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Please Don't You Be My Neighbor

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Family Guy in Association with Biker Mice From Mars Presents:

 

A Narwhal Puppy Production.

 

Please Don't You Be My Neighbor

 

Lois was out taking a walk by herself. As she was coming home, she sees a moving van in front of the house where Rob Gronkowski used to reside when he terrorized the whole neighborhood with his excessive partying. "Oh boy! This is too good to be true! Peter!" Lois runs back home to tell Peter the good news. Peter, Brian and Stewie were all sitting on the couch as Lois barges in. "You guys! You guys! Good news!" Lois spouts. "What is the good news you bring forth?" asked Peter. "New neighbors!" Lois nearly screams. "Holy freaking sweet! Where did they move to?" asks Peter. "That old house where Rob Gronkowski used to live." answers Lois. "Hope it's not a rowdy asshole football player this time." reflects Stewie as he recalls that whole debacle. Brian assures him, "Don't worry, Stewie. We made sure he'll never come back! Those bees we tried to sell did that job for us!"

"Come on! What are we waiting for? Don't just sit there! Let's introduce ourselves!" said Lois.

"You're right, we should Lois. Maybe I can even find a new drinking buddy to join me, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire." said Peter. Lois leads Brian, Peter, and Stewie to the house and they see two people move in. Two men. One of whom was fat and had a large face, purple suit, black hair. The other had red hair, an oddly shaped head, green goggles, and a white scientist uniform with platform boots. Their names were Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle. Brian is immediately suspicious. "Don't trust them, you guys." "Why not?" asked Peter. "I don't see anything wrong with them." said Lois. "Oh come on, they look like something out of a 1940s horror movie. Maybe they moved in to do evil things." said Brian. "You always been a critical judge of character, aren't you Brian?" asked Stewie. "Who cares what they look like. It's like the Flintstones during that season when Gruesomes moved in!" said Peter. "Let's do what we came here to do! We'll all go over and say hi!" said Lois.

"I am so electrified for this! Like when I starred in a Skip It commercial." said Peter.

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Peter is at a school playground using the 1990s toy known as Skip-It! Peter was giggling, "hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!" A bunch of confused looking children surrounding him. Peter sings a part of the jingle, "Hey now kids come gather around! See what just skipped into town!"

"Come on!" whined the kids.

"When are you going to give us a turn at that?"

"No!"

"You've been at that for 2 hours!"

"Give us a chance you big fat meanie!"

Growing flustered, Peter takes the Skip It off his ankle and slaps all the kid's faces with it.

"You want it! You got it! Freaks!" Peter yells at the kids who were crying after being hit in the face with the Skip It.

"The very best thing of all! You can kick ass with this ball! So Skip It! Skip It!" Peter sings as he leaves the school yard.

 

Peter, Lois, Brian, and Stewie all go into the front yard. They see a bunch of scientific stuff being moved into the house by moving men. "Nope. Not putting any credence in this. Stewie, you're good at background checks, so when we get back home we must get some info on these sons of bitches."

"I'll do that, Brian." said Stewie.

As they were about to enter the front porch of the house, they see Chris and Meg were already there.

"Dammit! Somebody beat us to it!" Peter says. "We'll try later, let's go home now." said Lois.

Chris rings the doorbell. Meg has a cake in her hands. Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle answer the door. "Hello." "What do you want?" they both responded.

"Welcome to our humble neighborhood dudes!" Chris said.

Meg showing them the cake, "We're glad to have you here so we baked you a cake!"

Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Carbuncle took the cake and threw it in Chris's face and they grabbed Meg who screamed then threw her inside.

"At least I tried." Chris cries. "Feel the same way Dad did when Mr. McFeely gave him a mysterious package.

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Peter was at Mr. Roger's house and hears a knock on the door. "Hey, kids! Let's go see who that can be?" Peter walks over to the door and it's Mr. McFeely. "It's Mr. McFeely! Peter lets Mr. McFeely in.

"Speedy Delivery! Speedy Delivery!"

"Good morning, Mr. McFeely! What do you have for me today!"

"A package!" Mr. MeFeely hands Peter a package. "Look kids! Package! Can you say Package! Pack-Age!"

Mr. McFeely makes his departure, "Love to hang around but I gotta go! Speedy Delivery! Speedy Delivery!"

"Thanks, McFeely! See you soon!" Peter tries to open the package, "Want to help me open this, kids?" Peter opens the package and he sees a dog turd inside. "Oh look! Someone sent us dog shit! Hey kids! Let's say Dog Shit! DOG! SHI....." pauses for a short while. "Oh hell, I think I might've been pranked."

