When Jeon Jungkook had first met Park Jimin he thought that the universe had finally decided to give him a break. It's not that his dating life was awful or even stressful really, and it's not that Jungkook couldn't find a date when he wanted or hook up with someone quite gorgeous at parties or in clubs, and he never had problems in that department necessarily - but with Park Jimin it was immediately different, immediately all-consuming.
He was immediately in love.
And Jungkook knew that for the rest of his life he'd be just fine with Park Jimin being his, and that he wouldn't need to search for anyone else ever again or hook up aimlessly or play games with matches on dating apps. With Park Jimin everything fit perfectly into place so quick that it scared him sometimes. And for a while Jungkook couldn’t foresee anything interrupting their growing relationship since they connected so fast and fiercely, and loved so effortlessly.
Until Jimin moved away, that is.
Until Jimin left him.
And maybe America is something like a dream, especially for kids in Korea who work so hard at everything they do in order to secure some sort of encouraging future. And maybe somewhere in America is Park Jimin's dream to practice his art and make a name for himself, perhaps become famous in non-traditional ways that he just can’t do here. And maybe America is right where Park Jimin belongs.
Maybe Park Jimin will find a home there alongside new friends, a new life. And maybe that life doesn't involve Jungkook at all.
It's impossible to not think about these things on the daily when all Jungkook wants to do is focus on his job, get through his day without wallowing, go home and get drunk and then wallow some more.
And no, it hasn't been healthy and no, this isn't what he was hoping for whatsoever when Jimin moved away nearly a year ago. In fact, he was hoping that he'd graduate happily (since he had to graduate regardless) and then afterwards Jimin would come back to him and they'd be together like they promised.
Yet Jimin hasn’t made any notion or indication that he’s coming home anytime soon, even though the dance program he completed has long been finished. So Jungkook graduated a few months ago as planned and started his job, and Jimin still hasn’t come back.
His six small months abroad turned to seven, then eight, and now their going on one fucking year and Jungkook - he just doesn't know what to do.
It's nearly 5pm and Jungkook is leaning on his hand with his elbow on the desk, and he's spinning a pen on the surface while blowing raspberries from his mouth. He's aimlessly consumed in the motion of the pen and how many seconds it takes for it to spin a total of five times if he pushes it a certain way.
It's seriously the dumbest thing he's ever done and there are probably a million things he could put his time and energy into yet day after day Jungkook finds himself bored at work and wishing for literally anything else and not knowing how to obtain it.
He finds himself missing Jimin with every single breath of air, so much that it hurts, so much that it’s almost ruining his life.
The chair in front of him turns around and a handsome man with big glasses sticks his face in Jungkook's space and snaps his fingers.
"Jungkook, earth to Jungkook."
"What," Jungkook responds lazily without even looking up.
"Did you finish your report yet? You know you can't leave until you do."
Jungkook physically pouts and spins the pen again. "Nope."
"Jungkook - "
"It's just one report, why does it matter."
Namjoon adjusts his glasses and covers the pen with his hand to stop it from spinning. Jungkook sulks even more with his body leaning completely against his arm now.
"You're falling behind. If you think they won't notice then you're wrong."
"Good, maybe they'll fire me so I can have an excuse to get out of here."
"And do what?" Namjoon lightly scolds. "Who is going to hire you if they find out you've been fired after two months on the job? Your first real job, at that. You need to get it together"
"Don't want to."
Namjoon sighs and fumbles through Jungkook's little workstation. He finds the half-finished report and shuffles the rest of the papers together in a little stack. "You're completely disorganized. If we get an inspection and your desk looks like this they’re going to write you up. You can’t have petty write-ups like that in your file. Jungkook, you really need to -"
" - please stop telling me what I need to do," Jungkook cuts off Namjoon’s words tiredly. His eyes are trained on the desk and they're sort of dull, uncaring. "Everyone always acts like they need to tell me what to do or how to feel and I'm sick of it."
Namjoon sighs again. "I'll finish this for you only because I don't want to see you get fired, but please get some rest this weekend and come back on Monday acting like yourself."
Jungkook doesn't mean to be cruel, and he most definitely doesn't want to burn his bridge with Namjoon. But his heart is literally aching today, as it did yesterday and the day before. And even though it's Friday and a young man at twenty-three should be off enjoying his youth and having the best days of his life, he can already foresee his weekend of being alone in his shared apartment wondering how to cope with the fact that Jimin isn't here.
And that he hasn't been here in months.
He feels stupidly pathetic, actually. And that just makes everything worse.
Jungkook wants to say something to Namjoon for helping out, since he's leaned over his own workstation in front of him now working on Jungkook's report, but nothing comes out. Instead, he sighs and watches the clock tick down until it’s 5pm and everyone in that office is gathering their belongings to head out. At the curb, Jungkook waits for the bus to pick him up like he has done every day for the last two months. It’s clockwork just walking through these boring motions of life without the love of his life right next to him.
