My lips pressed lazily into the right side of his jawline. Soft, slow and slightly wet kisses were being placed there and trailed down further, stopping half way down his neck in weariness.
I could feel his head tilt back ever so slightly, the muscles in his shoulders resting as if they hadn’t in a million years. A small hum of contentment from him resonated throughout the room, music to my ears. That sound was how I felt, deep inside my chest right now. Pure relaxation and immersion. As if we couldn’t do this any day, time was so short.
His arm underneath me shifted, moving so he could run his fingers through my hair. The feeling overwhelmed me, making my eyes shut tightly. It felt like all my life I had been waiting for this incredibly unrated afternoon. Where he and I were simply enjoyed each other's company.
The room had an old musty scent to it, kinda like a stack of books. And he smelt like vanilla, not the type you find in a bottle at the store, the real stuff. There was something else mixed in, I couldn’t put my finger on it.
My nose had made me more aware of my current position. Pressed into his side, laying on the most amazingly comfortable couch. I tried my hardest to look up at him, seeking out what I knew to be the most breathtaking eyes in all existence but my head was much too heavy for that and I was too comfortable to ruin this moment anyway.
"How did you find me?" He asked from above, his voice soft with intentions of starting a conversation. His hand in my hair withdrawing slowly.
"What?" My face scrunched up, much to engrossed in the present to remember a lick of the past.
"I can't find you." He exhaled in a melancholy way. His body stiffening, as if it never relaxed in the first place. A slight twang of tension present in the air.
The light fluttery sensation in my chest disappeared. And disappointment overtook me.
"I'm right here." I sat up dramatically, rolling my eyes. Why did he have to ruin this. It's so like him.
"Y/N." He made a point to get off the lounge and kneel down in front of me.
I stared into his pale green eyes for a few moments and my heart began to explode with emotion again. The floppy brown hair resting on his forehead moved as he did and I found it nothing short of adorable. As if all of this wasn't enough, his hands cupped my cheeks and I snapped out of my overlapsing thoughts, he wasn’t warm.
"Yes?" I whispered. This was nothing short of bliss but a nagging feeling tugged at the inside of my head.
"You haunt me. Always when I'm alone. They come out of nowhere and lure me in, until I wake myself up.” His hands pressed a bit firmer onto my cheeks. “It's ok, you can do this. Just look at me, you know who I am, I tell you your story every time. It's in there.” His pointer fingers tapping my temples lightly. “In the back of your unconscious mind, a dream. Break free, like you’ve always wanted." As he spoke, his voice had such desperation, a passion that I had never heard from him before, or had I? A feeling of despair washed over me.
My eyes wondered past his face finally. We were in a library, that's where the tangy scent came from, books all around us. Why would we have our lazy afternoon in a place so public. Despite all of that, not another soul was around. No Librarian, nothing.
Eyes flickering back to him. I snapped out of the conditioning inside my head, now focused enough that things were clear for slither of a moment. I’ve been here before and it wasn’t any old library.
"Doctor." I said, unsure still but somehow I knew that to be a term of endearment.
"There you go." He smiled a lopsided smile, his hands retracting from my cheeks.
"It's all blurry. This happened months ago. Why? I know you, I know you more then I know myself but I’ve never seen your face before. I don’t understand. Doctor, am I on repeat?" My head was so full of confusion, signals overlapping.
A deep mechanical whine interrupted my spinning head. It sounded so far in the distance but approaching us faster by the second. The doctor pounced up off the ground, turning around in a circle, following the noise. Clenching his fists tightly, looking up at the ceiling with a pleading look hidden within him, I recognized that.
"Oh come on! I just got her to wake up again. I don't want to lose her now, can't she stay for a little while? I don’t know how long it’ll be before we meet again. Can't we do something old girl?! Reverse the polarity? Track the telepathic link back to her to get a location, just a general one, nothing too fancy. We’ve been through this before." He raved to what seemingly was a bunch of old books, thin air and himself.
I stood up now. Calmly making my way over to him. I should be scared, I should be trying to get out of here, I wasn’t.
“I don’t know what's happening right now. I remember things that I couldn’t 5 minutes ago. Everything I see feels like fiction. A time machine? The stars? You? Aliens? How can this feel so real if it isn’t? Am I alive?” My voice shook slightly, I was scared. Had I been drugged? Was I in a coma? Was this my version of an afterlife?