 

At the house where Gronkowski used to live. Dr. Karbuncle was setting up equipment while engaging in conversation with his boss, Lawrence Limburger.

"What exactly do we have to gain from moving, here?" Dr. Karbuncle asks.

"To be in a place where those Biker Mice will never find us!" answers Lawrence Limburger.

"Ingenious plan! We can do all sorts of evil here in Quahog! And get away with it! Much better than Chicago!" Dr. Karbuncle says.

Lawrence Limburger begins, "Exactly the point, Karbuncle. But we won't invade and make our move just yet."

Dr. Karbuncle says, "So, when will we?"

Explaining his plans, "We must have everyone think we are good neighbors so we will pretend to blend in." Lawrence Limburger explains.

"Oh I see what you're doing here! We'll pretend to be nice neighbors......" Dr. Karbuncle says.

"Yes, pretend. Then we will gather all of the secrets of the neighbors here in Quahog and destroy people and the whole town altogether! Glad you understand my plan!" '

"Of course! Those Biker Mice will never stop us now! Ahhhh. Good to have a chance of scenery!" Dr. Karbuncle said.

 

*

 

Running up to Stewie's nursery, Brian sees him on his computer.

"What did you find out about those neighbors, Stewie?"

"Found out plenty, Brian!"

Growing anxious, Brian tells Stewie, "Out with it! Let's hear it! Are they really evil like we suspect them to be?"

Stewie explains to his canine companion, "Apparently their names are Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Benjamin way too many first names Karbuncle."

"Yes but did you find out if they're capable of anything criminal things?" asked Brian eagerly.

Stewie reads, "According to my research, they are both from the planet Plutark. Lawrence Limburger is a corrupt industrialist. Dr. Karbuncle is just your typical mad scientist!"

"I knew it!" Brian said.

"That's not all, for years and years they have been at war with a biker team who call themselves Biker Mice from Mars. They set up their evil base in Chicago. Which is where they did a lot of these battles. Biker Mice From Mars is a 90's cartoon, by the way."

"Does it say nothing about this Planet Plutark?" asked Brian.

"I did look into that. Apparently their kind concentrates on conquering other planets and mind stripping any planet for natural resources. They are really fish like creatures who disguise themselves as humans." Stewie said.

"Oh my gosh! We cannot let these neighbors live here in our town! Who knows what they can do!" Brian said alarmed. Stewie prints up a piece of paper containing information about Dr. Karbuncle and Lawrence Limburger.

"We gotta warn Lois and the Fatman not to get too chummy with these neighbors!" said Stewie. "We'll have them read this!" Brian was handed the printed sheet of paper.

"You're right. Come on!" Brian said as him and Stewie were running to the living room to warn Peter and Lois about Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle.

Peter and Lois were watching television, "We Now Return To Megyn Kelly's Tonight Show!" Brian runs in and turns off the TV then he stops by skidding.

"Thanks for that, Brian! I didn't want to watch that shit!" Peter said. "You look like you have something to say, do you?" asked Lois. Stewie begs Brian, "Come on, Brian! Let me talk to them about it!" "They'll believe it if I do the talking. I don't think they understand you yet." said Brian. "WHAT! Our show has been on for 20 years and none of us have aged. And aside from you, they STILL don't understand me!" Stewie shouts. "Uh, hey Peter and Lois. I know you lecture me about doing sticking my nose in other people's business, but this time around. Try to understand. I could not help myself." Brian tells Peter handed him the piece of printed paper.

Lois and Peter read the whole thing and they gulped at the daunting research. "Oh no! This is terrible! We live next to super villains!" Lois cries.

"The ones from Biker Mice from Mars no less!" said Peter who then sneers at Lois, "You told me Biker Mice were a fairy tale!"

"Now Peter....." Lois said then Brian breaks into what he thought her and Peter were going to fight about.

"Enough! Both of you! This is no time for us to be arguing over nonsense!" Brian said.

"You're right buddy. We need to run these sons of bitches out of our 'hood once and for all!" Peter yelled.

"That's it Peter! You got it!" said Brian. "Got what?" asked Peter staring in a blank look. "You just said it!" said Brian. "Said what!" said Peter. Getting frustrated Brian says, "You just came up with a good idea and as usual you never realize it!" "What did I come up with!" asked Peter. Brian growls, "We run these assholes out of town, that's what!"

"Oh, right! Running our new neighbors out of town! Now THIS is something I want to be a part of!" Peter stood proud.