He takes a seat right up front closest to the window and pulls out his phone.
It's been almost three days since him and Jimin have even spoken, and sometimes they'll go longer. They don't do it on purpose - it's just that a social media relationship gets boring after a while, and Jungkook finds the little conversations they share through text to be a bit annoying. Simple requests like how was your day? have started to lack intimacy and meaning, and it kills him to think that way but it's true.
So instead they wait until they have actual news or something specific to share, something that they can actually talk about that's exciting. And it can be hard since they are on opposite schedules and time-zones.
The fact that nothing exciting has happened in the last few days speaks wonders on its own.
He pulls up the thread to read over the exchange from a couple days ago.
Jungkook’s fingers linger over the keyboard. He starts to type something but then deletes it, then tries again only to delete it once more. There just isn’t anything to say to him right now, since he’s positive that Jimin doesn’t want to hear about his work woes in the office. He ends up locking his phone and stuffing it in his pocket with a grumble.
Jungkook puts his head against the window and watches the large buildings pass by, and after four stops he's hoping off the bus to a run down looking apartment complex and skipping inside.
When Jungkook graduated a few months ago, he had found a nice place to live since he had spent all four years of college on campus. It was less run down and a little more expensive. It's not that he'd be a millionaire right after school but he is self-sufficient, probably doesn't need the roommate but decided to rent this place anyway.
But his thought process was simply revolving around Jimin coming home soon, and so he didn’t necessarily want to find the perfect place to live so that him and Jimin could find one together. He also wants to save his money for the two of them and spending less money in rent is the best way he knows how to do that.
When he skips up the stairs the floorboards creak and when he passes by the other apartments he can hear the TV's blaring and a baby crying, like something out of a movie in a neighborhood that is just waiting to get robbed or blown up. It sort of smells, and he wonders when the last time they cleaned the carpets or even cleaned the hallways in general.
At the fourth floor Jungkook turns down the hallway and fumbles for his keys, and the routine of going inside, putting down his belongings, turning on the AC and plopping on his couch is so boring. He loosens his black tie and throws his head back against the cushion with the loudest, dumbest groan he's ever made in his entire life.
At the sudden voice, Jungkook's eyes pop open and he jumps a bit, then falls back annoyingly when he notices who it is.
"Thought you were out of town," Jungkook states lazily to his roommate. Hoseok appears from around the corner of their small kitchen with a bowl of ramen in his hand and the noodles pouring from his mouth. He slurps them up and sits on the armrest of the couch.
"Just got back about an hour ago," he says. "What's wrong? You look like someone just stole your bike."
"I don't have a bike," Jungkook states lamely and Hoseok rolls his eyes playfully. "And I'm just so tired."
"How are you tired when you literally work a 9-5, you get a full night's rest, you're out of school -"
"I’m not physically tired,” Jungkook cuts him off before Hoseok can list a million more things about Jungkook’s life that normal people would crave. “More like mentally, emotionally - "
"Ah," Hoseok nods in understanding. "Is it about Jimin?"
"What else would it be about?"
Hoseok slurps up the last of his noodles then drops the chopsticks in the bowl. He reaches out to brush back Jungkook's hair in a very cute and loving way that Jungkook wants to appreciate but can’t find the energy to. "You should tell him how this is impacting you."
"I don't want him to worry about me," Jungkook counters quickly. "If he knows I'm miserable then who knows what will happen."
"He might surprise you, he might be understanding."
Jungkook shakes his head. "How could he be understanding when he's literally across the entire world? Jimin is too attentive and he’ll blame himself. He'll cry a lot and it'll interrupt all of his work, he'll be the one to get depressed knowing that I'm not handling things well."
Hoseok clicks his tongue in a slight scold. "I one-hundred percent disagree."
Jungkook turns his head to look up at the older boy and raises one eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Maybe I don't care if you do or not."
"Don't be rude," Hoseok glares. "I'm just saying that you're assuming he'll be that way. You don't even know how he's feeling because you guys don't even talk anymore. Don't you remember when he first went away? I remember back in college the way you two would be on the phone every night until you fell asleep and wake up with your phones dead. Then you'd bitch all day about your phone being dead and having to go to school. You'd be excited to talk to him again once you actually charged your phone. I remember your face lighting up every time he sent you a cute snapchat or posted anything on twitter."
Jungkook feels his insides sink to the pit of his stomach. Hoseok isn’t wrong, and it's not like that anymore between him and Jimin anymore anyway.
"I supported him when he first went away because he was supposed to come back," Jungkook states firmly. "But he hasn't. He’s not.”
"Not yet," Hoseok says to him, but Jungkook is having a really hard time believing that Jimin will ever leave America - not after the recent conversations he's had with him about how well he's doing, how he's actually found amazing work that he loves, and how overall happy he seems. "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do."
