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Furbee, Or Not Furbee

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“Why is my apartment covered in fur?” Neil asks, standing in the doorway.

“Our apartment. It’s not fur, they’re skins,” Andrew replies calmly.

“Your apartment. I refuse to take ownership for this,” Neil says, eyeing the skins that Andrew has laid out on the floor.

“Listen, I was only going to skin Dah but then Toh-Dye’s fur looked dirty, and I just decided to skin them all,” Andrew replies with a straight face like he didn’t just say Toh-Dye out loud with his own mouth.

Neil had to take a deep breath and count down from ten. He made it to four before he was interrupted by a strangled cry, “my god Andrew, are they still alive?”

Andrew nodded.

“I love you so much but I literally can’t take this anymore. This Furby collection is getting so out of hand,” Neil left, giving Andrew time to put the skin back on his Furbys. He needed advice on this and he went to the only person he knew who would take news of the ever growing Furby collection more poorly than Neil himself.




Nicky wailed pathetically as Neil finished his story.

“My own flesh and blood, brought so low by the demons of this earth. Why did it have to happen like this? Andrew was such a good boy, playing with knives and sports balls like the other boys. What happened?” He moaned, and Neil would have been tempted to roll his eyes if he wasn’t so fed up with Andrew’s newest collection.

“Nicky, I honestly don’t get it. We just got over the key chain phase and he latched on to these little demons so quickly. It’s like there’s someone whispering in his ear, telling him to pick up a new obsession every time he gets over one,” Neil sighed. Nicky hummed sadly in agreement.

“We could light your apartment on fire,” Nicky suggested.

“That would only make them stronger. Furbys are the only thing other than my dad that I’ve ever feared,” Neil responded, “besides, Andrew would only dig his claws in further if I tried to take them away”.

Nicky agreed again, then furrowed his brows in thought, “but honestly, who could even be telling him about all these niche collectables? No one on the court even cares about memorabilia. Are you sure you’re not giving him ideas in your sleep or something?”

“I’m not,” Neil scowls. “How should I know who told him about Furbys? He doesn’t even talk to anyone outside of the court. Hell he only really talks to you me Aaron and Kevin. Well us and-“ Neil cut of, coming to a terrible and awful realization.

Nicky shouted after him as Neil sprinted back to the car, but Neil ignored him.




The drive was short, but Neil’s heart didn’t slow down the whole way over. The house he stopped at looked innocent from the outside; just another brightly painted two floor home on a street of similar buildings. Neil trembled to imagine what he would find inside.

Neil didn’t bother to knock as he crept in to the house. The hall was dark, but he could hear muttering from the kitchen. He slipped down the hall, trying to make out what was being said, but none of it made sense, it was just nonsense babble, just- Furbish. The language of a newborn Furby. Neil’s eyes narrowed and he entered the kitchen fully, his suspicions confirmed.

“Betsy Dobson did you introduce my boyfriend to Furbys?” Neil asked, taking in the hand full of still damp Furbys sitting on the table of Bee’s kitchen. The two masterminds were frozen in the middle of a heated hostage exchange, three less rare Andrew Furbys for Bee’s rare Furby.

“Oh, Neil, how nice to see you, I can make you a glass of coco if you’d like?” Bee was the first to recover from her shock.

“Me coco,” One furby with shaggy purple and magenta hair said. Bee winced.

“I don’t want your refreshing beverages, I want my boyfriend back you enchantress,” Neil spat back.

“Doo-dah oo-nye may-may kah doo?” chants the Furby.

“I do love you,” Betsy replies at the same time as Andrew.

“What the fuck?” Says Neil.

The Furby obsession ended just under a month later. Neil came home one day to Andrew arguing with Lady Ice Sparkles Baltimore (the collection had long outgrown the twenty some original Furby names) and the Furbys were gone within the week. Neil was still afraid to ask where they had ended up, but imagined he could still hear their Furbish voices when he walked outside at night.

“I’m glad that phase of your life is over,” Neil confided in Andrew one evening.

“Mm”. “Hey Neil?”


“Could you read out this card for me?” Andrew asked, typing numbers in to his phone as Neil read them to him.

“-0332. What is this a code for?” Neil asked.

“Bee showed me this cool new thing, they’re these stuffed animals that come with an online version. There's a phone app for them too. It’s called Webkinz”.