"Count me in too!" Lois agreeing.

Brian says, "Wrist in the middle everyone."

Peter, Lois, Brian, and Stewie all put their wrists in the middle. Peter tells them, "We all will stand together and unite! To get Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle out of Quahog!"

Lois joins, "We will not have any destructive villains destroying our lovely town!"

"..........And BREAK!" Peter, Lois, Brian, and Stewie all waved their hands in the air. "Awww, how cute Stewie joined in too!" Lois cooed.

Brian and Stewie start talking.

"Running these guys to another zip code is going to be fun!"

"It will be Brian! Way more fun than our Weekend with Bernie!"

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Brian and Stewie were on a speedboat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean Bernie was dead flipping about on waterskiis.

"Oh look, Brian! Bernie sure knows how to have a great time, eh!"

" Right, Stewie! He may be dead but he's still life of the party!"

Brian and Stewie toast each other with champagne.

"TO BERNIE!"

 

*

 

The following morning, Brian, Peter, Lois, and Stewie were in the kitchen. Brian was dressed as George S. Patton while standing in front of an American Flag. "Attention! I called you all here today to conceive a plot to rid Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle out of our neighborhood!" Stewie says, "Brian sure looks packed in that uniform!" "One of us has to go in there and annoy them!" said Lois. "That's good, Lois. All in fairness I think it should be Peter!" Brian said. Peter was more than happy to go over and and be bothersome to the loathsome neighbors. "Aww, sweet! I get to be like Dennis the Menace! Jay North would be so happy for me!" Peter said. "Jay North is now a prison guard in Florida. Who was branded as a typecast during his acting heyday. No he would not be." said Stewie. Brian points a swagger stick at Peter, "Peter Griffin, I order you to go over to the old Gronkowski place and ruffle their feathers a little!"

"Everyone knows I am awesome at annoying the shit out of people! As Joe always says, Let's DO IT!!" Peter says. Getting his guitar, Peter goes over to the old Gronkowski place. "Best of luck to you, Peter." Lois called out. "We'll be here for backup!" Brian said. Peter knocks at the door and Lawrence Limburger answers. "Can I help you?" he asked. "Hi, I'm your new neighbor! Peter Griffin is the name." "Why don't you come in? We'll have breakfast." Lawrence Limburger tells him. "Cool!" Peter said. Inviting Peter into his house, Lawrence Limburger shows him to the table where eggs and bacon were being served. "Please do sit down, mister." Peter sits at the table and begins eating. "Bacony Eggs! No Orange Juice, that was a commercial for Florida Quality Orange Juice." laughs Peter. Lawrence Limburger says, "You seem like you're one of those funny types." "Indeed I am!" Peter said. Peter sees Lawrence Limburger take off his mask to eat and underneath there was a fish face. "Aww, no way! You're really a fish in disguise?" asked Peter. "Uh, yes. You guessed correctly. I'm originally from the Planet Plutrak. All my species are fish like creatures." Lawrence Limburger informs Peter.

"So I'm told. Never even knew there was a planet called Plutark. But hey, you learn something new everyday!" Peter said. "How long have you lived here in Quahog?" asked Lawrence Limburger. "All my life." said Peter. "Oh a hometown man. I used to live in Chicago." "Chi-Town, eh!" Peter said. "Spike Lee made a movie called Chi-Raq! Ever seen it?" As they continued to eat their breakfast Peter tells Lawrence, "Hey, Mr. Limburger, has anyone ever told you that you look like Earl Sinclair that father from the show Dinosaurs? You know that green son of a bitch?." Lawrence says, "I never watch television or have I knowledge of that movie. Got better things to do. Although it was a little insulting what you just said." Wringing his hands Peter said, "Good." Dr. Karbuncle joins the table. "Time for breakfast?" Then he sees Peter, "Who's this loser?" Lawrence says, "This is our new neighbor who invited himself for dinner, Peter Griffin." Taking a look at Dr. Karbuncle Peter asks, "What's that!"

"What's what!" asked both Dr. Karbuncle and Lawrence. Peter points to Karbuncle, "THAT! No, don't tell me! He's your teenage son, right?" Lawrence and Karbuncle ignore Peter for a while, Peter continues, "How do you keep him in line? Beat you beat him with a belt or a stick, hey!" Peter tries to talk to them some more, "What's his name? Slappy? Bruisey? Keep it Down in There-y!" Dr. Karbuncle yells in Peter's face, "I am not his teenage son! I am Dr. Karbuncle! I'm his....." Lawrence finishes his sentence, "Associate! That's right!" Then Lawrence turns to Peter, "I've never meet anyone more ruder that then you are!" Peter begins to tune his guitar, "Maybe if I play you a song you'll change your mind."

