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our lips are moving (and maybe i'm in love with you)

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there’s a tense silence that fills jisung’s room, one that seems to stretch from malaysia all the way to korea (and even to the small stretch of land in australia where chan and felix reside). 

it was wednesday night (if 1:30 in the morning could be considered night time), and much to jisung’s amusement he and his three friends were having one of their weekly wednesday night hangouts on skype, felix and chan sitting in the same room to take up less screen space in the long run. they were laughing and carrying on like they usually do, spitting jokes and slandering each other when jisung skillfully placed a cough in between chan’s wheezing and changbin’s next pickup line towards felix. it sent the room into a bout of awkward silence and he scratched at the nape of his neck, avoiding eye contact with all three of his friends.

‘so, um, guys. pride is on saturday-’

‘abso-fucking-lutely not. no, nope, not in a million years jisung.’ 

he sighed at chan’s antics. being the oldest and seemingly most responsible of the group, he knew chan would react like this. it had happened last year and the year before last as well, but the difference this time is that all four boys are adults, legal age of consent, allowed to make decisions of their own free will. and of all the things jisung knows he is (loud mouthed, obnoxious, overbearing, slightly on the annoying side, clingy, whiny, etc) he doesn’t constitute being a quitter as one of his many characteristics, and chan didn’t know what he had in store for himself. jisung was going to have his way even if that meant attending the parade by himself. 

‘come on chan, you know i can’t be who i want to be in malaysia. i can’t express myself.’

‘jisung, i don’t think booking a trip to a pride parade in d.c is safe’

chan’s got that look on his face, the look of pure determination and a strong willed expression clueing jisung in on the fact that this is going to be impossible to win. but that’s just the thing, nothing is impossible, and jisung just has to work hard enough and maybe (hopefully, god please bless him with this one) changbin or felix will agree with him and aid him in his persuasion tactics.

‘please chan-’

‘absolutely not’

‘but chan, i-’

‘jisung, no-’

‘let me fucking talk, dad . god damn’

chan’s facial expression doesn’t soften, if anything his glare hardens and the arms he has crossed over his chest tighten (so much so that he thinks chan’s losing circulation in his biceps).

‘fine, speak quickly’

‘please chan, i just want to kiss one boy. i wanna go to the parade and i want to kiss a boy. please. you have that woojin boy from korea that you’re talking to and felix and changbin have each other.’

‘jisung, it’s not a good-’

‘please. dear god , please chan. i want to feel loved, even if it’s only for a minute. please chan.’

‘jisung-’

it’s as if every single god in existence has heard his desperate pleas from the last four years and the gates of heaven start to open up because in the corner of his eye he can see changbin’s resolve crack. in order to gain the upper hand, he lets a fat tear glide down the side of his face, pulls out a loud sniffle and juts his bottom lip out in a pout. changbin immediately sighs, hands lacing through his shaggy hair as he bites on his lip harshly. 

‘come on chan, loosen up. let him go to the parade.’

‘changbin, not you too.’

‘come on, this gives us an excuse to meet jisung.’

felix brightens up at the thought of attending this parade with jisung (and his precious binnie). he’s coaxing chan’s hands from being crossed, pouting with those wide eyes, hopeful at the thought of finally, finally meeting his boyfriend of three years.

‘i agree with binnie, i wanna meet my boyfriend. and jisung, of course.’

chan cracks, finally, as jisung’s tears continue flowing freely. there’s a tense silence before chan’s heavy sigh crackles through the speakers of the laptop. his head is in his hands and felix’s arms wind themselves around chan as he sighs, hopping about excitedly and screeching in chan’s ears.

‘fine, fine, fine, fine . i’ll pay for mine and felix’s tickets. changbin, you pay for you and jisung’s tickets, felix you pay for the hotel cost, and jisung? you pay for all the food and snacks, okay?’

there’s a loud, shrill squeal that comes from jisung’s end of the skype call before his hand shoots over his own mouth, petrified that he’d woken up his uncle at nearly two o’clock in the morning. he apologizes in a whisper towards chan and felix who don’t have headphones in because they could wake up chan’s neighbors and then to changbin who’d fallen out of his chair for jisung’s loud ass squeal.

‘it’s fine, jisung.’

‘thanks chan’

‘and jisung?’

‘hm?’

‘be careful, yeah? don’t do anything stupid.’