“You are most definitely alive right now but I don’t know Y/N.” He said reassuringly. “Every time you come, I don’t understand how it happens, well I do, that's beside the point, it should be impossible. I know you though, over many, many visits. Y/N L/N from earth, a planet under my protection. You’ve told me that you want to travel and make your life mean something because what it is right now, can’t be all there is. As a child you wanted to go to the moon but your father told you it would take years of study and work to be good enough to get there. Chocolate chip cookies are your favourite, we made them once actually. I might have burnt them, you were very cross. Sometimes you stay for days and other times you’re here for 5 minutes. I always wake up and I can talk to you, like this. Something makes you forget every time, I will find out what's doing that, don’t you worry, that is not allowed and they will have me to answer to.” His body language changed at that, eyes narrowing in thought. “I searched every database available to me to find you, nothing has come up but I won’t stop trying. People find me for a reason. And you’re here.”
“I’ve never told anyone.” I paused, looking into his eyes again. They seemed a deeper army green now that I was really looking. “About my dad.” My eyes watered slightly at the word. If I trusted the doctor enough to open up about my father then he must be a good man. One that was worth telling my story too. Clearing my throat I shook my head to dispel my sadness. “I’m scared, but this is where I need to be. I see you and nothing past that. I trust you for god knows what reason. I’ve said this before, I don’t know when but I want to go to the moon with you. And travel. See the stars, make my dreams come true, it's what he would have wanted for me.”
“Oi, did you just invite me to travel with you?” He sounded offended waving his finger about. “That's not how it works around here Y/N.”
I laughed. “I did just do that, come on Doctor. You burnt my favourite cookies. You have to make it up to me somehow right?” My sarcasm bleeding through.
Clasping his hands together awkwardly. “Fine.” It sounded like a chore.
I couldn’t contain my own excitement, I wrapped my arms around him and smiled into his shoulder. That's all I ever wanted, a companion in life who wanted to see as much of the world as I did. Even though his reaction was lackluster I could tell he wanted this as much as me. He hugged me back tightly and the sound for earlier met my ears, except this time it was so loud the ground under us vibrated. My head looked up this time trying to find the source.
“The tardis has done all she can. Don’t give up on me Y/N. I’m coming. But you’re dreaming and you’ve remembered too much to stay. But if you hear the noise my ship just made, run!” He whispered into my ear.
Everything went dark after he said that. My body slowly losing consciousness, I could feel my limbs turning to jelly one by one.
My eyes felt heavy and my arms ached as I hurled myself upright, my body in a cold sweat. Another dream. It had been months since I had the last one, not that it mattered I didn’t remember them. Most people didn’t, you had to one of the lucky few. And by few I meant 1 in a million.
Consciousness greeted me with a pitch black room. Judging my the amount of light peeking through the curtains it was one of the earlier hours of the morning. A sharp stinging pain shot up behind my eyes and I was forced to close them tightly to make it stop. My head started to throb badly as if a pinball was ricocheting from corner to corner. I let out a quiet sob as I started to hear bells in my ears. What the hell was happening. My hands cupped my ears tightly to try and remedy it.
“You know who I am.” A loud whisper, it sounded like it was right in front of me, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing through all the background noise and loud high pitched bells. “Y/N” His voice sounded so similar. So warm and inviting. I didn’t know where I’d heard it before but this time it came from above. “Run.” It sounded like a good thing to be doing. Running.
Like that it just stopped. The noise, the whispers. It took me a while to compose myself. Running my fingers through my hair, I walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, I leant up against the sink, taking slow breaths. Where have I heard something like this happening to others. Tapping my fingers against the glass in mindfulness.
That's when I realised that I’ve read about what it feels like to remember your dreams. It was never pleasant, in fact people documented it being different degrees of painful. It breaks you out of the mental cycle, therefore you can’t ever dream again. You have to be so mentally strong to remember as it makes things so much easier. You would now know something about your person. The one you’ve dreamt about since childhood. All the scientists say it's meant to be the love of your life, I was never sure. Even when I started to dream and could feel what it was like to be around them so vividly afterwards. I still knew that my journey was personal and no matter who they were, I would leave them if they didn’t want to come to the stars with me.
The things I just heard, they didn’t make sense. It was nothing important. His voice. There are a billion voices out there. It wouldn’t make things easier. It didn’t have time to worry about it. My plane left in 5 hours. I looked towards my suitcase and shrugged. Life was just starting for me, if I met him along the way, things wouldn’t be so bad.
Staring out at my suitcase that was next to the lounge I said something that I swear wasn’t my own words, but his.