Peter tunes his guitar that plays sour notes. Lawrence and Karbuncle look at him with fury. "Okay, can it now, alright?" asks Dr. Karbuncle. Peter keeps resuming to tune his guitar. Karbuncle decides he's had enough, "I SAID QUIET!" Peter responds, "I don't know that one, but this one is called Put a Sock In It!"

"It's time for you to leave, Mr. Griffin." Lawrence said. "Wait, I'm not done. I want to play you a song, then I'll go!" Karbuncle crosses his arms, "FINE!" Peter begins to play Rock Lobster.

"We Were At The Beach! Everybody Had Matching Towels! Somebody Went Under a Dock! And There They Saw A Rock! It Wasn't a Rock! It Was A Rock Lobster! Rock Lobster! Rock Lobster! ROCK LOBSTER!"

"STOP!!!!!" screamed Lawrence and Karbuncle. Lois comes to their window and gives Peter a record player, "We're watching you from our IPHONEs, what you are doing is hilarious! Here, play them this!" "Thanks Lois, you're the best!"

"Leave now, Griffin!" Karbuncle points the door. Plugging in the record player. "Have you guys heard?" Peter asks. "Heard what!" Lawrence said as him and Karbuncle were both getting frustrated with Peter's audaciousness. "Have you guys heard the word?" "What word!"

"Everybody knows the word!" Peter said. "What are you going with that!" Karbuncle yelled. "Do you guys don't know the word! Never heard the word?" "What is this word you're referring to!" Lawrence yelled.

Peter plays the record and begins to dance, the song that played was Surfin Bird! "Well, A Bird Bird Bird! Bird Is A Word! Well, A Bird Bird Bird! Bird Is A Word!" Within seconds Peter was kicked out of their house. The guitar and record player was thrown at Peter's head. "That was excellent Peter!" Brian said. Lois tells, "Little by little everyday we'll drive them apeshit crazy!" "To a point where they'll want to leave!" Stewie said.

"Although I got hit on the head, I haven't had this much fun since I sang the theme song to the Addams Family." said Peter.

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Peter was in a recording booth singing into a microphone. "They're Creepy And Their Kooky! Mysterious And Spooky! They're All Together Ooky! The Addams Family! When Uncle Fester Farted It Got Them All Retarded........" A director at the other end yells, "CUT!" "What's the problem?" asked Peter. "You're supposed to say, 'Their House Is A Museum When People Come To See 'Em'!" "I didn't like those lyrics so I thought I'd put my own little twist on it!" Peter yelled back at the director. "That's not how we do thing here! Again from the top!" Peter sings again, "When Uncle Fester Farted," "SHIT!" The director yells who then throws Peter out of the recording studio. Peter looks at the camera, "Even in these cutaways I always get kicked out!"

 

*

 

Brian and Stewie were spying on Lawrence Limburger who was out on his lawn watering the grass and raking leaves. "We need to get the Fatman out there to piss off this Fatman! You with me, Brian!" Stewie asks. "Absolutely Stewie." Brian affirms. Stewie and Brian come into the kitchen where Peter and Lois were. "Hey, Brian, what are the Limburger/Karbuncle residence up to today?" Lois asked. "Yard work looks like, he was outside watering his lawn." said Brian. "So, Peter, would you like to mess up any lawns, today?" Lois asks. "Always up for that! Just need some things to do it!" Peter said. Stewie hands Brian a bottle. "What is this Stewie?" "It's feces. It's yours that I've been collecting, forgot to mention that I liquified your shit!" Stewie reveals. "WHAT!" Brian shouts in shock. "Hey, it's for a good cause isn't it?" Stewie implies. "All right, fine. Here you go Peter just pour this on his lawn and tell him it's fertilizer!" Brian tells Peter. "hee hee hee hee! And I'm off!" Peter says taking the bottle of Brian's feces and headed over to what is now the Limburger/Karbuncle house.

