, Alex’s eyes aren’t open so he remains none the wiser, and it seems to help him in the end as he eases back into sleep.
Whatever Michael can do for Alex, he’ll do it to save him from having any more interrupted nights where Adrian’s absence disturbs his slumber.
When the late morning sun starts streaming through the window, the two of them groan in sync when it makes its way past the cloud of darkness over their eyes and Michael takes the initiative to burrow his face into Alex’s neck while, Alex himself, grabs the pillow from the other side of the bed just to plop it down over his face.
They weren’t morning people by any meaning, and Michael’s brain hasn’t woken up and started running so he is going to enjoy every extra minute he’ll be allowed to just lie in bed with Alex, and isn’t that strange to think.
He was sleeping in Alex’s bed in Santa Fe, and not in his bunk in his Airstream in Roswell.
Did he forget to mention he told no one where he was going?
The phone that starts buzzing is definitely not Alex’s so Michael knows it has to be his, but whoever is calling, can wait until he’s good and ready to get up from the cocoon that is the beautiful man under him and the comfy blanket/sheet over him.
“If it’s Adrian, he’s your son before noon” Alex mumbled from underneath the pillow.
Groaning once more, but for a different reason, Michael kisses Alex’s neck before getting out from under the covers and starts making his way to his jeans where his cellphone had been left behind.
Sniffing, Michael sees that Max is calling him making him wish his brother would’ve left him alone for a bit longer, but it’d be like asking the Gods for a miracle.
Max Evans never gives up.
As Michael walks into the living room, he finally answers the phone.
“Michael, where are you? I’m at your Airstream and you’re not here.”
“You checked any of my usual haunts?” Michael asks trying to avoid telling his brother where he is for the moment.
“You’re at none of them, and you’re not down in your bunker either so where are you?”
“I’m uh, I’m in Santa Fe” Michael admits.
“What could you possibly need in Santa Fe?”
The first thing that comes to Michael’s mind is “car parts”, but Max has an unusual knack for knowing when Michael is lying; even when Michael was lying to himself, Max knew he was doing it.
“Alex, Alex is up here and I wanted to see him.”
“He doesn’t know, and he might never know” Michael reassures him even though Max doesn’t have a leg to stand on since he basically outed them the first night Liz Ortecho came back into town.
“It’s not about him knowing, it’s about him moving on with his life. He has a kid, Michael.”
“Funny seeing as the only pictures he has in his apartment are mostly of him and Adrian. There’s no woman, besides the few he has of Liz and Maria, up on the walls or on the bookshelves.”
“That doesn’t mean he isn’t seeing someone.”
“Maybe, but right now I’m taking a chance that something could happen between the both of us. You’ve known for years, Max, that the only time I’ll ever be over Alex is when I’m dead, and maybe even then I won’t be.”
“You can’t just jump into his life and know he’ll accept you with open arms. People don’t work like that, Alex doesn’t work like that.”
“And what the fuck do you know about Alex? Nothing, cause you were too busy making goo-goo eyes at Liz to pay attention to him past a passing glance” Michael growled out to him knowing that with his anger came floating objects but he just couldn’t find it in himself to care at the moment.
“Come back home, Michael, there’s no reason for you to be up there.”
“Fuck off, Max.”
Michael angrly pressed the red button on his phone as his anger was getting the best of him. A few things were floating up into the air in the room around him as he stewed in what Max was trying to convince him about.
Max was saying that Alex, who Michael had just been in bed with, has moved on without him in a matter of a month. If Alex was with someone else he had seventeen years to settle down with someone else, but there is no one else. There are no pictures of people on the walls that he’s in intimate poses with, no one that looks like they are anything more than friends and coworkers; the people that you collect over years of working with them at the same place.
“Well, this makes my suspicion confirmed” came Alex’s sleep-rough voice from the opening of the hallway.
He startles Michael out of his angry stewing causing the furniture and some pictures to immediately crash back down from where they’d been floating.
“And there goes Adrian’s baby handprint” Alex says as he looks at the broken clay print that read “Adrian Charles Guerin March 12, 2009” around it or, well, it had until Michael accidentally broke it.
“Shit, Alex, I’m sorry,” Michael says as he goes over to the broken pottery trying to pick up all the pieces so he could try figuring out how to put them back together.
Alex just shrugs his shoulders and tells him, “There’s some Elmers Glue in the junk cabinet in the kitchen.”
As they both made their way over to the kitchen, Michael started mentally freaking out about what Alex had just seen him do.
“You’re panicking again, and I can hear your thoughts from here,” Alex said as he finds a bottle of Elmer's Glue in the cabinet.
“Why aren’t you freaking out?” Michael asked in a rush trying to get the topic started and finished just as quickly as he could.
“Because Adrian gave me a full two weeks to get used to his before he went off to UNM” Alex replies truthfully knowing that Michael is going to be shell shocked by what he just said, but he would give him all the time in the world to wrap his mind around it.