‘like what, chan?’

chan rolls his eyes, changbin following close behind. felix slaps chan’s arm harshly and glares at his boyfriend through the screen, ignoring both of their cries in protest as he whispers for chan to be nice.

‘don’t fall in love, yeah?’

he scoffs at chan’s words, rolling his eyes and running his hands through his hair, tugging lightly as he mulls over chan’s words carefully.

‘ridiculous, i could never. not with one of those god awful americans.

 

-

 

chan gets a call on his phone, in the middle of the pride parade, and answers to see chan’s boyfriend. there’s a second voice that’s heard, and he melts at  the sound of it. can someone even fall for a voice? and what the hell was he thinking anyway, this kid probably wanted nothing to do with him and- oh, fuck. did he just speak korean? it doesn’t matter really, jisung just wants to hear this person speak more. 

this is bad, this is very bad. he came with a purpose. maybe to kiss a boy, a cute boy but not too cute, and then go home and cry about being lonely later. he didn’t sign up for this, whatever it was. he didn’t sign up to want to spend time with a boy that he knew nothing about, but could possibly find out if they spent enough time together. he didn’t sign up to hear suppressed giggles and empty threats thrown left and right.

it’s funny how things turn out the opposite of what was expected, but right now? jisung doesn’t think he minds as he waits for this mystery person he spoke on the phone with briefly to arrive. he wants to have a face to picture when he thinks back to this day, he already knows it’s going to be ingrained in his mind forever- how could it not be?

not when someone like this minho person exists, with breathy giggles and a loud, booming voice. he wants to see him, wants to know what he’s getting himself into, to know who he just asked to make out with over the phone. he wants to know so badly and he wishes with every bone in his aching body that these people he doesn’t know (he’s going off of blind trust at the fact that one of them is chan’s boyfriend and if chan can trust them then he should too) get here as quickly as possible.

maybe he was being too obvious in his actions, or maybe it was the fact that the four boys had all taken to sit on the stoop outside the starbucks and he knew that changbin could feel that he was practically vibrating from the nerves he tried and failed at swallowing. it was stupid, overly so, to be nervous to meet someone. in all honesty, it was pretty normal to be nervous meeting someone for the first time, what made the situation ridiculous is that he’s nervous not because of how the other boy is going to react, but instead on his own reaction. that was going to be the problem. changbin took notice of this. 

‘don’t worry too much, ji’

‘i’m not worried, what makes you think i’m worried, i’m totally not worried. nothing can phase me, nope definitely not, lol i am the definition of fine, i am more than fine i am superb. there is nothing that could possibly be wrong homosexual friend figure. ha ha ha i’m fine, definitely. people who are having a hard time look to me to figure out how they should calm down, i am totally the poster child for being-’

‘alright, calm down mister america damn.’

‘i’m-’

‘first of all, let me talk. secondly, you called me your homosexual friend figure. thirdly, you used “lol” out loud in a sentence and lastly you’re literally sweating buckets.’

‘okay, i’m nervous. so what if i am?’

‘it’s just a kid named minho, what’s so nerve wrecking about that?’

‘everything is so nerve wrecking about this situation. god, chan was so right. i’m being stupid already.’

‘what do you mean sung?’

‘changbin, what if i meet this minho character and i do something stupid?’

‘like what?’

‘like, i don’t know, fall in love?’

‘jisung, you can’t be serious-’

‘bin, you know i literally could fall for a trash can if it gave me the time of day. i’m so scared. what if i see this person and i get attached quickly and then have to go back to malaysia while they stay here and i wallow in self pity for the rest of my pitiful life-’

‘um, chan, please get jisung. he’s scaring me, he sounds- reasonable’

‘oh fuck off changbin.’

 

-

 

it was quite odd, jisung thought, waiting for people that were unknown. he didn’t know what any of the people looked like save chan’s boyfriend, but even then he’d only gotten a glimpse of the boy a few times over skype calls. it was quite weird to wait for someone, especially if there was no knowledge of when they’d arrive, if they’d arrive at that. 

but then chan’s smiling in the direction of the applebee’s across the street, just on the verge of being out of view, and starts waving obnoxiously. he can see a boy with a smile to match chan’s and he’s got the same shirt chan has on in black, but his is a greyish colour and reads ‘i’m gay, deal with it’ paired with some cuffed jeans and white vans. he’s got chestnut coloured hair and eyes that were just as bright, a black bracelet adorning his wrist and a black earring in either side of his ear. he’s introduced as woojin.