Jungkook pulls his tie over his head and loosens a few buttons on his dress shirt. Then he's standing and passing by Hoseok who only pats him endearingly on the back. Jungkook closes the door to his room and takes off his shirt, dropping it on the floor haphazardly and falling into his computer chair.
He spins aimlessly while he goes through social media to catch up on the day.
Jungkook drops his phone on the desk and reluctantly takes a shower to get ready to be somewhat social tonight. And although spending time with his friends isn't the worst thing in the world, he seems to force himself to enjoy their company tonight when what he really wants to do is crawl into bed and disappear, maybe wake up in New York next to Jimin or some fantasy like that.
Because he swears he almost can't even remember how he smells, how he feels - can’t remember the types of sounds he can make when they were intimate. How long has it been since he's kissed him? How long has it been since he's heard him moan, felt his nails dig into his back -
Namjoon and Taehyung do well to keep to themselves, not being a total couple in front of Jungkook while they watch the movie and snack on popcorn. Jungkook appreciates it, sure, but he also hates that he feels like a burden and that everyone has to be so careful around him.
And it wasn't always like this - when Jungkook and Jimin were both in college and they lived in separate dorms, they went to parties and out on cute dates with other couples to museums in the city and parks and the ocean. They could all just be themselves while they finished the most important part of their lives.
During that time, Jungkook tried to think that since Jimin would be graduating before him that things wouldn't change. But they did change, they have. And he's not sure it'll ever really be the same.
How can he fucking know if Jimin isn't here?
After Namjoon and Taehyung leave, it's nearly one in the morning and Jungkook falls onto his back on his bed. He pulls out his phone once again to scroll through and see what Jimin has been up to so far while he lives his life on the other side of the world.
Jungkook wants to scoff at the replies, has to actually hold himself back because of Jimin having all these other friends and this entire other life without him. But he's happy, he swears, that Jimin is doing what he loves and that he has that support. And what can he give him from all the way across the ocean?
Jungkook types on his phone and leaves his own reply.
He closes out of everything and is just about to turn off the light and go to sleep when his phone goes off. And it’s Jimin's ringtone.
He swipes right in an instant.
"Hi, Kookie," Jimin says back and just hearing Jimin's voice is like heaven just opened up and released a serenade of music. Jungkook closes his eyes and relishes his voice for just a fragile second. "You're awake?"
"Yeah for the most part, was just about to go to bed but it can wait. What are you up to?"
Jungkook can hear shuffling in the background and assumes that Jimin is still at work. It's technically Friday afternoon for him due to time zones and he still has his entire day to get through whereas Jungkook is about to slip into a different realm. It's confusing.
"We're taking a little break in between rehearsals. I created choreo for the opening number this week so we're going to give it a try today to see if it flows," Jimin tells him, and Jungkook can hear the excitement in his voice whenever he speaks about dancing.
"That's so insane. Can't believe you're working on a fucking Broadway show."
"I know. It's surreal. Every day when I come to the theater I think I'm dreaming. It's so amazing," Jimin says with an elated sigh and although Jungkook loves that Jimin is excited he can't help but feel that twinge of jealousy erupt in his chest.
There's a small few seconds of silence between them. It's not uncomfortable necessarily, and just having Jimin connecting with Jungkook in this way even if it's just over the phone is almost enough for him to feel content with their long distance situation. Yet it's hard, probably the most difficult thing he's ever had to handle, and he thinks about what Hoseok had said earlier today about actually telling Jimin that he's not doing well at all.
But how can he do that when Jimin is literally in the middle of rehearsal having the time of his life and living his dream? How can he ruin that for him? What good will it do for them?
Jungkook wets his lips. "Miss you."
"I miss you."
Then there is more silence and Jungkook just listens to Jimin breathe on the other line. He feels a tightness in his chest that's become unfortunately familiar, and he can't stand it. He hates that feeling, hates that he lacks the ability to be supportive and for it to be genuine.
And against everything he believes in, Jungkook just can't help what he says next.
"When are you coming home?"
The silence that follows these words is worse than before, definitely not comfortable, and Jungkook immediately regrets saying this as soon as he does.
"Jungkook - "
"I know, I'm sorry," Jungkook interrupts Jimin quickly and slaps his hand against his forehead.
"I can't just come home, I'm - "
"I'm literally taking part in something so big for my career and future, I'm -"
"It's so important to me, what I'm doing. I'm so happy doing this. I didn't get this chance back home -"
"Baby, I know."
Jimin's last words come out harsh and sharp as a tack. Jungkook squeezes his eyes shut and hates that he said what he said. Because he shouldn't have said anything.
And all he’s ever wanted to do was be supportive and now it seems like he's just a clingy boyfriend from a country that Jimin practically despises now.
And what he wants to do is say a million things that would convince Jimin otherwise - that he does know, that he's fine, that he's so supportive and he just can't wait to see him again whenever that is, that he'll wait for him forever, that they could go another year without seeing each other and it'd be perfectly okay and that they'd make it work just like they promised -
But nothing comes out. Not a squeak or even a sigh, nothing. Jungkook is silent. Because he doesn't feel that way at all.
