“No way! Dude, that’s so freaking romantic!” Ella cheered as she spun around in her lab chair and tried to imagine the Deckerstar date as if she was going to be there (and not just in spirit). “Chloe’s going to love it.”
“Yes, well…” Lucifer began as he watched her spin so many times he became dizzy (a feeling he was just starting to get used to now that he spent all his time around Chloe). “Miss Lopez, what on earth are you doing spinning around like a Disneyland teacup?”
Ella stopped suddenly and stared at her close friend. “I’m waiting for the results to come in, duh. Look, dude. Don’t try to change the subject on me. The beach is a perfect place to do it. Come on, Luce. You have to go through with it.”
He grumbled like a toddler and looked around to find Chloe talking to Dan. He watched her for a few seconds until he jumped at Ella’s touch. He was still getting used to her touchiness, despite knowing her for years.
“She’s going to love it, buddy. Don’t worry about it. Decker’s a good one. Speaking of, what do you think I should get Maze and Eve for Valentines?”
He gazed at her with confusion. “You are the one who always has the perfect romantic gift in mind, are you not?”
Ella rolled her eyes and said, “Uh, of course I am! But this is different . I’ve never been in a long term relationship and well… one of them seems like they would be royally offended if I didn’t get them a Valentines gift and the other one would be royally offended if I did. And I can’t get one of them a gift and not the other. And who the hell knows if they’re getting me anything.”
Lucifer was amused. He was always made fun of for being so utterly frazzled by relationships and he was glad to see he wasn’t alone.
“Miss Lopez, why don’t you just ask them?”
She looked at him like he was crazy. “ Ask them?! Are you ins-- Papá! Mamá!” She gaped at her parents that entered her lab with big smiles on their faces and their arms opened wide. She immediately hugged them and asked, “What are you two doing here? In LA?”
“We’ve come to see you, mija!” Her mother greeted and pinched her cheeks until they were rosy. “We haven’t seen you in years!”
Nervous laughter flooded from Ella’s lips (because there was a reason why it had been so long) and she said, “Yeah, I know, but… you didn’t call me and tell me that you were coming.”
“We wanted to surprise you,” Her father told her with a large and warm grin. He turned to see Lucifer trying to tiptoe out of the lab and furrowed his eyebrows. “Who are you?”
Lucifer abruptly stopped, gulped, and turned around with a charming smile. He always wanted to make a good first impression.
He was about to introduce himself when Ella rushed over to his side, grabbed his hand, and told her parents, “This is Lu-- Lucas Matthews. He’s my… boyfriend.”
When Ella’s parents gasped and looked at each other with glee, Lucifer turned to his friend and tried to wordlessly ask what the fuck ? She shrugged and mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ before returning her attention to her parents.
“We are so happy to meet you, Lucas!” Ella’s mother shouted and wrapped her arms around the stiff man who wanted to pry her fingers off of him. “Ella has told us that she was seeing someone for weeks now but wouldn’t tell us too much about him.” She pulled away and then kissed him on both sides of his cheeks, embarrassing the man (though he’d never admit it). “I’m Janet. And this is my husband Francisco.”
Lucifer was quite speechless. This was not how he thought his day was going to turn out. He could see the guilt forming in his friend’s face and sighed. He hated lying, but he’d do anything for Ella Lopez.
“It’s a pleasure to be acquainted with you, Mrs. Lopez and Mr. Lopez. I’ve heard a great deal about you both. Miss Lopez loves to chat about her dear home in Detroit.”
Francisco raised his eyebrows and looked the man up and down. His wife already seemed taken by him, but he was not so sure. He seemed… theatrical and egotistical. Not the kind of man he’d imagine with his daughter.
“I moved to LA in 2011 and have been here ever since,” Lucifer replied, trying to lie as little as possible. “This is my home now.”
Francisco eyes him carefully and questioned, “That must have been a huge adjustment with the weather.”
Lucifer chuckled anxiously and confessed (as he thought about the real place he lived before LA), “That would be quite the understatement, Mr. Lopez.”
Ella’s mother turned to her daughter and said, “Me gusta mucho, hija. Es muy guapo y encantador. ¿Por qué aún no te has casado con él?”
Lucifer grinned devilishly and answered for Ella, “Gracias, señora Lopez. Me gusta mucho tu hija, pero no estamos listos para casarnos.”