the next boy his eyes land on ends up being the boy in the center of a group of three. he’s got auburn hair and a mess of face paint globbed on his face in what he assumes to be glitter rainbows and are those butterflies? he’s got faded ripped jeans and a shirt that reads i’m with boyfriends (so they’re all together, he thinks, how cute). he’s got converse on and matching bracelets (and rings) with the other two boys next to him. he’s got his hand linked with the one on his left and he smiles at the one on his right who pulls him into a hug. he snuggles into the boy’s side and pulls the one on his left by the hand until he’s also pressed flush up against them. this boy is introduced as seungmin. 

the boy on his right, with his arm draped loosely, yet also protectively around seungmin’s waist, sweeps the hair out of the other unknown boy’s face. he smiles and pulls seungmin closer, and seungmin places a kiss to his equally messily painted, glitter globbed face. he’s got on overall shorts, obviously picked from the women’s section (but jisung’s not complaining) covered thoroughly with pride pins and anything the boy must’ve found interesting. he’s got on a long sleeved glittery shirt in a bright pink shade and it goes well with his dirty blonde hair. and he’s got on white, glittered platform shoes that make him look taller and at the same time softer. he laughs at something the blonde haired boy on the far left says and scrunches his nose, his eyes sparkling with affection. he’s introduced as hyunjin. 

the third, and most put together of this trio is introduced fourth. his blonde hair falls into his eyes quite often, causing either him to blow it out of the way or one of his boyfriends to sweep it to the side before cupping his face and placing lingering kisses to his cheeks or his nose. he’s got on a white shirt with butterflies in a pastel blue painted on it. it’s carefully tucked into his pastel pink skirt and he’s got blue platform shoes on his feet, skillfully picked as they perfectly match the butterflies on the boy’s shirt. there are two kiss marks on either side of his cheek and jisung assumes they have to be from his two boyfriends. the boy has a pink lip and glittery highlighter set high on his cheekbones, but his eyes are beautifully made up. there’s a blue theme to his eyes, with a light pink dusting the center and the inner corner of his eyes and a winged liner to top it all off. his name is jeongin.

and lastly, comes the boy jisung’s been waiting for. it’s almost as if time freezes over and everything slows to a stop when he lays eyes on this person, minho as he assumes since he’s the only one left unintroduced. he’s got ripped skinny jeans, showing more skin than covering with how frequent the rips are in his pants (not that jisung’s complaining) and sparkly platform shoes. he’s sporting a rainbow crop top that reads ‘very gay’ in cursive letters and rainbow eyeshadow beautifully done to match.  there are hoop earrings in each ear and his hair is parted so that his forehead can be seen, and did jisung mention his hair is silver? because this boy’s hair is silver. he’s got one ring on his hand, but his wrists are covered in at least five bracelets and he’s got a flag painted on his face, a flag that mirrors the one painted on jisung’s own face, glitter and all. it’s an asexual flag, and he’s got an agender flag wrapped around his shoulders. there’s a little mole on the side of his nose. he’s introduced as minho. and he’s everything jisung thought he’d be and so much more and this is so bad because this is not what jisung was expecting. 

he’s fucked.

 

-

 

he’s known minho for approximately six hours and he feels like he’s known him a lifetime, he’s even locked lips with him three times and wishes that he didn’t have to leave, but he knows their time is over for now. and that sucks. everything about their situation sucks, but sitting and whining about everything wrong with the world is a waste of time so he stands and strides to the hotel’s bathroom, trying his hardest to take a quick shower.

which proves a mistake as soon as the scalding water hits his skin. his thoughts are swirling, intricate details regarding a certain someone flashing behind his eyelids. he can picture silver locks and a hand running through said messy locks. he can’t shake the high pitched giggles that pierced his ears or the crinkle of the other’s eyes when he smiled. 

he’s stuck on the thought of minho, everything’s just minho, minho, minho . minho’s stupid platform shoes and his stupid skinny jeans that looked amazing on him. he’s trying his hardest to not think of the one thing that would break him in an instant, but it’s nearly impossible to not recount those lips. it’s impossible for jisung to forget minho’s kiss, it was burning. it felt nice, and he was regretting it.

it’s hard to admit because he knows if given the chance he’d kiss minho again and again without hesitation, and that’s exactly where the problem lies. there’s a knock at the door followed by chan’s worried voice and he quickly scrubs at his eyes, tugging his hair just a little too harshly before stepping out and drying off.