And maybe he's just tired of lying, maybe he just can't hide it anymore.
"Wow," Jimin lets out this sigh at Jungkook’s lack of a response and it's obvious he's frustrated. Jungkook feels immediately terrible and rubs at his eyes. "I need to get back."
“Jimin - "
"I'm really glad we got to talk today."
"Jimin, wait -"
"I'll catch up with you later."
And then he hangs up. Jungkook drops his phone right down on his face.
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
There are several days that pass and Jimin is not taking Jungkook's calls, answering his texts, replying to him on social media, or anything.
And normally if he didn't respond right away it wouldn't be a big deal since they were okay with not talking every single day, but knowing that Jimin is upset with Jungkook and that’s the reason why just makes it ten times worse.
And he can't deal with it.
Jungkook knows he fucked up, but there are also parts of him that feel like he deserves to give some sort of explanation. Jimin can’t really think that Jungkook is just okay with the fact that they haven’t seen each other in almost a year, right? After they loved so deeply? After they promised each other that they’d be together forever and all of that other cliche crap that movies and romance novels sell to his generation?
Halfway through the work week, Namjoon and Jungkook sit outside at the picnic tables in the courtyard of their large business office complex for lunch. Jungkook pokes at the salad, finding the leafy greens to be the least exciting thing in his life, while Namjoon unwraps his sandwich and chews easily.
"You look like shit."
Namjoon says this deadpan and Jungkook manages the smallest of laughs since he agrees. He shakes his head. "Honestly I feel pretty shitty."
"That's literally nothing new, Jungkook," Namjoon wipes at his mouth from some stray mayo. "Ever since you started here two months ago after your graduation, I thought that you were like some serial killer sizing all of us up. Sometimes I still think you might blow this place up one day.”
"That's really discouraging," Jungkook admits with a sigh. He pokes at the salad with his fork unimpressed. "That's not what I want.”
"Oh no? Had me and the entire office fooled."
Jungkook frowns fully now, and maybe a part of him didn't realize that his behavior and attitude has been impacting everyone around him so much. He thinks about Hoseok and the shitty state of their apartment, then Taehyung who has been one of his best friends for years. And of course there is Namjoon who is the one who even got him this job to begin with.
He didn’t have to do that, especially to Jungkook who has been a terrible friend over the last few months.
And the money is good, the future is promising. Namjoon, even being three years older than him and still working out on the main floor of the office, makes good money and lives fairly decent. Next year he's looking at a promotion and he'll get his own cubicle, and if Jungkook stays put and does a good job he can eventually have all of that too.
It's safe. This job is safe, his degree was safe.
But is it what he wants?
Jungkook squints his eyes at the afternoon sun. Summer is almost over and eventually the atmosphere will turn cold, and he can’t imagine that will do anything encouraging for his sour moods.
"Namjoon?” Jungkook asks with his voice sort of high-pitched, his demeanor completely changing to something more innocent. “Do you think that Jimin will ever come back?"
Namjoon is chewing and gives an easy shrug with his hand reaching for his drink and slurping it from the straw loudly. "Who knows. I don't know you guys that well, but from what Taehyung told me he sounds like he's doing pretty well in America. Why would he want to come back here and be less successful?"
The words are blunt, so obvious. Jungkook feels like he wants to vomit all of a sudden.
"He'll come back because of me, Namjoon," Jungkook says this and Namjoon pauses his movement, as if realizes what he really just said about Jimin and how he said it. "Right?"
Maybe it’s because Namjoon is older, maybe it's because even in the short months they've known each other Jungkook has started to look up to him in a brotherly type of way, but there is something in Namjoon's gaze that has Jungkook panicking. Because Namjoon isn’t saying anything anymore, and there is this look in his eye that is causing Jungkook to practically taste the answer right on the tip of his tongue.
His mouth opens.
"Oh my god, you really don't think he's going to come back, do you?"
Namjoon puts down his sandwich and sets his hands on the table in front of him. He looks right at Jungkook through his big glasses as if he’s in an interrogation room and Jungkook is the culprit.
"Jungkook, you have to live your life just like Jimin is living his. And maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think there is anything else here for him. Of course you're here, of course he loves you, but - "
" - he doesn't love me enough to come back,”
It feels like the entire sky has fallen and crushed him where he sits. He leans back and drops his arms heavily at his side, and he's never had a panic attack before but maybe this is the start of one. His breathing increases and his hands grip at the wooden bench as he starts to ramble uncontrollably.
"I mean, you're right, he - he loves me but he's not coming back," Jungkook says this with his eyes wide staring right down at his salad unmoving. "He's not coming back, Namjoon. Oh my god, he's really not ever going to come back here."
"Jungkook, you gotta pull it together."