Peter comes onto Lawrence Limburger's lawn. "Hey, Mr. Limburger! Lovely day for working on the yard, huh!" Peter says. "Oh you're that rude fellow from yesterday. Karbuncle and I talked about you that maybe you shouldn't come over anymore." Lawrence says to Peter. Opening up the bottle of Brian's feces that were all liquidified now. "I still think we should be friends. So as Robert De Niro said in This Boys Life. I Know A Thing Or Two About A Thing Or Two!" Lawrence tries to give Peter a warning, "You better leave because if you don't......" Lawrence sees Peter pour the bottle of feces all over his lawn, "What the hell are you doing! What IS THAT!" "It's fertilizer! Good for the lawn! Having been an experienced at yard work, thought you can use some on your lawn! To give it that new lawn glow!" Lawrence screams, "BBBBWWWAAAAHHHHH! That is NOT fertilizer!" Lawrence gets a rake and chases Peter off his lawn in circles about 10 times around. "GET OUT! GET OUT! AND DON'T COME BACK! YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED! FOR LIFE! STAY OUT FOR GOOD!" Peter laughs as he ran home. Lawrence Limburger tries to wash away the liquid feces but could not get it off his lawn.

"Awww! This is going to take forever! Trying to blend in and make people think I'm a good neighbor!" Dr. Karbuncle comes outside. He was in a bathrobe and just wearing boxer shorts. "Gosh! This stuff smells worse than my breath and that exhaust gas from those Biker Mice's motorcycles!" "Come on inside! You've been at this all day. Don't you think you need to take a break now?" asked Dr. Karbuncle. "I can't! That stupid Griffin fellow did this to our lawn! So I'll be out here a while!" Lawrence says. Lois, Peter, Brian, and Stewie were all watching and laughing at Lawrence Limburger. Dr. Karbuncle tries again to coax Lawrence back in the house, "Just checked on that girl we kidnapped two days ago." Referring to Meg, Lawrence turns around and sees Dr. Karbuncle almost nude!

"AAAAAHHHH! Put your uniform on! Don't come out here like that again! What did I tell you about full frontal nudity!" Lawrence yelled at Karbuncle. "I was going to attend to do that." Dr. Karbuncle says. Quagmire sees them outside and is watching them through a drone he bought. Quagmire mistakes Karbuncle for a woman. "Heh heh! All right! Full frontal here I come.....That is a woman's voice. Know those from anywhere...." When he sees Karbuncle is really a man, Quagmire yells, "NO! NO! NOT ALL RIGHT! SON OF A BITCH! I WAS STARING AT A MAN!!!!"

 

*

 

Tomorrow came and Peter and Lois were peeved that Lawrence and Karbuncle still haven't left. "Why can't they leave! They should've by now! I made their whole lawn smell like shit!" Peter said. "Don't worry! We're the Griffins we will not rest until these scumbags are finally out of our friendly neighborhood!" Lois speaks in words of encouragement. "You're right! We Griffins never give up!" Peter stood tall with his fist in the air. Brian and Stewie came to inform Peter and Lois what Lawrence Limburger's latest occurrence. "That's right Peter! We're one determined family! We are just like a pillar of the community social worker who tries to get through to a sociopathic street kid!" Brian said.

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Showing the inside of an office a social worker at his seat has a street kid in sitting on a chair. The social worker was crying at the street kid's various crimes.

"Don't you even care about how much hurt you've inflicted on these poor people?" sobs the social worker.

The street kid snidely responds, "Why should I! They had it coming!"

"What have these poor people ever done to you! They were good!" The social worker cries once more.

"Dunno! Just love hurting people I guess!" The street kid says, "Doesn't matter to me who they are!"

The social worker falls to the floor and he sobs non-stop.

 

Lois asked Brian, "What's the inside scoop today?" "Lawrence Limburger is having a barbecue. Him and Karbuncle are trying to light up the grill!" said Brian. "I was the one who told you that! Why didn't you let me tell Lois and Peter like I wanted to?" Stewie said. "For the last time, Stewie! They don't understand you!" said Brian. "Want to mess up their grill, Peter!" asks Lois. "If someone gives me some nitro-glycerine!" said Peter. Stewie hands Peter some nitro-glycerine in a small gas tank. "You handed Peter something last time! Now today is my turn." said Stewie to Brian. "Whatever, Stewie."

Peter heads over to the Limburger/Karbuncle residence. This time, Peter wanted to surprise them so he enters through their back door instead. Running by without being noticed, he sees Meg bound and gagged in another room. "YES! JACKPOT! IT FINALLY HAPPENED! All those years I've have said 'Shut Up Meg' have been worth it!" Peter sees the front door and sneaks out into the front lawn.

"Too bad this isn't those Biker Mice we're going to put on the grill, hey Karbuncle!" laughs Lawrence.

"You've always had a way with jokes!" said Karbuncle.