“What, you’re saying you got an alien pregnant?” Michael asked as he looked over to Alex who was coming towards him with the bottle of paste in his hand and a content look on his face.
“No, I’m saying it’s the other way around,” Alex says seeming to try to get Michael to understand some hidden message in his words, but Michael’s mind was racing too much to pick up on any of the hints in that sentence.
“Huh?” he asks as intelligent as a toddler.
“You got me pregnant, stupid!” Alex exclaims looking like he both wants to kiss Michael and yet, hit him upside the head.
For one blissful minute Michael was looking at Alex’s laughing face and then next the curtains had dropped and Michael was down for the count.
He’d properly blacked out.
I regret nothing!
“Oh dear” was the first thing that came out of Alex’s mouth as he looks down at his passed out boyfriend.
No matter what Michael had yelled at Max, Alex is in this for the long haul if he is putting this much work in to have his son’s father back in his life.
“Well, shit” Alex mutters to himself as he steps over Michael in order to put the broken pieces of clay onto the kitchen table along with the glue before he was forced to assess the situation at hand.
He could leave him there to wake up on his own, or, he could take him to the couch.
But it’s too early to carry that much deadweight despite the fact it’s closing in on 11 am. It’s Saturday, however, and it’s also the day that Adrian likes to FaceTime in order to tell him he hasn’t been shipped off to parts unknown because he’s half-alien.
“Right, blanket and pillow” Alex decides as he grabs a couch pillow and the throw blanket Frank’s wife crocheted for him when Adrian was just a screaming infant.
After situating Michael into a more comfortable position, Alex grabbed his phone off his nightstand and returned to the dining room in order to piece the handprint back together.
This wouldn’t be the first time he pieced it back together nor, he doubts, will it be the last.
It took Michael a grand total of about forty-five minutes to wake up, and another ten to get his bearings which is when Adrian decided that noon-o-clock was a brilliant time to call from UNM.
Answering the call, Alex greets his son with a warm smile, “Hey buddy!”
“Hey, Dad! Why are you up already?”
“Oh, you know, fixing the old clay handprint.”
“Again? You seriously can’t tell me you broke it in a fit of missing me.”
Alex’s smile turns flat as he glares at his son as he keeps putting the pieces back together, “No, that’d be your Father.”
“Wait, what? He’s there?”
“Decided to pay little ole me a visit.”
“I knew going to Roswell was a good idea.”
“Hey, hey, hey! Who was the one that said we were going? There was no you and me in that decision.”
“Yeah, but it was my idea to go to the drive-in” Adrian replies cheekily.
“Cheeky, brat” Alex says with a smirk on his face.
Michael seems to finally understand what’s going on, what Alex had revealed, and that he seemed to be the only one out of the loop in this household.
“Hey, wait a minute, you can’t possibly reveal that Adrian is apparently my kid without some discussion behind this” Michael challenged as he got into Alex’s face as much as he could from across the table.
“Uh-oh, you finally spilled the beans to him, aye?”
“Yep, and he’s reacting just as expected.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Michael asked raising his voice slightly with his anger seeming to increase.
“Calm down, so we can discuss this like the adults we’re trying to pretend to be,” Alex told him not being afraid to glare at him and use the Dad voice that he’d perfected for the last seventeen years.
“I will act any way I want to, Alex. You don’t go dropping bombs like that and expect me to act rationally.”
“No, I expect you to sit down, calm down, and we all discuss this like a family.”
Michael snorts while looking at him, “What family? There’s only ever been you and Adrian. You never once came back to Roswell to tell me about him; like he was some dirty little secret you were hiding away from everyone.”
Alex knows that Michael is lashing out with his words because he’s feeling hurt and vulnerable at the moment, but it doesn’t mean the words didn’t sting any less.
“I am not some dirty little secret, asshole. Dad raised me all by himself to protect me from people that’d wish to see me locked up and dissected. Think before you speak” Adrian growled out, and there was a noticeable tremor on the other side of the phone from where Adrian’s own anger was getting the best of him.
“That doesn’t mean shit, Adrian. He could’ve called to get me up here with some lame excuse just so I could acknowledge you as mine.”
“Then what would you have done? Been happy to play happy little family with Dad while painting a giant target on his back? You even sure he’s safe with you being there right now?” Adrian asked now challenging him.
The anger in the both of them was running rampant causing objects to fly into the air again while the tremors on Adrian’s end got worse and worse.
Alex cut in before the both of them sent out beacons to whoever pays attention to anything strange and abnormal, “Both of you calm the fuck down before I end the call and throw you out, Michael.”
Asserting his authority with Adrian always worked to calm his son down, but Michael was the outlying factor who just couldn’t get it through his thick head when to keep his mouth shut and when to stop stewing in his childhood angst.
Alex knows that Michael’s childhood sucked major ass, and his teenage years weren’t any better but he needs to stop allowing that hurt and anger to control him every time something he doesn’t expect crops up in front of him.