"I can't believe it. It's like, I've known, you know? Like I've known it all along but I haven't really accepted it until now because everyone has been coddling me and telling me that he's going to come back!” Jungkook’s voice has gotten loud and he feels the air leave his chest and even though he’s trying to inhale it’s like every breath is exhausting. “Because why wouldn't he? Right? My mom, my family, Taehyung - they've all promised me that he's going to come back but you're right. He's not. Jimin isn't coming back! He's not, he's not coming back, he’s not - "
"Okay, come here," Namjoon interrupts Jungkook's mindless muttering to stand and slide onto the bench next to him. He presses his hand into his shoulder and looks at Jungkook like a father would scold a child. "Listen to me, you have a really good job here, right? But this job and that gross apartment doesn’t have to be your future if you don't want it to be. When you see your future, when you actually look at your life even a year from now, is Jimin in it?"
Jungkook nods because he doesn't even have to think twice. "Yeah, yes. I don't want anyone else. I just want him."
"And in that future are you here? Like right here? In that apartment? Working this desk job? In this country?”
And this is the question that makes Jungkook pause and think. He actually looks around the courtyard at the many people in their business suites eating lunch, at the people through the big glass windows, at the interns following ten feet behind their superiors as they take pleasant walks around the area, and then he thinks about his really small apartment and how boring his life is here -
"No, not here," Jungkook swallows.
Jungkook moves his eyes to Namjoon's and Namjoon gives him a little nod and a gentle squeeze against his shoulder to encourage him.
A smile peeks from Namjoon's lips as Jungkook comes to the conclusion with a little help.
"Honestly I don't know what you’re still doing here, Jungkook. Couldn't even believe it when Taehyung asked me to get you this job after what I knew about you and Jimin. I'm glad we met, and I know you could make a great employee here at the company, but this isn't your future. Your future is across the goddamn ocean, so go get him."
There is something inside of Jungkook that feels oddly liberated. He feels water build up behind the back of his eyes and he's not a crier at all but he seriously feels like he might hug Namjoon and never let him go.
After some more chatting (and maybe Jungkook being a bit more emotional), they gather their lunch and head inside. Jungkook straightens his tie and organizes the papers on his desk feeling something new erupt inside of him. He stacks the papers and pulls out his reports and gets to work. For the next four hours he picks up his own slack, completes literally everything he's been avoiding for weeks since he first started, and feels proud at the end of the day for getting it all done.
With a goodbye to Namjoon, Jungkook jumps on the bus heading to the apartment and opens his computer.
For the next few hours, Jungkook researches places to stay, averages out the cost of living in New York, searches for jobs and even applies to some for the hell of it.
He looks at the clock and realizes it's nearly 12am. Usually he'd be asleep by now on a work night but he can't believe he's actually felt motivated for the first time in months to do something other than sleep and work. How he even graduated a couple months ago is still beyond him. He takes a shower and gets in bed, but not before opening his phone to the stranded text message thread between him and Jimin from nearly a week ago that Jimin has yet to respond to.
He cringes at his own words, and honestly the messages seem foreign to him, like he doesn't even recognize who sent them. He chews on his lip as his fingers start to type on the keyboard.
There isn't an answer right away even though Jimin has seen the messages, and Jungkook decides that that's okay. He's just about to roll over when his phone goes off.
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
For three weeks Jungkook has been hard at work. Literally. He goes to his full time job during the day and also convinced the restaurant across the street from his apartment complex to let him deliver meals four or five times a week in the evening and weekends. He’s been stashing away the extra money. Instead of spending funds on takeout and big dinners, he buys endless ramen and off brand snacks, just getting the bare minimum and only purchasing what he absolutely needs. Instead of taking the bus he's riding his bike now, even just to save on that fee and finding that putting away this extra money is difficult, but he knows it’ll be worth it.
At work, he casually starts to talk to his boss more than he was at first, and no it's not because he wants to stay here necessarily but because he's mustering up the courage to ask for some time off even though he's only been here for barely three months.
In the meantime, him and Jimin text casually as well, and Jungkook is determined to give him more attention on social media again like he did before. When Jimin posts anything related to work, Jungkook gives him praise yet also doesn’t try to seem too over the top or smothering.
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
Jungkook presents his ticket to the doorman at the theater and says thank you before stepping inside. He runs his hands down his nice black suit with a sigh, and his nerves are through the roof. He grabs a drink from the bar, doing the best he can to ask for what he needs without speaking the language, and manages to get a glass of champagne. He steps inside the actual theater and is amazed at the atmosphere.
He's been researching the musical and looking at the articles and all of the hype leading up to it, and all he wants to do is show Jimin that he supports him, even if that meant crossing the goddamn ocean. The ticket for both the plane and the show were expensive, to say the least, especially at the last minute. But Jungkook believes that this is one of the best ways to let Jimin know that he's serious about them, that he’s serious about their relationship, and that he’ll do whatever it takes to support him doing what he loves to do.