Janet gasped and grabbed her husband’s arm. “You speak Spanish as well? You even sound fluent.”
He chuckled lightly and replied, “Sí. I am fluent in many languages.”
“And with those talents, you work here?” Janet asked him with curiosity. “Or are you just visiting my daughter?”
“I’m a civilian consultant. I work with-- Detective! ” He stopped talking and stared at his partner (in and out of the office) that just happened to walk into the lab at the exact wrong time.
Chloe was looking from person to person until her eyes landed on the joined hands of her boyfriend and best friend. She wasn’t jealous (she was working on ‘not jumping to conclusions') but this was just odd and she wanted to understand.
“Papá, Mamá, this is my best friend, Detective Chloe Decker. Lucas, my boyfriend, is her partner. I work most cases with them.” She emphasized different words in hope that Chloe would catch on to what was happening.
The blonde was not dense. She knew that they were pretending to be dating. She just didn’t understand why . She had only heard amazing things about Ella’s parents and didn’t comprehend why she would lie to them.
“It’s an honor to meet you both,” Chloe told them and shook their hands. “And I hate to interrupt this reunion, but there’s a case. I’m going to uh… head down to the crime scene. Luci-- Lucas , are you ready?”
“He’s going to ride with me,” Ella shouted suddenly causing her friends to stare at her with disbelief. “And we can drop my parents off at a hotel on the way, right, babe?”
“Ah, indeed, my dear,” Lucifer responded awkwardly and turned to his friend’s parents. “I can drive us all if you follow me.”
Lucifer led the group out of the lab and toward the exit. On the way, several colleagues had said hello to Ella and ‘Lucifer’ which confused the parents greatly. They couldn’t understand why people would use a name with such horrible meaning for such a nice man. Once they got into Lucifer’s fancy car, they asked him why they would call him that unspeakable name.
“It’s a nickname,” Ella chimed in quickly. “Lucas studied theology but is an expert on the Devil. The department thinks it’s funny to call him by the Devil’s name because of it. Lucifer Morningstar. Everyone calls him that now. It’s really--”
“Abominable!” Janet interrupted with a disgusted look in her eyes. “They should be ashamed of themselves. Lucas, you must tell these colleagues of yours to stop calling you such a thing. That wouldn’t be something He would like to hear.”
Lucifer snorted and muttered under his breath, “I’m sure dear old dad isn’t listening.”
“So, you’re religious, then?” Francisco asked him with excitement. “You believe in God?”
“Oh, I more than believe,” Lucifer answered honestly and with an almost sly smile. “I feel like I know him.”
“He’s Catholic, Papá,” Ella reassured her father. Changing the subject, she asked them, “So, how’s the rest of the family?”
“Crazy as usual,” Janet responded with a sigh. “Your Papá and I had to escape, mija. And we worry about you. I know it’s hard to believe, but when you said that you were seeing someone, we thought you were lying. We just… have never met someone you were serious about. But Lucas… we are so happy you found someone, mija. A good Catholic man like He would want. We’re so proud of you.”
Those words made Ella freeze and stare out the front of the window. Lucifer watched as the normal smile that traced her face fell and formed into a frown. He knew her well enough to notice the change in her demeanor. Her parents didn’t notice. They just continued to talk about their fear of her never marrying or having kids and having to explain it to their friends and family. Lucifer could practically feel the pain radiating off of her and wanted to do something so that he could help her.
They pulled into the lot of a large and wealthy hotel and Francisco said, “Lucas, I’m sorry, but we couldn’t afford a place like th--”
“I’m friends with the owner,” Lucifer told him with a genuine smile. “Come on. Let’s get the bags out, shall we?”
“Luce…” Ella began as she and her friend escaped the hotel and got into the car. “I am so so sorry. I put you in the worst position. I made you lie and that is not okay. I just… I panicked. My parents always set me on edge and I do stupid, stupid , things.”
He looked at her with compassion and sincerity (something she had noticed was becoming a full-time thing with him when he wasn't intimidating a suspect). Lucifer was never angry with Ella Lopez. He was worried about her, he wanted to help her, but he was in no way mad at her.
“I can gather that they are… overwhelming. Parents tend to be such a way, I can attest to that, but why lie about me being your… boyfriend? You are in a relationship. And why must I pretend I give a shit about my dear old dad and all the made-up hogwash about him?”