Michael growls at both of them before he goes to Alex’s bedroom.
If the sounds are any indication, Michael was about to make a hasty exit, and it pained Alex knowing that Michael couldn’t, for even a few hours, allow himself to calm down enough to see the bigger picture that’s always painted in front of him.
When Michael leaves, Alex hangs his head as he tries to force his sadness out of his face, but Adrian wouldn’t be his baby boy if he didn’t know his Dad like he did, “Dad, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, baby boy. It’s nobody's fault, but mine. I sprung the revelation on him when he was least expecting it, and it triggered his negative feelings.”
“It’s not your fault, it’s his for not being able to control his anger better.”
Alex shakes his head, “Don’t blame him, his childhood wasn’t the easiest and I knew that when entering into a relationship with him as a teenager, and even now as an adult. I can only speculate, but I think what he needed was someone who knew what a shitty childhood was like and could relate to the hardships he had to go through.”
“But where you turned out someone stronger for it, he turned into someone who was bitter.”
“I wouldn’t say bitter, I’d say more guarded. He feels he needs to hide who he truly is under the anger and hurt so he doesn’t get let down again.”
“But Dad, you haven’t let him down. If anything, you protected him and me from being hurt by people we can’t even see.”
“Maybe, but I should’ve told him of your existence sooner that way he could get to know you by some measure. He’s only finding out after you’re already grown and out of the house” Alex tells him as tears start to fall down his face.
“I really, really was trying to make a relationship with him work. I was being open, honest, and understanding to everything he talked about or when he just needed to vent. I was doing everything right and I still found a way to screw it up” Alex says as he lets himself go right there.
He’s never cried in front of Adrian before, but he just couldn’t help the way his heart was aching over the fact Michael had left him feeling so vulnerable himself.
He should’ve done something, anything, sooner than he did, but he hadn’t and the happiness that he was being able to feel over the last month just got torn away from him in a heartbeat.
“Dad, Dad, don’t cry. I can’t be crying on campus with people around me” Adrian says with his voice wavering as if he’s on the verge of sympathy crying.
“I’m sorry, it just hurts so much to think of what I could’ve possibly done better in order for Michael to still be here. I love you, kiddo, I do, and I know I can’t take anything back I’ve done over the years but I refuse to regret keeping you safe. I wouldn’t take back anything I’ve done for you, but having your Father in my life might’ve helped him feel like a part of the family.”
“You couldn’t have done anything better because you’re the best Dad anyone could ever have. I got into the fucking University of New Mexico because of all you did to support me through my life. You helped me when you didn’t understand anything I was talking about because you love me, and if Pops can’t put aside his own feelings just to be there for you, well, screw him. He’s missing out on an amazing guy who obviously loves him.”
The two of them just sat there and cried with one another for a few minutes until Alex felt worn out, and Adrian looked like he could use some ice cream and an action movie.
“I’ll let you go, kid, this isn’t what I expected today to be like.”
“Alright, I love you, Dad. A lot. I hope you and Pops figure things out.”
“I love you too, Adrian. I hope so as well.”
As soon as the call ended, Alex put his head in his hands and continued crying over the thought that Michael could’ve very well left him for good this time and with another valid reason as to why Alex is no good for him.
All he can do is hope that Michael comes back.
Update: So initially, I had the entire story written out up to the five chapters that are planned, but I honestly feel like I phoned in the last chapter just to hastily wrap it up. I am now currently rewriting the fifth chapter with plans to maybe write a couple more. It all depends on what happens.
If Michael wanted to find a bar near where Alex lived, well, he could pick one out of three and they’d all have the good stuff that Michael needed to drown the hurt and pain he was feeling.
He decided on one that spoke to him most. It was darkly lit, had a live band playing, pool tables to one side, and a couple of dartboards on the other, but the bar was what he came for. It had whiskey, beer, anything that a high functioning drunk like himself needed to drown out all the feelings he refused to face.
It’s a wonder it’s open this time of day, usually, all the bars are closed until at least four in the afternoon, but this one is open at noon and a few patrons are already inside enjoying the music and company.
“Whiskey,” he says putting down the first hundred he snatched out of his wallet.
He, for all intents and purposes, hadn’t been planning to drink on this trip. Or, at least, hadn’t planned to be drinking alone.
The thickset bartender put the glass down in front of him and poured him out a finger of whiskey before just leaving him the bottle after taking the hundred off the table.
Another psychic bartender must be his lucky day.
“Now that’s just sad” came a smoke roughed voice from his right.
He chose to ignore the haggard woman and continued looking to the back of the bar as he tried to calm himself down from what Alex had just revealed to him along with his supposed kid, in not so many words, telling him to fuck off.
“You know, men like you come to bars for just one thing I’ve learned, and it ain’t to enjoy the top-shelf liquor,” she tells him as she gets into the seat beside him rather than the one-two seats down.