Jungkook takes his seat and sips on his champagne, and when the show starts Jungkook is once again in complete amazement.
During intermission, he debates on texting Jimin to let him know he's here but has decided not to. He does check his phone, only seeing one more post from Jimin about the Broadway show, and another text message to him directly after Jungkook had wished him luck. Thankfully, Jimin seems to be too invested in the opening night to notice that Jungkook has turned off location sharing and whatnot, and it's a good thing. Because he doesn’t want to spoil it, and he wants Jimin to be surprised.
Jungkook sits through the second half and is impressed at how well the show is, and the choreography that Jimin had a direct hand in is absolutely breathtaking. And maybe Jungkook needed to see it up close, maybe he really needed to be here to see what Jimin has been so passionate about in order to understand why he has stayed. It’s emotional, to say the least, to be here and watching something that Jimin has created right before his very eyes.
Jungkook finds himself tearing up at the end, standing and clapping with the others, and a mixture of emotions flood through him - pride for his boyfriend being so talented, and mostly anxious to be seeing him again.
He lingers while the crowd clears out and fumbles his phone around his hand. He wants to tell Jimin he's here, that he's here in New York and he's so ready to see him again after almost a full year of being apart.
But he’s really nervous.
Like, stupidly nervous.
Jungkook doesn't have any special privileges here, so it's not like he can just head backstage and ask around for his boyfriend. He decides to go to the bar that’s attached to the theater, taking a seat and ordering another drink. He has his phone out again and is focused on Jimin's thread between them.
What should he do? What should he say? He’s literally had a full day between traveling to New York, getting his hotel, and attending the show to figure out how he would see Jimin for the first time but suddenly his mind is fucking blank.
Jungkook laughs at himself before he's taking a big gulp of the liquor. Then as quickly as he puts the drink down, as quickly as he instinctively turns around to look at the glass doors leading out into the lobby of the theater, that's when he sees him.
And Jungkook's heart just fucking bursts.
He's out of his chair in record speed going for the doors, and Jimin is jogging through the lobby towards him with his silver hair bouncing, fancy floral shirt sort of swaying against his body as he dashes.
And when Jungkook pushes through the doors and they make eye contact, Jimin's mouth stretches into the biggest smile that Jungkook has ever fucking seen. He literally screams. "Jungkook!"
They're running towards each other now with Jungkook's arms open and he can't believe that Jimin is here, that he's here, and that Jimin is colliding into his chest so hard that Jungkook stumbles backwards. His arms go around Jimin’s waist, holding him so close that Jimin's feet lift from the ground.
And he's still not much of a crier but Jungkook's eyes are swelling as Jimin is embracing him with his arms across his shoulders and he's chanting. "Oh my god! I can't believe you're here. Oh my god, Jungkook!"
He spins him like they would in the movies, and their laughing together not wanting to let go. Until Jungkook sets him down and his hands are on Jimin's face just looking at him, and tears dot the corners of Jimin's eyelids as his hands come up to do the same.
"You're really here," Jimin stammers out.
"I'm here," Jungkook surges forward to connect their lips for the first time in literally months. And Jimin gasps, as if he's unprepared. He’s so caught off guard that he can't stop smiling enough to kiss him back. Jungkook presses their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.,"
"Oh my god, it's okay," Jimin kisses him again and again, his hands finding leverage in Jungkook's hair to hold him closer.
"It's not okay. I should have come with you. I should have been here right after I graduated," Jungkook is gripping at Jimin’s waist and he’s shaking his head, feeling all of his bad moods and insecurities come pouring through him like someone has opened a floodgate. “I should have realized how happy you were here. I should have done a million things differently just to be here with you.”
"Jungkook, baby," Jimin holds Jungkook’s face in his hands, looks up at him with his eyes wet and sparkling as he blinks through his long lashes, and Jungkook thinks that Jimin is the most beautiful person in the whole world - with his cheeks flushed, lips painted a light pink, and dots of eye shadow against the corners of his lids. And he just looks so ethereal, so unreal, like someone plucked him right out of daydream and placed him right in front of Jungkook. And Jungkook can't believe he's touching him right now. "It's okay. Really. You're here. I can't believe you're here."
It's like this sentence and this mantra is enough for Jimin to start crying, and he just sort of lets it out and falls into Jungkook's chest, and Jungkook's arms are holding him even though it doesn't seem close enough.
"I missed you, I love you," Jungkook rocks him and squeezes him so possessively, swearing to everything in the entire world that he’ll never be able to let him go again.
Jimin sobs a bit harder, face digging into Jungkook's neck. "I love you."
⋅≪ ∞ ≫⋅
Jungkook waits on a bench in the lobby reluctantly after Jimin had to go back and say goodbye to his coworkers and the staff that he apparently had left abruptly to meet Jungkook. He told Jungkook that they initially planned to go out and celebrate their opening night, and now that Jungkook is here he couldn’t wait to bring him along.