Tears bubbled up in Ella’s eyes and she put her head in her hands. Lucifer looked at her wildly having no idea what to do. He thought back to all the times he had been around the Detective or Chloe’s daughter when they were upset and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Once he did, she started to sob harder and on instinct, he thought he did something wrong. He pulled away sharply which caused Ella to look up at him. Instead of yelling at him (like he had expected) she reached over and leaned on his arm, pulling him closer. He raised his eyebrows and allowed her into an embrace.
“Miss Lopez… I must confess… I don’t know what I did to make you so dreadfully upset. Is there something that I can do…?”
She shook her head and muttered, “It isn’t you, Luce. It’s them . They make me feel so… flustered. I didn’t… when I told them that I was in a relationship, I never thought that they’d come to see who I was in a relationship with. I mean, it’s not like I could tell them over the phone I was dating a demon and the first woman on earth.”
“Yes, I could see how that could be jarring news. But why not tell them now, Miss Lopez? Why tell them you were dating me of all people? The literal Devil?”
Ella dried her eyes with her sleeve and confessed, “Because they don’t know I’m gay. And I’m pretty sure they’d think I was the Devil if they found out I was in a relationship with more than one woman or a woman in general.”
Lucifer winced. Sometimes he forgot the stupidity of humankind and their hatred of other people.
“That’s the problem with organized religion,” He murmured as he curled his hands into fists. “They blame their blatant hatred on religious texts that can be twisted into whatever meaning they truly desire! If your parents do not accept you for who you are, Miss Lopez, they are idiotic cretins.”
Ella’s mouth twitched into a smile and she said, “I could say the same thing about your father you know.”
Lucifer scoffed and replied, “My father sent me to Hell, Miss Lopez. You would never be subjected to…” Her eyes darkened and he realized that the words sent her to a different place. “Miss Lop-- Ella , you know that homosexuality and polyamory will not send someone to Hell, don’t you? That stuff… it’s a load of codswallop. My father wouldn’t give any care about who loves who.”
“I know,” Ella replied weakly and stared down at her hands. “I mean, I don’t know. That’s all that has ever been taught to me.”
“It’s not true,” He reassured her immediately and held her tightly. “I know that you wished for me to not discuss the properties of Hell and the afterlife, but darling, I can not allow you to live in this fear any longer. The humans who go to Hell are the people that feel terrible guilt. It has nothing to do with whoever people decide to love.”
When she learned that Lucifer was the actual Devil (just after she started dating Maze), she told him that she didn’t want to know about the afterlife. That her religion came from faith and hope and the bitter curiosity of it all. But his words genuinely comforted her.
“I think I love them, Luce,” She whispered as she pressed into his arm, trying to find his warmth. “Maze and Eve… I think I love them. My parents will be so disappointed.”
He understood what it was like to have people disappointed in you. The rage it would cause. The desperation. The depression. It was something he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
“If they don’t accept you for who you are, Miss Lopez, they’re the ones at fault. They’ll be the ones with the residual guilt. Not you.”
Ella kissed his cheek and hugged him again and smiled when he didn’t flinch at her touch. She couldn’t be more grateful for his kindness and sympathy and wished that she had someone like him around while she was growing up.
Chloe knew that her boyfriend and best friend had a deep and thoughtful connection. It was that connection that worried her years ago if there was something more going on than just friendship. And she was right, in some ways. They were more than friends. There wasn’t a word for what they had, but they were closer to siblings or platonic soulmates than anything else.
When they joined her at the crime scene, however, all her worries washed away after their quick explanation. She noticed the way Ella slightly clung to him and the tear stains on his jacket. He had been there for her emotionally and she couldn’t help but feel proud.
“I apologize, Detective,” Lucifer told her as they rode back to the precinct together. “Miss Lopez hadn’t warned me ahead of time. I wish you didn’t have to see that.”
“It’s fine, Lucifer,” Chloe responded honestly. “You were helping a friend. And that matters so much more. I think we all understand what it’s like to fear parent disapproval. I’m just glad you were there for her when she needed someone. Do you think she’ll tell her parents about Maze and Eve?”
