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“He’s so pretty I think I’m gonna faint.”

Reborn smirks at the words, pulling at his sideburns as he eavesdrops at the gaggle of women gawking towards his table.

He’s always been aware of his charm, but the ladies at this event are really losing their minds over him.

The little brunette that just stage whispered that last sentence to her friends has been practically salivating over him the entire night. She fans herself with the thin clutch in her hand. She bats her lovely dark eyes at him, smoldering look matching the heat that’s apparently possessed her.

“Definitely the only man worthwhile in this dump.” her friend, a blonde with lovely, voluminous curls, agrees. She twirls her hair in her finger, trying to seem demure.

The last woman in their group, tall, dark-skinned with gorgeous lips and beautiful eyes, sends a smile his way. She gives him a little wave, but he plays coy, pretending he didn’t see. She bites her lip, a small giggle escaping past them, and starts crossing the room towards him.

Reborn chuckles, picking up the glass of wine in front of him.

Don’t try it. he thinks, taking a sip from the glass.

Oh, the woman is beautiful for sure, but he knows she isn’t ready for someone like him. He’ll break her heart, he’s sure, and he doesn’t want to do that to such a lovely lady.

“Hello, I’m sure you’ve noticed my friends and I looking at you from across the room. We were wondering if you’d like to accompany us tonight.” she says, getting straight to the point.

Reborn flicks up his fedora, about to answer when he realizes she’s not looking at him at all. Her attention is focused on Verde, who has a clot of ricotta cheese on his tie.

“‘My friends and me’.” Verde says, and Reborn wants to strangle him.

“Pardon?”

“It would be ‘my friends and me’, not ‘my friends and I’.”

Instead of upending a glass on him, the woman giggles. “Handsome and smart. I’m sure we could learn a lot from you tonight if you’d accompany us.”

Verde looks at her and shrugs. “I’ve got nothing better to do.” he says, downing his drink before standing from the table. Linking arms with the woman, he turns to Reborn. “Don’t wait up.”

Reborn watches them walk away, questioning (for the first time) how attractive he is.

Chapter Text

“He’s so pretty I think I’m going to faint.”

The words come out hushed and reverent. Fon presses his hands against the glass looking into the enclosure. His soft gaze is fixed on small monkey sitting on a branch on the other side of the glass. It’s a small, white and brown monkey (a Panamanian White-faced Capuchin if the plaque near the glass is correct) that doesn’t seem like much, but Fon is looking at it like it can move the stars.

Mammon rolls their eyes. Of course taking Fon to the zoo would result in him falling in love with the first animal he sees.

“I’m not paying for your hospital bills if you do.”

Fon ignores their snarky comment, watching the monkey lethargically climb down from its tree to grab some food that the keeper just slid into the enclosure. The animal looked like it barely had the energy to pick up the food scattered on the ground. “He looks so sad.”

“It’s a monkey, Fon. It doesn’t have emotions.”

“We have to do something. This is such a shame.”

“I think I saw a suggestion box when we came in. Maybe you can suggest they give him fresher bananas.”

Fon snaps his gaze towards Mammon and they stumble backwards a couple steps. “We should get him out of here.”

“No, I don’t think that’s an accurate statement.”

“He’s wasting away here. Don’t you feel sorry for him?”

“No.”

“You really won’t help me? Not even for money?”

“...”


Skull sits in the Arcobaleno’s base, lounging on the couch as he flips through the channels.

Reruns.

Reruns.

Some news story about a monkey.

Reruns.

The sound of the door to the hideout slamming shut catches his attention. Craning his neck over the back of the couch, he’s able to bend just enough to see Mammon and Fon have come back from their day at the zoo with a souvenir in tow.

“Uh, what is that?” Skull asks, eyes glued to the monkey Fon’s cradling in his arms.

Fon can’t seem to follow his gaze correctly and lifts the fast food bag in his other hand. “I know it’s my turn to make dinner, but I remembered on the way back that I forgot to let the meat thaw. I hope burgers are good with you?”

Skull directs his attention to Mammon who just shrugs and slinks off towards the kitchen to get plates.

“...Yeah, burgers are good.” Skulls replies, turning his attention back on the TV.

He figures that, whatever the monkey’s deal is, he’ll still be a better roommate than Reborn or Colonello.

Chapter Text

“He’s so pretty I think I’m gonna faint.”

Colonello flinches when he hears those words, skidding to a stop just before reaching the ocean.

Please, God, don’t let that be about him.

He glances behind him as discreetly as possible to see two young women sitting on a large beach towel staring at his back.

Fuck! he winces inwardly as he walks out into the water, letting the ocean swallow him up to his shoulders. At least no one else heard.

He’s flipped over and dunked underwater before he can think that over.

“Oops! Sorry about that, pretty boy , I thought you would’ve noticed me swimming so close to you.” Reborn teases, propping his goggles on top of his forehead and adjusting his snorkel so it’s away from his face.

Colonello tries to scream obscenities at him, but he’s still underwater so he just ends up gargling.

“Jealous because you’re not the center of attention, Reborn?” Verde asks, floating past them on an inflatable raft. He ends up scrambling to stay a float when Reborn punctures his float and pushes him out to sea.

Reborn barely has time to laugh about it before he’s dragged under; Colonello pulling himself to the surface as he pushes Reborn under. “ Don’t call me ‘pretty’.”

“Boys, please play nice.” Luce calls, fanning herself under the beach umbrella they set up for her a few feet away.

“Reborn started it!” Colonello replies, distancing himself from the flurry of bubbles rising from the deep, signaling that Reborn would breech prepared for an all out war very soon.

“What’s so wrong with being a pretty boy?” Skull asks from where he’s crafting a pathetic little sandcastle. He smirks and winks to no one in particular. “ I love knowing I’m the best looking guy around.”

“Don’t make us gag, Skull.” Mammon deadpans. They’re sitting beside Luce watching the chaos unfold, eating a sandwich and flipping through an old book.

“I think it’s a lovely compliment.” Fon chirps from the double tube float he’s sharing with Lal. “I, personally, would be very flattered to hear someone thinks I’m pretty.”

“You can crush skulls with one hand, your masculinity can take the hit if someone calls you ‘pretty’.” Colonello says, now in a stalemate with Reborn, the two of them trying to shove each other into the water.

“Forgive me. I didn’t realize yours was so fragile.” Fon says, innocently with no ill will behind the words.

Lal chuckles at that and Colonello, now wanting more than anything to die, gives up and lets Reborn dunk him into the sea.