“Then what is it, lady?” Michael snapped at her making the bottles behind the bar rattle a little where they sat.
“To drown and writhe in your own God-given misery, but let me tell ya a little secret I’ve come to learn as well: God didn’t bestow upon us misery just to see us drown in it, but to rise above it. He doesn’t wish to see us suffer, that’s someone else's business, he wants us to learn to fight against it to be the best we can possibly be at the end of the day. If we don’t fight against it, you’re no better than the person that taught you misery in the first place.”
“Oh, you have no idea the kind of misery I’ve been through,” Michael tells her as he pours himself some more whiskey after draining his first glass.
“Let me guess, abandoned at a young age, don’t know who your real parents are but you want too, fell in love at a young age thinking the future you’d painstakingly built would save you from the life you’d led thus far but because of one mistake it crumbled to pieces, and just when you go looking for love again, you get smacked right in the face.”
“About the size of it.”
“So, what’s stopping you from continuing on painting the road you’ve just started on?”
“The fact that the person I fell in love with at a young age lied to me for seventeen years about the fact that I’m a father. Just dropped it on me like some funny topic of discussion.”
The woman looked affronted for a second before asking, “Well, did she at least tell you why?”
“Claimed it was to protect my son from any harm coming to him as he grew up, but it’s a total load of bullshit.”
“So, she didn’t tell you because of her past. Was she being harmed in her own household? Maybe, someone in it made her fearful of what they could do should they find out you got her pregnant.”
Michael took a deep breath as his mind started calming down and started sorting through all of his and Alex’s interactions up to the point he’d stormed out of his apartment while also remembering what he’d seen in the apartment itself.
There were no pictures of Jesse, Flint, and his other two brothers on the walls, none of his Mom either; it’s like Alex has completely cut himself off from the Manes bloodline altogether. Like he’s cut them all out of his life and decided to showcase the people who he does see as family.
There’s Liz, Maria, a few of Max and Isobel, but a couple of the pictures he holds near and dear is of him and Adrian as well as him and Michael. He has them right beside his bed on one of the nightstands.
The one displayed between Alex and Michael is a more intimate image of where Michael is holding Alex as they sat against the back of the cab in the bed of his truck. Alex’s beautiful smile was radiant as the setting sun, and Michael had turned his head at the last second just to look at him in a loving way.
There are only two copies of that picture. The one Alex has and the one folded up in his wallet that Michael carries around with him everywhere he goes.
The one with Adrian is one where he’s sitting on Alex’s lap looking at the camera in an alien onesie that nearly made Michael laugh because it was so cute. It had a hood with a fake antenna and everything, and Adrian looked like he was having the time of his life wearing it.
“You see? You know why. You’re just mad that you missed out on your son’s life all because his Mom wanted to protect him from the people she’s feared in the past. She feared what happened to her would happen to him and she couldn’t let that happen so she did what any other Mother Bear would do and she kept her child safe and secure where her past couldn’t harm her present.”
Michael let out a sigh as he finally began to understand Alex’s reasoning as to why he kept Adrian away from him. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
The woman hits his arm, “Hey, look at this way, at least she’s wanting you back in her life, and letting you finally meet him. A lot of Mother’s that’ve known abuse wouldn’t even allow that because of the anxiety that’d be going through them at the mere thought of their past finally catching up to them.”
The lady made an excellent point again, if Alex had wanted too, he could’ve forced Adrian not to go to University and made him a shut-in, but he hadn’t, he’d encouraged his son to be independent despite his own fears of what could happen to him.
Alex must know that anger runs red in the Guerin line, and he’d somehow never even known Adrian was different until recently if his two weeks comment was anything to go by. Adrian had hidden that secret for years, and Alex still accepted their son like he was no different from any other human out there.
“I gotta go, thanks for your help,” Michael tells her leaving the bottle of whiskey behind for her in case she wanted it.
“No trouble, you know what you gotta do.”
Michael stops to look back at her, “Yeah, I do.”
When Michael returns to Alex’s apartment, he steels himself in case his coming back is wholly unwanted, and justifiably so.
Opening the door, he doesn’t immediately hear any noise coming from the apartment, but what he does see is Alex curled up on the couch asleep. His eyes were red lined and noticeable tear tracks painted his cheeks like cracked glass.
Making his way over to Alex, he knelt down beside him before lifting his left hand to try and wipe away the stains on his cheek.
He never wanted to make his baby cry, but he had all because he didn’t know how to handle his own emotions, emotions that he’d just let consume him. He’d let his anger talk over his fear of being a father, his hurt for not being there for him all these years, and the sadness of knowing he’d missed all of Adrian’s firsts in life.
He’ll never hear Adrian call him Daddy or Pops or Papa, or whatever name he’d have gone by in his eyes. He’ll never see him have a crush on some guy or girl and admit to it because he’s scared of being rejected by them. He never even got to see him graduate high school, and if the sashes in his room spoke of anything, he was fucking Valedictorian; how many guys like him can say their kid is the one that stood up and gave a speech to thousands of people?