"We've tried everything to light this grill and nothing works!" said Lawrence.

"When we figure this out. We ought to try to invite the whole neighborhood to show everyone what cool people we are!" said Karbuncle.

"HHHHHHHIIIIIIIII!" Peter said startling both Karbuncle and Lawrence.

"YOU AGAIN! After for what you did to my lawn! Which still stinks by the way...." before Lawrence can finish insulting Peter he gets out the small tank of nitro-glycerine. "Your troubles are over! Gentlemen! I got just the thing to light up your grill!"

"What is it!" asked Karbuncle.

Peter pours the nitro-glycerine into the grill and lights it up and the grill explodes and spits out fire that lands on Lawrence's and Karbuncles heads and butts. Both were running around on fire.

"SOMEONE PUT THIS OUT!!!! HELP!"

"HOTHEADS!" Peter shouts to them both. "HOTASSESS! hee hee hee hee hee hee! I just made up a new swear word!" Peter said standing back enjoying what he did.

"That ought to get them out of town!" Lois laughs.

"YES! YES! YES! By golly the Fatman has done it! Could it be he is actually capable of things without messing up?" asked Stewie.

"If that doesn't, I don't know what will!" Brian joining Lois on the laughs.

When the whole grill on fire thing had come to a close. Lawrence and Karbuncle were beginning to think there was something up about the Griffins.

"Too bad we didn't bring Greasepit with us!" Karbuncle said.

"That's all right. We really didn't need him anyway." said Lawrence.

"You know, I'm beginning to believe that those Griffin folks know something about us!" said Karbuncle.

"Indeed that is probably why that fat buffoon keeps trying to these childish things on us!" said Lawrence who then continued the conversation, "All we wanted was to move to a place where we can do our evil without anyone knowing."

"Important thing is the Biker Mice can do nothing about it."

"Perhaps there is a way we can retaliate!"

"What're thinking!"

"Let's steal something of theirs. Thought I saw a machine in what looks like a baby's room."

"We will get this machine and find out exactly what it does."

"See what makes it tick! We will use the contents of this machine to use against that horrid dreadful Griffin family!"

"Love it! We'll sneak in at night while they are sleeping!"

Lawrence and Karbuncle went with their plan. To steal Stewie's Time Machine.

 

*

 

Morning sun has risen. Peter now has Quagmire's drone and flies it over to the Limburger/Karbuncle residence. Peter feels provoked when he sees Lawrence and Karbuncle still haven't left. "C'mon leave! Bitches!" Peter growled. "They're still here? Of all the doltish waggery we've done to these asses?" Lois asks, "What is it going to....." Peter goes to the phone, "There's only three things that can help us now!" "You calling Joe and showing him that background check Brian printed up?" "Nope. He is useless in this." said Peter who picked up the phone and dialed some numbers. "Hello, Chicago! Can you give me the numbers of Trottle, Modo, and Vinnie? Also Known As The Biker Mice From Mars."

Stewie gets up from his crib. "Great sleep I had with my MyPillow last night! Thank you Mike Lindell!" Out of nowhere Mike Lindell appears in Stewie's mirror and asks, "You used my pillow, didn't you Stewie!" "Best sleep of my life! I loved it!" "You're looking good!" Mike Lindell tells the baby. "Thanks!" Stewie answers. "I knew you would!" Mike Lindell says as he fades into the mirror. Stewie walks around his bedroom and screams that his time machine was gone. "BLAST! WHO THE HELL DID THIS!" Brian runs in, "What happened Stewie!" "My time machine is gone! Someone took it! You, did it, so you can have your bar sex again!" Stewie blasted at Brian. "Not since that disaster about time going backwards? I've learned my lesson! Trust me! Haven't done that ever again!" Brian convinces Stewie. "Oh what if whoever has my time machine is going back in time as we speak? What are we ever going to do?" cried Stewie.

"How about we try to solve the conundrum quandry that is finding your time machine?" suggested Brian. "Good idea!" said Stewie. Brian sniffs around and he locked on a scent. "Do you sniff out anything?" asks Stewie. "Yes I have. I think Dr. Karbuncle and Lawrence Limburger were in here! I can smell it!" Brian said. "Oh no! If my time machine gets into their hands......" worried Stewie. "Never fear Stewie, we will get it back from them!" Brian said. "Maybe those shit faces wanted revenge on us for trying to run them out of town!" Stewie noted. "Exactly, we will sneak into their house and get your Time Machine back!" said Brian.