Initially Jungkook thought that maybe they could just spend the night together by themselves, but now that he's here in New York, and since he's only here for a week to visit, that it might be fun to see everything and meet everyone that Jimin has been involved with first hand since living here without him.
It’s not long before Jimin makes his appearance again, and Jungkook can't help but take him back in his arms right where he belongs.
"You want to change? You look super fancy tonight," Jimin teases while he rests himself comfortable against Jungkook’s front. "You don’t really need a suit and tie to go out to dinner."
"Yeah I could change. Do we have time?"
"Sure. The restaurant is right down the street. We can take a cab back?" Jimin looks up at him sweetly and Jungkook nods, unable to resist an opportunity to capture Jimin’s mouth against his own again in the process.
Jungkook wraps his arm around Jimin's shoulder as they start down Broadway, a place that he’s only heard about in songs and seen in the movies. And Jungkook is amazed by the classic flashing lights and the endless sights and sounds. He didn't really get to enjoy the atmosphere when he first arrived due to his nerves and just being focused on finding the theater, but now it all seems surreal to be in an entirely different country with his arm around the guy he's so in love with. And it just feels so right.
Needless to say, Jungkook spent a little bit of money on a hotel nearby just so he didn't have to worry about getting lost or taking too much time to get to the theater. It's very fancy, and Jimin raises his eyebrows at Jungkook as they step into the elevator with the bellman pressing the button for them. He bites at his lip and giggles a little, and Jungkook will admit that he feels somewhat out of place being in such a fancy atmosphere even though he’s dressed for a night on the town.
They laugh childishly as the doors close behind them to Jungkook's floor. He swipes his keycard to his room and holds open the door for Jimin to step in.
Jimin is overly impressed with the size and ambiance of the room, and Jungkook responds to his obvious inquiry at the space. "Yeah, I might have spent like half my savings on this hotel."
"Please tell me you didn't book it for the whole week," Jimin looks at him with a small, playful scold. "You know you're going to stay with me, right?"
"I don't want to intrude on your roommates unannounced," Jungkook says to him as he drops his jacket on the back of the desk chair. "Besides, it'll be nice to have our own space while I’m here, don't you think?"
Jimin nods with his lips pressed together. Jungkook untucks his shirt and is nonchalantly walking around the room. He barely had time to unpack his suitcases so he unzips them and starts to fumble through the garments searching for some nice jeans that he knows he brought and maybe a simple button up. He tosses everything on the desk and on the chair, aimlessly focused on the task of finding a new outfit.
When he discovers what he’s looking for, he stands up straight holding out the garments and turns to face Jimin.
And Jimin is just standing there in the middle of the room with his hands folded in front of him, and he's looking around innocently with his eyes big and his lips sticking out in a cute way. The pink flowy shirt is almost see-through with the sleeves big at the ends, and he's wearing white pants that are tight against his legs. As cliche as it sounds in his head, Jungkook swears that he looks like a fucking angel - so naturally poised and perfectly proportioned.
Jungkook just stares at him for a whole fucking minute, finding Jimin to be absolutely ethereal and breathtakingly beautiful. And he can't believe that Jimin is standing not fifteen feet from him after they've been away from each other for so long.
Jimin moves his gaze to Jungkook's. "What?"
Jungkook drops the garments on the ground. Then he's surging forward towards his boyfriend until they’re colliding again, mouths finding each other so desperately and urgently that Jungkook swears he might faint at the contact. His arms go to Jimin’s waist and slide down the curve of his bottom to his thighs before he's lifting him up.
Jimin lets out a little squeal as his arms wrap around Jungkook's shoulders in the process. Jungkook carries him easily to the bed, presses his knees into the mattress, and drops them both onto the surface with their lips never parting.
He kisses him long, so hard it’s as if Jungkook has been starved the last several months and kissing Jimin is the only thing that will rejuvenate him and give him substance. He pushes back the silvery strands of his hair and pulls him closer by the nape of his neck, then licks at his lips until Jimin is moaning under him, and the sound is something so foreign and faint.
Jungkook's mouth is at his jaw next, his lips finding the skin of Jimin's neck to taste delicious and overdue. He smells intoxicating, like the sweetest garden inside a dry desert, a secret little place that’s just for him. Jimin squeezes at his shoulders with his voice coming out breathy and gruff. "I missed you."
Jungkook grunts slightly and pulls away, with his mouth now dotting against the corners of Jimin's lips in teasing kisses. "Missed you, love you."
Jimin giggles cutely. "We're going to be late for the party."
Jungkook smiles and rolls himself against Jimin’s body a little bit more to find friction, just enough for there to be growing pressure between them that causes Jimin to inhale deeply at the immediate contact.
He swallows with a small gulp. "It's been a while - "
Jungkook nods and dips his head down again to find Jimin's slender neck and trails his mouth down to his exposed collarbone. "I know."