Michael was crushed that he missed all of it, and he guesses, that’d been what made him so angry. He missed it all and it hit him like a Mac truck that he’ll never have that with any kid that he may have in the future if Alex no longer wants to try being with him.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, baby. I let my anger get the best of me like always and I took it out on you and Adrian. I promise to try harder on getting a handle on myself, I promise to try and not find a bottle of liquor so I don’t have to feel emotions that I don’t want to feel. Hell, I’ll go to therapy if it’ll help. Whatever you want me to promise, I’ll do it, just give me another chance, please, baby, give me just one last chance” Michael begs the sleeping man as he puts their foreheads together in an urgency he’s never felt before.
“Cuddle me” came mumbling out of Alex’s mouth which has Michael immediately jumping into action in order to kick off his boots and pants for the second time in nearly twelve hours before, sans flannel shirt as well, he got on the couch behind Alex, took him into his arms, and cuddled him up to his chest.
Michael laid gentle kisses onto the back of his head trying, desperately, to let Alex know he’ll be there until he’s ready to get up.
Michael has a lot to make up for, he knows that, but he’ll continue making up for it for the rest of his life if Alex wished it.
In which Alex reacts to Michael's returning and Michael gets a jolt of happiness.
I'm sorry I held out for so long, but I've been trying to write Chapter 5 and it's very slow going. Here's Chapter 4 as a "Please forgive me" present.
When Alex next woke up, he thought he’d imagined the door to his apartment opening and then Michael apologizing to him and promising to do whatever it takes to get one last chance for Alex to allow him to be in his life before he’d then cuddled up to him.
If Michael actually did say those things and is able to not smell like a distillery while doing so, says that he didn’t even get buzzed before he calmed down and thought about why Alex did what he did, and has come to accept why he did it.
Alex knows that he loves Michael, good, bad, and ugly, but he makes it exhausting at times when he just can’t think rationally for once before going off the handle. If Michael can stick to what he promised, and do anything to control his anger, even going as far as therapy, then maybe their relationship moving forward could look better than the failed discussion they’d just had that morning.
He could only hope at this point because Michael Guerin likes to be that guy that says he’ll do something really impactful but who eventually falls back on old habits. If he can surprise Alex just this once, then he’ll believe him for everything else he says he’ll do.
For the time being, Alex will wait and he’ll watch one of the two men he loves most sleep beside him.
Like this, Michael looked like his namesake. He looked like an Archangel who has come home from war and all he needs is rest in order to regain his strength to head back out onto the battlefield. Which, he does, since he’s constantly battling his demons every day, but one of these days he won’t have too, and until that time comes, his defender will be waiting for him every time he comes home.
Alex softly starts to place kisses upon Michael’s face making sure to get the entirety of the right side of his face before going for his lips.
Alex knew that if he wanted more, wanted to make love on the couch, Michael would give in to his every whim, but Alex had just revealed that Adrian is his son and it’d do them both more harm than good if they were to try and act as if nothing had happened earlier in the day.
No, makeup sex could wait.
Right now, they needed to have a serious discussion and really talk out how Michael feels about finding out he’s a Father, and really just get everything out in the open.
Eventually, his kisses seem to wake Michael up from his slumber who is all too willing to return them as he tries to cover Alex’s face with his kisses which ends up with him laughing at the feeling of them.
At the positive response Michael was giving him, it seems that Michael would be all too happy to have makeup sex as well, but Michael also knows they have a lot to talk about what had happened and what was said both between them and with Adrian.
The atmosphere was a good one to bring a serious conversation to light between them which has them both sitting up on the couch with nary an inch between them.
If this atmosphere between them holds out, then Alex believes that the conversation could end up being very positive so he decides to pack a punch straight into the heart of what’s going on between them.
“I know finding out about Adrian being your son is a lot for you to take in, but know that I was hiding his existence from you for a very good reason.”
Michael nods his head as if he’d figured out whatever reason Alex had for hiding the fact that he is a Father from him was a good one, “I know, and I respect whatever your reason is or was. I just...I was very shocked, upset, and confused about why you hadn’t told me sooner rather than waiting for his entire life before I could get to know him. Alex, I can honestly say that the only thing I’m really upset about is that I didn’t get to see any of his Firsts, and I didn’t get to see him graduate either.”
Alex, latching onto that reasoning, piped up immediately with whatever he could provide to him, “I have all of his Firsts...well...not all of them, but I have the ones that count the most on DVD.”
Michael looked at him with surprise in his eyes along with a boatload of hope, “You-you do?”
“Of course, what proud Dad wouldn’t want to record his son's first steps, first word, and first anything?”
Michael suddenly surges at him and kisses Alex with his entire body as he made both of them topple back lengthwise onto the couch forcing Alex to let out another happy laugh into the kiss.
“Please, please tell me you have his graduation recorded” Michael pleaded as he continued kissing Alex on his face and along his neck.