Running over to the Limburger/Karbuncle residence, Stewie arrives at their house and Brian ran up to catch up to him. "Geez Stewie! Could've at least waited for me! You run faster than Jesse Owens!" Stewie looks inside all the windows, "You got that from Blazzing Saddles didn't you! No time for your bullshit! Try to look for it and let me know when you do!" Stewie ordered Brian. Inside Lawrence Limburger tells Dr. Karbuncle, "I'm going to the market for a while. You're in charge while I'm gone! And do some research on that machine we stole." "Ha! I knew it!" Stewie said as he heard the villain's conversation. "I found it! In the dining room." Brian said. "They were the ones who stole it!" said Stewie. "I thought it would be them. So I'm going in and you stay here!" said Brian. "I gotta say one thing, Dr. Karbuncle sure knows how to rock those heels, eh Brian!" jokes Stewie. "Really funny! Always gotta squeeze in a gay joke every now and then. Anyway, stay here!" said Brian.

"What? I have to stay behind? But why?" asked Stewie.

"If Dr. Karbuncle sees you who knows what he'll do to you." said Brian.

"We should be in on this together. It IS MY time machine after all." said Stewie who didn't like the idea of Brian leaving him behind.

"Just trying to protect you. I'd never forgive myself if something happened to you." said Brian. "And neither would Peter or Lois."

"But, Brian! We're a team. We do everything together. Like when we were on Interview With The Vampire." Stewie said.

 

Cutaway Scene:

 

Brian was dressed in a suit as he was interviewing Tom Cruise who was wearing a 1791 Vampire outfit.

"So you're a vampire?" asked Brian.

"We are predators who's all seeing eyes......" Tom Cruise went on but he was cut off by Stewie who was dressed as Claudia. Stewie bites Tom Cruise in the neck and sucks all his blood.

"Stewie! I mean, Claudia!" Brian yelped.

"I want some more!" Stewie hissed.

 

Brian sneaks into the house and sees Dr. Karbuncle studying Stewie's time machine, Brian sticks his claws into the ceiling.

"What is this machine for I wonder?"

"Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"

"I cannot concentrate with all that barking. Shut up out there!" Dr. Karbuncle yelled.

Brian comes down from the ceiling then sneak attacks him.

"WWWHHHAAA!" Dr. Karbuncle screamed astoundedly.

"DIE TIME MACHINE STEALER!" Brian yelled. Then he beat up Dr. Karbuncle with a chair handle until he knocked him out.

"I did it! You come in now, Stewie." called Brian.

Stewie walks into the house. "Yes! I got my time machine back. Thought wished it could've been me who....."

"Look, it doesn't matter who got it back. What matters is that you have it back." said Brian.

"Yeah, you're correct." said Stewie. "Now Stewie, lets surprise old Limburger and show him what I did to his 'friend'".

"Suggest anything?"

"Yes, go to a Five Below Store and find some clothes."

"Clothes? What kind do you want?"

"I don't know. Something a millienial would wear." said Brian.

"That I am good at! Be back in a flash!' Stewie says running out the door.

Coming back with some clothes from Five Below, Stewie hands them to Brian who takes off Karbuncle's uniform and puts him in the clothes Stewie got.

 

*

 

Brian hears Lawrence Limburger come back. "Oh no! He's here. Hide Stewie!"

"What am I? ALF all of a sudden!" Stewie says running someplace to hide. Brian goes to sit on a chair as Limburger walks in.

"What did you find out about the machine, Karbuncle? Uh, Karbuncle?"

"No! There is no Karbuncle!" said Brian in a echo voice.

"The hell is this!" asked Lawrence very demanding.

Brian spins around in a chair and uses the handle to threaten Limburger.

"I'm not afraid of no mutt!"

"You should be afraid Mr Limburger. As the old saying goes, be very afraid."

"What is this all about? What do you want!"

"A proposition, Limburger, why the hell does your last name sound like a cheese that smells like ass?."

"Hey, that's very unacceptable!" Brian gives him a death glare.

Limburger was beginning to get scared, "I give in, I'll do whatever."

"I am the keeper of that machine. Give me back the machine and when you do, you must leave town for good! Thus NEVER think about coming here to Quahog again!"

"Okay. I'll get my stuff and gather my friend Karbuncle."

"Oh about Karbuncle, he's in the other room, want to see him?"

Brian leads Limburger into the room where Karbuncle was knocked cold. Seeing Karbuncle in Five Below clothes made him scream, "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Peter and Lois arrive at the Limburger/Karbuncle residence. "We heard a disturbance and tracked it here on Quagmire's drone!" said Peter. "We knew it had to come from here. Is everything okay?" asked Lois.