"We don't have to rush."
Jungkook understands - he knows what Jimin might be feeling because honestly Jungkook feels it too. He's nervous and maybe even anxious since it’s been so long, but he’s also falling so deeply in love with Jimin all over again in this moment that he's finding it very difficult to withstand while laying right under him this way. It has been a while, but Jungkook isn't sure he'll be able to wait too much longer.
Jungkook's hand finds itself wandering under Jimin's shirt to tease at his stomach, his fingers dipping into his hard body as he traces the muscles of his toned physique. He hums lightly. "You're really hard to resist."
Jimin's hands are in Jungkook's hair, threading his fingers through the dark locks as he twists his own neck to give Jungkook’s mouth more access, which Jungkook takes full advantage of. He grinds down slightly with the resistance of their pants rubbing almost painfully against each other now.
"I missed you so much," Jimin breathes out lazily as his eyes flutter closed and his entire body sighs at the contact of Jungkook's mouth against his throat and the pressure against his hips. "So, so much - "
Jungkook squeezes at Jimin’s bare hip under his shirt, then moves back up so he’s looking back down at him. "It's going to be different now."
Jimin opens his eyes and gazes up at Jungkook lovingly with his hands still intertwined in his hair. "How?"
It's an innocent question, not one to cause an argument or to press on a sensitive issue. There’s a curiousness that is twinkling in Jimin’s eyes due to the sudden change of events. Jungkook understands why Jimin might be skeptical, or concerned, about what Jungkook plans to do about their relationship.
"I want - " Jungkook swipes his tongue against his lips and feels immediate anxiety build in his chest. Jimin has this way of looking at him that is driving him crazy, causing him to be both nervous and completely dumb struck at the attentiveness behind his eyes. Jimin is so focused on Jungkook in this moment that it almost leaves Jungkook breathless.
"What do you want?" Jimin urges lightly.
"I want - I want to live here, with you," Jungkook says with an exhale.
For just a second Jungkook isn't sure if Jimin heard him or understood what he is implying. Jimin's mouth opens a little bit and he's moving to sit up, forcing Jungkook to sit back on his legs before he responds naively. "Like, you want to move here?"
Jungkook nods and chews at his lip. "I want to be wherever you are. And if you're here then I need to be here too. Permanently."
Jimin lets out this very precious and undeniable smile that is matched with this sound from the very pit of his heart that explodes like a laugh, sort of sounds like heaven. His hands cover his mouth in shock. "Like really? You’re serious?"
Jungkook completely laughs at this response and feels utterly smitten at Jimin's reaction. "Yes, really. I mean, I'm just visiting right now but yes. I want to move here, I want to be with you, baby. I fucking love you."
"Oh, my god, really? You're for real?"
Jungkook attacks his mouth and kisses him so sweetly with his hand on the side of his neck, thumb tracing down the apple of his cheek. "How many times do you want me to say it?"
"At least a couple more," Jimin laughs fully now and throws himself onto Jungkook like a needy child, and he's kissing him eagerly now, unable to hide his excitement.
"I'm moving here," Jungkook tells him in between their kisses. "I'm gonna live with you. We're gonna be together."
"One more time," Jimin holds Jungkook’s face between his hands, taking his bottom lip in between his teeth before releasing it with a deep exhale.
Jungkook's hands dig into Jimin's skin on his waist, and his voice drops just a bit as he pushes against him further, unable to resist the build up in his body from wanting to absolutely consume Jimin in every single way. "We're going to live together. We’re going to be together. I fucking love you. Fuck, my heart is on fire for you, for your love, for everything."
"Jungkook, I love you."
"God, baby I fucking love you."
Then their words are cut short by the chaotic movement of their mouths that seem to express everything they've been needing to say over the painful time they've been apart. They kiss frantically while their clothes are tossed in wayward directions inside the hotel room and with their bodies pressed so close together that Jungkook swears they become one fucking person.
They're speechless as Jungkook moves inside of him, wrapping Jimin so tight in his arms until he's shivering and sweating, cursing and moaning the sweetest sounds that Jungkook has ever heard. He burns them permanently into his memory never wanting to forget. Because he knows that it'll take some time for them to get everything together, for them to actually be together, and the thought of being away from Jimin again is just as painful. He uses that energy - that heavy, raw emotion - to pleasure him endlessly into the night. And the sound of their intimacy is pressed eternally into the walls of that hotel.
And Namjoon was right - Jungkook's future is settled right here in his arms as he lays in bed on the other side of the world.
Jimin falls asleep against him with the sheets of the hotel bed loosely wrapped around their bare frames, and Jungkook relishes in the sound of him sleeping, the steady thump of his heart while he dreams, and he swears that against all odds they are going to make this work. He kisses at the top of Jimin's head, whispers I love you until his voice is raw and his throat is dry.
And even though there will be some distance between them again soon and they have more trials to face, Jungkook knows that this time it won't keep them apart.