He didn’t have the faintest clue. “Dearie me, Detective. I’ve been wondering about the same thing. For her sake, I hope so. But more often than not, telling the truth is harder than telling a lie.”
“Mija!” Janet greeted as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. When she let go, she looked around to find the British man she thought her daughter was so taken with. When she didn’t see him, she asked her, “Where is that precious man of yours? Lucas?”
“He’s… um… he’s not joining us for dinner,” Ella confessed to her parents as she opened the driver side door and hopped in. She attempted to grip the wheel but found herself sweating and shaking furiously.
“Why not?” Francisco questioned as he and his wife joined her. “Is it the case that’s keeping him back? Mija, I’m sure that he’s loyal, but that partner of his, she sure seemed interested.”
Janet leaned forward from the backseat to hit her husband’s arm. “Don’t listen to him, Ella. Your boyfriend's a man of the Lord. His loyalty to you is not something we would question. Have you two talked about a wedding yet?”
Ella shook her head desperately. “No, Mamá. We are not getting married.”
Janet waved her hands like that was preposterous. “He’s old fashioned, mija, but he’ll propose soon. I can feel it.”
“He’s a gentleman,” Francisco corrected. “You don’t live together and he still calls you Miss Lopez. A good Catholic boy.”
Ella frowned. This was not going as planned. She wanted to come out and be honest about herself and the women that she fell in love with. Instead, she was receiving speeches about how she should marry the Devil.
“Mamá, Papá, what if I didn’t want to marry a good Catholic boy?”
Janet and Francisco turned to each other in confusion. They didn’t understand their daughter at all.
“¿Qué?” Janet asked her. “Not want to marry a good Catholic boy? ¿Por qué? Lucas seems like a good match, mi vida. He has a good job and a very nice body.”
Francisco coughed, “Not that it matters. What you’re madre is trying to say is that he is as good as it gets. What more could you want?”
They were making her feel selfish. It twisted her insides until she felt raw.
“I don’t want Lucas,” She admitted in a whisper. “We aren’t even… seeing each other. He is actually seeing Chloe. They’ve been together for a while now.”
Janet didn’t understand what her daughter was trying to say. “¡Ay! Ella, it is not too late! Fight for him, mija! You can’t pass up on a man like that!”
“No, Mami,” Ella disagreed with the shake of her head. “I don’t want a man like him. His real name is Lucifer Morningstar. I lied about it being Lucas. And the whole thing about us dating. He went along with it because he’s a good friend.”
Francisco stared at his daughter with confusion. “Why would you lie about such a thing?”
“If you were really single you should have just told us, mija. We would love to see you with someone, but you don’t have to lie. We can always find someone for you—"
“I am in a relationship, Mami!” Ella shouted to stop her mother from talking. She was tired of all the assumptions and comments about her love life. But it was now or never. She knew at that moment that she was either going to say it now or never tell them. She took a deep breath, ignored their shocked faces, and admitted, “I’m dating two women. We actually all live in a penthouse above a nightclub which they both partially own.”
Janet looked flushed and faintly while Francisco quirked his head as if he thought he didn’t hear her correctly.
Ella nodded and her family winced, looking away from her in the car. Even though they weren’t facing her, she could tell that they were hurt and offended and disappointed, which caused her to feel the same way about them.
“I was going to take you to our place if you wanted to… uh… meet them? I’d have to warn you though, Maze isn’t really good with meeting new people. But Eve will make up for it. She loves talking to--”
“What part of you thinks this is okay, mija?” Francisco asked her as he began to get upset. “You are acting as if you are proud of this… this… problem that you have.”
“It’s okay,” Janet said calmly and put a comforting hand on her daughter’s arm. Ella looked at her with hope and her mother smiled. “This happens to many girls, Ella. There are people who can help you.”
Terror flashed through the younger girl’s eyes. She always heard about it when she was younger. Conversion therapy, forced chats with the priest, arranged marriages. There were always punishments for those who weren’t considered ‘normal.’
“I don’t need help, Mamá,” Ella fought back tirelessly. “There is nothing that could help this. It’s who I am. And I have always liked who I am.”
Francisco shook his head and jumped out of the car. Ella and her mother quickly followed, afraid to see what the man would do. He was walking up and down the rows of the parking lot, trying to get everything through his head.
“We should have never allowed you to come to LA. This city is full of wrong people. We’re taking you home with us, mija. It’s the only way.”