"Everything's cool. Think I convinced old Limburger to leave this place for good." said Brian.

"We're proud of you Brian! You saved our town!" said Lois as she hugged Brian.

"Can I come out now?" asked Stewie coming out of hiding. Lois carries Stewie, "Oh my baby! Sorry we dragged you into this!" "You think you know everything about me, bitch! Guess what! You don't!" Stewie said to Lois who didn't even know what was said to her.

"Another neighbor bites the dust! Someday maybe the Street Sharks can move into this house next!" said Peter.

Lawrence Limburger carried a beaten Karbuncle and stuffed him into a suitcase. "I'm leaving! I'm leaving!" He stopped as soon as he saw Peter Griffin.

"Then again, maybe I won't leave! Not until I finish off this fat sack!" Lawrence said approaching Peter with a knife. Peter wasn't in the least bit scared.

"You don't want to do that!" Peter pointed out.

"Really? Why not? You and your family made our time in Quahog a living hell!"

"With good reason! You're villains and evil doers for God's sake!" Lois tells him.

 

"You all know too much about us. For that......you all must die!" Lawrence cackles evilly coming at the Griffins with a knife. "Yes we knew who you were really this whole time! I even did a background check on you the day you moved here!" said Brian. "Actually that was me!" said Stewie. Peter looks at his watch. "Why are you looking at your watch for, dumbass?" Brian said.

"They should be here by now."

"Who?"

"Oh shit! Shit shit shit! Please don't tell me we're going to die! There's so many thing I wanted to do. I never got be Man of The Year in Time Magazine!

A clip shows Stewie on the TIME cover it read, "MAN OF THE YEAR. HE MADE THE WORLD GREAT AGAIN!"

Motorcycles were heard from far away. "Oh no! I know that sound." Limburger said looking worried.

"That's right! They're coming! We told them everything!" Peter said as he pushed Limburger out the door. Peter yells at the bikers, "Hi, Throttle, Modo, and Vinnie! He's right here, guys! He's right here!"

The Bikers turned out to be Throttle, Modo, and Vinnie. "One of them is named Vinnie. Didn't we used to know a Vinnie once?" asks Stewie.

"So you're invading innocent small town suburbia?" "We're here to run you out!" "Full speed ahead!"

Throttle, Modo, and Vinnie chase Lawrence Limburger down the street. Dr. Karbuncle and Lawrence Limburger, subsequent to being chased away by the Biker Mice, they all went back to Chicago and never returned to Quahog again.

"We did it! We actually did it!" Lois cheers!

"Ran those villains out of town!" Peter jumps into the air.

Brian and Stewie do a dance as Peter and Lois jumped up, hugged and kissed.

"It's over. It's finally over." said Brian.

"Please don't let anymore people move into that house for a while." said Lois.

"We're the Griffins the greatest most awesomest family ever!" said Peter.

"And I'm the awesomest member!" said Stewie. "I did everything and had to be quiet or hidden away while Peter, Lois, and Brian did all the dirty work! uhh! Pathetic!"

"You're right Lois. That house has been nothing but trouble." agrees Peter.

"Whoever moves in next, let's hope it's a decent family we can be friends with." said Brian.

"Who wants Arbys! On me!" asked Peter.

Lois, Peter, Brian, and Stewie all go home and into their car and drive to Arbys to celebrate making their neighborhood safe from the likes of villains such as Lawrence Limburger and Dr. Karbuncle.

"See Lois? I told you the Biker Mice were real! And you didn't want to believe it! See?
See? See? Shall I get the 'Peters Right' Banner again?" Peter tells Lois.

"Yes, Peter. I know! Can't we just have a nice eating out day?" asked Lois as they all drove to Arbys.

"Don't you just love 1990s cartoons?" asked Peter.

"I don't think so." said Brian.

"Don't like any cartoons. Never did. I prefer the works of Guillermo del Toro." said Stewie.

 

Epilogue:

2 months later.

Herbert walks down the street with his walker and he sees yet another new neighbor move in. Herbert has a pie and is ready to introduce himself. He rings the bell.

"Yes?" answered a voice. The voice was Mighty Max.

"Heard you moved into the neighborhood. Want this home baked pie? Made it myself!"

Mighty Max takes the pie. "Thanks old man."

"My name is Herbert I'm a friend of all the kids. Who are you?"

"I'm Mighty Max!"

Herbert looks at the screen and smiles and gives a thumbs up.

 

The End

 

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production