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look at all the lonely people

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The booming sound of the grandfather clock, located just down the hall, snapped Ben out of his silent reverie. Twelve o'clock.

Wiping his eyes, Ben pushed himself to his feet and out his room.

The sound of Vanya's violin echoed down the passageway. Fruitlessly playing as always, Ben figured. She was always striving for perfection, especially when it came to her music. While many of his siblings believed it to be a matter of ocd, Ben knew better, and so did Five, he thought to himself. Not that his odd numbered brother was here for her anymore. It was for this reason that Ben usually found comforting his otherwise forgotten sister was his responsibility. Yet today, he spared no glance at her doorway, instead walking the opposite direction to the thick mahogany door labeled 00.04. Klaus.

Strangely enough, Ben had always found himself drawn to the curly haired boy, despite their polarity in most everything. While he was quiet, Klaus filled the silence. When he was tired, Klaus had never felt more awake. When Ben was hurting, he thought opening the door, Klaus was-

Gone. The window to his room had been left open, the few papers on his desk pushed to the ground by an invisible wind. Klaus, meanwhile, had been pushed back into the atmosphere of the outside world. Sighing, Ben took it upon himself to sit on his brother's unmade bed, pushing the navy sheets aside.

Sometimes Ben despised his brother who found an out through drugs. Maybe this was because he was the only one who could truly understand what it was like to be haunted. The feeling of being trapped inside your own body. Having no control. The day Klaus had discovered drugs could silence the ghosts, he had truly abandoned Ben. Ben who was stuck with the monsters under his skin, with the self-hatred in his veins.

It was this train of thought that had led Ben to holding Klaus's forgotten pills, once left on the ground, now in his hand.

Ben looked away from the dull colored pills, instead looking out Klaus's door to view the signs along the wall on how to injure. How to kill. What him and his siblings had been taught all their life.

He wished in that moment that they could all dissapear, that they could all run away. From their problems, from the morals they'd been taught.

Luther being taught to obey.
Diego being taught to do better, to be better.
Allison being taught to control.

And Klaus, well he was already running, wasn't he. It wasn't just from the ghosts either, Ben supposed.

And well, Five had already run too, the selfish bastard had seen his chance at freedom and taken it. Not giving any of his siblings a second thought. Not even Vanya. I hope, Ben thought in the cruelest depths of his mind, he's realized his mistake the hard way.

That left Vanya, who could never leave. Ben knew that the brown haired girl's past would haunt her no matter how far she ran.

And for himself, Ben was ready to run. He just didn't know in which direction. If only he could've found an escape as easily as Klaus had.

Well, maybe he had, Ben thought, looking down at the pills in his hand.

Ben looked back up at Klaus's desk, to the few papers that still remained- was he meant to write something? No, he thought bitterly, if his siblings hadn't given two shits about Ben and anyone but themselves, why would they care about a sappy paper he'd leave behind. Instead, standing up and walking towards Klaus's mirror Ben looked at his reflection, seeing tired eyes and shaking hands in the image before his eyes.

Closing his eyes, Ben let out a deep breath.

He wished it hadn't come to this. He wished Klaus was there to help him. He laughed bitterly, he needed to help himself first.

No, Ben had spent too long as the damsel in destress, waiting for a savior to come in and free him. He was on his own. He was ready to run.

So, unthinking of his high as a kite séance brother, Ben tipped his head back, raised his open palm to his mouth and swallowed his anger.