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The list of reproaches

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- You're a control freak.
- You are completely disorganized.
- You are a fanatic of order.
- You are disastrously messy.
- You are not able to communicate with words.
- You can't be quiet for five minutes.
- Sometimes I have to call you on the phone to check that you are still at home. You are exasperatingly silent.
- You are so noisy that sometimes I have to go out into the garden to hear my own thoughts.
- You're a snob. You could sleep two more hours without that obsession to be perfectly elegant every second of the day, you look at your diary before getting dressed in case your socks don't match the Buckingham palace carpet, for God's sake.
- And you're a mess. One day you'll go out on the street naked because you'll be unable to find anything clean and in good condition to wear. Or you'll show up at The Court in your old The Kiss T-shirt.
- You are incapable of a simple courtesy chat with anyone
- You're incapable of running into someone in line at the supermarket without asking them about their cat's health.
- If it weren't for me, you'd only talk out of obligation and respond with monosyllables.
- If it wasn't for me, you'd be arrested for talking to the trees in the park. Oh, wait, that was about to happen.
- There was a squirrel! And your idea of a night of fun is, "oh, wow, a 1950s movie I've seen a hundred times, let's see it one more time."
- Oh, come on, your idea of a good movie is that there have to be shots or explosions within twenty seconds of starting, or it's a waste of time.
- That which you call music sleeps the sheep.
- It's called classical music. And what you call music would cause suicides among the sheep.
- You are insufferable after an argument.
- I don't argue.
- Exactly! Can't you be normal when we get angry? Screaming, cursing, normal things!
- I'm not to blame for your bad temper, I don't see why you have to start a war because of a simple disagreement. I spend the day trying to avoid those things, in fact. I will take this opportunity to emphasize that you are extremely spiteful.
- I am not resentful!
- Oh, come on, you get so on the edge of the bed after an argument not to touch me that one day you're going to fall and kill yourself. And I'm going to die laughing.
- Come on, you're incapable of recognizing when you've made a mistake. That's why you hug me when you think I'm asleep, it's your way of apologizing because you know it's always your fault.
- No, it's so you don't fall and start yelling at me in the middle of the night.
- You are incredibly arrogant, Mr. Intelligence.
- I am incredibly intelligent, lord stubborn.
- And you have no sense of humor.
- I do have a sense of humor. I'd love to show you what a great sense of humor I have, if you were funny.
- I'm very funny, and I have a great sense of humor. I live with you. You have to be very crazy or have a lot of sense of humor to do it. And my last psychological test said I was perfectly healthy.
- Don't forget that I evaluate those who evaluate Yard's psychological tests, Greg.
- Oh, yes, boast how super powerful you are, don't let anyone forget...
- I am not "super powerful", if such an expression exists in any civilized language. I hold a position that gives me certain responsibilities and influences. I don't know why I can't be proud of what I've worked so hard to achieve.
- How can it be "with so much effort", when you spend all day saying that you work with idiots?
- I work for idiots. The effort is not to do the work, it is to support them. Not with idiots. My employees are extremely efficient. I taught them personally.
- Oh, yes, we are all goldfish.
- Basically. Some fish are bigger and prettier than others, but yes.
- Am I a big, pretty fish?
- You are the biggest, prettiest and smartest fish in the aquarium.
- Wow, I'm flattered... Which is pretty sad and says a lot more about me than you, no doubt...
- I suppose it says that, just as it happens when you choose your clothes, your criteria when choosing a partner leaves a lot to be desired. Fortunately for me.
- Are you being sarcastic?
- Realistic, rather.
- I mean, I'm a disaster and that's why I fell in love with you?.
- In short, yes.
- I mean, you have to be a disaster to love you, which leaves us in that you are a disaster impossible to love.
- Impossible no, improbable yes. You love me.
- You are an idiot.
- I am your idiot.
- And I am your goldfish.
- Uh-huh.
- And...
- Gregory...
- Come on, say it
- And I love you
- I love you too, you idiot.