With tears in her eyes, Ella shook her head. “I’m not going to Detroit, Papi. This is my home. I have friends here. Family. People that love and support me no matter what. I was gay before I came to LA and I’ll be gay if I ever leave LA. It’s not a choice. I was made this way. God made me this way.”
Janet sobbed and looked away from her daughter when she choked out, “You’re going to Hell. My baby is going to Hell.”
Francisco comforted his wife and ignored his daughter’s tears that fell because of them. As his wife wept into his chest, he told his daughter that they were leaving. Ella was just grateful that they didn’t try to bring her home.
Maze threatened violence and Eve promised a whole day of snuggles when the lab geek revealed what had happened (leaving out the stuff about Hell and her apparently needing help). She appreciated both offers (especially after she was able to calm Maze down) but realized that as much as they tried, they didn’t really understand what she was going through. They held her tight but didn’t understand why what she needed wasn’t to be held; she needed to scream and cry and laugh and eat ice cream and play video games until she felt whole again.
She knew her girlfriends would do anything for her. Maze with her unabashed loyalty and quickness to cause harm to those who wronged her lovers and Eve with her unending capacity to comfort and love through sweet kisses and gentle phrases. They made her feel better; loved. But at the same time, not everything was reaching to her. Like there was a gaping hole or a force field keeping them apart. Because deep in the cellars of her mind were her parents' words and the dark fear that maybe they were right.
The elevator door opened with the words called out, “If nude, please put on clothing. I do not need to be scarred again.”
Lucifer had walked in on them multiple times. After a while, he became unfazed by it, but this time he brought Chloe and Trixie with him. When the six got together (which happened quite frequently) it was usually at the Decker home, but Lucifer felt like Eve and Maze should have some company as he would try to talk to Ella.
Trixie immediately greeted all the women and gave Ella the biggest hug of all. Lucifer had told her that she was going through something very difficult and needed some special love. Trixie was happy to share some of hers with the forensic specialist.
“Little human,” Maze smirked as she looked between the young girl and her mother. “Want to see the new knife I got?”
Trixie gaped and cheered at her excitedly, ignoring her mother’s fear and doubt behind her. She ran after the demon into the bedroom where Maze’s weapon collection resided. Well, where some of it resided. It didn't all fit in one space.
Eve asked Chloe if she wanted to share a bottle of wine and talk about the case that she was working on. After Chloe realized how kind and selfless the brunette was, the two of them had become good friends. The blonde agreed and followed her away from Lucifer and Ella who were itching to talk to each other.
“I take it that the chat with your mum and dad didn’t go so well?” Lucifer asked as the two of them sat down on the couch that he used to own before he moved in with Chloe and gave the penthouse to his friends.
Ella shook her head and quickly felt tears rush to her eyes. “My mom thinks I’m going to go to Hell and my dad thinks that I need to go back to Detroit.” She felt her cross necklace around her neck before ripping it off. “How am I supposed to continue being religious if my religion tells me that I’m wrong?”
Lucifer sighed, hating this part of humanity. In Hell, he thought he had seen the worst of it. Living in LA, meeting the Detective and all of his friends, he thought he found the true goodness of humanity. This was like a slap in the face.
“If there is one thing I learned through my time in Hell,” Lucifer explained as he leaned back and stared at his hands. “It’s that hatred breeds hatred. Your parents are homophobic because that was how they were taught to be. Sometimes the chain of hatred breaks, like with you, Miss Lopez, but most of the time it only continues. As much as I’d like to blame the world’s faults on my dear old dad, it’s the hatred that allows people to use religion and my father as an excuse for their cruelty. Your faith, Miss Lopez, isn’t at fault here. It's evilness of human nature.”
He took the necklace and clasped it around his friend’s neck again, back at its proper place. He then pulled her into a hug that allowed her to cry on his shoulder.
“I understand the feeling of betrayal, Miss Lopez. Probably better than anyone else. There will always be people on this planet ready to tear people down. This world is made of insufferable twats and cretinous toe rags but it is so lucky to have humans as good and sincere as you. Your faith in my father and in humanity is what makes you special, Ella. Don’t throw that away because of your parents’ misunderstanding and lack of knowledge.”