 

-

 

there’s a moment at the airport when he’s hugging chan, changbin and felix goodbye that a familiar face comes into view, and naturally jisung rolls his eyes as chan’s boyfriend waves obnoxiously in their direction (chan smiling that goofy smile reserved for woojin and pulling the elder into a tight hug) but then he swears he sees a flash of silver. he thinks he’s going crazy, it can’t be minho because why would minho be at the airport to see him off, he’d asked jisung to call him when he touched down in malaysia (and jisung doubted he’d even pick up the phone if that was the case).

but his eyes don’t seem to be playing tricks on him because minho’s flashing a small smile his way as he waves shyly, walking closer to jisung and wrapping him in a tight hug. minho wastes no time in cupping jisung’s face and he can’t hold the gasp that escapes past his lips, but he doesn’t stop minho from leaning in and kissing him like it’s the last they’ll share (because it will be). it’s a chaste kiss, barely touching of lips and it’s brief before minho’s pulling back (and jisung craves more).

on instinct he chases after minho’s lips and presses three feather light kisses against minho’s lips in quick succession before standing on his tip toes and kissing the mole on minho’s nose.

‘don’t forget to call me when you get home, yeah?’

‘i won’t, min.’

there’s one more kiss pressed to his lips from minho, this one longer and holding much more meaning, and jisung shudders under the elder’s touch. despite every bone in his body telling him to remain planted to the floor, he pulls away from minho and walks toward his boarding gate, giving one last wink and blowing kisses repeatedly until all that’s left of minho is the light giggle he lets out (and possibly a few tears, but jisung’s psyching himself up to believe that minho’s going to miss him). stepping onto the boarding platform, everyone besides the other riders disappear and he wonders just how much it would cost for him to be sitting business class right next to minho in that moment, wonders if minho would still be there if he were to accidentally have left something out in the airport loading gates.

he remains seated, buckling his seatbelt and sitting on his hands to resist the urge to stumble out of the plane in search of a certain someone.

 

-

 

to min:

hey, i’m home. didn’t want to call in case you were asleep~

1:13am

 

-

 

‘hello?’

‘ji?’

‘min?’

‘i told you to c-a-l-l me when you got home not to t-e-x-t me.’

‘okay, but it’s literally two in the morning over there, min-’

‘ji, it could literally be five in the fucking morning, i don’t care. i told you to call me so i could hear your voice and know that you made it home safe.’

‘i- well, i’m here now.’

‘and you’re home? safe? in bed? about to head to bed?’

‘of course, min.’

‘okay. good night jiji.’

‘night minnie, good morning? good whatever? talk to you later, yeah?’

‘of course, ji. wait, do you have class later?’

‘yeah, it’s an 8am class’

‘how long does it take you to get ready?’

‘uh?’

‘baby, what time do you need to be woken up?’

‘7ish?’

‘i’ll call you, okay?’

‘yeah, okay.’

‘night, ji’

‘night minnie’

 

-

 

‘hey chan?’

‘yes jisung?’

‘i did something stupid’

‘are you fucki- this couldn’t have waited until the mornin- oh, hey. jisung what’s wrong? why are you crying?’

‘chan, i did something really stupid’

‘what did you do, jisung? are you hurt?’

‘chan, i think i caught feelings for minho.’

‘are you fucking serious jisung?  i told you not to be stupid- i knew this would happen. i knew this was a bad idea-’

‘yeah, yeah i know mother. whatever rub it in.’

‘jisung, i told you this would happen- i just- let’s talk about this in the morning, yeah?’

‘i guess- yeah’

‘i know you need a shoulder to lean on right now though, so wanna talk about it and cry for a bit?’

‘he- chan, he called me baby’

‘hey, hey. jisung, calm down, when i said cry i meant like a few tears not the breaking of the hoover dam tears.’

‘i’m- chan, i-’

‘breathe, ji. it’ll be okay. cry as hard as you want. alright? want me to call back in the morning?’

‘no, min- he’s gonna call in the morning.’

‘god, you’re too far gone.’

‘i told you i was stupid, chan.’

‘i never said i didn’t believe you. be careful yeah?’

‘me, of course. what do you expect me to do? run head first into danger with this boy? i could never. not in a million years’

‘yeah, and you also said you wouldn’t fall in love, so just be careful, yeah?’

‘fuck off chan-’