Feeling cheeky, Alex teases, “I even have his speech.”
“Oh my gods, Alex. I’m going to make love to you, I’m going to wear a condom for extra protection, and then we’re watching all of those videos just so I can share in the joy of them with you.”
Hey, you know how usually in those romcoms the lead guy usually says something so sweet that the woman ends up falling for him so madly and deeply it’s next level of sickeningly sweet that you have to cry from joy?
Yeah, well, those are Alex’s emotions amplified to the nth degree right now as Michael said all of the things Alex was afraid he’ll never hear him say. Even the condom part because he could’ve gone bareback and Alex would not have cared what-so-ever.
As things started heating up between the two of them, Alex knew, this man had to be it.
Michael was his one, his soulmate, and Alex just couldn’t help but love everything about him.
Michael settles in to watch Adrian grow up, emotions run at an all-time high.
It wasn’t until the next morning that Michael got to sit down and watch all of Adrian’s Firsts. From the day he opened his eyes, to crawling along the floor looking like the world was his playground and he wanted to play on all of it, to his first smile, laugh, and steps.
Michael isn’t too macho to admit that he was in tears by the time the video of Adrian’s fifth birthday rolled around. His son had been so cute back then, and he looked like the obvious heartbreaker that he is today with his dark brown curls, mischievous eyes that spoke of teasing and pranks that he’d just started pulling on all of his peers; he was like a mini-Michael if Michael had grown up with a doting parent and friends that liked him for who he was and not what he could do for them.
When he graduated Elementary school, Michael was proud of him as the private school Alex had placed him in after first grade nurtured his intelligence rather than made him suffer through knowing he was smarter than everyone else. Alex had been forced to make two “First Day of School” videos because of it, and Alex’s voice had been so excited in both of them even though Adrian didn’t look as impressed the second time around.
Michael eventually had to pause the television due to all the emotions warring around inside of him.
He was crying from happiness at getting to take in all of Adrian’s Firsts even though they’re second-hand experiences, but he just can’t keep the well of sadness at not being there to actually experience them from flooding through him as well.
Alex, seeming to sense the change, takes him and pulls him into his body so Michael could cry on his chest as they shifted position to where they were laying down once more on the couch.
The usual storm that shifted and swirled within Michael’s head had gone from a dust storm to a hurricane, and none of it was making sense while all of it made sense in some form or fashion. It contained all he’d learned about Adrian, all he’s learned over the last few hours about his son, but it still contained the heartache over missing every one of those moments.
“It’s okay, just let it out, Michael. I know you’ve missed so much, but I swear you’ll be missing nothing else” Alex tells him sweetly as he combs his fingers through Michael’s messy curls.
Alex continues telling him sweet things showing his sympathy for keeping Adrian from him while vowing to make the last seventeen years up to him in some way.
One thought that appeared in the storm was the thought of having another baby with Alex that way he wouldn’t miss out on what he missed with Adrian; to have a chance at being a proper father like he wasn’t able to with Adrian, but the rational part of him, that was never caught in the storm of thoughts, knew that’d just be showing favoritism where it should never be.
He can’t show favor to another child all because he didn’t have the memories with one. No, no, no, he wouldn’t do that to Alex and he’d surely not do it to Adrian either. It just wouldn’t be fair to both of them.
The thought of having another child was an appealing one, but it could wait for the future when he and Alex are in a better place together emotionally and mentally.
There’s no need to bring another person into the world when Alex and Michael are just starting to get their shit together.
Thirty minutes after he started, the storm that’d swelled into a hurricane dimmed back down to the status of a dust storm as his crying calmed. He felt mentally and emotionally drained so, without even warning Alex who had patiently been holding him this entire time, he fell asleep.
It wouldn’t be for another three hours or so until Michael woke up to see the paused video of Adrian about to graduate out of the elementary part of the private school in order to go on to the middle school/high school portion of it.
Michael just felt so drained as he kept staring at the little boy who’d end up becoming his grown son. It was like looking into a mirror when he looked at Adrian, he was all soft and messy curls, whiskey-colored eyes, bright smile, but he had something within his eyes that Michael was never able to grasp and that was the love of a parent; Michael suspects if his parents had been there or if any number of his foster homes had shown him some type of love, he would’ve looked just like that as well.
But, he didn’t. He’d never been afforded the love of a parent, but he vowed within his heart of hearts if he got the chance to become a parent, he’d do it right. He’d treat the child the same as he’s going to be treating Adrian from now on.
Fully grown or not, Adrian was his son and he will love him as a parent should.
As the feeling of being drained slowly left him, he started to kiss Alex’s shirt-clad chest remembering the last time he’d done it had led to a blissful morning of just enjoying one another's company in a sleepy lull that’d subsequently ended with Michael spilling to Adrian what had made him fall in love with Alex in the first place.