She felt like she was home in the Devil’s arms. Warm and invited. She heard the laughs of her friends and women she was in love with and remembered all the people who accepted her for who she was. Loved her for who she was. She thought about Lucifer Morningstar, the fallen angel. A man seen by the world as an incarnate of evil who truly had more good in him than most men. She thought about Maze, a torturous demon with an even more tortured mind as she tried to learn what it was like to feel. She thought about Chloe and her ability to fight for her family no matter the cost. She thought about Eve and her constant high spirit and childlike wonder.
Faith was a tricky thing. It was hard to define and hard to keep when everything else seemed so dark. But Ella was strong enough to have it. And even when her faith in humanity and religion was hanging by a thread, she had faith in her chosen family, those who loved her no matter what. And that, she finally understood, that was what could keep her going.
Chapter 2: The Confrontation
Upon request from fandomoverload, I've added a second chapter of Lucifer confronting Ella's parents! Enjoy!
Lucifer had trouble letting things go sometimes (or all the time). As much as he tried to not let things bother him, when it came to his family, his instincts roared with the urge to defend and protect. Even if Ella was doing better, Lucifer couldn’t ignore that she deserved better. She deserved justice .
He spotted Francisco and Janet sitting and reading their books, looking emotionless and calm. He wondered how they could feel so little after hurting their child so fiercely. It made him boil with rage.
“Hello, traitorous parents,” Lucifer greeted as he approached them, startling them enough for Janet to brace herself by squeezing her husband’s shoulder. The Devil smirked with satisfaction.
“Lucas,” Francisco muttered a little breathlessly. “What are you doing here? How did you get past security?”
Lucifer glared at him and replied, “I paid for a ticket like a normal Devil. Come now, Mr. Lopez. We both know my name isn’t Lucas. Allow me to re-introduce myself. My name is Lucifer Morningstar. But I have many other names that you might know better. Prince of Darkness, Beelzebub, Satan, or Abaddon. They’re all me.”
Janet hid behind her husband as they both stood up and kept their eyes far from Lucifer’s, afraid to look him in the eye.
“What are you doing here? Did Ella send you?” Francisco asked him as he started to quake and walk backward, away from the Devil.
“Miss Lopez doesn’t know that I am here and never will know. She doesn’t need anyone to fight her battles for her. I am here for you and the destiny of your dreadful souls.”
Francisco made an almost squeak sound as Lucifer gradually closed the space in between them. Janet held onto him tightly, afraid for their lives and what would happen if Lucifer touched them.
“Are you-- are you sending us to Hell?” She asked him, her voice shaking.
Lucifer laughed and admitted, “Unfortunately, Mrs. Lopez, I don’t have a say with who spends their afterlife tortured. That’s all dependent on all you humans. Guilt is a powerful thing. And you must feel guilty about how you treated your daughter.”
“Ella’s the one going to Hell,” Janet argued angrily. “She’s the one that’s wrong. God will--”
“My father has no time for something as inconsequential as love, Mrs. Lopez,” Lucifer bellowed as his eyes darkened with fury. “He cares not about such frivolous things. And as I said, guilt is what enters you into Hell. I might not be the king any longer, but I know the current ruler has no sympathy for those who mistreated their own family. And there’s a special place in Hell for those who harm their loved ones.”
Francisco stared at him, terrified. “But the Bible says--”
“The Bible is wrong. And besides, the Bible says nothing about being homophobic and bigoted. Many people would even insist that would be against God’s intentions about humanity.”
Janet and her husband shared a tormented look before she asked him, “What can we do?”
Lucifer leaned his head to the side, trying to read whether they were more worried about going to Hell or not having a relationship with their daughter. He hoped it was the latter (but was almost positive it wasn’t).
“You can pray that your daughter has mercy and forgiveness for villains like you. Because I assure you, I wouldn’t. Out of all the humans I have met in the world, your daughter shines brighter than any of them. Heaven would be lucky to have a soul like hers. Think about that while you waste your time praying to someone who doesn’t listen.”
He turned around, satisfied enough by the horror in their faces. He hadn’t even shown them his Devil face and they were practically begging at his knees. They didn’t deserve forgiveness or redemption, but Ella deserved parents that could love her and accept her, even if she didn’t need it. It was something Lucifer wanted from his own father, deep down. As he walked out of the airport, he looked up at the sky and wondered if God was watching.