He hadn’t known it at the time that Adrian was his son, and he’d just, without fear, admitted to his feelings right in the middle of the Crashdown. He hadn’t thought what telling Adrian could possibly do to him, but the kid had surprised him with actually liking Michael admitting to his feelings back then.
And Adrian couldn’t be so ignorant as to not know that Michael and Alex have been texting back and forth for the past month which just goes to show that Adrian seems to approve of their budding relationship, and it was one Michael nearly ruined all because of his feelings over learning Adrian was his son.
He was justified in how he felt and Alex agreed with him, but Michael didn’t begrudge Alex for hiding Adrian away for seventeen years because of the way he came into the world, because of the very real fear Alex had towards Jesse Manes, and the inability to even know if Michael would even want anything to do with him after having his child.
If Michael could go back into the past, consequences of time and space be damned, he’d reassure Alex that, no matter what, he wants to share the experience of Fatherhood with him; he’d be willing to change dirty diapers, put up with spit-up on his shirts, and help Adrian with homework that Alex would never hope to understand.
He’d deal with it all just to be able to give his son both of his parents rather than just one.
For now, he’ll focus on the here and now where it was just him and Alex. He’ll catch up on what he missed of Adrian’s life through the snapshots he’s allowed to experience, he’ll continue loving Alex like he is now, and he’ll continue trying to better himself now that he knows that he could have the world at his fingertips despite what he’s been told and thought in the past.
Alex shifted slightly as Michael continued kissing his chest but remained in a blissful slumber oblivious to Michael turning from thoughtful and reminiscent to amorous and lustful.
As Michael continued, Alex’s body seemed to get queued into what was going on until Alex moans waking up from his sleep and that’s when both of them really got into their play leaving a smiling Adrian on the television while they got distracted in one another.
It’d be a few hours later when both of them surfaced from their loving cocoon that Michael was able to watch the rest of the videos of Adrian all the way to high school graduation when, much like himself, Michael cheers that his son is the Valedictorian of his class.
Michael was smiling with pride as he got to see his son give a speech about leaving the protective wings of their parents in order to go on to become adults that must stumble, trip, and fall their way into learning to become the people of a better future.
It kind of inspired Michael in a way he had to stumble, trip, and fall back into Alex’s life.
He had to stumble, trip, and fall into Adrian’s life as well.
He can only hope that he can have some sort of relationship with his son even though he’s not really been able to talk to him.
This one fought me all the way but I was finally able to get it done. I hope you all enjoy ^ ^
As the rest of the week passed, Alex, Michael, and Adrian were all able to make up and settle what happened between them.
Michael and Adrian’s relationship has really blossomed over time. If Adrian didn’t understand something, and the Professor was telling him he should’ve taken better notes or look over the posted ones on the schools website, he’d go to Michael for assistance who’d look over what notes Adrian took along with the ones the Professor posted in order to help Adrian in ways Alex hadn’t dreamed of being able to do.
While Alex would be making breakfast, lunch, or dinner, he’d use Michael and Adrian talking as background noise until it was time for him and Michael to eat.
Those two had a love for science and math that Alex just couldn’t hope to comprehend, but that was the beauty of Michael getting to know his son, their genius just seemed to click together easily where Alex’s genius only expanded so far into Mechanical Engineering until he got confused himself.
On Saturday, it was like any of the other days that Adrian called.
Michael was helping him figure out how to connect three circuits to one power supply without overloading it and causing the power supply to die out in a puff of smoke...or Alex thinks that’s what they’re talking about. Then again, this is Mechanical Engineering they are both talking about; Alex knows how an engine works, but he’ll be doomed in making something bigger.
But, he still enjoyed them talking with a soft smile on his face as he chopped some green onions that’ll be going into a pan with other veggies that’ll cook alongside a couple omelets.
Breakfast at its finest on such a heartbreaking morning.
Michael had to go back to Roswell today and Alex didn’t want him to go so he’s secretly trying to monopolize his time by enlisting Adrian’s help, using his sexual prowess, and really just anything to get him to stay longer.
He knows that he and Michael will be able to keep in contact through the phone, but it just wouldn’t be the same when he goes from falling asleep with Michael beside him in all of his high-temperature glory to suddenly having to add another comforter over his bed in hopes of just replicating that same heat.
Alex would only admit to himself that he was to the point of tying Michael to his bed just to prevent him from leaving, but he knew that wouldn’t be fair to Max or Isobel who counted on Michael to be there for them whenever they needed him, and they’ll be needing him when he returns for one thing or another while Alex has to deal with an empty apartment once more.
He’ll admit to anyone and anything that he is a terrible empty nester and that quiet is his kryptonite after seventeen years of having someone else being in his space and talking about things that he could only nod and agree with.
It’s going to be so hard returning to that sort of life without Michael being there.
Placing the plates down on the table for the both of them, they both say goodbye to Adrian so they could eat their breakfast which was filled with a tense silence.
Both of them not wanting to acknowledge what day it is nor wanting to over complicate something that is still so new.
They had, literally, let their attraction for one another dictate what happened when Alex went down to Roswell to visit, and though they’ve been texting for a month, it seems like they are still rushing their relationship like they did back in high school in a way.
Alex loves it, don’t get him wrong, but he’s sitting there already thinking about asking Michael to move in with him which is not how healthy relationships work. Healthy relationships have the potential couple going on dates, talking to one another, Netflix and chilling, and then the sex happens with possibility of marrying and having kids in the future.
They’ve skipped the first three steps, got to step four, bypassed step five and then hit the sixth one all within the matter of a few days back in high school. Teenage hormones aside, Alex wouldn’t have gotten pregnant with Adrian if Michael was a normal human living in Roswell and it sometimes still trips Alex up that Adrian came from him.
Alex feels like they should slow down and do it right this time. They haven’t said what they are to one another officially and Alex wants that label. He wants to be able to tell the guys over at the garage that the hot, curly-haired mechanic that they’ve seen around the shop is his boyfriend and not his...whatever he is right now.
He wants to continue texting Michael while knowing that some Lindsey or Chad won’t be under him feeling the way Alex feels whenever he is.
He wants every little piece of Michael that he can get until they both feel ready to really be with one another. He wants the dates, the spontaneous visits, and the surprise gifts that come with dating someone he knows is his forever.
Romantic comedies may be silly, but they know their shit when it comes to wanting to make someone swoon with that “soulmate” feeling and Alex wants to feel all of that. He wants his whole being to light up just by seeing Michael coming towards him, and he wants Michael to go from being sarcastic just to be sarcastic to being sarcastic in order to get a laugh out of Alex.
He wants that playful look in Michael’s eyes when he’s poking fun at Alex for knowing some pop culture thing, and Alex wants to say something trivial just to get Michael confused about what he’s talking about.
He wants, he wants.
He wants to kiss Michael and that’s what he does by leaning over the table.
The frantic pace at which they make it out of the room suggests that Alex isn’t the only one that doesn’t want to leave, but they can only prolong Michael leaving for so long until he’s packed and ready to go.
The both of them, freshly showered, just stand there awkwardly not knowing what to say to the other. Their feelings for the other is very plainly obvious but, when it came to an emotional moment like this, they were both not prepared to say what they wanted to say nor ready to actually say it even if they had the words.
“So, I guess, I’ll see you later then” Michael says as he picks up the dufflebag he’d brought along with him.
“Yeah, uh, I’ll text you” Alex says awkwardly back as he scratches the back of his head while looking down at the floor obviously chastising himself mentally for saying that.
As Michael makes his way over to the door Alex can’t help but call out his name which has him looking back to him.
“I’ll miss you” he says finally letting his heart speak for him rather than his mind trying to make the words into something different than they actually were.
Michael smiles softly with an “I adore you more than anything else in this world” expression on his face as he replies back in a mumbled tone of voice, “I’ll miss you too.”
Alex walks over to him just to bring Michael into a kiss that he pours all of his love and affection into for the man that he’s loved since Senior year, throughout all of Adrian’s life, and up to that very point even if he knows it’s too early to tell him; he at least wants Michael to feel it coming from him.
Michael isn’t at all taken aback from the feelings being poured into the kiss as, it seems from Alex’s perspective, that he whole-heartedly embraces them and reciprocates them to the very same lengths to which Alex feels them.
When they break for air, Alex pushes their foreheads together with his eyes shut wanting to savor just that last moment he has with Michael as their hands curl together desperately trying to cling to one another as long as they can.
“I never thought I’d have you again” Michael mutters out surprising Alex into smiling.
“You’re not the only one. I thought once I returned to Roswell, you’d have been long gone making a name for yourself somewhere, somehow.”
Snickering, Michael says, “Maybe I would’ve, but I had this weird feeling that I needed to stay.”
“Oh, really? For seventeen years, you stayed in Roswell waiting for my inevitable return?” Alex joked as he opened his eyes just to look at Michael with a real, genuine, megawatt smile that he thought had long ago just been reserved for Adrian anymore.
“Had to come back sometime, baby” Michael says with all the swagger behind his matching smile.
Rolling his eyes in an adoring manner, Alex pushes Michael towards the door, “Get outta here before I force you to stay.”
“Can’t say I wouldn’t mind, but Sanders needs his best employee.”
“You're his only employee, and he barely pays you for all the work you do for him.”
“Sometimes, it’s less about the money and more about keeping myself busy doing something,” Michael tells him, hefting his bag back up with his right hand.
“Heard that,” Alex says, still smiling at him.
“Text me, I’ll come up for anything...even a booty call.”
“Oh my gods, get out, Guerin.”
Laughing, Michael finally leaves Alex who still has his megawatt smile on his face standing in his living room alone, once again.
Before Alex can dwell on the fact that his home is empty besides himself after a week of having the man who is the love of his life in it, he gets a text message.